Dating-Age |OT4| Realise You're Living in the Golden Years
- Thread starter Minamu
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AdventureRacing
Member
Thanks replying and giving me advice on what to doI'm turning 30 next week on Monday and almost everyone I know has a girlfriend or is getting married/ having children. So I feel that my time is soon up :/
I know quite a few man and women who are still single that are quite a bit older than that. 30 really isn't old at all.
What do you mean by physical exactly? Until what point?
To me, this is just a terrible approach to your current situation omgkitty. When I think about best friend, someone who I've known my entire life - I can't even fathom risking ruining that friendship over a girl. If you really can't see that it isn't worth it, I guess there is no stopping you. But this idea of having to one up, get yourself in a better position - especially after discussing with your mate that you weren't gonna be dicks to each other - it just reads like a shit storm waiting to happen. You've barely gotten to know this girl, but you're willing to cause potential friendship ending conflict with a close friend. Is it worth it?
IMO, letting him win this "battle" is best for everybody involved. Your friend can hit it off with a girl (something you should be happy about), you can avoid conflict with him, and you save yourself from childish games. The games people play these days...they're very petty and at times can be cruel. I mean, lets break this down - NeOak is suggesting to ignore her because you missed her text (because you were showering) so she can question herself...it's essentially punishing a person for something they didn't even do. That's a rude thing to do to a potential partner let alone someone you've just met.
omgkitty, think it through, and don't get petty. You agreed to it, and it's just seriously not worth it.
You have an incredible amount of freedom that those people are super jealous of, I guarantee it. It may not look like it, but your life is most likely a lot simpler and easy going, which is what most people desire. Being single is awesome and there's no need to rush out of it imo.Thanks replying and giving me advice on what to do
Thanks replying and giving me advice on what to do
the longer you wait with less and less dealbreakers for people (illegitimate children, prison time, ex-spouses) the more attractive you'll look to people whose biological clocks are ticking.
Delicious Waffles
Member
Thanks replying and giving me advice on what to do
Just wanted to say my birthday is next Monday too. Early happy birthday to you, sir!
Are there any special tips for making a good profile photo for the web? I took three new photos by a professional and while one of them is clearly having the best grades overall, I'm still hovering around 4-5 out of 10 on most pictures for some reason. I'm not sure what is wrong with them (except not smiling all that much). I get quite a few visitors but literally no one initiates. I'm not above doing silly myspace angles or duckfaces for kicks, I think that's pretty hilarious (and the top rated one is comical as well), but half nude etc seem so cliché and I don't have the upper body for it.
Most of the time the best looking pictures always feature someone who's actually smiling. It's usually pretty easy to tell if someone is faking it or not as a picture with a person really smiling tends to make you look more attractive.
Not sure if this is a bad sign or just natural, but last week I was kinda getting irritated with my girlfriend. Felt like hanging out with her was a chore.
But I went home over the weekend and didn't see her for almost 4 days. When I came back I wanted to see her and loved being with her.
And I feel like this has been a recurring theme sometimes. I think the main problem stems from her working so much that I'm almost forced onto her schedule. If she has a day off she wants to spend it with me. Sometimes I don't really feel like hanging out with her... but I feel bad if I don't spend time with her on her day off...
But I went home over the weekend and didn't see her for almost 4 days. When I came back I wanted to see her and loved being with her.
And I feel like this has been a recurring theme sometimes. I think the main problem stems from her working so much that I'm almost forced onto her schedule. If she has a day off she wants to spend it with me. Sometimes I don't really feel like hanging out with her... but I feel bad if I don't spend time with her on her day off...
I'm usually pretty camera shy, believe it or not (not super confident in my looks and teeth for some reason, which is why I also know how it feels to think your looks are holding someone back, true or not). I feel fake smilig on camera because it's so constructed. Taking a hundred photos with a professional was very uncomfortable but helpful
I suppose I lack the common action shot too, the ones showing off all my cool hobbies and activities xDI'm usually pretty camera shy, believe it or not (not super confident in my looks and teeth for some reason, which is why I also know how it feels to think your looks are holding someone back, true or not). I feel fake smilig on camera because it's so constructed. Taking a hundred photos with a professional was very uncomfortable but helpful
I found the easiest way to do it is to get yourself laughing while taking pictures. One time I was actually laughing at how dumb it was that I was trying to make myself laugh for a picture, but it actually turned out pretty good.
