Ask and find out if its mutual. Otherwise take a cold shower and move on.
Mental Health |OT| Depression & Co.
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Ask and find out if its mutual. Otherwise take a cold shower and move on.
The Atticus
Member
Have and it's not.. Has continued to be one of my closest friends to this day though and I can't really disband them. Though University starts in 6 weeks so I guess I'll try to wait it out till there's space between us.
I could never get anyone to respond to me on those things.
The odds do seem stacked against dudes, unfortunately.
Probably this, for sure. They grew up in South America and it was tough for them back home; my mom didn't even go to high school, as they had to pay for it at the time and her family was poor. They're so stuck in their mentalities from back home that I sometimes wonder how they've lived in Canada for so long.
I think I'm going to need to cut them all out of my life just so they aren't bringing me down anymore.
Out of Working Order
Member
Suicide seems logical to me. I see no way forwards.
How will this help? I have had a quick look at it, and I am not seeing anything that resonates with me on any meaningful level.
Very stacked. I recently paid on a dating website to see a list of women who'd 'liked' me (and to gain access to extra features, but I didn't really care about those). I paid, and despite me having 'liked' several women over the course of many months, I of course, had an empty list. OKCupid, if anyone's wondering.
I paid to find out nobody likes me enough to rate me on a dating website. Cheers.
I'm just responding with something that helped me. Putting my expirence in the context, which is what postmodernism did for me, helped.
Again, it was a genre recommendation, not a cure-all. Like I said, reading in general keeps your mind off of things.
Out of Working Order
Member
Well thanks anyway. I'll look more into it at some point.
Withdrawing from things that make you feel down and focusing on yourself and thing to improve your situation is a good idea. I would advise to not cut them out of your life over things that they aren't doing to make you feel intentionally bad though. Think of it as taking a hiatus from close involvement with them, maybe? Or ask to hang out with individuals, instead of the couples?
Your folks are Hispanic? Mine too.
It's such a damaging mentality because instead of focusing on the positive (You get to have an education and they should be happy about that!), they focus on the negative (they didn't get one, and feel they can do better than you are doing with yours and are jealous). And it's damaging on multiple levels. It teaches you to focus on solely the negative.
People overestimate their own abilities. It's easy for parents to think school is easy when they aren't the ones doing any of the work, taking the tests, and having all this pressure to do perfectly.
You're graduating from high school soon, right? Is it possible at all to get away from your folks? I know I'm utterly incapable of going to school when I live with my parents because of all the drama that occurs. (My dad got pissed at me for missing a single day due to me being sick and hasn't spoken to me since. That was months ago. Apparently I'm lazy, incompetent, and will never succeed in life. The class I missed? I finished it with a perfect score, and was the only person to get an A. People like our parents will find any excuse to put us down.)
My wife is really struggling with her bi polar and PTSD. I feel trapped because I have to work so damn much to provide for us since she can't really work at the moment, and I know she feels trapped in the apartment all day.
She currently self medicates with marijuana and it helps for sure, we've tried traditional medications before but couldn't find anything that works and I can't afford a real psychiatrist who would actually know the right medications
I feel like I need to give her a new purpose in life, something to do during the day, school or a good job, but she has so many bad days it's tough to make anything happen
Maybe she can do some volunteer work somewhere? It helps you get out of the house, boosts self-esteem and might give less pressure than a real job.
Nah, not Hispanic. They're from Guyana, but the mentality is the exact same.
Yeah, it's true. The pressure is even worse when it's not just them, bur you as well. I want to become a doctor so I pretty much have to push myself hard to do well, and all the pressure they place on me and that I place on myself just becomes unbearable and I buckle.
I finished high school in June (did summer school to upgrade the 50 I earned in pre-calculus math from my Sept-Jan semester), and I'll be starting university in September. As of right now, I'm stuck at home with my parents; they pretty much didn't allow me to accept any offers from any university that would see me leave home. (And to be quite honest, the programs I was being offered didn't interest me at all.) For better or worse, I'm stuck with them for the foreseeable future.
Individuals in couples always talk about their relationship nonstop in my experience.
ClassyPenguin
Banned
Introduction and Chapter 1 of The Hapiness Trap by Dr Russ Harris.
http://www.thehappinesstrap.com/upimages/The_Happiness_Trap_-_Introduction_and_Chapter_one.pdf PDF file.
more stuff at:
http://www.thehappinesstrap.com/free_resources
Really like this guy, very realistic and very different from the kinda self-help nonsese that we see and hear a lot. Really like his views on self-esteem as a tricky term and rather focuses on self-acceptance.
http://www.thehappinesstrap.com/upimages/The_Happiness_Trap_-_Introduction_and_Chapter_one.pdf PDF file.
more stuff at:
http://www.thehappinesstrap.com/free_resources
Really like this guy, very realistic and very different from the kinda self-help nonsese that we see and hear a lot. Really like his views on self-esteem as a tricky term and rather focuses on self-acceptance.
