Darkmakaimura
Can You Imagine What SureAI Is Going To Do With Garfield?
Haha no not for me. Sometimes my life feels like.... well.... The Last of Me. lol. I'd rather take the colorful, fantastical worlds of JRPGs.
Mental Health |OT| Depression & Co.
- Thread starter Bagels
- Start date
- Status
After playing The Last of Us I also was thinking about whether I could even survive in that world. Would truly be interesting, would I do everything in my power to survive, or would I give up? If my family died, I'm frankly not sure how I'd even try to live on . . .
Darkmakaimura
Can You Imagine What SureAI Is Going To Do With Garfield?
I'm mentally deteriorating from being home so much. Like every day little things bother me. I can't be indoors/home for more than a week and I'm on edge the last few days so I don't know what to do. Last time I was out was June 25th.
Walks are out of the question.... It's 102 degrees right now and that's low compared to the last couple of days. No money so I can't bus it anywhere. Friend that doesn't want me around anymore from what I can tell.
Look, I don't want to go to the hospital. I can't afford more debt and it's horrible. If I could, I would "self medicate" but I can't even do that because funds so no booze or anything like that.
Heat, money, transportation, no more good friends - everything is stopping me. I'm angry and feel like I'm going to explode. It's the anxiety along with the loneliness too. I'm way overdo for a breakdown, which I haven't had in quite some time.
Fuck.... I wish I could just pass out right now and wake up when something that will make me happy happens. Yeah, you can make your own happiness but there's a time when you just can't.
Walks are out of the question.... It's 102 degrees right now and that's low compared to the last couple of days. No money so I can't bus it anywhere. Friend that doesn't want me around anymore from what I can tell.
Look, I don't want to go to the hospital. I can't afford more debt and it's horrible. If I could, I would "self medicate" but I can't even do that because funds so no booze or anything like that.
Heat, money, transportation, no more good friends - everything is stopping me. I'm angry and feel like I'm going to explode. It's the anxiety along with the loneliness too. I'm way overdo for a breakdown, which I haven't had in quite some time.
Fuck.... I wish I could just pass out right now and wake up when something that will make me happy happens. Yeah, you can make your own happiness but there's a time when you just can't.
SpartanForce
Member
Yeah, one of those days.
I don't give a fuck anymore.
I don't give a fuck anymore.
Darkmakaimura
Can You Imagine What SureAI Is Going To Do With Garfield?
This.
Also enforces the reason I hate myself. Always have because I know that other people do. I just got more proof tonight.
I either wish I can get bombed hard or just call it end.
First post here, hello everyone. Don´t even know what to write here, I´m a very shy person and by consequence, a very lonely one. I want to change but I can´t. I woke up every day with the illusion of having a great day but it doesn't happen. Everything stays the same and I´m starting to feel like shit. Sometimes i just want to die, close my eyes but something keeps me going. Maybe its the hope that one day I´ll be happy. I´m starting to have this weird feeling like my body is burning inside, i want to cry, i want to scream, but i´m too shy for that.
ClassyPenguin
Banned
ClassyPenguin
Banned
Tryptophan? Causes a lot of negative drug interactions and can lead to seratonin syndrome. I would advice against using it since it is an untested supplement rather than a drug tested by the FDA.
Just look at the drug interactions list.
http://www.drugs.com/drug-interactions/5-hydroxytryptophan,5-htp-index.html?filter=3&generic_only=
Just got into an argument with my brother over some inane shit, why killer whales don't attack humans. I don't even know how it turned into an argument, but it always seems to. Now I feel like absolute shit and my mind is just going into overdrive. I can't stand this house, all summer cooped up in this shithole, no money, no friends, nothing. Surrounded in my cramped room with all this expensive shit, electronics, games, handhelds, tablets, all worthless reminders of a feeble attempt of filling the void in myself with material possessions. I'm so fucking angry, furious even, at myself, at life, just sheer frustration triggered by this argument I guess. I can just feel the urge to self harm, nothing new, but it's stronger now than it's been in so long. Right now I'm just snapping this rubber band wrapped around my wrist, but what I want to do is destroy everything is this fucking room and go to town on my arms. But of course . . . what would that fucking accomplish?
Edit: Sorry if this was too whiny, I just don't know what to do with these emotions, this rage and frustration. I can't talk to anyone at home and this doesn't feel serious enough to talk to my therapist so late. I think I'm just going to take my medication and go to sleep now . . .
