Well as someone who used to camp a lot, it could be anything from the battery dying to dropping her phone in the water or maybe they've moved to a spot where there's no coverage. I know it will be hard but if you know they have a date when they'll be back, just ride it out till then.
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Mental Health |OT| Depression & Co.
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Well as someone who used to camp a lot, it could be anything from the battery dying to dropping her phone in the water or maybe they've moved to a spot where there's no coverage. I know it will be hard but if you know they have a date when they'll be back, just ride it out till then.
Thanks man, that puts me at ease. They should be back tomorrow to where they reside temporarily when visiting, so hopefully I should hear from her tomorrow or tonight. Fingers crossed, I'm praying all is ok. They're at a campsite though and we live in the uk, so idk.
All this has made me realise how much I care for her, it's unreal that until you're faced with losing something that you realise how important he/she/it is important to you.
Anxiety is killing me. I lied to everyone about the progress on my master assignment, and now my mom demands to see my progress. I always knew the lies would catch up with me sooner or later.
I spent days and weeks and months just self handicapping and distracting myself from working on it. In fact it has become a major source of anxiety and whenever I try to work on it Im overwhelmed with anxiety and automatic negative thoughts about myself and what Im doing. The easiest way to cope with this is to shift to reading some stupid gaming thread on gaf, read something else on the Internet or play a stupid flash game or something. I been avoiding my supervisors, not showing up to meetings and telling people things are ok even lying to myself I guess. But I guess this is the day where I have to face it all.I really hate myself, how can someone be this patethic.
I spent days and weeks and months just self handicapping and distracting myself from working on it. In fact it has become a major source of anxiety and whenever I try to work on it Im overwhelmed with anxiety and automatic negative thoughts about myself and what Im doing. The easiest way to cope with this is to shift to reading some stupid gaming thread on gaf, read something else on the Internet or play a stupid flash game or something. I been avoiding my supervisors, not showing up to meetings and telling people things are ok even lying to myself I guess. But I guess this is the day where I have to face it all.I really hate myself, how can someone be this patethic.
Just going to vent again. I've vented before in the relationship thread and just gotten slammed by them...they really don't realize how bad depression and not wanting to go on can be for someone over there, geeze
I've been in love with a girl now for about eight months and she went from being extremely close, yet not wanting to be in a relationship with me, to now wanting to change her ways and stop being extremely close with guys and is essentially telling me that she's not going to date me and that she can't continue to be as close with me physically as she has in the past, and that I have to suck it up and just be "normal" friends if I want to continue the friendship. (She's been out of the country for four months and won't be returning until December)
I'm just at a loss of what to do and really can't stop breaking down. I can't see my future without her in it in the way she was before. I gave this girl everything and now have to deal with this. What do you do when you found the person you want to spend the rest of your life with and this happens? Sigh, I wish I could stop the pain and depression, it sucks so much =(
I've been in love with a girl now for about eight months and she went from being extremely close, yet not wanting to be in a relationship with me, to now wanting to change her ways and stop being extremely close with guys and is essentially telling me that she's not going to date me and that she can't continue to be as close with me physically as she has in the past, and that I have to suck it up and just be "normal" friends if I want to continue the friendship. (She's been out of the country for four months and won't be returning until December)
I'm just at a loss of what to do and really can't stop breaking down. I can't see my future without her in it in the way she was before. I gave this girl everything and now have to deal with this. What do you do when you found the person you want to spend the rest of your life with and this happens? Sigh, I wish I could stop the pain and depression, it sucks so much =(
If I ever finish my Ph.D and can find a postdoc/job it is a very viable option.
DJ Lushious
Member
You have to rebuild. Rebuild your expectations, rebuild your life, and try very hard to move on. I am dealing with these same feelings now and can honestly say, it is not easy.
And, if possible, seek a counselor. They are invaluable for times like these!
Lionheart1827
Member
What does extremely close mean(guessing just sex)? And you weren't in a relationship?
