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[Go_Ly_Dow]

Thanks for all the advice. This whole event has kinda reset me back the basics of stuff like being confident, positive and not being phased by looks. Gotta build up again.

Also, please be my friend NeOak

 

[NeOak]

I guess I haven't been keeping up with this. She's not local?

Also, I would say a 3DS by itself is already getting into "extravagant and off-putting" territory for most people. A gift for a girl you like but aren't dating definitely should not be anything that makes her uncomfortable, and spending that much money is gonna make many people uncomfortable.

I understand. But it hasn't made her uncomfortable. I do agree that it could be like that, but I had been like that with many others, so it wasn't really "oh, I only gift expensive shit to you".

Yeah I don't think you'll be getting in this girl's pants any time soon, whether you want to or not. Nice or not, it does sounds really weird :S Sometimes it doesn't matter if one has the best intentions and absolutely no hidden agenda, if it comes off as creepy, you're screwed either way. Actions can mean a lot, but interpretations of said actions can give them a whole set of extra meanings that wasn't intended.

I do understand this. It may be the truth at this point. But no, fortunately I haven't come as creepy, otherwise I wouldn't have her house address. The interpretations to the whole deal have been positive from her point of view and we have even joked about the reactions of her friends when she shows the stuff.

I just ask if she likes it when she gets it, and that is it. She is the one that ends up mentioning the stuff i sent her and what she has done with it on other occasions. So i don't dwell on the gift as something that she "owes" me for giving it to her.

Of course, that doesn't mean i've earned her or anything. Sending her gifts for courting would be buying her affection, and that is not genuine. After i came back, i decided to send what i had bought her because they were gifts for a friend and I sent them like that.

Besides, i am really busy at the moment, so getting into her pants is not on my mind at the moment. I barely have time to do laundry on the weekends, you think I have time for a relationship? lol... And I have yet to start working on a class project D:

So its alright guys. I know as far as getting a girl to date you, gifting expensive stuff is a big no-no. I just felt generous. Sure, it was a girl, but i'm like that with many people.

And a girl who knows us both gave me the all clear, so no creepy feelings from her around.

Edit: Thanks for the feedback guys lol

 

[beat]

My friends tell me this all the time lol. I can't seem to do it.

For what it's worth, I find that the girls I like tend to get prettier in my eyes than when I first met them, because now I know them more as people too.

 

[Kajigger]

Okay guys, I wasn't sure if the date was a date. I asked her out and we went to the DQ near our University. We walked around the town and talked a lot, then went back and said our goodbyes. Now, I really can't tell if she thought I meant I wanted to hang out or if it was our first date. Due to this, I've been hesitant to ask her out again (or for the first time?). I won't see her till the end of the week though, so should I ask her out through Facebook (I don't know her number), or is that a bit impersonal? I'll make sure to use the word "date" this time. Last time I just asked her if she wanted to "go out sometime" (which I thought was pretty clear).

 

[yami4ct]

For what it's worth, I find that the girls I like tend to get prettier in my eyes than when I first met them, because now I know them more as people too.

This is so true for me. Nothing's more attractive to me than a girl who can hold an intelligent conversation. If a girl is reasonably cute, and can keep up with or beat me in a discussion, it doesn't take long for me to develop a bit of a crush.

 

[Drakhyrr]

Hello GAF. I'm in a position I find to be a little difficult, and I've been thinking about posting it here.

My first job began a few months ago. It required me to move to a new city. Done and done, but now I have absolutely no one to hang out with. My social circle has basically zeroed. Not that I ever had a lot to begin with, but then again, it was something. My coworkers are mostly much older, married, etc, nothing will be coming from there.

This job also takes the whole day away. I only barely manage to work out 3 days a week, and the only real free time is the weekend. I know some people at the gym, but I don't think I'm going to get much closer to them... Though, actually, I never was any good at making friends.

Of course, the final objective is to get to some girls, but I don't think I will have much luck all alone. Any ideas on what to do to at least escape the current deadlock?

 

[luckyboyceo]

Okay guys, I wasn't sure if the date was a date. I asked her out and we went to the DQ near our University. We walked around the town and talked a lot, then went back and said our goodbyes. Now, I really can't tell if she thought I meant I wanted to hang out or if it was our first date. Due to this, I've been hesitant to ask her out again (or for the first time?). I won't see her till the end of the week though, so should I ask her out through Facebook (I don't know her number), or is that a bit impersonal? I'll make sure to use the word "date" this time. Last time I just asked her if she wanted to "go out sometime" (which I thought was pretty clear).

