As long as you realize that waiting isn't getting you anywhere, than I'd say you're good. From that point, the timing will happen when it happens.
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Dating-Age |OT4| Realise You're Living in the Golden Years
- Thread starter Minamu
- Start date
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As long as you realize that waiting isn't getting you anywhere, than I'd say you're good. From that point, the timing will happen when it happens.
NeOak
Member
I know. But I also know that she is mega ultra royally pissed, otherwise she wouldn't have blocked me. I'll wait for her anger to pass and meanwhile get my stuff together, otherwise getting away from her will have been in vain.
Now, about that cute Chinese girl in today's class...
I get it, dude. Sounds like you've got a good plan. You've realized that things don't just come to you. Honestly, that's just a great life attitude. Hope it all works out. Good luck.
NeOak
Member
Thanks, I appreciate the feedback.
level_e11even
Banned
What you will find in your journey to personal growth, is that you really weren't there anymore for the friendship, but for the "friendship-that-could-turn-into-relationship" kind of friendship.
It hurts not because you lost a great friend, but because you lost a friend that could have a been a great partner. Subconsciously you know this. Now any hope of it happening has be killed, but with it, just like the Phoenix, hope is born that someone better will come along. And trust me, it will.
It doesn't sound like you're being too worried about being a virgin at least, that's great. You shouldn't be. Taking someone's virginity can be a big deal for the other party so that could be why she's slightly apprehensive. But on the other hand you got a BJ from her. From now on, don't try to push or talk her into anything, that rarely ever works. Her reasons like the gyno etc might be fake, but we'll never know. I'd assume she's being sincere about it and just let it happen again naturally. As for escalating sexual tension and keeping the physical contact going, that can be googled and/or youtubed easily. It might seem like a huge step for you to overcome but it really isn't, and it's something quite straight forward actually. If you don't have much experience with flirting and what kind of signals to look for, that can be found online too (and there's plenty of it, you may want to start at the OP and its recommended videos and the videos that youtube think is relevant). You'll get more conscious about it all with more knowledge and experience. There will be mistakes made of course but you'll be alright as long a you learn from them. I wouldn't sweat it, you seem to have a solid grip on things alreadyAs for the simping, I don't think there's a problem. Of course you're gonna want to satisfy her as well. In fact, keep the focus on her and put her pleasure at the top of the priority list. Even more so if she's had bad experiences with that before. The Internet loves "tutorials" on how to please women
I've mentioned a serious video series called "2GirlsTeachSex" before and it can be found at various sites out there. Just don't push her into anything. I don't think it's that weird if she has put you in the sexual encounter group, she did give you a BJ after all. She most likely wouldn't do that to just about anyone for no reason. So yeah you might be over thinking the success probability slightly. Maybe go to more parties with her if the distance thing is that major? Or go on dates if that's your thing. In the end, it doesn't sound like you've said or done anything terribly wrong or proven to be a wimp of any kind. So go with the flow and read up on sex and whatever
Awesome! Thanks guys!
Actually, we'll be going to catch a movie on Tuesday, but I have the day off so I'll see about maybe hanging out at her place earlier that afternoon. Plus I have a decent idea of the area the theatre is in so I know a place to go drinking afterwards. I guess I should point out she is broke (read: not really broke but just...) but recently I had been paying for most of the drinks. I guess I should slow down and not give her the impression I want to buy my way in, even if she can't afford to spend as much I want to have some fun. She does thank me for the drinks but I'm guessing maybe something more sensible is the split a pitcher or something?
Oh and I'm totally going into this hang out not really expecting to get laid or anything at all but I guess I'll be more subtle about it if the opportunity arises. Looks like I have some reading up to do.
A note to anyone who plans to use Match.com, don't. They are expensive and have just ripped me off even though I canceled my subscription before the payment was due. I'd have thought the site would've been limited ever since canceling it, but went on this morning and could use it as normal which was odd. Then I checked my bank account and noticed I am £30 down. I know it was from them since I checked my profile and found that I was still subscribed! So enraged!
Thank you for your support. I appreciate it.
