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[Agent Cooper]

COOPER'S ALBUM OF THE DAY!!!!!!!

*Yaaaaay says the audience*

Passion Pit's Gossamer!!!

Listen to it, full and in HD here!

The album is mostly about the struggles of the lead singer's dealing with mental illness (mostly bipolar disorder) and various other topics.

Here's a more in-depth review that explains it well.

But see I am no criminal
I'm down on both bad knees
I'm just too much a coward to admit when I'm in need

 

[revolverjgw]

I'm freaking out and I don't know what to do. My psychologist wanted me to try a more long term anxiety medication so I was referred to a psychiatrist. She prescribed me Lexapro and warned that it might cause trouble reaching orgasm and to let her know if I experience that.

One week into the med, I noticed today that I almost couldn't finish masturbating. Not only that, my dick is way less sensitive than it used to be. As I post this it feels like my dick is coming off a light anesthesia. I'm reading online that this can be long term or even permanent even if I fucking quit the drug. Now I'm scared that I've ruined my ability to have sex and I just went full dosage this evening. Even my feet are a little numb when they used to be quite ticklish.

I'm calling my doctor tomorrow about my symptoms and what to do. She didn't tell me it could be this serious and I'd rather be anxious than have a numb whisky dick my whole life. Anyone else experience sexual dysfunction due to SSRIs or anti depressants?

Zoloft made achieving orgasm damn near impossible for me. 2 weeks of that and I was done with it, for me that wasn't worth sacrificing.

I also freaked out about this, but as soon as I got off it, everything returned to normal. Nothing's wrong.

 

[Transhuman]

\As for those dreams... Uh... I don't know how to break this to you guys (and gals), but "losing teeth" dreams are fairly common, actually. They're so common, even Freud declared them one of the four most common kinds of dreams. (Next to flying, being naked and falling) And don't read anything into them, really. The classic interpretation is that you're struggling with change in your life (e.g. you lose your baby-teeth when you mature. Hence dreams of losing teeth = change occuring in your life), but... dream-interpretation isn't exactly science.

In Fiction's case the dream is much less metaphorical. Stop drinking so much Coca Cola!

 

[The Lamp]

The odds of it being permanent, or even lasting much beyond the period you're on the drug (and there are things you can do to counteract it if the drug is helpful in other ways), are vanishingly small. Reading up on this stuff online is a great way to let crazy people scare the crap out of you. Sexual dysfunction is unfortunately common with SSRIs. Some drugs will affect you worse than others, but there's no way to know what will happen until you try them. Try not to freak out about any changes being permanent. That's not really a huge concern.

Thanks for making me feel better. I can't even sleep because I'm so worried (you can tell I have anxiety lol).

I embarrassed myself already because I called the psych office at the hospital hoping to leave a message for them to call me back in the morning, but instead a rep immediately called me back saying they called my doctor (at that moment, at 1:30 am) and she said to call back during business hours if it's not an emergency. Lol I felt bad because I accidentally woke her up, but then again, my dick is numb because of her so eh.

 

[Bagels]

Thanks for making me feel better. I can't even sleep because I'm so worried (you can tell I have anxiety lol).

I embarrassed myself already because I called the psych office at the hospital hoping to leave a message for them to call me back in the morning, but instead a rep immediately called me back saying they called my doctor (at that moment, at 1:30 am) and she said to call back during business hours if it's not an emergency. Lol I felt bad because I accidentally woke her up, but then again, my dick is numb because of her so eh.

For years now, I've been calling for a national penis emergency hotline, but my efforts have been sadly ignored. It's hard. Getting funding, not the...nvm.

The side effect may get better with time, you may be able to counteract it with a lower dose or an add-on drug, or it may be persistent and make this drug unacceptable for you. If it's the last option, quitting the drug will, medically speaking, return the tingle to your dingle. No worries.

