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[strata8]

I went to the party. We both had a few drinks, I confessed, and got shot down. I'm disappointed, but the reasoning was very sound.

What's interesting is that it didn't hurt that much at all, or at least not nearly as much as I expected. Hell, I'm more embarrassed by everything that happened before I put myself out there than by the rejection itself. And the relationship between us hasn't changed for the worse, which is really great.

Time to set my sights elsewhere for now. I might try going to a bar or something, but I'm not sure if that's what I want.

 

[RC Cola]

So still chatting some with "circumcision" girl (as I call her). I'm thinking maybe the jokes/comments I made probably weren't good, but I did get her phone number, we're still talking, etc. I was chatting with her last night, and for whatever reason, the conversation just seemed awkward at times (don't usually have that problem with people/girls). I was still trying to have fun with the conversation ("I'm pretty good at drawing Trog Dor on whiteboards, and my hula hooping skills are unmatched!"), but she didn't seem too thrilled with my sarcasm and wanted me to be more serious. Also called me out for some sexist comments ("I'm just a typical dumb man") and other things, which were true, but still seemed odd to me. Maybe I just read her personality the wrong way (her profile seemed pretty silly and not very serious).

We still joked around at the end, and I guess she still enjoys talking to me (if not, too late, I already have her phone number!). Would like to meet up with her in person just to figure her out better, though she's apparently pretty sick right now (she noted that before we even started talking much). Not going to really think much more about it though (I'm trying the "don't care too much" mode too). If she really is that serious (and/or most of our conversations will be like that), then don't think we'd be a good match (maybe not even as friends).

 

[NeoGeoOwner]

So, I have what is essentially a double date tonight. It's with my roommate and his gf, and his gf's friend. Although he keeps insisting it's not a setup, it clearly is. I know nothing about this girl, and my roommate is being a cryptic asshole about what information he gives me.

The thing is, I'm not worried about meeting the girl. I know nothing about her, and I'm honestly not expecting anything to happen. I'm literally treating it like just meeting someone new, no possible romance crap.

The problem is my roommate. When he's with his gf, they become such an annoying pair. She's annoying too. Usually why I ignore them when she's over.

Basically, I guess I'm just asking how I should deal with this. I'm trying to remain level-headed, but if they keep making stupid comments (I know they will), how am I suppose to put up with it? I can't very well tell them to fuck off.

We're going out for dinner by the way, so it's being stuck at a table with them. No escaping.

Try to out-shine them. Show your A-Game. Play it cool with stupid comments. I hope you can do that. Be the funny guy at the table.

Yours,

Franck

 

[MacGurcules]

So, I have what is essentially a double date tonight. It's with my roommate and his gf, and his gf's friend. Although he keeps insisting it's not a setup, it clearly is. I know nothing about this girl, and my roommate is being a cryptic asshole about what information he gives me.

The thing is, I'm not worried about meeting the girl. I know nothing about her, and I'm honestly not expecting anything to happen. I'm literally treating it like just meeting someone new, no possible romance crap.

The problem is my roommate. When he's with his gf, they become such an annoying pair. She's annoying too. Usually why I ignore them when she's over.

Basically, I guess I'm just asking how I should deal with this. I'm trying to remain level-headed, but if they keep making stupid comments (I know they will), how am I suppose to put up with it? I can't very well tell them to fuck off.

We're going out for dinner by the way, so it's being stuck at a table with them. No escaping.

I've got a friend who is kind of the same way. When I was single, he'd fall all over himself trying to set me up with women. Dude has no idea what it means to play it cool and he'd just embarrass everyone involved.

For your situation, if the girl you're getting set up with is cool, take the first chance to bust out of there with her. Nobody likes getting set up and then watched. So if the opportunity presents itself, invite her to go off for an ice cream or take a walk through the park. Whatever. Just have something in mind so you can take advantage if necessary.

 

[hydragonwarrior]

So does anyone have any success stories of dating a roommate? Just moved in with another girl who thinks I'm cool but it feels like a very platonic cool.

But before i try to plan stuff out, anyone even had luck with this? I've usually heard it's either real good or must-move-out-by-next-weekend bad

 

[hydragonwarrior]

Separate question to the one above as well:

So during a conversation, I often find the most boring questions (and boring answers) i get asked are the following:

1. What do I do for a living?
2. What did I graduate with?
3. How was your weekend?
4. How are you?

I know the concept of filler questions but is there any better way to answer 1 and 2? For me, I just want to get these questions as over with as possible because I can't think of a more creative way to answer'em. Specifically:

1. Software QA
2. Math

3 and 4 - I have shit memory so when I get asked this, I'm not sure on how the best way to field this answer is other than "yeah it was good/okay". Actually, I'd like to know how some people who date often tend to answer 3 and 4.

Thanks all

 

[Tsukumo]

Gonna make this one quick.
The girl is a pretty hardcore Christian.
I was raised Catholic but kinda fell of the wagon lately.
Should I even?

It's pretty easy to get this type of girl's attention if you present yourself as an irredeemable atheist or a believer from the other side. They love to bring you to their faith and "save" you.
Unless she has freaky sexual hang-ups, I'd give it a go.

Holy crap, the second date went waaaaaaaaaay better.

[cut]

Usually not being comfortable with messaging is a good sign because it's a distinctive feature of people who are highly social and cannot stand the gimped communication and the lack of body language of texts. But here, I think, there's something else since she is also shy during the dates.
How does she dresses? if it's casual (jeans and t-shirt) then she is probably very shy as you say, but if she dresses "flashy" or elegant (short skirt, jewels, heavy make-up) then she is evaluating you. If it's the latter, the reason why she suggested to show her the city was because she started to get frustrated.
Anyway, you survived military school: you can survive anything

We still joked around at the end, and I guess she still enjoys talking to me (if not, too late, I already have her phone number!). Would like to meet up with her in person just to figure her out better, though she's apparently pretty sick right now (she noted that before we even started talking much). Not going to really think much more about it though (I'm trying the "don't care too much" mode too). If she really is that serious (and/or most of our conversations will be like that), then don't think we'd be a good match (maybe not even as friends).

