That post of Bags made me happy. I'm so glad that you enjoyed your trip man, and you sending letters and all is awesome.
What can I say, you're one cool dude
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Mental Health |OT| Depression & Co.
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Is this in regards to people that you know or people that you don't know?
Darkmakaimura
Can You Imagine What SureAI Is Going To Do With Garfield?
So, I'm looking through the pics of GAFfers. Nobody there fits that geek-in-the-basement stereotype at all. I'm envious. You're all attractive! And Pau and Devolution so pretty although I have yet to see other girls from GAFs pics yet but you two must be beating guys with a stick. I wish I was decent looking enough to post a pic up of myself but alas, I am not.
Darkmakaimura
Can You Imagine What SureAI Is Going To Do With Garfield?
I know that feeling. lol.
Kind of a shitty mood. I was supposed to be over my friend's place right now but he texts me at 1am telling me that we're leaving for Tonopah at 3pm on Monday instead of Monday morning. I was supposed to hang out and then crash at his place tonight but now I'm stuck at home until tomorrow and I made plans around going out today. Thing is too, it's a four hour drive to Tonopah from Vegas so when we do get there, we're not going to be able to do that much. Not gonna lie but I'm kinda irked about all this.
Damn. Sorry to hear. =/
I spent time with a couple of friends this weekend, and things happen, and I opened myself up. I didn't get hurt by any means, but given my personality, being in such an emotional vulnerable situation has caused me to get attached to them both a little bit in a short time. Now I miss them. =/ This always happens when sex is involved.
Darkmakaimura
Can You Imagine What SureAI Is Going To Do With Garfield?
Again, know that feel too.
I've had friends I've become attracted to. It sucks and I kind of made it a rule that in "RL" I really should stop making female friends as a result. :\
Sexually, I repulse women.
I've already come to the harsh conclusion that I'm going to die alone.
I didn't think this would happen, actually since I have shut down a lot of my inner feelings about things lately, but yep. It isn't making me depressed, just a little down. Kinda wondering when I'll see them again. Typical things that go through a man's mind when it comes to matters of the heart, I guess. Even though I know this will not lead into anything other than just a fling.
Edit: I have this thing about attracting couples. Granted, I've known one of the guys nearly all my life, but yeah.
Welcome, don't feel like you need to apologize for posting your grievances in here. There are some great, understanding people in here.
I can relate to your situation a little, I'm 23 living at home with my mother. Not where I want to be remotely in life and I'm pretty much struggling with Major Depression on a day to day basis. My self-efficacy is rock bottom, I don't think much of myself, some days I feel like a waste of space, a useless bag of meat. I go through shame and guilt spirals which pretty much make me feel lower than shit sometimes. You're not alone, there are many people struggling with similar issues and I find keeping that in perspective helps.
One thing I can't relate to is your dream, I don't really have a long term goal beyond trying to stay alive, but if I did have such a dream, like your art, well I'd never let it go. The fact that you enjoy it and find pleasure in it is a very good thing! I would keep working on it, at your own pace. I can understand your frustration with finding that motivation to even do your art in the first place, that pretty much comes with depression and has affected me with all of my interests. Some days I truly don't feel like doing anything, I have to force myself to play a damn video game like it was a chore! But this sounds like something you truly want, something that brings you happiness. So keep doing it!
I'm glad today is one of your better days, it's actually one of mine too. I understand what it's like to fall into a spiral of despair, many days it feels like I'm teetering on that very precipice, today luckily is not one of those days. Are you undergoing any kind of treatment Lissar? Medication, therapy and the like? Because I would always recommend professional help if you feel like depression is truly impacting your everyday life.
Darkmakaimura
Can You Imagine What SureAI Is Going To Do With Garfield?
Can someone be upfront with me....
With my various postings on GAF - not just the one's in this thread - and everything I've said about myself here and just anywhere, do I come off as being someone who would "ride the short bus"? I beginning to think a lot of my posts and things I say both here and with other people in person just come off as being really dumb. I think I come off as being stupid. Today is one of those days where it really seems to stick out for me and I'm noticing it. I want so much to get myself a thorough checkout psychologically. I don't think I've even ever taken an IQ test but something I'd be willing to do. I'd handle the results regardless of what they were.
Just be honest with me. What very little you see and know of me, do I come off as slow or just outright mentally retarded?
With my various postings on GAF - not just the one's in this thread - and everything I've said about myself here and just anywhere, do I come off as being someone who would "ride the short bus"? I beginning to think a lot of my posts and things I say both here and with other people in person just come off as being really dumb. I think I come off as being stupid. Today is one of those days where it really seems to stick out for me and I'm noticing it. I want so much to get myself a thorough checkout psychologically. I don't think I've even ever taken an IQ test but something I'd be willing to do. I'd handle the results regardless of what they were.
Just be honest with me. What very little you see and know of me, do I come off as slow or just outright mentally retarded?
