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[AFollowerNotALeader]

This week is being, and will continue to be pretty tough, mostly because of work issues (although thanks Opera Software ASA for adding unnecessarily to it).

Apologies if I whinge a lot in this thread this week.

Yesterday I went to get my prescription renewed (because automatic renewals of antidepressants are against NHS rules) and had to sit around waiting for 2 hours. I've got stressful meetings all week (culminating in an all-day one in Bristol on Thursday) , so I spent the wait obsessing about them.

The only escape I have at the moment is Guild Wars 2. If I couldn't go home, log in and spend a couple of hours before I submit to sleep being someone else in as world where the rules make sense (this isn't an advert, I've found this true for a succession of MMOs) don't know I'd survive.

 

[heidern]

So what do I do here? I can either just wait it out, give me time to adapt (like I normally take after I move somewhere) and check out then how I'm feeling. Or I can go and talk to someone about it even more and see what they have to say. But I'm not even sure what it's more akin to, Anxiety or PTSD type thing. Anybody have any input/advice?

It's best to be calm about the labels, just talk to a professional and describe your issues in as much detail as possible. They'll be able to diagnose your mental health issue/issues. Being proactive will increase your chances of success in overcoming your challenges.

Another thing you can do is write things down in detail. You can write down the event, describe your feelings about it, describe your thoughts about it, do a literal brain dump, whatever thought pops into your head write it down, even if it is illogical or incomplete or you don't agree with it, write it all down. Write down any conclusions you make and what it means to you. This will help your mind resolve the issues and come to an understanding of itself.

You can also download the free PStec tracks. They are designed to deal with things exactly like this. You run the tracks while remembering the event and they can neutralise the negative emotions attached to it.

 

[Empty]

I would like to share this poem. I wrote this for the gaf poetry thread but I think it fits here.

i like it, even if it is bleak as hell haha.

 

[Darkwater]

I'm depressed, GAF. Diagnosed and all. Damn. Getting out of it, that shit is hard work! I salute everyone in here.

 

[Collete]

Today's a decent day.
I woke up late again, however I was able to write stuff for my novel which I haven't done in a very long time.
Also used funds from selling cards on steam to buy Dust: An Elysian Tail and started to play it and I'm about to go and make sushi.
Going to go try and find a psychiatrist today as well.

I don't know just wanted to let you guys know I'm having a decent day instead of being in cruel agony like every other day.

 

[MikeDip]

Today's a decent day.
I woke up late again, however I was able to write stuff for my novel which I haven't done in a very long time.
Also used funds from selling cards on steam to buy Dust: An Elysian Tail and started to play it and I'm about to go and make sushi.
Going to go try and find a psychiatrist today as well.

I don't know just wanted to let you guys know I'm having a decent day instead of being in cruel agony like every other day.

Ah this is great! Hurray for better days.

Enjoy the sushi! I hope it's as tasty as I am imagining. I love sushi very much.

 

[Velcro Fly]

Was having such a great past few weeks.

Then I wake up today and my first reaction to that is pulling the covers over my head and just staying in bed.

Got into a fight with my mom today too. We were on our way back from running a couple errands and she wasn't paying attention to the road and there was a guy stopping right in front of us. I sorta hollered at her to pay attention and she got mad.

Also I'm pretty sure my ex isn't with this other guy anymore and she's only talking to me because she knows I'm a nice guy and pretty much a sucker for whatever she's got planned.

Really sucks because I felt so much better before today. I guess we all have bad days though.

 

[jb1234]

June was probably the worst month of my life and July hasn't started out much better. I just feel numb. I can't get out of bed. The Prozac is making me feel flat but the despair remains. I haven't eaten in days. I'm not hungry.

 

[heidern]

I'm depressed, GAF. Diagnosed and all. Damn. Getting out of it, that shit is hard work! I salute everyone in here.

I salute you too. Keep up the hard work.

Today's a decent day.

And I salute you too. I think you'll have more decent days in the future for sure.

Was having such a great past few weeks.

Really sucks because I felt so much better before today. I guess we all have bad days though.

And I salute you too. Here's a tip though, reframe the good stuff till last. So say to yourself, "today was a bad day, but the past few weeks were great." See the difference?

 

[User 100115]

Today's a decent day.
I woke up late again, however I was able to write stuff for my novel which I haven't done in a very long time.
Also used funds from selling cards on steam to buy Dust: An Elysian Tail and started to play it and I'm about to go and make sushi.
Going to go try and find a psychiatrist today as well.

