Mental Health |OT| Depression & Co.
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ClassyPenguin
Banned
Thought I'd share.
Roads.
Roads.
ClassyPenguin
Banned
lowest dose is usually a tolerance dose, so to make sure you don't have any adverse reactions.
5-htp is a supplement(therefore not regulated) not a drug, use caution.
Yep. listen to this person. seek professional advice. Always.
ClassyPenguin
Banned
Anti-depressants have the ironic side-effect of sometimes increasing suicidality, which is why they always start low.
It's amazing what you learn from being curious and having great psychiatrists answer your questions.
It's amazing what you learn from being curious and having great psychiatrists answer your questions.
Do you have family?
My family is actually pretty worthless at helping me feel better, honestly.
I can imagine. But they can curb the loneliness I guess.
Cameron122
Member
Been in bed all day. Haven't really talked to anybody or even play games in days.
I think im done
I think im done
Not my family... They just tend to make me feel worse.
Bel Marduk
Banned
Pets are pretty good for that, and for being non-judgmental.. except my cat, he's an asshole.
Whereabouts do you live? in a big city or small town? maybe go to a bar or something random... though drinking alcohol is possibly the worst thing to do.
ThisWreckage
Banned
It's a problem, but it's not a problem. I've been that way for so long that I'm completely apathetic toward it. I love my free time, but I simply can't meet people being a hermit.
Darkmakaimura
Can You Imagine What SureAI Is Going To Do With Garfield?
I would say truth. Nobody has told me, "hey, you're really talented" and I end up telling people I'm not. I've said it before in this thread that I just kind of given up. At this point, I'm just existing.modesty?
Hypereides
Member
It plagues and haunts me night and day.
It's kinda funny actually. I've been playing Atlus's Catherine lately, and the plot alluded me to write this post.
Across my years in elementary school, middle school and high school I was physically abused by my male classmates and verbally abused by my female classmates. I was never acknowledged by the female sex when I was young and more than often felt like quasimodo. My first crush rejected me, after I confessed my feelings for her. I never even had a girlfriend. Heck, I didn't even have any 'real' friends back in those days, which is probably why I'm prone to lose friends faster than I get to know them.I tended to show a sympathic character towards everyone when I was younger - and wanted to see the good in others - but that eventually lead them to take advantage of my goodwill. That or I'd be thrown away for some better - or perhaps - popular individual. Eventually I learned to stop being naive. Which is probably also one of the reasons to why i prefer a life i solitude. It took me years to realise I wasn't a bad looking guy.
I've been sexually intimate with several women since my school years, but none of them have evolved past the act of a quick fling or a short term sexual affair. I did however meet one whom fell deeply in love with me, but whom I also kept pushing away. Which is one of the biggest regrets to this date.
Truth is I'm afraid of commitment. Whenever I tried to propose the idea of a relationship or confessed my feelings I was always shot down. Which has made me fearful and hesitant of exposing that kind of vulnerability. I'm a bi-product of my surroundings as they say, which has pretty much lead me to express apathy towards all.
All the women in my life had a tendency to manipulate, use, or lie to me for whatever selfish reason they had. Which ultimately has lead me to attribute a high degree of distrust towards the female gender. Don't get me wrong though, I don't hate women. But would I rely on a woman to help me or entrust her with a personal matter? no. Do I however see women as very competent and skilled workers and colleagues? Yes. But that's as far as my compassion goes.
One line in Catherine stood apart to me, in a dialogue, Vincent, the protagonist has with his drinking buddy Orlando:
I know it sounds pretty silly to draw reference from a game, but it aligns with my experiences: I've had a woman fall in love with me to whom I was unfaithfull. I've had an affair with another woman whilst being involved with first one. And I had a pseudo relationship with a seductress that ultmately stabbed me in the back. Talk about karma.
What's even more eerie is how all these 3 women shared very similiar names too. Parallel to the game's plot-line. Perhaps a wierd coincedence in my case.
