MacGurcules
Member
You did good. You reached out. Now it's out of your hands. Don't worry about it one way or the other until you hear something back.
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Dating-Age |OT4| Realise You're Living in the Golden Years
- Thread starter Minamu
- Start date
- Status
Thanks! I guess you're right. No sense in worrying about it until I hear the end result haha.
luckyboyceo
Member
I've been seeing this girl for about three weeks. We went out last weekend and afterwards went to her friend's house party. Despite being very obviously together at this party, a girl there came up and started hitting on me relentlessly. Whenever my date would step out, she'd come over and flirt with me until my date would come back. She followed me on a few social media accounts and added me on Facebook the other night, and we've been talking ever since. I imagine we'll probably meet up again sometime soon.
Am I in the wrong here? I've yet to establish any kind of exclusivity with the girl I've been seeing, but it definitely felt like it was going in that direction. She's made it known that she really likes me, probably more so than I like her. I know there's nothing wrong with exploring my options while I can, but I feel sort of dirty about it considering the girl I've been dating was the reason I met this new girl in the first place. Thoughts?
Am I in the wrong here? I've yet to establish any kind of exclusivity with the girl I've been seeing, but it definitely felt like it was going in that direction. She's made it known that she really likes me, probably more so than I like her. I know there's nothing wrong with exploring my options while I can, but I feel sort of dirty about it considering the girl I've been dating was the reason I met this new girl in the first place. Thoughts?
How do you feel about the girl that you're currently dating? Do you only feel bad about the new girl because of how the flirtation went down? And because the both girls know each other?
beat
Member
This probably won't happen to you, but there are worse things than a plain no.
I got a yes on Friday "but we should work out the details next week; I'm really busy" followed by a no on Monday. Twice. (I'm dumb.)
Johnlenham
Member
Just some advice for anyone listening.
So my best friend is female and has to deal with alot of guys being her friend then trying to get with her. It happend again recently and im 99% sure when she says she is oblivous to their real intentions, she really does know and loves the attention but I digress.
Anyway so I say "hey, this guy clearly likes you and is going to try it on, if you dont like him in that way you NEED to tell him in the most direct way possible, we are stupid and take anything as a sign so just be straight as an arrow and say FRIEND only"
Apparently she did this with him and it was all cool for a few weeks.
Got an email yesterday saying the guy had decided to hand write and send a 3 page long letter declaring his love for her...
Obviously that went down well.
"when you think 'oh god I must tell them how I feel, I know I'll write a 3 page hand written letter! Then they'll see and have to want to be with me!'"
Point is for you guys out there, if you ever think something like this is a good idea.
Its not.
Not even the first letter shes got like this. If you are going to do it, atleast do it in person so theres no written proof to face palm over at a later date.
So my best friend is female and has to deal with alot of guys being her friend then trying to get with her. It happend again recently and im 99% sure when she says she is oblivous to their real intentions, she really does know and loves the attention but I digress.
Anyway so I say "hey, this guy clearly likes you and is going to try it on, if you dont like him in that way you NEED to tell him in the most direct way possible, we are stupid and take anything as a sign so just be straight as an arrow and say FRIEND only"
Apparently she did this with him and it was all cool for a few weeks.
Got an email yesterday saying the guy had decided to hand write and send a 3 page long letter declaring his love for her...
Obviously that went down well.
"when you think 'oh god I must tell them how I feel, I know I'll write a 3 page hand written letter! Then they'll see and have to want to be with me!'"
Point is for you guys out there, if you ever think something like this is a good idea.
Its not.
Not even the first letter shes got like this. If you are going to do it, atleast do it in person so theres no written proof to face palm over at a later date.
NeOak
Member
Holy hell she said yes.
Grats. Now don't get overhyped, play it cool and have fun.
Damn, man. That sucks. At least all my failures are failures outright. Yeah, there are definitely things worse than a plain no. Honestly, a "no" isn't all that bad. Just means you need to keep looking. The asking itself has always been the worst part for me.
MacGurcules
Member
And even that is better than setting up the whole thing and getting a text while you're on your way to the date saying that she can't make it. Followed by her never answering your calls after that.
