Mental Health |OT| Depression & Co.

Status
Not open for further replies.
So, I just stumbled across this thread (I don't post much on the OT community side of GAF, but I do read it from time to time) and read the OP and skimmed a couple of pages.

This seems like just the type of thread I need. I have clinical depression and SAD, and am generally an introverted person on top of it. I've tried several medicines and have tried one-on-one therapy, but nothing seems to be working, at least not the way I'd like it to be. I kinda want to post a "journal entry" of sorts that I wrote up a few weeks back when I was feeling especially shitty. But I don't know if I have the balls, and I don't know if it would fit in this thread since a lot of it (over half) deals with why I think I feel so shitty, which is my lack of ever having a relationship. I don't want to try to make this thread about relationship issues, so I feel like posting it would make it off topic.
 
thoseAREmySHOES said:
So, I just stumbled across this thread (I don't post much on the OT community side of GAF, but I do read it from time to time) and read the OP and skimmed a couple of pages.

This seems like just the type of thread I need. I have clinical depression and SAD, and am generally an introverted person on top of it. I've tried several medicines and have tried one-on-one therapy, but nothing seems to be working, at least not the way I'd like it to be. I kinda want to post a "journal entry" of sorts that I wrote up a few weeks back when I was feeling especially shitty. But I don't know if I have the balls, and I don't know if it would fit in this thread since a lot of it (over half) deals with why I think I feel so shitty, which is my lack of ever having a relationship. I don't want to try to make this thread about relationship issues, so I feel like posting it would make it off topic.
Click to expand...

If you read a couple pages of this thread, you'll see that you wouldn't be the first and won't be the last. Your reasons are as good as anyone's and you're always welcome to share. Either here, or over PM/IRC/chat.

Trin said:
That's my birthday! :)

Stay strong, Fiction. You are an amazing person and I know you can overcome any challenge. I seriously respect and admire the heck out of you. If you're still thinking about doing the work we talked about before, please feel free to message me any time. The invitation is always open whenever you wish to give it a try <3

I don't post here a lot, but I read almost every page. Thanks everyone for the sage advice and all of the openness and support. It's helped more than you know and more than I've had a chance to say.
Click to expand...

Trin!

-hides in corner-
 
Some people don't like Katy Perry.

I am not one of those people.

Song rec of the day is 'ROAR' by Katy Perry.

I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter, dancing through the fire
Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me ROAR
Louder, louder than a lion
Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me ROAR
 
Smiley90 said:
If you read a couple pages of this thread, you'll see that you wouldn't be the first and won't be the last. Your reasons are as good as anyone's and you're always welcome to share. Either here, or over PM/IRC/chat.
Click to expand...

Thanks, I definitely need to read more of it. This is one of those threads that skimming just won't cut it.
 
thoseAREmySHOES said:
Thanks, I definitely need to read more of it. This is one of those threads that skimming just won't cut it.
Click to expand...

Just read the first page and the last few pages, if you don't want to read the whole one. That way you'll be most up-to-date on what's up in some people's lives, and get a few examples of more journal-like posts.

Looking for a new apartment is very, very stressful. Ugh.
 
I feel like my relationship with my family is dying. I don't understand them and they don't understand me.

I feel so alone living here. Like nothing I do matters. I feel like my life is over.
 
I got it. It doesn't pay or anything, but I'm going to keep at it. Least till they tell me they don't need me anymore.

But really, I don't see the point. Like my mom told me today, I have to grow up. I only wanted to be a writer because it's all I've ever felt I was even remotely good at it. But it's all for naught, really. I really don't think I have a chance. Feels like no one in my life really cares about anything I have to say about anything.

I'm so lonely living here. My family doesn't understand me and I don't understand them and I think we're all just tired of trying. I just need to hurry up, find some dead end job, and wait for it to slowly kill me.

I realize I could have been trying harder to find work. I could have said it was because I've spent most of this year in a puddle of self-loathing and depression, but that's just an excuse. Really, I'm just lazy and useless and nothing I do makes a difference. I got turned down for a job at fucking Sears. Sears! I have a damned degree and I can't even get a job at a fucking retail store.

Speaking of, what did I even go to college for? To spend five years realizing I had no idea what I wanted to do in my life? I didn't build any kind of network or valuable skills. I didn't cultivate any relationships of meaning or chart a course for my future. I just did what I always do: coasted along doing the bare minimum, never thinking ahead or taking control of my life.

