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[CornBurrito]

And what about us non-believers, are we simply fucked? I can't even lie, there are no real advantages to being an atheist with Major Depression in my eyes. I would much rather believe in an after-life, but I think my beliefs are why I'm still alive. Oblivion frightens me deeply, but it is what it is. I won't belittle or trivialize your faith but no such thing exists from my perspective. So I don't know, your statement just bothers me I guess.

Anyways, had an EMDR session this morning, working on some "safe-room" mental imaging stuff before we move on to "processing" I gotta say EMDR is not horseshit, it's bizarre. This is not my first experience with EMDR, that bi-lateral stimulation does something. It's pretty fascinating.

Honestly that is the advice I took the least issue with. I am a naturalist, but I see cases where people would greatly benefit from some aspects of a religion. Just the idea of being part of something greater than themselves, or the concept that you can obtain forgiveness from the universe for any crime committed.

Spiritualism offers hope to a lot of people, and I don't see it as something that has to be detrimental or tied to religious dogma.

 

[Daingurse]

Honestly that is the advice I took the least issue with. I am a naturalist, but I see cases where people would greatly benefit from some aspects of a religion. Just the idea of being part of something greater than themselves, or the concept that you can obtain forgiveness from the universe for any crime committed.

Spiritualism offers hope to a lot of people, and I don't see it as something that has to be detrimental or tied to religious dogma.

The reason I take issue with it is because, it's not a viable option for an atheist whatsoever. It's useless advice for me and anyone else like me. I would love the comfort of religion, spirituality, or some other higher power, but I don't personally believe in any of that stuff, period. I wish I could cast aside my ideals and believe in such things, but I'm not an atheist for the hell of it, it's genuinely what I believe to be the reality of the world around us. It only makes my future more bleak.

I'd never downplay the effectiveness of faith, that is a proven quantity. What bothers me is it's not an option for me whatsoever, so it does me no good. My former therapist and I even bumped heads on this. That's probably why it irks me, or more accurately frustrates me. . . .

 

[CornBurrito]

The reason I take issue with it is because, it's not a viable option for an atheist whatsoever. It's useless advice for me and anyone else like me. I would love the comfort of religion, spirituality, or some other higher power, but I don't personally believe in any of that stuff, period. I wish I could cast aside my ideals and believe in such things, but I'm not an atheist for the hell of it, it's genuinely what I believe to be the reality of the world around us. It only makes my future more bleak.

I'd never downplay the effectiveness of faith, that is a proven quantity. What bothers me is it's not an option for me whatsoever, so it does me no good. That's probably why it irks me . . .

Hmm, I don't see spirituality as something that needs to be completely ruled out. I dunno about you, but I've always been able to "force" feelings of spirituality, particularly when I am out in nature or watching animals just do whatever. Something about it makes me feel more connected to the natural world and I find it soothing and relaxing. Just attach some flowery language to it, and boom you got spirituality.

But I may be rare in that case. If you can't you can't and it sucks.

 

[Daingurse]

Hmm, I don't see spirituality as something that needs to be completely ruled out. I dunno about you, but I've always been able to "force" feelings of spirituality, particularly when I am out in nature or watching animals just do whatever. Something about it makes me feel more connected to the natural world and I find it soothing and relaxing. Just attach some flowery language to it, and boom you got spirituality.

But I may be rare in that case. If you can't you can't and it sucks.

This is true, spirituality and religion are independent things. But they share one thing in common for me, in that neither of them resonates with me. I appreciate the natural beauty of nature, but have never felt any spirituality. My mom is very spiritual, we run into many conflicts . . .but yeah this is at it's core more about me projecting my own personal frustrations I guess. You can easily be an atheist and spiritual, but I don't have that luxury.

 

[RionaaM]

I don't feel any better, I'm having a severe episode of depression and no one worth bothering to are on at this hour. Screw early morning depression.
The song is beautiful regardless if you play Xenoblade or not, it's still beautiful.

Don't really see any hands reaching out towards me. It's always me that has to reach out. But yeah all I can do is try...

And oh Lord, I did not even think it

Damn it girl, I hadn't seen your hospital experience post before I wrote this. I'm so sorry for what you had to go through :/

I can't believe something like that can actually happen. Is that shit even legal?

Believe me, there are people who truly care about you. Maybe they're not too good at showing it (I couldn't really say), but they definitely do. You're a strong person, and were able to endure that hellhole of an hospital without losing your mind. Not everyone can do that. I hope you can get the meds you need soon, and help from a real professional instead of those stupid clowns you had to deal with.

I'll read Bags' long post in another occasion, I'm emotionally exhausted now from Oomi's. At least she can still draw some beautiful pictures, that's a positive thing (it's not the tutorial, it's you!)

 

[MisterLuffy]

I checked my final grades, not surprised that I got a D on my Physics class. Sigh. I shouldn't worry about it, but still I could've done better. And I keep saying that, but I'm just not trying. This is type of feeling will affect me in the future. I'm even lazy of finding a job or researching my major because I'm lost cause. I'm tired of everything and me. I have so many weaknesses which affects me of who I am and how I converse with people. I'm struggling. I can't explain what I want to say. I guess what I'm trying to say, I lost faith in myself.

 

[Darkmakaimura]

Damn it girl, I hadn't seen your hospital experience post before I wrote this. I'm so sorry for what you had to go through :/

I can't believe something like that can actually happen. Is that shit even legal?