Kung Fu Jedi
Member
I agree with this whole heartedly. It's silly to ignore the girl for something she didn't do and has no knowledge of. You may leave her confused and wondering why you're being distant for no reason and you could truly shut the door on your chances. I think it's bad advice to ignore. Just act like nothing really happened and maybe say you're sorry you missed the text and that you would have loved to have gone. Leave it at that and then see how things play out with your friend.
I also agree that it's odd that you'd be battling your best friend for this girl. I've known my best friend my whole life and would be happy if he found someone, even if it was someone that I had some interest in as well. If they clicked, i'd back off and wish them the best. It wouldn't be painful at all, especially after only knowing her a short time.
But ultimately you shouldn't look at their "date" as ending your chances. She may find that they don't connect one-on-one. She may find he's a good friend. Heck, she may spend the whole night asking about you. It's hardly the end. You'll just have to wait to see how things play out. Most of all, don't give up just yet, but don't be a dick to your friend over it either. Just see where the chips fall. Really, if they do end up hitting it off and dating, a missed text probably wasn't the cause of you not being with her.
sounds like you need a little space and then, things will fall into place.
I did last night, but I've gotten over it now. My friend and I already agreed if something happened on either end, we would let each other know, and I don't plan on doing anything to screw with him.
I just need to try and hang out with her alone now. Everything I've done with her up until now has been with a bunch of other people and I need to break away from that. I'm only worried that because I haven't really talked to her alone that much, especially through texting, as everything has been in a group text, if I try to single her out and ask her to do something alone, she'll know what's up. It's all good and fine, but I really would like to do something with her just the two of us before I decide if I'm going to try and make any sort of move at all.
The Artful Dodger
Member
Just directly text her and ask if she wants to hang out on a date or dinner and a movie or somethin'.
Odds are she might be into you or your buddy but will end up with the guy who is more forward about it. I mean the other guy went but it was a group text so, in some ways he has that on you but it was a group text so it's not like she wanted him in particular to go.
So you might as well just step up and just go out with her, at least then you know you gave it a shot.
Kung Fu Jedi
Member
I agree with The Artful Dodger. I'd simply call her or text her directly and ask her out in no uncertain terms. Personally, I'd prefer to call her directly but if a text is good for you and it's acceptable as a way to ask someone out, I'd simply say "Hey! Would you like to have dinner with me on Friday?" Be direct, to the point and let your intentions be known. It'll take a lot of the guess work out of the situation.
beat
Member
First off, I agree with everything Kung Fu Jedi said. What good is playing games going to do you? Esp because at this point she doesn't even know any games are being played. You'll just spend a ton of time and energy ignoring her and being in your head about it while your friend spends more time with her; it'd just be self-sabotage.
If you want to give up on this girl, that's a completely valid option. But don't "pursue" her by letting your friend get all the one on one time with her.
Maybe ask her to hang out if you're that unsure of things, but if things click, definitely ask her on a real date next and do it right away; don't play like you just want to be friends. (Though depending on how her hockey game date with your friend goes, maybe just ask her out on a date right off the bat. Seriously, don't waste time.)
And yes, it does suck that this situation could potentially damage a valuable friendship. But I think that friendship hit a snag as soon as you two both got interested in the same person. It's fixable... probably. But it's not all on just you to accommodate him.
If you want to give up on this girl, that's a completely valid option. But don't "pursue" her by letting your friend get all the one on one time with her.
"She'll know what's up"? So???? This isn't a secret mission! Just ask her out! What, you think you need the element of surprise on your side?