I don't know just wanted to let you guys know I'm having a decent day instead of being in cruel agony like every other day.

That is awesome. Enjoy the sushi extra hard for me, I never get it

 

[RionaaM]

Today's a decent day.
I woke up late again, however I was able to write stuff for my novel which I haven't done in a very long time.
Also used funds from selling cards on steam to buy Dust: An Elysian Tail and started to play it and I'm about to go and make sushi.
Going to go try and find a psychiatrist today as well.

I don't know just wanted to let you guys know I'm having a decent day instead of being in cruel agony like every other day.

This is great Oomi! How was that sushi? And were you able to find a psychiatrist?

I'm thinking about picking that game up too, would you recommend it?

 

[Wilsongt]

I have had more bad days this year than good days. It's seems the last couple of weeks, my mood will elevate for a bit, but slowly come right back down to a low level.

I was reading up on Dsythemia and depression and all today, and got led in some interesting directions on mental issues I may or may not suffer from. I am surprised my mind hasn't turned on me and made me psycho yet.

 

[Darkwater]

I salute you too. Keep up the hard work.

Thanks. I'm sitting in my Window smoking cigarettes now. It's 2:30 AM here. Can't sleep. Mind keeps going to the wrong places. I really appreciate the kind words.

Man, nights are the worst, huh?

 

[Wilsongt]

Thanks. I'm sitting in my Window smoking cigarettes now. It's 2:30 AM here. Can't sleep. Mind keeps going to the wrong places. I really appreciate the kind words.

Man, nights are the worst, huh?

Yes. They can be quite rough.

 

[freddy]

http://topdocumentaryfilms.com/stephen-fry-the-secret-life-of-the-manic-depressive/

 

[Collete]

And now I'm a disappointment....
I crashed...hard...

 

[heidern]

Thanks. I'm sitting in my Window smoking cigarettes now. It's 2:30 AM here. Can't sleep. Mind keeps going to the wrong places. I really appreciate the kind words.

Man, nights are the worst, huh?

Not for me really, I'm a night person, I guess the rebel in me likes to stay up late. I did work night shift for a few years though which made that even more the case. I still haven't completely adjusted back to the daytime. It's funny, if I'm out in the evening I'm more confident, but if it's daytime it's much harder for me to be relaxed and harder for me to talk to people. I am getting there though.

BTW looking at computer screens doesn't help you sleep, better to read a book, or get a pen and start writing something, that'll help prepare your mind to unwind ready to sleep.

 

[Wilsongt]

Surprisingly, I do better when I am near people... I am very lonely at night because I am by myself with the dog...

Edit: Provided said people I nearby do not/have not done anything that has hurt me.

 

[MisterLuffy]

I have jury duty tomorrow, I'm pissed right now because I had to open my phone that I closed last month just for tomorrow. Does anybody know if the hall of justice, doesn't matter where, have pay phones? Because if they do, omg I would be so much pissed because I wasted $58 just to open it. My dad stated that there aren't any pay phones. Sometimes he gets on my nerves. He pisses me of everyday, I don't even talked to him that much.

 

[Darkwater]

Not for me really, I'm a night person, I guess the rebel in me likes to stay up late. I did work night shift for a few years though which made that even more the case. I still haven't completely adjusted back to the daytime. It's funny, if I'm out in the evening I'm more confident, but if it's daytime it's much harder for me to be relaxed and harder for me to talk to people. I am getting there though.

BTW looking at computer screens doesn't help you sleep, better to read a book, or get a pen and start writing something, that'll help prepare your mind to unwind ready to sleep.

Spent the past three hours writing a letter to my ex and then typing it into Word. The sun's come up now, but I might sleep now that that stuff is on paper.

 

[Wilsongt]

I know people out there like to say that depression isn't a weakness, but damn do I feel pretty wimpy right now. =/

 

[sneakypete]

Anyone online?

Pm me plz

 

[MikeDip]

Anyone online?

Pm me plz

I pmed you dude, are you alright?

 

[sneakypete]

I've been talking to a couple people. Thanks.

 

[Collete]

Things only get worse by waking up to another day...

 

[Wilsongt]

Things only get worse by waking up to another day...

I hear ya... Getting more and more tired of waking up in the morning.

I feel like my depression is just being slightly suppressed nowadays and not really helped...

 

[Colin.]

I hear ya... Getting more and more tired of waking up in the morning.