It's not ice cream...but butterbeer lol.There's nothing wrong with you, you're just being silly about not looking good enough, just like everybody else
Thank you for your support. I appreciate it
.A random chance lunch date, great
An hour is a good amount of time so you don't get bored of one another. That you didn't "admit you're interested in her" is not a bad thing though! Why would you do that? You're bound to scare her off if you show up with flowers or a crown of sonnets. She's not stupid, she'll know you like her by your actions and body language before too long. You could've gotten her phone number for sure, but don't sweat it, it wasn't the last chance you'll get and you know it. Focus on your own life, not hers, and it will seem trivial that you won't see her for another week if she doesn't show up to that meeting. Maybe look her up on facebook if you want to talk to her, but I wouldn't do that if I'm sexually interested in someone. If you don't want to wait a week to talk to someone, don't. That's a choice you can make. Talk to someone else perhaps, or a whole bunch of people Sounds good. Asking to see her before the movie might be pushing it but give it a shot if you want. Splitting a pitcher sounds good though. You don't want to go broke yourself.
You're welcomeIt's not ice cream...but butterbeer lol.
Thank you for your support. I appreciate it
A random chance lunch date, great
Turns out, I did manage to meet her again. No one showed up to the group meeting for some reason or another, and I was walking out of the building I saw her sitting by herself so we ended up talking for another 45 minutes or so. And honestly, I really like her as a person. We share similar values, have a lot of things in common, etc, and she's really sweet. I managed to get her Facebook details as well.
She'd be a great friend. After spending more time with her though, I've realised that she's far prettier than I initially thought, to the point that I'm not even sure if I'd be comfortable pursuing anything more.
MacGurcules
Member
Don't be a fool. Why wouldn't you keep after her? She obviously enjoys your company. Ask her out.
I hope to gain some insight from you lot. I met this girl through some mutual friends and acquaintances. She seemed really interested in me, so we exchanged numbers. We met up last night, talking, and walking around for a couple of hours. I didn't get the sense there were any major bottlenecks, or problems between us. The flow was good. Towards the end I mentioned having fun, and a desire to go out again. She was on the same page, even seemed hesitant to break the conversation, but I had to go (work related).
I sent a quick SMS, but her response was disproportionate in my view. It seemed cold, sterile, short. Basicly "it was nice thank you". She's been pretty expressive with the responses before this, so I was taken aback a little by that.
I sent a quick SMS, but her response was disproportionate in my view. It seemed cold, sterile, short. Basicly "it was nice thank you". She's been pretty expressive with the responses before this, so I was taken aback a little by that.
MacGurcules
Member
Some people just work better in one communication medium better than others. Or maybe she was busy at the time; she wanted to send a response but didn't have time for anything more than that. There are plenty of reasons she might not have been as effusive as you expect. Don't let the imagined subtext of one text message undermine two hours worth of actual communication.
Trust your instincts. She said she wants to go out again, assume she was being sincere. Set up another meeting and keep it going.
Been dating a girl for 1½ month(well, she's more of a girlfriend now), i can only see her like 2-3 days a week because she doesn't live nearby and she's coming to my apartment today. Been thinking of buying her some flowers on my way back from work. She says she likes surprises and she's a bit into romantic stuff, so i'm sure she'll love this. Can't wait to see her reaction.
That is so sweet, she'll love it. Ive given my boyfriends numerous hints that I adore flowers and given him numerous gifts, nothing yet. in fact nothing at all....
Omegasquash
Member
Don't get worried about text messages...my wife is a fantastic communicator, but can come off as short, rude, uncaring and cold in text messages. It's not how she's thinking, or saying what's in her head, it's how I'M reading it.
Also, punctuation is king in text messages. "It was nice thank you" could well actually be "It was nice, thank you!" She could have just been rushed and didn't punctuate. No biggy.
Well, mine only gave one hint last week that she likes flowers, something like "My coworker just received flowers from her boyfriend. They smelled so good. Boys who give flowers are rare nowadays."
Can't get a bigger hint than that.
NeOak
Member
Ouch ouch ouch.
Quite true actually. She was open to the idea, but would depend on being interested obviously. I grabbed on to that and rolled with it too fast, so my fault there.
All I had to do was to keep dating other girls and what not, while just being friends and if the chance came up, try. But I couldn't be patient to handle it, so I had to cut her off, which is a capital sin to her. (She values a lot the people she talks to) Hence, the block. Anyway, can't do anything about it for now. I have ways to contact her when the time comes anyway.
As for finding someone else, yup, I've been there before so I know someone will come along. Everyone has something special, just gotta notice it.
I've read that, to a degree, attractiveness is subject to one's feelings towards that person. If you didn't find someone physically attractive before, you might start to as things develop, even going so far as having your memory warp her features.