I always think it's better to ask someone out in person, so I'd recommend waiting to do so if possible. I think it's especially important if you're unsure how she feels about you, because asking her out face-to-face will let you see her body language and non-verbal communication that you otherwise would've missed out on had you asked her out via facebook. These could be vital indicators for whether or not she's interested in you.

As for whether or not it was a "date." In my experience, if you used the words "go out," I'm sure she went into the meeting with a date mentality. Whether or not she came out of it with one is another story. If you were unsure if it was a date, chances are, she's unsure if it was a date, and that's largely because you probably didn't do anything to really solidify the fact that it was indeed, a "date."

I haven't been following your situation so this is just speculation of course. Regardless, if she had fun, she'll agree to go out with you again. If the first time wasn't obviously a date, make the second time one. You're not going to get friend-zoned after a day or anything like that.

Hello GAF. I'm in a position I find to be a little difficult, and I've been thinking about posting it here.

My first job began a few months ago. It required me to move to a new city. Done and done, but now I have absolutely no one to hang out with. My social circle has basically zeroed. Not that I ever had a lot to begin with, but then again, it was something. My coworkers are mostly much older, married, etc, nothing will be coming from there.

This job also takes the whole day away. I only barely manage to work out 3 days a week, and the only real free time is the weekend. I know some people at the gym, but I don't think I'm going to get much closer to them... Though, actually, I never was any good at making friends.

Of course, the final objective is to get to some girls, but I don't think I will have much luck all alone. Any ideas on what to do to at least escape the current deadlock?

Sure, the gym is a good start. Tell them you're new to town and looking for some recommendations of places to go on the weekend. Hell, they might even invite you out with them. It's worth a shot.

What are your interests? Are you into sports? There are a bunch of adult sports leagues in most cities that offer a built-in group of friends from the start. Try (American) football, soccer, even kickball and dodgeball could be fun. Not only are you meeting people but you're staying active and having fun doing so, which easily translates to new friends. On the same note, it's pretty easy to meet guys at a sports bar during a sporting event. Nobody's going to look at you backwards either for showing up at the bar by yourself if you're there to watch the game. After all, they're there for the same reason.

Ultimately, I'd try and build around your interests. Figure out what it is that you like and some activities that you can do that surround those things. It's always easier to meet people if you have some sort of mutual interests from the start.

 

[Kajigger]

I always think it's better to ask someone out in person, so I'd recommend waiting to do so if possible. I think it's especially important if you're unsure how she feels about you, because asking her out face-to-face will let you see her body language and non-verbal communication that you otherwise would've missed out on had you asked her out via facebook. These could be vital indicators for whether or not she's interested in you.

As for whether or not it was a "date." In my experience, if you used the words "go out," I'm sure she went into the meeting with a date mentality. Whether or not she came out of it with one is another story. If you were unsure if it was a date, chances are, she's unsure if it was a date, and that's largely because you probably didn't do anything to really solidify the fact that it was indeed, a "date."

I haven't been following your situation so this is just speculation of course. Regardless, if she had fun, she'll agree to go out with you again. If the first time wasn't obviously a date, make the second time one. You're not going to get friend-zoned after a day or anything like that.

Thanks! I actually went into it blind because I asked her to "go out" and she responded with "Sure! anytime you want to hang out is cool", so I really didn't know what to do. Just went with it I guess. How long would you recommend that I wait to ask her out again? I don't want to seem impulsive or annoying.

 

[(._.)]

I used to feel so bold and just serious and open about my feelings towards someone I like. Comfortable saying "I really like you. You're so awesome and you make my heart race" completely stern, serious and with passion. I just feel so weak and hopeless now. No confidence whatsoever to begin to open up to girls I like. Should I just smoke more pot? I have no idea what's been wrong with me lately.

 

[Magni]

Gaf, I need some advice. It's a small story again for you guys and girls to read.

[story about fucking another guy's girl while he's away]

That better not be my girlfriend! :O

More seriously, I'd make sure she ends things with the other guy before going any further. If she doesn't want to, cut her out of your life.

 

[hawkshockey11]

Just a random word of advice. Becoming friends with a girl you like is not a "death sentence."

I am terrible at meeting people and instantly getting into a dating phase, but when I am friends or acquaintances with someone for however long it seems I grow on people. I never really thought of concepts like friendzone or whatever. I just always try to be fun and have a good time. Some friendships turn into more, others don't (but that's perfectly okay)

Don't become friends with someone with the obvious intent of being more. Just be cool. If it can form, it will form.

