My mom suffers from PTSD, things in my house can get pretty heated, lots of tension. Literally a damn powder keg, whole house of mentally ill people. So I've seen mental/emotional breaks. What you are describing sounds more like a crying spell, which I also get. One time my mom tried to run up on my brother with a meat tenderizer, all while screaming at the top of hers lungs, only to collaspe in a chair, still screaming. That's what I consider a mental break. The person you know is straight gone for a while. Completely broken.
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Mental Health |OT| Depression & Co.
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My mom suffers from PTSD, things in my house can get pretty heated, lots of tension. Literally a damn powder keg, whole house of mentally ill people. So I've seen mental/emotional breaks. What you are describing sounds more like a crying spell, which I also get. One time my mom tried to run up on my brother with a meat tenderizer, all while screaming at the top of hers lungs, only to collaspe in a chair, still screaming. That's what I consider a mental break. The person you know is straight gone for a while. Completely broken.
I'm away for the weekend and had a freak out when I thought I had forgotten my meds. I found them but I was panicked that everything was going to fall apart without them. Then I couldn't sleep so now I've been up all night. I had been doing pretty well with sleeping. Today is a new day, I guess.
I hate emotions
ClassyPenguin
Banned
I don't get how people can be so cruel, so unaware of their consequences?
Are you?
Introspection is a great way to wonder about this, i think.
Yeah, it is easy to notice when people offhandedly offend someone or say something that bothers others without realizing. Etc.
But do you do that as well?
I know i do. It is hard to recognize it, and even harder to prevent it.
Why do you do it? Consider it. And you'll know why others do it.
Don't mean to rebuke you. I'm just in thoughtful mood.
It is very frustrating when this happens.
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I wonder sometimes about fitting in with others. Well, perhaps lack of that. I don't fit in anywhere, at least that's how it feels at times.
I hold (very) different (or perhaps just extreme) values, have convictions most don't have, my priorities (ideally, not necessarily in practice) are... odd (from most viewpoints, probably). I feel... alien. Or perhaps i should say others feel alien to me.
Not sure if this is due to depression or if i'm just different enough.
Just some random thoughts. Felt i had to write them.
CornBurrito
Member
What happened?
Tried talking to my mom about what's going on. She tries to help, but even she admits she doesn't understand everything.
It sucks because she's always been the one I've gone to for help. But now, she can't really relate anymore. Just makes me feel alone...
So hard finding the energy to do anything.
It sucks because she's always been the one I've gone to for help. But now, she can't really relate anymore. Just makes me feel alone...
So hard finding the energy to do anything.
ClassyPenguin
Banned
Things were said, feelings were hurt.
A friend of mine that I was close to keeps ignoring me. I've tried and I wish to be friends with this person, but nothing comes of it. Also, some people mistake my in-tongue-in-cheek responses to be something else., even though my intentions are clear.
I been jogging four times this week and I feel just as miserable as I did last week. I am pretty apathic towards my shape or my calory burning as I am apathic to most things, so the main reason Im doing it is the alleged mental benefits. Am I not pushing myself hard enough? You have to do it a couple of weeks to kickstart the endorphin production?
Im so patethic
.
Im so patethic
.
Collete
Member
I'm back, but due to side effects with my meds, I will not be able to talk to many/any people well at this time. My senses are overloaded and I'm constantly fidgety and it's taking a bit to get out of this med. I already overloaded myself telling close friends what happened to me.
So therefore, I'll tell my experience of what I went through later...Whether it's negative or not, I will tell you all what I went through in another post.
TL;DR: I got out alive, I'll explain later in another post.
Yeah I've experienced that as well...
I don't know the best advice at this moment of time but just keep trying with this person.
Persistence is sometimes key with friendships, but there's only so much you can do.
If after a long time nothing can be done, it's best to drop the friendship, they aren't worth your time.
Yes, yes you are worth being alive. Don't give up now. Don't go through what I went through. I wish upon no one to go through what I went through..
So therefore, I'll tell my experience of what I went through later...Whether it's negative or not, I will tell you all what I went through in another post.