Next time she tries to make you uncomfortable with guilt-trips and politically correct etiquette, call her on it. Make fun of her for her unexpected seriousness, without showing any sign of anger or frustration.
Also, I would advice you to read the last four pages and check out how many guys have seen a date postponed or cancelled because of a girl being "sick". Happens a lot around here, to girls from all ages, all continents and all types.
It's incredible how girls are susceptible to colds, fevers and all sorts of illness when they have to be on a date, and yet they don't miss a day of work even if they have to crawl with a raging fever and a broken limb.

So, I have what is essentially a double date tonight. It's with my roommate and his gf, and his gf's friend. Although he keeps insisting it's not a setup, it clearly is. I know nothing about this girl, and my roommate is being a cryptic asshole about what information he gives me.

I've been in the same place from time to time. The first thing I'd say is: check your friend's agenda. 90% of the times when a guy-friend plans a double date is usually with a girl he struck out with: if he keeps cock-blocking and putting you on the spot (he tells "amusing" stories about your fails, interrupts you or says you are lying when you are telling something positive about yourself) ignore the girl completely and focus on your friend and his girlfriend.
If they play "honeymoon" (giggle with each other, call themselves with nicknames, kiss in public as if they are having steamy sex) that's actually helping you, since they are basically setting the mood for the date and you can actually get into a lot of closeness without coming off as clingy and needy.

edit: also, what MacGurcules says about cutting out some alone time. It's very effective.

 

[Jimothy]

I could use a little dating advice. So this girl I met online and I have gone out on two dates which have been pretty damn good (the first date ended in a kiss), but something happened last night that has made me second guess whether I want to see her again. About a week ago I suggested we go out for dinner this weekend and she happily agreed. She said she was going out with her friends on Friday so Saturday works better. Cool. So we go to a Mexican place last night and the conversation was pretty decent I guess. About half an hour into the date she brings up that she told her friends she would be free at 11 to go out AGAIN even when she told me repeatedly during dinner that she was exhausted from the previous night. Whatever. So we finish dinner and start walking aimlessly for the subway. She is texting her friends the entire time to arrange where they're gonne meet and even takes a call from one of them. I'm usually pretty laid back but texting/calling during a date is one of my biggest pet peeves. I put on a happy face or whatever and she apologizes. Apparently the plan is for her and her friends to back to their apartment to pregame. I'm still not really too upset by this point because I assume that she'd invite me over because the date had been going so well up to this point, but she never brings it up, so I kind of awkwardly say I want to start walking back to my apartment. We awkwardly say goodbye without a kiss, and I immediately feel like the date was a disaster.

Now, should I be as upset as I am that she didn't invite me along, or am I overblowing this entire thing? Like, if I had plans with people after a date I would ask the girl if she wanted to come along because it just seems like common courtesy, but I know it's a big deal for a girl to introduce a guy to her friends so it may is different for her. Also the fact that she was texting and calling during the date was incredibly rude in retrospect. I personally would never think to do anything like that. The thing is I really like her and she's incredibly attractive, but I can tell this whole ordeal is going to fester to the point where going out with her again may be impossible for me. So again I ask, am I right to feel hurt by the way she was acting?

 

[Minamu]

Separate question to the one above as well:

So during a conversation, I often find the most boring questions (and boring answers) i get asked are the following:

1. What do I do for a living?
2. What did I graduate with?
3. How was your weekend?
4. How are you?

I know the concept of filler questions but is there any better way to answer 1 and 2? For me, I just want to get these questions as over with as possible because I can't think of a more creative way to answer'em. Specifically:

1. Software QA
2. Math

3 and 4 - I have shit memory so when I get asked this, I'm not sure on how the best way to field this answer is other than "yeah it was good/okay". Actually, I'd like to know how some people who date often tend to answer 3 and 4.

Thanks all

Well either own it for 1 and 2, or draw attention away from it faster. And of course, don't ask those questions yourself, nobody rarely cares, it's just automatic cold talk. Keep conversations light, fun and about escaping from the daily life. I usually answer sincerely, I'm a video game designer, or just designer, depending on my mood. Or I joke it off and say I dance for money (if I'm at a club and nowhere serious). If they don't like it, which happens more often than it should, since I'm usually around young uni kids, they can go to hell

As for 3 and 4, those questions are fine in both directions. People love to talk about themselves so it doesn't really matter all that much what YOU say. Again, it's about escape so being truly honest isn't always a great thing, since it might ruin their moods as well. If you lead a less than stellar and exciting life, perhaps work on fixing that. But also turn the questions on their head and ask the same thing back at them. Preferrably, you'll see less and less of the standard greeting questions with more experience. If you take more of a command of the conversations and ask positive questions (I tend to follow one guideline, which is to only ask questions I really do find interesting and actually desire an answer to), it might be easier to avoid the boring stuff. I also suggest working on keeping your spirits up. You're not just okay/good, you're excellent, having a blast, feeling awesome. In social situations, it's always better to be at the same, or higher, level of excitement as the ones you're talking to. I hope that helps you a bit and gives you a direction at least.

 

[RC Cola]

Next time she tries to make you uncomfortable with guilt-trips and politically correct etiquette, call her on it. Make fun of her for her unexpected seriousness, without showing any sign of anger or frustration.
Also, I would advice you to read the last four pages and check out how many guys have seen a date postponed or cancelled because of a girl being "sick". Happens a lot around here, to girls from all ages, all continents and all types.
It's incredible how girls are susceptible to colds, fevers and all sorts of illness when they have to be on a date, and yet they don't miss a day of work even if they have to crawl with a raging fever and a broken limb.

Yeah, I already thought about calling her out, or doing something similar (basically letting her know I'm not comfortable). It was a bit random last night, and in her defense, she seemed to think it was OK that I said it (just pointing it out I guess). I'll have to feel this one out some more to figure out exactly what she's like.

As for the rest, I had already considered that, though it seems a bit different here. I probably didn't explain it properly, but she was telling me she was sick right from the start (and she was initiating most of it). Our chats started something like this:

Her: We should do things.
Me: Sure, how about __?
Her: I'm sick right now, so things will have to wait until I get better.
More chats where I get her name, her number, etc.

I think she might have even sent out a broadcast that she was sick, though I might be remembering wrong. I guess she could still be avoiding going on a date, though seems different from other cases.

As I said earlier, I don't really care either way. If she is just making it up (or whatever), and doesn't want to go out, fine with me. If she really is sick and really does want to meet up, also fine with me.