Edit: Sorry if this was too whiny, I just don't know what to do with these emotions, this rage and frustration. I can't talk to anyone at home and this doesn't feel serious enough to talk to my therapist so late. I think I'm just going to take my medication and go to sleep now . . .
Darkmakaimura
Can You Imagine What SureAI Is Going To Do With Garfield?
Small amounts of Tryptophan can be found in foods like turkey, right? Or is that another myth and my dumb ass self didn't know it....
Yea, I picked up a $250 quad light set with heater and fan for $25 bucks still sealed in the box. I also got enough tiles to do my whole bathroom for $15 dollars.
That was from just one haul.
Seems pretty interesting, doesn't hit too close to home for me either. I don't think I even knew what pessimism meant at 11. And bored? All I needed was my Dreamcast and Gameboy back then. The premise alone is quite fascinating, but how sweet are we talking Classy? I actually like my movies tragic.
Cameron122
Member
I planned a get together with my friends for about two weeks.
Everyone flaked. I'm sad. Kinda crossfaded.
Everyone flaked. I'm sad. Kinda crossfaded.
ClassyPenguin
Banned
Well, it's not morbid. It has that French feel to it; full of interesting characters. I'd just watch it.
What the hell, I might check it out.
That really sucks man. I'd be lying if I said I could relate, if anything I'm the one who flakes out. I haven't really had friends of my own in 5 years. But that's a shitty situation in-general, the bolded however is something I wish I was right now.
Cameron122
Member
Luckily my two of my best friends who are in town(and helped me set up the party.) spent some time with me. I think I just have to plan better I guess.
Prax
Member
I am feeling better some more~!
I think my allergies turned into a regular cold though? :l
My snot is sometimes green now. Allergies usually aren't green..
*sighsighsigh*
And instead of coughing form a throat itch it's coughing because my throat feels "stuck' with.. I don't know. Phlegm? weh..
Sorry for grossing all of you out. (Not sorry enough to not write it though lol)
So more megaposting~!
I really do hope people read through posts that aren't even specifically for them and find useful advice from others too! I think it's cool to be inspired-by-proxy and I always try to learn more about being a better person or how to approach a situation from other people too.
Well, it's one step in the right direction. If you're feeling good and productive, it sends out good vibes to attract people with.
I think a weird limbo-like "lull" is "normal" in depression. I think of it as a listlessness and almost boredom while the brain builds up enough energy to think of or feel something else. But at least it kind of marks the "waves" between the feelings. Maybe those moments are a good time for building momentum for something positive, although I think motivation is hard to come by during those moments too, but maybe if you remember and remind yourself, you'll have more motivation to do something. :>
And yesss.. I know I have to work on doing that a lot too! No judgments or putdowns about who or where I am. Just go the next step toward a goal and I'll be somewhere else. You can do it. We all can do it. Just need to forget about pulling ourselves down and giving ourselves handicaps for poor reasons.
at least you have GAF too~! That's a start. So you know you did that, and all it takes is some branching out. xD I admit it can be hard work to give yourself the motivation to try, but it gets easier once you make the first step.
What kind of stuff are you thinking of doing with others? Like shopping for clothes?
And if you're adventurous, why not online groups and meetup sites where people get together?
Yeah, what Ashes suggests sounds right.
I think a smaller step would be to go out yourself once in a while and practice smiling and saying hi to people you meet. Even practising small talk ("Oh yeah glad it's finally warm this week and not raining.. hahaha~ blah blah blah"). Get yourself into the comfortable groove or being neutral and friendly and out there around people. Eventually you might a "regular" at some places or spark something with someone and build from there.
I am not an expert at making friends though. This is purely from my logic and intuition, but it sure makes sense! My evidence of its effectiveness is that I somehow still have friends. xD
I understand it's even terrifying to do that sometimes. I used to have trouble ordering at a restaurant of fast food place. And had trouble thanking a bus driver. Like these are supposedly no-brainer things, but when you have social anxiety, this things take TOO much brain power!
What kind of work do you do? Is it heavy on customer service and being one-on-one with clients? Or is it more rapid?
I am a cashier for example, and I say "hello", "do you need bags?", "do you have our loyalty card?", "your total is..", "... is your change/here's your receipt", "have a good day" and maybe some shallow chitchat inbetween to about .. I want to say a kajillion customers a day, but it's probably 100-200 a day. I honestly did not know if I had it in me, but really, after you practice enough, it becomes habit and a lot of that anxiety isn't even a factor anymore.
So I feel a lot better and more at ease with the shallow aspect of socializing now than I used to be.