TL;DR: I got out alive, I'll explain later in another post.
Yeah I've experienced that as well...
I don't know the best advice at this moment of time but just keep trying with this person.
Persistence is sometimes key with friendships, but there's only so much you can do.
If after a long time nothing can be done, it's best to drop the friendship, they aren't worth your time.
Yes, yes you are worth being alive. Don't give up now. Don't go through what I went through. I wish upon no one to go through what I went through..
I been jogging four times this week and I feel just as miserable as I did last week. I am pretty apathic towards my shape or my calory burning as I am apathic to most things, so the main reason Im doing it is the alleged mental benefits. Am I not pushing myself hard enough? You have to do it a couple of weeks to kickstart the endorphin production?
Im so patethic
No you're not. Sometimes it takes a while to build up to the point where you really feel it. Sort of need time to get the body into the rhythm of things and get past the "it hurts and you feel worse" point. I know it took me a good week or two of strenuous workout, and another half week after that before the pain stopped and I started feeling better instead. The intensity can matter too. It can take a while to build up to a helpful intensity depending on where you're starting from. It's not easy to get into, stick with and improve with this sort of thing immediately. Baby steps kind of thing. Maybe give yourself a day off and try a different kind of workout? Yoga? Just some situps and pushups? Go for a long walk somewhere nice?
Sorry for double post. The edit post feature won't save when I tried to add in a second response. It's been weird for me the last few days. :/
Maybe they're just not as classy as you, goes over their heads.
But it might just be them. Some people get aloof when they're down, feeling off, tired or just need alone time. I know I need alone time in order to recharge so I can be socially receptive to people. I know being a friend to a person when they could be having an off time would seem like something that would help but many people turn inward for various reasons instead of outward.
Maybe they're just not as classy as you, goes over their heads.
But it might just be them. Some people get aloof when they're down, feeling off, tired or just need alone time. I know I need alone time in order to recharge so I can be socially receptive to people. I know being a friend to a person when they could be having an off time would seem like something that would help but many people turn inward for various reasons instead of outward.Borked for nearly everyone if not for all.
Just (rapidly) click multiple times on "save".
A Human Becoming
More than a Member
Does anyone here frequently remember awkward/uncomfortable moments in their life? Day-by-day I'll recollect something negative I experienced that tangentially relates to what I'm thinking about or happening in the moment. It's like I have a collection of them my brain picks out to protect me for every situation.
I do.
Documented effect of depression, IIRC. Depressed people have strong feelings of regret etc. EDIT Wikipedia: "Depressed people may be preoccupied with, or ruminate over, thoughts and feelings of worthlessness, inappropriate guilt or regret, helplessness, hopelessness, and self-hatred.[6]" Major Depressive Disorder.
Very frustrating really, suddenly remembering some small thing that is quite irrelevant, and feeling strong regret or other negative emotion about it.
Though in my case they're never related to what i do... just very random things.
As for what to do about them... try to ignore them (i think). Very hard but i can't think of much else to do. Rationalizing that there's nothing to regret about doesn't work for me, you could try that though.
Perhaps someone else has good advice, advice that works. :/
CornBurrito
Member
I wish I had any sort of advice, but I'm terrible at making new friends. I try talking to people and I think I end up annoying (or turning off in some fashion) 99% of people instead. At best I'd say to try and move on and just realize that you can't make people like you, and that sometimes friends may just move on and stop being friends with you. It sucks though, and I'm sorry.
Yes, I seem to remember awkward/bad stuff almost hourly. It does wonders for making me feel worse.
User 100115
Banned
Welcome back Oomi, we missed you around here.
Collete
Member
Thanks, I appreciate the welcoming.
Oh, you got a new tag! When did this happen??
Thanks. Everything is overwhelming and I feel like all I do is add burden and stress to those who are around me, or more-so care about me... not to mention the fact that everything really is overwhelming to me. Every little thing. I get so upset and in a frenzy.
Collete
Member
I need my artistic ability back...
