Mental Health |OT| Depression & Co.

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I ran out of my Wellbutrin today and I won't have the cash to afford a refill on my prescription for a while. I'm worried about how it's going to affect my mood. This is the first day I've missed since I started my medication back in December.

The brain zaps suck. =/
 
I ran out of my Wellbutrin today and I won't have the cash to afford a refill on my prescription for a while. I'm worried about how it's going to affect my mood. This is the first day I've missed since I started my medication back in December.

Are you on generic? Because they should be about $10 in the US.
 
When you discontinue an SSRI abruptly, you can get this strange sensation in your head. It feels like little electrical zaps inside your skull. It's pretty terrible.

There should be an idiots guide to subjective descriptions of medications. A patient slang to prescriber handbook. The miscommunications have got to be tough.

I wonder if it's regional? The slang I mean.

I'm genuinely wondering aloud, I have no idea the scope of descriptions given by patients across the country and if there's sort of an universal language aquired by those needing care.
 
There should be an idiots guide to subjective descriptions of medications. A patient slang to prescriber handbook. The miscommunications have got to be tough.

I wonder if it's regional? The slang I mean.

I know that "brain zaps" is a pretty widely used term. It's sort of controversial, because patients use that description all the time, but there is some disagreement among physicians about whether or not it's actually a unique side effect (some docs claim it's just a headache or some crap. They are wrong).
 
My anxiety is through the roof. My head was all fucked up and cloudy when I woke up, but it's kind of better now, I think. Leaving home soon. D:
 
My anxiety is through the roof. My head was all fucked up and cloudy when I woke up, but it's kind of better now, I think. Leaving home soon. D:

You got this man. Remember the stuff we went over, take a breather, and just take each question one at a time.
 
Go kick some ass Windam!

So I mentioned in the chat a few times about a book I read last week: The Road Less Traveled. I feel as though its a great book about psychology and how/why you feel. I think it could be very helpful for depgaf as it uses patient examples to explain mental issues.

If anyone in depgaf likes to read, I recommend it! You may learn something about your issues and about yourself and may also fix some bad habits. It also deals with love and relationships too, and I know some of depgaf(myself included) have issues that mingle with that.

Check it out sometime!
 
My anxiety is through the roof. My head was all fucked up and cloudy when I woke up, but it's kind of better now, I think. Leaving home soon. D:

Super good luck~!

As for the part-time job thing: If you feel up to it, maybe I can help you get a position as a cashier or stock guy at Loblaws? XD No guarantees, since I don't really know how it would work, but it seems like we're hiring all the time anyway. Maybe even next summer if you think school will be too busy for you now. The work is easy as long as you don't mind it being really tedious (I know a lot of people have a bit of adhd or boredom issues though--me on the other hand, I'm usually just in my head most of the time so doing boring stuff for 8 hours is nothing lol).

And sorry everyone for not posting much lately~! I have been busy working and arting ++ I only usually jump in and say stuff when I feel there is a power void/lack of positive influence in the thread. lol That way, I feel useful instead of possibly saying dumb stuff that will contradict smarter people! XD

Anyone wanna see some art I did??
I am actually trying to get momentum again in doing one of my dream projects aka "things I wish I got done 3 years ago but dammit depression, you got in the way!"
So here are images of characters I did in the last week of a comic that I want to get started by the end of the year. And I really really REALLY hope I can finish this comic in the next 5 years and not fizzle out as I am wont to do.
Elly & Ennes with a background. omg backgrounds are hard this took me forever to do and I wish I were faster and better but oh well
elly_and_ennes_on_a_break_by_meibatsu-d6ikmlx.png


Sir Gaviel. haha look at him being all black and white and his hair it's so anime xD on the other hand he is hot so its ok
sir_gaviel_of_the_dual_knights_by_meibatsu-d6inivg.png


Dr. Kelsey.
dr__kelsey_the_supposed_medical_alchemist_by_meibatsu-d6iu8us.png

I will be back to say more things at some point~! But I'll say this stuff before I forget:

For the confidence and "I don't want to live a lie" problem:
Well, you gotta start somewhere!
If you're going to turn yourself into a self-fulfilling prophecy, then do it for the better, not the worse.
Yes, it is hard to change your mindset when it's so used to looking for failure or just being scared in general, so you need to learn to recognize when those negative thoughts happen and divert them somewhere else instead of stewing in them like you feel so comfortable in doing or always worrying that those thoughts will pop up again.

Because listen.