No one cares about my goals and dreams. No one wants to talk to me about who I am and what I like. I'm nothing but a burden to everyone I know.

I hate being like this. I know once I move out, it's over with my family. I'll probably never see them again. I'll just move away and be forgotten about. Destined to spend my life alone. And the sad part is I'm the only one who cares. Why do I even care?
 
jb1234 said:
Yeah, I know. I often feel that way with writing music. I know that my close friends are going to love my work (or at least pretend to). And I like getting their praise, I'll admit but there's still a certain frustration, how I wish that people less biased would also stand up and take note. But that doesn't mean that the work still isn't worth doing.
Click to expand...

I enjoy your stuff and I know some others here do too, no pretending from my end. I don't actively seek out the type of music you play either, so I like to think I'm mostly not biased. I know good stuff when I hear it. Genuinely looking forward to the fast piece you let me hear, that deserves to be finished.
 
ReiGun said:
I got it. It doesn't pay or anything, but I'm going to keep at it. Least till they tell me they don't need me anymore.

But really, I don't see the point. Like my mom told me today, I have to grow up. I only wanted to be a writer because it's all I've ever felt I was even remotely good at it. But it's all for naught, really. I really don't think I have a chance. Feels like no one in my life really cares about anything I have to say about anything.

I'm so lonely living here. My family doesn't understand me and I don't understand them and I think we're all just tired of trying. I just need to hurry up, find some dead end job, and wait for it to slowly kill me.

I realize I could have been trying harder to find work. I could have said it was because I've spent most of this year in a puddle of self-loathing and depression, but that's just an excuse. Really, I'm just lazy and useless and nothing I do makes a difference. I got turned down for a job at fucking Sears. Sears! I have a damned degree and I can't even get a job at a fucking retail store.

Speaking of, what did I even go to college for? To spend five years realizing I had no idea what I wanted to do in my life? I didn't build any kind of network or valuable skills. I didn't cultivate any relationships of meaning or chart a course for my future. I just did what I always do: coasted along doing the bare minimum, never thinking ahead or taking control of my life.

No one cares about my goals and dreams. No one wants to talk to me about who I am and what I like. I'm nothing but a burden to everyone I know.

I hate being like this. I know once I move out, it's over with my family. I'll probably never see them again. I'll just move away and be forgotten about. Destined to spend my life alone. And the sad part is I'm the only one who cares. Why do I even care?
Click to expand...
It's a tough situation if you feel your family doesn't care, but that's not necessarily the case. Obviously I don't know your situation but have you tried talking more about it? Sharing the struggle you're feeling? It could be that your mom or someone had similar thoughts and struggles. I don't believe they don't care about you though. It takes a truly awful person to not love their own, especially like this.

You're still young, the thought of hurrying a dead end job just to live out the cycle is ridiculous! I'm in the same situation, I'll get back to that in a second.

It's incredibly discouraging to be turned down from jobs, I'm still living it. If it gets to be too much spend a day out in the sun reading or writing, walking, staying active. It's hard to do, I am incredibly lazy as well but I've been trying to get out more and trying to stay as proactive as I can. It's something I learned on my trip last month. Staying active does a lot of good for my head, so I hope it can do the same for you.

The paragraph about why did you go to school. Well, I spent 5 years as well. I also feel I have nothing to show for it, limited contacts, networks, no idea what I want to do, everything. What I have learned though from speaking to people who are in various stages of their life, age, career, everything, is that most people have no idea what they want. The one internship I did have during school, the CEO of this start up company told me exactly that. He had been the head of many companies, a successful guy in his 40's, and he told me he is still trying to figure out what he wants to do in life. That was a bit hard for me to swallow but I believed it.

What I'm trying to say in that block of wordy words is that you shouldn't feel like you wasted college because you don't know what you want from life, it's incredibly rare anyone feels that way. Even if they do, it's likely to change not far after. Life is crazy that way.

I'd be happy to talk to you man! Gosh I struggle with that sense of being a burden on people, it's why I did so little in college. Everyone seemed so busy with their own stuff, why should I have added to it? I hope you realize it's not true soon. I've started to and it's helped a lot.

Really though I'd be happy to talk.
 
DJ Lushious said:
Actually, heidern is close to the mark. My social worker explained it pretty well to me yesterday. He said sometimes you have to fake it. And by faking it, you find it changes your feelings within. Basically, instead of projecting how you feel on the inside, you do the inverse. So, instead of acting mopey and depressed, because you are mopey and depressed, you act happy and confident and you find yourself after a time feeling happy and confident.
Click to expand...

