Mental Health |OT| Depression & Co.

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Speaking of superhero comics, I got a pair of sparkly Batman underwear. You have no idea how much that can make your day. I suggest everyone to go out and buy a pair.

Okay, I GUESS it doesn't have to be sparkly Batman underwear in particular. But remember that small changes to the routine can make your day a bit brighter. :3

I like this idea + agree. :3
 
Fuck... so i got the results for the STD test that i thought i had... came out negative... wish it would've been positive... at least that way i could start attacking it... back to square one... damn it.
 
I'm not sure why I'm mentioned. Lately I feel I've been detering everyone away by being negative and depressed. But thank you for the compliment.

Also...Friend tried to suggest for me to get back into drawing again...So I tried and here's the shitty attempt:

You were mentioned because you are a sweetheart and an awesome person of course!
 
Hope everyone is doing okay in here, about to watch Godzilla Final Wars on DVD, before I got see Pacific Rim with my brother. Giving myself a legit Creature Double-Feature. Doing decent today, hope you guys have a nice Friday y'all.
 
Something that happened last tuesday triggered a reaction that I have not had in years. Im still having it on and off since it happened. I feel borderline delusional and unable to even tell what's going on around me when I allow myself to feel. I'm letting myself believe what I'm being accused of is what I actually did and admitting to it when it's not exactly what happened. I didnt do it with that intent but I'm letting myself believe that I did. When i was accused of lying it brought on this ultra anxious feeling then i felt numb. While I'm feeling this way im a complete compulsive liar. I'll tell the person they are right even if they aren't and even make up things that are even worse than what I did when in reality I didn't. If I try to defend myself in this state I only start making up more lies in my defened myself. I have no idea what is going on with me. This has happened to me before but not in so many years and I just can't think clearly about what to do. . Its like I'm just letting feelings and ideas talk for me. And when I start to defend myself I'll do an awful job communicating plus lie to support my claim. I'm anxious, shaking and on edge. When I focus on just my thoughts what was actually going on and let the thinking side of my brain do the talking, im able to tell the truth. I keep slipping into this delusional anxious state though. I have no idea what I'm experiencing atm. What should I do?

It may help to write down the truth and refer back to it when you're having these feelings. Also are times when I find I'm not paying attention to what I'm saying, mostly when I'm thinking about something else, it could be that if you're feeling anxious about the situation then the anxiety is distracting you and causing a dissonance between your thoughts and your words.

Were there specific things you did the last time this happened arose that helped you get through it? If there were then do those things again, if there weren't then do the things that normally calm yourself.
 
Does anyone here have a Tumblr. I'm loving it quite a bit and I created one not long ago. It helps me just kinda randomly post interests and whatnot.

http://theshadowcourt.tumblr.com/

Not much of my own stuff up there yet but maybe I'll post photos of my Tonopah trip on it when I get back.
 
I'm not sure why I'm mentioned. Lately I feel I've been detering everyone away by being negative and depressed. But thank you for the compliment.

Also...Friend tried to suggest for me to get back into drawing again...So I tried and here's the shitty attempt:

Don't over think it. A little goodwill can make everyone's day. I find that people often think others are just as bothered by things and as down as they are, so they beat themselves up for being human and having emotions. :p

Also, loving the pic. Get a real sense of movement out of it.
 
I am upset.

I don't understand why I have these thoughts that aren't my own. I did nothing wrong. I wish I could jab a fork up my nose and scratch away these thoughts from my brain. I just feel so fucking stupid.
 
I am upset.

I don't understand why I have these thoughts that aren't my own. I did nothing wrong. I wish I could jab a fork up my nose and scratch away these thoughts from my brain. I just feel so fucking stupid.

You are not stupid. You are one of the best people I know. These episodes don't define who you are. We are happy to help you through them if we can. Love you man, you got this. Come back to chat or listen to some soothing music. /hugs
 
I am upset.

