Mental Health |OT| Depression & Co.

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ATF487 said:
Whoa, I would have never guessed you had any demons from your posts in NHL-Age

dstrdl pls get better :(
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Thanks, I will.

As genuine as I am on NeoGAF, I've got a set of social filters in place that would allow me to never hamper people with my own emotional business. An NHL thread is the least likely place to let something like that out :)
 
Fiction said:
I am really sorry you are feeling so horrible right now. Is there anyway you can distract yourself from it? I find that works best to get me through my lows. Pour all my energy into something that is fairly stupid until the low passes.

If you need to talk, please feel free to PM me or anyone else here, or just rant in thread. It's amazing how much just getting it all out there helps sometimes. Even if we don't have advice, we can at least be a shoulder for a while. Be kind to yourself.
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I appreciate your concern, but there's nothing I can do to alleviate the state of my existence.
 
Been writing a sucide letter in my notebook this past hour. Ugh why am I even alive. I cannot fix my life. I'm screwed up in a shit
body and a horrible brain. Nothing gets better at all
 
neojubei said:
Been writing a sucide letter in my notebook this past hour. Ugh why am I even alive. I cannot fix my life. I'm screwed up in a shit
body and a horrible brain. Nothing gets better at all
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Think long and hard about what suicide means on a pure practical and logical level.

I know that when you are deep in the shit, the concept of life becomes so foreign and pointless, but only on a pure emotional level. If the traditional way of life is "logically" putting you down because of arbitrary goals set by others, try and redefine life for yourself so that you can see the practical reasons for living!

But please don't do it. Life can't really get any better if it ends.
 
Smiley90 said:
Don't let it get to you, buddy. -nods in acknowledgement-

You're one of the good ones. And you're never alone if you need anyone to talk to.

-brofist pls-
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Many computer screen hi-5s, Guy Smiley. Thanks. I've gone this long by not letting the monster in my head get to me, I should be good until I can start Psych.
 
ThisWreckage said:
I appreciate your concern, but there's nothing I can do to alleviate the state of my existence.
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There's always something man, something to try, something else to do. Depression tricks us into thinking there are no options, that everything is horrible and would be better off if we weren't around. But that's the disease talking, not you. We have to fight it every step of the the way, and teach ourselves better coping methods when it starts to inch closer to victory. Are seeing anyone for your depression?
 
Dastardly Jerks said:
I didn't really think this place existed. Maybe I just never noticed.

Anyway, hi.

.
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Hi

It's really good that you got help. It's an important step. I will say try not to be too scared of medication. While there are legitimate concerns, it can also help tremendously. And you may not need to be on it forever.

I was leery too, but I couldn't go on the way I was anymore. While it's not the same as depression, I also saw what medication did for my mom who had schizophrenia. It was scary when she was off her meds. On them, she was at least functional.

Definitely discuss it with your doctor though.
 
humbugs said:
Not relating this to you at all, but it's incredible the lengths people will go to bottle stuff up. I certainly did when I went through some rough times. It's viciously unhealthy and just so common it seems.
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Thank you.

I can understand why people don't though. Mine came from a general anxiety of not wanting to be a negative infringement on people. I didn't want people to not like me, and I know that negativity is not a charming aspect, ergo I wouldn't talk about bad or dark things just to keep on peoples good sides.

But friends will talk to you about things and not care for such things.

I guess as long as you aren't being a drain on their energy.

shadowkat said:
Hi

It's really good that you got help. It's an important step. I will say try not to be too scared of medication. While there are legitimate concerns, it can also help tremendously. And you may not need to be on it forever.

I was leery too, but I couldn't go on the way I was anymore. While it's not the same as depression, I also saw what medication did for my mom who had schizophrenia. It was scary when she was off her meds. On them, she was at least functional.

Definitely discuss it with your doctor though.
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Yeah, I've heard just as many good things as I have heard bad. One of my close friends, who also has depression and is dealing with it FANTASTICALLY (IE: Wouldn't even pick it) has said the world about his meds. While others have mentioned how they make them feel absolutely nothing (and I'm a pretty emotional guy, so not something I want to lose).

