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Mental Health |OT| Depression & Co.

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Bagels said:
How did that melatonin treat you? Any luck?

Another reminder that we'll be in chat all day tomorrow for the E3 press conferences. It's a great chance to talk more with people from the thread and get more involved with the community! Join us! Just click the big ol' chat button in the OP!
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I'm afraid I might be missing Microsoft's conference, but I'll try to be there for everything else

Thank you Fiction and Oomi for the nice comments :)
 
Piano said:
I'm miserable right now. Things have been going better lately so I accepted a job out west for the summer (that I already had to quit once, two years ago because of mental health). I feel like I messed up big time. I'm so scared. I want to go home. Everyone else is having a great time and here I am, a 23 year old who's homesick.

I feel trapped. If I quit I'll feel even worse since I failed twice and won't make any money.

I'm on my phone now...hopefully will get on my laptop later tonight to type more.

Sorry to jump in with a sob story...
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Don't quit. Don't go home. Gather all your courage and strength and tell yourself, "I'm doing this no matter what. Nothing will stop me. Not even myself." You failed before? That's alright. Learn from your past mistakes. You can do this.
 
Piano said:
I'm miserable right now. Things have been going better lately so I accepted a job out west for the summer (that I already had to quit once, two years ago because of mental health). I feel like I messed up big time. I'm so scared. I want to go home. Everyone else is having a great time and here I am, a 23 year old who's homesick.

I feel trapped. If I quit I'll feel even worse since I failed twice and won't make any money.

I'm on my phone now...hopefully will get on my laptop later tonight to type more.

Sorry to jump in with a sob story...
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Aww, man. So sorry to hear that. Give me a call (text, PM, whatever) tonight if you want to talk about it. I know you can do this.


Darkmakaimura - you can safely take the cold medicine and melatonin, but I think it is a good idea to give just the melatonin a try, too. The key to melatonin is that light, particularly the kind from computer screens, makes your body break it down. So, in normal physiology, it gets dark out, your melatonin goes up, and you fall asleep. With a melatonin supplement, you blitz ahead of the slow buildup, and you get a big slug of it even with the lights on. However, if you stay up in the light, or looking at you iPad or whatever, the melatonin will get broken down again. So don't take it if you can't get yourself into bed, lights down, read a book. It's not, like, anesthesia. You need to be reasonably relaxed for it to do its thing.
 
I did too much today and tried to work on art today but I kept accidentally drawing "things" and some people got a good laugh at it.
So you'll just get a doodle I did last night that took 20 minutes.

flower1.jpg
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Oomikami said:
I did too much today and tried to work on art today but I kept accidentally drawing "things" and some people got a good laugh at it.
So you'll just get a doodle I did last night that took 20 minutes.
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Very nice. This has a loneliness about it. A flower alone in the dark. It resembles a hand reaching out to grab whatever it can. However, it's not alone. It just can't see through the darkness the other flowers surrounding it, reaching out.
 
I likely won't be around tomorrow because I am finding out when my surgery is. And most likely won't be around much for awhile until that's all done. I'll still be here though, pm me if you need me, blah blah, just not for huge chunks of time like usual :(
 
Bagels said:
Aww, man. So sorry to hear that. Give me a call (text, PM, whatever) tonight if you want to talk about it. I know you can do this.


Darkmakaimura - you can safely take the cold medicine and melatonin, but I think it is a good idea to give just the melatonin a try, too. The key to melatonin is that light, particularly the kind from computer screens, makes your body break it down. So, in normal physiology, it gets dark out, your melatonin goes up, and you fall asleep. With a melatonin supplement, you blitz ahead of the slow buildup, and you get a big slug of it even with the lights on. However, if you stay up in the light, or looking at you iPad or whatever, the melatonin will get broken down again. So don't take it if you can't get yourself into bed, lights down, read a book. It's not, like, anesthesia. You need to be reasonably relaxed for it to do its thing.
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I was in bed with the lights off. I never stay up online or anything but what happens is I toss and turn, unable to sleep even with the lights off.
 
the thought that suicide would clear up problems and stress is becoming more and more prevalent in my head
but i promised my therapist i wouldn't
 
Bagels said:
How did that melatonin treat you? Any luck?

Another reminder that we'll be in chat all day tomorrow for the E3 press conferences. It's a great chance to talk more with people from the thread and get more involved with the community! Join us! Just click the big ol' chat button in the OP!
Click to expand...
I'll be at work pretty much all day tomorrow, so I won't be able to be there. Great.

Fiction said:
I likely won't be around tomorrow because I am finding out when my surgery is. And most likely won't be around much for awhile until that's all done. I'll still be here though, pm me if you need me, blah blah, just not for huge chunks of time like usual :(
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I didn't know you had to go through surgery :(

Hope you get well soon, Fic. We're here for you if you need anything, at least I am.
 
I just wanna say that in real life I'm a pathelogical liar, but on GAF everything that I say is true. That's what I like about the internet though, I can really be me. But in the RL, I really need to talk to someone but who can I talk to? Psychiatrists? I'm not depressed, just alone because I can't tell anyone the truth about me. I tried though. I also think i'm selfish or delusional, because really, no one really cares about one anothers story, but I can't resist the urge to want to tell.
 
humbugs said:
Drop our Spaceballs and Muppets movie knowledge on some mofos.