 

[heidern]

Loving yourself really is the key, but it's definitely one of those "easier said than done" deals. Especially when it feels like the whole world is telling you that there is something wrong with you. Then, it seems only natural to seek out someone, anyone, who makes you feel that you aren't such an awful being. It's something I know I still struggle with, and I'm still trying to find healthy ways to open up that are more about building connections with people and less about seeking validation.

You should start with liking yourself first before moving onto loving yourself. If you can just get some positivity, get any positivity towards yourself then you have something to build on. If you struggle to do that or you don't like yourself, then go out and do some good things. Set the intention that you are going to be a good person and then follow through with it. Then at that point you can keep saying to yourself that you are a good person. That you are doing good things. That you know you are doing good things. It might not be a lot, but you know that it is at least good. You don't have to have a grand plan, you can keep things simple.

 

[ClassyPenguin]

With meds it is important to let your body acclimate and not get freaked out by some initial side effects. As long as it isn't a medical emergency like getting heart palpitations, seizures, or anything like that.

I see a lot of posters here get scared during that initial period and stop medication. Antidepressants take sometimes about a month or longer to be effective, so it is important to be on it during that time. Many side effects go away after that.

 

[The Lamp]

With meds it is important to let your body acclimate and not get freaked out by some initial side effects. As long as it isn't a medical emergency like getting heart palpitations, seizures, or anything like that.

I see a lot of posters here get scared during that initial period and stop medication. Antidepressants take sometimes about a month or longer to be effective, so it is important to be on it during that time. Many side effects go away after that.

Well I get heart palpitations anyway because of my anxiety and heart condition (but they're physically harmless in my case, just uncomfortable). My psychiatrist told me to tell her about sexual symptoms immediately since she said those are not something to wait for to go away, we would need to try a new med.


I didn't sleep a wink last night after my first full dose. The desensitivity is now noticeable in my fingers and toes. They're less ticklish and a little bit like anesthesia almost worn off.

Edit: got a call from her and was told to stop. Phew. Hopefully these symptoms go away!!

I feel so strange.

 

[Lonely1]

I've heard that dreams about your teeth falling out or being damaged are subliminal dream interpretations of you worrying about money.

Been worried about cash or finances lately?

I have hearth they are prediction about death... I believe that anyone interpretation are different.

Wait I'm not the only one that has dreams like this?
Well good to know anyways.

No. I used to have dreams that included, among other stuff, an arc about my teeth falling/breaking while I desperately and hopelessly tried to salvage them.

Another recurrent theme I had since I was a kid was being chased by tornadoes, tsunamis, the final cataclysm or other entities. And of course, I also dreamed a lot about having to present exams I didn't studied for, or having to present projects that I didn't completed.

I'm using past tense since I no longer have that kind of dreams (often at least). I have a very curious anecdote about dreams and depression. When I started to finally overcome the disease, the persecution dreams changed: I started to face the challenges. Instead of being dreams about desperation and hopelessness, they started to become dream of action and hope!

 

[FillerB]

A shout-out to Colin. Just keep on remembering that no matter what you are

 

[Prax]

Aaaaah.. so many good posts.. so little time to respond~!

But I'd like to thank Bagels for the post about relationships because I agree with most of it and I think it's important to have it out for people to read.
BECAUSE REALLY.
A relationship.
Finding "love".
Doesn't really "fix" anything.
It feels great and stuff, but you gotta know what to do with it and how to ENJOY it and your life and yourself to actually get something out of it. And in the case of romantic love specifically, being able to give it back in an appropriate manner that doesn't cause you to burn out or make the other person feel smothered.. or isn't dysfunctional in general.

I am not that sentimental of a person in general, so my view on romance is not really the type that is glamorized in the media and by poets and whatnot. xD So uh.. maybe I don't know what I am really talking about as it relates to anyone else, but romance is not everything. And friendships are not a "step below" that. And it's not a bad thing to have shallow relationships with friends or acquaintances either! Give yourself time and chances to connect with yourself and also connect with others. Not everything will work out and not everything will work forever, but appreciate it for what it was and how it nourished you and continue seeking and growing.