I'm seeing the GP on Monday to get results from the blood test, then we'll be deciding on meds then and there.
 
Dastardly Jerks said:
Thank you.

I can understand why people don't though. Mine came from a general anxiety of not wanting to be a negative infringement on people. I didn't want people to not like me, and I know that negativity is not a charming aspect, ergo I wouldn't talk about bad or dark things just to keep on peoples good sides.

But friends will talk to you about things and not care for such things.

I guess as long as you aren't being a drain on their energy.



Yeah, I've heard just as many good things as I have heard bad. One of my close friends, who also has depression and is dealing with it FANTASTICALLY (IE: Wouldn't even pick it) has said the world about his meds. While others have mentioned how they make them feel absolutely nothing (and I'm a pretty emotional guy, so not something I want to lose).

I'm seeing the GP on Monday to get results from the blood test, then we'll be deciding on meds then and there.
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See, for me it wasn't "anxiety from being a negative infringement on people", but more from... well, my sister has a history of depression that my mom struggled with, and after my dad moved out I was the one supposed to be the "rock" in the family, right. I just couldn't consolidate "being the rock" with "admitting I struggle myself", so I just kept it all to myself.

I'm a bit smarter now. Just a bit.

Also, to add to that very subjective debate, my sister has a long and very successful history with meds. It's really on a person-to-person basis, but I feel like it's definitely worth a shot. I mean, you can always stop taking meds if you realize the side-effects are worse than the benefits.
 
Happy birthday to our own jb1234, star of chat and mumble, musician, pianist (*giggle*), lover, fighter, guy who always tries to get me to play Suikoden (working on it...), and all-around stellar human being! Trusted friend, wise counselor, other flattering words.

As a present to jb, I'll go ahead and post this stunning album cover, made by our very own AgentCooper.

396RoPi.png


I don't know why my sexuality needs to be questioned every hour, on the hour, but there you go.

(married to a beautiful woman. I'm just saying.)
 
Fiction said:
There's always something man, something to try, something else to do. Depression tricks us into thinking there are no options, that everything is horrible and would be better off if we weren't around. But that's the disease talking, not you. We have to fight it every step of the the way, and teach ourselves better coping methods when it starts to inch closer to victory. Are seeing anyone for your depression?
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No.
 
Oh man its JBs birthday?

Happy birthday JB1234! Couldnt have picked a better person to talk about the awesomeness of Chrono Trigger and pick apart/analyze music with. Awesome pro musician and all-around great guy! Keep kicking ass!

:brofist:
 
whiterabbit said:
Would you ever consider writing a book?
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I want to. I've been trying to participate in the "Write a novel in November" for the last two years, but have always been swamped by a full-time job, school or something else. I might actually be able to attempt it in earnest this year.

Also, I can personally recommend The Neuromancer and The Road. I read The Road last year as part of my 50 books attempt, and The Neuromancer this year. I buy a lot of books and have so many I've been trying to finish or get to over the years. I'm doing pretty good so far but have slowed my pace lately because of work, course work, and stuff coming up in my personal life.

I need to do a count of how many I've read this year so far.

Also, I find once you get started reading a few books, it becomes much easier to find more. Also, there are a lot of free e-books out there too.


Edit: also, if anyone wants books suggestions, PM me- but please specify if there are genres you prefer or dislike, and if you don't want to read anything depressing (DON'T READ THE ROAD hint hint :3)
 
Bagels said:
Happy birthday to our own jb1234, star of chat and mumble, musician, pianist (*giggle*), lover, fighter, guy who always tries to get me to play Suikoden (working on it...), and all-around stellar human being! Trusted friend, wise counselor, other flattering words.

As a present to jb, I'll go ahead and post this stunning album cover, made by our very own AgentCooper.