Thank you. I have wanted to talk to a therapist but it's difficult (especially with my phone anxiety) to actually find one and set up an appointment. I really feel I need to, though, since I desperately want to stop feeling like this. It's only recently that I've really come to terms with needing some help. I've always been the type of person who loves helping others but keeps everything inside. Even in elementary school my teachers' complaints about me were "does not reach out to other students when she needs help". Self-sufficiency is a double edged sword I guess.
Yes, I'm glad I have my dreams. On some days it feels like it's the only thing that keeps me going. When I feel like there is no point to anything anymore I tell myself, "No, you have to finish this comic. Finish drawing this comic and then we'll see." I hope I don't get to the point where even that doesn't matter anymore.
I have seen you quite a bit around GAF, and you seem like an intelligent person. I often feel like I must be some sort of idiot too. But I would be too scared to take a test to find it out, myself.
Yes, I'm glad I have my dreams. On some days it feels like it's the only thing that keeps me going. When I feel like there is no point to anything anymore I tell myself, "No, you have to finish this comic. Finish drawing this comic and then we'll see." I hope I don't get to the point where even that doesn't matter anymore.
I have seen you quite a bit around GAF, and you seem like an intelligent person. I often feel like I must be some sort of idiot too. But I would be too scared to take a test to find it out, myself.
I'll be straight with you, not at all man.
Ah I see, I can definitely relate to your anxieties, so i'm not the only who has hangups talking to people on the phone! I know setting up an appointment with someone new can be uncomfortable, but therapy and medication has improved my condition quite a bit.
I also have a general reluctance or aversion to asking for help, which has affected me very negatively in community college. Hell, if I grabbed an old elementary school card I bet it would totally say, "does not reach out to other student or asks for help". I am a very introverted person in-general and I have a habit of internalizing everything. I'm trying to actively work through these issues with the help of therapy, because my issues have turned into self-sabotage I believe.
You draw comics? Well maybe you should post some in here, got quite a few artists who post stuff. Your art definitely seems important to you and is a very positive driving force I'd say.
I've managed to conquer most of my other social anxieties (Well, to an extent. It's still difficult and like you, I'm quite introverted so I don't have that driving desire to go and spend time with people.) but the phone anxieties stick with me. I think part of the reason is not being able to read people over the phone as well. It leaves me completely clueless as to how to react and makes me panic. And just not being able to hear as well and having to ask two or three times for them to repeat themselves... it makes me feel embarrassed. But you're right, I'm going to have to do something about this. Phone or no.
I've been posting my comic here: http://newedo.com/ (I guess it's okay to post it in here?) It's been really helpful to have a weekly schedule that I must adhere to when making this comic. Keeps me on track. That feeling of one day seeing it complete keeps me going.
Wow so this is your comic, I wish I could draw half as good! I gotta say your concept is quite interesting, "A past in which Japan never opened fully to the west, and retains strict control over its people. A Japan where selling imported goods is illegal in an attempt to maintain cultural purity. These are the stories of the people who live in New Edo." I read what you have up there and now I'm interested in where this is going. If this is the kinda ambition you have, keep it up!
Thank you! It's actually a concept I've been working on since I was 23, but I always told myself I wasn't good enough to do justice to it and I kept waiting until I was "good enough". But the day never came where I felt good enough, so I just told myself to start working on it anyway. I wish I had started seriously working on it earlier, but I guess it's better late than never.
ClassyPenguin
Banned
Gaming has actually lessened my conversation anxiety. That virtual distance (disembodiment?) could be beneficial.
Also, welcome and don't feel silly, that's for like, normal people.
Also, welcome and don't feel silly, that's for like, normal people.
I can't even game with strangers yet. Only with people I know. (I get panicky about people judging my gaming skills since I'm not that good!) Only time I managed to get over that was with Journey.
Well, at least I know you already. Although it's almost more uncomfortable admitting my problems to people I know than to complete strangers. I've gotten so good at putting on a positive face.
Not me. I wish, though.
I really like your art style!
And with regards to your phone anxiety, I always felt the exact same way. I have trouble calling and meeting people, and yet to get help for this I had to... call and meet someone. It was incredibly scary and I still feel that there should be another way to get an appointment for things like this. I am eternally grateful for my family supporting me to actually get help though, because it is working great.
I do hope you can get the help you deserve. If you have any questions about the process or anything at all, feel free to PM me.
Sometimes, my mind thinks back to when I was hospitalized when I was younger for an illness. I remember being told if I had been left without treatment for much longer, I could have died. Tonight is one of those nights that make me ponder if nature should of took its course, and I should of been left to die. I have nothing of benefit to offer in return for all the resources I've accumulated over my life, even someone reading this will be wasting their time. No skill, talent, wisdom, personality, nothing. How I even handle things socially is a fucking joke, so even the basics are lost on me. I wish I didn't have to go on anymore and burden others further. I hope this sleep is the last, but I doubt it will be.
No love, you aren't silly, and you definitely aren't an intruder at all. <3
It's made me so happy to see you updating your comic regularly and I truly believe your art is worth making!