...

They feature at E3, right?
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I never watched the Muppets, sorry :(

I'm a fan of Back to the Future and Matrix (and I'm probably one of the 5 crazy guys who really liked Revolutions, even considering it the best of the trilogy.)
 
Yeah I'm okay. But never gonna use Inderal anymore


edit: Oh fuck it. Just had 10mg of Inderal. But that's it though. gonna use as sleep aid ONLY at night
 
Oomikami said:
If you're ever in the Houston area, hit me up, we can talk over some coffee or something.
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Really? Wowie! Thanks. :----)

ThoseDeafMutes said:
It always feels daunting, but I'm confident you'll be able to make new friends. Just make sure they know you're a Twin Peaks fan and they'll be coming out of the woodworks :)
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I'll try, haha. Need to buy some Twin Peaks shirts and just walk around places. Be a creep.

ClassyPenguin said:
How can someone not like a Twin Peaks fan?
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Very true. Twin Peaks fans are the bestest.
 
ssolitare said:
I just wanna say that in real life I'm a pathelogical liar, but on GAF everything that I say is true. That's what I like about the internet though, I can really be me. But in the RL, I really need to talk to someone but who can I talk to? Psychiatrists? I'm not depressed, just alone because I can't tell anyone the truth about me. I tried though. I also think i'm selfish or delusional, because really, no one really cares about one anothers story, but I can't resist the urge to want to tell.
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Did you see a psychiatrist or a psychologist? This really sounds like an issue you'd see a psychologist about, as opposed to a medical doctor.

You're welcome to post more of your story here, too!
 
This June is my last month on insurance since I'm turning 26. I picked up my last insured pills the other day, not looking forward to the cost bump for the next batch. :(
 
Curtisaur said:
i just threw away my razor blades in the dumpster outside
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You did a good job if it was to overcome your suicidal urge.
Congratulate yourself and reward yourself for overcoming it! Even if it means opening a can of soda and like.. watching E3 guilt free.

Oomikami said:
fuckabusiveparentsfucklife
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Keep reminding yourself that no one can fill everyone's expectations and that's okay (they can't meet all of yours, you can't meet all of their's, and life's kind of messed up and funny that way!). And it's also okay to feel frustrated and enraged, and it's also okay to just let it go and go on with something you'd rather do.
And you can throw some of that rage and UUGHHH into your art too. And maybe somehow something awful can be made into something acceptable to you.
(And even if it's unacceptably ugly, it's okay too. I am imagining myself in that situation where I want to channel rage into art and only ending with crap and that is kind of hilarious in itself, but maybe I just want to find humour in everything as my basic defence-mechanism...)

Bagels said:
JOIN US IN CHAT FOR E3!
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I will try to be in chat but I also have to plan wedding seating tomorrow and go to work and shgfgfavfjhf.. Q_______Q And maybe I don't have the flu/cold. Just awful allergies but I am still kind of dying form it, but not as much. <_<

Also, I decided to take the opportunity to work more hours (it's a temporary night shift thing from 10pm - 6:30 am for the next 4 months starting right after my wedding! lol --I'm totally blowing off my honeymoon to make extra money haha I am a bad wife already go me!)

The plus side is that I get an extra dollar on top of my hourly wage and I don't really have to interact with the general public~! The minus is that.. I guess my sleeping habits will be even stupider and my presence may be even more scarce around here! OR.. maybe I will be stressed and it will only increase GAFage.

You never know. Life is tricksy.
 
Hmm hanging out in the chat sounds like fun but at the same time tricky since I want to watch Microsofts show on my Xbox/tv
:( #firstworldproblems
 
I'm still mad about my internet acting like it hates me during Sony's conference last night. I wouldn't be surprised if it actually did, I do it too, lol
 
Sorry about the caps spam in IRC, I like hype a bit too much.
MEGAMAN KINGDOM HEARTS 3 FF15 BAYONETTA CAT MARIO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO

Was a great time chatting with y'all, too bad Nintendirect this morning was so laggy.
 
Man, I've been tweeting like crazy during E3 but it bums me out realizing Twitter may just not be for me. It's like I'm talking to a freaking wall. Even when I reply to someone, I almost never get a reply back. The rare times I get a retweet or a favorite is from some spammer. It makes me realize over the years how I've just been ignored and shunned. It's yet another reason I know I'm stupid because people just tend to hear or read what I have to say and blow me off. It makes me realize I'm really not wanted in this world.

Oomikami said:
Well since E3 you guys missed a bunch of art, so I'll just do the relevant DGAF ones...



Title is: Soul Flashes. Balance your soul and it will be all right.



Title is: Dusk Grass
The end of the day...Grow from the blood, sweat and tears.
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I love both those pieces, Oomi especially the second one. GAF has been down A LOT, especially all day today, so this is my first peek into this thread since yesterday, I believe.
 