Believe me, there are people who truly care about you. Maybe they're not too good at showing it (I couldn't really say), but they definitely do. You're a strong person, and were able to endure that hellhole of an hospital without losing your mind. Not everyone can do that. I hope you can get the meds you need soon, and help from a real professional instead of those stupid clowns you had to deal with.

I'll read Bags' long post in another occasion, I'm emotionally exhausted now from Oomi's. At least she can still draw some beautiful pictures, that's a positive thing (it's not the tutorial, it's you!)

I know if you don't have insurance, yes they treat you like crap. I had a Legal 2000 (suicide watch) and like Oomi, had to change and had my phone confiscated. I got treated like utter crap while on suicide watch. One nurse told me "why the heck are you crying!?" and because I had a hard time understanding another nurses accent, she called me stupid. This was all after a major breakdown where I literally lost my job that day, had my gf who I just recently broke up with not care, etc.

Fucking hospitals suck. They honestly don't care what happens to you. They care about their own asses and their jobs but really don't care about you as an individual.

Sorry you had to go through what you did, Oomikami.

 

[Collete]

Damn it girl, I hadn't seen your hospital experience post before I wrote this. I'm so sorry for what you had to go through :/

I can't believe something like that can actually happen. Is that shit even legal?

Believe me, there are people who truly care about you. Maybe they're not too good at showing it (I couldn't really say), but they definitely do. You're a strong person, and were able to endure that hellhole of an hospital without losing your mind. Not everyone can do that. I hope you can get the meds you need soon, and help from a real professional instead of those stupid clowns you had to deal with.

I'll read Bags' long post in another occasion, I'm emotionally exhausted now from Oomi's. At least she can still draw some beautiful pictures, that's a positive thing (it's not the tutorial, it's you!)

I don't think it is legal from what they did to me...Eh...

I did lose my mind...I had to stuff my cries and horrible agony till i got home and just started to full out cry my heart out...If they really care...why am I the one always trying to reach out for them and not the other way around?...I don't know if I will get my meds but we'll see...I'm starting to believe all hospitals are like what I experienced and never want to go to one again...I don't know if i'll get help but hopefully i'll get better help outside of the hospital...

I know if you don't have insurance, yes they treat you like crap. I had a Legal 2000 (suicide watch) and like Oomi, had to change and had my phone confiscated. I got treated like utter crap while on suicide watch. One nurse told me "why the heck are you crying!?" and because I had a hard time understanding another nurses accent, she called me stupid. This was all after a major breakdown where I literally lost my job that day, had my gf who I just recently broke up with not care, etc.

Fucking hospitals suck. They honestly don't care what happens to you. They care about their own asses and their jobs but really don't care about you as an individual.

Sorry you had to go through what you did, Oomikami.

Yup fuck hospitals entirely...give fucking rat's ass about you and stick things in your arms to pump the money outta ya...loving caring people aren't they?....

It's ok...*sigh* Folding my arms just waiting to die now...Really in a bad slump in depression...

 

[ClassyPenguin]

I've only ever had one psychiatrist, and the thought of having to switch scares me. Does the new person get all of the notes and stuff from the previous one or is it a fresh start?

I hope it all works out for you though penguin

It's public mental health clinic so I guess most of the doctors are temporary. Just sucks to have get all used to a new person every so often, especially when you arrive and they look at you like: who? It's disconcerting.

It's better than not seeing a professional and they have helped out tremendously.

 

[Daingurse]

I checked my final grades, not surprised that I got a D on my Physics class. Sigh. I shouldn't worry about it, but still I could've done better. And I keep saying that, but I'm just not trying. This is type of feeling will affect me in the future. I'm even lazy of finding a job or researching my major because I'm lost cause. I'm tired of everything and me. I have so many weaknesses which affects me of who I am and how I converse with people. I'm struggling. I can't explain what I want to say. I guess what I'm trying to say, I lost faith in myself.

I can relate and empathize with the feelings you're describing. Establishing a sense of self-efficacy can be very difficult for us. I feel like a person who is filled with wasted potential, it is a nagging thing that torments me mentally. We have to find something to take pride in personally that you can respect about ourselves. Everyone has good points, we have very warped notions of self. I know for a fact that I despise myself, I don't see much "purpose" to my life. But apparently there are people who want me around. I have my family, they have faith in me to replace the faith I lack in myself. They in a way validate my existence, because honestly I got nearly nada for myself beyond the fear of death and the cold hard logic of my situation always having potential for change. I imagine their are some loved ones in your life? If I'm assuming too much then I apologize. But I think that we need to accept our faults for what they are, and either move past them, or work towards improving those deficiencies.


Above all else I believe we must find something in our lives that gives us some sense of validity, regardless of how petty it seems. Appreciate whatever trivial things give you any joy. A few years ago I really think I was literally living from game release to game release. From one piece of media to another. In between gaps I would usually go into very bad depressive states where my self-harming would increase along with the number of holes in walls and broken items. Completely pathetic really, would be a notion my mind's first inclination would lean towards. Defeatist and negative in almost all situations, but really I think if I lacked general enthusiasm towards those petty things, I'd probably be dead by now. Finding those things that give's you a sense of self-worth is hard, but only you can find this. And if you really think about it and reflect, you'll realize you're more competent than you give yourself credit for.

 

[Darkmakaimura]

I don't think it is legal from what they did to me...Eh...