You can deliberately use positive body language to change you feelings and make them more positive, but that's just a tactic. You can also do it the other way round and just deliberately feel confident. If you do that and maintain that feeling then you will find you exhibit more positive body language. If you feel confident you'll stand up taller, you'll look up proudly, you won't shy away from eye contact, you'll say what you have to say more clearly

Ultimately, it is that feeling that is the issue. People have this confused view on confidence, like it's some magical hard to understand entity. But it's not. Confidence is just a feeling. If you feel confident, then you are confident. It really is that simple.
 
heidern said:
You can deliberately use positive body language to change you feelings and make them more positive, but that's just a tactic. You can also do it the other way round and just deliberately feel confident. If you do that and maintain that feeling then you will find you exhibit more positive body language. If you feel confident you'll stand up taller, you'll look up proudly, you won't shy away from eye contact, you'll say what you have to say more clearly

Ultimately, it is that feeling that is the issue. People have this confused view on confidence, like it's some magical hard to understand entity. But it's not. Confidence is just a feeling. If you feel confident, then you are confident. It really is that simple.
Click to expand...

It really isn't as simple as you're making it out to be. It's like telling someone that is depressed to "just feel happy and you will be". Having low self esteem can be a pretty common one for those with depression, which goes hand in hand with confidence. And people will have varied and valid reasons for feeling that way. It isn't just a feeling that comes from nowhere. With your feelings, there is almost always a source, especially long term one's like this. The only way to truly improve on your self confidence is by breaking down the key reasons that give you those feelings, and to address them properly. Pretending something is true when it isn't is not the answer, that's living a lie.
 
Colin. said:
I enjoy your stuff and I know some others here do too, no pretending from my end. I don't actively seek out the type of music you play either, so I like to think I'm mostly not biased. I know good stuff when I hear it. Genuinely looking forward to the fast piece you let me hear, that deserves to be finished.
Click to expand...

Thanks, man. I really appreciate that.
 
The Lamp said:
So I got off the Lexapro after freaking out because my dick was numb and praying that wouldn't be permanent. I'm almost back to normal now but not totally there.

My doctor prescribed Effexor now hoping I wouldn't have the same side effects.

On one hand, I read on the Internet from many people that the drug is very difficult to get off of and that it still causes sexual dysfunction and genital anesthesia. On the other hand, my psychiatrist says that it's a very safe medication to taper off of and that it shouldn't cause any permanent sexual side effects and that it's less likely to cause any sexual side effects than Lexapro.

So I'm caught between listening to lots of testimonials on the Internet and trusting this resident psychiatrist with my long term health. As an anxious person I'm just prone to worry about anything like this.

I guess I could try the med.. I just don't want any permanent problems...
Click to expand...

The internet exaggerates by selection bias, meaning those who have had negative experiences will be the louder voices. All SSRI's exhibit some form of sexual dysfunction as a side effect, but the severity depends on the person. For me, it was just a couple of weeks while I got used to it. You may also want to talk to your psych about adding another drug such as Wellbutrin. I haven't read any of the scientific literature supporting permanent effects due to SSRI's

Effexor is an SNRI, it works both on seratonin uptake and norepinephrine. This is why it is probably less likely to cause sexual dysfunction symptoms.

Also, sexual dysfunction is already a side-effect of depression.

The current generation of anti-depressants are pretty "safe" as in they have very little toxic effects:

The older antidepressant drugs in this class exhibit a variety of adverse side effects, most of which are related to their secondary pharmacological actions on targets other than the monoamine transporters. Whereas some of these side effects are uncomfortable but not serious, others are life threatening, and the tricyclic antidepressants (TCAs) have only a narrow therapeutic index. Serious toxicity can occur at doses that are only two to six times therapeutic. TCA overdose was among the most common causes of drug-related deaths in the United States in the early 1980s. The most serious effects of the older drugs are due to direct quinidine-like actions on the heart, interfering with normal conduction and causing prolongation of the QRS or QT interval. Death is most commonly due to cardiac arrhythmia and arrest. Other toxic effects include respiratory depression, delirium, seizures, shock, and coma. In therapeutic doses, the TCAs also cause a variety of less serious unwanted side effects, including cholinergic side effects such as dry mouth and urinary retention, and also histamine H1 receptor and &#945; adrenoceptor-related sedation. Orthostatic hypotension is another side effect related to &#945;1-adrenergic blockade, possibly causing syncope and falls in the elderly. Another unwanted feature of the older drugs is their tendency to cause significant weight gain, which may reduce patient compliance with the drug treatment regime. Sexual dysfunction may also be associated with tricyclic use; however, these effects are much more common in patients treated with the newer SSRIs.
Click to expand...