Still on for the date Saturday, but I get the feeling she isn't much for talking over the phone. Plenty chatty with texting, but when I tried to call she said she was busy watching Master Chef. For all I know she was with company at her sister's (which she's mentioned before), and she's said before that she's a major introvert. Still need to work out the time, so I'm not sure if I should try calling again tonight, or just text her until seeing her in person. I can tell she's the type who doesn't like to initiate things, so I want to be forward enough to show her I'm interested, but without coming off as weird. Perhaps the date itself is enough.
Edit: I got her voicemail last time, and I was so surprised to find someone who still used it (nobody I know has it setup on their cell) that I actually left one. I was exhausted after a workout and 2 hours of sleep the night before, and nervous, so all I said was "Hi, call me back." I sounded blunt and awful, and that's her first impression of my voice >_<. Ha, at least I'm getting a story out of it.
stn
Member
Yeah, lol. She kindaaaaaa does some escort work on the side, too. I was giving Minamu picture updates, we were laughing. Anyway, yeah...internet can be fun.
FutureZombie
Banned
I feel like my conversations on dates mainly consist of me asking questions, and it feels too much like an interview. Any suggestions on things to talk about or ways to converse so that the conversations flow better?
Liu Kang Baking A Pie
Member
That means you're not connecting. There should be a little bit of interviewing to find common interests and things to talk about, but if you're really digging, there just isn't chemistry. My best dates are all very casual conversations that just naturally go on and on.
Maybe talk more about yourself and namedrop your interests, hobbies, and specific things about you and see if she bites.
SquiddyCracker
Banned
Woot, I'm single!
Dead relationship, so it doesn't really hurt, although I'd be lying if it didn't sting a tiny little bit.
We're still friends, and roomies, so that might get awkward, but it's pretty clear things are over.
Dead relationship, so it doesn't really hurt, although I'd be lying if it didn't sting a tiny little bit.
We're still friends, and roomies, so that might get awkward, but it's pretty clear things are over.
All right. Date set and confirmed, phone call get. She was either really nervous or just disinterested, so I made sure to keep it short. Get hyped!
Ethics Gradient
Member
Well, mine only gave one hint last week that she likes flowers, something like "My coworker just received flowers from her boyfriend. They smelled so good. Boys who give flowers are rare nowadays."
Can't get a bigger hint than that.
What kind of flowers did you get her? I always have trouble deciding.
TheVampire
Banned
Damn so this girl Ive been talking to on this dating site told me shes to busy to meet up this weekend so maybe next weekend.
But I feel like we have gone from messaging on the website to messaging on our phones but now since we cant meet up this weekend Im worried that this will fizzle out by the time next weekend rolls around.
How to keep her interested?
But I feel like we have gone from messaging on the website to messaging on our phones but now since we cant meet up this weekend Im worried that this will fizzle out by the time next weekend rolls around.
How to keep her interested?
Found this web site - http://gaylife.about.com/od/singles/a/meetgaymen.htm
http://gaylife.about.com/od/lovesex/a/findinglove.htm
This could prove helpful for gay people, might provide tips for heterosexual people as well.
http://gaylife.about.com/od/lovesex/a/findinglove.htm
This could prove helpful for gay people, might provide tips for heterosexual people as well.
Well, i don't know much about flowers, so i don't remember the names, but this is what i bought :
Honestly, i don't think you have to worry too much about what to choose, the gesture alone should be enough to make her happy. I know my girlfriend did.
MacGurcules
Member
Dates aren't only for the weekend. Meet up on a Tuesday or something.
Has she seen them yet?Didn't think the picture was that big, but ok.
They were big on my 40" screen
NeOak
Member
Has she seen them yet?
Yeah, she was taking a nap when i first entered my apartment, so i had time to put the flowers on a table before she woke up and saw them. Nice little surprise and big smile on her face.
Yeah, these little moments are so nice in a relationship. I wished it would have happened sooner(i mean, being in a relationship that goes so well), but better late than never right? I'm lucky enough to have found her, I would have never met her without a dating website since she lives in another town/region.
FutureZombie
Banned
Anyone have any fun/unique second date ideas? I'm looking for an activity date if possible.
Kung Fu Jedi
Member
I just had an amazing three-day long date last weekend and we mixed in a number of activities. We went ziplining for instance, which was a blast, although you had better make sure she's down for it. We also went to a vineyard for wine tasting and took a short hike to a scenic overlook. In my case, it was a very successful first date.
Actually she wanted to watch a later show of The World's End, but I asked her if she wanted to hang out and watch Hot Fuzz beforehand and she pretty much just told me I could come around any time. What's the deal with watching a movie and trying a move? Some people say it's tougher cause they'll probably be trying to concentrate on the movie instead.