Not sure what to call this one...think this came about laziness really in all honesty.
...Enjoy?
I'll think of something better when I ween off the medication...
This one I put a little more thought into
Smothering Fog
The disappearance of oneself in the recesses of the mind.
You don't add burden or stress around anyone, trust me. They just care about you deeply, that is all, they aren't stressed or burdened. If they were, they would have left a long time ago. They just want to help you, hun.
And the latter is normal with depression, all we can do is step back and really assess and analyze the situation.
Not sure what to call this one...think this came about laziness really in all honesty.
...Enjoy?
I'll think of something better when I ween off the medication...
This one I put a little more thought into
Smothering Fog
The disappearance of oneself in the recesses of the mind.
You don't add burden or stress around anyone, trust me. They just care about you deeply, that is all, they aren't stressed or burdened. If they were, they would have left a long time ago. They just want to help you, hun.
And the latter is normal with depression, all we can do is step back and really assess and analyze the situation.
It depends on the individual. Some people might see instant improvements doing something, other people it may take a longer time. If you stick with it though, it definitely will help to some extent. So stick with it.
A Human Becoming
More than a Member
Good example of what I'm talking about: A few minutes ago I was putting some drinks into the fridge. As I was carrying them I remembered once in high school I was helping bring some cases of plastic water bottles inside. Carrying too many I slipped, dropping them onto the ground. None of them broke so it wasn't a big deal, but my teacher told the guy we were helping it went fine aside from someone being an idiot.
Guess today was another case of what I call "Sunday blues". Not wanting to start the routine again. Knowing that the new week will be just like the one that ended, and the previous one, and the one before that. Feeling like shit the whole day...
Couldn't even enjoy playing some music with my friends. And I sucked harder than I usually do, which I thought impossible since I already was at the highest possible level of suckage. At least I totally confirmed that music is not my thing, and never will.
Couldn't even enjoy playing some music with my friends. And I sucked harder than I usually do, which I thought impossible since I already was at the highest possible level of suckage. At least I totally confirmed that music is not my thing, and never will.
Looks like your teacher was nothing short of an asshole. Fuck him/her.
I like this one a lot. I'd hang it somewhere. I dunno what about it I like so much, or at least I've never been good at explaining why I like something... even my favorite books, movies, music, etc.
Collete
Member
This means a lot to me, thank you so much <3
I made up my mind to sell my Depression art pieces, but kind of nervous on taking the first step to do so. But I know it will happen! And I can't wait!
I'm afraid of calling my psychiatrist and telling her I still feel really suicidal because I'm just worried that I'm gonna be put through the system and hospitalized again. I used up all my paid time off with my last hospitalizations and wouldn't be able to afford bills and rent if I had to go back and miss more work. So while I would be in the hospital supposedly getting help I would actually be getting even more worked up and anxious/stressed about life and responsibilities making things worse.
Oomi, I'd buy something if I could afford to. Would you frame it before selling it or what?
Oomi, I'd buy something if I could afford to. Would you frame it before selling it or what?
Collete
Member
I don't know, from experience, ask psychiatrist to change your meds and take a step back right now.
Focus on an object for 10 minutes and then take timed breaths in 3 second intervals, then describe to us how you are feeling. This is like the single most important thing they have taught me in the hospital and it does help at times.
I don't know, there's some sites that will frame it for you...I'm honestly not too educated with this stuff. Once I get weened off this med, do my research, if I do get a deal with one of those sites, it will definitely be framed!
Collete
Member
One of my friends said it reminds him of ripples in the water so it could be the sea. Thank you for the compliments, it helps fuel my hope in this
I think one of my signature specialties will be working with blue...don't feel any other color is right for depression. And it's natural...to feel the blues...
wow I need more depth in my work...=_=
Prax
Member
Waah.. Oomi, welcome back! I hope you're recovering well. You do sound pretty cherry compared to other times.
And sorry for not being in here much, guys. I have been busy trying to art and be social (internet social counts, right?? LOL).
Anyway, I had a kind of stupid day, so here it is in comic form.