I don't understand why I have these thoughts that aren't my own. I did nothing wrong. I wish I could jab a fork up my nose and scratch away these thoughts from my brain. I just feel so fucking stupid.
I don't think you're stupid and on top of that, you were nice enough to check up on me via PM about a week ago and recently as well. Hell, look at my post/comment history here if you want to see stupid.
 
Allo~ I return to do a mini mega post~
Man, too many lives to keep track of.
I am woefully inept when it comes to remembering people and names and things about them. I feel like I should possibly start keeping excel sheets/databases on everyone so I can keep track of what's going on. xD (Don't worry, I won't. I am too lazy LOL).

But in news for me, it seems like I was able to get my "Night Crew Renovation Team" spot, so I can work full-time hours with a dollar premium on my regular pay for the next few months, starting next week! Yay! That means not really having to deal with the public/customers~! Plus it means extra money so that I can eventually afford a condo in some other shady neighbourhood! Plus it means my schedule coincides more with my guy's so we can actually spend more quality time together--whatever the heck that is.

However, will this lead to more interaction with CO-WORKERS which may lead to more workplace POLITICS and actually having to converse and socialize at a greater depth? I DON'T KNOW. GUESS WE'LL FIND OUT.
Also this means probably less time to waste and do nothing. which is sad. I truly adore wasting time. But then again, maybe I will cram in more art because I'm so used to doing art when I should be busy doing other things. lol

So if I'm around even less to talk and stuff, you'll know why!

I'm not sure why I'm mentioned. Lately I feel I've been detering everyone away by being negative and depressed. But thank you for the compliment.

Also...Friend tried to suggest for me to get back into drawing again...So I tried and here's the shitty attempt:
Ahh! Good! Drawing again! You shouldn't give up on it, especially if it keeps you occupied and focused on something. It's all a part of being able to express yourself in different ways, anyway.
This one reminds me of grass sprouting again from the ground. Like a new spring or a new beginning! And also sperm being attached to an ovum and trying to fertilize it. LOL The brightness/lightness of the background makes it seem hopeful or calm.
Also.. Ashes' comment about it being a colossus works too. xD Because it's liek grass sprouting from the rocks~

Something that happened last tuesday triggered a reaction that I have not had in years. Im still having it on and off since it happened. I feel borderline delusional and unable to even tell what's going on around me when I allow myself to feel. I'm letting myself believe what I'm being accused of is what I actually did and admitting to it when it's not exactly what happened. I didnt do it with that intent but I'm letting myself believe that I did. When i was accused of lying it brought on this ultra anxious feeling then i felt numb. While I'm feeling this way im a complete compulsive liar. I'll tell the person they are right even if they aren't and even make up things that are even worse than what I did when in reality I didn't. If I try to defend myself in this state I only start making up more lies in my defened myself. I have no idea what is going on with me. This has happened to me before but not in so many years and I just can't think clearly about what to do. . Its like I'm just letting feelings and ideas talk for me. And when I start to defend myself I'll do an awful job communicating plus lie to support my claim. I'm anxious, shaking and on edge. When I focus on just my thoughts what was actually going on and let the thinking side of my brain do the talking, im able to tell the truth. I keep slipping into this delusional anxious state though. I have no idea what I'm experiencing atm. What should I do?
I am not sure how to make sense of what is happening to you, but that does sound pretty confusing for even you!

It almost sounds like your brain went into a creativity spiral? Like you got triggered and now you're just making stuff up and all these stories and scenarios, and it's like.. maybe all these ideas would make for compelling short stories.
I think there is definitely a part of the human brain that enjoys making stories. It's our creative side. But maybe whatever is going on with you and your anxiety also activates that as well and all this stuff just.. comes out.

It's good that you are able to focus yourself and get your true thoughts out at least sometimes though. Keep that in mind that you do have this objective and true side to you. The advice about writing down what is objectively true might help you. Also, if you're comfortable, just tell people that sometimes when you're too frazzled or flustered, it's hard to think clearly and the things you say can be random. If you feel this way and people are pressuring you for answers, just tell them to hang on a sec to gather your thoughts because you want to give people the right information.