I feel like my depression is just being slightly suppressed nowadays and not really helped...

That's how I have been feeling recently. Been feeling like more effort to get myself up than usual, because I don't want to face the day. I wish I could just go to sleep and never wake up, not like I make any positive impact anywhere anyway, so what's the point.

 

[Wilsongt]

Do we even have a depression chat anymore? A lot of times it feels like some people are reaching out in the thread, but never get a response...

 

[Ashes]

There's always pms. feel free to pm anytime..

Things only get worse by waking up to another day...

Hey Oomi. Long time no see. Didn't recognise you with that avatar.

 

[swecide]

June was probably the worst month of my life and July hasn't started out much better. I just feel numb. I can't get out of bed. The Prozac is making me feel flat but the despair remains. I haven't eaten in days. I'm not hungry.

Eat something, anything, take a bite for me and one for Bear!

 

[Lionheart1827]

Do we even have a depression chat anymore? A lot of times it feels like some people are reaching out in the thread, but never get a response...

Yes we do check out the OP for the IRC link

June was probably the worst month of my life and July hasn't started out much better. I just feel numb. I can't get out of bed. The Prozac is making me feel flat but the despair remains. I haven't eaten in days. I'm not hungry.

JB, you have to keep your strength up so you can cover more awesome piano tunes!

And June has been pretty bad to me as well as you probably know but just keep your head up as best you can!

 

[Wilsongt]

Yes we do check out the OP for the IRC link



JB, you have to keep your strength up so you can cover more awesome piano tunes!

And June has been pretty bad to me as well as you probably know but just keep your head up as best you can!

But does anyone actually go in there anymore?

 

[Prax]

But does anyone actually go in there anymore?

I did last night/this morning at like.. 5am-7:30am~!
I'm usually on an on-call basis because I'm too distracted by surfing on the internet, RPing, and allergies. XD I have been hacking and coughing for the last few days and the allergy meds can barely stave it all off. Wah.

No one is being abandoned, but sometimes lives do start running parallel to one another for a while before there is more group interaction and activities again. But yeah, you can also PM people. Or if you're feeling extra passive, let some of that passivity positively affect you instead, and try to relax and rest.

 

[Bagels]

But does anyone actually go in there anymore?

Some of us are always in there!

I unexpectedly have 3G coverage from my front porch in Maine, so...hi! It is a gorgeous day and life is good. I saw two hermit crabs battle to the death earlier, which is metaporical as balls, right? Metaphorical for what, I can't say, but it still put things in perspective.

What I don't have is tons of battery life on my phone. Just wanted to drop in and say an unexpected hi, all is well, and I'll try to send my excess good vibes your way(s), you beautiful people.

Remember that the tide always comes back in, which actually IS metaphorical (as balls).

<3 to you all, and <5, even, for Pau! Stay well, guys!

 

[Iph]

I try to be there in the late afternoons/evenings, but have been away, busy and a little sick for the last week. I feel it has been a bit less active lately, but that's partly due to schedules not matching up, I'm guessing.

 

[ClassyPenguin]

I am still gaining weight due to paxil

 

[Darkmakaimura]

Whine time.

Tomorrow is a major holiday here in the U.S. Called friend since I hate being alone on the holidays seeing if he wanted to hang tomorrow. Told me he doesn't because he just got back from vacation and he needs time to recover.

He's full of shit.

I don't believe he needs a day and a half to recover from vacation time. I know this guy and he goes out every other night. Also, it might just be me, but it seems lately he doesn't want me around. This is my only friend I have left in town. Should he just completely blow me off, I'd be better of moving away from here.

I'm hating people right now.

 

[jb1234]

Eat something, anything, take a bite for me and one for Bear!

Yes we do check out the OP for the IRC link


JB, you have to keep your strength up so you can cover more awesome piano tunes!

And June has been pretty bad to me as well as you probably know but just keep your head up as best you can!

Thanks guys, I really appreciate the support. I spent last night at the ER so July isn't exactly starting out swimmingly but you never know. Plenty of the month left...

 

[Xun]

Your boss sounds like an abusive prick. I hope in the near future you can find a new place to work! You dont need that kind of verbal abuse.

Great pic!

Sometimes he's a lovely guy, but he can really lose his temper. I understand he has a company to run, but it upsets me knowing that he thinks I don't appreciate the job. Whilst it isn't what I want to do (which he knew when I got the job), I still put effort into making sure what I do is right.