 

[NeOak]

I could use a little dating advice. So this girl I met online and I have gone out on two dates which have been pretty damn good (the first date ended in a kiss), but something happened last night that has made me second guess whether I want to see her again. About a week ago I suggested we go out for dinner this weekend and she happily agreed. She said she was going out with her friends on Friday so Saturday works better. Cool. So we go to a Mexican place last night and the conversation was pretty decent I guess. About half an hour into the date she brings up that she told her friends she would be free at 11 to go out AGAIN even when she told me repeatedly during dinner that she was exhausted from the previous night. Whatever. So we finish dinner and start walking aimlessly for the subway. She is texting her friends the entire time to arrange where they're gonne meet and even takes a call from one of them. I'm usually pretty laid back but texting/calling during a date is one of my biggest pet peeves. I put on a happy face or whatever and she apologizes. Apparently the plan is for her and her friends to back to their apartment to pregame. I'm still not really too upset by this point because I assume that she'd invite me over because the date had been going so well up to this point, but she never brings it up, so I kind of awkwardly say I want to start walking back to my apartment. We awkwardly say goodbye without a kiss, and I immediately feel like the date was a disaster.

Now, should I be as upset as I am that she didn't invite me along, or am I overblowing this entire thing? Like, if I had plans with people after a date I would ask the girl if she wanted to come along because it just seems like common courtesy, but I know it's a big deal for a girl to introduce a guy to her friends so it may is different for her. Also the fact that she was texting and calling during the date was incredibly rude in retrospect. I personally would never think to do anything like that. The thing is I really like her and she's incredibly attractive, but I can tell this whole ordeal is going to fester to the point where going out with her again may be impossible for me. So again I ask, am I right to feel hurt by the way she was acting?

What a bitch. Seriously. No respect at all man.

 

[Log4Girlz]

I could use a little dating advice. So this girl I met online and I have gone out on two dates which have been pretty damn good (the first date ended in a kiss), but something happened last night that has made me second guess whether I want to see her again. About a week ago I suggested we go out for dinner this weekend and she happily agreed. She said she was going out with her friends on Friday so Saturday works better. Cool. So we go to a Mexican place last night and the conversation was pretty decent I guess. About half an hour into the date she brings up that she told her friends she would be free at 11 to go out AGAIN even when she told me repeatedly during dinner that she was exhausted from the previous night. Whatever. So we finish dinner and start walking aimlessly for the subway. She is texting her friends the entire time to arrange where they're gonne meet and even takes a call from one of them. I'm usually pretty laid back but texting/calling during a date is one of my biggest pet peeves. I put on a happy face or whatever and she apologizes. Apparently the plan is for her and her friends to back to their apartment to pregame. I'm still not really too upset by this point because I assume that she'd invite me over because the date had been going so well up to this point, but she never brings it up, so I kind of awkwardly say I want to start walking back to my apartment. We awkwardly say goodbye without a kiss, and I immediately feel like the date was a disaster.

Now, should I be as upset as I am that she didn't invite me along, or am I overblowing this entire thing? Like, if I had plans with people after a date I would ask the girl if she wanted to come along because it just seems like common courtesy, but I know it's a big deal for a girl to introduce a guy to her friends so it may is different for her. Also the fact that she was texting and calling during the date was incredibly rude in retrospect. I personally would never think to do anything like that. The thing is I really like her and she's incredibly attractive, but I can tell this whole ordeal is going to fester to the point where going out with her again may be impossible for me. So again I ask, am I right to feel hurt by the way she was acting?

She doesn't give a fuck about you. Sorry.

 

[SquiddyCracker]

She doesn't give a fuck about you. Sorry.

More or less.

 

[Old Lace]

I went to a party last night. Somehow ended up getting cock blocked again. Shit sucks. It's my fault though. I should've got her number when I met her last week and set something up. But it's so hard to remember that stuff when you're in a loud ass bar with a large group of people.

 

[Jimothy]

What a bitch. Seriously. No respect at all man.

She doesn't give a fuck about you. Sorry.

Thanks for backing up what I was thinking. I'm not going to bring up hanging out with her again. I may consider it if she initiates but I'm going to tell her how I feel beforehand. If she has a problem with it, fuck her. I've got a couple more options right now so I'm not going to settle for this bullshit.

 

[Log4Girlz]

Thanks for backing up what I was thinking. I'm not going to bring up hanging out with her again. I may consider it if she initiates but I'm going to tell her how I feel beforehand. If she has a problem with it, fuck her. I've got a couple more options right now so I'm not going to settle for this bullshit.

No. Who cares if she initiates...you're better than that.

 

[MacGurcules]

Thanks for backing up what I was thinking. I'm not going to bring up hanging out with her again. I may consider it if she initiates but I'm going to tell her how I feel beforehand. If she has a problem with it, fuck her. I've got a couple more options right now so I'm not going to settle for this bullshit.

If you're into her, it's worth at least letter her know how you feel about it. If she catches an attitude when you tell her you were kind of offended, then no big deal. You don't have to talk to her ever again. It's no different than if you just cut off contact right now.

But if she actually realizes that she was being kind of shitty and apologizes, it could be worth giving her another shot.

 

[TheExodu5]

Yeah I'm having similar issues with the girl I've been seeing. Been on a few dates and they've been great, but she's kind of blown me off since. I sent a text asking her if she was still at all interested and she said she was (basically gave her an out and she didn't take it), and yet she still blows me off. Asked her if I could see her soon earlier this week (she's really busy with full time job + heavy school workload) and she said that we could do something. I told her to let me know when she was free and nothing since. I know she's pretty stressed out lately and I'm trying to leave her some space, but it feels like a lack of respect that she's not even putting the least bit of effort into this.

Mixed messages all around.

 

[Minamu]

The problem is always only knowing one side of the story. Both of these girls may or may not have perfectly legit reasons for their behaviors. I'm seeing early signs of over thinking it in both of you to be honest.

 

[Dr Duncan Steel]

Man, how in the blue hell do you talk to girls that mean well, but clearly show that they're shy as hell and respond with only one word even when I ask things about her? Is she just not into me personally? Because I'm beginning to think that way now. But her demeanor just seem otherwise. Probably just being nice. Still, how do you even approach that? Just pursue? I mean to really have a conversation, is to keep talking right?

What are my red lights basically?