I did lose my mind...I had to stuff my cries and horrible agony till i got home and just started to full out cry my heart out...If they really care...why am I the one always trying to reach out for them and not the other way around?...I don't know if I will get my meds but we'll see...I'm starting to believe all hospitals are like what I experienced and never want to go to one again...I don't know if i'll get help but hopefully i'll get better help outside of the hospital...



Yup fuck hospitals entirely...give fucking rat's ass about you and stick things in your arms to pump the money outta ya...loving caring people aren't they?....

It's ok...*sigh* Folding my arms just waiting to die now...Really in a bad slump in depression...

Exactly. It felt like hell in that suicide watch too. I had to lay in bed all day and night in a little cubicle like thing with nothing other to do than share watch an old, really bad reception television. Probably best to compare it to being something like jail. That, and a bunch of people who don't care. I even had one patient ask me why I was crying. That place made me worse. I lied to the social worker who came the next night saying I wasn't suicidal just to get out of there and go home.

Also wanted to add state run mental health professionals suck too, at least the one's here. Obviously, if you don't have the money, they don't care unless you mention hurting yourself or others, which because it's their job, will send you down the river to a facility which I imagine is even worse than suicide watch in a hospital.

I hope you feel better soon, Oomi. Try and see if you can find a friend or even acquaintance to hang with, even just for a little bit. Try to watch something really silly, goofy - like a cartoon or a sitcom. I certainly don't want to see anyone here hurt themselves or end up in a Legal 2000 for that matter.

 

[Collete]

Exactly. It felt like hell in that suicide watch too. I had to lay in bed all day and night in a little cubicle like thing with nothing other to do than share watch an old, really bad reception television. Probably best to compare it to being something like jail. That, and a bunch of people who don't care. I even had one patient ask me why I was crying. That place made me worse. I lied to the social worker who came the next night saying I wasn't suicidal just to get out of there and go home.

I hope you feel better soon, Oomi. Try and see if you can find a friend or even acquaintance to hang with, even just for a little bit. Try to watch something really silly, goofy - like a cartoon or a sitcom. I certainly don't want to see anyone here hurt themselves or end up in a Legal 2000 for that matter.

I should have done that *Sigh*
But yeah your experience describes exactly what I went through...If this is how they treat us...*sigh* I don't want to think about it....

Thanks...Art and harvesting tomatoes have been therapeutic for me so far...Going to classes hasn't helped anything...Withdrawal symptoms are shit...

Edit: The sad part, dark, my hospital wasn't state run...it was private....=\

 

[MisterLuffy]

I can relate and empathize with the feelings you're describing. Establishing a sense of self-efficacy can be very difficult for us. I feel like a person who is filled with wasted potential, it is a nagging thing that torments me mentally. We have to find something to take pride in personally that you can respect about ourselves. Everyone has good points, we have very warped notions of self. I know for a fact that I despise myself, I don't see much "purpose" to my life. But apparently there are people who want me around. I have my family, they have faith in me to replace the faith I lack in myself. They in a way validate my existence, because honestly I got nearly nada for myself beyond the fear of death and the cold hard logic of my situation always having potential for change. I imagine their are some loved ones in your life? If I'm assuming too much then I apologize. But I think that we need to accept our faults for what they are, and either move past them, or work towards improving those deficiencies.


Above all else I believe we must find something in our lives that gives us some sense of validity, regardless of how petty it seems. Appreciate whatever trivial things give you any joy. A few years ago I really think I was literally living from game release to game release. From one piece of media to another. In between gaps I would usually go into very bad depressive states where my self-harming would increase along with the number of holes in walls and broken items. Completely pathetic really, would be a notion my mind's first inclination would lean towards. Defeatist and negative in almost all situations, but really I think if I lacked general enthusiasm towards those petty things, I'd probably be dead by now. Finding those things that give's you a sense of self-worth is hard, but only you can find this. And if you really think about it and reflect, you'll realize you're more competent than you give yourself credit for.

I don't know anyone besides my friend who believed in me. He told me that I might have potential in whatever that is. But I can't seem to find that potential because I don't know what kind of potential I have. Sometimes I despise my older brother because he's smarter and active than me. I can't talk to him because I'm not at his level of speaking. I keep hearing that life isn't always simple, but we embrace the difficulties since it's how we can endure for the worst. My issues with myself are my personality, struggle to talk to people because I tend to not understand them, not having good arguments, or not researching for facts or careers that will benefit me through life as I live through with my life.

 

[Daingurse]

I don't know anyone besides my friend who believed in me. He told me that I might have potential in whatever that is. But I can't seem to find that potential because I don't know what kind of potential I have. Sometimes I despise my older brother because he's smarter and active than me. I can't talk to him because I'm not at his level of speaking. I keep hearing that life isn't always simple, but we embrace the difficulties since it's how we can endure for the worst. My issues with myself are my personality, struggle to talk to people because I tend to not understand them, not having good arguments, or not researching for facts or careers that will benefit me through life as I live through with my life.

I tend to not even want to be around people. I was in Vegas just the other weekend and walking down the strip, being surrounded by crowds, etc . . . sucked all the life outta me. I'm an introvert by nature, but still I feel crushing loneliness at times. I long to connect with other people, being more social. But I feel so apathetic about everything. And when it's not apathy, I feel mostly frustration and rage, jealously and hate. These conflicting emotions tear me up inside.