I'm up in the air on checking back in to the hospital. I think I kinda need it but wonder if it would help. I keep having thoughts of killing myself. All of my thoughts are preoccupied with my death. Going would add more stress because I'd be missing work and it'd be unpaid so I'd be even more behind on bills and probably end up late on rent. I don't fucking know. Being dead would be easier.
 
The horrible moment when you realize things are going great for other people but everything is utter shit for you...
(Yes I know it's poisonous to constantly think that...)
 
Curtisaur said:
I'm up in the air on checking back in to the hospital. I think I kinda need it but wonder if it would help. I keep having thoughts of killing myself. All of my thoughts are preoccupied with my death. Going would add more stress because I'd be missing work and it'd be unpaid so I'd be even more behind on bills and probably end up late on rent. I don't fucking know. Being dead would be easier.
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Stress about money and medical bills is the worst, I hope it works out for you :( Please stick around.

Oomikami said:
The horrible moment when you realize things are going great for other people but everything is utter shit for you...
(Yes I know it's poisonous to constantly think that...)
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/hugs Most of the time, people only show what is going good; likely there is stuff in their lives that is shit as well.



Just as an update, I still don't have a date for surgery, but I did get some pain pills that don't really work so yay. >.<

I am seeing another doctor who will schedule it since my doctor is moving away.
 
Oomikami said:
The horrible moment when you realize things are going great for other people but everything is utter shit for you...
(Yes I know it's poisonous to constantly think that...)
Click to expand...
I know that feeling all too well. It's one reason why I've stopped using Facebook.
 
Oomikami said:
Well since E3 you guys missed a bunch of art, so I'll just do the relevant DGAF ones...

Title is: Soul Flashes. Balance your soul and it will be all right.
Click to expand...
Disco is back! Gotta get that Saturday Night Fever vibe on while appreciating this pic!

Oomikami said:
Title is: Dusk Grass
The end of the day...Grow from the blood, sweat and tears.
Click to expand...
Those look like monochrome rainbows. Maybe there's a treasure at their end? That treasure could be self-acceptance, maybe. The realization that one is doing their best to improve their life, and they are fighting day after day and there must be something to show after all that struggle.
 
And lo and behold just like Oomi said....

Oomikami said:
The horrible moment when you realize things are going great for other people but everything is utter shit for you...
(Yes I know it's poisonous to constantly think that...)
Click to expand...
I had to go by Facebook just now and there it is.... My friend just posted on his FB he won $1,700 and he's out having a good time.

And I'm more than likely destined to be stuck at home all month.

Fucking great.
 
Today I had my first group DBT therapy session. This first module goes on for 3 weeks, and it's based on mindfulness. The other people seem like alright folks, therapists were nice enough. I was extremely anxious and even hesitant going in, but I left pleasantly surprised. This might be truly conducive. Mindfulness is something I could really use. I am very self-aware but I have immense trouble letting certain thoughts and emotions go. I dwell on them, which of course leads down a spiral of negative self-talk and despair ending in total relapse.

Darkmakaimura said:
And lo and behold just like Oomi said....


I had to go by Facebook just now and there it is.... My friend just posted on his FB he won $1,700 and he's out having a good time.

And I'm more than likely destined to be stuck at home all month.

Fucking great.
Click to expand...

I am completely broke and completely ran out of the little bit of marijuana I had. I am not happy about either of those things. I can't even buy a matinee ticket to see Man of Steel for Christ's sake. This house, filled with tense, mentally unstable individuals people during the ridiculous Phx summer, is a powder keg waiting to go off. Well I can always read Berserk I guess . . .
 
Daingurse said:
Today I had my first group DBT therapy session. This first module goes on for 3 weeks, and it's based on mindfulness. The other people seem like alright folks, therapists were nice enough. I was extremely anxious and even hesitant going in, but I left pleasantly surprised. This might be truly conducive. Mindfulness is something I could really use. I am very self-aware but I have immense trouble letting certain thoughts and emotions go. I dwell on them, which of course leads down a spiral of negative self-talk and despair ending in total relapse.



I am completely broke and completely ran out of the little bit of marijuana I had. I am not happy about either of those things. I can't even buy a matinee ticket to see Man of Steel for Christ's sake. This house, filled with tense, mentally unstable individuals people during the ridiculous Phx summer, is a powder keg waiting to go off. Well I can always read Berserk I guess . . .
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Yeah, I wanted to see Into Darkness so bad but being broke prevents that.

Wilsongt said:
;.; I missed you all
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NeoGAF has been down most of the last couple days. Did you drop by chat? I was in and out a bit there.
 
Darkmakaimura said:
Man, I've been tweeting like crazy during E3 but it bums me out realizing Twitter may just not be for me. It's like I'm talking to a freaking wall. Even when I reply to someone, I almost never get a reply back. The rare times I get a retweet or a favorite is from some spammer. It makes me realize over the years how I've just been ignored and shunned. It's yet another reason I know I'm stupid because people just tend to hear or read what I have to say and blow me off. It makes me realize I'm really not wanted in this world.
Click to expand...

Try not to take this stuff to heart. Twitter is a bunch of nonsense in my opinion. You are not stupid.
 
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