Maybe ask her to hang out if you're that unsure of things, but if things click, definitely ask her on a real date next and do it right away; don't play like you just want to be friends. (Though depending on how her hockey game date with your friend goes, maybe just ask her out on a date right off the bat. Seriously, don't waste time.)
And yes, it does suck that this situation could potentially damage a valuable friendship. But I think that friendship hit a snag as soon as you two both got interested in the same person. It's fixable... probably. But it's not all on just you to accommodate him.
T
Transhuman
Unconfirmed Member
Sounds like you're stalling. Which is fine if you're willing to accept that the opportunity to talk to her one on one without any risk may never come about. Otherwise, ask her to do something already.
NeOak
Member
beat
Member
C'mon, don't act like you didn't write "ignore her a bit when she's around so she starts to question herself about what happened". That's game playing and it's silly. It's doubly silly in this case: she probably isn't thinking about omgkitty at all right now. Giving her a cold shoulder (or a "bit" of one) is not going to make omgkitty stand out to her, it's going to push him further into her background.
The problem with you all telling me that I need to just straight up ask her out is that I still have to see this person several times a week.I mean, I'm not madly in love with her or anything. If she doesn't like me, I'll get over it and move on. I just don't want to fuck up my social life for the next few months without being sure it's worth it, which is why I want to make sure she's worth taking a shot at first.
I'm not worried my friend is going to beat me to the punch. He's got the emotional capacity of a piece of plywood, and if he was really going to do something, he would have made a move already. I mean maybe all of you are right, but I just don't want to make things awkward if I can help it.
I'm not worried my friend is going to beat me to the punch. He's got the emotional capacity of a piece of plywood, and if he was really going to do something, he would have made a move already. I mean maybe all of you are right, but I just don't want to make things awkward if I can help it.
trab pu kcip
Member
oh please no half nude one. those are the worst. D;
I'd say: just keep it simple, full shot of your face, nice/welcoming facial expression, that's about it
beat
Member
So ask her out casually. It doesn't have to be a big production. It shouldn't be. If she turns you down, just how much is that going to make things weird?
Think about how bummed you were last night: things are already a little weird. You wanted to punch your friend! You care! Either make a move or stop caring! If she goes out with you on a date, great. If she turns you down, you can start moving on.
If you don't ask, even if nothing happens with her and your friend, you're probably going to be weird about this until the soccer season ends. If you really honestly don't care that much, don't ask her out, but don't pine after her either.
And is she going to hang out with y'all after soccer ends? Is she going to play with your team next year? You can always find reasons to hold off, but these ones don't sound that good.
OKCupid "research" says guys should look away from the camera, and shouldn't smile: http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/the-4-big-myths-of-profile-pictures/
MacGurcules
Member
Asking someone out on a date isn't a commitment. You don't have to wait to know that it's a sure thing. Dates are for getting to know people. You want to know whether you and her will get along in a more personal context? Ask her out.
Going out on a date or two with somebody isn't automatically going to ruin anything. It's not like if you go out once you're going to be forced to date her for six weeks and then go down in flames. If you guys go out and you don't click, then you just don't click that way. There's nothing to be embarrassed or awkward about in that.
Sorry for the long post but I want to get this out (TL;DR below): I have a sexfriend dilemma.
I'm in my 3rd and last year of university, and this is the second time I do this to a classmate. The first one was in 2nd year after "Susan" just ended her relashionship. I guess I was just a band-aid as it didn't last that long - a month I think - before she returned to her boyfried (they broke up for good shortly after). I didn't respect her that much, I just liked the casual sex so I didn't care about her relashion status.
The problem comes with my new sexfriend (let's call her Maddie). I've always liked her as a close friend, she's a good person to be with. She's part of my really close group of friends/classmates in this city (I'm living alone so I can't afford to f things up; outside of school I have no social life). It started over summer when we were camping with the rest of the group, we emptied a bottle of vodka every night, stared at the stars and played pictionary, gestures only. One of those nights we were really drunk, and sleeping in the same tent lead to other things.