Iversen, Leslie; Iversen, Susan; Bloom, Floyd E.; Roth, Robert H. (2008-11-10). Introduction to Neuropsychopharmacology (Kindle Locations 5659-5670). Oxford University Press. Kindle Edition.​


Oh, btw thanks Bagels for recommending those books.

Information about Effexor can be found here:
http://www.drugs.com/pro/effexor.html
 
The thread about the guy ending his life at 60 really got me down. Not just because it's sad, but because I've actually always felt the same way, from when I was little. I don't want to grow super old and possibly die from some disease or whatnot. I'd rather die young, or control how/when I go. Lately the suicidal feelings have been welling up again and I've taken to trying to push them away by buying stupid shit that I think I would like. It never works, and I always feel worse after.
 
Windam said:
The thread about the guy ending his life at 60 really got me down. Not just because it's sad, but because I've actually always felt the same way, from when I was little. I don't want to grow super old and possibly die from some disease or whatnot. I'd rather die young, or control how/when I go. Lately the suicidal feelings have been welling up again and I've taken to trying to push them away by buying stupid shit that I think I would like. It never works, and I always feel worse after.
Click to expand...

I've been doing the same thing myself. Sometimes randomly buying clothes i might never wear or stuff on amazon just to buy it. After it arrives then the feeling makes me feel more down.
 
Insomnia night again. Very irritable. I have $3.00 on me but nowhere nearby where I can buy sleep/allergy/nighttime cold medicine cheap. The insomnia thing is getting very, very bad with me. I'm lucky to get 6 hours of sleep one night a week. Most nights it seems I'm getting around 4. I've even looked around the house trying to find any medicine that could knock me out. Any home remedy or something.

On top of this, it's not doing good for my appetite. Right now I'm just desiring a junk food meal aka McDonald's or something instead of home prepared food.
 
Darkmakaimura said:
Insomnia night again. Very irritable. I have $3.00 on me but nowhere nearby where I can buy sleep/allergy/nighttime cold medicine cheap. The insomnia thing is getting very, very bad with me. I'm lucky to get 6 hours of sleep one night a week. Most nights it seems I'm getting around 4. I've even looked around the house trying to find any medicine that could knock me out. Any home remedy or something.

On top of this, it's not doing good for my appetite. Right now I'm just desiring a junk food meal aka McDonald's or something instead of home prepared food.
Click to expand...

Talk to your doctor about taking Remeron for sleep. Shit has been a miracle cure for my insomnia.
 
After getting invaluable insight from Colin, Bugs, and FillerB, I want to give this another try. This is a topic that bears more attention, for the good of each of us and for the health of the thread.

gkcIP6B.jpg
Click to expand...

This thread has always been a place where people can vent about their issues and get some support and advice. Now, I want to discuss the difference between venting and talking shit about yourself. Venting is about the issues and feelings that are getting you down. When you vent, the best thing that can happen is that you'll feel a bit better, people can relate, and maybe they can help you. On the other hand, what do you hope to accomplish by simply publicly bashing yourself ("I'm a loser," "fuck my life," etc) in the thread/on Twitter/on Facebook? The BEST that can happen is someone will say, "you're not a loser," which will make you say, "No, I am" in return, ad infinitum. It hurts you, it tires out and drives off the people who care, it makes the thread a totally negative place, and it can even hurt others. So please, try to stop yourself from talking shit about yourself in the thread. It's a first step to building some self esteem and putting yourself in a position to form healthy relationships. Please, please, please TRY to keep the self hate out of anything that other people can see.

What do people think? Is there a better best case scenario when you post "I am a loser"? Discuss! I'm begging you!

I'll use my little banner if people continue to talk shit about themselves. It really has to stop. It's not to shame you or chastise you - it's just to make you realize that you're doing it and make you ask yourself, "what do I expect to get out of posting this?"
gkcIP6B.jpg


Twjrq9u.jpg
Click to expand...
 
Darkmakaimura said:
Never heard of Remeron. Going to check that out.
Click to expand...