Have you ever considered trying to do commissions on tumblr or something like fiverr? It wouldn't make a lot of money but it might help you realize: "Hey people like my stuff and are willing to pay for it!" Hell, I'd definitely pay you to draw all the things for me.
As for the anxiety around getting a therapist appointment, would someone you're close to be willing to call for you? I've had to do that in really bad times where I absolutely refused to talk to anyone.
Anyways, I know you'll get through this and know that you have our love and support.
Eh, I have some pretty intense self esteem issues regarding how I look and a year or two ago I would have said the same exact thing you just did. (In fact, if you go back to my first post in this thread, I basically say that.) Couple that with depression and wham, it's so easy to fall into this spiral of thinking you're ugly and won't ever be with anyone.
Thank you!
Yeah, I actually had to call/answer phones at my last job. Everyone kept telling me I would get over it after awhile, but it kind of only felt worse. It's weird when I think about it, since it's such a simple thing. I can get a bit anxious when I have to go up and initiate contact with a stranger face to face, but nothing like the panic that I get when talking on a phone. Maybe if I can find a place that I can contact via e-mail.
And I'll keep that in mind, thanks!
No love, you aren't silly, and you definitely aren't an intruder at all. <3
It's made me so happy to see you updating your comic regularly and I truly believe your art is worth making!
Have you ever considered trying to do commissions on tumblr or something like fiverr? It wouldn't make a lot of money but it might help you realize: "Hey people like my stuff and are willing to pay for it!" Hell, I'd definitely pay you to draw all the things for me.
As for the anxiety around getting a therapist appointment, would someone you're close to be willing to call for you? I've had to do that in really bad times where I absolutely refused to talk to anyone.
Anyways, I know you'll get through this and know that you have our love and support.
Eh, I have some pretty intense self esteem issues regarding how I look and a year or two ago I would have said the same exact thing you just did. (In fact, if you go back to my first post in this thread, I basically say that.) Couple that with depression and wham, it's so easy to fall into this spiral of thinking you're ugly and won't ever be with anyone.
I knew I was being silly about it, especially since you're such a good friend I knew you would be supportive. It just... feels so embarrassing, you know? Especially when it comes to talking to people I'm friends with. I'm pretty sure I told you about the friend I had that would always tell me her problems but didn't want to listen to mine. So, after that it became quite difficult to confide in friends even though I know mentally that you guys wouldn't behave that way. And I guess I've just always been bad at that from the start.
I would like to do commissions, it's just difficult trying to put myself out there and promote my work. I don't even know where to start with that really. How to get people to look at my work and then pay me to do more work. I guess it's the first step that's the hardest.
Also, I know where you're coming from about looks. Some days I'm okay (I used to have NO okay days, but it has gotten better!) but other days I can't even stand to look at myself in the mirror. I know it's just that low self-esteem whispering awful things in my ears, but sometimes it gets so difficult to ignore.
Of course, I'll always be around to tell you how beautiful you are. <3
I wish I could do this. It's always the other way around, though. Fuck being ugly. Every time I go out and see all the couples and happy people and shit it makes me feel worse. Dumb since I'm only 18, but fuck it, I just want someone who *gets* me, you know? Too bad I'm hideous and no one in their right mind would ever like me. I know I'll die alone.
User 100115
Banned
Hey, please never feel like you can't post here. It's what this thread is for after all! Rant away, it's amazing how much just venting helps people sometimes. Even if we don't have advice, we have a shoulder to lean on and an ear to listen.
Also, there are usually people in the chat if you are feeling down and need to rant a bit. You can even come in anon and such.
For the phone anxiety: Are you me? I struggle constantly with it, and I am in general a friendly person who enjoys hanging out with folk, but the damned phone...I always worry, even with freakin' strangers, that I will be bothering them. It's insane.
Thank you. I'll think about going into chat sometime, though it might take awhile to get used to it (took me ages to get used to the idea of hanging out in RealGAF chat!)
I really wonder how common phone anxiety is! A lot of people I know have it. My mother had it for a long time, but she said eventually she got used to it. I feel like a crazy person sometimes because I insist on using e-mail for everything. I actually do volunteer work as a classroom assistant at the local community college, so I've mostly gotten over my anxiety of talking with people face to face, but when people from the program want to contact me I still insist on using e-mail over anything else!
Honestly? Hmmmm....
This is one of the most intelligent posts in this thread. That's not an exaggeration. Your spelling and grammer is also of a good standard. You seem to be insecure, not very confident and not have good self-esteem, obviously mental health issues may be at work there.