I'm not much of a superstitious man but I had my tarot cards read by a psychic once, years ago, which foretold that I "would be unlucky in love and friendship, but ultimately everything would be resolved". Whatever that means. Maybe being the cheating bastard I once was has actually put a curse on me.
There's a theory that abused people turn into abusers. I guess there might be some truth to that. These days I'm mostly consumed by my own fury, which at the moment is a necessary evil that fuels my motivation and productivity to become a stronger and smarter individual. But I'm also prone to a passive aggressive nature, some times involving outbursts and remarks towards innocent bystanders.
So why did I write this? I realise that probably 99.99% of GAF don't even know who I am or could care even less about my posts. I didn't write this post to seek pity. But it is a selfish deed to relieve some psychological stress of my chest.
So GAF do you have any stories to share? Any advice? Any input? I have tried consultation at a psychatrist and a shrink. Sadly it's also very expensive.
I apologise if this comes off too live journal-ish. Have at you GAF, mock me with your lols, post your puns, call me pathetic and/or post patronising comments on my expense. Quite honestly I'm immune to that shit. I just needed to vent some bad air.
It's kinda funny actually. I've been playing Atlus's Catherine lately, and the plot alluded me to write this post.
Across my years in elementary school, middle school and high school I was physically abused by my male classmates and verbally abused by my female classmates. I was never acknowledged by the female sex when I was young and more than often felt like quasimodo. My first crush rejected me, after I confessed my feelings for her. I never even had a girlfriend. Heck, I didn't even have any 'real' friends back in those days, which is probably why I'm prone to lose friends faster than I get to know them.I tended to show a sympathic character towards everyone when I was younger - and wanted to see the good in others - but that eventually lead them to take advantage of my goodwill. That or I'd be thrown away for some better - or perhaps - popular individual. Eventually I learned to stop being naive. Which is probably also one of the reasons to why i prefer a life i solitude. It took me years to realise I wasn't a bad looking guy.
I've been sexually intimate with several women since my school years, but none of them have evolved past the act of a quick fling or a short term sexual affair. I did however meet one whom fell deeply in love with me, but whom I also kept pushing away. Which is one of the biggest regrets to this date.
Truth is I'm afraid of commitment. Whenever I tried to propose the idea of a relationship or confessed my feelings I was always shot down. Which has made me fearful and hesitant of exposing that kind of vulnerability. I'm a bi-product of my surroundings as they say, which has pretty much lead me to express apathy towards all.
All the women in my life had a tendency to manipulate, use, or lie to me for whatever selfish reason they had. Which ultimately has lead me to attribute a high degree of distrust towards the female gender. Don't get me wrong though, I don't hate women. But would I rely on a woman to help me or entrust her with a personal matter? no. Do I however see women as very competent and skilled workers and colleagues? Yes. But that's as far as my compassion goes.
One line in Catherine stood apart to me, in a dialogue, Vincent, the protagonist has with his drinking buddy Orlando:
I know it sounds pretty silly to draw reference from a game, but it aligns with my experiences: I've had a woman fall in love with me to whom I was unfaithfull. I've had an affair with another woman whilst being involved with first one. And I had a pseudo relationship with a seductress that ultmately stabbed me in the back. Talk about karma.
What's even more eerie is how all these 3 women shared very similiar names too. Parallel to the game's plot-line. Perhaps a wierd coincedence in my case.
I'm not much of a superstitious man but I had my tarot cards read by a psychic once, years ago, which foretold that I "would be unlucky in love and friendship, but ultimately everything would be resolved". Whatever that means. Maybe being the cheating bastard I once was has actually put a curse on me.
There's a theory that abused people turn into abusers. I guess there might be some truth to that. These days I'm mostly consumed by my own fury, which at the moment is a necessary evil that fuels my motivation and productivity to become a stronger and smarter individual. But I'm also prone to a passive aggressive nature, some times involving outbursts and remarks towards innocent bystanders.