Remeron (mirtazapine) is an antidepressant with a unique structure (it's a tetracyclic). You won't take it as a sleep aid, but rather as your primary antidepressant, with any sleep effects as a bonus.

[With personal stories, YMMV rather a lot] I can't recall if it helped my sleep - I think it might have? The big side effect is weight gain. I literally could not get full, so I just ate everything in the house. It's nice if low appetite is an issue, but I gained 15 pounds and could not continue with it.
 
Made the bad choice of going to the library today to read and study. Since the library is in Copley I was innodated with gay couples almost everywhere. Ugh now I feel 100times worse than I did when I left the house.

I'm such a loser not even able to date or anything.
 
Bagels said:
Remeron (mirtazapine) is an antidepressant with a unique structure (it's a tetracyclic). You won't take it as a sleep aid, but rather as your primary antidepressant, with any sleep effects as a bonus.

[With personal stories, YMMV rather a lot] I can't recall if it helped my sleep - I think it might have? The big side effect is weight gain. I literally could not get full, so I just ate everything in the house. It's nice if low appetite is an issue, but I gained 15 pounds and could not continue with it.
Click to expand...

What would you recommend for sleep if you weren't symptomatic otherwise? Sleeping pills seem addictive to me.
 
neojubei said:
Made the bad choice of going to the library today to read and study. Since the library is in Copley I was innodated with gay couples almost everywhere. Ugh now I feel 100times worse than I did when I left the house.

I'm such a loser not even able to date or anything.
Click to expand...

People can tell when you're hungry. It's weird and makes people feel uncomfortable. Just act natural, fly casual, and you'll be a-ok. (I assume. I'm not gay so I guess I wouldn't know).
 
neojubei said:
Made the bad choice of going to the library today to read and study. Since the library is in Copley I was innodated with gay couples almost everywhere. Ugh now I feel 100times worse than I did when I left the house.

I'm such a loser not even able to date or anything.
Click to expand...

That is a new record for my post being ignored. :/
 
Bagels said:
Remeron (mirtazapine) is an antidepressant with a unique structure (it's a tetracyclic). You won't take it as a sleep aid, but rather as your primary antidepressant, with any sleep effects as a bonus.

[With personal stories, YMMV rather a lot] I can't recall if it helped my sleep - I think it might have? The big side effect is weight gain. I literally could not get full, so I just ate everything in the house. It's nice if low appetite is an issue, but I gained 15 pounds and could not continue with it.
Click to expand...
Thank you, Bagels.

In a previous post, I was mentioning how weight gain won't be an issue for me since I'm already rather skinny. In some respects, it would be a blessing.

Anyways, update on my getting sleep meds. I was able to get out and get to a dollar store. Picked up two Night Time Cold syrup meds and a bottle of sleeping pills (diphenhydramine hci 25mg) so I'm hoping I have some good sleep the next few days.
 
ClassyPenguin said:
You can take OTC drugs such as diphenhydramine, an anti-histamine. It's the active ingredient in stuff like zzQuil, Unisom, etc.
Click to expand...

ClassyPenguin knows what's up - that well-thumbed copy of Introduction to Neuropsychopharmacology shows he means business (going to post more about that book soon).

Diphenhydramine is Benadryl and, as Classy points out, basically every over the counter sleep aid is just something mixed with Benadryl. You can save some cash by just buying generic diphenhydramine.

I've had good luck with melatonin, which is in the supplement/vitamin/not-really-medicine aisle. Classy had no luck with it. The studies are kind of split. It's at least cheap and safe, so it might be worth a shot.

Just to illustrate the difficulty with supplements, valerian root is a well known herbal supplement with calming and sleep-promoting effects. It has some benzo-like chemistry, it turns out. I've tried it and I actually get a paradoxical reaction. It makes me MORE anxious. That can happen with meds, too (some people experience MORE pain when they take certain narcotics), but the problem is worse with unregulated supplements, as I don't know if the dose is way off, or it's the formulation I tried..."Natural" remedies seem better, in some vague way, to most people, but there are a lot of issues with using these products.
 
neojubei said:
Because I've always felt that way
Click to expand...

That's a decidedly unhelpful way to put it.

Why have you always felt like a loser?
What makes you feel like a loser?
What have you done to make yourself feel less so?
How do you expect people to notice you, to accept you, to love you if the only fucking thing you do is whine and bitch about how much you suck?
How do you expect people in this thread to help you if you refuse to help yourself?
 