Yes absolutely come into chat, even if just anonymously. There are really great people there, and although it has its quiet times, is also very active but not enough to be overwhelming. I am in there quite a lot... maybe more than I should be, heh.
what up DepressionGaf, ive broken out of my cage at PonyGaf to tell you my tales.
if this doesnt get any attention, thats fine, but im putting it out there anyway.
my life is not important. im young but ive come to be some mix of Atheist and Nihilist, i just dont see the point to life, it really holds no intrinsic value to me.
most humans are brain dead, and i find them annoying. i also dont care for being human, the daily tedium of our species is just a massive hassle for me.
the line between my depression and my personality is blurred, what is my own thoughts really, my own personality. if its ruled by depression, it means my thoughts are the outcome of an illness, so are my thoughts valid, or invalid because im speaking from an uncontrollable altered state of mind. but, that state of mind is me, so if i 'fix' my depression, im changing a core part of my mind, so am i really even myself anymore, am i my illness, or is my illness me?
ive been depressed/sad/filledwithangst since like, 8th grade.
im a high school drop out, im a college drop out.
im 22 and a half. im 6 foot 1 and weigh around 400 pounds.
i live at home. i do not have a job, a girlfriend or any friends at all.
the internet is my life.
i am in therapy, and im gonna start depression medication tomorrow, so, we will see what happens.
the world is shit, and i do not belong here.
i have dreams, huge massive dreams, to be something better.
i have social anxiety, i am filled with doubt, fear and self hatred.
i am a vortex of self destruction.
i dont know what to do, and i dont really care.
most of the time i wish i was dead, or i was strong enough to commit suicide.
go see Pacific Rim, for 2 hours i was actually happy.
i have invaded your circle, i am used to attacks, arguments and rejection so say whatever you want, im prepared to deal with it.
i am Xzeon, and this is my pathetic life.
if this doesnt get any attention, thats fine, but im putting it out there anyway.
my life is not important. im young but ive come to be some mix of Atheist and Nihilist, i just dont see the point to life, it really holds no intrinsic value to me.
most humans are brain dead, and i find them annoying. i also dont care for being human, the daily tedium of our species is just a massive hassle for me.
the line between my depression and my personality is blurred, what is my own thoughts really, my own personality. if its ruled by depression, it means my thoughts are the outcome of an illness, so are my thoughts valid, or invalid because im speaking from an uncontrollable altered state of mind. but, that state of mind is me, so if i 'fix' my depression, im changing a core part of my mind, so am i really even myself anymore, am i my illness, or is my illness me?
ive been depressed/sad/filledwithangst since like, 8th grade.
im a high school drop out, im a college drop out.
im 22 and a half. im 6 foot 1 and weigh around 400 pounds.
i live at home. i do not have a job, a girlfriend or any friends at all.
the internet is my life.
i am in therapy, and im gonna start depression medication tomorrow, so, we will see what happens.
the world is shit, and i do not belong here.
i have dreams, huge massive dreams, to be something better.
i have social anxiety, i am filled with doubt, fear and self hatred.
i am a vortex of self destruction.
i dont know what to do, and i dont really care.
most of the time i wish i was dead, or i was strong enough to commit suicide.
go see Pacific Rim, for 2 hours i was actually happy.
i have invaded your circle, i am used to attacks, arguments and rejection so say whatever you want, im prepared to deal with it.
i am Xzeon, and this is my pathetic life.
Collete
Member
*sigh* I should help people...But I can't even help myself.
Don't even know what I want anymore.
Also on another note, for people like me who can't do anything, or getting any sort of therapy, try to think of 5 things you want to improve on rather than trying to think of what makes you good.
I don't know what it might do, but it's a start to get something done with yourself. If it's any condolences, I'm having trouble with those 5 things I want to improve on, but it's something I feel I can do though.
Don't even know what I want anymore.
Also on another note, for people like me who can't do anything, or getting any sort of therapy, try to think of 5 things you want to improve on rather than trying to think of what makes you good.
I don't know what it might do, but it's a start to get something done with yourself. If it's any condolences, I'm having trouble with those 5 things I want to improve on, but it's something I feel I can do though.
Lionheart1827
Member
You can definitely find things to improve on, everyone can(even me)! I and the rest of depGaf have faith in you.
Just keep pushin Oomi!
Collete
Member
You can definitely find things to improve on, everyone can(even me)! I and the rest of depGaf have faith in you.
Just keep pushin Oomi!
Don't put too much faith in me...It might be a bad idea...Really bad idea.
I just want to die...
I believe in you Oomikami!
Kylie does too. Here look..
Good Morning World. It's a beautiful beautiful day out.
Ps. One of these days, I am going to learn all the names of all the trees around my area. Starting with the one right outside my bedroom window.
Kylie does too. Here look..
Good Morning World. It's a beautiful beautiful day out.
Ps. One of these days, I am going to learn all the names of all the trees around my area. Starting with the one right outside my bedroom window.
Its not a bad idea to have faith in you sweetie.
you certainly informed me of some damned delicious looking indian food I now want to try!
Prax
Member
I reblogged this on my tumblr under the tag of "inspiration", so maybe yo guys will feel this is inspiring too:
Thoughts on Being Yourself - Jenna Marbles
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=6xx_pwu7n-Y
I really liked it. She talks funny, and she's intelligent and I think her ideas are legit and heartfelt and it was wonderful to hear.