396RoPi.png


I don't know why my sexuality needs to be questioned every hour, on the hour, but there you go.

(married to a beautiful woman. I'm just saying.)
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still waiting for my payment on that
 
Happy Birthday JB! I'm going to give you credit for not needing yo do radiation. :)

I had the appointment today. I spent all last night crying for unrelated reasons and it showed. The nurse told me because I looked so young and upset he would assign a social worker to my case if I did end up getting radiation. When they told me radiation would involve at minimum at least seven days of isolation, I started crying and didn't really stop when the doctor said she didn't think radiation was a good idea. I feel like a mess. My mum is angry that I'm being down about a guy when I should be celebrating about the news.

Honestly I'm having a hard time seeing why I should take my medication. I'm being weened off calcium supplements but apparently too fast since my toes started feeling tingly this morning. But I kind of don't care. Oh and I started scratching myself last night again. Can I just stay in bed forever?
 
Dastardly Jerks said:
In regards to sexuality, it doesn't even matter at all anyway :)

Happy birthday!
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I know, right? 95% of what happens in chat is people trying (and succeeding) to rile me up. Thank God my ego is so out of control, or I'd probably end up leaving in a huff (more than I already do).

Our birthday boy is having a rough go of it, so let's let him know how much he's loved and appreciated!
 
Bagels said:
I know, right? 95% of what happens in chat is people trying (and succeeding) to rile me up. Thank God my ego is so out of control, or I'd probably end up leaving in a huff (more than I already do).

Our birthday boy is having a rough go of it, so let's let him know how much he's loved and appreciated!
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Own it. And one up them, if you can, by further insulting yourself :)

One thing I've come to realise recently is that the best thing about depression is self depreciation humour comes easily with it. You can laugh at yourself, or own whatever somebody calls you and it either makes people laugh or takes away power from whoever is trying to have a go at you.
 
The girl just left my place, she talked about staying at my place for the night if my friend felt like going home and playing BF3, but I had to bring out Hot Fuzz; the ultimate movie for staying and skipping BF3.

Well, got a couple of beers in me, listening to the most awesome song. and I feel good about the future, even if it doesn't hold love for me.
 
Darkmakaimura said:
I'm realizing I'm losing weight due to my appetite and lack of sleep. I suppose I'd have a better appetite if I had more appealing food available. The other day I had junk food - Wendy's - and it felt so satisfying. But for me to lose weight is particularly bad considering I'm very skinny as it is. I'm also more irritable than normal and even the smallest things are getting to me. I almost had a nervous breakdown the last couple of days.

I'm also looking into the recent past and analyzing things that happened. All the "friends" I've lost and all the people who I've upset, especially over the last four years or so. And that moment I ask myself why I haven't killed myself yet. Why am I still here? I mean, I'm honestly scared to die but at the same time I don't know what the point of still going on is. There's no purpose to this. I can truly, honestly say I don't know a single person who knows me that would honestly care if I disappeared or if I died. Seriously. I don't.
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This sounds nearly identical to what I was going to come in here and post. I hope things improve for yourself (as well as everyone else who has to fight with these awful mental disorders). Even though it's hard to listen to my own advice, we just have to believe that we all do truly have a purpose here.

I must say, it's nice to see this thread exist and everyone being so honest and sincere about their feelings. I suppose the anonymity of this medium helps a bit, but I still want to believe that this is a positive sign and that maybe just maybe, we as a society are working towards a future where these types of diseases aren't so stigmatized. A future where people aren't afraid to get help, and where people can actually get the true help they deserve.

Stay strong everyone!
 
Fudgepuppy said:
The girl just left my place, she talked about staying at my place for the night if my friend felt like going home and playing BF3, but I had to bring out Hot Fuzz; the ultimate movie for staying and skipping BF3.