You just have to rebuild like DJ said. It'll take a long time. Two months ago I broke up with my g/f of over 2 years. I'm still kind of reeling from it, but every day I take a step to getting better from it. It will take time, but you have to distract yourself from it. Its easier said than done and you'll be hurting for awhile, but slowly you will come out of it.
DJ Lushious
Member
I've been hurting every day. I got so attached to my ex, as well as her family. And I work with her, which means occasionally seeing her. I've tried to see if she'd go for a walk around work with me a couple times, but I get ignored or told she's "really busy." I've even made the mistake of trying to catch up with her as she left meetings. She just doesn't want me and it felt for a while that she didn't while in the relationship.
I didn't want to break up with her. I really didn't, but I had to. I wasn't a priority for her, it seemed like I did all the work in the relationship, and I couldn't depend on her in a time of need. It didn't help I had no social life, so I became clingy and sought her to fill all my time.
I just want her back so bad, though. She truly was my best friend. I miss her so much and it hurts to see her at work and ignore her (and she ignore me).
I have been trying real hard to build a life and a good social life now. I have board game nights on Monday, Tuesday I go see my counselor, I have banjo lessons on Wednesday, and Thursday I do a group bike ride. It still doesn't fill the huge void I have inside and I still think about her and the relationship way too much.
Doctor's got me on Wellbutrin and Lithium now. I've had so much depression in my life, I've just lived with it. It's that feelings of constantly being just below the waterline. And sometimes things happen that drag me down to the bottom, like an undertow. And right now I hurt so bad. I still cry. I regret my decision. I acted too emotionally. I'm trying so hard not to drown myself in World of Warcraft, which I've taken to at times when I am truly at my worst. I get so lost in the game, it becomes all that I do. And right now I just want to escape, but I know that it's not going to do me any good but waste time long enough for me to heal.
Nope, that's the kicker, not even that, just cuddling and general physical closeness. She believes friends shouldn't do this, and that it was a mistake, and wants to stop "leading guys on." She fails to understand it's a lot harder for a guy to go from that to just being "friends," especially considering how unrequited and strong my feelings were =/
DJ Lushious
Member
My counselor chided me over this. She said "don't get so attached so quick. You should periodically take stock in the relationship and determine whether or not you are on the same level. And if not, don't proceed further."
But I understand. I did the same thing with my last relationship. I got *so* attached, when she wasn't getting attached.
Lionheart1827
Member
Yeah this sounds a lot like how I was in the first month and a half or so. Without her I didn't have much friends and a social life(still dont that much) but I'm working on it.
It'll get better in time, its probably doubly hard that you see her every day. Have you started looking for a new job? If I had to see my ex every day at work I'd probably go crazy with emotions.
You WILL get better and you WILL find somebody else though. Its only a matter of time. Just keep taking it day by day.
Well if the feelings were strong, dont bother. As much as it hurts, if you cant be "just friends" then cut contact until you feel like you may be able to be her friend, and if you cant, then dont at all. You may feel pretty shitty right now, but be thankful you weren't in a super loving relationship, it hurts WAY harder when things go south in a real relationship.
You will be fine in time! It just takes awhile for the sting to go away. There are worse things that can happen in life
DJ Lushious
Member
I don't see her every day, but I did see her yesterday in a huge meeting.
And here's the kicker, I turned down an awesome gig for a myriad of reasons, but one of those was not being able to spend as much time with her. It was also a 90 minute commute each way via train, which was the big reason, but still. I am regretting that decision now.
Lionheart1827
Member
Well, just keep looking if you have to. The less "regular" contact you have with her, the faster you will get over it. It probably feels like "everything reminds me of her" which is the way everyone feels, so you have to just try to remove as much as you can that does that to you(you wont be able to remove everything). You can ask any of the regulars in the chat. When I first started coming to depgaf, I was a wreck, and its the only thing I ever talked about, repeated the same shit constantly. Its hard, but I'm starting to get to the point where I'm getting back to normal and have the confidence to start improving my life again. Just try to do whatever you can to cut any form of contact with her. The rest will fall into place in due time.