So why did I write this? I realise that probably 99.99% of GAF don't even know who I am or could care even less about my posts. I didn't write this post to seek pity. But it is a selfish deed to relieve some psychological stress of my chest.
So GAF do you have any stories to share? Any advice? Any input? I have tried consultation at a psychatrist and a shrink. Sadly it's also very expensive.
I apologise if this comes off too live journal-ish. Have at you GAF, mock me with your lols, post your puns, call me pathetic and/or post patronising comments on my expense. Quite honestly I'm immune to that shit. I just needed to vent some bad air.
iRAWRasaurus
Banned
Doing the same, I don't know why I am even making an attempt to do well anymore. It's just going to end in me failing somehow and making myself more depress.
Yep. Have a dog. I think he is the only individual who really needs me and who I am important for. Too really feel needed/important to many people.
Have you ever had any female friends or family members that you've had a platonic and healthy relationship with? Have you tried seeking out women not only as sexual partners but also as friends?
Does knowing that someone is a woman make you not trust what they have to say even superficially? For example, many of the posters in this thread including me are women and I'm sure would be willing to help out.
I honestly don't know exactly to help with the issue, but realizing that women are not some monolithic group and don't have anything inherent in them that makes them untrustworthy is a good step. As well as interacting with them regularly and seeing that they aren't all terrible people who are going to manipulate you. Maybe once you get to the point where you can trust women who are friends, you can then move onto the vulnerabilities that are involved in trusting someone both romantically and sexually. (Personally might be a better word. I just mean trusting someone in a relationship that is beyond sexual.)
It does sound that your issues with relationships extend just beyond one gender though.
Feel free to PM me if you want to talk.
Oh hai, I have severe trust issues with men. Mainly for the fact that a lot of them caused me extreme emotional and psychological strife most of my life.
Darkmakaimura
Can You Imagine What SureAI Is Going To Do With Garfield?
I feel your pain except you've had a better life in regards to relationships with women then even I have.
I suppose I could say, and I want to stress so much that I'm not trying to sound sexist (I'm not), I have trust issues with women. Every woman I've come across in regards to trying to be anything more than friends usually ends up with that girl playing mind games with me. I've been hurt more times than I can count. In fact, I've only had one girlfriend/relationship during my entire life and considering my age, that's really bad.
In the end, considering my physical appearance, intelligence and personality, I can't blame women for being repelled by me. I nothing to offer in any department. It's a surprise I actually had one girlfriend in my life and that didn't end so well. I could probably go and write a long essay on this but honestly, I'm terrible for the most part even communicating my problems. But really, in the scheme of things you're definitely not pathetic at all compared to me, Highluxury. I don't know if that will be any consolation to you but there it is.
Looks like I might be missing Group DBT again because who knows what's going on with my transportation. Called my case manager to Ask her If everything was setup, and yet here I am, still at home. Fuck.
Edit: Well better late than never, because I'm definitely going to be late . . .
Edit: Well better late than never, because I'm definitely going to be late . . .
Based on the examples you've provided it seems like you have made poor choices with females in your adulthood. Maybe it's not that all women are not to be trusted, but instead you should try to be a little more discerning when it comes to the women you place your trust in. This should apply to everyone actually, not just women.
Hypereides
Member
My sister. But she's still young and immature at heart. Despite that she's a better judge of character than me. She's also very attention seeking and materialistic. I was pretty startled once when I noticed she tagged "manipulation" in a teen magazine, in a quiz, next to a question "what would you do to get your way?" some years ago.
My mother is a whole different story. She's proven to use manipulation quite often too. Even admitted she did it when she was younger to get boys to do things for her. She's also an elder practioneer and graduate of law. Also advisor towards my ambition of becoming a corporate lawyer.
Probably the only 2 women I "trust", since we're related by blood.
Yes. But most of the time I'd become more of a emotional sponge rather than a friend.