EDIT: Also I only see her in a classroom, where I meet most women I'm interested in :/ Then she JETS when the class is over.

 

[FUCK]

Yeah I'm having similar issues with the girl I've been seeing. Been on a few dates and they've been great, but she's kind of blown me off since. I sent a text asking her if she was still at all interested and she said she was (basically gave her an out and she didn't take it), and yet she still blows me off. Asked her if I could see her soon earlier this week (she's really busy with full time job + heavy school workload) and she said that we could do something. I told her to let me know when she was free and nothing since. I know she's pretty stressed out lately and I'm trying to leave her some space, but it feels like a lack of respect that she's not even putting the least bit of effort into this.

Mixed messages all around.

Well we've all been there brotha.
Same old story, old as technology that allows text messaging.
Thing is I think messages are too easy to ignore.
that and I wished things were more black and white in the dating world
a simple "I don't like you like that" would suffice upfront
and would save you some time and grief.
but thats just it sometimes they never respond back, just move on to the next one.
Thing is dating from a women's perspective is mostly effortless.

 

[TheExodu5]

The problem is always only knowing one side of the story. Both of these girls may or may not have perfectly legit reasons for their behaviors. I'm seeing early signs of over thinking it in both of you to be honest.

Oh, she has perfectly legit reasons. She has a stressful job (I work for the same company and happen to know the project she's working on) and does overtime, and she just started two classes with really heavy workloads. It's just frustrating that she shows interest and then just kind of goes incommunicado and doesn't keep me in the loop at all. I mean the fact that I gave her the out and she still insists she's interested must mean something, but considering I haven't seen her in about a month says something else. In any case, I've decided I'll just cease communication on my end until/if she shows some active interest.

Well we've all been there brotha.
Same old story, old as technology that allows text messaging.
Thing is I think messages are too easy to ignore.
that and I wished things were more black and white in the dating world
a simple "I don't like you like that" would suffice upfront
and would save you some time and grief.
but thats just it sometimes they never respond back, just move on to the next one.
Thing is dating from a women's perspective is mostly effortless.

Here's the thing.

I asked her out for a third date and she didn't respond. I sent a followup text the next day saying "I know you've been busy lately so if you just need some time to rest I completely understand. If you're just not interest anymore though I'd like to know as well". She responded saying she didn't see my last text and felt really horrible, but she couldn't do anything that weekend. We've still talked a bit since but it's mostly about her heavy courseload and that she's even busier than before.

Thing is, she's a good friend of one of my best friends. We will see each other through friends regardless sooner or later, so it's not like she could just ignore me without some form of closure, at least that's how I see it.

In any case, I'm done worrying about it. I won't pretend to understand her full side of the story, and will give her the benefit of the doubt. I have plenty on my plate to keep me busy at the moment so there's no reason for me to stress about it.

 

[FUCK]

Man, how in the blue hell do you talk to girls that mean well, but clearly show that they're shy as hell and respond with only one word even when I ask things about her? Is she just not into me personally? Because I'm beginning to think that way now. But her demeanor just seem otherwise. Probably just being nice. Still, how do you even approach that? Just pursue? I mean to really have a conversation, is to keep talking right?

What are my red lights basically?

EDIT: Also I only see her in a classroom, where I meet most women I'm interested in :/ Then she JETS when the class is over.

You ever thought about being blunt as possible ?
mostly saying one word responses shows lack of care.
It can get exhausting though having to carry nearly the weight of every conversation.
honestly Bail out, if she seems disinterested. it'll save you time and grief in the long run.

 

[TheExodu5]

You ever thought about being blunt as possible ?
mostly saying one word responses shows lack of care.
It can get exhausting though having to carry nearly the weight of every conversation.
honestly Bail out, if she seems disinterested. it'll save you time and grief in the long run.

Some people are just really socially awkward, guys as well as girls. In any case, if he doesn't enjoy talking to her, I don't see the point whether it's because of disinterest or a lack of social behavior.

 

[Dr Duncan Steel]

I remember in high school, I just tried to be as blunt as possible and it blew up on my face to a point where I lost two good friends (at least I thought they were) out of it. That's why I was never really an aggressor ever since and It's killing me inside.

I mean hey, every girl is different right? :/

 

[FUCK]

I remember in high school, I just tried to be as blunt as possible and it blew up on my face to a point where I lost two good friends (at least I thought they were) out of it. That's why I was never really an aggressor ever since and It's killing me inside.

I mean hey, every girl is different right? :/

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5t5qODy-8Pk (soundtrack to my post)

Well one thing I've learn over the course of many relationships and dating is, there is no real rhythm or reason for anything
Things just happen one way or another purely randomly or luck, or reality of a situation thats beyond anyones control.
I've got into my last two long term relationships because the girl did all the work and pursued me.
And honestly it never made much sense to me (any of it)
"Sometimes you're flush and sometimes you're bust, and when you're up, it's never as good as it seems, and when you're down, you never think you'll be up again, but life goes on." (Blow 2001)

Enjoy the fucking ride, it'll be over before you know it.

 

[Dr Duncan Steel]

Thanks FUCK

My friend once told me, that everything just happens and most things are achieved by chance. You yourself can only increase your odds.

Again, out of the three times I've talked to her she never really seemed to be disinterested. She's really soft-spoken but nice. One time my friend (who's in the same class as mine) told her he saw her YouTube channel then she rallied over to me and talked to me about the class before when we were partners about something. I don't wanna get into detail about. So she's kinda've on the come up I guess.

Also, what's the natural etiquette of adding this girl on Facebook? Having talked to her three times would make it seem weird. But hey I know the mutual friend is in the same class. So it ain't weird right?

One last thing people say about me is that I overthink EVERYTHING.

 

[FUCK]

Thanks FUCK

My friend once told me, that everything just happens and most things are achieved by chance. You yourself can only increase your odds.

Again, out of the three times I've talked to her she never really seemed to be disinterested. She's really soft-spoken but nice. One time my friend (who's in the same class as mine) told her he saw her YouTube channel then she rallied over to me and talked to me about the class before when we were partners about something. I don't wanna get into detail about. So she's kinda've on the come up I guess.

Also, what's the natural etiquette of adding this girl on Facebook? Having talked to her three times would make it seem weird. But hey I know the mutual friend is in the same class. So it ain't weird right?