At the moment I'm having sex with her every week or so. There is a problem though: her boyfriend (he's at another university). Unlike the first girl I had casual sex with, I really care about Maddie's happiness, and on top of that I really like her boyfriend - more often than not when our group goes out to eat sushi or stay at eachother's place he's also there. I jokingly tell him that if I was bi I'd eat him up (too). From time to time I help him producing music, filming, editing, etc. He's a good guy and doesn't deserve any bad surprises - him and Maddie are together for 4+ years.
To make the story go even deeper, in 2nd year a guy from our class (from the close-knit group) also got involved with Maddie, at a time when she and her boyfriend were having problems. I knew about it and told them, I didn't want to reveal it to her boyfriend, I wanted them to do it themselves in the best way possible, at the right time. But Susan found out and told Maddie's boyfriend about the situation out of the blue, as expected shit hit the fan, threats were made, Maddie's boyfriend got mad at me for not telling him sooner, etc. Things are almost back to normal now, with the exception of making sure that I only invite him or that classmate when it's time to hang out.
To put things in context, Maddie's boyfriend also had sex with other people but he always told her afterward (the night after sometimes), which is one of the reasons they got in hot water. The thing is, they love eachother and never seriously broke up over this stuff, I'm assuming this is common in long relashionships from people of my age (early 20's).
To end the post: I like them both, a lot. I think of Maddie as a close precious friend, nothing else - and him too. I don't wish ill will towards their relashionship, but I also really like to have sex, receive appreciation/warmth and have long talks with her after school, I don't want to abandon that now that I've got used to it. We are really open with eachother and it makes me less lonely (being the introverted, easily depressed person that I am). We are having a really good time, I feel like this is the closest I can get to her without feeling weird (gf/bf status), just honest to god friendship and sex, I don't want to get any closer or further apart.
I'd like an outsider's view on this. Should I:
A) stop having these feel-good encounters, making both of us sad for a while and generally further apart, but not risking the Second Impact via her boyfriend finding out somehow
;
-or-
B) continuing with it?
TL;DR: Having sex with classmate. She has a boyfriend. I like them both, a lot,
, cool people. We are all assholes to a point. Should I stop or not?
I'm in my 3rd and last year of university, and this is the second time I do this to a classmate. The first one was in 2nd year after "Susan" just ended her relashionship. I guess I was just a band-aid as it didn't last that long - a month I think - before she returned to her boyfried (they broke up for good shortly after). I didn't respect her that much, I just liked the casual sex so I didn't care about her relashion status.
The problem comes with my new sexfriend (let's call her Maddie). I've always liked her as a close friend, she's a good person to be with. She's part of my really close group of friends/classmates in this city (I'm living alone so I can't afford to f things up; outside of school I have no social life). It started over summer when we were camping with the rest of the group, we emptied a bottle of vodka every night, stared at the stars and played pictionary, gestures only. One of those nights we were really drunk, and sleeping in the same tent lead to other things.
At the moment I'm having sex with her every week or so. There is a problem though: her boyfriend (he's at another university). Unlike the first girl I had casual sex with, I really care about Maddie's happiness, and on top of that I really like her boyfriend - more often than not when our group goes out to eat sushi or stay at eachother's place he's also there. I jokingly tell him that if I was bi I'd eat him up (too). From time to time I help him producing music, filming, editing, etc. He's a good guy and doesn't deserve any bad surprises - him and Maddie are together for 4+ years.
To make the story go even deeper, in 2nd year a guy from our class (from the close-knit group) also got involved with Maddie, at a time when she and her boyfriend were having problems. I knew about it and told them, I didn't want to reveal it to her boyfriend, I wanted them to do it themselves in the best way possible, at the right time. But Susan found out and told Maddie's boyfriend about the situation out of the blue, as expected shit hit the fan, threats were made, Maddie's boyfriend got mad at me for not telling him sooner, etc. Things are almost back to normal now, with the exception of making sure that I only invite him or that classmate when it's time to hang out.
To put things in context, Maddie's boyfriend also had sex with other people but he always told her afterward (the night after sometimes), which is one of the reasons they got in hot water. The thing is, they love eachother and never seriously broke up over this stuff, I'm assuming this is common in long relashionships from people of my age (early 20's).