A lot of people may be afraid to offend you because they don't really know what the etiquette, and some may even be afraid of inadvertently hurting you or breaking your equipment because they don't know what they are doing.
Try not to take it personally. People have their hangups, and for better or worse, you might have to be the one to teach them and give them exposure to these things so they can learn better. I know that can get annoying (I am not thrilled with teaching people, anyway! lol), but I hope the people in your life at least try to be considerate!
Well, I think it's natural to feel attached when you start opening yourself up again. Just try to ride the waves of emotional confusion and take it for what it is. At least it lets you know that you can still feel this way and that you are indeed human.
And yeah, I know you don't want to feel all these emotions sometimes, but try to revel in the good parts and ride out the bad parts.
Ahaha.. well, I am kind of very self-conscious about how I look too, but pictures of me do exist out there on the interwebs!
You're probably too hard on yourself about your looks. Most of us are.
Though luckily I can still look in the mirror and think to myself sometimes that I am really attractive at the right angle, but a photograph usually tells me different. xD I would like to think though.. that it's the camera that is the liar and my beholder eye is telling the truth to my brain. ~_~
I think most people are scared that they come off as really stupid.. like they will "out" themseves as deficient in the intelligence area if they say the wrong thing or make a little mistake.
I know I feel like that all the time. Evey time I make a typos (which is like.. ALL THE TIME~~~), I feel a little stupider and feel like a lose a little more credibility. ESPECIALLY if I don't catch it and someone quotes me and ughhh.. awful!
But I think a lot of that just has to do with self-confidence/insecurity stuff.
Also, it's okay to come off as stupid sometimes. It just shows that you are human. lol You probably witness your friends and people you idolize as being stupid sometimes and you let it slide because those slip-ups moments don't define their whole person or it's actually funny and endearing! So I hope you do feel okay sometimes in just being stupid too! Even though usually, you seem to be pretty insightful or intelligent!
You don't have to feel silly about posting your woes. Life can be hard and full of disappointment and uncertainty. I think I know how you feel! Especially when it comes to all the school stuff and then the deep passion about art but not knowing if you have the skill or confidence to even do what you want!
Even the phone thing. I have social anxiety issues. And I too hate phones and do prefer email over other forms of communication with strangers. And this also has led to a mode of self-sufficiency where I don't like to ask for help, so that when I really needed it, I just put it off until it was too late to fix things. This also made going to a counsellor or a psychiatrist for the first time all sorts of weird.
But despite that, there are things you want to do. things you want to accomplish and become, so do what you need to! If that means kind of grudgingly somehow setting up an appointment with a therapist, or even having someone else do it for you, do it! And even if you hate the phone, jut set aside one day to give yourself the momentum to do it. You know it can be done. you've done things like it before. It's just hard to get over the anxiety threshold at first. (This reminds me, I have to phone to cancel some useless subscription in the morning. bwaah)
It's so awesome you actually have your comic going and on a schedule too~! *__* I am so envious. I have been stuck forever in the planning stages of trying to do my own thing, so.. Just know that you are already ahead of the game by at least getting your ideas down and out there! It's inspiring and I really.. gotta.. this year.. SOMETHING for my own stuff too.
(I will be continuing to check for updates on your pages! And trying to fanpair characters together probably. lol)
Well, nightmares or creepy dreams are kind of fun sometimes. I always look back on them a little fondly, especially if they are just horror movie type and not emotional trauma types.
But also remind yourself that you are where you are now, and whatever things could have happened in the past and did or didn't, you have the opportunity in the present to decide the next branches. And you don't have to make big majestic decisions. You can make small ones. And still be proud of them.
Work with where you are and what you have, which is your current capacity to think and do, and the time of every new day. Even if you have to learn or relearn the basics. It's okay. Deciding to be kinder to yourself, to give yourself a chance and work on a skill, or work on getting to a point where you feel stable and able to build on yourself. That's good too.
You have people in your life that want to support you and also here to cheer you on, and you can take your time.
I think I kind of understand where you're coming from. Way back once upon a time, I was quite a misanthrope too (disliking humans as a species and all that lol), but I have since mellowed and have accepted my place as one of the representatives of humanity, and also the particular coolness of other humans, and can try to establish a better image of the human species with my own little contributions.
I understand where you might have concerns about which of your thoughts might be valid or not and have a kind of existential crisis over who you really are, but I think it's better to think of yourself as not one static personality or force. People change and grow all the time, and they are still who they are. You are constantly in the process of becoming who you are, so whether or not you have depression as part of your life and your thoughts, you are still you. And it kind of means you can decide who you want to be.
I hope your therapy and medication do work out well for you. It might not be instant or even perfect on the first try, but don't give up. Remember that you're still in the process of becoming who you are. All the time. Focus on what makes you happy and gives you motivation (even if it's MLP and Pacific Rim~), do the little things that can help you build yourself in the direction you want to go.
Hope you continue to hang around the thread. Don't worry about having to defend yourself too much here. We're a pretty supportive bunch!