Those negative thoughts probably WILL pop up again. A lot.
Your brain trained itself to do that in one way or another, and as humans, we're prone to being very imaginative (in good and bad ways), so the brain's gonna brain, but you also have the ability to remind yourself "aha, that thought again! Anyway, put that aside and think this instead".
For me, the trick, the secret, the strategy is to NOT FREAK OUT when those irrational or negative thoughts appear. Instead try diverting with a positive thought, like "it'll work" or "I love you (as if you are someone saying it to yourself)" even if at the time you don't believe the positive thing to be true. Don't put a moral value on it and try to decipher what is a lie or if you're living a lie and thinking your worth is dependent on solving this very important puzzle. We're being technical and clinical here, and trying to balance out the negative with the positive to get on a neutral mental ground.

When I am on neutral mental ground, I am given more choice. I can see more possibilities and good and bad consequences and make appropriate decisions.

And this process isn't easy or instantaneous. It's mental training, and like regular physical training, sometimes it's better and much more effective to have a professional spotter or trainer by you to make sure you stay on task and get the results you want. It might take months or years or even decades, but progress is progress, even if you do slip up from time to time. For example, I am almost 30~ I've had a lot of weird ups and downs with trying to get over aspects of my social anxiety, especially after it finally started getting into bed with depression, but I think I can confidently say that I have improved over the last two decades and then some.

I recently recognized that I can ring the bell/signal for my bus stop without feeling weird/anxious as if I were "bothering" the people on the bus or the bus driver (as if they really even care c'mon brain, what were you thinking!). It's a small thing, but I'm pretty happy I see it and can share it with you. xD

Live life and do what you need to do to enjoy it.
 
I know that "brain zaps" is a pretty widely used term. It's sort of controversial, because patients use that description all the time, but there is some disagreement among physicians about whether or not it's actually a unique side effect (some docs claim it's just a headache or some crap. They are wrong).

For me, if I forget to tAke my meds a couple of days, it feels like a brief moment of disorientation
 
Despite MIkeDip's constant reassurances, I know I screwed up. Not as much as I thought I would, but I still did, I know it. I was grasping at straws for some answers, and I completely bombed the question worth the most marks (12) and that was more than half of my thinking/inquiry marks (22). Bleh. I'm so glad that shit is over. Anxiety is still here, though.

Super good luck~!

As for the part-time job thing: If you feel up to it, maybe I can help you get a position as a cashier or stock guy at Loblaws? XD No guarantees, since I don't really know how it would work, but it seems like we're hiring all the time anyway. Maybe even next summer if you think school will be too busy for you now. The work is easy as long as you don't mind it being really tedious (I know a lot of people have a bit of adhd or boredom issues though--me on the other hand, I'm usually just in my head most of the time so doing boring stuff for 8 hours is nothing lol).

Holy shit, you'd do that for me
again, kind of; CPU thing and all, which, by the way, thanks
? :o My resumé is pretty craptastic though. Even McDonald's hasn't replied. D':
 
[LJpost]I FINALLY have a day off work today. I've also been exercising a lot more again, now that I'm down to part-time hours. I went out twice yesterday- once for a long hike in the heat, again for another on trails, but more relaxed. I'm hoping it helps. I'm going for a run today, and then a hike with the pooch a bit after.

I've even considered joining a sports team but it's too late in the year, I believe.

I've got some bad cramps today, ugh. I might even have time to start working on my math and other course materials for September. I even had time to study my French and German a little bit after work yesterday.

I'm seeing a counsellor about once a month. I am pretty to-the-point in that I say I am high-strung and need help developing ways to relax and be less anxious. Also, I hate my uterus today. [/LJpost]
 
I'm absolutely furious since I've had to retype everything out again. I spent a fucking hour writing it. A fucking hour wasted. Fucking computers.

I didn't mean to offend in anyway, so I'm sorry if it came across like that. I realise I have my life ahead of me, but my brain tells me otherwise.

My job requires me to deliver to companies across the TV industry in London, so I certainly get a lot of exercise since I walk for at least 8 hours a day whilst carrying packages. I aim to go further by toning up, but it's the last thing I want to do when I get home from being on my feet all day. If I'm not too shattered I try and work on my art/animation portfolio, or music for the band. With social interaction I'm essentially forced into it with my job, which is a plus. My friends have said I've gotten more confident at speaking, but I still struggle to initiate conversation with strangers. This is a problem since I wish to make new friends, broaden my circles further, and potentially go on dates. It's rare but if I ever get a look from a girl my anxiety just kicks in and stops me from doing anything.