It could be out of genuine concern, but I have also noticed it to be an insecurity issue with some people. There have been times I've agreed to meet someone for lunch, having already told them I wasn't hungry and was just going to keep them company - only to be told when we got there that they don't like being the only person ordering food and that I should get something. It happens frequently.
DJ Lushious
Member
I still care about her so much and I wish she had given me a fair shot. I was essentially a rebound relationship. It had been 3 years since she had gotten out of a 5 year relationship and I could tell she was trying to cushion herself from being hurt again. She had intimacy issues (emotional and physical), but also health issues that keep me still worrying and caring about her.
At least we can form a club now!
DJ Lushious
Member
Probably not. What have you done about these feelings? Medication? Therapy? Support structure?
My gf text back! She's fine, she just couldn't charge her phone because of the sockets available. OMG i'm so thankful, i feel so positive at the moment, i even went to the gym today, i plan to go consistently from now on, i'm going to tell her how i feel and how i felt, the worry and how much i appreciate her. Hopefully she won't think i'm obsessive or anything, i've never felt this way about a girl before, they used to always reject me and i used to always be down about it. Regardless of where you meet the person, the most important thing is how they make you feel, she keeps me going. Thanks god.
Sorry for rambling, figured i'd inject some of my positivity and those that are down to read it, as there's always hope, always a silver lining, never speak too soon and keep at it. It's what i've done, and (touch wood) it's going good.
Sorry for rambling, figured i'd inject some of my positivity and those that are down to read it, as there's always hope, always a silver lining, never speak too soon and keep at it. It's what i've done, and (touch wood) it's going good.
Collete
Member
I'm back...for a little bit I think.
That is the most sound words of wisdom on relationships I have heard in awhile. It is true though no matter where you find the person.
I don't know why, but whenever I read a bunch of positivity on this thread, I feel like people are shooting ignorance in a place that it doesn't belong. But your words are a bit encouraging. This post helped me a little bit, so thank you.
That is the most sound words of wisdom on relationships I have heard in awhile. It is true though no matter where you find the person.
I don't know why, but whenever I read a bunch of positivity on this thread, I feel like people are shooting ignorance in a place that it doesn't belong. But your words are a bit encouraging. This post helped me a little bit, so thank you.
DJ Lushious
Member
I would advise against that. Here's the lesson to be learned from the experience: try not to get such separation anxiety when you know why she wasn't texting you back. Clearly she was away and couldn't text you for the above reason. it happens. Next time, take a deep breath, objectively look at why she might not text you back that isn't "she doesn't care about me!", and then do something to keep your mind busy and occupied. Really, all you do is hurt yourself in these situations and it does show that there is some attachment or other matter that you need to work on before it gets out of control and winds up hurting your cause, rather than helping.
Velcro Fly
Member
Didn't get it. Never had a chance. One of those things where they post jobs online but in reality they are already filled by people far more connected than me. Pretty much a nice kick in the teeth to cap off a shitty week.
This OCD is only getting worse by the day. It's been a day since I visited our new house, but I can't stop thinking about dust and spiders now. Even in our current home, I see dust and spiders everywhere. And I even worry about spiders I don't see. It's like my mind knows there are spiders everywhere, they're just hidden away.
I've always hated spiders, but I can't remember being this depressed/anxious about them. I really get a lot of anxiety just thinking about it. Just reading about them on the internet (especially about their egg sacs and stuff) makes it even worse.
I've had similar episodes in the past, and the really bad cases can take up weeks till they are over. Some of them don't even disappear completely, they're always around in my mind. I tend to think "they're not that bad" when they're over, but when I'm right in one... It's a living hell.