Anyway, I am sleepy and a little more philosophical than usual today so I am not even sure if what I said makes sense, but I came across this tumblr post that I think applies and I thought it was really poignant, and I will remember the advice in my heart.
It's actually something I try to live by, thinking about it:

What to do when people leave. (via herscience)
1. Do not hate them for it. They are on a journey too.
2. Understand that sometimes you will be a bandage caressing a temporary wound or you will be a pinnacle of permanency rooted deeply in their heart. Accept that you do this to people too.
3. Do not step on your feet trying to find a rhythm you are not meant to follow.
4. Do not let it harden you: continue to nurture, continue to love.
5. People use words as anchors to latch onto bits of you, and when they leave remind yourself that the sea never bled itself dry because a ship left it.
6. Write the nastiest letter and burn it.
7. Yes, they may have illuminated pieces of you that you were unaware existed. But now you do and they are not the last person to remind you.
8. Dizzy yourself with everything you love, like dancing in the greenhouse to horrid pop songs or reading Haruki Murakami.
9. Set all that anger ablaze, you are wasting your time sifting through it.
10. Internalize the fact that you were still breathing before you met them.
11. Forgive them.

I find it hard to resent people for too long, even if I want to. My feelings are kind of transient and funny that way, so I usually just spend more energy relishing the good stuff.

 

[Lonely1]

Aaaaah.. so many good posts.. so little time to respond~!

But I'd like to thank Bagels for the post about relationships because I agree with most of it and I think it's important to have it out for people to read.
BECAUSE REALLY.
A relationship.
Finding "love".
Doesn't really "fix" anything.
It feels great and stuff, but you gotta know what to do with it and how to ENJOY it and your life and yourself to actually get something out of it. And in the case of romantic love specifically, being able to give it back in an appropriate manner that doesn't cause you to burn out or make the other person feel smothered.. or isn't dysfunctional in general.

Well, while that much is true, I really believe that I'm ready. I'm not longer feel depressed, just very lonely . And I'm not talking just about love, I would really like some good friends.

I have recently been trying to broaden the spectrum of people I interact with... but it doesn't feel right. I feel that what they are talking about doesn't interest me at all, and I the same time I can't offer anything to them. I feel incredibly out of sync with most people.

 

[Agent Cooper]

I need help.

 

[chiQ]

I am serious. If this was a parallel universe and I was straight I would be married and have kids by now.

I don't understand this. You're not missing out on these things because you're gay and in this universe. If you value them obtain them.

 

[Hermii]

I need help.

From us?

And what do you need help for?

 

[AcridMeat]

Holy fuck I've been hit with brutal self-loathing over the past few days. My depression and mood swings generally don't weigh TOO heavily on self-image but lately I feel worse about myself than I have in years. I hate myself. I wish I were more normal. Someone who could just enjoy things for what they are instead of fret about the dumbest shit.

What's extra bizarre about it is that I'm completely aware of how insane and irrational my feelings are. But, obviously, I can't just make them go away. So I'm sitting here looking attentively at this thing that's totally breaking me down.

It's nuts. I went on a date and the emotional side of my mind is convinced against all logic that she hated it and was just humoring me. Which makes no sense and I know isn't true.

I'm so out of my mind that I asked. On the one hand it was reassuring...on the other, I feel like even more of a freaking loser needing that sort of validation.

Lord what a conundrum.

Fuck.

I am late to seeing this, sorry, but if it helps you aren't alone in this. It's what I've been struggling with very recently. I know rationally these thoughts aren't true, but the thoughts are unending, and sometimes so devious that I end up believing it. Because it's so frequent, any sort of nice thing said to me is discounted soon after as some sort of humoring or being nice for the sake of it, that it couldn't possibly be true.

It fucking sucks to have the feeling like you need validation or reassurance constantly.

As for self image, I've gotten kind of apathetic on what I look like to other people. Now it's self loathing over my actions or lack thereof, which I'm trying to fix by going out to a bunch of stuff I wouldn't do normally.