Yeah, a firm "no" from the start is way way better.
Thanks man. Like I said I still have some hope, but really the next Skype session is what is going to make or break our relationship.
I'm sorry things have been frustrating. I can sort of relate as I'm in a long distance relationship as well but our schedules don't sound anywhere near as busy as yours. But you're right, no matter how busy you are, a quick good morning or good night text is still doable. And in a long distance relationship, those little things go a long way in helping you feel connected to someone who isn't physically there. So while the problem isn't exactly the distance, it's certainly not helping things.
I agree with the other poster that she might be projecting her own feelings on to you. I'd ask her up front if that's the case, and also reassure her that you are not actually feeling those things. But not in an accusatory way. I get that she's probably confused, but in that confusion she seems to be hurting you quite a bit too.
I am going to be asking her a lot of direct questions, for sure. I'm going back to NY regardless of whether we stay together or not (physically getting back together was just the cherry on top, I'm going there for my career), so I can also propose to her to just forget about the whole moving in together thing, go back to what we had the last time I lived in NY, and see if that's really what's scaring her or not.
What I'd love to happen most would be for this just to be some weird phase she's going through because of grad school starting or something and for everything to quickly get back to normal for us, but if that's not what it is, then I want it to end now rather than keep hurting for a few more weeks or months for nothing.
beat
Member
Damn, man. You win.
Will do. Thanks!
luckyboyceo
Member
I like her. We get along really well and have had great physical chemistry so far. I do question whether or not she has enough energy for me, as I typically like women with lots of energy and big personalities, which this new girl seems to have.
I suppose I mostly feel bad because she was the reason I even had an opportunity to meet this new girl in the first place. I'm going out with the new girl on Saturday though so we'll see how things end up.
Jaladinozozo
Banned
Its almost been 3 months and nothing has changed =\
Still don't feel like myself. Still don't feel confident the way I was when I met this girl and don't even know where to begin or initiate something new with someone new.
Ugh this sucks.
luckyboyceo
Member
I tried writing a longer post but it just didn't seem right. Just know that I feel for you, man. You'll get through this eventually, it just might be a longer and more challenging road than you had hoped. Hang in there.
Ok, given my complete and utter incompetence when it comes to asking a girl out/dating, I feel like I should at least have some sort of action before getting into this.
So here's the full deal. Girl I'm looking to ask out is in my history class. Class meets twice a week in a small lecture section, those times aren't that useful to me, and once as a small group discussion. The problem with that the groups are sometimes randomized, but I can't see the discussions themselves being that useful anyway.
So, I was thinking my current plan is in the next couple weeks talk to her right after class is over and just ask her out straight up. This was my method last time I tried to get a date, and while that admittedly didn't work out, it didn't completely blow up in my face either. I don't really know her outside of discussions, but I don't see that changing unless I make a move. Anything I should be aware of before giving this a go? It's been way too long since I've had any dating experience, so I feel like I'm starting from scratch here.
So here's the full deal. Girl I'm looking to ask out is in my history class. Class meets twice a week in a small lecture section, those times aren't that useful to me, and once as a small group discussion. The problem with that the groups are sometimes randomized, but I can't see the discussions themselves being that useful anyway.
So, I was thinking my current plan is in the next couple weeks talk to her right after class is over and just ask her out straight up. This was my method last time I tried to get a date, and while that admittedly didn't work out, it didn't completely blow up in my face either. I don't really know her outside of discussions, but I don't see that changing unless I make a move. Anything I should be aware of before giving this a go? It's been way too long since I've had any dating experience, so I feel like I'm starting from scratch here.
Who would've thought?
stn
Member
A lil' story from me. Met a girl from Beautiful People, she was and is extremely attractive. And I mean extremely. She's disappeared for a few days since then, most likely we won't speak again. I got a bit awe-struck because of her beauty, but today I decided to snap out of it. I wasn't depressed but I was definitely slightly down the last few days. Its a shame because she had a great personality to match.
Anyway, all systems are a go. Its good to be back.
Anyway, all systems are a go. Its good to be back.
MacGurcules
Member
So you don't have a lot of contact with this girl, but you want to get to know her better. Good news! That's what dates are for. Just go for it.