Not on meds or anything btw
I've always hated spiders, but I can't remember being this depressed/anxious about them. I really get a lot of anxiety just thinking about it. Just reading about them on the internet (especially about their egg sacs and stuff) makes it even worse.
I've had similar episodes in the past, and the really bad cases can take up weeks till they are over. Some of them don't even disappear completely, they're always around in my mind. I tend to think "they're not that bad" when they're over, but when I'm right in one... It's a living hell.
Not on meds or anything btw
On meds, have therapy, missed both sessions I had this week because of transportation issues, but I didn't really feel like going to them in the first place. Feeling a lot of guilt about that, which won't dissipate. Support structure is strong, probably the best thing I got going in life right now.
Love the topic as it's something I've struggled with the same way. Similarly, procrastination and then the sense of self worth in what I produce. That there are an endless number of people out there who operate more effectively and efficiently than I, and produce better material on top of that.
Sometimes it's a faint voice I can overcome, sometimes it's overwhelming and convinces me of things that aren't true. In any case I'm glad you were able to get the post out there ReiGun. Thanks for sharing, it's nice to see I'm not alone in that struggle. I mean I know I'm not, but I need that reminder.
Hope you guys are enjoying your Friday.
edit: In fact just thinking about the procrastination in school. I never read over my writing. As a result I always had an idea of what my comments on papers would be like. "Well you've got some real interesting ideas here, if you just go over it again and fix it up it'd be a great paper." Did I ever do that? No of course not. I felt justified enough with just the interesting idea part and the procrastinator in me would say, "when it matters (in a job setting) I'll be motivated enough to make it as good as it can be." Pretty stupid way of thinking as it doesn't prep your brain for that routine of putting out your best. Though my few work settings I've been in I've never been one to slack off, it has been different than the school setting. Okay this is getting ranty.
I've gotten all of my blood work back. Aside from a Vitamin D deficiency (which could be making some symptoms worse), I'm in perfect health. Part of me finds this devastating. If it was something else, something actually treatable, I could go from there but it's not and now I have to start the potent drug shuffle, to see if I can find *anything* that makes life bearable. My doc gave me a rheumatologist recommendation but of course, he doesn't take Medicaid (who does these days?). It's even more likely that I'll have quite the fight on my hands to get Medicaid to pay for these drugs, most of which are still on patent.
I don't have a lot of hope in this area. I take a certain amount of comfort in that I always have the option of ending my life if I simply can't take this misery any more but what fucking choice is that? No one should be put in that position. It's an epic failure of modern medicine.
I just can't focus right now. I've been crying all day. I need to sleep and hope beyond hope that tomorrow is better.
I don't have a lot of hope in this area. I take a certain amount of comfort in that I always have the option of ending my life if I simply can't take this misery any more but what fucking choice is that? No one should be put in that position. It's an epic failure of modern medicine.
I just can't focus right now. I've been crying all day. I need to sleep and hope beyond hope that tomorrow is better.
One of those days GAF, one of those days... Family keeps commenting on how I look like a bum. Well, gee I don't have anywhere to go or anyone to see/impress, so why make myself look like less of a bum if I'm just gonna be home all day on the computer running up the internet bill anyway? I applied to the McDonald's across my street online this morning (at like 2am). I bet I won't hear from them. Ugh. I feel so frustrated, and yet I have not much to worry about in comparison to some of you guys. I feel even worse after that.
Hey guys, I don't know if I have depression or not, but recently I've been going through a bout of really intense apathy/motivational anhedonia. I just don't feel like doing anything anymore. I can still feel pleasure, but at the same time I'm not motivated to actually go out and seek that pleasure. I just feel very listless. Any suggestions on how to overcome this? What do you guys do when you feel apathetic about life and/or just lack the motivation to do things?