I think you help a lot with your gentle supportive aura. Even if you feel like you're not being helpful or you're just having a miserable day and want to fade away, whenever you do have a good things happen to you or you put in effort to help (like now), or just contribute in a small way (like with art!), it lifts people's spirits and inspires hope.
Even if it's a small thing. It's the small things that eventually add up into something great.
Thoughts on Being Yourself - Jenna Marbles
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=6xx_pwu7n-Y
I really liked it. She talks funny, and she's intelligent and I think her ideas are legit and heartfelt and it was wonderful to hear.
I think people are uncomfortable in general about anything that is too different from them.
A lot of people may be afraid to offend you because they don't really know what the etiquette, and some may even be afraid of inadvertently hurting you or breaking your equipment because they don't know what they are doing.
Try not to take it personally. People have their hangups, and for better or worse, you might have to be the one to teach them and give them exposure to these things so they can learn better. I know that can get annoying (I am not thrilled with teaching people, anyway! lol), but I hope the people in your life at least try to be considerate!
Woaahh... That actually sounds like you had exciting sexy times!
Well, I think it's natural to feel attached when you start opening yourself up again. Just try to ride the waves of emotional confusion and take it for what it is. At least it lets you know that you can still feel this way and that you are indeed human.
And yeah, I know you don't want to feel all these emotions sometimes, but try to revel in the good parts and ride out the bad parts.
Ahaha.. well, I am kind of very self-conscious about how I look too, but pictures of me do exist out there on the interwebs!
You're probably too hard on yourself about your looks. Most of us are.
Though luckily I can still look in the mirror and think to myself sometimes that I am really attractive at the right angle, but a photograph usually tells me different. xD I would like to think though.. that it's the camera that is the liar and my beholder eye is telling the truth to my brain. ~_~
i think if anything, you come across as above average intelligence.
I think most people are scared that they come off as really stupid.. like they will "out" themseves as deficient in the intelligence area if they say the wrong thing or make a little mistake.
I know I feel like that all the time. Evey time I make a typos (which is like.. ALL THE TIME~~~), I feel a little stupider and feel like a lose a little more credibility. ESPECIALLY if I don't catch it and someone quotes me and ughhh.. awful!
But I think a lot of that just has to do with self-confidence/insecurity stuff.
Also, it's okay to come off as stupid sometimes. It just shows that you are human. lol You probably witness your friends and people you idolize as being stupid sometimes and you let it slide because those slip-ups moments don't define their whole person or it's actually funny and endearing! So I hope you do feel okay sometimes in just being stupid too! Even though usually, you seem to be pretty insightful or intelligent!
Wah.. I am kind of glad Daingurse caught your post and that you decided to post at all!
You don't have to feel silly about posting your woes. Life can be hard and full of disappointment and uncertainty. I think I know how you feel! Especially when it comes to all the school stuff and then the deep passion about art but not knowing if you have the skill or confidence to even do what you want!
Even the phone thing. I have social anxiety issues. And I too hate phones and do prefer email over other forms of communication with strangers. And this also has led to a mode of self-sufficiency where I don't like to ask for help, so that when I really needed it, I just put it off until it was too late to fix things. This also made going to a counsellor or a psychiatrist for the first time all sorts of weird.
But despite that, there are things you want to do. things you want to accomplish and become, so do what you need to! If that means kind of grudgingly somehow setting up an appointment with a therapist, or even having someone else do it for you, do it! And even if you hate the phone, jut set aside one day to give yourself the momentum to do it. You know it can be done. you've done things like it before. It's just hard to get over the anxiety threshold at first. (This reminds me, I have to phone to cancel some useless subscription in the morning. bwaah)
It's so awesome you actually have your comic going and on a schedule too~! *__* I am so envious. I have been stuck forever in the planning stages of trying to do my own thing, so.. Just know that you are already ahead of the game by at least getting your ideas down and out there! It's inspiring and I really.. gotta.. this year.. SOMETHING for my own stuff too.
(I will be continuing to check for updates on your pages! And trying to fanpair characters together probably. lol)
Do you dreamed you were like.. pacman? q__q
Well, nightmares or creepy dreams are kind of fun sometimes. I always look back on them a little fondly, especially if they are just horror movie type and not emotional trauma types.
Thinking back on those what ifs is always kind of tempting. There are probably an infinite number of possibilities from every intersection of life that could have made things turn out differently or a little bit better or a little bit worse. I think it's okay to have your mind drift to those things sometimes and just.. indulge yourself.
But also remind yourself that you are where you are now, and whatever things could have happened in the past and did or didn't, you have the opportunity in the present to decide the next branches. And you don't have to make big majestic decisions. You can make small ones. And still be proud of them.
Work with where you are and what you have, which is your current capacity to think and do, and the time of every new day. Even if you have to learn or relearn the basics. It's okay. Deciding to be kinder to yourself, to give yourself a chance and work on a skill, or work on getting to a point where you feel stable and able to build on yourself. That's good too.
You have people in your life that want to support you and also here to cheer you on, and you can take your time.