 

[ClassyPenguin]

Well I get heart palpitations anyway because of my anxiety and heart condition (but they're physically harmless in my case, just uncomfortable). My psychiatrist told me to tell her about sexual symptoms immediately since she said those are not something to wait for to go away, we would need to try a new med.


I didn't sleep a wink last night after my first full dose. The desensitivity is now noticeable in my fingers and toes. They're less ticklish and a little bit like anesthesia almost worn off.

Edit: got a call from her and was told to stop. Phew. Hopefully these symptoms go away!!

I feel so strange.

Two weeks seems oddly short to stop and start meds, esp. SSRI's.

I had similar symptoms and they went away after my body acclimated. Like any drug, reactions may vary from individual to individual.

 

[The Lamp]

Two weeks seems oddly short to stop and start meds, esp. SSRI's.

I had similar symptoms and they went away after my body acclimated. Like any drug, reactions may vary from individual to individual.

Well I had only taken the med at 5 mg each day for a week and then one dose of 10 mg. She has other medicines in mind for me that I could try out.

 

[Kinitari]

I've been paying attention to this thread ever since my post a couple pages back, and I just want to say, to all you Gaffers that are depressed - keep fighting the good fight. I can't imagine being in your position, and if I could give you some of my excess happiness I would. You guys are good people, great even, and you deserve all the happiness in the world.

Hopefully with some luck, you'll all find what you need.

Also, super duper shout out to all the gaffers who dedicate their time to talk to individuals in this thread, you guys are doing an amazing thing and I hope you are appreciated for it. And I'm not just talking about Fiction! I mean just on this page, Prax and Hermii, you guys are awesome.

 

[Iph]

Wow, they are docile. Started approaching me.

 

[Kwixotik]

I feel like I've been running on fumes for two weeks. I can't get my brain to function at its full capacity. It seems like I can't accomplish anything at all unless I'm under a very unhealthy level of stress, in which case I perform extremely well.

But when all I have to do is study for the GRE and send out two extremely important e-mails? I've been telling myself "I'll do it tomorrow" every day for two weeks, but when I sit down to do it my brain just goes dumb. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

 

[ClassyPenguin]

So, I have been taking melatonin for like about a week and a half because it was there. My suspicions of it being useless has been confirmed.

 

[User 100115]

Wow, they are docile. Started approaching me.

If that's velvet I spy, stay away. It wasn't approaching cause it's nice, it was deciding if you are a threat to his territory or not. Deer get CRAZY during the rut.

 

[Lionheart1827]

So, I have been taking melatonin for like about a week and a half because it was there. My suspicions of it being useless has been confirmed.

It only really works if your body is lacking melatonin. If you're having trouble sleeping, its probably from some other reason.

Did you try the same dosage every week? or did you try to add an extra dose?

 

[ClassyPenguin]

It only really works if your body is lacking melatonin. If you're having trouble sleeping, its probably from some other reason.

Did you try the same dosage every week? or did you try to add an extra dose?

varied dose, as I wasn't being scientific about it. Like most supplements, manufacturing and dosage isn't regulated and yeah, if you are not lacking in said vitamin or whatever, it's not going to do much.

Minimoog's are so cool!

 

[Bagels]

So, I have been taking melatonin for like about a week and a half because it was there. My suspicions of it being useless has been confirmed.

It does the trick for me. If I haven't taken it for a while, it can knock me the heck out ("golly!").

 

[ClassyPenguin]

Golly Gee!

So far, the only thing that has worked is ambien, but I need to take it under supervision or it can get dicey.

 

[Bagels]

Golly Gee!

So far, the only thing that has worked is ambien, but I need to take it under supervision or it can get dicey.

Charity event idea: you and I each take 3 ambien, and are placed in front of a computer with GAF open. People donate money after each post we make.

 

[ClassyPenguin]

That's crazy enough to work.