 

[Drakhyrr]

Sure, the gym is a good start. Tell them you're new to town and looking for some recommendations of places to go on the weekend. Hell, they might even invite you out with them. It's worth a shot.

What are your interests? Are you into sports? There are a bunch of adult sports leagues in most cities that offer a built-in group of friends from the start. Try (American) football, soccer, even kickball and dodgeball could be fun. Not only are you meeting people but you're staying active and having fun doing so, which easily translates to new friends. On the same note, it's pretty easy to meet guys at a sports bar during a sporting event. Nobody's going to look at you backwards either for showing up at the bar by yourself if you're there to watch the game. After all, they're there for the same reason.

Ultimately, I'd try and build around your interests. Figure out what it is that you like and some activities that you can do that surround those things. It's always easier to meet people if you have some sort of mutual interests from the start.

Thanks for the advice. I... may have some problems, though. The gym part I already tried, and found out this city is pretty boring! 600 thousand people and not much to do... Yep. Didn't get any invites either.
There are places I can go, but I feel a little awkward going in alone. I wasn't getting into this yet, but I am very shy (though I did get much better in past few years). Maybe I should just go anyway?

I'm in Brazil, by the way. And unfortunately I'm not into sports - I go to the gym because it's the best not-really-sportive way to not be sedentary (and get good-looking in the process). The activities idea as a whole is not bad, though I may have to do some work to find specific interest groups.

 

[luckyboyceo]

Thanks! I actually went into it blind because I asked her to "go out" and she responded with "Sure! anytime you want to hang out is cool", so I really didn't know what to do. Just went with it I guess. How long would you recommend that I wait to ask her out again? I don't want to seem impulsive or annoying.

It's tough to say. If the opportunity presents itself, take it and ask away.

If you have more control over the situation and the timeframe, then ideally I'd probably wait a good 4 or 5 days before you approach the subject again (ex: if you went out Saturday, ask again Wednesday/Thursday). If you ask too early, you look needy, too late and you run the risk of her making plans. Typically I've had success with this timeframe, but honestly if she likes you then she'll say yes regardless of when you ask her.

Thanks for the advice. I... may have some problems, though. The gym part I already tried, and found out this city is pretty boring! 600 thousand people and not much to do... Yep. Didn't get any invites either.
There are places I can go, but I feel a little awkward going in alone. I wasn't getting into this yet, but I am very shy (though I did get much better in past few years). Maybe I should just go anyway?

I'm in Brazil, by the way. And unfortunately I'm not into sports - I go to the gym because it's the best not-really-sportive way to not be sedentary (and get good-looking in the process). The activities idea as a whole is not bad, though I may have to do some work to find specific interest groups.

You should definitely just go anyway. Forcing yourself to be social is the only way you're going to overcome your shyness/social anxiety. I understand it might be overwhelming, particularly if you're going at it alone, but let's look at the alternative, you're not going to meet anybody sitting on your computer unless there's a Brazil-GAF thread.

Again, think about where your interests/hobbies lie and try and form some sort of activities around those. Not only does that give you an opportunity to meet people, but working around your social anxiety will be incrementally easier when you have common interests.

 

[Emwitus]

Hello GAF. Has anyone here dated a high strung girl? I think I'm falling for one who's driving me nuts? Help.

 

[sooperkool]

BF doesn't mean shit. If she likes you she'll drop her current bf

Tis true, my current dropped her fiancee 2 months before the wedding for me.

 

[dofry]

I feel for you. I really do. Intimacy is a powerful, intoxicating thing. There are obviously going to be circumstances that are hard to communicate, so maybe your situation is different. But if I were in your situation, I couldn't help but feel like your relationship with this woman is somewhat poisoned at this point.

I am intoxicated. It's the thing that I miss when I go home. There is no one there to greet me and hug me. I wanted that again. I did talk about this to my friends a lot before doing anything. Many of them said I can find a free girl and to not mess around with a taken woman. Then I just went ahead and dipped my feet in the water, slowly going all the way while knowing.

I do understand the situation. And my response might have come off as harsh, but I was just being matter-of-factly. Perhaps bluntly so. I'll try to give advice.

You say you like her personality. Do you also like the part of her that cheats on her boyfriend, even if it is with you? Do you think that's a desirable personality trait, that forebodes a happy relationship with you? Which is what you are after, from the look of things.

Have you been alone long enough, is the need for a partner strong enough for you to think of yourself as a dick for fooling around with a taken woman? Or do you want to think: "fuck it, I'm better than this, I'll wait for an equally awesome single girl. Which will be less of a hassle, and won't eat away at my conscience."