Yeah, that's the great contradiction of my life. I understand. I feel really awkward asking girls out that I don't really know, yet that's the whole point of dating in the first place. Trying to get over that weird hangup as it's gotten me nowhere.
MacGurcules
Member
Dude, I know it. I'm the same way. But don't worry so much about getting over it. It's not some puzzle your have to solve before you're allowed to ask a girl out. It's just practice.
Look at it this way: You're in this to make yourself better. You don't need a date. You need practice asking a girl out. If you get a date out of it, that's just gravy. So stop worrying about it and just jump in.
That's definitely the attitude I've been going with. I'm definitely getting better. I'm quite a bit more at ease than what I was last year and leaps and bounds over how godawful I was with girls in high school. It's been slow progress, but things are getting better.
stn's advice on interest was pretty spot-on for me. After the date on Saturday I held off on making any contact with her, and sure enough I got a text Tuesday night; the first time she'd ever initiated since giving me her number. Had a nice chat, and the conversation ended up swerving to music. She mentioned she used to play the french horn, which prompted me to ask if she had ever done marching band. I could tell she was especially nervous about this, as if she were really embarrassed about it. Eventually she (with a hint of reluctance) said she had, which I said was totally cool because of the uniforms, pulling off the formations, and mentioned my own experiences with the military band. Told her I had been a varsity quizbowl captain too, in case she was worried I'd think band was 'dorky'.
The next day, I swear she was a completely different person. She is so far from the ultra shy girl I met a few weeks ago, and has since started most of our conversations. I even got the "thanks for always messaging me
" line that both my shy sister and mom have given me, so it looks like I made the right call. As a fellow introvert I knew she had to have a personality in there, and it's nice to see her so open with me now. Saturday should be a lot of fun; I'm definitely liking this "complete" version of her ^_^
Moral of the story: if a girl says she was in marching band, tell her that that is the coolest thing ever. Bonus points if you mean it.
The next day, I swear she was a completely different person. She is so far from the ultra shy girl I met a few weeks ago, and has since started most of our conversations. I even got the "thanks for always messaging me
" line that both my shy sister and mom have given me, so it looks like I made the right call. As a fellow introvert I knew she had to have a personality in there, and it's nice to see her so open with me now. Saturday should be a lot of fun; I'm definitely liking this "complete" version of her ^_^Moral of the story: if a girl says she was in marching band, tell her that that is the coolest thing ever. Bonus points if you mean it.
Dude, go for it. I had a crush on some girl in class about a semester ago and I just said fuck it and asked her out. It turns out she had a boyfriend already, but I didn't really give a fuck. It just felt good closing that chapter of my life.
I had that exact same situation like a year ago. Was interested in a cute girl in one of my classes, asked her out and she already had a boyfriend. Wasn't really too big a deal, honestly. Felt good to finally ask a girl out again, something I hadn't done for a couple years at that point.
I have to say, though, this girl certainly fits more into my "type" than the last girl I was interested in dating. Only serves to make me more nervous, haha. Again, like I said it's not a huge deal overall, but there's definitely feelings that you just can't shake no matter how irrational you know they are.
stn
Member
@NeOak
Like I was telling Minamu, its a fucked up feeling when you meet a girl whose looks you're REALLY into. This particular girl was a 10 for me. It hit kinda hard because she came out of nowhere, and then disappeared almost as soon as she entered. It was pretty much one big tease. I'm quite certain she's now in the "ignore his message and wait for him to stop sending" mode. With which she will succeed because I've only sent one message and will send no more.
I don't know whether to feel good that I at least attracted her temporarily, or to feel bad because I gained nothing from this but a bad memory. Its like someone handed me a billion dollars and then took them away 10 minutes later.
I almost never get worked up over women. Its VERY telling that she was able to trigger that part of me.
Like I was telling Minamu, its a fucked up feeling when you meet a girl whose looks you're REALLY into. This particular girl was a 10 for me. It hit kinda hard because she came out of nowhere, and then disappeared almost as soon as she entered. It was pretty much one big tease. I'm quite certain she's now in the "ignore his message and wait for him to stop sending" mode. With which she will succeed because I've only sent one message and will send no more.