Yes. They instantenously fall under the category of "what good can you do for me?" - as in: what valueble assets to they attain or posses that could prove beneficial long term. I'm talking connections and networking for business purposes. If they have none of that value, they're worthless to me. A woman is more valueble to me as an asset than a lover.
Quite honestly whenever I look around I only see women trying to extract some kind of purpose out of men. Be it something to brag about, money, status, attention, superficial acknowledgement, or some kind of other advantage. It absolutely disgusts me. Which is pretty much why I'm repaying them the same way. Many women will use their beauty to get places. Honesty amongst women is paperthin these days in my experience. It's a negative currency.
True, it kind of generally extends to everyone. I've been burnt way, way, way too many times by people. The way I see it, its survival of the fittest. I'm eternally cynical of people who pose with good manners. It's usually those that often seek to get something from you or out of you. Honest inetntions are a rare sight these days.
I'll keep that in mind.
In a weird way traveling has made me feel even more lonely in the world.
Just remembered, first time since booking it weeks and weeks ago, that my train to Paris is at 5:40am, which means we can't even use the subway to get to the station, which means taking a taxi, which means all of the savings in getting the tickets for this time is down the shitter. Woops.
This and related is helping. I'm just tired I think.
Just remembered, first time since booking it weeks and weeks ago, that my train to Paris is at 5:40am, which means we can't even use the subway to get to the station, which means taking a taxi, which means all of the savings in getting the tickets for this time is down the shitter. Woops.
This and related is helping. I'm just tired I think.
ThisWreckage
Banned
Oh, absolutely. The more I try to socialize, travel, and broaden my horizons, the lonelier I end up being. I feel the most lonely when I'm surrounded by people.
And having trust issues with women could be infinitely worse...I don't trust anyone. The whole of humanity. I think once you realize that the primary motivating factor for any human being is the variable of self interest then it's hard to trust anyone.
It's so funny (to me). I can be genuinely interested, surrounded by people I like, am engaged by conversation, and yet in the back of my mind I think about how meaningless my existence is. Typically I've used this as a way to be more open and outgoing in recent years, so it's been a real positive, but I guess in this instance it's a bit different.
I sit there and just think what it is I want from life and I come up with...nothing. I find things I genuinely feel like I want to do, and I should be feeling incredible, that I managed to set a goal and am living it, yet it's just emptiness for the most part. Like now I don't have that goal anymore, I can't even enjoy the thing I've been planning for so long.
As for the second part with trust. I trust people a bit too much. I always seem to have a good gauge on how people are, if they'll act as a decent human or not. It's meant I've met many people and talk to them as I would my "best" friends.
I hate the human race, yet I'm stuck in it. Best thing you can do is make the most out of it and live as good of a person as you can be. If I feel this way about my existence, I want others to feel better about theirs (making them laugh or smile or whatever).
I'm ranting because it's late, I've got a headache and don't want to sleep on this floor again. The caviat is I've been much happier the last 5 months or so than I've been in a long time. Just an outburst of the past I suppose. Thanks for the tiny block of webzone.
ClassyPenguin
Banned
So these past days made me be more social. My aunt and uncle visited from North Carolina and it was funny how "normal" I became. Same with yesterday which had me go many places for some medical stuff my dad needed. I think the higher dose of paxil has helped out tremendously and since I got my ambien refilled, the regular sleep patterns are doing wonders.
Being social is like a muscle, use it or it atrophies.
Being social is like a muscle, use it or it atrophies.
Cameron122
Member
ClassyPenguin
Banned
http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showthread.php?t=614716
Point being, your career isn't being dictated by your major.
Have any of you tried writing down 5 things you like about yourself and 5 things you don't. I couldn't come up with anything at first but I set 5 minutes each day at doing it and eventually I had a list I was happy about. There's something about reading your own written word that seems to give it more weight than thoughts running through your head or even words spoken.
Edit:Thinking back it took me about 2 weeks to come up with that list.