User 100115
Banned
OMG you guys, what, seriously.
Stop making me cry from happy tears.
/incoherent
Stop making me cry from happy tears.
/incoherent
I've read this one too. It's cool because the tone is actually mostly sarcastic and funny. It gives you things to practice and whatnot. Good stuff.
ClassyPenguin
Banned
Plus he's an Aussie :3
Yeah, that can be difficult. The best I can think is to casually point out to these friends that hearing about relationships when you don't have one or are having relationship troubles really gets to you. Or maybe get involved in club/groups/activities that would give you a chance to socialize with more singles, or in an environment where it'd be goofy on another person to go on about their relationship to strangers.
Agent Cooper
Member
<33
So, I have my job interview next thursday, which means that if nothing goes wrong, I'll be working and paying for things on my own. While this is more than likely good news for me getting therapy, I still have to deal with my mother retiring soon and whatever's going to happen with paying house bills and everything, and that's without mentioning my current and future college fees on top of all of that. Joy. :/
Agent Cooper
Member
One thing at a time, one day at a time. You can do this, man.
ClassyPenguin
Banned
Eye of the tiger, man.
Budget and then proceed to not think about it. Bills are the worst, but don't let them ruin your day.
Agent Cooper
Member
When I have my 'attacks' (I hate using that word) of anxiety, all I can really do is shake, (sometimes) cry, hyperventilate, and say I'm sorry to anyone I'm speaking to.
I think it bugs some people, and when they tell me to stop apologizing and that there isn't really anything to apologize for, I just end up apologizing for apologizing.
I feel like a big idiot sometimes. And a nuisance. I don't think there's any reason for this post.
I'm sorry.
I did the same thing with a longtime girlfriend. Where I'd just feel bad for no reason and try to "fix" something. There's something about feeling bad and guilt. Like you feel so bad you must have done something wrong.
If there's no one to apologize to I doubt you did something needing apologizing.
If there's no one to apologize to I doubt you did something needing apologizing.
I think I've reached the point where I just simply honestly don't give a fuck anymore, about anything except my wife and my PC's. I've already stopped taking my morning dose of Lithium otherwise I feel like shit all day. And I've decided that since I get my prescriptions filled in a way that they don't make me wait for a refill date, I'm just popping Klonopin and Xanax at will now. No more annoying self control over that anymore. Fuck it.
My tolerance is so high I can walk around fine on 8mg of Xanax and a couple Klonopin and only bump into a wall or stumble a bit. Otherwise I'm fine. But I'll usually drink a couple mixed drinks or Smirnoff shots to really knock me on my ass with the pills. Then pop two Ambien and I'm in wonderland for 8 hours. Really need to do 4-5grams of shrooms again to reset myself and gain back control.
Anyway, meds as usual have no long lasting effects on me. I still have zero self worth, zero respect for other people, unable to empathize with anybody except my wife and mother, have no guilt and find others' reactions to my behavior entertaining. I have extremely homicidal thoughts nearly every day, I'm not suicidal but have no problem getting killed in the process of whatever is going on. Sometimes when I'm driving I just take my hand off the wheel and nudge into the incoming lane, or think to myself as a car passes me on the road how easy it would be to just crash right into them. So I'm not depressed so much as I just want blood figuratively speaking. Whether that's emotional, psychological, or physical abuse, And I want it to happen to me as well,
That's the most honest I can be right now...
My tolerance is so high I can walk around fine on 8mg of Xanax and a couple Klonopin and only bump into a wall or stumble a bit. Otherwise I'm fine. But I'll usually drink a couple mixed drinks or Smirnoff shots to really knock me on my ass with the pills. Then pop two Ambien and I'm in wonderland for 8 hours. Really need to do 4-5grams of shrooms again to reset myself and gain back control.
Anyway, meds as usual have no long lasting effects on me. I still have zero self worth, zero respect for other people, unable to empathize with anybody except my wife and mother, have no guilt and find others' reactions to my behavior entertaining. I have extremely homicidal thoughts nearly every day, I'm not suicidal but have no problem getting killed in the process of whatever is going on. Sometimes when I'm driving I just take my hand off the wheel and nudge into the incoming lane, or think to myself as a car passes me on the road how easy it would be to just crash right into them. So I'm not depressed so much as I just want blood figuratively speaking. Whether that's emotional, psychological, or physical abuse, And I want it to happen to me as well,
That's the most honest I can be right now...