This is why I read superhero comics. Solve conflict with epic fights and punching people into buildings! :D


Have fun on your trip! :)

Speaking of superhero comics, I got a pair of sparkly Batman underwear. You have no idea how much that can make your day. I suggest everyone to go out and buy a pair.

Okay, I GUESS it doesn't have to be sparkly Batman underwear in particular. But remember that small changes to the routine can make your day a bit brighter. :3
Ahaha~ I wish I could get into superhero comics more! Oh man, I try, but sometimes it's so hard.. (because reading is so much work? idk! LOL) Or I am possibly way too elitist and am a huge hater and have a whole aesthetic preference about how story and pacing and characterization should work... And this really means I should just stop complaining and go make my own comics already, but that is going to be 30 years of procrastination /sigh

BUT I LIKE YOUR IDEA. IT IS A SOLID ONE!
Make a change and treat yourself once in a while. Brighten your own day. Why? Because why not! You can enjoy your life sometimes. If you are looking for some authority because you feel like you can't give yourself the permission, then allow me: I said so. I allow you to enjoy yourself sometimes. Guilt free.

Fuck... so i got the results for the STD test that i thought i had... came out negative... wish it would've been positive... at least that way i could start attacking it... back to square one... damn it.
Well.. try to think of it as at least it's not THAT one.
And maybe it's just an allergic reaction or a rash or something?
I am sure it will work out and you'll be able to get it treated well enough. Best of luck. Hopefully is something inconsequential and you can be on with your life soon!

Does anyone here have a Tumblr. I'm loving it quite a bit and I created one not long ago. It helps me just kinda randomly post interests and whatnot.

http://theshadowcourt.tumblr.com/

Not much of my own stuff up there yet but maybe I'll post photos of my Tonopah trip on it when I get back.
I have one~!!
It's: http://orangesolarcat.tumblr.com

It's pretty random and you may get annoyed at me if any of you follow me because I post stupid things or whine or "dear diary", but I am most active there and DeviantArt, so if you want more of me for whatever reasons, that's where I am~!

Mini-rant ensues about tumblr:
I like tumblr because it's like scrapbooking and journal writing and "socializing" (aka reblogging crap from others that you fin interesting) all in one buggy mess and like.. who ares. There are no standards or expectations as far as I'm concerned. The only annoying part is when you have friends who are REALLY OBSSESSED with a fandom and they reposts 20 things in a row from it and then your other friend reposts the same 20 things and then a THIRD friend does it and you're just saying to yourself "really, guys? Can you not be a little more discriminating when choosing what you post? Is Thor/Hiddleston/Cumbersatch/whatever REALLY THAT INTERESTING -- NO THEY ARE NOT" but then you never say that to their face and instead quietly use "tumblr savior" to blacklist posts you don't wanna look at and peace is had in your brain again. //endrant

Anyway, I really like tumblr except for the times that I don't. ~~~*
(this is how I am on tumblr too. If you didn't like the snippet I have shown you, do not follow me you will regret lol!)

Anyway, glad you seem to be feeling better Darkmakai~
It's hard not to be severely disappointed in people sometimes, but other times they can surprise you and do just the opposite right? Just try to keep that in mind and have a fun time on your trip~!

too my ambien@ 9:ookm and it is still bluudy sun oit.



bah'mum

now athat do do
You should like.. lay down or listen to music until you fall asleep.
Hope you feel better and less poor typing soon~!

I support this thread,
Thanks for your support!

I think we all appreciate it! :)

I am upset.

I don't understand why I have these thoughts that aren't my own. I did nothing wrong. I wish I could jab a fork up my nose and scratch away these thoughts from my brain. I just feel so fucking stupid.
Why are you so upset for? Maybe your thoughts are the things upsetting you.