People sometimes judge about how shallow people are, but really, once you have social anxiety and then can switch to auto-shallow mode to ease up on the mental processing, you might realize that it's kind of actually ok to have different levels of interaction with people! I appreciate and even enjoy connecting with others on a shallow level too now, even if they are throwaway.. because they are throwaway and don't matter so much and there's a mutual okayness for that.
So, back to what I was saying, just practice more. Shallow practice (hellos, talk about weather, be neutral or nice). That's the first step to getting yourself comfortable with socializing. After that you can step up on picking out details (mention if person sounds tired/had a busy day, if there is a theme going on with what they are buying). Then you can add in your "me toos" (your own experiences) and humor if you feel it's on their level. If not, keep it on a shallow level.
It might take a while to get used to doing, but try it. Go outside to a coffee shop or even order a pizza and say hellos and thank yous and goodbyes. One step at a time, you will get to where you want to be!
There's a house near me that always seems to have a "moving sale" but they must be the same people that never move.. because it always seems to be the same thing put out on the lawn every few weeks! XD I don't know what's up with that, but it also reminds me of "closing sales" in Chinatown sometimes where the store is still there months and years later.. >___>
And yeah, it's annoying to stumble on contradictions and to be flaked out on, but it's better to redirect it to something better for yourself. Would it have been too weird to go out by yourself? Maybe in the later evening when it's cooler? Or is it too dangerous (or infested with bugs)?
It sounds like you're going stircrazy at home--and I would probably melt in that heat.. gosh (30 celsius / 86 F is already nearing my limit lol I am a weak woman). Maybe you need a project to focus on. Something to read or compile online? Perhaps some household science experiments you can try out.. especially freezie-type ones that you could eat to cool down. A relaxing bath ritual. Learn to lucid dream. Game or movies backlog. Games to write reviews on. Fanfiction to write/fandoms to be a part of ~
Hopefully it goes better for you and the temperature goes down!
What is it about the bleak world you like?
I am trying to think about it, and the only appealing things seems to be that you would be free from regular social responsibilities and obligations because civilization is doomed. lol
Like to me, it seems more like you might feel overwhelmed by the complexity of the world, not that it is shallow. If anything, it actually goes too deep! We have to worry about our survival on so many different levels (physical, emotional, social, economical, institutional, meta-media-social, metaphysical~), that it seems almost a relief to only need to think about physical survival from crazy infected people (and other backstabbers lol). It would simplify some things to live in a post-apocalyptic world, I guess.
I hope you do bring it up with your therapist as it would be very interesting conversation and can help them have more insight into your thoughts in general.
Keep this in mind for any other issues you have or will come across. Maybe they can be resolved too and you will feel even better.
You can do this. Also don't forget to give yourself a pat on the back or reward yourself for it in some way. :>
Even if it didn't really make you FEEL good, maybe that's just delayed emotion. At least you intellectually know it was good that you did some things and it went pretty ok.
It doesn't even have to be a checklist item, it can be a "tried it once, wasn't bad, will try again" type of thing too if it was a good, productive, or healthy thing.
I try once in a while to write megaposts to respond to people, and I think it's clear that it takes a loooot of time to do, so you may not see me post that often, but I am around and read everything~!
I wrote to Windam and MisterLuffy about some of the strategies I suggest using to break out of the social anxiety/shyness thing.
It can take a long time to combat all the habits you have built up over the years trying to avoid people and making yourself invisible, but you can change little by little! Like I said, I used to be too scared to pick up the phone, answer doors, order food, say hello or thank you.. But you go step by step and eventually you get closer to where and who you want to be.
So practice going out and saying hi and smiling and get smiled back at and hello'd back at, especially to service people. And also practice not getting any reaction too. That's just life and sometimes people are also shy or inattentive, and it's just practice for you, so it doesn't matter really so it's okay!
And then while you're at it, try out new things. Like try a new flavour, go to a new store.. just go discover different things and explore the world again.
I think you don't want to die, but you just don't know what you want to do while being alive. I want to tell you it's okay to not know, and it's good to hope for happiness for yourself. You want good things for yourself, and your family and friends ad I do too. So go and let yourself experience and enjoy good things. It might take a while for you to feel really happy, but you still have hope, so use it to practice and relearn about the world again, learn to trust people a little bit at a time, and find things to brighten your day.