I left the store with my contact information and stuff, but when I tried calling my phone, it seemed to go straight to voice mail, which means someone turned it off? Or it just lost its signal. Who knows. Luckily, it's password protected and I have an app on it that can tell the phone to do a memory wipe if needed and did weekly data backups. I woudl just need another blackberry to restore all that data, I think.
So I am okay. I have accepted what has happened and that I am a fruit. .-. I really wanted to spend $600 on a new phone anyway....
And sorry for not being in here much, guys. I have been busy trying to art and be social (internet social counts, right?? LOL).
Anyway, I had a kind of stupid day, so here it is in comic form.
I left the store with my contact information and stuff, but when I tried calling my phone, it seemed to go straight to voice mail, which means someone turned it off? Or it just lost its signal. Who knows. Luckily, it's password protected and I have an app on it that can tell the phone to do a memory wipe if needed and did weekly data backups. I woudl just need another blackberry to restore all that data, I think.
So I am okay. I have accepted what has happened and that I am a fruit. .-. I really wanted to spend $600 on a new phone anyway....
SpartanForce
Member
Can I still be part of this thread even feeling damn good?
Prax
Member
I am pretty sure you can. It's always uplifting to hear success stories.
I feel good (or neutral) most of the time and I still am around. lol
SpartanForce
Member
niceI am pretty sure you can. It's always uplifting to hear success stories.
I feel good (or neutral) most of the time and I still am around. lol
CornBurrito
Member
I think I definitely have some issues. I fantasized last night about downing a few bottles of pills in my soon-to-be dorm room so that my roommate would find me and call the police. I don't feel suicidal, but I often wonder just who besides my family would even care. I mean plenty of people would attempt to stop the attempt just out of social obligation, but how many people would visit me in the hospital or attend my funeral?
It is best not to think about such things though, and I'm feeling a lot better after sleeping.
It is best not to think about such things though, and I'm feeling a lot better after sleeping.
Velcro Fly
Member
I think I've turned a bit of a corner in my own life.
I hurt someone really bad in the past and I've felt so much guilt about it but I realized the other day sitting up at like 8am that instead of feeling guilt, I should cherish the memories I had of the person I drove away. I learned so much from them in such a short time that it changed my life, regardless of how I eventually drove them away. I've spent so much time the past 3 years just drilling into my head how much of a scumbag I am and how worthless I am over this but the past week I've just finally been able to breathe. I've just tried to be positive about everything in my life this week even though it's difficult. I've tried to see the positive in every situation, even ones that I know are sorta bad. It sorta gives me hope that things can turn around when I have good days.
I think some of my problems can be traced back to a very emotionally abusive relationship that I was in. I noticed many instances of feeling guilty were feelings of guilt for my shortcomings in the relationship and it eventually spilled over into the rest of my life. I'm a really easygoing person but my flaw is that I'm spineless sometimes and will do anything just to please those around me. And when expectations of me were unrealistic and I couldn't meet them I felt guilty. I'm not here trying to blame my problems on someone else, but I've lived my life and I know what I've felt and when it started.
I think I'm going to tell my parents eventually the extent to which I struggle sometimes. I've already told them that I felt like I was a burden to them last year but I don't think they quite realize how I feel sometimes. I have this image of myself being stoic and shouldering the load of whatever problems I have by myself and it makes me feel macho and tough but in the end I can't do it all on my own. I feel like my parents of all people should know what I deal with and why I sometimes (re)act poorly. I'm scared to death to let anyone know really. It's only easy here because I'll never meet any of you or anything. My greatest fear is being known so telling someone about all the things you feel guilty about and how you've thought about killing yourself in the past isn't exactly something I look forward to doing. I know telling them is something I have to do but I need to do it in a way that is comfortable for me and also not devastating to them. It can't be something that comes out during a fight because it will be meant to hurt.