Honest questions. Some people just don't give two shits about whether they're making someone cheat on her boyfriend. Or don't care that they're with someone who cheated.

It's ok man. Straight words need to be said sometimes. I am learning to take it all in.

She has this bubbly personality that attracted me the first time. Likes my stupid jokes and isn't shy and quiet. And when I mean I can be myself with her, I mean I can talk about anything. With others I have dated, there is this distance. I couldn't be me.
The fact that she is messing around with me is also troubling for me. I told her about what I felt one day. I think it went something like this "I know you have a boyfriend, and I don't want to be a bad guy. I just liked you and couldn't stop". The answer to that is still up in the air. I have to bring it up at some point and see what happens.

I've been single for four years now, two of them in another country. I have declined some passes on me because they had a boyfriend. I don't know what was different with this girl that made me break my own principles. What you said about "wait for a single, hassle free relationship" is what my friends said too. I hear you all, just already went to the deep end and don't know what to do. I like her.

That better not be my girlfriend! :O

More seriously, I'd make sure she ends things with the other guy before going any further. If she doesn't want to, cut her out of your life.

I sure as hell hope not.

And that is good advice. I have been thinking about doing it too. I just need the courage to say it. I escalated things, so I need to be the man for everyone. I can't fix things the way they were but at least do what needs to be done and see what happens whatever that may be. I said I can be honest with her so this is one of those things.

Oh, and a final note. I used to be married. I cheated and got divorced. Felt so bad that I went to therapy with and without her, and ate medication for a year. Took me a long time to be a bit normal again. I never want to cheat on anyone again after that. Broke my heart and hers. We are friends again and can talk. She will get remarried probably soon and I feel happy for her. This might give you some perspective on things, good and bad.

 

[TheVampire]

What should I do for date #3 ?

First was just a coffee meet up
Second was bowling followed by coffee and then played some games in an arcade
Third?

I don't want a movie date just yet.

 

[n64coder]

What should I do for date #3 ?

First was just a coffee meet up
Second was bowling followed by coffee and then played some games in an arcade
Third?

I don't want a movie date just yet.

I would suggest going out for dinner/lunch or a museum/art show. Some place where you can spend a good amount of time talking to each other.

 

[Kung Fu Jedi]

What should I do for date #3 ?

First was just a coffee meet up
Second was bowling followed by coffee and then played some games in an arcade
Third?

I don't want a movie date just yet.

Dinner and drinks. That seems the logical progression. More intimate, you can have a conversation and a chance to be somewhat romantic.

 

[TheVampire]

Dinner and drinks. That seems the logical progression. More intimate, you can have a conversation and a chance to be somewhat romantic.

Hmmm yeah I was thinking about dinner.

She mentioned that she is a bit of a heavy drinker so I guess we could get some drinks with it too.

 

[RedNalgene]

Oh, and a final note. I used to be married. I cheated and got divorced. Felt so bad that I went to therapy with and without her, and ate medication for a year. Took me a long time to be a bit normal again. I never want to cheat on anyone again after that. Broke my heart and hers. We are friends again and can talk. She will get remarried probably soon and I feel happy for her. This might give you some perspective on things, good and bad.

You do realize you're doing it again, right? Just because the person being cheated on isn't your significant other doesn't mean you're not cheating.

I was in your situation a few years ago and lost myself in it. Felt like I was becoming a terrible person and hated myself for it. Don't let yourself fall down that rabbit hole.

On a totally different topic, I thought I'd share a little anecdote for everyone here who says they have trouble talking to pretty women. I know it's been said before but it warrants a repeat - you need to practice on people who you don't see as a potential mate. Case in point - I got my hair cut yesterday. Not at a barber shop, but at, well, a "salon". Higher end spot with professional stylists. As you can imagine, most of the stylists there are attractive, relatively young females. Although I'm not on the market at the moment I still took it as an opportunity to work on my situational conversation skills. It's the PERFECT opportunity to practice striking up a conversation with a woman. It's one-on-one, she has nowhere else to go - you can say anything! Try out new lines, open up a variety of discussion topics (something beyond "crazy weather we're having, huh"), work on making eye contact. And it's in her best interest to flirt since she's looking for a tip. It's a very low pressure chance to practice, with literally 0 downside. So if any of you really are deathly afraid of talking to women, or have a hard time figuring out what to say while trying to flirt with one, practice on the person who cuts your hair.

 

[Idde]

You do realize you're doing it again, right? Just because the person being cheated on isn't your significant other doesn't mean you're not cheating.