I don't know whether to feel good that I at least attracted her temporarily, or to feel bad because I gained nothing from this but a bad memory. Its like someone handed me a billion dollars and then took them away 10 minutes later.
I almost never get worked up over women. Its VERY telling that she was able to trigger that part of me.
beat
Member
I'm as big an advocate as anyone for walking away instead of getting rejected multiple times*, but... just how long has she been ignoring your one message??? And... how did you know she has a great personality if she's never sent you anything? Just from her profile? Or did you meet in real life and now she's ignoring you on the site? Cause if the latter, then I guess you have a point.
(and even if not, I guess it wouldn't be a good move to send a followup too soon.)
* something I can't seem to do in my own life
I know how you feel about that, at least, more or less. It's weird to get that twisted up when you think you're beyond feeling like that.
A personally interesting update. I've said it many times but my transformation happened due to a specific girl who hurt my poor feelings. I've barely seen her since. Until last night. I changed myself to prove to her and myself that she made a mistake and that anyone including me can learn to be attractive and attract any kind of girl. I saw that proof last night. The circle seemed complete when I could tell that she was sending a ton of signals all evening, practically undressing the new me with her eyes. We actually talked through a lot of the stuff that happened and has happened to us since last time, all while being touchy feely. It seems like her relationship is crumbling and now she wants to talk again xD But I wasn't floating on clouds this time. Having her around my finger for the first time was a powerful feeling and quite a sweet revenge sort of thing Felt pretty good to say the least. Not in a mean way of course, I am super grateful to her for everything. But it's apparent that I've come a long way and it all started with her Mission successful, you know?
Felt pretty good to say the least. Not in a mean way of course, I am super grateful to her for everything. But it's apparent that I've come a long way and it all started with her Mission successful, you know?Sounds like things are going well.
I enjoy reading these positive updates. Hope things continue to work out well for you.No real updates for me. Haven't been too active lately. I did experiment with talking to a dating coach. It was a free offer (1 hr session via phone) that I got through something else, so I thought I'd give it a shot.
Yeah, that was a waste of time. I sent her an email with a few things I wanted to talk about (primarily tips on maybe helping me stick out with online dating, and maybe some improvements I could make to meet more "compatible" people in real life), which she requested. 95% of the conversation was spent on none of that. She wanted to know how my last relationship went (I hinted at it in the email). She wanted to analyze what worked, and what might have gone wrong. She tried to come up with some positive conclusion to make me feel better I think, but the conclusion seemed wrong IMO (not a surprise that maybe you'd be off a bit after only listening to 3-5 minutes of details, and didn't let me finish the story to include details that refute your conclusion).
She was stressing the "5 pillars of a strong relationship," the importance of communication, how women and men perceive things differently, etc. All things I knew and stressed myself already (plus some of this came up in my earlier therapy sessions/self-reflection/research). She just kept talking and talking, and I really wanted to interrupt and say that I already knew all of that (and it just seemed like common sense). Then she switches over to tips on how to show you appreciate a girl in conversation. Again, I already know/do that. She starts asking if I wanted to know good ways to start a conversation, and it is around here that I just want to end the call. She offers some other stuff, and I just say that I feel I already know that stuff, and I didn't really have any questions/things left I needed to talk about (at least not in the remaining 10 minutes of the call).
I suppose I can put some blame on myself and I doubt it is easy to do that kind of thing, but wow, such a waste of time. I'm glad I didn't pay for it. I think she usually charges like $120+ for a session like that. Not exactly the same thing, but I might recommend seeing a dating/relationship therapist/counselor instead. Mine was considerably cheaper, arguably more qualified, and seemed to do a better job of helping me in the areas I needed help (more listening, less talking).
stn
Member
@beat
Yes, we met once in person. Had a really great time, nothing but laughs and thoughtful conversation. Its been a week now since communication ceased. I already know its over, that part I have no doubt of. As fate would have it she just happened to be really really good looking. And that's harder for me to forget.
Ah well.