There are other issues I face that mostly center around a biological problem I guess you'd call it but I realize that other people when they see me and think I'm so young, they don't know that there is likely something really wrong. There isn't an awareness there like there would be for someone with more obvious physical problems. I'm 27 and people think I'm in my mid teens. It's a physical thing but it has such an effect on self esteem and other things. I even changed my career plan from wanting to be a teacher to doing something else because I was so afraid how young I look and sound was going to hurt me in looking for a job and trying to start/keep a career. Again I don't mean to self diagnose, but I know my body and the way things are with it isn't natural.
edit: Is it acceptable to type something up and print it out and give it to them instead of sitting them down and talking about it? I feel like scheduling a time to talk with them they are going to get preconceived notions about what I mean to talk with them about. And honestly if I told them what I thought about the physical side of things it would be beyond embarrassing.
Thanks again for anyone that reads all of this. It's really helpful to get all of this off my chest regardless. I really wish I had anything more insightful to say to help others who are also suffering.
I hurt someone really bad in the past and I've felt so much guilt about it but I realized the other day sitting up at like 8am that instead of feeling guilt, I should cherish the memories I had of the person I drove away. I learned so much from them in such a short time that it changed my life, regardless of how I eventually drove them away. I've spent so much time the past 3 years just drilling into my head how much of a scumbag I am and how worthless I am over this but the past week I've just finally been able to breathe. I've just tried to be positive about everything in my life this week even though it's difficult. I've tried to see the positive in every situation, even ones that I know are sorta bad. It sorta gives me hope that things can turn around when I have good days.
I think some of my problems can be traced back to a very emotionally abusive relationship that I was in. I noticed many instances of feeling guilty were feelings of guilt for my shortcomings in the relationship and it eventually spilled over into the rest of my life. I'm a really easygoing person but my flaw is that I'm spineless sometimes and will do anything just to please those around me. And when expectations of me were unrealistic and I couldn't meet them I felt guilty. I'm not here trying to blame my problems on someone else, but I've lived my life and I know what I've felt and when it started.
I think I'm going to tell my parents eventually the extent to which I struggle sometimes. I've already told them that I felt like I was a burden to them last year but I don't think they quite realize how I feel sometimes. I have this image of myself being stoic and shouldering the load of whatever problems I have by myself and it makes me feel macho and tough but in the end I can't do it all on my own. I feel like my parents of all people should know what I deal with and why I sometimes (re)act poorly. I'm scared to death to let anyone know really. It's only easy here because I'll never meet any of you or anything. My greatest fear is being known so telling someone about all the things you feel guilty about and how you've thought about killing yourself in the past isn't exactly something I look forward to doing. I know telling them is something I have to do but I need to do it in a way that is comfortable for me and also not devastating to them. It can't be something that comes out during a fight because it will be meant to hurt.
There are other issues I face that mostly center around a biological problem I guess you'd call it but I realize that other people when they see me and think I'm so young, they don't know that there is likely something really wrong. There isn't an awareness there like there would be for someone with more obvious physical problems. I'm 27 and people think I'm in my mid teens. It's a physical thing but it has such an effect on self esteem and other things. I even changed my career plan from wanting to be a teacher to doing something else because I was so afraid how young I look and sound was going to hurt me in looking for a job and trying to start/keep a career. Again I don't mean to self diagnose, but I know my body and the way things are with it isn't natural.
edit: Is it acceptable to type something up and print it out and give it to them instead of sitting them down and talking about it? I feel like scheduling a time to talk with them they are going to get preconceived notions about what I mean to talk with them about. And honestly if I told them what I thought about the physical side of things it would be beyond embarrassing.
Thanks again for anyone that reads all of this. It's really helpful to get all of this off my chest regardless. I really wish I had anything more insightful to say to help others who are also suffering.
ThisWreckage
Banned
My drinking has gotten out of control. I think I'm too much of a coward to kill myself so I subconsciously slowly kill myself with alcohol instead.
I am pretty sure you can. It's always uplifting to hear success stories.
I feel good (or neutral) most of the time and I still am around. lol
Is depression just seemingly vanishing without any clear cause a success story?
Bothers me a lot. Especially since i doubt this is permanent change.