I also have a sibling, who handles himself better in social situations. Is more outgoing and extroverted overall. I know however that my brother is tormented daily, as he suffers from Bipolar disorder. He is also struggling, everyone is struggling out there. That does not diminish your pain or make it any less real, don't get that twisted. But it is what it is, life is not simple by any means.


I would not worry as much about the social problems and not because they are trivial, but because if you're anything like me, the underlying p[problem is the more immediate concern. The root of your problem is your self-efficacy, your self-esteem. Once your sense of worth is heightened, the confidence will follow. This is not easy, I struggle to follow my own advice. I'm struggling, but I'm seeing a therapist, I'm taking meds and I'm actively observing my thoughts and behavior. I'm trying to pull out this fucking weed from the root. I have a long way to go, but I think the path is sound. You need to bulk up your self-worth, there are many ways to do this but that decision lies with you. My path is that of professional therapy and medications, I believe this to be a viable path but not the only one by any means.


Is this friend you mentioned someone you can get in contact with on a regular basis? I think talking to someone who seems to support you would be quite beneficially. I understand how family can be . . . conversations with my family can turn Toxic quickly. So even having one person, one friend to confide in, is something. Some of us don't even have that much, and these are the things we should appreciate in our lives.

 

[MisterLuffy]

I tend to not even want to be around people. I was in Vegas just the other weekend and walking down the strip, being surrounded by crowds, etc . . . sucked all the life outta me. I'm an introvert by nature, but still I feel crushing loneliness at times. I long to connect with other people, being more social. But I feel so apathetic about everything. And when it's not apathy, I feel mostly frustration and rage, jealously and hate. These conflicting emotions tear me up inside.

I also have a sibling, who handles himself better in social situations. Is more outgoing and extroverted overall. I know however that my brother is tormented daily, as he suffers from Bipolar disorder. He is also struggling, everyone is struggling out there. That does not diminish your pain or make it any less real, don't get that twisted. But it is what it is, life is not simple by any means.


I would not worry as much about the social problems and not because they are trivial, but because if you're anything like me, the underlying p[problem is the more immediate concern. The root of your problem is your self-efficacy, your self-esteem. Once your sense of worth is heightened, the confidence will follow. This is not easy, I struggle to follow my own advice. I'm struggling, but I'm seeing a therapist, I'm taking meds and I'm actively observing my thoughts and behavior. I'm trying to pull out this fucking weed from the root. I have a long way to go, but I think the path is sound. You need to bulk up your self-worth, there are many ways to do this but that decision lies with you. My path is that of professional therapy and medications, I believe this to be a viable path but not the only one by any means.


Is this friend you mentioned someone you can get in contact with on a regular basis? I think talking to someone who seems to support you would be quite beneficially. I understand how family can be . . . conversations with my family can turn Toxic quickly. So even having one person, one friend to confide in, is something. Some of us don't even have that much, and these are the things we should appreciate in our lives.

Yeah I have his contact, I don't talked him a lot. But I would hate to bring negativity in our conversation sometimes. I don't talk to my other friends because there not the type to hear my issues. Also, I barely hang out with them or talked to them. I don't plan on making new friends.

 

[Daingurse]

Yeah I have his contact, I don't talked him a lot. But I would hate to bring negativity in our conversation sometimes. I don't talk to my other friends because there not the type to hear my issues. Also, I barely hang out with them or talked to them. I don't plan on making new friends.

I didn't talk to my friends when I had friends anyway, about my issues either. I can be a real "Debby Downer" on some days just by default, so I try to keep that stuff to myself. My family is very judgmental and talking can quickly turn into arguing with them. My relationship with my family is pretty volatile in-general, a lot of raw love like a family should have, but we are seriously dysfunctional. That's why I always recommend counseling or therapy, just having a person who is unbiased (or at least, trying to be) or not so close to you to talk to is a great thing. And hopefully you can develop a rapport and establish a new bond with tangible benefits. I think medication can be quite effective, but I still think there are a lot of things medicine can't fix alone.

 

[MisterLuffy]

I didn't talk to my friends when I had friends anyway, about my issues either. I can be a real "Debby Downer" on some days just by default, so I try to keep that stuff to myself. My family is very judgmental and talking can quickly turn into arguing with them. My relationship with my family is pretty volatile in-general, a lot of raw love like a family should have, but we are seriously dysfunctional. That's why I always recommend counseling or therapy, just having a person who is unbiased (or at least, trying to be) or not so close to you to talk to is a great thing. And hopefully you can develop a rapport and establish a new bond with tangible benefits. I think medication can be quite effective, but I still think there are a lot of things medicine can't fix alone.

My brothers doesn't like to see me negative. Also, there not the type to talk to about this.

 

[EdmondD]

These aren't really depression pieces...but you can look at them being drawn by someone depressed?
I don't know. If you guys don't want me to post these pieces then that's ok, these are just me trying to learn how to plants so I can draw abstract plants.

This is really lovely. I have been enjoying your art. I think it really does help to have a creative outlet. Please keep sharing.

 

[heidern]

-STOP TAKING MEDS! In my opinion it doesn't cure anything. Sure, you might find a combination of meds that will make you feel better for that day but all it does is delay the inevitable. I truly, truly believe anybody can conquer this in their own...It's not easy, as you are surely aware, but I believe it to be the truth. Conquering depression is the most liberating thing you can do and will make you much wiser, stronger, and happier than many people who never had to deal with it; You have to reach the bottom to get to the top.