Yes, we met once in person. Had a really great time, nothing but laughs and thoughtful conversation. Its been a week now since communication ceased. I already know its over, that part I have no doubt of. As fate would have it she just happened to be really really good looking. And that's harder for me to forget.
Ah well.
Ghost_Protocol
Member
A personally interesting update. I've said it many times but my transformation happened due to a specific girl who hurt my poor feelings. I've barely seen her since. Until last night. I changed myself to prove to her and myself that she made a mistake and that anyone including me can learn to be attractive and attract any kind of girl. I saw that proof last night. The circle seemed complete when I could tell that she was sending a ton of signals all evening, practically undressing the new me with her eyes. We actually talked through a lot of the stuff that happened and has happened to us since last time, all while being touchy feely. It seems like her relationship is crumbling and now she wants to talk again xD But I wasn't floating on clouds this time. Having her around my finger for the first time was a powerful feeling and quite a sweet revenge sort of thing
Good........good.......
Man, I know that feeling. I've sworn off getting major crushes on certain girls. It just ends up making me stupid and unproductive. I've been keeping a good job keeping a level head and not letting any one girl get to me.
Then I meet this girl and it all gets thrown out the window. She has these beautiful piercing eyes and looks directly at you while she's talking. Even though there were other people in the group, she'd always looked me directly in the eye while she was talking. My brain just melted. All that stuff about keeping emotions in check just floated away. It's funny how your emotions and your brain can be so far apart sometimes.
Feeling good. Got a haircut that I desperately needed the other day. Today I had my sister, who's way more style conscious than me, help me go through my wardrobe, expunge the crap and helped me find the stuff that I look good in. I've also already lost 6 pounds since I adjusted my diet and began daily exercises.
So, yeah, no matter how asking this girl out goes, I'm ready to go. Feeling way better about myself and ready to move forward in life.
So, yeah, no matter how asking this girl out goes, I'm ready to go. Feeling way better about myself and ready to move forward in life.
Just got back from the third date. I was not expecting it to take 12 hours 0_o. The place we had planned to go to was closed, so we ended up going to her apartment and watching some movies she'd been wanting to see. They ended up being The Lord of the Rings extended editions...
Still much more open vocally, but anything physical is shaky. We ended up sitting sorta' scrunched together, and at the goodbye she was a little fidgety so I tried for a hug, which went through. Weak stuff though, quick and one-handed; hoping I didn't push for too much. I'm thinking it was okay, she just had no idea what to do or how to do it. Got a very sincere sounding "goodnight" afterwards, and she doesn't use that tone often. Chalk it up to inexperience and over thinking. Knowing her, I'm thinking inviting a guy to her apartment was a leap in itself.
Oh well, just keep enjoying the ride.
Still much more open vocally, but anything physical is shaky. We ended up sitting sorta' scrunched together, and at the goodbye she was a little fidgety so I tried for a hug, which went through. Weak stuff though, quick and one-handed; hoping I didn't push for too much. I'm thinking it was okay, she just had no idea what to do or how to do it. Got a very sincere sounding "goodnight" afterwards, and she doesn't use that tone often. Chalk it up to inexperience and over thinking. Knowing her, I'm thinking inviting a guy to her apartment was a leap in itself.
Oh well, just keep enjoying the ride.
It's been a while since i posted here so kinda just saying hello.
3 months is nothing. Took me all 8 to get back on the road. Stay strong.
So, i have a little story for you guys...
I kindo dunno, if there's a point for actually LOOKING for a girl. In august i had a few dates with some girls, some was okay, some was real nice, ended up with going in two or three dates with one girl, that was nice to me, but then was cold as fuck, you know how it happens. Anyway, friend invites me on a gig, and that girl textes me same day, was nice to hear from her. So, we met with friend, he was sitting in a bar, said that there's gonna be group of people coming because they had no company for an event and they decided to go all together. There was cute girl, we chatted a bit, but when im on a gig - im on a gig. Turned out that she's into games, was staying together and looking at the scene before the main guys, and she said that lighting was kinda like in Saints Row IV when you use dubstep gun lol. I think that was the momen i got interested. After a show we all walked together to the subway station, i talked with her and even thought that maybe we can go somewhere together just two of us sometime. Anyway, when we said goodbyes SHE (yeah, lol) asked for my social network info.