It actually sounds kind of funny. It must seem absurd to you in retrospect. I'd probably bring it up as a joke topic once the air between you cools down.. "Hey man, remember the killer whales fight we had? Good times." It can even become a new inside joke between you two. Every time you start brewing another really off tangent argument, you can say "Don't make me bring up killer whales again..!" and that will be the signal that things have gotten ridiculous and you both need to go do something else.
No money but lots of possessions? Don't let yourself beat yourself up with regret about stuff like that. Especially if at the time you enjoyed it or can still enjoy it. Maybe it all seems shallow to you in the moment, but remind yourself that you probably gained some enjoyment out of it, and that is not a worthless experience. Remember about your perspective on things, and remember that it's okay, or even good to enjoy simple pleasures, shallow experiences. If they are what keep you going right now, then they are good things for you.
Remind yourself that you were able to withstand all this frustration and you stopped yourself from lashing out because you rationalized that it wouldn't accomplish anything for you, so you did well. You were able to go through a lot of internal rage and maintain control.
Sit down on your bed or couch and try to tense up every muscle at once while sucking in air for a few seconds and then just let it all go and become limp, letting the air drain from you. Just let yourself go into a relaxed mode. If you feel you have a lot of pent up physical frustration that you need release fast, try to find a safe way to do it, like punching cushions or screaming into your bed for a while. After that tension is gone, you can take deep breath and think about things in a more even perspective.
You did well to keep your cool!
People can be flaky. It's.. that's people for you! It's okay to feel disappointed, as everyone goes through that. Better planning might have helped, but don't fret over it too much. Luckily you did have your best friends around to make your day go better.
I think my allergies turned into a regular cold though? :l
My snot is sometimes green now. Allergies usually aren't green..
*sighsighsigh*And instead of coughing form a throat itch it's coughing because my throat feels "stuck' with.. I don't know. Phlegm? weh..
Sorry for grossing all of you out. (Not sorry enough to not write it though lol)
So more megaposting~!
I'm really glad then!
I really do hope people read through posts that aren't even specifically for them and find useful advice from others too! I think it's cool to be inspired-by-proxy and I always try to learn more about being a better person or how to approach a situation from other people too.
It's really good to have an understanding boss like that, and also great that you feel stable right now. Hopefully you can tackle this well and regain your confidence in yourself. Best of luck and make sure to rest well and take care of yourself too while you're trying to ramp up your performance.
Yeah~ I love the feel or a cleaned up or refreshed room.
Well, it's one step in the right direction. If you're feeling good and productive, it sends out good vibes to attract people with.
Well, at least you talked to her. Communication is important, after all. But old habits die hard. If you keep that in mind and don't feel like you need to implode each time you have to repeat the communication process, that will do you well. That way, you can build good habits to replace the unhealthy ones.
I think a weird limbo-like "lull" is "normal" in depression. I think of it as a listlessness and almost boredom while the brain builds up enough energy to think of or feel something else. But at least it kind of marks the "waves" between the feelings. Maybe those moments are a good time for building momentum for something positive, although I think motivation is hard to come by during those moments too, but maybe if you remember and remind yourself, you'll have more motivation to do something. :>
And yesss.. I know I have to work on doing that a lot too! No judgments or putdowns about who or where I am. Just go the next step toward a goal and I'll be somewhere else. You can do it. We all can do it. Just need to forget about pulling ourselves down and giving ourselves handicaps for poor reasons.
at least you have GAF too~! That's a start. So you know you did that, and all it takes is some branching out. xD I admit it can be hard work to give yourself the motivation to try, but it gets easier once you make the first step.
Are the people you do stuff with now all making you feel bad?
What kind of stuff are you thinking of doing with others? Like shopping for clothes?
And if you're adventurous, why not online groups and meetup sites where people get together?
Yeah, what Ashes suggests sounds right.
I think a smaller step would be to go out yourself once in a while and practice smiling and saying hi to people you meet. Even practising small talk ("Oh yeah glad it's finally warm this week and not raining.. hahaha~ blah blah blah"). Get yourself into the comfortable groove or being neutral and friendly and out there around people. Eventually you might a "regular" at some places or spark something with someone and build from there.
I am not an expert at making friends though. This is purely from my logic and intuition, but it sure makes sense! My evidence of its effectiveness is that I somehow still have friends. xD
Like I said with Windam, just get out there and practice smiling and saying hi to people and thanking them for their services if they are service people.
I understand it's even terrifying to do that sometimes. I used to have trouble ordering at a restaurant of fast food place. And had trouble thanking a bus driver. Like these are supposedly no-brainer things, but when you have social anxiety, this things take TOO much brain power!