Try to give them the same sort of attention you would give a nonsensical dream. They float in and out and you might try to "make sense" of them, but it's better to just not bother unless you want to play with them instead. Give yourself a mental "time out" and take a break and do something refreshing like listening to music or watching something funny or even making yourself a lemonade.

It's like.. not even that hot outside tonight in T.O., which is awesome! You could head to a 7-11 and buy a slurpee~ (I have one nearby me, which is why I said that haha).
 
I have one~!!
It's: http://orangesolarcat.tumblr.com

It's pretty random and you may get annoyed at me if any of you follow me because I post stupid things or whine or "dear diary", but I am most active there and DeviantArt, so if you want more of me for whatever reasons, that's where I am~!

Mini-rant ensues about tumblr:
I like tumblr because it's like scrapbooking and journal writing and "socializing" (aka reblogging crap from others that you fin interesting) all in one buggy mess and like.. who ares. There are no standards or expectations as far as I'm concerned. The only annoying part is when you have friends who are REALLY OBSSESSED with a fandom and they reposts 20 things in a row from it and then your other friend reposts the same 20 things and then a THIRD friend does it and you're just saying to yourself "really, guys? Can you not be a little more discriminating when choosing what you post? Is Thor/Hiddleston/Cumbersatch/whatever REALLY THAT INTERESTING -- NO THEY ARE NOT" but then you never say that to their face and instead quietly use "tumblr savior" to blacklist posts you don't wanna look at and peace is had in your brain again. //endrant

Anyway, I really like tumblr except for the times that I don't. ~~~*
(this is how I am on tumblr too. If you didn't like the snippet I have shown you, do not follow me you will regret lol!)

Anyway, glad you seem to be feeling better Darkmakai~
It's hard not to be severely disappointed in people sometimes, but other times they can surprise you and do just the opposite right? Just try to keep that in mind and have a fun time on your trip~!
Followed. :)

Thanks by the way. Yeah, I'm feeling a bit better for now. I thought my friend was annoyed with me. He called me up drunk so he was probably a little more relaxed. I was really happy he asked if I wanted to go on a trip since it's been a long time. He also mentioned his birthday which is just about a week after the trip we're going on. Looking forward to it.
 
So yeah I'm kinda going OCD stalker with a girl.

I keep hoping for my Abilify and Luvox to kick in, but is getting harder and harder everyday.
 
So yeah I'm kinda going OCD stalker with a girl.

I keep hoping for my Abilify and Luvox to kick in, but is getting harder and harder everyday.

I'm either too enthused with a woman or not at all. It's awful and I just noticed it.

I wrote a short story for Neogaf's writing challenge. I'd like it very much if you guys looked at it and critiqued it. Please don't misunderstand me, I'm not looking for votes, I just want opinions.

http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showthread.php?t=611011&page=2
 
You too man. Or a Saturday for that matter :p

Whaddidya think? Were you a Del Toro fan beforehand?

Saw it opening day :/

Oh, I loved the shit out of it. I wasn't much of a Del Toro fan, but I went in being the massive Godzilla/Kaiju fan that I am and absolutely dug it. I guess I'm a Del Toro fan now though lol. Loved this and Pan's Labyrinth, was always lukewarm on Hellboy though.
 
My mom is sheltering a guru for 2 months, when it was supposed to be only 2 weeks, not months....Whenever this happens I'm pretty much "thrown in a closet" so to speak and I stay out of the way and I'm treated like a menace in my own house...Even if I have a car, there's no where to go and I can't even go far but to my town which even then there's nothing to do. I guess it's not even my house I guess. It's still my parent's and I'm just someone "renting" a room, even though I'm dependent on them right now....bleh... And all this guy does is keep shouting at people, commanding, and yelling at others without any respect. He doesn't even need to be at our house, he's just leeching off of us because he mismanaged his own finances...Yes throw mentally insane daughter in a room and lock her up there...Whatever, not like they cared any longer and they just not even care to give me the health care info so I can find a damn psychologist or psychiatrist. I fucking had it.
I already deal enough dealing with my parents being disappointed in me...I guess now they just stop caring that I even exist...Bleh I know I shouldn't care about this...Fuck why did I have to care about my parent's affection....
Fuck, I never had a chance with anything in life anyways.
Fuck this. I don't even know what I want in life anymore...
I want to be done and over with...
 