DJ Lushious
Member
This hit me very hard, as this is how I am feeling now that my baseline has been rising. I am feeling okay enough now to see the ruin I've caused.
Putting blame on yourself and not wanting to burden anyone else is quite common I think. I get the same feelings too. I can be really critical about myself, then I will feel bad about putting those feelings out there, for passing those negative thoughts onto others. Almost like I'm getting in the way of other peoples happiness. It's usually why I direct it all here or in the IRC, since at least some of it will be mutual and I wont feel as guilty as I usually do.
I don't really do the apologizing stuff though, during my low spikes I'm consumed with frustration and self hatred instead, which I think shows. I'm glad you did post it, at the very least it is another little reminder that I'm not all alone in all this. Not too good at following my own advice, but never be sorry about the way you feel. Whether it be good or bad, it's one of the things that make up who you are, and I think you're pretty swell. Also, that ghost picture is cute!
University mailed a letter on Monday saying I'm no longer eligible for my program as my average slipped too much (10%; from an 85% to a 75% final). This isn't including my final summer school mark for math of 85vs50, which bumped my average up to an 80.8. God knows how I'll submit my transcript to them, and if they will bother to accept me back into the program. If the university decides I can't get back into my program (biomedical science), I'm done. I'm not going to bother going to university this year. Fuck my life. I'm gonna go spend some RESP money now. Any advice on what I should waste it on?
Yes, I recommend community college as well if that's an option. Your first two years will be course requirements anyways.
And remember, you don't have to be a doctor. You're still a kid, and you don't even know what's involved with the career. Don't be afraid of changing your mind and doing something else. It's not as if the only career track possible is medicine.
Sad to hear. But remember, door never close. Ever. As other said, you can find a community college.
BTW, I believe everyone should take a year off before joining college. From experience, almost non high school graduate is mature enough to know what they can to do the next four years, let alone the rest of their productive lives.
ClassyPenguin
Banned
Isn't there research that shows taking a break can actually be detrimental?
Also, most degrees aren't really going to pigeonhole you into a certain career path if you don't let it.
Also, most degrees aren't really going to pigeonhole you into a certain career path if you don't let it.
In what sense? That it will look bad on your college/job applications or is bad in a personal level?
ClassyPenguin
Banned
Personal, apparently it's only recommended if you have some kind of plan, such as volunteering or working temporarily.
http://www.collegeconfidential.com/dean/archives/000308.htm
http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/answer-sheet/post/a-primer-on-gap-years/2012/09/20/005d2a5c-033f-11e2-91e7-2962c74e7738_blog.html
Personally, I do suggest taking a few classes at a community college instead of not going at all. It just helps to do something when you're feeling lost and can help with social skills. I did two classes for my first semester of community college. It made the experience a lot better as I didn't have much pressure and to get used to college classes instead of high school. The CC route is a lot better if you have no idea what to major in as you can choose from many courses at minimal cost.
http://www.collegeconfidential.com/dean/archives/000308.htm
http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/answer-sheet/post/a-primer-on-gap-years/2012/09/20/005d2a5c-033f-11e2-91e7-2962c74e7738_blog.html
Personally, I do suggest taking a few classes at a community college instead of not going at all. It just helps to do something when you're feeling lost and can help with social skills. I did two classes for my first semester of community college. It made the experience a lot better as I didn't have much pressure and to get used to college classes instead of high school. The CC route is a lot better if you have no idea what to major in as you can choose from many courses at minimal cost.
I wouldn't exactly call websites with FAQ's/Q&A's "studies".
Personally, I took an entire year off and it was the best thing I ever did. I went to language school for 3.5 months, worked for 3.5months and then did some relaxing&volunteering until I started university. I also moved halfway around the world to do this. It was VERY helpful.
ClassyPenguin
Banned
I never said those were studies in the post that I linked them in.
But yeah, your experience is my point. Works well if you do stuff. Doesn't work so well if you're just lounging about doing nothing.
Well, I'm not referring to a year of doing nothing. But a year of personal edification, soul searching and maturing. Search a full time job/apprenticeship or voluntary work. A year of traveling alone. A year of taking courses on diverse topics in order to broaden your perspective.
Is a much better option, imo, than changing of career/path at the middle or the end of your college studies, a situation that is very common.
ClassyPenguin
Banned
I think we are all on the same page, then.