What kind of work do you do? Is it heavy on customer service and being one-on-one with clients? Or is it more rapid?
I am a cashier for example, and I say "hello", "do you need bags?", "do you have our loyalty card?", "your total is..", "... is your change/here's your receipt", "have a good day" and maybe some shallow chitchat inbetween to about .. I want to say a kajillion customers a day, but it's probably 100-200 a day. I honestly did not know if I had it in me, but really, after you practice enough, it becomes habit and a lot of that anxiety isn't even a factor anymore.
So I feel a lot better and more at ease with the shallow aspect of socializing now than I used to be.
People sometimes judge about how shallow people are, but really, once you have social anxiety and then can switch to auto-shallow mode to ease up on the mental processing, you might realize that it's kind of actually ok to have different levels of interaction with people! I appreciate and even enjoy connecting with others on a shallow level too now, even if they are throwaway.. because they are throwaway and don't matter so much and there's a mutual okayness for that.
So, back to what I was saying, just practice more. Shallow practice (hellos, talk about weather, be neutral or nice). That's the first step to getting yourself comfortable with socializing. After that you can step up on picking out details (mention if person sounds tired/had a busy day, if there is a theme going on with what they are buying). Then you can add in your "me toos" (your own experiences) and humor if you feel it's on their level. If not, keep it on a shallow level.
It might take a while to get used to doing, but try it. Go outside to a coffee shop or even order a pizza and say hellos and thank yous and goodbyes. One step at a time, you will get to where you want to be!
Yeah, i like looking through people's junk and history~! You find anything cool yet?
There's a house near me that always seems to have a "moving sale" but they must be the same people that never move.. because it always seems to be the same thing put out on the lawn every few weeks! XD I don't know what's up with that, but it also reminds me of "closing sales" in Chinatown sometimes where the store is still there months and years later.. >___>
Try not to read into it and figure out their "true motivations". It doesn't do people much good to try to mindread others, especially if you notice you're trying to read negatively and find "proof" about it. Just take it at face value, give them the benefit of the doubt, and focus on something else.
And yeah, it's annoying to stumble on contradictions and to be flaked out on, but it's better to redirect it to something better for yourself. Would it have been too weird to go out by yourself? Maybe in the later evening when it's cooler? Or is it too dangerous (or infested with bugs)?
It sounds like you're going stircrazy at home--and I would probably melt in that heat.. gosh (30 celsius / 86 F is already nearing my limit lol I am a weak woman). Maybe you need a project to focus on. Something to read or compile online? Perhaps some household science experiments you can try out.. especially freezie-type ones that you could eat to cool down. A relaxing bath ritual. Learn to lucid dream. Game or movies backlog. Games to write reviews on. Fanfiction to write/fandoms to be a part of ~
Hopefully it goes better for you and the temperature goes down!
I didn't play it but I watched my guy finish it and saw the ending~
What is it about the bleak world you like?
I am trying to think about it, and the only appealing things seems to be that you would be free from regular social responsibilities and obligations because civilization is doomed. lol
Like to me, it seems more like you might feel overwhelmed by the complexity of the world, not that it is shallow. If anything, it actually goes too deep! We have to worry about our survival on so many different levels (physical, emotional, social, economical, institutional, meta-media-social, metaphysical~), that it seems almost a relief to only need to think about physical survival from crazy infected people (and other backstabbers lol). It would simplify some things to live in a post-apocalyptic world, I guess.
I hope you do bring it up with your therapist as it would be very interesting conversation and can help them have more insight into your thoughts in general.
Ah, good job!
Keep this in mind for any other issues you have or will come across. Maybe they can be resolved too and you will feel even better.
You can do this. Also don't forget to give yourself a pat on the back or reward yourself for it in some way. :>
It's okay to just take a break and lay down for a while and just.. "ughhh.. life is so stupid sometimessss!!!". Vent some of that frustration out and give yourself a chance to recover from it.
Sounds good!
Even if it didn't really make you FEEL good, maybe that's just delayed emotion. At least you intellectually know it was good that you did some things and it went pretty ok.
It doesn't even have to be a checklist item, it can be a "tried it once, wasn't bad, will try again" type of thing too if it was a good, productive, or healthy thing.
Hello~ Welcome to the thread.
I try once in a while to write megaposts to respond to people, and I think it's clear that it takes a loooot of time to do, so you may not see me post that often, but I am around and read everything~!
I wrote to Windam and MisterLuffy about some of the strategies I suggest using to break out of the social anxiety/shyness thing.