Oomi, what exactly is the guru you are referring to on your post? And it saddens me that you feel that way. I wish there was something I could do to cheer you up a bit.
 
Oomi, what exactly is the guru you are referring to on your post? And it saddens me that you feel that way. I wish there was something I could do to cheer you up a bit.

He's an old guy of a Hindu sect (I really don't agree with any of his ideals ever since a young age) that practices a form of HInduism. In his younger years, he used to preach out of his own dime, travel across the country, and relied mostly on donations. But lately, he fucked up his personal life, he got a divorce, blew his donations on some shit, "broke" (he technically has enough money to live on his own but hey, why not leech off some people that are already struggling), and now essentially anyone that he encounters, he yells at them, tries to be a smart ass, commands, etc. I don't have any pity on him since he was at fault in his own personal life. He had opportunities to turn it around. I keep hearing of his daily stupid shit for the past 8 years. But my mom just glorifies the guy, trying to personify him as her dearly departed father, who actually died a bit too early on. My mom has her own reasons but that doesn't mean she shelters a homeless guy and then throws her family under a wheel....bleh I'm just being a whiny bitch i guess.
 
Ugh, woke up today and depression from my failed relationship hit me like a ton of bricks again. I was feeling pretty good about it all week, and had fun in irc/mumble with depgaf last night, but I guess waking up in the morning, she is the first thing I think about it. Probably dont have mental blocks setup to deal with it until I wake up and start doing stuff.

Hopefully I'll be feeling better as the day goes on
 
I am upset.

I don't understand why I have these thoughts that aren't my own. I did nothing wrong. I wish I could jab a fork up my nose and scratch away these thoughts from my brain. I just feel so fucking stupid.
You're not stupid Mike. C'mon, Steam sales are up, try thinking about that instead!
 
Hey GAF!

jWyAC0g.jpg

I've made my reluctant return from Maine (and a brief stop on Cape Cod). I'll have a flickr up at some point - not that most of what happens on a sleepy island is necessarily of much interest, but it is amazingly beautiful (and I must have 500 photos of my son having the time of his life. I swear, I don't think any 3 year old has ever had a more fun vacation! He went all-out, all day, every day, and promptly passed out 5 minutes after hitting his bed.


True to my word, I mailed 14 letters from Maine. Let me know if and when they arrive in Sweden, New Zealand, Toronto, Washington, Manitoba, Miami, Seattle, South Carolina, The Netherlands, Indiana, California, Toronto (again), Madison, and I'll see if my secret love letter reaches my wife back here at home (it may seem silly, but she finds it crazy romantic!). I was shocked to learn that a standard international letter, whether to Canada or New Zealand, is a flat $1.50! No wonder the post office is in financial straights, but man, what a bargain! I included envelope art and everything! I'm hoping more people take my up on my offer to be penpals in the future - assuming your postage is as cheap as it is here!

I did not entirely hold to my two weeks of radio silence. I unexpectedly got a good cell signal from the front porch of our cottage in Maine, so I kept reading the thread and I popped into chat to make sure everyone was in a suitable state of mourning over my absence.

The simple truth is, and I hope you know this, that I'm very fond of all of you and many of you have become dear, dear friends to me. Getting texts from Fiction or Agent Cooper while standing on the boat landing waiting to be picked up put a huge smile on my face. I wish I could take you guys to the island and share my favorite place in the world with you!


The meds continue to be rough - I slept more than I'd like to, but it was restful sleep for once - the kind that has come some rarely these past few years. And it turns out the dietary restrictions I was following so religiously can be relaxed quite a bit. Avocado and red wine - things to be eaten "with caution" did diddly-squat to me, so life was even better than expected (I do miss cold beer, tho. I'll try one at some point, but they're pretty high on the no-no list).