NOT TAKING A THOUGHT SERIOUSLY

Bring to mind a thought that normally upsets you, that takes the form “I am X” (for example, “I am inadequate”). Hold that thought in your mind and notice how it affects you. Now bring to mind the thought, “I am a banana!” Hold it in your mind and notice how it affects you. What did you notice? Most people find that the first thought bothers them but the second thought makes them grin. Why? Because you don’t take the second thought seriously. But if the words following “I am” are “a loser,” “a failure,” “a fat pig,” or “a boring person,” instead of “a banana,” we attach far more importance to them. And yet, they are all just words. The following two techniques provide simple ways of taking your thoughts less seriously.

THANKING YOUR MIND

This is a simple and effective defusion technique. When your mind starts coming up with those same old stories, simply thank it. You could say to yourself (silently) things such as, “Thank you, Mind! How very informative!” or “Thanks for sharing!” or “Is that right? How fascinating!” or simply, “Thanks, Mind!” When thanking your mind, don’t do it sarcastically or aggressively. Do it with warmth and humor and with a genuine appreciation for the amazing storytelling ability of your mind. (You could also combine this technique with Naming the Story: “Ah yes, the ‘I’m a failure’ story. Thanks so much, Mind!”) Below is another technique that will help you take your thoughts less seriously. Read through the instructions first and then give it a go.

THE SILLY VOICES TECHNIQUE

This technique is particularly good with recurrent negative self-judgments. Find a thought that upsets or bothers you. Focus on the thought for ten seconds, believing it as much as possible. Notice how it affects you. Then pick an animated cartoon character with a humorous voice, such as Mickey Mouse, Bugs Bunny, Shrek, or Homer Simpson. Now bring the troubling thought to mind, but “hear” it in the cartoon character’s voice, as if that character were speaking your thoughts out loud. Notice what happens. Now get the negative thought back in its original form and again believe it as much as possible. Notice how it affects you.
Next pick a different cartoon character or a character from a movie or television show. Consider fantasy characters such as Darth Vader, Yoda, Gollum, or someone from your favorite sitcom, or actors with distinctive voices, such as Arnold Schwarzenegger or Eddie Murphy. Once again bring the distressing thought to mind and “hear” it in that voice. Notice what happens. After doing this exercise and then repeating it, you’ve probably found that you’re not taking that negative thought quite so seriously. You may even have found yourself grinning or chuckling. Notice that you haven’t tried to change the thought, get rid of it, argue with it, push it away, debate whether it’s true or false, replace it with a more positive thought, or distract yourself from it in any way. You have merely seen it for what it is: a bit of language. By taking that segment of language and hearing it in a different voice, you become aware that it is nothing more than a string of words—and thus, it loses its impact.

Harris, Russ; Hayes, Steven (2011-03-15). The Happiness Trap: A guide to ACT: the mindfulness-based program for reducing stress, overcoming fear, and creating a rich and meaningful life (Kindle Locations 834-866). Shambhala Publications. Kindle Edition.
 
Bagels said:
Twjrq9u.jpg
Click to expand...

FillerB said:
That's a decidedly unhelpful way to put it.

Why have you always felt like a loser?
What makes you feel like a loser?
What have you done to make yourself feel less so?
How do you expect people to notice you, to accept you, to love you if the only fucking thing you do is whine and bitch about how much you suck?
How do you expect people in this thread to help you if you refuse to help yourself?
Click to expand...

I'm not a good person or someone anyone would want to date or be friends with. I already how my future will look I'll be older alone and more depressed. if I was struck by a train no one would notice. I lack the courage to commit suicide which makes me even more upset

I'm tired of being attracted to guys. It's like life wants me to suffer even more. Guys don't like me then why should I have such strong emotions for them. I hate every fiber of my being. I'm not attractive at all why do I even exist in this world and have these emotions. There are times I want to sign up for one of those exgay ministries that turn gays straight or whatever. They can fry my brain if they want to. I feel like punching myself in the face when I see a guy I like.
 
Bagels said:
After getting invaluable insight from Colin, Bugs, and FillerB, I want to give this another try. This is a topic that bears more attention, for the good of each of us and for the health of the thread.