One last thing people say about me is that I overthink EVERYTHING.

Welcome, Steel

to me, Facebook seems like an unnatural way of keeping in touch with people you barely even care about or know most of the time.

true dat, most of the time there are far too many variables at play to make sense of anything, throw tech into the mix, EG facebook, and instant messages and things even get more confusing.

in a sense I don't really think anyone has any idea what the FUCK they are exactly doing, (dating or relationship wise) no one is completely 100% sure of themselves all the time
(women included)

so all I can really say is good luck. your chances are 50/50 so are everybody elses.

 

[yami4ct]

I'm not gonna lie guys, trying to break out of my anxiety filled bubble has been tough. I've made some steps forward, but it's a constant fight to keep from slipping right back to my old ways. It's weird, I don't want it to happen. I want to fight it every moment I feel it coming on, but it's like my mind doesn't care at all. The only new routine I've been able to reliably keep up is my new daily exercise routine. It's been tough, but I've definitely have been feeling way better knowing that I'm not giving up on that. I'm hoping that feeling will translate to just more confidence in every day life.

So, yeah. Still keeping up the fight here on my end. I'm not going to let my stupidly overactive thought processes beat me like they have since the end of high school. I'm going to change things this time. Still not exactly sure how I work this out in the end, but it's going to happen. Keep on routing for me, fellow GAFers. The words of encouragement you've given me so far have helped, but I've got a long ways to go before I feel like I'm back at the point where I need to be socially by this time in my life.

 

[Magni]

So is this just the dating thread or both dating and relationship advice? Looking more and more like I'll be posting in here regardless :/

 

[Pau]

So is this just the dating thread or both dating and relationship advice? Looking more and more like I'll be posting in here regardless :/

There's a long term relationship thread but it's not as active. We have people who come in here asking for relationship advice outside of casual dating, so I'd say it's both.

 

[Minamu]

So is this just the dating thread or both dating and relationship advice? Looking more and more like I'll be posting in here regardless :/

It's for just about everything. Dating, one night stands, relationships, FWB's, homo/bi/straight, we've got it all We've been focusing a lot on general personal development too as a way to get the rest going, as it all starts on the inside.

 

[A Human Becoming]

I had an interesting night. So, I'm moving in with a friend of mine at the beginning of October. One reason is because it's 5 minutes away from my college campus versus 75 now. There's really not a good way from my current residence to the campus, so it would suck driving in the winter.

After my class last night, instead of driving home, I stayed over her place. I had done so the previous week as a test run before deciding to move in. Everything was pretty normal at first, we were just talking in my "future" room on my "future" bed; same thing happened the previous week. After she didn't leave a couple times at appropriate opportunities, when she mentioned she was cold I put my hand around her (it really is cold in her house). Somehow that resulted in us cuddling and eventually making out. Then we were on top of each other grinding, slowly taking our clothes off and other sexual content. We would have had sex if I'd found my wallet in the dark, which had condoms inside. Probably for the best we didn't anyway, but she was definitely down for it.

That all happened in the course of 6 hours. It was around 4 AM when we finally stopped to sleep; Neither of us really slept much. I don't have anything planned today, but she had to wake up at 7. She won't be back until later tonight giving me the day to actually get work done. Before she left we were kissing and I was wrapping my hands around her.

I honestly had no intention of hooking up with her; I expected it to be strictly platonic, which she made a joke about after. I had an inkling she had a thing for me, but I don't know how I feel about her, so I wasn't planning on doing anything. That's not to say I'm leading her on, as I do like her, just not confident it has long term potential. Every nice thing I said about her I meant, except one, which I regret. I told her she was beautiful, when I really thought pretty. I make an effort to always be sincere so I'm kicking myself for it.

 

[Tsukumo]

I could use a little dating advice.

Jimothy, I've read your exploits on the OkCupid thread. I think she got under your skin because you let your judgement get clouded by her looks. I don't think you need advice.

So this girl I met online and I have gone out on two dates which have been pretty damn good (the first date ended in a kiss), but something happened last night that has made me second guess whether I want to see her again. About a week ago I suggested we go out for dinner this weekend and she happily agreed. She said she was going out with her friends on Friday so Saturday works better. Cool. So we go to a Mexican place last night and the conversation was pretty decent I guess. About half an hour into the date she brings up that she told her friends she would be free at 11 to go out AGAIN even when she told me repeatedly during dinner that she was exhausted from the previous night.

Living the life. I don't see why you stressed the again thing though: judging from your posts in the OKC thread this looks like the type of girl you go for.

Whatever. So we finish dinner and start walking aimlessly for the subway. She is texting her friends the entire time to arrange where they're gonne meet and even takes a call from one of them. I'm usually pretty laid back but texting/calling during a date is one of my biggest pet peeves.

since these things bother you I think it would be better for you to come up pre-emptively with some plan-B for these scenarios. You could for example use the Minamu line about the "cell free zone" (it's light hearted and doesn't make you look angry) or start paying attention to something else as if she is not there, which is what I do.
Say she is chatting over the phone and not giving you any attention. Say you like music and you are in a mall: target the closest music store, go in, browse stuff as if that's the reason you got there in the first place: whatever the outcome, you are giving her the same treatment she is giving you. Even if she doesn't follow you around (which never happens) at least you won't feel bad about her shutting you out.
Anyway, as I've said before, the best way to react to girls who ignore you/act distracted is to do what you would do with a guy, up to calling her "buddy" or "dude": girls who show this attitude have learned to do that because they have learned that when they are not surrounded by their family members or their friends (who look at them as people and not sexual partners) they can get away with all the things that would otherwise get them grounded, ostracized or put down.

I put on a happy face or whatever and she apologizes. Apparently the plan is for her and her friends to back to their apartment to pregame. I'm still not really too upset by this point because I assume that she'd invite me over because the date had been going so well up to this point, but she never brings it up, so I kind of awkwardly say I want to start walking back to my apartment. We awkwardly say goodbye without a kiss, and I immediately feel like the date was a disaster.