I was in your situation a few years ago and lost myself in it. Felt like I was becoming a terrible person and hated myself for it. Don't let yourself fall down that rabbit hole.

On a totally different topic, I thought I'd share a little anecdote for everyone here who says they have trouble talking to pretty women. I know it's been said before but it warrants a repeat - you need to practice on people who you don't see as a potential mate. Case in point - I got my hair cut yesterday. Not at a barber shop, but at, well, a "salon". Higher end spot with professional stylists. As you can imagine, most of the stylists there are attractive, relatively young females. Although I'm not on the market at the moment I still took it as an opportunity to work on my situational conversation skills. It's the PERFECT opportunity to practice striking up a conversation with a woman. It's one-on-one, she has nowhere else to go - you can say anything! Try out new lines, open up a variety of discussion topics (something beyond "crazy weather we're having, huh"), work on making eye contact. And it's in her best interest to flirt since she's looking for a tip. It's a very low pressure chance to practice, with literally 0 downside. So if any of you really are deathly afraid of talking to women, or have a hard time figuring out what to say while trying to flirt with one, practice on the person who cuts your hair.

This. You might not be cheating yourself because you don't have a partner. But you ARE directly responsible for the cheating of the girl you're seeing. Your ex wife was probably devestated by your cheating. You don't feel bad that you're putting someone through the same stuff your wife went through?

 

[Woody Invincible]

You do realize you're doing it again, right? Just because the person being cheated on isn't your significant other doesn't mean you're not cheating.

I was in your situation a few years ago and lost myself in it. Felt like I was becoming a terrible person and hated myself for it. Don't let yourself fall down that rabbit hole.

On a totally different topic, I thought I'd share a little anecdote for everyone here who says they have trouble talking to pretty women. I know it's been said before but it warrants a repeat - you need to practice on people who you don't see as a potential mate. Case in point - I got my hair cut yesterday. Not at a barber shop, but at, well, a "salon". Higher end spot with professional stylists. As you can imagine, most of the stylists there are attractive, relatively young females. Although I'm not on the market at the moment I still took it as an opportunity to work on my situational conversation skills. It's the PERFECT opportunity to practice striking up a conversation with a woman. It's one-on-one, she has nowhere else to go - you can say anything! Try out new lines, open up a variety of discussion topics (something beyond "crazy weather we're having, huh"), work on making eye contact. And it's in her best interest to flirt since she's looking for a tip. It's a very low pressure chance to practice, with literally 0 downside. So if any of you really are deathly afraid of talking to women, or have a hard time figuring out what to say while trying to flirt with one, practice on the person who cuts your hair.

That's actually very good advice. You'll find that even if you are shy, if you think there is no chance with a girl or you have no interest in a girl, it is so much easier to talk to them. Just open your mouth and let the words come out. After that, it gets easier for the real deal.

 

[yami4ct]

Well, went for it and she's got a boyfriend. Oh well. Glad that's over and done so I can move onto someone else.

My luck at finding women I can talk to and that are single is really crap. I'll get back out there and keep trying, but it'd be nice to have at least one yes so I know I'm doing something right.

 

[sssstententen]

FFFFFFFF

Gorgeous girl I knew from back in high school responded to me on PoF.

How do I not blow it/pique her interests.

Should I go for broke and ask her out? I have nothing to lose here.

Edit: Went for it, just told her she always seemed sweet and that I'd love to take her for a walk to get to know her better. Hopefully I didn't blow it or come off too strong.

Edit 2: Ahaha think I scared her off. 20+ minutes after that and not a word. It's a shame, she was responding too. I'll update if she actually responds. I wanted to give the "confident risk taker" thing a try.

 

[luckyboyceo]

What should I do for date #3 ?

First was just a coffee meet up
Second was bowling followed by coffee and then played some games in an arcade
Third?

I don't want a movie date just yet.

Why would you ever do a movie date? I know they're "traditional" and all, but if the reason for a date is to get to know somebody better, isn't a movie theatre the absolute WORST place to do that? I mean you can't talk. Hell, you can barely even see them. Best case scenario is you get to put your arm around her and maybe kiss, but even then it feels weird since there's a giant armrest between the two of you. I see no benefit to this idea.

Instead, I second the idea of dinner/drinks. As another poster said, this seems like the logical progression. Not only does it give you ample time to talk/engage with one another, but after a few drinks you'll both loosen up and who knows what might happen. Definitely go with this.

Well, went for it and she's got a boyfriend. Oh well. Glad that's over and done so I can move onto someone else.