Prax
Member
I think those types of fantasies are somewhat normal if it's just.. kind of like musings and what-ifs to relieve your curiosity.
I think the void of "caring" that people feel is a problem that does lead to a lot of depression. There is a lot of social isolation/lack of social cohesion in our world so it might feel like no one truly cares. I think the only solution is for the individual to care themselves. To put themselves out there and care about others, about their own life, their passions, and goals. So that even if the world doesn't seem caring, the individual at least did, and that really in the end means there is care in the world?
(And really, the more care an individual puts out, the more care they will likely get in return because of the lives they have touched. So it becomes kind of a self-sustaining positive loop?)
So really.. touch more people (lol), touch more lives, be good, do good, and okay, you don't have to come to my funeral party if you wanna be a jerk about it, but like, it will be pretty awesome??
I am getting philosophical but also stupid, but it's early in the morning and I'm sleep-deprived, so that's okay. XD
Sleep is good. We could all use good sleeps.
I think if you really feel like you can't talk to them face to face, then yeah, printing something out to give them to read is okay. I think they might approach you afterwards and try to talk anyway. Trying to find the perfect or most opportune time is difficult. It's never a good time to tell someone things that might upset them.
Being overly self-critical is tough, but it's admirable that you have tried to take the most positive view you can about your experiences. That shows you still have a lot of control and room to manoeuvre in life, I think. I know it's hard to admit to people you know that you might not be as strong or resilient as you appear, but the people who care about you will most likely be understanding and nonjudgmental. They probably have their own list of issues or shortcomings they fear talking about, and maybe they can't relate on the level you feel it, they can relate at least somewhat. I think as long as they are going to try to help or support you (even if they don't know how at the moment), it will help you feel less alone in this struggle.
Keep in mind that people are more resilient than you might think. This includes you and also your parents. Whatever happens, you can support one another through it, and hopefully you get whatever help you might need too. Good luck.
At least you are able to acknowledge it. Do you feel like you want to change what you're doing and to get better from this?
Even if you can bring yourself to a "meh" state instead of a wanting to self-destruct state, I think it woudl be worth the effort.
I think so. For some people, depression just suddenly appears in their lives with no seeming cause too. Why not have it disappear without any seeming cause?
Just the fact that it can leave is hope-inducing in itself, right?
I think it's good to hope that it's a permanent change, but even if it isn't, the experience shows that you can still come out of depression. I think the strategy is to focus on the good points of "temporary" and change your perspective so that the depression is the state that you feel is temporary instead.
I think my depression has a clear cause(s), it didn't just "appear".
Depression suddenly vanishing without anything changing in my life does not make any sense.
I'm way too logical person to just accept something that doesn't seem to have a proper reason.
I was planning (finally) to see a therapist/psychiatrist/whatever it is called but... if i'm not depressed, what can one do? And if my depression re-appears afterwards... eh, i'm making this too complicated, right?
Ah, well, whatever.
Yeah sometimes I am afraid if that is the reason behind my drinking aswell... Why else would I do something that I know is bad for me in every possible way.
A Human Becoming
More than a Member
He had warned us about taking too much, but it was still harsh.
I do agree he was an asshole. These memories have just stuck with me. I'll share more when they come up to get more insight.
butzopower
proud of his butz
A lot of stuff is chemical / physical. It's a bit hard to rationalize, since it's hard to observe something internally. Think of it like enjoying certain foods, you can probably rationalize why humans like certain foods, but I find it hard to rationalize why I like certain foods.
Yeah, well, what triggers the change in chemical balance or whatever it is? Depression starts when something breaks brain in some way. I really doubt it just fixes itself without outside trigger.
Does a change in my thinking lead to something fixing the thing?
butzopower
proud of his butz
From what I've read, entering your 20s. Parts of it are hormonal, etc. It's how ant-depressents can be effective. When you see a doctor, they can probably give you better info.
For me, it's actually harder to rationalize that some abstract emotional trauma can affect my physical brain. Mental issues are definitely a combination of both.
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