I think that's quite clear you have an easy-going attitude and you have said yourself you have a "don't give a f---" mentality. Honestly, I think that words like "common courtesy" and "rude" don't seem to apply to the sort of flow you have with girls: I've never seen you complain about this stuff before. I think you would have call her out on both counts (the texting and the not inviting you) hadn't you been afraid of doing/saying something wrong.
It's strange she gave you this attitude on the second date, as I think this is behaviour that is usually reserved to first dates for girls like these, but still: what she did was simply to call you out on the way you behave and the way you present yourself (in your OKC profile). She was expecting you to Judge Dredd her.

Now, should I be as upset as I am that she didn't invite me along, or am I overblowing this entire thing? Like, if I had plans with people after a date I would ask the girl if she wanted to come along because it just seems like common courtesy, but I know it's a big deal for a girl to introduce a guy to her friends so it may is different for her. Also the fact that she was texting and calling during the date was incredibly rude in retrospect. I personally would never think to do anything like that. The thing is I really like her and she's incredibly attractive, but I can tell this whole ordeal is going to fester to the point where going out with her again may be impossible for me. So again I ask, am I right to feel hurt by the way she was acting?

I'd say no.
Disrespect is when she knows there's a guy in your group of friends you hate to death and as soon as she meets them, she targets him and start to flirt with him like a girl in a teenage Disney tv-show.
This is a girl playing the only cards she has: beauty and aloofness.

It's for just about everything. Dating, one night stands, relationships, FWB's, homo/bi/straight, we've got it all We've been focusing a lot on general personal development too as a way to get the rest going, as it all starts on the inside.

Awesomeness!

 

[Minamu]

I had an interesting night. So, I'm moving in with a friend of mine at the beginning of October. One reason is because it's 5 minutes away from my college campus versus 75 now. There's really not a good way from my current residence to the campus, so it would suck driving in the winter.

After my class last night, instead of driving home, I stayed over her place. I had done so the previous week as a test run before deciding to move in. Everything was pretty normal at first, we were just talking in my "future" room on my "future" bed; same thing happened the previous week. After she didn't leave a couple times at appropriate opportunities, when she mentioned she was cold I put my hand around her (it really is cold in her house). Somehow that resulted in us cuddling and eventually making out. Then we were on top of each other grinding, slowly taking our clothes off and other sexual content. We would have had sex if I'd found my wallet in the dark, which had condoms inside. Probably for the best we didn't anyway, but she was definitely down for it.

That all happened in the course of 6 hours. It was around 4 AM when we finally stopped to sleep; Neither of us really slept much. I don't have anything planned today, but she had to wake up at 7. She won't be back until later tonight giving me the day to actually get work done. Before she left we were kissing and I was wrapping my hands around her.

I honestly had no intention of hooking up with her; I expected it to be strictly platonic, which she made a joke about after. I had an inkling she had a thing for me, but I don't know how I feel about her, so I wasn't planning on doing anything. That's not to say I'm leading her on, as I do like her, just not confident it has long term potential. Every nice thing I said about her I meant, except one, which I regret. I told her she was beautiful, when I really thought pretty. I make an effort to always be sincere so I'm kicking myself for it.

It doesn't sound like you need any videos from me xD But I also gotta say, this situation sounds dangerous as hell.

 

[A Human Becoming]

It doesn't sound like you need any videos from me xD But I also gotta say, this situation sounds dangerous as hell.

It is. I don't want to hurt her. She is a good friend.

 

[Gucci Messiah]

I had an interesting night. So, I'm moving in with a friend of mine at the beginning of October. One reason is because it's 5 minutes away from my college campus versus 75 now. There's really not a good way from my current residence to the campus, so it would suck driving in the winter.

After my class last night, instead of driving home, I stayed over her place. I had done so the previous week as a test run before deciding to move in. Everything was pretty normal at first, we were just talking in my "future" room on my "future" bed; same thing happened the previous week. After she didn't leave a couple times at appropriate opportunities, when she mentioned she was cold I put my hand around her (it really is cold in her house). Somehow that resulted in us cuddling and eventually making out. Then we were on top of each other grinding, slowly taking our clothes off and other sexual content. We would have had sex if I'd found my wallet in the dark, which had condoms inside. Probably for the best we didn't anyway, but she was definitely down for it.

That all happened in the course of 6 hours. It was around 4 AM when we finally stopped to sleep; Neither of us really slept much. I don't have anything planned today, but she had to wake up at 7. She won't be back until later tonight giving me the day to actually get work done. Before she left we were kissing and I was wrapping my hands around her.

I honestly had no intention of hooking up with her; I expected it to be strictly platonic, which she made a joke about after. I had an inkling she had a thing for me, but I don't know how I feel about her, so I wasn't planning on doing anything. That's not to say I'm leading her on, as I do like her, just not confident it has long term potential. Every nice thing I said about her I meant, except one, which I regret. I told her she was beautiful, when I really thought pretty. I make an effort to always be sincere so I'm kicking myself for it.

Sounds like you've got a good thing going

 

[Starviper]

Kinda curious to hear what you guys make of this situation. So I've known this girl for a long long time, we dated in high school for a bit and fooled around openly a bit. Now we're living together in the same apartment as roommates. It's been really great and we get along well. Now, we didn't really do anything with each other for the first month or so. She was seeing someone and I've been keeping busy going to music festivals and downtown, trying to keep my business separate. I'd had a couple of girls over, some via online dating and others that I had known for awhile.

Anyways, to cut to the chase she knows i'm very open and she told me she had broken up with who she was with like a couple weeks into living together. We got kinda drunk one night watching anime and fooled around. It was a bit awkward but we slept together and she stayed in my bed when I went to work the next day. A few days later the same sort of thing happened, but far less awkward and less alcohol involved. It was really great! Later in the morning she went off into her own room and since then she's been keeping some distance from me.

We haven't really talked about any of it at all. It just happened. And it felt great! We're aware that we definitely are attracted to each other, just there's something kinda strange to me about sleeping with the roommate and I was going to another music festival with friends this weekend so.. I'm really not sure if I should say something to her about all this or just let it be and keep going on. I'm open to poly, but I think she's looking for something more serious.. It's been bothering me a bit. And I do like her quite a lot, she's a great friend to me but we've dated for a bit before and it really didn't work out. It's been five years since those times. Just a lot of jumbled emotions and uncertainty. What do you guys make of all this?

 

[Raiden]

Anyone got rejected on trying to kiss a girl but have stuff turned out allright in the end?