My luck at finding women I can talk to and that are single is really crap. I'll get back out there and keep trying, but it'd be nice to have at least one yes so I know I'm doing something right.

Props on going through with it and asking her. Like you said, now you have it behind you. Every experience is a learning experience.

I completely understand how frustrating it can be running into brick wall after brick wall, but one of these days you're going to go all juggernaut on the wall and run straight through it into the date of your dreams. You've just got to stick with it. Hang in there, bud.

 

[sssstententen]

Welp almost an hour later, and I'm assuming she got the message since she's online. I don't even think these girls would be responding to me if they weren't even remotely interested.

Am I supposed to keep bothering them until they message me back or should I take the silence as a failure.

Disregard that.

 

[Kung Fu Jedi]

Welp almost an hour later, and I'm assuming she got the message since she's online. I don't even think these girls would be responding to me if they weren't even remotely interested.

Am I supposed to keep bothering them until they message me back or should I take the silence as a failure.

Don't bother her. Just giver her some time. You don't know what is going on on the other end. She may have walked away from the computer while still logged in. She may be on the phone or something like that. Just be patient and see what happens. Don't over think it and read too much into what is happening.

 

[sssstententen]

Don't bother her. Just giver her some time. You don't know what is going on on the other end. She may have walked away from the computer while still logged in. She may be on the phone or something like that. Just be patient and see what happens. Don't over think it and read too much into what is happening.

True, definitely overthought it, she responded right as I posted. I'm trying to play it as cool as possible because she seems nice and I have an in through having known her!

I'll update and see what happens, its just been awhile, so I'm rusty at this game.

 

[Minamu]

Don't go expressing your undying love. Saying someone is sweet isn't that, but it's borderline on too much so early. She'd know you like her from asking her out alone.

Basically, show, don't tell. Always.

 

[Astral]

Well, went for it and she's got a boyfriend. Oh well. Glad that's over and done so I can move onto someone else.

My luck at finding women I can talk to and that are single is really crap. I'll get back out there and keep trying, but it'd be nice to have at least one yes so I know I'm doing something right.

I feel you. It feels as if I'm subconsciously attracted to girls who are already taken.

 

[sssstententen]

Don't go expressing your undying love. Saying someone is sweet isn't that, but it's borderline on too much so early. She'd know you like her from asking her out alone.

Basically, show, don't tell. Always.

Good to know, like I said I'm super rusty.

So we've been talking, she told me I should "make sure I come out next week" for her birthday party stuff at a bar then a hotel or something. She seems nice we've been clicking pretty well, just not sold at my first encounter being at a party but on the other hand it seems like a perfect litmus test?

Dunno

 

[MacGurcules]

Good to know, like I said I'm super rusty.

So we've been talking, she told me I should "make sure I come out next week" for her birthday party stuff at a bar then a hotel or something. She seems nice we've been clicking pretty well, just not sold at my first encounter being at a party but on the other hand it seems like a perfect litmus test?

Dunno

So she's interested in seeing you. That's good. Unless she's said something that precludes seeing her sooner, there's no reason you can't invite her out to meet up before next week. Parties are fine, but I wouldn't expect to get a lot of attention there if the party is for her and you're a fairly new person in her life. Get some one-on-one time lined up.

 

[beat]

Good to know, like I said I'm super rusty.

So we've been talking, she told me I should "make sure I come out next week" for her birthday party stuff at a bar then a hotel or something. She seems nice we've been clicking pretty well, just not sold at my first encounter being at a party but on the other hand it seems like a perfect litmus test?

Dunno

A party, you say? 500 Days of Summer expectations vs reality clip. (sorry, not being helpful.)

 

[sssstententen]

So she's interested in seeing you. That's good. Unless she's said something that precludes seeing her sooner, there's no reason you can't invite her out to meet up before next week. Parties are fine, but I wouldn't expect to get a lot of attention there if the party is for her and you're a fairly new person in her life. Get some one-on-one time lined up.

Yeah that seems like the best case scenario. Just gonna take my time now that she seems legitimately interested and not push it.

And yeah thats why, I'll definitely go and play it cool and just enjoy the party and try not to cling like a bug but the whole point woild be to see her. Also more pressure with other people around too.

Damn this dating shit is tough.

 

[MacGurcules]

Yeah that seems like the best case scenario. Just gonna take my time now that she seems legitimately interested and not push it.

And yeah thats why, I'll definitely go and play it cool and just enjoy the party and try not to cling like a bug but the whole point woild be to see her. Also more pressure with other people around too.