Well, got a couple of beers in me, listening to the most awesome song. and I feel good about the future, even if it doesn't hold love for me.
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Do you put much value in love being a part of your being? (IE: As part of a complete nutritious breakfast etc)

I always thought I was one of those 'happy independent' guys who preferred to be by himself and didn't need anyone else to be happy but friends. After a failed relationship a year ago though, I've been feeling different. Like something is now actually missing. This morning I thought to myself "The empty parts of me are now just blank canvas I can work with" until I realised it was just a dumb metaphor.

At this stage though, I shouldn't be with anyone while I'm freshly diagnosed. I don't think my ideal partner deserves a someone that doesn't like themselves.
 
Dastardly Jerks said:
Do you put much value in love being a part of your being? (IE: As part of a complete nutritious breakfast etc)

I always thought I was one of those 'happy independent' guys who preferred to be by himself and didn't need anyone else to be happy but friends. After a failed relationship a year ago though, I've been feeling different. Like something is now actually missing. This morning I thought to myself "The empty parts of me are now just blank canvas I can work with" until I realised it was just a dumb metaphor.

At this stage though, I shouldn't be with anyone while I'm freshly diagnosed. I don't think my ideal partner deserves a someone that doesn't like themselves.
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I have such low self esteem I'm sort of expecting the "ultimate confirmation" in getting in a relationship, which is pretty stupid as tons of people love me and say it's just a matter of time before I meet someone who will become the happiest person in the world around me.

My friend seems kind of tired with her, and wants her to stay at my place, but she does seem to be needing a push in that case, and neither of us want to be the one to tell a beautiful girl "get out and into Fudgepuppy's house".

Don't really care, I actually just want to be near her, talk about shit. I care for her and I'm perfectly content with being the perfect friend, which I seem to be at the moment.

Also made them food, which was awesome. Blew their minds with my recipe for fried egg-noodles, damn I'm good at food.
 
Not depressed.Just stuck in a bad place.

I've been poor my whole life and always aware of my money failings, my odd behavior from high functioning autism, ADHD, etc.
It's always been shit-my life- parents arguing, a mom who couldn't love me until I grew up and even now I can't love her, bullying, all that stuff.

I made friends though,but all those friends grew up and left me, I couldn't get a car to keep up due to financials and money spent on food, etc.

What brings me to all this is just another knock on my confidence today at the one place I still feel decent- the gym.
It's not so bad but I tend to have a breakdown about once a year but this last year I felt for the first time I couldn't build back that wall because I had no resources to pull it back and no importantly.

Everything I feel now, being poor, having no friends because I'm retarded, no money to afford any help(though every psychiatrist tells me just what i already know but have trouble enacting), being stuck with a family of old folk who just have nothing to say but about their work issues and their money problems...

Again, I don't think I'm depressed, I'm just seeing my shit situation for what it is and knowing full well there's no way out. I've fought every year to be alive it feels like and I just don't want to bother anymore.
I can't kill myself but maybe I'll join the military.
I'm just so tired of being an unsuspected nothing, short little guy that can't even talk to people normally anymore. I used to be really articulate when I was younger and people used to like to hear what I have to say.
Now I'm just getting old and because I'm not anything no one cares about me. I don't know if I can go back to school as the fear of the debt nearly killed me last time.
I just don't know what to do, but at least I feel a little better typing out some of my thoughts.
 
It sounds like you're in a good place with it anyway Fudgepuppy. Either that or you've become accustomed to it and don't want to rock the boat(?).

Better to be in the situation you're in now than either alienated and disconnected, or worse.
 
Happy birthday JB! Hope you have a great one.

I'm back from my month in Europe. It feels strange to be thrown back to day to day life, but the trip itself was so good for me mentally. I feel reinvigorated with life in general, and now there are a lot of plans in the next couple of months to hopefully continue the positive mindjuicing.
 
Dastardly Jerks said:
It sounds like you're in a good place with it anyway Fudgepuppy. Either that or you've become accustomed to it and don't want to rock the boat(?).

Better to be in the situation you're in now than either alienated and disconnected, or worse.
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I tried hooking up with her, but my friend went in and did her, and now he's sick of her. She's kind of in between and knows too much about me to be interested in me.