I've been applying to a lot of companies, and I hoped my new animation showreel would help but it hasn't. I applied to a junior/graduate animation position for a company I've tried to get into for a while now, but I didn't hear anything back. I looked into the people they hired, and without sounding too bigheaded their work isn't anything special. I just wish to break out of the current routine of my life and kickstart my career, but things are in the way of me doing that. It's upsetting. I just feel stuck in my current job, and I'm desperately trying to change that.

Anyway thanks for the advice! It means a lot to me.

Heh, the talking to strangers thing is my problem too. I'm find online, but fall off in face to face situations. I make new friends on the internet, then once I have some sort of grasp of who they are I meet them. It works for me.

You didn't offend at all. I was taking the mickey, because your situation seems so much less hopeless than mine :)
 
And sorry everyone for not posting much lately~! I have been busy working and arting ++ I only usually jump in and say stuff when I feel there is a power void/lack of positive influence in the thread.

I'm not sure I'm too happy about this.
 
If I remove the gay/relationship aspect of my life from the picture, I would say I feel pretty damn good.

If I add it back, though, it brings it down.
 
Anxiety has been getting pretty bad lately, especially when I drive. I'm so stressed when out in public, that at the end of the day, I feel exhausted when I get home. I've been developing gray hairs as well D:.
 
With all things social, I have struggled my entire life. Even with the basics like eye contact, and speaking out loud. As I got older, those basics did start to refine, but I never did quite develop to the point of normality, and probably never will. Sometimes you have a series of good luck, you feel like you've almost cracked it. Then you just fuck it up all over again, and are back to feeling like the odd one out in the world. It's tough going back and forth with that, feeling like your close to a point of normality, when in reality, you're so far away its ridiculous. Sometimes ponder if that was the real reason I got a hard time growing up, maybe my odd behavior was a burden to the point of resentment. And maybe that's the reason why I can't form friendships on my own either. Even toyed with the idea or trying to help other people recently. Me, helping anyone, what a joke. Such a mess myself, what the fuck could I do for anybody. Only work I'd be fit for is being thrown into the back of a warehouse somewhere, where I deal with no one.
 
With all things social, I have struggled my entire life. Even with the basics like eye contact, and speaking out loud. As I got older, those basics did start to refine, but I never did quite develop to the point of normality, and probably never will. Sometimes you have a series of good luck, you feel like you've almost cracked it. Then you just fuck it up all over again, and are back to feeling like the odd one out in the world. It's tough going back and forth with that, feeling like your close to a point of normality, when in reality, you're so far away its ridiculous. Sometimes ponder if that was the real reason I got a hard time growing up, maybe my odd behavior was a burden to the point of resentment. And maybe that's the reason why I can't form friendships on my own either. Even toyed with the idea or trying to help other people recently. Me, helping anyone, what a joke. Such a mess myself, what the fuck could I do for anybody. Only work I'd be fit for is being thrown into the back of a warehouse somewhere, where I deal with no one.


And yet you're one of the most consistently helpful people in the IRC channel. I think you really sell yourself short.
 
Classes start tomorrow, life is about to get real crazy. At least I won't just be reflecting all the time. Too bad I can't drink every night now....

Gonna try and not be so incompetent at everything I do this year.
 
Struggling so much to find the energy to do anything nowadays. Can't find it to read, write, or anything else. Always feel so damn tired. I hate that I'm so lazy. :/

In some good news, my mother has agreed to allow me to see a therapist. (I had to ask her since I'm still covered by her insurance. lol) Hopefully, I can find someone.
 
With all things social, I have struggled my entire life. Even with the basics like eye contact, and speaking out loud. As I got older, those basics did start to refine, but I never did quite develop to the point of normality, and probably never will. Sometimes you have a series of good luck, you feel like you've almost cracked it. Then you just fuck it up all over again, and are back to feeling like the odd one out in the world. It's tough going back and forth with that, feeling like your close to a point of normality, when in reality, you're so far away its ridiculous. Sometimes ponder if that was the real reason I got a hard time growing up, maybe my odd behavior was a burden to the point of resentment. And maybe that's the reason why I can't form friendships on my own either. Even toyed with the idea or trying to help other people recently. Me, helping anyone, what a joke. Such a mess myself, what the fuck could I do for anybody. Only work I'd be fit for is being thrown into the back of a warehouse somewhere, where I deal with no one.

I appreciate you tons, bro! I think you're pretty rad, and I don't think that about most people. You're better than you think, bro!
 
I've gone like two / three days without my medicine. I haven't noticed any change. Should I start experiencing the effects of going off my meds at this point or does this mean it never did anything for me to begin with?
 
I've gone like two / three days without my medicine. I haven't noticed any change. Should I start experiencing the effects of going off my meds at this point or does this mean it never did anything for me to begin with?