Depgaf podcast: ambien edition.

 

[Iph]

If that's velvet I spy, stay away. It wasn't approaching cause it's nice, it was deciding if you are a threat to his territory or not. Deer get CRAZY during the rut.

I got kind of nervous as it kept slowly coming closer, so I got back on the main trail out in the open. About 2 minutes later, it came up to the main trail in the open too and crossed over to another patch of bush even closer than this. :O

 

[Bagels]

That's crazy enough to work.

Depgaf podcast: ambien edition.

Never going to work. Last time my meds made me nutty, I delivered a stirring dgaf manifesto on our voicechat server...twice. The first time, I didn't have my push to talk key down, so I was just rambling pretentious bullshit at myself. :/

 

[jb1234]

Never going to work. Last time my meds made me nutty, I delivered a stirring dgaf manifesto on our voicechat server...twice. The first time, I didn't have my push to talk key down, so I was just rambling pretentious bullshit at myself. :/

Aw... but I loved your second speech! It was just like the second time I'd heard your voice and it was all valuable information!

 

[Bagels]

Aw... but I loved your second speech! It was just like the second time I'd heard your voice and it was all valuable information!

I remember none of this, so I'll take your word for it.

Still kind of embarrassed...

 

[jb1234]

I remember none of this, so I'll take your word for it.

Still kind of embarrassed...

Would it make you feel better if I did something equally as embarrassing in mumble and... oh, wait! I already did! When I entered it completely wasted!

 

[Windam]

Always fun having someone ask you "Are you a man or a little girl?" because of how much you eat. Last time I checked, I was a man. I have the parts and identify as one, so goddamn it I do not need to eat as much as a whale does to justify it. If I'm not hungry, I'm not hungry. Holy shit.

EDIT: People also have second jobs for the summer. I couldn't even find one. Great.

 

[AcridMeat]

Gahhhh New Order - Elegia this song came on and I had to write about it.


Including link just to the song as this isn't a ploy for clicks/views.

 

[DJ Lushious]

Always fun having someone ask you "Are you a man or a little girl?" because of how much you eat. Last time I checked, I was a man. I have the parts and identify as one, so goddamn it I do not need to eat as much as a whale does to justify it. If I'm not hungry, I'm not hungry. Holy shit.

How little or how much do you eat?

 

[Sqrt_minus_one]

Wish I could doodle as well as some people, well jealous.

Another productive day at the office.

 

[Iph]

Always fun having someone ask you "Are you a man or a little girl?" because of how much you eat. Last time I checked, I was a man. I have the parts and identify as one, so goddamn it I do not need to eat as much as a whale does to justify it. If I'm not hungry, I'm not hungry. Holy shit.

EDIT: People also have second jobs for the summer. I couldn't even find one. Great.

People can be insensitive gits about dumb stuff. At best, the guy may have been trying to "joke" with you and thought he was being dudebro friendly, but more than likely he was just being an ass. I know it's not easy but having a "rolls eyes" attitude toward this kind of behaviour is what I personally find works best for me.

Also, I love you avy and have never told you. <3

If you ever want resume advice/help I do resume workshops for people semi-professionally, as long as I'm not asked to come up with something at the last minute when I'm super busy. PM me? ^__^

 

[FYC]

I have to pass a bunch of tests over the next 8 days

Well I hope I don't mess up

Oh god gotta go soon hnnnnng please don't fail today's test or i am cry

 

[kiyomi]

I have to pass a bunch of tests over the next 8 days

Well I hope I don't mess up

Oh god gotta go soon hnnnnng please don't fail today's test or i am cry

Good luck!

 

[Wilsongt]

Hello, DepressionGAF.

Not been posting a lot because I've been relatively okay the last few days. Been playing a lot of Tales of Xillia and that is helping me not sit on the computer and mope on the websites I visit. Also, I think the Zoloft is helping, also. Been on it almost a month now and my mood has improved a bit. I am glad that I do not have the "zombie-like" feelings while on it. I've heard that a lot of people tend to get that feeling.