Edit:Thinking back it took me about 2 weeks to come up with that list.
Collete
Member
Probably a mixture of luck somewhere in it...
We'll see...just thinking of my major makes nauseated...
Funny enough, a good friend of mine gave me that challenge to write 5 things that I liked about myself around late June I think. It's nearly mid July and I still can't think of anything...It might take some time though I guess. Everyone thinks and works differently I suppose.
I have too much empathy, or is it sympathy? I always feel sorry for other people.
I feel guilty because they are suffering and I'm not.
How do I stop? I hate to say it but I wish I was more selfish. I don't want top care about other peoples feelings or how they perceive me.
I should just stop talking to anyone, don't let them get close. I get less depressed alone than with company.
I feel guilty because they are suffering and I'm not.
How do I stop? I hate to say it but I wish I was more selfish. I don't want top care about other peoples feelings or how they perceive me.
I should just stop talking to anyone, don't let them get close. I get less depressed alone than with company.
Yea, from the time it was mentioned to me, to the time I actually decided to have a real go at doing it was about 4 months and only because I was reminded of it again.
I only feel this way about my family, but it is a powerful feeling indeed. My mom has shingles right now, pretty much bedridden. Her immune system is deficient from Chemotherapy in the past and blood thinners after she had a heart attack last fall. Making her susceptible to the shit in the first place, hell she's had the virus in the past, but she has unique regenerative genes, so now she's dealing with it again. Makes me feel pretty bad whenever I reflect on it. Nothing I can really do to make that shit go away, kinda hard to enjoy myself (which is already hard, meh) when she's in such pain. Having the perspective that your situation is better than others is nothing to feel guilty about though. It's unjustified guilt, irrational. I know it's hard to keep in perspective, but these are positive things in life not negative. We must be mindful of whatever little privilege we have, and learn to appreciate it, not scorn it.
I know you feel guilt and possibly shame, but know that these feelings are unjustified. Having empathy for others is admirable, but don't let it eat away at you in a way that makes you feel guilt. Try and see the positives of such a situation, ie. lemons out of lemonade and appreciate your standing instead.
whiterabbit
Member
I bummed a cig from a clerk. I feel awful. I'm even taking a new med to help me quit.
Can't say I know what that is like personally man, but I know cigarettes are pretty tough to quit. Weed my vice, has withdrawal side-effects more comparable to caffeine. Lotsa headaches, but otherwise mostly just moments of, "I would sure like some marijuana . . .". So not even on that level. Now Effexor withdrawal on the other hand . . . Christ. So good luck with that, quitting cigarettes is admirable.
Hypereides
Member
It becomes an easy change once you expect people to disappoint you. It's safer that way. If you get a certain hunch that people percieve you as a tool, return that and view them as a tool to your benefit aswell.
Don't let people bring you down if they try. I don't let it get me down. I channel that energy into building blocks for a better person. That's the only way to create any significant changes in this world. It's by becoming a better human than the rest. You still have to apply by certain rules of society, but use them wisely to your advantage. Because most people will prove to be two-faced.
You have no idea how much burning rage I produce when I lift weights. They weigh almost nothing. I just have to imagine the amount of injustice I've gone through, or the face of this seductress ridiculing me and my head lits up like an inferno.
Head over to the e-cig thread. I smoked e-smokes for 2 months and quit abruptly. Been clean for 2 months now and have no intentions of going back to smoking. So much waste of health and money. Besides e-cigs are a very economical option. I strongly recomend it.
Hypereides
Member
I agree about social atrophy ClassyPenguin. Glad you're having some good days.
I'm not even going to read those posts again. Just an outburst of ranting some things I had nowhere else to put. I'll be fine, thanks man.
Nope. 5 things I don't like about myself aren't enough, and I'd never be able to come up with just 2 things I like.