Hopefully in my first appointment in a couple of weeks, I will be prescribed to be drugged up with meds. I don't want to feel anything anymore, the bad outweighs the good. If only I had the guts to end it all. Then I couldn't bother anyone again, or subject people to reading this depressing crap I go on about here like a broken record. If only it were possible to give the rest of my life away to someone that would actually benefit from the time. Opposed to spend it being a low functioning waste like me, that doesn't and never will have a place anywhere in this world, apart from being a draining leech.
Lionheart1827
Member
I know how that feels man, going to a doctor because there is something wrong with you hoping that they find something that is causing all of the pain and suffering, only to come back with *ding* nothing really. Its a tough pill to swallow(no pun intended) but you just keep on goin big guy! Why dont we just cryogenically freeze ourselves until the year 2100-2200 where most of these diseases and conditions are cured?
Keep your head up JB! *brofist*
About?
Meds aren't a magic bullet. I really don't feel that different on them besides not having constant suicidal ideation.
Going over the internet bill by $40+; being reminded I'm a loser with no friends who spends all day in his room, while everyone else who graduated with me still go out and talk to one another and stuff. As much as I'd like to say "forget it", I can't, and it hurts and it adds stress as I have no social skills and going anywhere seems terrifying to me. I have no redeeming qualities, either. I hate myself.
Get a job to help pay for the bills and start doing something like playing something like WoW to learn social skills and give yourself something more to do than just surf the internet?
Blood Diamonds
Banned
I really hate who I am.
Like, I think everyone else is better than me. I have little to no self esteem. There's always this feeling on my chest, like something is pushing it, I always feel scared and my stomach feels a little sick when it gets really bad. I have friends, but I feel alone, and I hate it.
I just feel like most people are better than me, better looking, more confident, smarter, you name it.
I always feel like I'm being judged, even if I know that no one gives a fuck, as if everyone was staring at me. I don't know what's wrong, is this some kind of depression? I don't know, I have no reason to be depressed. I just suck. Fuck.
And hi everyone I guess.
Like, I think everyone else is better than me. I have little to no self esteem. There's always this feeling on my chest, like something is pushing it, I always feel scared and my stomach feels a little sick when it gets really bad. I have friends, but I feel alone, and I hate it.
I just feel like most people are better than me, better looking, more confident, smarter, you name it.
I always feel like I'm being judged, even if I know that no one gives a fuck, as if everyone was staring at me. I don't know what's wrong, is this some kind of depression? I don't know, I have no reason to be depressed. I just suck. Fuck.
And hi everyone I guess.
I've applied all over the place for a job. Nowhere's responded, and I doubt that even McDonald's will. And I have a WoW account, it's just frozen since I don't have a CC to pay for it.
I'm on my fourth med now (Cipralex -> Cymbalta -> Pristiq -> Wellbutrin XL -> Prozac) and I still have constant suicidal ideation. Had it on my past meds, too. *sigh* If only there was a magic fix.
It took me four months last summer to find a job. I was depressed as heck even though I'm normally a fairly confident guy and have an amazing resume. It's hard to find a job, you just have to look hard and expect to only get a callback from one out of every 10 places you apply.
Man, are you me? No, really, you described me better than I could have done myself. Here goes a virtual hug for you
Also, feel free to PM me or add me on Steam if you ever need someone to talk/vent to.
I mean, I still get them from time to time (especially at night), but they've definitely lessened. Have you tried Remeron? I take the generic equivalent for sleep and it really calms me down before bed, which is usually when my brain won't shut up about how great killing myself would be.
revolverjgw
Member
Anybody else's anxiety making their existence at work/school really awkward? Every break at work I immediately exit the building and do a lap around the block, or if the weather sucks, go to the washroom and hope nobody's there so I can spend 15 minutes in a stall surfing the net. At lunch I just walk around downtown, maybe eating, maybe not. I can't bring myself to walk into the breakroom, and I'm dreading winter when I'll probably HAVE to because it will be like Hoth outside. The whole social aspect of the office is lost on me, always avoiding people, fearing meeting them in the stairwell or at the printer, making excuses about where I disappear to during breaks...