Here is the little story:

About two weeks ago i briefly met with a friend of mine in a bar, she had some other friends with her as well and i briefly spoke to one of them as well 5 minutes or so. But you know sometimes you can tell when a girl is into you. After that short time i took my other friends somewhere else and didnt see them again until last friday.

Things kicked on pretty well, we we're all dancing having a drink with the group and she seemed to be drawn to me. Coming over to talk, dance etc. We get a couple more drinks and before i know it she grabs me at my collar and pulls me towards her. We get really intimate with dancing and stuff and she mentions random stuff like "you know i'm really critical when it comes to boys" dont know exactly what i responded but whatever. At this point it has become obvious to everybody that we're getting close and whatnot.

So by the end of the night i jokingly say to her "so when are you going to ask for my number?" to which she replied "you know i was thinking the same thing about you"'

So i got her number and we said our goodbyes but i was thinking well i'll at least try to kiss her now, so after the standard peck on the cheek i told her to come here grabbed her hands and went for it. Only to get the cheek.

Which kinda bummed me out because thats the first time it happened with a girl which i thought was into me.

So we go home and i send her a lame text "Hey it was nice meeting you, see you soon" to which she replied that it was nice meeting me too and that she'll be going out more in my town because she had fun. I left it at that. But the next morning she adds me on Facebook, which is cool. And then sunday she texts me telling what kind of perfume she was wearing(because i asked friday) we exhange some texts, small talk.

And then yesterday she randomly texts me that she heard about my plans for this weekend(from our mutual friend). I replied to that text on FB and we end up talking for a good while and we kinda make plans to go out this saturday. Not as a date just kinda with the same group again.

I can understand not really wanting to kiss someone from the first time you met them, but it kinda bummed me out because i was sure of it. Or maybe all the other girls i kissed we're a bit easier

 

[MacGurcules]

Kinda curious to hear what you guys make of this situation. So I've known this girl for a long long time, we dated in high school for a bit and fooled around openly a bit. Now we're living together in the same apartment as roommates. It's been really great and we get along well. Now, we didn't really do anything with each other for the first month or so. She was seeing someone and I've been keeping busy going to music festivals and downtown, trying to keep my business separate. I'd had a couple of girls over, some via online dating and others that I had known for awhile.

Anyways, to cut to the chase she knows i'm very open and she told me she had broken up with who she was with like a couple weeks into living together. We got kinda drunk one night watching anime and fooled around. It was a bit awkward but we slept together and she stayed in my bed when I went to work the next day. A few days later the same sort of thing happened, but far less awkward and less alcohol involved. It was really great! Later in the morning she went off into her own room and since then she's been keeping some distance from me.

We haven't really talked about any of it at all. It just happened. And it felt great! We're aware that we definitely are attracted to each other, just there's something kinda strange to me about sleeping with the roommate and I was going to another music festival with friends this weekend so.. I'm really not sure if I should say something to her about all this or just let it be and keep going on. I'm open to poly, but I think she's looking for something more serious.. It's been bothering me a bit. And I do like her quite a lot, she's a great friend to me but we've dated for a bit before and it really didn't work out. It's been five years since those times. Just a lot of jumbled emotions and uncertainty. What do you guys make of all this?

Have a good, long think about what you want out of this situation and then talk to her about it. You could have a nice thing going if you guys are both cool with just having a casual thing on the side. But if she's looking looking to get more committed than you are, it's not fair to string her along. The distance may be her way of keeping it casual or it may be realizing that it's a bad idea for her to get involved. Either way, find out.

 

[Magni]

There's a long term relationship thread but it's not as active. We have people who come in here asking for relationship advice outside of casual dating, so I'd say it's both.

It's for just about everything. Dating, one night stands, relationships, FWB's, homo/bi/straight, we've got it all We've been focusing a lot on general personal development too as a way to get the rest going, as it all starts on the inside.

Thanks guys, I remembered a relationship thread but couldn't find it with a quick search so I figured it was dead.

I'm currently in a long distance relationship with a girl, currently over two and a half years together. It hasn't been distance the whole time, eight months together, four apart, one together, four apart, eight together, etc. Right now we're midway through our last bit of distance, I already have my (one way) plane ticket for January, just in time for our three years. All this to say that I don't think our current troubles are due to the distance (since we've already done three times four months transatlantic distance).

The only thing that's different this time is that it's a bit longer (six months instead of four), that she's no longer in college but in grad school, and that I'm no longer at my home university in France but studying abroad in Chile (which I though would help things since it reduces the time difference by quite a bit).

But for the past two months, almost immediately after I dropped her off at the airport in Paris in July, things have been getting progressively worse. We've been talking less and less, barely Skyping or messaging at all. Part of this is due to our schedules, we're both very busy, but I've managed to Skype a friend of mine in Tokyo (12 hours difference) who works six days a week a ton. And even when you're busy you can still send a quick message in the morning or before going to bed.

We finally managed to Skype around two weeks ago where I finally asked her what was up because I couldn't take it anymore (I ended up feeling like I was single...) and she told me she's been feeling sick just thinking about January (because it signals commitment to her), that she's afraid that I'm wasting my time with her and that she doesn't want me to resent her for not letting me be free while in Chile. She also told me that she had been avoiding talking to me because she wanted to make herself miss me (?). We've barely talked since, except to try and organize another Skype to talk things out, because this sort of thing doesn't really work by text.

I don't know yet when we will be able to, I'm out of town this weekend, potentially the next, and for sure the one after that, and it's a lot harder to talk during the week because of her insane schedule. I just don't know what to do, I care a ton about this girl, I wouldn't have gone through a long distance relationship if I didn't think this was a girl I could go the distance with, and I know that she loves me, so why is everything crumbling now that we're almost done with the hardest part?

I was initially planning on moving in with her when I get back to the US, in Jersey where she is now for grad school, but if she's that scared about what it means for her I wouldn't be against getting my own place at first. But, that would mean that I'd be living the city (where I'll be working) because I can't justify a 1h+ commute everyday if I'm not staying with her, and that in turn means more distance, albeit much smaller. And as much as I love this girl I don't know how long I can wait for her :/

The worst part is we lived together our first eight months together before the first bit of distance, so it's not like this would be something completely new. She's told me that she's scared of trapping me, since I won't have a backup place to go to in case things go south (our first eight months I kept my room while staying at her place the whole time), but I have money saved up and can easily afford to spend a few nights at a hotel while searching for a flat, not to mention I have friends in the city where I could squat if it really came down to that.