Try not to condemn yourself so readily! And there's no harm in trying to prove yourself wrong in this matter. Like you say, you're still young. And that means you still have opportunities. Whether it's to grow into your appearance or change it somehow or just feel better about it and exude attractive confidence or even.. out-of-nowhere-someone-hits-on-you-anyway! Who knows! Just give yourself the chance to let those things happen and work on yourself a little bit each day (or maybe once a week if you are lazy like me).
Hello! And welcome to the thread!
I think I kind of understand where you're coming from. Way back once upon a time, I was quite a misanthrope too (disliking humans as a species and all that lol), but I have since mellowed and have accepted my place as one of the representatives of humanity, and also the particular coolness of other humans, and can try to establish a better image of the human species with my own little contributions.
I understand where you might have concerns about which of your thoughts might be valid or not and have a kind of existential crisis over who you really are, but I think it's better to think of yourself as not one static personality or force. People change and grow all the time, and they are still who they are. You are constantly in the process of becoming who you are, so whether or not you have depression as part of your life and your thoughts, you are still you. And it kind of means you can decide who you want to be.
I hope your therapy and medication do work out well for you. It might not be instant or even perfect on the first try, but don't give up. Remember that you're still in the process of becoming who you are. All the time. Focus on what makes you happy and gives you motivation (even if it's MLP and Pacific Rim~), do the little things that can help you build yourself in the direction you want to go.
Hope you continue to hang around the thread. Don't worry about having to defend yourself too much here. We're a pretty supportive bunch!
Oomi, I think that's a pretty helpful tip for people who get stuck on that exercise!
I think you help a lot with your gentle supportive aura. Even if you feel like you're not being helpful or you're just having a miserable day and want to fade away, whenever you do have a good things happen to you or you put in effort to help (like now), or just contribute in a small way (like with art!), it lifts people's spirits and inspires hope.
Even if it's a small thing. It's the small things that eventually add up into something great.
Thank you! I'm glad I posted now, too. It's made me feel quite positive tonight (I find night time is worse than the day. When I'm just alone with my thoughts. Does anyone else feel like that?) While my low self-esteem and anxiety has always been something I was aware of, I never allowed myself to realize I have depression until it started to get worse. It's hard to admit that to yourself, never mind talk to other people about it.
It was hard work getting myself to the point where I threw caution to the wind and started my comic! A big reason I finally decided I had to was my impending 30th birthday. I started to think about how, after a certain point, I had just let go of that dream. And even though I guess by some standards I actually did accomplish a lot in my 20s, I wasn't really anywhere close to my ideal career. The thought that I allowed my low self-esteem and anxiety to rule over me so long and drive that dream out of me is sort of crushing, but at least now that I recognize these things as a fixable problem I can finally get through this (I'm in quite a positive mood tonight! This is a bit unusual.)
I am also working on a few game projects (one of which is actually related to the comic) off and on, but the comic is my main drive right now. I am putting most of my drawing/research time into it.
I really hope you'll start on your own project. I know how it is to never get these things off the ground. But it's been liberating for me and something to hold on to.
Seriously how do some of you not get how intelligent you are? how do you believe that you are not talented? Especially Lissar. Woman, you drew your own avatar, didn't you?
@advice. Heard something cool the other day. Be the person you want to be. And if it's good, and healthy, stick with it.
@advice. Heard something cool the other day. Be the person you want to be. And if it's good, and healthy, stick with it.
Part of me knows I can do these things. Actually, I SHOULD say that I DO know it. And on my good days, I believe in it too. But low self-esteem is like some other person who is inside my head, who whispers to me about how terrible I am at everything. A person who knows all about me, all of my secrets. I can tell this person is not me, because I would never even think such things about another person. But, it's there with me all the same.
Maybe I need an exorcism.
Exorcism is for suckers. I say make peace with your devils. Being self critical is not entirely a bad thing. You just need to know when it's being objective, and helpful, and for lack of better words and phrases, intelligent, and productive.
Constantly belittling your self is no good. Nor is bigging your self up. Unfortunately, balance doesn't come easy. Especially if one isn't level headed. which you know, in the context of this thread...
we're all drama, drama, drama eh?
ps. You could trying telling your self: Ashes thinks I'm smart. That's gotta mean something, right?*
*I think.
You sound like me. Really. I think we're the same person. lol
Seriously though, I'm also not where I want to be in life. I sit around a lot convincing myself I'm not good enough and there's no point in trying to improve. I decided last year that I wanted to become a writer, and while I've managed to put together a few manuscripts here and there, I still don't feel like my writing is anywhere near good enough. I get ideas for stories and pieces from time to time, but I never do anything with most of them. Every time I sit down to write, I start hearing that voice again. You're an awful writer. Why are you trying? You don't know anything about writing? You're not even smart enough to attempt to write? When's the last time you even picked up a book? It's just like drawing; you only say you want to do it cause you're not good at anything else. Just over and over. It ensures I do anything but sit down and actually write. I try telling myself I'm just being lazy and I need to power through it, but that makes me feel worse. lol
I think it's great that you're writing and updating a comic! Seriously, I would love to make comics myself, so I admire anyone with the gumption to actually put in the work and make one of their own. Your's looks really interesting too.