Smiley linked me to this thread some time ago. Completely forgot it existed. I think it's because it got moved to the Community forum. Anyway.
I've had a hard couple of months. Partly from recent events that have transpired, partly just stress and thoughts. I feel like an asshole saying that because I know very well that there are others having it way worse than I am. I'm not one to cause or continue any sort of distress or drama. I dislike it.
I'd rather not go into detail on anything (helpful, yeah), but an unfortunate event that's happened lately that I should care about has me disconnected from it. No care at all. It bothers me that I'm so detached, when I shouldn't be. I think about it, I imagine an emotional reaction, but nothing happens. I flipped through some books on the subject, none of those books help. Made for some interesting reads, though.
As for stress. It's just life in general, I suppose. It's been tough lately, world on my shoulders kind of thing. I'd rather not go into detail on my thoughts, it just makes me sad. Don't worry though, nothing insane or suicidal (I don't think I can ever do it). It just makes me sigh. I think this is why I'm having trouble sleeping – too many thoughts.
Anyway, I figured I'd just type this all out for the sake of letting off some steam. Thanks for the link, Smiley.
I've had a hard couple of months. Partly from recent events that have transpired, partly just stress and thoughts. I feel like an asshole saying that because I know very well that there are others having it way worse than I am. I'm not one to cause or continue any sort of distress or drama. I dislike it.
I'd rather not go into detail on anything (helpful, yeah), but an unfortunate event that's happened lately that I should care about has me disconnected from it. No care at all. It bothers me that I'm so detached, when I shouldn't be. I think about it, I imagine an emotional reaction, but nothing happens. I flipped through some books on the subject, none of those books help. Made for some interesting reads, though.
As for stress. It's just life in general, I suppose. It's been tough lately, world on my shoulders kind of thing. I'd rather not go into detail on my thoughts, it just makes me sad. Don't worry though, nothing insane or suicidal (I don't think I can ever do it). It just makes me sigh. I think this is why I'm having trouble sleeping – too many thoughts.
Anyway, I figured I'd just type this all out for the sake of letting off some steam. Thanks for the link, Smiley.
-acknowledging nod-
Let me/us know if you ever wanna let off some steam/go into detail, here or in private.
As for what you wrote... Never apologize for thinking that others have it worse. That's something... i'd say most people in this thread struggle with, and it's very self-defeating. Your problems are your problems. Just because someone has cancer doesn't mean you can't feel bad about you breaking your leg. Also, you mention that you feel emotionally disconnected, but then you say that it makes you sad? Or does the fact that you DO feel emotionally disconnected from events make you sad, not the event themselves?
I actually called sick into work today, because... I don't even know why. I just woke up and felt like I couldn't do it. Too stressed too, I think. Plus, all I ate within 30h was one single slice of banana bread. I find it a bit amusing how I realize I'm feeling worse by how my body physically reacts, not by my mental state.
Something bad happened, and I didn't care. Not in some funny rebellious way. Just no emotional reaction. I nodded and went about my business as usual.
My thoughts, unrelated for the most part to that bad thing, in general just make me sad. I thought about something from a few years ago, and I just sighed out loud to dismiss it.
My thoughts, unrelated for the most part to that bad thing, in general just make me sad. I thought about something from a few years ago, and I just sighed out loud to dismiss it.
If you need someone to talk to, you can hit me up. I may not be a sage to solve your problems, but I have two ears and the time to listen.
If I can be slightly selfish for a moment to this thread, regarding my situation a few weeks ago, not much has changed. Would anyone be willing to talk to me one on one and help me out with a solution? Like to find a means of looking for something I can do in the very short term that I find important. I don't want to sit around and do nothing, but doing whatever isn't a good option in return, so doing what's important to me is central.
There's quite a few with your name. Wanna narrow it down for me?
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