Interesting little thing happened while I was browsing online dating profiles yesterday...
I'm at one girl's profile, and she doesn't really have a whole lot there (though to be fair, maybe more than a lot of girls who just say "I like fun things!"). She says something in her profile that she thinks it is best if you find out the rest about her for yourself. OK.
In two following sections of the profile, she basically ignores what the section is about and says to look up her name (in the first section), and lists a website in the other section (the name is somewhat obfuscated, but still fairly easy to make out).
Of course, I'm thinking this could just take me to some adult site where I'd have to pay more to "find out more" about this special lady, but she didn't really strike me as one of "those." Wasn't showing off a lot of skin or anything in her pictures, etc.
So I check out the site. It turns out to be her family's website (and yep, she has a section of her own, though mostly just pictures of her as a kid...yeah, now I feel creepy). The site itself is pretty outdated. Old school HTML design and everything. But her family is definitely pretty interesting, and seems to do a lot of cool things together. Oh, and her dad has a link to his Facebook page on this homepage, which of course also links to her Facebook page (both of which are pretty public with what they share on Facebook).
I don't know how much she intended for people to find out, but of course my interest in piqued. I send her a message on that site. I also recognized her on another dating site, so I checked out the profile there and sent something there too (it seemed she was using this one more recently than the other one). Of course, she hasn't been online for several months.
Almost tempted to Facebook her, but that would probably be too creepy (even with her and her family being super open).
I'm at one girl's profile, and she doesn't really have a whole lot there (though to be fair, maybe more than a lot of girls who just say "I like fun things!"). She says something in her profile that she thinks it is best if you find out the rest about her for yourself. OK.
In two following sections of the profile, she basically ignores what the section is about and says to look up her name (in the first section), and lists a website in the other section (the name is somewhat obfuscated, but still fairly easy to make out).
Of course, I'm thinking this could just take me to some adult site where I'd have to pay more to "find out more" about this special lady, but she didn't really strike me as one of "those." Wasn't showing off a lot of skin or anything in her pictures, etc.
So I check out the site. It turns out to be her family's website (and yep, she has a section of her own, though mostly just pictures of her as a kid...yeah, now I feel creepy). The site itself is pretty outdated. Old school HTML design and everything. But her family is definitely pretty interesting, and seems to do a lot of cool things together. Oh, and her dad has a link to his Facebook page on this homepage, which of course also links to her Facebook page (both of which are pretty public with what they share on Facebook).
I don't know how much she intended for people to find out, but of course my interest in piqued. I send her a message on that site. I also recognized her on another dating site, so I checked out the profile there and sent something there too (it seemed she was using this one more recently than the other one). Of course, she hasn't been online for several months.
Almost tempted to Facebook her, but that would probably be too creepy (even with her and her family being super open).
Well, I had another serious anxiety attack, ended up at the hospital, and the doctor told me the same thing every other doctor has told me, "you should be out there dating girls and having sex". I agree with them but I wish going on dates was that easy. To me the idea of getting a girl to go on a date is just impossible for me to imagine. I have an easier time wrapping my head around what the universe must have looked like before the bing bang.
SmackDaddy
Member
Holy crap! I cant believe the doctor told you that haha. Well, hes a doctor. Take his advice.
I had a panic attack sleeping next to my ex. Its not the girl thats gonna solve your problem. Its the confidence and comfort in your skin it takes to bag a hotty that will help your anxiety.
Haha it was young doctor. He pretty much told me that at my age I should be having sex left and right and distract myself instead of sitting at letting my anxiety control my life.
Yeah, ultimately getting a girlfriend will help me with my anxiety. In order to get a girlfriend I have to "conquer" all my fears/limitations. First I have to socialize with people, join a club, or volunteer. The more I socialize the more likely that I will encounter a cute girl that draws my attention. Then I will have to talk to her and maintain a conversation with her, which I'm terrible at. Then I would have to summon the courage to ask her out, thus conquering my fear of rejection. Then if we do go on a date I'll have to conquer this fear/anxiety I feel when I think that we'll run out of things to talk about, that shit makes me super nervous just thinking about it. Ultimately we would have sex, and I'm super afraid of having sex(I'm a virgin) so even thinking about it makes me nervous.
I had a traumatizing experience in middle school that has made me this person who's afraid of socializing, being out of his comfort zone, taking on things he hasn't experienced yet. In order to have a girlfriend I essentially have become the best version of myself. I have to stop being afraid of socializing, I have to get out of my comfort zone and try new experiences no matter how afraid I may be.
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