Sorry for the wall of text (this feels more like a LiveJournal post than a forum post asking for advice...), but I needed to get it off my chest I guess. Has anyone been through a similar situation?

 

[yami4ct]

Ok. Got lucky again and got grouped with a really cute girl in my history class. Second time in the two class periods we've had. She's totally my type. Cute, intelligent, nice. Haven't gotten to talk outside of group discussions, but I'm definitely going to ask her out at some point in the not too distant future.

Ever since I've reestablished my way of looking for dates, it's all been a lot easier. I already anticipate her saying no. She's definitely one of the more busy types and I could easily see a "I don't have time for dating" reaction, which is fine. Go in expecting a no and you have zero risk for trying. Honestly, at this point I'm just content with the fact I still am willing to make attempts.

 

[MacGurcules]

***Long Distance Woes***

This isn't necessarily the case, but my barely-informed, third-party, gut feeling tells me that she's deflecting some of her own feelings onto you. She's afraid she's wasting your time. She doesn't want you to feel tied down while you're away. She doesn't want you to feel trapped when you come back. That says to me that she's feeling like she might be trapped, tied down, or wasting time, herself.

I don't want to go reinforcing any insecurities you might be experiencing, but I get the impression she isn't giving you the whole truth. Clearly she's got cold feet about seeing you again and there's likely a reason for it that you're just not hearing.

 

[Magni]

This isn't necessarily the case, but my barely-informed, third-party, gut feeling tells me that she's deflecting some of her own feelings onto you. She's afraid she's wasting your time. She doesn't want you to feel tied down while you're away. She doesn't want you to feel trapped when you come back. That says to me that she's feeling like she might be trapped, tied down, or wasting time, herself.

I don't want to go reinforcing any insecurities you might be experiencing, but I get the impression she isn't giving you the whole truth. Clearly she's got cold feet about seeing you again and there's likely a reason for it that you're just not hearing.

I'm afraid that's what it is, I just wish I knew why now after going through all the distance

I still have a sliver of hope left, hope I can talk to her sooner rather than later. I've been living the past week as if I were single (except for the whole kissing and hooking up with other girls part), not sending her messages or looking at her pics etc etc, I'm not ready yet

 

[Raiden]

I'm afraid that's what it is, I just wish I knew why now after going through all the distance

I still have a sliver of hope left, hope I can talk to her sooner rather than later. I've been living the past week as if I were single (except for the whole kissing and hooking up with other girls part), not sending her messages or looking at her pics etc etc, I'm not ready yet

Hope it works out for you man. I cant even imagine how frustrating it must be not to be able to talk about this stuff to her in person.

Not really a helpful post here but heres hoping things turn out well for you two. Which it can.

 

[Pau]

We finally managed to Skype around two weeks ago where I finally asked her what was up because I couldn't take it anymore (I ended up feeling like I was single...) and she told me she's been feeling sick just thinking about January (because it signals commitment to her), that she's afraid that I'm wasting my time with her and that she doesn't want me to resent her for not letting me be free while in Chile. She also told me that she had been avoiding talking to me because she wanted to make herself miss me (?). We've barely talked since, except to try and organize another Skype to talk things out, because this sort of thing doesn't really work by text.

I'm sorry things have been frustrating. I can sort of relate as I'm in a long distance relationship as well but our schedules don't sound anywhere near as busy as yours. But you're right, no matter how busy you are, a quick good morning or good night text is still doable. And in a long distance relationship, those little things go a long way in helping you feel connected to someone who isn't physically there. So while the problem isn't exactly the distance, it's certainly not helping things.

I agree with the other poster that she might be projecting her own feelings on to you. I'd ask her up front if that's the case, and also reassure her that you are not actually feeling those things. But not in an accusatory way. I get that she's probably confused, but in that confusion she seems to be hurting you quite a bit too.

 

[Minamu]

I think I just had my first real encounter with someone on drugs. I don't remember if I mentioned it before but last week or so at the student pub, I was just sitting at a table outside with a friend, talking. All of a sudden, two girls came and sat down on my side of the table. The closest girl was actually pretty nice to talk to and soon got kinda clingy, even kissing me on the cheek. Some time after she left for the bathroom, I ran into her again and her vibe had totally changed, being all apologetic and said that we got off on the wrong foot and everything had gone wrong, before smiling and running off. I didn't even try anything or managed nothing but a surprised okay? I later find out that she has a kid and husband of sorts so that explains it. I saw her again a few days later at a regular club and she's a bit distant but seems to remember me and says hi from a distance. Tonight though, we're back at the student pub and she doesn't seem to remember me at all. I approach her in a sofa to say hello but she keeps shaking her head at me as I come closer and waves me off, eyes red and weird, points at some random guy, telling me to fuck him instead tonight. I asked her if she remembered me at all, and she does, but quickly changes her mind to no. Then as I silently laugh and actually have begun to walk away, she starts screaming at me to leave xD I tell a couple of friends less than five minutes later and them being a bit confrontational, wants us to sit down with her for kicks. I agree reluctantly and we sit down. Does she freak out again? Nope, it looks we've never met at all, shaking hands, telling names, etc. But then her focus shifts to my friend, she starts climbing the sofa like a monkey, bouncing around like a weirdo xD I swear, you can't make this shit up. She tries to drink some water while I find someone's wardrobe ticket. It's not hers apparently but she takes it anyway, fibbling around with it in her hands, stares off into the distance, and then shoots off like a rocket without a word to the bar and starts clinging on some other seemingly random guy. Fucking students, I tell you xD

 

[Log4Girlz]

I need to meet a girl into cookie clicker

 

[Minamu]

I need to meet a girl into cookie clicker

We all have our crosses to bear. Better that than cocaine or whatever this girl was on xD I prefer girls the opposite of myself, I don't want to date myself xD

 

[Kajigger]

Okay GAF, I need some help/encouragement. I just asked this girl out through Facebook and to be honest, I'm eagerly waiting a reply. She seemed to be nervous whenever I talked to her and we've hung out a few times, so I went for it but I'm not too sure. She's been online although according to Facebook she hasn't seen the message yet.

Is nervous laughter a good sign that she's into you, or am I reading into it too much?