Then we changed numbers and all the texting started. Then i realised that we have bunch of common things and interests. She's into gaming. I'm into gaming. She's into music i like. She even hates fucking raisins xD Two days later there was that feeling, like we know each other for like forever. Then she asked maybe we can go for a coffee and donuts sometime, i sure said yes, but we both never knew when that could have happen. So, texts got flirty, lovely and stuff. I asked that maybe she wants to go for some drinks after work and she said yes. So we went to a bar, got out at like 2AM, i couldn't go home because of our location (we have bridges raising at nights), then i said that i could just walk her to her house and go to a friend's place for a night. She said no way im leaving you. Yeeeeeeah... So, we stayed at shitty coffee place for like 3 hours. Touches, playing, hugs... kisses Eventually, we are together now. Saying our kissbyes for like an hour every time i walk her home. Spend an awesome day yesterday together. She stays at my place tomorrow and this morning texted me that she even got a new lingerie. BTW i'm 21 and she's gonna be 23 in january. I mean, holy shit.
What's the point of looking for someone, when life is so unpredictable?
3 months is nothing. Took me all 8 to get back on the road. Stay strong.
So, i have a little story for you guys...
I kindo dunno, if there's a point for actually LOOKING for a girl. In august i had a few dates with some girls, some was okay, some was real nice, ended up with going in two or three dates with one girl, that was nice to me, but then was cold as fuck, you know how it happens. Anyway, friend invites me on a gig, and that girl textes me same day, was nice to hear from her. So, we met with friend, he was sitting in a bar, said that there's gonna be group of people coming because they had no company for an event and they decided to go all together. There was cute girl, we chatted a bit, but when im on a gig - im on a gig. Turned out that she's into games, was staying together and looking at the scene before the main guys, and she said that lighting was kinda like in Saints Row IV when you use dubstep gun lol. I think that was the momen i got interested. After a show we all walked together to the subway station, i talked with her and even thought that maybe we can go somewhere together just two of us sometime. Anyway, when we said goodbyes SHE (yeah, lol) asked for my social network info.
Then we changed numbers and all the texting started. Then i realised that we have bunch of common things and interests. She's into gaming. I'm into gaming. She's into music i like. She even hates fucking raisins xD Two days later there was that feeling, like we know each other for like forever. Then she asked maybe we can go for a coffee and donuts sometime, i sure said yes, but we both never knew when that could have happen. So, texts got flirty, lovely and stuff. I asked that maybe she wants to go for some drinks after work and she said yes. So we went to a bar, got out at like 2AM, i couldn't go home because of our location (we have bridges raising at nights), then i said that i could just walk her to her house and go to a friend's place for a night. She said no way im leaving you. Yeeeeeeah... So, we stayed at shitty coffee place for like 3 hours. Touches, playing, hugs... kisses
Eventually, we are together now. Saying our kissbyes for like an hour every time i walk her home. Spend an awesome day yesterday together. She stays at my place tomorrow and this morning texted me that she even got a new lingerie. BTW i'm 21 and she's gonna be 23 in january. I mean, holy shit.What's the point of looking for someone, when life is so unpredictable?
A Human Becoming
More than a Member
That's insane. You watched ALL three movies back-to-back?!
Rand0m TAG
Member
what the hell does being too busy for a relationship mean?
this is the third straight girl that told me that. the dates even went really good.
this is the third straight girl that told me that. the dates even went really good.
A Human Becoming
More than a Member
Priorities. It's as simple as that. A romantic relationship is not as important right now as other choices.
NeOak
Member
What's the point of looking for someone, when life is so unpredictable?
This. Make no mistake, hadn't you put yourself out there, it probably wouldn't have happened.
Whats the story here? Dont want to sound like a dick but its like you're dating a nun. Three dates and barely any physical contact? Whats the deal with her? If you dont mind me asking.
Other priorities, school/work, letting you down easy. Not much one can do than try to do even better the next time.
BS excuse that she's not interested in you. I've known girls who juggles jobs, school, have nearly no free time but if there is a guy they want....they will fucking make time.
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