I wish I had been allowed to take a year off before going to college. It was pretty obvious that I was going to crash hard. (I had already crashed numerous times throughout high school and the only reason I graduated was because of all the exceptions I was given.) I didn't make it a month into university.
MisterLuffy
Member
Sigh, I start college on Aug 26 and I'm really nervous. I've been thinking the negatives instead of the positives of going to college. It's a 4 year college I transferred to, and I'm not determined nor have the dedication to work hard this time. I don't feel like doing anything. Like working nor going to college. I feel like college is going to be my waste of time. The reason I want to go to college is because I have nothing better to do than staying at home all day being pestered by my parents to find a job. I dislike being me. Being me sucks. I'll always want my life to be easier, but I have to expect the difficulties which I can't handle in my state of being an idiot.
Have you spoken to a therapist?
What negatives are you focusing on?
It sounds like you transferred though, so you were somewhere else before?
I was asked to repost this "maybe with fewer words?", so here goes:
The Relationship Fallacy is the idea that we would be completely fixed if we could just form the one perfect relationship. It’s often expressed in terms of the desire for romantic relationships, but close friendships also come up (as do friendships that people wish they could turn into romantic relationships).
What makes the relationship fallacy so hard to shake is that, basically, it’s kind of true - for many of us, relationships are among the most important, fulfilling, affirming, mood-boosting parts of our lives. The problem comes about when 1) we fail to acknowledge how difficult even the best relationships invariably are at times, and 2) we start thinking that all meaning, validation, and sense of worth, or even our sense of self, will only come from other people.
We overestimate the ability of other people to change how we feel about ourselves. We want to be told we're pretty, but when we are told that, we never believe it. Then again, there are folks who do derive a lot of meaning and validation from intense relationships. The problem here is that, when these relationships end, or fail to provide everything we need, the consequences are catastrophic. It’s dangerous in general to let another person have complete control over our feelings. I’m shocked by the number of people from the community who are pining over really awful sounding exes, or who are upset about losing friends who were, when it comes right down to it, emotionally abusive.
Disagreements, fights, and misunderstandings inevitably arise in even the healthiest relationships. We tend to imagine Hollywood, happily-ever-after-style scenarios, not the messier (but potentially more satisfying) human interactions we’ll actually get. If you’re pining away for a magical relationship that will cure your mental health issues, you’re going to be let down, and probably fuck up, any real relationships you do form.
It all reminds me a lot of the idea of being “friendzoned.” The issue here is that when we are looking for the supreme relationship that will save us, then every relationship must be that thing. It’s not enough to have a close female friend, we have to go out. People who are trapped in the relationship fallacy end up doing this fucked up thing where they feel that they are somehow owed something from any relationships they do form. Without meaning to, they end up demanding that people regard them in a certain way (again, often involving romantic feelings), which is just incredibly toxic.
The Relationship Fallacy is the idea that we would be completely fixed if we could just form the one perfect relationship. It’s often expressed in terms of the desire for romantic relationships, but close friendships also come up (as do friendships that people wish they could turn into romantic relationships).
What makes the relationship fallacy so hard to shake is that, basically, it’s kind of true - for many of us, relationships are among the most important, fulfilling, affirming, mood-boosting parts of our lives. The problem comes about when 1) we fail to acknowledge how difficult even the best relationships invariably are at times, and 2) we start thinking that all meaning, validation, and sense of worth, or even our sense of self, will only come from other people.
We overestimate the ability of other people to change how we feel about ourselves. We want to be told we're pretty, but when we are told that, we never believe it. Then again, there are folks who do derive a lot of meaning and validation from intense relationships. The problem here is that, when these relationships end, or fail to provide everything we need, the consequences are catastrophic. It’s dangerous in general to let another person have complete control over our feelings. I’m shocked by the number of people from the community who are pining over really awful sounding exes, or who are upset about losing friends who were, when it comes right down to it, emotionally abusive.
Disagreements, fights, and misunderstandings inevitably arise in even the healthiest relationships. We tend to imagine Hollywood, happily-ever-after-style scenarios, not the messier (but potentially more satisfying) human interactions we’ll actually get. If you’re pining away for a magical relationship that will cure your mental health issues, you’re going to be let down, and probably fuck up, any real relationships you do form.
It all reminds me a lot of the idea of being “friendzoned.” The issue here is that when we are looking for the supreme relationship that will save us, then every relationship must be that thing. It’s not enough to have a close female friend, we have to go out. People who are trapped in the relationship fallacy end up doing this fucked up thing where they feel that they are somehow owed something from any relationships they do form. Without meaning to, they end up demanding that people regard them in a certain way (again, often involving romantic feelings), which is just incredibly toxic.
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