I continue to feel good - more like my old self, if just a tad disconnected from people (hard to explain). I feel relaxed, calm, hopeful, and thankful for what I have. Man, I had the best time just being a dad.


I certainly missed you all - for real! You guys have become a big part of my life, and I owe much of my ongoing recovery to your constant support and encouragement. I can't wait to hear what you've been up to! AS such, I'd love to have a little party in chat tonight, starting around 8 or 9 CST, and probably going late, as per usual. I had fun listening to you guys on mumble last night, even if you couldn't hear me!

I'm not sure what any of this has to do with mental health, aside from finding ways to appreciate life's quieter, more modest moments. I think of my son chucking rocks in to the ocean for hours, just happy as can be, and I realize how much simple pleasure there is to be had in this world, corny as that sounds. I spend so much time in my own head, ruminating and dwelling and pretending to think grown-up thoughts, that I forget what an incredible pleasure a simple walk can be, writing a letter to a dear friend, or even sending a simple text saying, "hey! thinking of you! I know you're having a rough go of it- what can I do to help?"


I could not ask for better family or better friends - with so many coming from this little community. We're united through these illnesses and they're awful and I hate seeing such incredible people suffer so much. But, we've found each other, and I know how many of you would be there for me if I needed it (because you have been and are there for me!) and I feel the same way about all of you.

I return from my vacation with a new sense of purpose - both personal and towards this community I've come to love so much.


Take care of yourselves, write me, don't ever think you're abusing our friendship by asking for my help - I know you'd do the the same for me! And come join me and the usual gang (I hope!) in chat tonight (click the button in the OP!). I missed you guys!

-Sappy Bagels

P.S. An interesting bit of history:
August 14, 1945 - 7:00 PM
The Second World War Ends
Here at the cottage were...

 
Wow, bagels, beautiful pics. That's awesome. Seeing that makes me hope my boyfriend gets posted on the east coast (north of Maine, shares a border with it if I'm remembering my geography right). I'd love to live near the ocean sometime. Moving back to the province our families are from (but up north) is a good option too.

We've both been really busy and stress has been getting to me. We've had quite a few bad, verbal spars lately that have been bothering me and taking a lot out of me. I got so mad at him the other day I snarked that "I hope you don't want kids because you couldn't handle them."

I have an anger/temper problem in my personal life sometimes. I'm almost always fine at work, and even school if I'm getting enough sleep, but stress has been acting up my stomach and extreme temper lately. I feel really bad/guilty about my outbursts so I try to think about positive things for the future to keep my chin up, I guess. :(
 
That second picture looks so peaceful.

Reminds me that I can't wait to go on my Tonopah trip on Monday!
 
The first time in six months, I actually made myself somewhat vulnerable last night.

It was... good, to say the least. I am feeling a little concerned today, though, but that will be taken care of shortly.
 
. Well.. try to think of it as at least it's not THAT one.
And maybe it's just an allergic reaction or a rash or something?
I am sure it will work out and you'll be able to get it treated well enough. Best of luck. Hopefully is something inconsequential and you can be on with your life soon!

Thanks for the good wishes.
 
You guys... <3
And <23 for you Fiction

Thanks for the comments last night, you are all wonderful.
 
Why is so hard for people to see me as a normal guy. I feel like people IRL are "afraid" of my wheelchair :/

I could see people maybe being afraid to offend you or something? I have no idea :( I don't know what it's like. My grandpa was in a wheelchair for 50 some years and the man could outwork me as a teen. Nobody treated him as any different until his age started catching up to him.
 
Come join us in chat, and we can even direct you to the mumble server!*


*People in wheelchairs may not be welcome at all hours.
 
That post of Bags made me happy. I'm so glad that you enjoyed your trip man, and you sending letters and all is awesome.

What can I say, you're one cool dude :)
 
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