Damn this dating shit is tough.

So why not shoot for the best case scenario? She's not going to uninvite you from her party just because you ask her out. Certainly, you know the details of your scenario better than the rest of us. But don't let a lack of confidence be what keeps you from reaching for what you want.

 

[sssstententen]

So why not shoot for the best case scenario? She's not going to uninvite you from her party just because you ask her out. Certainly, you know the details of your scenario better than the rest of us. But don't let a lack of confidence be what keeps you from reaching for what you want.

Ah thats what I meant. Take my time and try to get a solid one on one with her before this party thing.

Also staying positive, if she doesn't pan out, I'm still going to a party with other potential girls.

Feeling okay though. I did stop our conversation and told her to text me the details later, I felt like shouldn't chat with her all night, seems to clingly/desperate? Good or bad move?

 

[Ghost_Protocol]

Hey, just curious to hear general opinions on the matter.....how often should a single guy who's looking to date be going on dates? What's a good average, say, per month? Assume just dating around and not exclusively with one person.

If I don't have at least one per week should I be stepping my game up somehow? Approaching more people, etc?

Thanks

 

[luckyboyceo]

Hey, just curious to hear general opinions on the matter.....how often should a single guy who's looking to date be going on dates? What's a good average, say, per month? Assume just dating around and not exclusively with one person.

If I don't have at least one per week should I be stepping my game up somehow? Approaching more people, etc?

Thanks

Impossible to say. There's no set rule. Everyone works at their own pace.

How often would you like to be going out? It sounds like you're unsatisfied with the amount of dates you've been on recently, so sure, either approach more people or put yourself into more situations where you're able to meet women.

I wouldn't force dates just for the sake of some imaginary weekly number. Let them come naturally. Maybe one week you have three and then go two weeks without one. It happens. The important thing is the people you meet, not how many.

 

[yami4ct]

Props on going through with it and asking her. Like you said, now you have it behind you. Every experience is a learning experience.

I completely understand how frustrating it can be running into brick wall after brick wall, but one of these days you're going to go all juggernaut on the wall and run straight through it into the date of your dreams. You've just got to stick with it. Hang in there, bud.

Thanks dude. That really made me laugh.

The hard part for me is that, since everything's just a binary yes or no, there's no way for me to tell if it's something I'm going wrong or just crap luck. It's hard to know how to adjust you're behavior when you aren't sure if it's a problem.

My grandfather's been offering to set me up on a blind date with this girl from another close college for months. I never took him up on it because I wanted to prove to myself I could find a date by myself. At this point, I might give it a shot and see how it goes. Probably worth a shot.

 

[Dr Duncan Steel]

No. I know that. It's not the rejection. I've been rejected before. It's no big deal. It's the difference between asking a girl I've already been talking to for like a month and asking a girl that I've seen for two weeks in class and only talked about class topics with.

This guy right here. He needs help.

Spoiler

Because he just expressed the very same problem I've been having.

 

[TheExodu5]

I don't know...seems easier to ask a girl out that you barely know than a girl you've been talking to for a while. There's a lot less at stake which takes the pressure right off.

 

[yami4ct]

I don't know...seems easier to ask a girl out that you barely know than a girl you've been talking to for a while. There's a lot less at stake which takes the pressure right off.

For me, I have real issues going up and talking to people who I don't know. I know it makes no sense, but approaching a girl like that makes me feel like a creep. Getting better, but the odd feeling is still there.

 

[AlimNassor]

I finally worked up the courage to ask that cute girl at work out.We went to lunch together at break and we talked. Turns out not only is she not single, she's not even in her 20's. She's 32, married with 2 kids. She's just short and young looking. As far as she knew and still knows I was being friendly.

 

[sssstententen]

I finally worked up the courage to ask that cute girl at work out.We went to lunch together at break and we talked. Turns out not only is she not single, she's not even in her 20's. She's 32, married with 2 kids. She's just short and young looking. As far as she knew and still knows I was being friendly.

Damn. Just damn.

I have a hard time to believe an attractive 32y/old married woman wouldn't know the difference between a date and a friendly outing. Unless I'm missing something and this happens all the time. Or you two were already friends.

 

[MacGurcules]

I finally worked up the courage to ask that cute girl at work out.We went to lunch together at break and we talked. Turns out not only is she not single, she's not even in her 20's. She's 32, married with 2 kids. She's just short and young looking. As far as she knew and still knows I was being friendly.

I agree with sersteven. Chances are she had a least an idea of your angle and she was just letting you down easy. That's not really a bad thing, though. Good on you for taking the chance.