The thing is, everyone is different, every mental illness is different, every case of depression is different. So you can't generalise from one experience. Also, even if you can recover by yourself, getting help might speed up the process. In theory it might be possible that anybody can conquer depression on their own, but if it takes you 100 years, well that's not much use is it?

But i'll note that faith won't magically cure depression, one shouldn't think that.

This is an incorrect statement for the same reason as above. In some cases faith will magically cure depression. In some cases it will help cure depression. In other cases it will do nothing. It's up to the individual to take a cold hard look at it as an option. If it resonates with you great, if it doesn't you can keep looking elsewhere for the answer. If there were 10 boxes and you were told that there was a million dollars in one of the boxes that's yours if you want it, you wouldn't look in one of the boxes, see it's empty and say, "no, I'm never going to find the money, I give up", you'd look in all the boxes till you found what you were looking for.

You can easily be an atheist and spiritual, but I don't have that luxury.

You choose not to have that luxury. If you want a "physicalist" philosophy this one from Dice in the previous thread I think was great:
http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showpost.php?p=43910143&postcount=3913
http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showpost.php?p=43911618&postcount=3925

Anyways, had an EMDR session this morning, working on some "safe-room" mental imaging stuff before we move on to "processing" I gotta say EMDR is not horseshit, it's bizarre. This is not my first experience with EMDR, that bi-lateral stimulation does something. It's pretty fascinating.

EMDR sounds almost exactly like PStec. Can you tell more about exactly what happened in the sessions?

 

[Collete]

Took this picture at work the other day. Fucking rainbows right? Honestly, how did early people react to that shit? Same rainbow appeared in the same place, day after another.

And here's some Snapcase lyrics.

So, would you sell your life
Would you sell your soul
Have you sold your thoughts to greed's control
Do you have the mind
To break away
A slave to the man
Your life is chained
What are you going to do
Well you've bought your image and you've lost your soul
And where are you going to go
When you're all alone with your emty goals
Behind these walls and facades you hide
We see you smile when you cry inside
You cry for life
A valued life that one can't buy
Success is money?
Your life's based on a lie
You can't sell
You can't sell me
So, can you find your life since you've sold your soul
Have you lost your heart to greed's control
Do you bow down and kiss the ground
To your possessions your life is bound

...

Yay mental health friends. Stay up.

That's a beautiful photo!
Almost something you would find on a wiki page.
I like it a lot.

This is really lovely. I have been enjoying your art. I think it really does help to have a creative outlet. Please keep sharing.

Thanks, it's good to know you're also looking at my art as well!

 

[Collete]

This was for "draw a dinosaur" thread:

 

[Daingurse]

You choose not to have that luxury. If you want a "physicalist" philosophy this one from Dice in the previous thread I think was great:
http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showpost.php?p=43910143&postcount=3913
http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showpost.php?p=43911618&postcount=3925


EMDR sounds almost exactly like PStec. Can you tell more about exactly what happened in the sessions?

I don't really see where choice comes into play, unless you think being spiritual is simply something one chooses. I don't believe in it, so it's not a luxury I can take advantage of. Dice's posts don't really resonate with me, probably because that's not my philosophy. It is a very interesting view-point to have, that's for sure, but it's not my philosophy. My view on life is far less optimistic. I don't see anything magical in my existence, or in the human experience in-general. People are out there suffering, dying and struggling everyday. Life is chaos, unpredictable with no real overarching point. We are simply the end-result of something that started hundreds of millions of years ago on this planet. Life is luck, a fluke of nature. I know all to well how minor and trivial my life is in the grand scheme of things, this doesn't give me comfort or relieve any pressure from my shoulders. It torments me, it keeps me awake some nights. But existential thinking for me is rather annoying and I hate even reflecting on it, I already feel small, powerless and helpless before we take into account how meaninglessness our existence is. I think I'm just too much of a nihilist deep down.

Moving on to EMDR therapy, my therapist had me hold one buzzer in each hand. Those buzzers vibrate, back and forth at a tempo of my therapist's choosing. We are trying to program a safe-room and word into my head. My safe room is a beach, my word is tranquil. I try and keep this mental image of a beach in my head, all while the buzzers alternate and my therapists asks me basic questions. This is the programming stage, once we're done with this we'll move on to the processing stage, which is meant to help bring out latent emotions related to trauma and desensitize said emotions. It's quite odd, but it works. Even saying the word "tranquil", gives me some physical feedback, a sense of calming over my body. It's hard to articulate.

 

[Wilsongt]

So, I have come to the conclusion that it is time to tell my Ph.D adviser that I suffer from depression and it's part of the reason why I am not farther along with my research than I am.

My group yesterday as well as my psychiatrist today suggest I should first register with disabilities services here at the university so that my professor will receive official documentation that I have a medical condition. That way when I do talk to her, it's not like I am making up that I suffer from depression.

 

[MikeDip]

So, I have come to the conclusion that it is time to tell my Ph.D adviser that I suffer from depression and it's part of the reason why I am not farther along with my research than I am.

My group yesterday as well as my psychiatrist today suggest I should first register with disabilities services here at the university so that my professor will receive official documentation that I have a medical condition. That way when I do talk to her, it's not like I am making up that I suffer from depression.

Yes, going to disabilities services first is a very good idea. Having some sort of official documentation will really help if your professor isn't as understanding as she should be.