It can take a long time to combat all the habits you have built up over the years trying to avoid people and making yourself invisible, but you can change little by little! Like I said, I used to be too scared to pick up the phone, answer doors, order food, say hello or thank you.. But you go step by step and eventually you get closer to where and who you want to be.
So practice going out and saying hi and smiling and get smiled back at and hello'd back at, especially to service people. And also practice not getting any reaction too. That's just life and sometimes people are also shy or inattentive, and it's just practice for you, so it doesn't matter really so it's okay!
And then while you're at it, try out new things. Like try a new flavour, go to a new store.. just go discover different things and explore the world again.
I think you don't want to die, but you just don't know what you want to do while being alive. I want to tell you it's okay to not know, and it's good to hope for happiness for yourself. You want good things for yourself, and your family and friends ad I do too. So go and let yourself experience and enjoy good things. It might take a while for you to feel really happy, but you still have hope, so use it to practice and relearn about the world again, learn to trust people a little bit at a time, and find things to brighten your day.
Some people just love to debate too much? Try not to internalize it too much. You both probably just got really into.. defending your positions out of pride or something.
It actually sounds kind of funny. It must seem absurd to you in retrospect. I'd probably bring it up as a joke topic once the air between you cools down.. "Hey man, remember the killer whales fight we had? Good times." It can even become a new inside joke between you two. Every time you start brewing another really off tangent argument, you can say "Don't make me bring up killer whales again..!" and that will be the signal that things have gotten ridiculous and you both need to go do something else.
No money but lots of possessions? Don't let yourself beat yourself up with regret about stuff like that. Especially if at the time you enjoyed it or can still enjoy it. Maybe it all seems shallow to you in the moment, but remind yourself that you probably gained some enjoyment out of it, and that is not a worthless experience. Remember about your perspective on things, and remember that it's okay, or even good to enjoy simple pleasures, shallow experiences. If they are what keep you going right now, then they are good things for you.
Remind yourself that you were able to withstand all this frustration and you stopped yourself from lashing out because you rationalized that it wouldn't accomplish anything for you, so you did well. You were able to go through a lot of internal rage and maintain control.
Sit down on your bed or couch and try to tense up every muscle at once while sucking in air for a few seconds and then just let it all go and become limp, letting the air drain from you. Just let yourself go into a relaxed mode. If you feel you have a lot of pent up physical frustration that you need release fast, try to find a safe way to do it, like punching cushions or screaming into your bed for a while. After that tension is gone, you can take deep breath and think about things in a more even perspective.
You did well to keep your cool!
So things work out in the end. Good!
People can be flaky. It's.. that's people for you! It's okay to feel disappointed, as everyone goes through that. Better planning might have helped, but don't fret over it too much. Luckily you did have your best friends around to make your day go better.
killertofu
Member
Welp. My ex just told me she loves her current BF and that she hasn't felt "this loved" ever.
*glug glug glug*
*glug glug glug*
I'm trying really hard to look at this like that, although it's more like "tried it once, wasn't for me, but I'm one experience richer". The checklist thing is what this year has been for me so far. Doing something new, but in the end it doesn't really change me to the better (or worse for that matter). So what is the point of doing all these things when at the end of the day I still feel the same.
Is it weird to hate yourself with a passion
Extreme hatred for yourself
And then lash your anger out unintentionally on someone and feel like killing yourself afterwards
well im gonna listen to some chillstep http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E9iNcyqvvgA
Extreme hatred for yourself
And then lash your anger out unintentionally on someone and feel like killing yourself afterwards
well im gonna listen to some chillstep http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E9iNcyqvvgA
If anything it takes more effort to not be a decent human being. I swear some people are actively being assholes, making a conscious fucking effort at it.
Thanks for your response Prax, it is much appreciated. Me and my brother squashed it in that awkward brotherly way yesterday. I actually tried using mindfulness and it worked, I think . . .lol. I felt much calmer, was mostly just paying attention to my breathing and various things in my body. I just need to try and keep things in perspective and frankly the fact that there are no additional holes in wall is progress for me. It was definitely a short fit of rage, where things can and in the past have gone bad quickly.
Exactly. There was a guy I was interested in and we talked quite a bit recently. Then suddenly he disappeared from the App we talked on. Then I saw him last night and sent him just a simple hello message and he blocked me. No reason. Now I figured he blocked me on the other app, also.
I always thought our conversations went fine, but apparently his solution, instead of flat out saying "I'm not interested" is to take the pussy way out and just blocking me.