This thread has always been a place where people can vent about their issues and get some support and advice. Now, I want to discuss the difference between venting and talking shit about yourself. Venting is about the issues and feelings that are getting you down. When you vent, the best thing that can happen is that you'll feel a bit better, people can relate, and maybe they can help you. On the other hand, what do you hope to accomplish by simply publicly bashing yourself ("I'm a loser," "fuck my life," etc) in the thread/on Twitter/on Facebook? The BEST that can happen is someone will say, "you're not a loser," which will make you say, "No, I am" in return, ad infinitum. It hurts you, it tires out and drives off the people who care, it makes the thread a totally negative place, and it can even hurt others. So please, try to stop yourself from talking shit about yourself in the thread. It's a first step to building some self esteem and putting yourself in a position to form healthy relationships. Please, please, please TRY to keep the self hate out of anything that other people can see.

What do people think? Is there a better best case scenario when you post "I am a loser"? Discuss! I'm begging you!

I'll use my little banner if people continue to talk shit about themselves. It really has to stop. It's not to shame you or chastise you - it's just to make you realize that you're doing it and make you ask yourself, "what do I expect to get out of posting this?"
Click to expand...

I absolutely agree with the venting/bashing stuff. I honestly can't see a way trashing yourself can lead to something positive, other than using it to fish for self validation.

I don't think that kind of fishing for compliments is useful either to combat self esteem, it's really an internal skillset that you need to develop.
Our self esteem really hinges on two things: How other people treat us and how we treat ourselves. Posting stuff like "I am a loser" literally harms those two very ideas.

That said, the very nature of mental illness does make this super hard, I know that. It warps our minds and messes with our thoughts. But taking a proactive approach and trying to actively stop posting and thinking about the self hate is a good way to combat this I think. When I have thoughts like that I try to take a moment and think of a positive thing about myself, just to remind myself that I am not all negative and worthless.

I really liked the advice cooper posted a while ago, so I am going to just quote that again: You are stronger than your brain is telling you!

Sorry if this post is a mess, I am half asleep and eating an ice cream sandwich.
 
neojubei said:
I'm not a good person or someone anyone would want to date or be friends with. I already how my future will look I'll be older alone and more depressed. if I was struck by a train no one would notice. I lack the courage to commit suicide which makes me even more upset

I'm tired of being attracted to guys. It's like life wants me to suffer even more. Guys don't like me then why should I have such strong emotions for them. I hate every fiber of my being. I'm not attractive at all why do I even exist in this world and have these emotions. There are times I want to sign up for one of those exgay ministries that turn gays straight or whatever. They can fry my brain if they want to. I feel like punching myself in the face when I see a guy I like.
Click to expand...
So long as you're not hurting anyone, be attracted to whoever and whatever you want and don't let that put you down. Being straight, I have issues when it comes to the opposite sex. I've had one relationship in almost four decades of living. That's pretty pathetic even for ugliees and dummies like myself.

I'm a terrible advice giver. I couldn't help someone out of a paper bag with the issues I have but all I can try and recommend to you is maybe getting out, visiting some clubs and, maybe, if you're able to handle it, have a few drinks to loosen up. Also, I think there's a gay GAF thread. Have you tried posting there to meet people maybe? Again, I'm straight so if this sounds idiotic, it's probably because it is, but one advantage you might have is that the gay community might be more stronger in regards to the support of one another due to prejudice and homophobia. Maybe if you try and go out and find some groups and whatnot, you will find someone. Again, I'm ignorant in regards to this but I'm just throwing some stuff out that may help you. There's no reason you should have to give up who you really are as a person, unless of course it's something that's hurting others (and of course, you're not).

I hope I'm not sounding hypocritical or ignorant. I've personally given up trying in regards to a significant other. I'm just thinking you might have a slight advantage and using that, you can find the happiness you really want. You don't want to die. I don't really want to die. What we want is happiness.
 
I love you humbugs.

I've been doing a similar thing but with my punk music as a teen. No Cash in particular, which I haven't heard in years, and Choking Victim. Similarly helped so much to let it out in high school.

I liked your post Classy.
 
Oomikami said:
I did this ages ago but didn't post it here....so...:
Click to expand...

Oomi, I love this one! I know I've said it before but I want you to paint my apartment.

On another note.. Some late night/early morning thoughts.
I really just want to go away and not give a single fuck about anything except being in sync with the tune that's flowing through me.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Qf0lEE8iBU

Been hiding, breaking out, back to hiding. I know I feel better when I don't hide. I know hiding is the easy way out. So tired..
 