 

[Wilsongt]

Also, in CBT today, we got the point of asking what is my core belief. What is it that causes all of my thoughts to be so negative.

And, in a way, it sort of boils down to the statement: "I'm not good enough."

 

[Woorloog]

This was for "draw a dinosaur" thread:

There is something cute about this.
Probably the proportions.

Reminds me a bit of the apes (or are they monkeys?) with large noses, you know what i mean?
In a good way. Probably.

 

[falconzss]

I'd like to rant but fuck it.

Those who follow my posts (nobody did) would know that I wrote that I've finally went into therapy. After months of waiting and hoping to finally get help my Psychiatrist handed me a list of other doctors that would handle my case. Nice...so I am basically waiting another 9+ months to get an appointment there. I really don't know how I should go on right now. I've already waited months to get to this doc.
My future relies on this semester and my exams but right now, I feel more lost than I've ever did. I guess I am fucked.

 

[FYC]

Welcome back Oomi

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YZR48ESjPiE

I made a music video today in about 5 hours. Well, a fan video, I guess. First time in years although I haven't made many. I'm not really good but I wanted to share it anyways

 

[Jimothy]

I had an epiphany yesterday that I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life. I have zero friends and that's not going to change anytime soon because I find socializing with people I'm not familiar with a very unpleasant experience. I went on a date with a girl I met online last weekend and felt nothing but emptiness the entire time I was with her. The only thing I could think about was wanting to go home and be alone. I'm not suicidal but I've been thinking a lot about death the last week or so. Mainly how I'm not really afraid of it anymore. Like, I wouldn't be that upset if I was diagnosed with a terminal illness right about now. I had an appointment with my counselor today but I just stayed in bed all day with my phone off. I found myself asking what's the point of even going when I don't feel any better even after 4 months of seeing him. I don't had health insurance so I've been paying out of pocket and I can't afford it anymore. It's just not worth it. Is this what giving up on life feels like?

 

[Sadsic]

n-neogaf neogaf
n-neogaf neogaf
gototheplane

I had an epiphany yesterday that I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life. I have zero friends and that's not going to change anytime soon because I find socializing with people I'm not familiar with a very unpleasant experience. I went on a date with a girl I met online last weekend and felt nothing but emptiness the entire time I was with her. The only thing I could think about was wanting to go home and be alone. I'm not suicidal but I've been thinking a lot about death the last week or so. Mainly how I'm not really afraid of it anymore. Like, I wouldn't be that upset if I was diagnosed with a terminal illness right about now. I had an appointment with my counselor today but I just stayed in bed all day with my phone off. I found myself asking what's the point of even going when I don't feel any better even after 4 months of seeing him. I don't had health insurance so I've been paying out of pocket and I can't afford it anymore. It's just not worth it. Is this what giving up on life feels like?

ill be yr friend sire you dont have to give up yet

 

[Prax]

Oh boy..
I have been pretty busy with general art and wedding planning stuff and being sick, so here are some cheery GIFs (hard 'g'!) for you guys:

OK PRAX, BLEGGGH (being sick can be funnie)

OK PRAX, YOU ARE WASTING A LOT OF MONEY

Also also, a thing I was involved in during my Master's that I never completed and ugghh.. I am full of SHAAAME.. .___.
It's a documentary called "What's Art Got to Do With It?", and it's about ART and MENTAL ILLNESS and OCCUPATIONAL THERAPY. So very.. apt.. for my.. situation.. It will be premiering on June 20, 2013. (a coupla days before my wedding):
=> https://www.facebook.com/events/458315804253042/?suggestsessionid=3ca647f0b4da1961a69393a5a1828bf5

What’s Art Got To Do With It? explores the power of art and community in an age of fiscal restraint. The film affords an insider’s view of Toronto’s Creative Works Studio, an occupational therapy program that fosters healing and recovery through the arts. Shot over the course of a year, What’s Art Got To Do With It? follows studio members as they devotedly prepare for an annual art show. In between painting canvasses, firing clay sculptures, shooting photographs, and composing songs, members candidly share what it is like to cope with severe and persistent mental health challenges and addictions. We are humbled and enlightened to learn of their setbacks and triumphs.

Anyway, I am now debating on whether to go or not because I have this huge anxiety spike in my head about it. I pretty much kind of promised or said I would help with the documentary and see it through bu then I fizzled out during my studies and ran away forever. And now it's actually coming out and a bunch of OT students will be there.. some of them being former classmates and uuughh.. shame and failuuuureeee.. my liiiifeeee what have I been dooooinggggg...

Well, I thought I'd let you guys know about it too! Since I should like.. promote good things and I want to be a shadow support to this even though it brings me many bad memories of grad school. XD But it's okay.. it's.. phhewwwww.. okay...

Anyway, I should probably just suck it up and go because NRGH! FACE YOUR FEARS AND OVERCOME STIGMA AND ALL THAT!
I.. I just pressed the "join" button so now they will know it's me and omg what if they remember me and all my false potential.. ughhh.. I will wallow now. XD
I'll be back~! Bachelorette party tomorrow. I will report maybe!

Hold strong everyone. And being weak is okay too. Be kind and patient with yourselves.

 

[SpartanForce]

I actually got out to a bar tonight, it was fun, but drunk people are kind stupid. I met two dudes that are cool. Hope they accept my invite on fb and we can be dudebros.
I have taken Inderal tho, which is a beta-blocker for anxiety and it works, but gives me a mild depression.