I'm in such a weird space socially. I hung out with some friends last night - big gamer types - and as the night went on I just felt less and less involved and enthused to be there. Like, I still love games and enjoy playing them, but I'm beginning to see that maybe it's time for me find some different social circles to hang in.
I feel like such a pompous asshole saying it, but that's where I am. Like, I just want to start learning and gaining new skills so that I can meet more types of people. I once described to my mother that I always feel like I'm "two degrees off" from everyone else in my various social groups. Hell, the whole reason I had to develop those groups in the first place is because I don't feel comfortable expressing certain parts of my self around certain groups of people. Like I'm always walking on eggshells around everyone.
It sucks because I tend to get pretty lonely, but I'm also losing my enthusiasm to hang out with my current crop of friends. I feel like such a jerk because I know a lot of awesome people, and I feel like I'm acting like I'm too good for them. But I hate feeling alone, so this is something I have to confront I guess.
What's helped me over time is realizing that driving myself crazy being sad for everyone else is only making it harder for me to deal with my own shit. It is one of those things where you have to be a little selfish, but not in a callous or uncaring way. Just recognize that you can't carry everyone else's pain and your own.
I feel like such a pompous asshole saying it, but that's where I am. Like, I just want to start learning and gaining new skills so that I can meet more types of people. I once described to my mother that I always feel like I'm "two degrees off" from everyone else in my various social groups. Hell, the whole reason I had to develop those groups in the first place is because I don't feel comfortable expressing certain parts of my self around certain groups of people. Like I'm always walking on eggshells around everyone.
It sucks because I tend to get pretty lonely, but I'm also losing my enthusiasm to hang out with my current crop of friends. I feel like such a jerk because I know a lot of awesome people, and I feel like I'm acting like I'm too good for them. But I hate feeling alone, so this is something I have to confront I guess.
Happens to me too. Talking to people less might help in the short term, but in the long term you'll start to feel really isolated.
What's helped me over time is realizing that driving myself crazy being sad for everyone else is only making it harder for me to deal with my own shit. It is one of those things where you have to be a little selfish, but not in a callous or uncaring way. Just recognize that you can't carry everyone else's pain and your own.
whiterabbit
Member
I wouldn't mind being an occasional/social smoker and finding a brand that is light enough not to irritate my throat. I have tried an e-cig. It wasn't too bad.
Otherwise, I'm feeling pretty good this morning. Still unemployed though...
Otherwise, I'm feeling pretty good this morning. Still unemployed though...
A Human Becoming
More than a Member
I really need to start taking my anti-depressant medication regularly again. Posts like these get to me way too much. Just a reminder how terrible my social skills are. This is an example why I'm such a reserved person.
I think I've written in the past about how June 2013 was the worst month of my life, in the middle of what's been the worst year of my life (which is saying something given how awful some of the others have been). Everything just came crashing down on me and I've been struggling to stay afloat. I'm also pretty sure that the water is filled with floating turds and other sewage but don't quote me on that.
I was going to write something really long and really elaborate but to be honest, I'm tired, sleepy and Bagels is much better at those posts than I am. I just wanted to say that you guys have been really great. Ever since I became a chat regular, it's like I've been on this speeding train and some friendships have formed that have been invaluable to me. I can always be guaranteed to smile and laugh, whether I'm in chat or in mumble. And right now, I *really* need that.
So yeah. <3 and all of that. I still feel I have no control of anything but life must go on, somehow. It feels scarier than death to me but the future has yet to be determined. And the sun is shining today.
I was going to write something really long and really elaborate but to be honest, I'm tired, sleepy and Bagels is much better at those posts than I am. I just wanted to say that you guys have been really great. Ever since I became a chat regular, it's like I've been on this speeding train and some friendships have formed that have been invaluable to me. I can always be guaranteed to smile and laugh, whether I'm in chat or in mumble. And right now, I *really* need that.
So yeah. <3 and all of that. I still feel I have no control of anything but life must go on, somehow. It feels scarier than death to me but the future has yet to be determined. And the sun is shining today.
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