Like maybe in a couple of years, but right now she would only see the broken guy who's desperate for love, which is not part of her MO.
 
Dastardly Jerks said:
Own it. And one up them, if you can, by further insulting yourself :)

One thing I've come to realise recently is that the best thing about depression is self depreciation humour comes easily with it. You can laugh at yourself, or own whatever somebody calls you and it either makes people laugh or takes away power from whoever is trying to have a go at you.
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Listen, there's no need to further insult myself. I'm literally the ONLY PERSON IN THERE not insulting me! It's relentless, and I don't need to take it, and you people should be ashamed of yourselves. If one more person talks about putting ketchup on a hotdog (an issue I am passionate about), I swear to God...

(self deprecation really is a great gift. Almost everyone I know expresses affection through teasing. We've had a few people storm out of chat after being (I thought) very gently teased, which is a real bummer. I think most of us have the same approach, in that we tease people more as we become more comfortable with them. It seems obvious to me, but I guess not everyone is used to that.)
 
Fudgepuppy said:
I tried hooking up with her, but my friend went in and did her, and now he's sick of her. She's kind of in between and knows too much about me to be interested in me.

Like maybe in a couple of years, but right now she would only see the broken guy who's desperate for love, which is not part of her MO.
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Damn. Yeah the desperation and lovelorn vibe can be a real dealbreaker for some, and a turn on for others (usually those who are feeling the same way, and then instantly the chemistry of the relationship is off to a bad start).

Bagels said:
Listen, there's no need to further insult myself. I'm literally the ONLY PERSON IN THERE not insulting me! It's relentless, and I don't need to take it, and you people should be ashamed of yourselves. If one more person talks about putting ketchup on a hotdog (an issue I am passionate about), I swear to God...

(self deprecation really is a great gift. Almost everyone I know expresses affection through teasing. We've had a few people storm out of chat after being (I thought) very gently teased, which is a real bummer. I think most of us have the same approach, in that we tease people more as we become more comfortable with them. It seems obvious to me, but I guess not everyone is used to that.)
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Yeah but that's the thing, when the last person in there to insult themselves is the person being insulted then the cycle is complete and then everyone will be like "Hey, so umm.. what do we do now?" "Hungry hungry hippos?" "Cluedo!" "MARIACHI BAND!"

(In Australia, it's a very Australian thing to tease through affection. Almost like we never got over that stage of pulling the hair and kicking sand at the girl we liked in kindergarten. There's overt sensitivity for a certain type of person though. And that's OK but can be really dangerous if nobody picks up on it. I never know if somebody will take it the wrong way or not, so I don't risk it and don't say anything. You just gotta really know the person)
 
Happy birthday JB! Hope you had a great day :)

Fudgepuppy said:
The girl just left my place, she talked about staying at my place for the night if my friend felt like going home and playing BF3, but I had to bring out Hot Fuzz; the ultimate movie for staying and skipping BF3.

Well, got a couple of beers in me, listening to the most awesome song. and I feel good about the future, even if it doesn't hold love for me.
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"This video is unavailable." Why must Youtube suck so much?

Anyway, very glad to hear you're optimistic about the future. That's the spirit man!

toadsworth said:
Feeling weird. Got some anxiety sittin in my stomach, waiting to ruin the day.

Music!
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I hadn't heard this song before, but it's so damn good! Thanks for sharing it!
 
Dastardly Jerks said:
Damn. Yeah the desperation and lovelorn vibe can be a real dealbreaker for some, and a turn on for others (usually those who are feeling the same way, and then instantly the chemistry of the relationship is off to a bad start).
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I've written about what's happened here and here, which might give you more of an indepth and wall of text summarization of what's happened.
 
Thanks, all. I really appreciate it. Today was a very rough day. My illness is flaring up and I'm extremely uncomfortable but lying in bed, reading tweets, posts and chat really kept me going.
 
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