 

[AdventureRacing]

I don't know...seems easier to ask a girl out that you barely know than a girl you've been talking to for a while. There's a lot less at stake which takes the pressure right off.

What most people are afraid of is rejection, whether you know them or not that pressure is still there. With a person who is a complete stranger rejection is more likely leading to increased feelings of anxiety.

I don't think it's the same for everyone but i can easily see how asking out a friendly familiar face is less daunting than someone you've never met before.

Edit: Someone you know is probably more likely to let you down more easily as well.

 

[Tawpgun]

*sigh*
The way I feel about my girlfriend changes so frequently. We were both kinda irritable and tired last night so that didn't help, but it seemed like we fought on every little thing. Starting with these dumb pants she was wearing. I think they're called clip on leggings. It was this shiny blue felt material and you have a bottom half that clips on to the top half. Looks almost lingere like, but not that hot at all. I usually don't give a fuck about what people wear but this just looked awkward but I didn't want to tell her I hated them. She got a bunch of stares when we were walking around which made me feel awkward for her...

I'm honestly not sure how we've stayed together for almost 8 months now. She is the complete polar opposite of me. Opposites attract I guess but still... Doesn't like the same music at all. Hates games and most of the TV shows and movies I like. Isn't into sports except for football but thats mainly because of the social aspect....

I've been wondering if I really do love her... because then there are times where I truly miss her and wish she was with me, and times I wish she would just let me be. I'd also feel super bad and guilty if I ever decided to leave her. She's told me I'm really the only person thats stopping her from packing up and going back home because she misses her friends and family and is getting tired of working basically full time to afford going to a school she doesn't really like anymore.

idk She's my first significant relationship and, but it was something I kinda rolled with initially. She definitely liked me a lot more than I did her initially, and I've only grown fonder of her over time, but I feel like its plateauing.

Fuck I don't know. Maybe just had a bad night. But everytime I think about our relationship it makes me wonder how its still going on despite we don't like the same things at all.

Just wanted to rant is all.

 

[AlimNassor]

Damn. Just damn.

I have a hard time to believe an attractive 32y/old married woman wouldn't know the difference between a date and a friendly outing. Unless I'm missing something and this happens all the time. Or you two were already friends.

Err I wasn't even flirting with her. It just came up in a casual conversation at lunch. We were talkin bout family. At least I hope she didnt think I wanted her. That could make things awkward.

 

[TheExodu5]

*sigh*
The way I feel about my girlfriend changes so frequently. We were both kinda irritable and tired last night so that didn't help, but it seemed like we fought on every little thing. Starting with these dumb pants she was wearing. I think they're called clip on leggings. It was this shiny blue felt material and you have a bottom half that clips on to the top half. Looks almost lingere like, but not that hot at all. I usually don't give a fuck about what people wear but this just looked awkward but I didn't want to tell her I hated them. She got a bunch of stares when we were walking around which made me feel awkward for her...

I'm honestly not sure how we've stayed together for almost 8 months now. She is the complete polar opposite of me. Opposites attract I guess but still... Doesn't like the same music at all. Hates games and most of the TV shows and movies I like. Isn't into sports except for football but thats mainly because of the social aspect....

I've been wondering if I really do love her... because then there are times where I truly miss her and wish she was with me, and times I wish she would just let me be. I'd also feel super bad and guilty if I ever decided to leave her. She's told me I'm really the only person thats stopping her from packing up and going back home because she misses her friends and family and is getting tired of working basically full time to afford going to a school she doesn't really like anymore.

idk She's my first significant relationship and, but it was something I kinda rolled with initially. She definitely liked me a lot more than I did her initially, and I've only grown fonder of her over time, but I feel like its plateauing.

Fuck I don't know. Maybe just had a bad night. But everytime I think about our relationship it makes me wonder how its still going on despite we don't like the same things at all.

Just wanted to rant is all.

I might be off, but it sounds to me like you like the idea of the relationship more than the relationship itself.

Err I wasn't even flirting with her. It just came up in a casual conversation at lunch. We were talkin bout family. At least I hope she didnt think I wanted her. That could make things awkward.

I wouldn't worry about it. Just see it as a lunch out with a friend.

On a related note, I was interested in a girl at work and when I found out whe was involved I just decided to make friends with her. It was a little weird at first, because I've never been the type to have girl friends outside of my friend's SO's, so it was new to me at first. But we get along great and there's really nothing weird about it at all. Glad I got that little bit of social awkwardness sorted out.