Oh and thanks!

Wow this is really good!
But how come you never finished it?

Thanks!

Just my motivation problems, sadly. I will continue it further though, even if I doubt I'll put it in my portfolio.

Sorry to hear that work situation is so awful. On the plus you've got real talent, I love the eyes.

Thanks man, I really appreciate it!

Thank you everyone. The surgery went great. No complications and there's very little pain considering what they did. Also no stitches! They used fancy new glue stuff to close the wound. Medicine man. Maybe I'll take a picture of my lovely new neck decoration.

The scary part is over. I'm still waiting on the pathology report to see if I need radiation and in a week or so I'll start on the hormone replacement. Having the cancer come back isn't uncommon, but it isn't common either. So I'll be getting regular check ups but hopefully that's the last we'll see of it.

Thank you to everyone for your support. GAF and this thread have been lovely, not just for this, but for all the support you've given me before too. You folks are amazing. <3

I'm really happy the surgery went fine Pau! I wish you the speediest recovery and all the best.

 

[RionaaM]

That's how I have been feeling recently. Been feeling like more effort to get myself up than usual, because I don't want to face the day. I wish I could just go to sleep and never wake up, not like I make any positive impact anywhere anyway, so what's the point.

I know it can be hard, but I hope your wish doesn't happen. Life is worth living, you never know what you can find or experience the next day. You're surrounded by people who want to help you in this thread, so if you feel you're not making an impact on anyone, just know that you indeed are. We do care about you, as we care about any other person that posts here. If you want to talk to someone or just vent, feel free to PM me.

Whine time.

Tomorrow is a major holiday here in the U.S. Called friend since I hate being alone on the holidays seeing if he wanted to hang tomorrow. Told me he doesn't because he just got back from vacation and he needs time to recover.

He's full of shit.

I don't believe he needs a day and a half to recover from vacation time. I know this guy and he goes out every other night. Also, it might just be me, but it seems lately he doesn't want me around. This is my only friend I have left in town. Should he just completely blow me off, I'd be better of moving away from here.

I'm hating people right now.

Is there any chance you can move from there? You said that you think that would be the best thing for you, so is it possible?

 

[Darkmakaimura]

Is there any chance you can move from there? You said that you think that would be the best thing for you, so is it possible?

Honestly, no.

My problem with that is I'm flat broke and even if I weren't, I'd have nowhere to go anyhow. I had one friend who offered me to live with her and her family up in a small town in Northern California but I'm a city person. Where she lives there's only around 6,000 people (according to Wikipedia) so I'd probably soon become really depressed and lonely. Besides that, it usually doesn't work out with me living with friends and she has a husband and a child.

My options right now are severely limited.

Edit: I know it's small stuff to be whining about (hence the "whine time") but yeah, it's just me getting my little crap out I suppose.

 

[Quisty]

First post here, but been lurking for a while. Really like reading the posts and discussions on here, makes me feel better and less alone.

Just don't know what to do with myself recently. Unemployed, dropped out of college last year, I'm just hanging around feeling tired and listless. Trying out yet another anti depressant, but it's doing nothing for me so far. Trying to stay positive but I'm just struggling to see the point in anything these days.

Everyone around me seems so much more capable than me in every single sense. I constantly lie to friends and family members about my life, like I have my older brother convinced I'm finishing my masters degree at the moment as I don't have the heart or guts to tell him the truth that I just can't cut it. I feel bad about lying to people but I don't feel like I can't justify my compete and utter regression over the last few years, and I couldn't deal with their disappointment, so I just hide behind this stupid facade that everything is fine. I'm a failure and a fraud. Bah.

 

[Lonely1]

Hello Mental Health GAF, here reporting after a week, I believe.

So, I just passed what was probably the most stressful week of my life, which Included spending the night at an International Airport in a foreign country, trying to fix a critical numeric experiment on a laptop, which results I had to present at an international audience in Milan in less than 24 hours, after only eating a chocolate bar from a vending machine in the last day and a half.

I event felt for the first time of my life what's to be absolutely physical and mentally exhausted. Don't get me wrong, I have experienced tiring situations before. I had to be treated for heat stroke during my military service, I have studied for 48 of hours straight. I'm not strange to the permanent state of mental fatigue that depressions induces on us. But that time,I wanted to continue, I had to continue and I was pushing myself as hard as I could, but my body and mind just didn't respond anymore. Even thirst and hunger just banished while my mind went white, there was no pain. I have never felt that way in my life before.