To end the post: I like them both, a lot. I think of Maddie as a close precious friend, nothing else - and him too. I don't wish ill will towards their relashionship, but I also really like to have sex, receive appreciation/warmth and have long talks with her after school, I don't want to abandon that now that I've got used to it. We are really open with eachother and it makes me less lonely (being the introverted, easily depressed person that I am). We are having a really good time, I feel like this is the closest I can get to her without feeling weird (gf/bf status), just honest to god friendship and sex, I don't want to get any closer or further apart.
I'd like an outsider's view on this. Should I:
A) stop having these feel-good encounters, making both of us sad for a while and generally further apart, but not risking the Second Impact via her boyfriend finding out somehow
reminder: I'm only staying here for less than a year, then I'm gone
-or-
B) continuing with it?
TL;DR: Having sex with classmate. She has a boyfriend. I like them both, a lot,
so much so that I wouldn't mind having constant threesomes
Haha yeah I know, I'd only consider it if I had the body and was interested in seeing the effect it would perhaps have.
Aah, yes, I've seen that one before, maybe it has influenced me subconsciously for two of three of my new photos are like that. Give me more!
The Artful Dodger
Member
Look, if she turns you down, you gotta move on and just show it doesn't phase you. Her turning you down could mean a number of things so don't take it to heart. Also, if she sees it doesn't bother you and you can move on, it's better than seeing you constantly pining.
Most folks don't want somebody that "needs" them, cause 9 times outta 10 it's not cute or romantic, it's just kinda pathetic.
So just ask her out, and if she turns it down laugh it off and move on. If it does bother you, don't bother showing it either. Just kinda do what you can to move on. Just cause she says no today, doesn't mean she'll always feel that way. But either way, you can't just sit around hoping it'll happen.
Telephoto999
Member
Have a date with this off of OKCupid in like 30 minutes. (stealth brag)
Nervous as fack. Help me calm down GAF.
Nervous as fack. Help me calm down GAF.
Liu Kang Baking A Pie
Member
She ain't that hot, bro. Zoom your browser out to where that photo is thumbnail size and she actually starts to look like a dude. Good luck.
Telephoto999
Member
I just CTRL wheeled it out, and you're right.
It's a trap.
It's a trap.
FallingEdge
Member
Seems like everyone is just out for their own enjoyment and is in a messed up situation. The fallout will be hilarious.
The Artful Dodger
Member
Did you respond by saying, "Is he incredibly handsome too?"
Naw, but seriously, it doesn't mean anything don't overthink it.
T
Transhuman
Unconfirmed Member
No use procrastinating, do it when you see her next.
trab pu kcip
Member
The Artful Dodger
Member
Throw away those sonnets you wrote for her, Don't Kiss her on the Forehead, or make a set-up of a ton of candles in the shape of a heart, and you should be good.
Best of Luck Dawg.
Don't forget not leaving a note on her car at work.
Leave a note on her car at her work place. Send her 500 emails, each with a crown of sonnets. Ask her how many partners she's had. Invite her for a stroll in the woods in the pale moonlight.
I don't know. I get the feeling you guys are trolling. Is that so? I mean, we've all done those things.
SuperAndroid17
Member
Devolution
Member
This is why girls think you're creepy.
T
Transhuman
Unconfirmed Member
You just wait, that girl is going to go home from the date and first thing she's going to be on the phone to her girlfriend saying:
"And he was too lazy to write me a single sonnet"
"Not even a short one?"
"Nope. What a loser"
"And he was too lazy to write me a single sonnet"
"Not even a short one?"
"Nope. What a loser"
The Artful Dodger
Member
Lol.
"And when I went to work the next day, there was no note on my car."
"WTF, I hate this guy. Go on NatGeo and tell everyone how you're going to friendzone this fool."
Your avatar is the creep here.
Sounds like a scene from Game of Thrones xD
trab pu kcip
Member
I don't know what's serious and what's sarcasm in this thread
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