I'm still being a little clam. (Thanks Prax! :3) I am slowly beginning to realize the reality of my situation when it comes to finding a partner. I just don't know if where I live now is a good place to find one... Or if I should just give up all together. There are so many judgmental and liars in the gay community that someone with my personality has a very hard time sort of integrating myself into it...

All well. Just my update!

*snacks on Bagels*

 

[ReiGun]

A Wizard Did It: A Few Thoughts on Confidence

I wrote a thing. Bagels post on the relationship fallacy got me thinking about confidence so I wrote this little post on it.

Playing Favorites

Another, more fun thing I wrote. Counting down my favorite superheroes.

I have to pass a bunch of tests over the next 8 days

Well I hope I don't mess up

Oh god gotta go soon hnnnnng please don't fail today's test or i am cry

You can do it man!

 

[BlazinAm]

A shout-out to Colin. Just keep on remembering that no matter what you are

I really don't like the Miz, like really hate him.

 

[jdavid459]

hey guys...cutting back on my effexor (trying to stop all together). I started at 150mg cut to 75mg for a week or two, and now I am doing 37.5/day.

I am getting really dizzy, feeling tired, apathetic and bored. Is this normal? How long until it completely leaves system, no more medication related side effects?

 

[Collete]

I have a good feeling I'm the poster now that always posts about being depressed and everyone dreads that person now.
Eh. Partially I don't care but it sucks, well at least the day I vanish from this world will be the blissful moment of everyone's life.

 

[Various Artists]

I have a good feeling I'm the poster now that always posts about being depressed and everyone dreads that person now.
Eh. Partially I don't care but it sucks, well at least the day I vanish from this world will be the blissful moment of everyone's life.

Nah man, keep yo head up. Things will get better. Get away from your computer and get some fresh air.

 

[Windam]

How little or how much do you eat?

For my age and height, I guess not much. I'm 18 and around 5'10 and weight about 110-115lbs (it fluctuates and never goes over). :/

People can be insensitive gits about dumb stuff. At best, the guy may have been trying to "joke" with you and thought he was being dudebro friendly, but more than likely he was just being an ass. I know it's not easy but having a "rolls eyes" attitude toward this kind of behaviour is what I personally find works best for me.

Also, I love you avy and have never told you. <3

If you ever want resume advice/help I do resume workshops for people semi-professionally, as long as I'm not asked to come up with something at the last minute when I'm super busy. PM me? ^__^

Ha I wish it were just dudebros. Nah, it's my family that says this to me: mom, sister, cousins. They just go straight for the throat and pretty much emasculate me by pointing out how skinny I am, hoping it'll make me eat more. Yeah, right. If I'm not hungry, I can't eat. No kind of attitude works when it's family. :/

Also, thanks! It isn't my favourite, but it's what I'm sticking with as of now since they took away our animated avatars. ;__;

My resume is really pathetic; I really have nothing to add on to it, but I'll definitely take you up on your offer.

 

[Bagels]

A Wizard Did It: A Few Thoughts on Confidence

I wrote a thing. Bagels post on the relationship fallacy got me thinking about confidence so I wrote this little post on it.

Playing Favorites

Another, more fun thing I wrote. Counting down my favorite superheroes.


You can do it man!

Hey ReiGun - I really enjoyed both entries! Thanks for posting those! I'm working on some thoughts on confidence/self worth and building healthy relationships. Those should go up soon.

Ultimate Spider-Man is what got me into superhero comics, so Spidey has a special place in my heart, too.

 

[freddy]

hey guys...cutting back on my effexor (trying to stop all together). I started at 150mg cut to 75mg for a week or two, and now I am doing 37.5/day.

I am getting really dizzy, feeling tired, apathetic and bored. Is this normal? How long until it completely leaves system, no more medication related side effects?

About 3 weeks to 1 month for me after I stopped taking it but you seem to be tailing it down really slowly so maybe longer.