But, you know what? It felt good! While working I managed to forget about my loneliness, my hunger, my anxiety and even the stress. It was the moments when I was not working when those thought came to me.

Even now. I'm at my first "stress free" vacations since I got deeply depressed like 7 years ago. I have completed all my mid-term goals, I'm young, I have a decent bank account and I'm have 3 free days of payed vacations at one of the most glamorous cities in the world, but I'm yearning for the peace of mind that working brought to me.

Is great that seems like I managed to beat the extreme anxiety that working caused on me. But now, I feel empty, and lonely.

Should I become a workaholic, GAF? I really wish I had some friends or someone special to share my first true vacations with .

 

[Johnas]

First post here, but been lurking for a while. Really like reading the posts and discussions on here, makes me feel better and less alone.

Just don't know what to do with myself recently. Unemployed, dropped out of college last year, I'm just hanging around feeling tired and listless. Trying out yet another anti depressant, but it's doing nothing for me so far. Trying to stay positive but I'm just struggling to see the point in anything these days.

Everyone around me seems so much more capable than me in every single sense. I constantly lie to friends and family members about my life, like I have my older brother convinced I'm finishing my masters degree at the moment as I don't have the heart or guts to tell him the truth that I just can't cut it. I feel bad about lying to people but I don't feel like I can't justify my compete and utter regression over the last few years, and I couldn't deal with their disappointment, so I just hide behind this stupid facade that everything is fine. I'm a failure and a fraud. Bah.

About your last paragraph there, let me give you a word of encouragement. It's gonna come out at some point, it's best if it's on your terms. Confess it and apologize for your deceit. Obviously I don't know your family, but I think the odds are they'll be sympathetic to your circumstances. I had a similar situation in undergrad, I went through a whirlwind of personal problems and essentially dropped out for a year in the middle. Nobody gave me a hard time about it. People were surprised because I was such a good student, but no one condemned me. It's easy to let your imagination run wild and picture all this rejection from the people who care about you. Later I went back and finished, I think if I hadn't had that time off I may not have finished at all.

I'm not familiar with master's degrees, do they allow you to take classes as slowly as you wish, like an undergrad? Keep it in mind as a future possibility when you get more grounded..

 

[Iph]

Should I become a workaholic, GAF? I really wish I had some friends or someone special to share my first true vacations with .

Wow, as much as it sounds like it drained you, you should be proud of yourself! Glad it feels good.

As for the workaholic part.. while I don't condone taking things to extremes usually, sometimes producing good work, even if it takes a lot of your time and effort, is a rewarding lifestyle. If you can keep a work-life balance that isn't eating away at you in some way and you enjoy your work, I say go for it!

I'm guilty of being a voluntary workaholic myself sometimes but I've overloaded myself more than once in the past by not having enough sleep, "me" time or eating right because I worked so much. It's a bad combination.

 

[Darkwater]

Anyone else here suffering from tinnitus to any degree? I notice that in these stressful times my ears start ringing in the evenings when I'm tired.

 

[Wilsongt]

Sorry for being so whiny and weepy in the chat last night for those who were in there. Not in a good place.

 

[Pau]

Today was No Shame Day, a holiday of sorts started by The Siwe Project, a nonprofit organization dedicated to promoting mental health awareness in the black community. There is something of a stigma within the black community about discussing mental health issues like depression and bipolar disorder, and No Shame Day is an opportunity for people to rally together by openly discussing their history with mental health issues. In honor of that, I wrote this blog detailing my own story.

You're a good writer! Thank you for sharing.

I'm really happy the surgery went fine Pau! I wish you the speediest recovery and all the best.

Have fun with AcridMeat for me. I wish I could join you guys.

The last few days have been kind of bad. The medication I'm on is wreaking havoc on my stomach and head, and I'm so tired I can only stay awake for a few hours at a time. I know it can be so much worse, but I just want this to be over already and back to actually being able to do things. The constant nausea is the worst part. If only I could get rid of that. :c

 

[Collete]

Electrocuted myself with a rice cooker while hands were wet....Twice...I'm not sure how I'm alive but I wish it did kill me.

 

[freddy]

Anyone else here suffering from tinnitus to any degree? I notice that in these stressful times my ears start ringing in the evenings when I'm tired.

I used to have this and the Doctor said it was a side effect of the drugs. Haven't had it happen since I stopped taking them.