No problem. Don't feel like you have an obligation to respond to my posts, knowing you read them is enough for me.
Darkmakaimura
Can You Imagine What SureAI Is Going To Do With Garfield?
If there's one thing I've been told I'm good at, it's reading people. I can honestly tell he's "fed up" with me. It may not be permanent but regardless, I'm pretty sure on this. I do give people the benefit on the doubt but more often than not when it comes to stuff like this, I've found myself right.
I can't go out and by myself. No money, no transportation and even at night, temperatures are around high 80's and 90's and that's late night. We're getting 110+ degree days.
I've already told myself I'm not going to text him about going out for awhile. If he really wants to, I'm sure he'll text me. I'm pretty much his best friend here. His birthday is coming later this month so we'll see what happens. If he doesn't invite me out, then that will pretty much tell me right there.
eddfromtheriver
Banned
Hell guys... were do you guys live at?, i live in tj but i'm able to cross the border and hang out if someone lives nearby.
MisterLuffy
Member
I got laid off, I used to work at customer service. Its just talking, answering their questions were my problem too. I have no answers to their question, and when I ask my manager questions that I don't have answers too, he/she gives me answers, but the next second I forget them. That's one of the reasons I don't like me. Is as if all the information I've gathered were deleted in my brain. My other problem with socializing with people are what I want to say, and most of the times I couldn't find words. My mind is blank most of the time. I know listening is important. I do listen, but I forget what they say in mere seconds. My grammar sucks, my brain sucks, I'm not intelligent, I'm an idiot, I'm no where near as intelligent as any other people I've met, and I'm not motivated by anything to make me change and to become better. I'm a lost cause. I'm nothing.
scar tissue
Banned
Well, the appealing things to me are:
- interactions with other people in a post-apocalyptic environment can be solved through avoiding or killing them. Much easier than in today's world, where you are, to a certain extent, at the mercy of your boss, your landlord, your parents... and have to talk things out with them. Fuck that. (I just tried talking to my dad again a few days ago, seems like he is still not prepared to take any kind of responsibility for what I am today. Well, maybe a tiny, tiny bit. And as soon as he admitted it, he immediately started backpedaling like crazy. Yeah, fuck interpersonal relationships, many are too complicated with too little payoff.)
- no expectations of other people you have to live up to. Surviving is enough.
- my skills actually help me reach my goals, and my weaknesses don't hinder me too much. I have good stamina, am decent with bow & arrow, know how to fish, can identify many plants & animals and know which ones are dangerous/edible and can keep cool during dangerous situations. My social anxiety is mostly a non-issue during post-apocalyptic times, since it wouldn't prevent me fighting or fleeing, only my talking/body language is affected.
- world is actually shit so I won't have to feel bad lamenting about it
- I get bored easily, probably a byproduct of my AD(H)D. Post-apocalyptic world offers new & dangerous experiences every day!
I think I'm going to rent "The Road" on Bluray tomorrow. The book was kinda cool, although a bit boring. But I need my post-apocalyptic fix, goddamnit.
And I'll definitely mention the game to my therapist tomorrow. Feels weird seriously discussing a mainstream videogame, just like you would discuss a film or book. What an incredible game, I think it will be looked upon as a milestone for years to come. The first mature, non-cheesy story in a mainstream game that is not an adventure (e.g. Walking Dead).
Here's a great blog by Stephen Fry (much loved British writer, actor, comedian and TV personality) about loneliness.
For those that don't know Fry suffers with cyclothymia - a mild form of bipolar - and recently admitted to trying to take his life last year.
Its well-written and I think he sums it up quitenicely with the following.
http://www.stephenfry.com/2013/06/24/only-the-lonely/
For those that don't know Fry suffers with cyclothymia - a mild form of bipolar - and recently admitted to trying to take his life last year.
Its well-written and I think he sums it up quitenicely with the following.
http://www.stephenfry.com/2013/06/24/only-the-lonely/
Gaf give me your thoughts...
I've been on effexor xr for awhile now (about half a year) and it seemed to help get me out of a rut I was in. I still have a lot of rough patches but overall I think it helped.
Thing is....I want out. I don't like the fact that I am taking medication everyday and it also comes with some side effects. One of the main ones is dizzyness/lightheadedness especially if I try drinking. In my 20's I really want to be able to go out and drink and have a good time. With effexor, I can't. I think I am going to ask my doctor if I can start tapering off the medication. However, I am scared that this might make me worse off.