I wonder if I should continue. To mild can go to neojubei levels, and I really don't want that. But anxiety is hell. Damn dilema.

 

[White Man]

Well, I almost entered the "arrested by the same cop more than once in a major city" phase of my career. I ruin my weekends waaaaaaaaaay too early.

 

[Collete]

There is something cute about this.
Probably the proportions.

Reminds me a bit of the apes (or are they monkeys?) with large noses, you know what i mean?
In a good way. Probably.

Yeah I kind of know what you mean
And thank you or calling him cute! There's so many errors in this yoshi though. But thanks!

Welcome back Oomi

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YZR48ESjPiE

I made a music video today in about 5 hours. Well, a fan video, I guess. First time in years although I haven't made many. I'm not really good but I wanted to share it anyways

Wow this was really nice!
The music really fit in with this angel type of anime.
What's it about?

Oh boy..
I have been pretty busy with general art and wedding planning stuff and being sick, so here are some cheery GIFs (hard 'g'!) for you guys:

OK PRAX, BLEGGGH (being sick can be funnie)

OK PRAX, YOU ARE WASTING A LOT OF MONEY

Anyway, I am now debating on whether to go or not because I have this huge anxiety spike in my head about it. I pretty much kind of promised or said I would help with the documentary and see it through bu then I fizzled out during my studies and ran away forever. And now it's actually coming out and a bunch of OT students will be there.. some of them being former classmates and uuughh.. shame and failuuuureeee.. my liiiifeeee what have I been dooooinggggg...

Well, I thought I'd let you guys know about it too! Since I should like.. promote good things and I want to be a shadow support to this even though it brings me many bad memories of grad school. XD But it's okay.. it's.. phhewwwww.. okay...

Anyway, I should probably just suck it up and go because NRGH! FACE YOUR FEARS AND OVERCOME STIGMA AND ALL THAT!
I.. I just pressed the "join" button so now they will know it's me and omg what if they remember me and all my false potential.. ughhh.. I will wallow now. XD
I'll be back~! Bachelorette party tomorrow. I will report maybe!

Hold strong everyone. And being weak is okay too. Be kind and patient with yourselves.

It might do you some good to know you were at least somewhat involved in that documentary.
Maybe stretch it on your resume or something!
Also your animations are gorgeous!

 

[Bagels]

Can we see more adventures of platyPrax?

I want to remind everyone of our depressionGAF E3 coverage. Just hit that chat button in the OP and join us for live commentary on all the major stuff. We've got musical guests, humbugs and I will have a fascinating discussion about being old and how games have sucked since about 1997, we're promising at least 2 Swedes, there will be artwork, there will even be some real fake gamer girls in there! Get hyped!

 

[Iph]

there will even be some real fake gamer girls in there!

What is this? I don't even..

 

[Collete]

there will even be some real fake gamer girls in there! Get hyped!

I lol'ed at this.

Anyways tomorrow there's an art competition and I can submit up to 3 pieces. In your guys opinion which should I submit? I'll consider feed back and thoughts.

But I did a new piece that I'll submit.

The Other Side
Go now, child. There will be peace.

 

[FYC]

Wow this was really nice!
The music really fit in with this angel type of anime.
What's it about?

Thank you!

If you mean, the anime, it's Haibane Renmei. Fantastic show. Here's a short summary:

A dream of falling from the sky... and then birth. Rakka is born from a large cocoon into the Old Home, greeted by a group of females with small wings on their backs and shining halos above their heads. Soon Rakka’s own wings grow, a halo is placed on her head and she is told that she must work in the nearby town of Grie. She soon realizes that the town and the entire world they live in are confined behind the Wall, a tall, impenetrable wall that none except the mysterious Toga are allowed to exit.

 

[Collete]

Thank you!

If you mean, the anime, it's Haibane Renmei. Fantastic show. Here's a short summary:

Ah sounds interesting, I'll give it a watch if I can! Sounds pretty good!

Oh also, I didn't get chance to comment when I went to the hospital but...:

What better way to spend a wednesday night than doodling random members from Depression-GAF?

Medic - Bagels
Engineer - Fiction
Heavy - KevinCow
Sniper - Prax
Scout - Bel Marduk
Soldier - Oomikami
Demoman - RinoaaM
Spy - Boem
Pyro - YOU! If you weren't already in there

Spoiler

/copout

Thank y'all for this thread

I find it funny you did me as a soldier since that's my second best class, thought your interpretation was accurate and cute of everyone
I love your doodling!

 

[Bagels]

What is this? I don't even..

Would it help if I said you were one of my favorite real fake gamer girls? Like, I almost believe you when you say you're going to play Civ V or whatever!

 

[Iph]

Bahaha, aww thx! I have more hours logged on it (except for maybe some of the fallout and harvest moon games) than probably any other game I own. If you had me on steam you would know this!

Today I found out my aunt, who has been battling stage 4 of a basically untreatable brain cancer for approx. 5 months, passed away yesterday afternoon. Least she has some peace and no more pain.

 

[ThoseDeafMutes]

Bahaha, aww thx! I have more hours logged on it (except for maybe some of the fallout and harvest moon games) than probably any other game I own. If you had me on steam you would know this!

Civ V?

Pfffft.

When you're done sitting at the kids table, join us in the glorious paradox grand strategy thread!