Who can say? You may have more delayed effects, but I'm guessing you're clear. As to what it means about the medications desired effects, there isn't really a relationship. The absence of side effects of any type means nothing about effectiveness.

Count yourself lucky you didn't get the brain zaps! That crap is no fun.
 
I've gone like two / three days without my medicine. I haven't noticed any change. Should I start experiencing the effects of going off my meds at this point or does this mean it never did anything for me to begin with?

A lot of the meds hang around on your system for a while (like Prozac). Not sure what you're taking but this could be the case

And congrats, Windam!
 
Mm. Sad thought - I just realized that if I died today, there are only two ways in which anyone on my friends list would find out... one, because my parents would cancel the lease in the place I'm living this semester, and the people I'm living with work with my friend and that'll gradually get around. Two, if my brother decides to post something about it

Struggling so much to find the energy to do anything nowadays. Can't find it to read, write, or anything else. Always feel so damn tired. I hate that I'm so lazy. :/

To quote my friend: "Don't call it something that it's not." It's probable that there are other issues that don't boil down to laziness.
 
It's a mechanism of disease in which we think no one cares, when in fact many people care.

That is not true. Many people do not know the exact details, or the mechanisms but do care. They just do not know how to deal with it.
 
It's a mechanism of disease in which we think no one cares, when in fact many people care.

That is not true. Many people do not know the exact details, or the mechanisms but do care. They just do not know how to deal with it.

If that was directed at me, I know that people would care. I'm saying that they'd be unlikely to find out, and it's probably my own fault.

I'm very much a solo act. I have friends and all, but I kind of come and go wherever without telling anyone and I'm not exactly the best at keeping in touch with a bunch of people. My friends have gotten angry at me for it before, but I feel like they've gotten used to it as time passed. So I could disappear for weeks or months on end - no responses to texts or fb messages or anything - and no one would know what happened.

Also, none of my closer friends have any sort of contact with my family, so they'd sort of be left to wonder.
 
If that was directed at me, I know that people would care. I'm saying that they'd be unlikely to find out, and it's probably my own fault.
I feel ya on this one. I live in a house by myself. If something were to happen to me, I would imagine work would be the first to come to suspect, but only after several days of not showing up.

Having said that, I feel like my baseline is slowly moving up. The bupropion and lithium combination, I feel, is really helping keep my mood and demeanor in check. I'm not quite up to my happy-go-lucky and charming self yet, but I'm sure that will come. I do feel like when I get down it doesn't hit me quite like a anvil.

I'm still dealing with my breakup issues and regrets and it hit me particularly hard again on Saturday. However, I didn't get floored by it for very long. After some mourning, I was able to get back to functioning at my weekend task: painting my dining room.
 
Despite MIkeDip's constant reassurances, I know I screwed up. Not as much as I thought I would, but I still did, I know it. I was grasping at straws for some answers, and I completely bombed the question worth the most marks (12) and that was more than half of my thinking/inquiry marks (22). Bleh. I'm so glad that shit is over. Anxiety is still here, though.

Holy shit, you'd do that for me
again, kind of; CPU thing and all, which, by the way, thanks
? :o My resumé is pretty craptastic though. Even McDonald's hasn't replied. D':
OH YEAH "I KNOW I SCREWED UP" => 85% (in Canadaland, 85% => A for all you Americans out there to understand~).
What can we learn from this?? That sometimes we shouldn't be too sure in what we "know" will happen or is our fate, especially if it's bad stuff!
(I do the same for all my marks too. On my Master's research project thing, even after withdrawing from the program, my marks were online and I was assured in my heart at the time that I scraped by with a horrible shameful mark that would haunt me forever. I didn't get closure until I could see how I did, so a year later, I looked. I got an A. >___> Too much self-doubt!
I also once got a horrible mark of 60-something%--I actually failed the final exam for that one, dragging my mark into oblivion?? lol I thought I scarred myself forever--well, it's not that bad in the greater scheme of things. xD)

Well, it doesn't SEEM like it would take much effort on my end~! xD
I can look over your resume too or have someone skim it. I'm sure it's actually fine. McD's probably didn't reply because they get a glut of summer apps anyway. It's really just luck of the draw, I think.
As long as you're the kind of reliable, good-attendance type, and you have an open availability, you will likely get the job~! --And don't worry so much about performance. I screwed up all the time in the beginning. hahaha~

[LJpost]I FINALLY have a day off work today. I've also been exercising a lot more again, now that I'm down to part-time hours. I went out twice yesterday- once for a long hike in the heat, again for another on trails, but more relaxed. I'm hoping it helps. I'm going for a run today, and then a hike with the pooch a bit after.

