I already know where I’m going with this, but I would like a few outside opinions on the matter because other people’s perspectives never hurt.
Basically I had a girlfriend of five years, amazing girl who always put herself out there for me and had my back no matter what. The last year and a half of our relationship got kind of rocky – because of me. I lost the passion and started to take her for granted, and I still kick myself for doing it. We broke up at the beginning of the year and I haven’t really talked to her since.
When we broke up I told her that I still want to be with her, but we need to work on ourselves as individuals before we take the next step. I said I wanted her to be less reliant on me for her to be happy and I needed to figure out a way to rekindle the flame that burnt out. I was (am) still deeply attracted to her and want us to work out down the line. This is where the story gets a bit weird.
I started dating another girl late March/early April, now this is a chick that I used to work with and my ex had always had suspicions of me cheating on her with her. Which I never did, mind you. However, around mid-April, my ex got in contact with me again and found out through a mutual friend that I was dating her. She kind of flipped on me and said I was dead to her, etc… I told her that we both agreed it was best we dated other people for the time being but she was so adamant on the fact that I left her for this new girl – also false.
My birthday is in July and my ex contacted me to say happy birthday but said please don’t respond back (via Facebook). I did not heed her warning and said thank you and I’m glad she was able to say it, blah blah blah. She messaged me back and stated that she still really loves me and still has hope for us to be together later. She also let me know that she got a flight attendant job for an international airport. This is something she had wanted to do for years, so I congratulated her and that was that.
The girl I was dating, admittedly I fell pretty hard for. I felt that love emotion coming into play, which scared the hell out of me. I’ve had a few relationships and dated plenty, but those three words were only uttered to my ex and this new girl. I guess I freaked the new girl out after I said it, while we were on vacation, and when we got back she distanced herself from me and ultimately ended it. This was not mutual in any sense of the word, and she is still doing this passive aggressive bullshit trying to paint me as the bad guy, but that’s a story I’d rather not get into. This was about a month ago, mind you.
So fast forward to last week, my ex comes back into the states after her first or second flight and hangs with my sister. They still talk regularly as do her and my parents. When I get home my sister tells me that she brought me back something from her trip. Now, the gift was super miniscule but had a deep sentimental value to both of us. This of course, hit me right in the feels. Now, I never stopped thinking about my ex even while dating the other girl, in fact I had dreams about her pretty regularly from June-September.
I initially called it off so I can rediscover my passion for her (as previously stated) and treat the way she deserved to be treated and how I used to treat her in the past. I wanted to truly appreciate her like I knew I could and I think I needed this past girl to show me that. I left a lot of things out about the girl I was dating because I don’t want to say anything bad about her, but I will say this: she was pretty emotionally damaged and totally took me for granted. Sound familiar?
My sister also told me this though – that she said she is “ready to be friends.” That kind of hit me hard because that was never my intention with her. I can definitely say though, it is very deserving, I treated her terribly for the last 18 months of our relationship.
I guess what I’m getting at is this… I have two courses of action:
Do I cut my losses and become friends with the love of my life all because of my own selfishness and stupidity?
Or do I continue to fight and prove to her that I deserve another chance (I won’t say second because it’s more like a fourth)?
I know I don’t sound very deserving of a girl like her, but I know that I’m the one who fucked up multiple times. I would completely understand if she wanted nothing to with me romantically anymore though. I think I needed a terrible experience to make me grow as a person, and so far I think it has.
Sorry, I didn’t mean to type a novel but this is obviously something I care deeply about. Thanks to anyone who reads this and offers an opinion. Even if it’s just to tell me I’m a piece of shit.
Seems like you've made some extreme makeovers in your life, how come? What kind of chem plant was it? And what does treatment mean? Since you like movies, any particular role you'd like to play? What kind of movie genre would your life fit in (or which one would you like it to be?)
Like you say, being actually curious and showing you care is important. The chem treatment caught my eye because I don't know what that entails at all. The petroleum is quite intriguing to me at least. Sounds like an interesting job to find oneself in. Not that I think work and school are very good date topics, but that was genuinely interesting nonetheless