If anyone plays WoW, or Starcraft or anything, you should add me on Battle.net and play WoW with me for a bit. Could be fun, I think. (I... bought a 60 day time card today. DON'T JUDGE ME! D:)
 
swecide said:
On another note.. Some late night/early morning thoughts.
I really just want to go away and not give a single fuck about anything except being in sync with the tune that's flowing through me.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Qf0lEE8iBU

Been hiding, breaking out, back to hiding. I know I feel better when I don't hide. I know hiding is the easy way out. So tired..
Click to expand...
Keep trying to break out. Even if your brain is complaining about it, just get out the door and go. This song is fucking lovely for grabbing the coat and going on a walk. Really dig it.

With that said I'm actually off, funny timing.
 
AcridMeat said:
It's a tough situation if you feel your family doesn't care, but that's not necessarily the case. Obviously I don't know your situation but have you tried talking more about it? Sharing the struggle you're feeling? It could be that your mom or someone had similar thoughts and struggles. I don't believe they don't care about you though. It takes a truly awful person to not love their own, especially like this.

You're still young, the thought of hurrying a dead end job just to live out the cycle is ridiculous! I'm in the same situation, I'll get back to that in a second.

It's incredibly discouraging to be turned down from jobs, I'm still living it. If it gets to be too much spend a day out in the sun reading or writing, walking, staying active. It's hard to do, I am incredibly lazy as well but I've been trying to get out more and trying to stay as proactive as I can. It's something I learned on my trip last month. Staying active does a lot of good for my head, so I hope it can do the same for you.

The paragraph about why did you go to school. Well, I spent 5 years as well. I also feel I have nothing to show for it, limited contacts, networks, no idea what I want to do, everything. What I have learned though from speaking to people who are in various stages of their life, age, career, everything, is that most people have no idea what they want. The one internship I did have during school, the CEO of this start up company told me exactly that. He had been the head of many companies, a successful guy in his 40's, and he told me he is still trying to figure out what he wants to do in life. That was a bit hard for me to swallow but I believed it.

What I'm trying to say in that block of wordy words is that you shouldn't feel like you wasted college because you don't know what you want from life, it's incredibly rare anyone feels that way. Even if they do, it's likely to change not far after. Life is crazy that way.

I'd be happy to talk to you man! Gosh I struggle with that sense of being a burden on people, it's why I did so little in college. Everyone seemed so busy with their own stuff, why should I have added to it? I hope you realize it's not true soon. I've started to and it's helped a lot.

Really though I'd be happy to talk.
Click to expand...
Thanks for typing all that. And sure, I'd love to talk sometime.

I think my family loves me as family, but I don't think they like me very much. And I'm just so tired of having to fight and get into an argument every time I attempt to explain who I am and open up. Everything is an argument because they think everything I say is bullshit.

All I want is to feel like they believe in me. My mom acts like she's afraid of me, and they act as if everything that comes out of my mouth is gibberish.

I just don't feel like I can do anything here. I feel so trapped and uncomfortable in my own house. Like as long as I'm here, I'll never be able to do anything. But I know once I leave, my relationship with my family is pretty much over.

I'm just so tired of fighting for something that will never be as far as they're concerned.

As for a job and all that, I don't know. I guess I just feel like getting a regular job is it for me. Like I said, I have nothing. No skills or anything. Writing is the only thing I do somewhat well, but I know I'm going to stop once I have work to worry about. But like my mom said, I just have to grow up. Maybe that means letting go of dreaming and just do the responsible thing.

It's just infuriating the way they act like I haven't tried to find a job at all. they don't know what I do day to day, so their first instinct is to just assume I don't try at all. Like nothing I do matters.

I'm just so tired of everything. I just want to quit.
 
A member of my therapy group recommend that I go a club today. Looking at myself in mirror makes me see how horrible I look. Nothing seems to look right on me. I decided not to go. Who would even talk to me. I'll just be that loser of a guy at the bar or on the wall.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.

Similar threads

Oscars 2025 |OT|
2
75
4K
Zathalus replied
TV Shows You’ve Watched Lately |OT| - 2025
|OT| Community  2 3 4
174
9K
EerieArcade replied
Movies You’ve Watched Lately | OT | - 2025
|OT| Opinion Community  12 13 14 15 16
763
23K
AJUMP23 replied
Andor S2 |OT| Remember Star Wars?
2 3 4
193
4K
BadBurger replied
Incels need more mental health help, community is younger, more diverse and left leaning than previously thought
2 3
117
10K
nush replied
Top Bottom