I've even considered joining a sports team but it's too late in the year, I believe.

I've got some bad cramps today, ugh. I might even have time to start working on my math and other course materials for September. I even had time to study my French and German a little bit after work yesterday.

I'm seeing a counsellor about once a month. I am pretty to-the-point in that I say I am high-strung and need help developing ways to relax and be less anxious. Also, I hate my uterus today. [/LJpost]
Did you change your name. I am so confused now. ;_;
Working on course materials EARLY? wowow.. That's motivation and dedication!
You actually sound like the type of person that likes to keep busy to relax? or maybe you need a lot of action/work into a tense period and then after it's "done" you can feel some relief for an hour or even a day and that is how you relax.
(I think Fiction will agree with me, but obsessing over fandoms and "working" on stuff for it can be pretty relaxing too. xD It's like work, but it isn't~ And if you get in too deep and invested, you can just tell yourself it doesn't matter and is only for fun and blow it off and ahhh.. isn't it nice to not be responsible once in a while?? xD)

I'm not sure I'm too happy about this.
I am not sure how to interpret this soo..
You're.. welcome? XDDDD

Maybe I am liek a bad omen~
"Ooooh.. a Prax appeared! DOES THIS MEAN THE THREAD GOT BAD? OR DID SHE JUST GET BORED???"
Mystery of life.

(Likely I got bored, had free time, and also felt guilty for not replying for a long time lol --thread derailing also lumps guilt points though~! ;D)

If I remove the gay/relationship aspect of my life from the picture, I would say I feel pretty damn good.

If I add it back, though, it brings it down.
Then why add it back in--also, not having a relationship is not a NEGATIVE worth, you know?? lol
It's like.. bonus sidequest feature? Maybe you are regularly "ocd" about getting all the sidequests and bonus items and stuff in games though.

Struggling so much to find the energy to do anything nowadays. Can't find it to read, write, or anything else. Always feel so damn tired. I hate that I'm so lazy. :/

In some good news, my mother has agreed to allow me to see a therapist. (I had to ask her since I'm still covered by her insurance. lol) Hopefully, I can find someone.
Don't mistaken lack of motivation and energy due to depression for "laziness" though!
Laziness usually isn't paired with soul-crushing anxiety due to not doing what you are 'supposed' to.
I think laziness is usually from a lack of caring because you don't see the importance.
Motivation and momentum drains from depression/anxiety usually fills me with the dread that I am wasting my time and my life .. and there are "solutions" but somehow I don't have the energy to make those things happen even though it's important!
 
Then why add it back in--also, not having a relationship is not a NEGATIVE worth, you know?? lol
It's like.. bonus sidequest feature? Maybe you are regularly "ocd" about getting all the sidequests and bonus items and stuff in games though.


Don't mistaken lack of motivation and energy due to depression for "laziness" though!
Laziness usually isn't paired with soul-crushing anxiety due to not doing what you are 'supposed' to.
I think laziness is usually from a lack of caring because you don't see the importance.
Motivation and momentum drains from depression/anxiety usually fills me with the dread that I am wasting my time and my life .. and there are "solutions" but somehow I don't have the energy to make those things happen even though it's important!


A reason why I want a relationship one day is because I am so damn lonely and have been lonely a large portion of my life. I've had friends, but they all went away eventually. I had boyfriends, but they were not healthy relationships for me... Is it wrong to desire a healthy relationship?

On the idea of laziness, I think more and more I am super lazy. But, it's hard to figure if it is the depression that makes me lazy, or if being lazy makes me depressed.
 
Who can say? You may have more delayed effects, but I'm guessing you're clear. As to what it means about the medications desired effects, there isn't really a relationship. The absence of side effects of any type means nothing about effectiveness.

Count yourself lucky you didn't get the brain zaps! That crap is no fun.

I've never noticed any real effect from the medicine. I've always wondered if it just wasn't for me and wouldn't work on me. Now that I'm missing it, I'm still not noticing any difference in my mood or depression. I'm not talking about side effects.
 
A reason why I want a relationship one day is because I am so damn lonely and have been lonely a large portion of my life. I've had friends, but they all went away eventually. I had boyfriends, but they were not healthy relationships for me... Is it wrong to desire a healthy relationship?

On the idea of laziness, I think more and more I am super lazy. But, it's hard to figure if it is the depression that makes me lazy, or if being lazy makes me depressed. .

I feel this way.

Anyway I been starting to go to the gym quite a lot lately. I think it makes me feel better. I dont feel better when Im working out or right after, but I think my general mood level is still higher than before.
 
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