I share your phone anxiety too. I absolute cannot bring myself to call people on the phone unless I absolutely need something. And even then, that's only with people I know. Like, I can't even bring myself to call people to inquire about jobs because I'm so scared of...well, I'm not sure what I'm scared of. But I am scared! lol
I started keeping a daily log on my phone of positive things. Anything I look at as being positive- a food I enjoy, something I did, read, saw, watched, etc. Not sure if it would be helpful at all. For me it's a list of stuff I want to do or have in my life more.
Haha, there's a reason why I never use a photo of mine anywhere. Even on Facebook, my avatar is a digitally edited photo where I deliberately obscured myself, so I can't be seen properly (also because it looked kinda cool against the rising sun in the beach, but the main reason was the former).
I hate everything about the way I look, and more often than not looking at myself in the mirror makes me feel like shit. I'm ashamed of having uploaded a couple of pics to the "Post photos of yourself" thread once. But hey, what can I do about it? It's the way I am, and I can't change that (not without surgery at least, and I'll NEVER do that).
Sorry, had to whine for a little bit. It's just that Mondays really bring me down, having to start the same old routine once again, knowing that it's always going to be like this until the day that I die, always the same :/
Hypereides
Member
Lissar said:
Hello sister from another mister!
You shouldn't feel silly. If this is how you geniunely feel, then you made the right choice. The longer you hold it in, the more it consumes you and defines you. And that could become very unhealthy for you and your surroundings.
Speaking as former artist I know it's a very tough and competitive industry. So I feel your pain. If your truely love art, start looking for short term educations, courses or classes to compliment your skills. If you have those and then some already, don't give up hope and keep searching even harder for an employment position fit to your artistic credentials.
Try exhibiting your art at cafes and such, or even donating your art to such establishments. The art world is about one thing mainly: connections, connections, connections, connections...
Exorcism is for suckers. I say make peace with your devils. Being self critical is not entirely a bad thing. You just need to know when it's being objective, and helpful, and for lack of better words and phrases, intelligent, and productive.
Constantly belittling your self is no good. Nor is bigging your self up. Unfortunately, balance doesn't come easy. Especially if one isn't level headed. which you know, in the context of this thread...
we're all drama, drama, drama eh?
ps. You could trying telling your self: Ashes thinks I'm smart. That's gotta mean something, right?*
*I think.
I concure. Some of your inner demons may become a great driving force if you know how to use them. This is gonna super nerdy but I like consider them as Jojo stands.
There's a saying "a man is not free if he can't control himself" coined by Pythagoras.
If you let your negative thoughts drain you, you won't be able to achieve your potential. Don't let those thoughts suck you in, reverse it, use it instead as a source of power.
I'm writing my 14th(!) letter to a potential depression-GAF penpal. I'm totally cool with people being late in taking me up on the offer! The first letter, sent Friday, had already arrived on Saturday. Most letters went out Saturday morning, so hopefully I'll start hearing from more people as they show up!
I can't promise my letters will change your lives or anything, but I am a dutiful penpal and will do things like use this awesome Lego stationary!
I'm always looking for more penpals!
A related project, launching today, involves a collaborative effort on "Notes for Mental Health." If you want to participate, you'll be on the list to receive one of two (currently) notebooks, small enough to fit in an envelope. Take half a page or a page for artwork, inspirational words, questions for people to answer, kind words for a specific GAFfer - whatever you'd like. Then, you'll mail the notebook along to a new person to read over and add to. It should just be a nice thing to carry with you for a few days, feel connected to the community, and pass along some good vibes. One will start in the US and the other will be off for Europe. Postage between the two should not be bad at all.
PM me if you want to participate, and I'll keep a list. Or, if after receiving a notebook, you have a specific person in mind to send it to, PM them and see if they'll share an address. Please do not use this informatio to murder each other!
I can't promise my letters will change your lives or anything, but I am a dutiful penpal and will do things like use this awesome Lego stationary!
I'm always looking for more penpals!
A related project, launching today, involves a collaborative effort on "Notes for Mental Health." If you want to participate, you'll be on the list to receive one of two (currently) notebooks, small enough to fit in an envelope. Take half a page or a page for artwork, inspirational words, questions for people to answer, kind words for a specific GAFfer - whatever you'd like. Then, you'll mail the notebook along to a new person to read over and add to. It should just be a nice thing to carry with you for a few days, feel connected to the community, and pass along some good vibes. One will start in the US and the other will be off for Europe. Postage between the two should not be bad at all.
PM me if you want to participate, and I'll keep a list. Or, if after receiving a notebook, you have a specific person in mind to send it to, PM them and see if they'll share an address. Please do not use this informatio to murder each other!
A job might be good. Will get your mind off things.
But, what your dead said? Fuck that.
- Status