I've been on effexor xr for awhile now (about half a year) and it seemed to help get me out of a rut I was in. I still have a lot of rough patches but overall I think it helped.
Thing is....I want out. I don't like the fact that I am taking medication everyday and it also comes with some side effects. One of the main ones is dizzyness/lightheadedness especially if I try drinking. In my 20's I really want to be able to go out and drink and have a good time. With effexor, I can't. I think I am going to ask my doctor if I can start tapering off the medication. However, I am scared that this might make me worse off.
Talk to your doctor. Every time I've gone off an antidepressant, I've relapsed within months. I have to be on them permanently. This may not be the case for you but I'd hate to see you backslide. Also, you have to be very careful tapering off SSRIs, especially Effexor as it has a short half-life.
The best thing is to discuss it with your doctor. Your doctor may be able to offer an alternate medication since you are experiencing some side effects. It sucks to have to take meds everyday but this is for your health. I think you can still have a good time with your friends without drinking.
I've only been on my meds for about 5 months and from speaking with my doctor, she said it's likely that I'll be on them for at least a year before they try to take me off them. Or I may need to be on them for the rest of my life. I don't know yet.
I'm also on effexor, and it seems fairly effective. Your reasons for wanting to go off it are understandable, but not good IMO. If the medication is helping, well I don't think going off it is a wise decision. Ask your doctor, but I'd recommend you stay on it and frankly deal with the tradeoffs. I'm a big guy (6'4, 250lbs), but I'm a light weight when it comes to alcohol because of antidepressants. Something I learned to accept I guess.
Also effexor withdrawal is no joke, just a warning.
Thing is my doctor and I don't really see eye to eye. I am kind of just stuck with her until I go back to school...switching doctors would take too long/not be worth it at this point. When I mentioned for instance, the fact I would like to be able to drink casually with friends/feel like I am missing out on some wild times in college...she kept referring to me wanting to stop so I can get "high" with my friends...also seems like she is way more pro-med than me and fails to see why some people don't want to be using any medication on a daily basis.
All I want is the peace of mind of knowing nothing is affecting my body/mood other than myself. Every time I get a headache/dizzy/feel tired/irritable I don't want to have to guess; is this me or the medication doing this?
Sure, that's fair. Maybe it would help if we knew why you went on the meds in the first place.
You do realize that the medication is likely helping you over the rut as you put it? Considering that you said yourself that you still have a lot of rough patches, I don't think it's wise to go off the medication. You could backslide.
I can understand not wanting to be on medication on a daily basis and I don't know why you went on your meds but I think you should probably stay on and deal with the side effects. Was this the only medication that you tried? Could you try something else that does not have the same side effects?
The thing with antidepressants is that it's hard enough finding a medication that works for you. I went through no less than seven of them before Prozac showed promise. If he's found something, he should probably stick with it.
BigEvilTurtle
Banned
Would you rather not be depressed and have some manageable side-effects, or be depressed? Weaning off the meds is a really risky idea, and I don't think it's worth it. The meds are used to keep you on a normal level. It's not always something that just goes away after time.
Fair enough. I realize that I was lucky in that the first thing I tried seemed to click for me.
Your doctor reminds me of my psychiatrist, only difference was I was trying to get high! heheheh. Which irritated me deeply as I believe marijuana has made my life far more tolerable. Anyway I've been through the Antidepressant roulette, took me years to find something that I think is helping. It sucks man, but I'd keep taking the medication. I don't know your situation, but a relapse isn't worth it over being able to casually drink.
I definitely don't want to be super depressed again but it has been so long (with this med and a few I tried before that) that I am unsure if I even need the effexor at this point. I might be fine without taking anything who knows? I could theoretically start taking effexor again if I needed too though, correct? It is possible I just hit a low point (relationship wise/anxiety over careers and stuff contributed) but that I have overcome that. I don't want to stick with it just in fear of relapse...feel like that is also dangerous. If its not needed, I shouldn't be medicating. Idk its tough, I don't really feel like I connect to well with my doc so I basically have been trying to make this choice by myself and with help of family and such.
ClassyPenguin
Banned
Medication is medication. You take cough meds when you have a cough, aspirin when you have a headache. Antidepressants are no different. It's like a diabetic taking insulin. Don't let media myths and misinformation from get in the way of taking your meds.
Don't let taking medication daily make you think you are a slave to them, you are not. Anti-depressants don't work that way.
Don't let taking medication daily make you think you are a slave to them, you are not. Anti-depressants don't work that way.
- Status