Today I found out my aunt, who has been battling stage 4 of a basically untreatable brain cancer for approx. 5 months, passed away yesterday afternoon. Least she has some peace and no more pain.

Damn, I'm sorry for your loss.

 

[Iph]

Civ V?

Pfffft.

When you're done sitting at the kids table, join us in the glorious paradox grand strategy thread!



Damn, I'm sorry for your loss.

Thx, this looks fantastic! I didn't have a good computer for several years and kind of stopped keeping track of the PC strategy game genre. There are things about the series' I've played that I tire of or make the game either easy to break, or too hard for me to keep up. I hope I can get this off steam. I'm assuming it's a PC game.

I used to play a lot more strategy games when I was younger. AoE, AoM, older civ's, and tactical/strategy RPG's like FFT (still playing Tactics Ogre, put it aside when I got busy). Even have several versions of Risk at home, and Settlers of Cataan (but that one's my bf's. )

Thx for the sympathies but I'm fine. I had what I am told is an abnormal amount of people die in my family when I was young so I seem to take death fairly well. I'm more concerned for her family, as she wasn't that old. She's younger than my dad, who is very overweight and survived a highway motorcycle accident when he was younger, but is in pretty damn good health for his age, all things considered. It's funny how things work out.

 

[User 100115]

This was for "draw a dinosaur" thread:

When I saw that thread, all I could think was 'This thread is seriously lacking in Yoshi.' Thank you for fixing that! <3

I'd like to rant but fuck it.

Those who follow my posts (nobody did) would know that I wrote that I've finally went into therapy. After months of waiting and hoping to finally get help my Psychiatrist handed me a list of other doctors that would handle my case. Nice...so I am basically waiting another 9+ months to get an appointment there. I really don't know how I should go on right now. I've already waited months to get to this doc.
My future relies on this semester and my exams but right now, I feel more lost than I've ever did. I guess I am fucked.

I am so sorry the system is jerking you around. Hang tight. I know it sounds dumb to say that, but you can do this. You have made it this far, and hope is (however distant) on the horizon. Do what you can to minimize your stress and just get through it. If you need to rant more, rant. Here, pm me or anyone else, or come into chat. We are here for you.

Welcome back Oomi

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YZR48ESjPiE

I made a music video today in about 5 hours. Well, a fan video, I guess. First time in years although I haven't made many. I'm not really good but I wanted to share it anyways

Hey, wanted to say, that was really good! I don't know the source so I can't really speak for it, but the editing was top notch. I was a bit worried at the beginning but even then nothing lingered overlong. Then the beat picked up and you totally owned that beat. Well done! Especially for a 'first time in years' vid.

 

[Collete]

When I saw that thread, all I could think was 'This thread is seriously lacking in Yoshi.' Thank you for fixing that! <3

Yeah I scrolled the entire thread and couldn't find one yoshi so I was like "Welp, time to fix that!"
You're welcome <3

 

[butzopower]

I had an epiphany yesterday that I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life. I have zero friends and that's not going to change anytime soon because I find socializing with people I'm not familiar with a very unpleasant experience. I went on a date with a girl I met online last weekend and felt nothing but emptiness the entire time I was with her. The only thing I could think about was wanting to go home and be alone. I'm not suicidal but I've been thinking a lot about death the last week or so. Mainly how I'm not really afraid of it anymore. Like, I wouldn't be that upset if I was diagnosed with a terminal illness right about now. I had an appointment with my counselor today but I just stayed in bed all day with my phone off. I found myself asking what's the point of even going when I don't feel any better even after 4 months of seeing him. I don't had health insurance so I've been paying out of pocket and I can't afford it anymore. It's just not worth it. Is this what giving up on life feels like?

Is this the same lady you mentioned in the OKC thread? You already seemed a bit unsure about her, sounds like you just didn't really hit it off. What your describing isn't that uncommon with dating, I don't think. Maybe this is stretching it, but it sounds like she didn't feel worth your time and you envisioned escaping. One way to look at it, is that you've obtained knowledge of something you don't want, which gets you closer to what you might want.

It does sound like the experience was maybe a bit overwhelming for you, though, and maybe you feel you have to be alone to figure out how you feel about it? I've been trying to date people on OKC again after years of not dating people, and it's been a pretty intense month of a lot of different feelings, half of which have been good, half of which have been unpleasant.

I'm having my own epiphany, which is that maybe we are all alone for all of our lives, with periods of less loneliness from time to time. We can try and change the amount of loneliness we experience, but ultimately, we'll always be alone within ourselves. So the best thing to do is to make the best of being alone with ourselves, since no matter what else we do, no matter how less lonely we can get, we will always be alone.

 

[Collete]

Fields
Not liking this one...

 

[MikeDip]

Can we see more adventures of platyPrax?

I want to remind everyone of our depressionGAF E3 coverage. Just hit that chat button in the OP and join us for live commentary on all the major stuff. We've got musical guests, humbugs and I will have a fascinating discussion about being old and how games have sucked since about 1997, we're promising at least 2 Swedes, there will be artwork, there will even be some real fake gamer girls in there! Get hyped!

You guys aren't that old

Also, Can't wait for this. It's gonna be awesome.

 

[Collete]

One more...sorry.

Another Day

For that hope something better happens today.

Was inspired by this song

 

[neojubei]

Didn't go to the parade today or even the gym. sigh.