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[MacGurcules]

I did say "super nice". I toned it down, and it did wonders for me

It is a matter of degrees, sure. Being nice isn't something you should avoid completely. It can be a positive trait. My last girlfriend made a point of telling me that one of the things she really appreciated about me was that I was nice to her. She said hadn't really felt that from anyone she'd been with and she had been married for eight years.

But I do think there's a distinction to be made here. She said that I was nice, but I think really what she was feeling was that I was kind to her. It's a subtle but important difference. A nice person obliges someone but a kind person gives. A nice person wants to please others but a kind person wants them to be happy.

Boys are nice. Men are kind. Learn to be kind.

 

[Mr.Swag]

9 months single now. My singleness is officially pregnancy long.
Kinda tired of it.
I don't want a party girl, I think I want a relationship.
Problem is I only attract party girls.

When pursuing a new girl, how much of my past should I keep secret?
I've never been a liar, but I feel like there are things in my past that maybe I should lie about. I'm a different person than when I made those mistakes. Like, is it wrong to lie?

 

[MacGurcules]

9 months single now. My singleness is officially pregnancy long.
Kinda tired of it.
I don't want a party girl, I think I want a relationship.
Problem is I only attract party girls.

When pursuing a new girl, how much of my past should I keep secret?
I've never been a liar, but I feel like there are things in my past that maybe I should lie about. I'm a different person than when I made those mistakes. Like, is it wrong to lie?

Personally, I'm of the opinion that lying to people, especially someone you're trying to make a real connection with, doesn't really help you. You don't have to offer up your life's history immediately, but be I'd advocate being honest if asked.

Your current behavior and attitude reflect far more in someone's reaction to you than whatever they hear happened in your past. If you've really grown out of it, it'll be apparent to the people you open up to.

 

[Mr.Swag]

My problem is I'm actually too open, I end up admitting to shit that I haven't even been asked about.

Need to lock that down.

 

[Milennia]

9 months single now. My singleness is officially pregnancy long.
Kinda tired of it.
I don't want a party girl, I think I want a relationship.
Problem is I only attract party girls.

When pursuing a new girl, how much of my past should I keep secret?
I've never been a liar, but I feel like there are things in my past that maybe I should lie about. I'm a different person than when I made those mistakes. Like, is it wrong to lie?

Holy crap i think you are me lol

Only difference is turn that 9 months into about a year and a half -.-

My last breakup was 2 years ago and so massive it pretty much destroyed me socially up until about a month ago, it so hard for me to trust a girl is actually who she says she is now :/

 

[MacGurcules]

My problem is I'm actually too open, I end up admitting to shit that I haven't even been asked about.

Need to lock that down.

I can appreciate that. I really think openness and honesty are some of the best things about a good relationship. There is a vulnerability that you can expose there that you just can't have in a day-to-day interaction with other people.

That said, the people we are now aren't the same people we used to be. It's okay to keep some things close to the vest in order to avoid scaring others away. It's not lying to someone if you don't offer certain things about yourself right away.

 

[Mr.Swag]

Holy crap i think you are me lol

Only difference is turn that 9 months into about a year and a half -.-

My last breakup was 2 years ago and so massive it pretty much destroyed me socially up until about a month ago, it so hard for me to trust a girl is actually who she says she is now :/

Yea I still don't trust women at all.
My ex got a new boyfriend 3 days after she broke up with me. We went out for 13 months.


All evidence points to her probably having met that guy while she wa with me :/
I didn't even investigate. Just stopped talking to her and cut her out. I don't need to know the truth.

 

[Milennia]

Yea I still don't trust women at all.
My ex got a new boyfriend 3 days after she broke up with me. We went out for 13 months.


All evidence points to her probably having met that guy while she wa with me :/
I didn't even investigate. Just stopped talking to her and cut her out. I don't need to know the truth.

Yes you are definetly me lol, same exact situation dude....

 

[Mr.Swag]

Last time I get into a relationship with a girl that hasnt been single in a while.
I feel like there's some people out there that constantly have to be in a relationship. Usually they end up cheating or inexplicably breaking up.

I can't be like that. I want someone that's been single and knows themselves well.

 

[Milennia]

Last time I get into a relationship with a girl that hasnt been single in a while.
I feel like there's some people out there that constantly have to be in a relationship. Usually they end up cheating or inexplicably breaking up.

I can't be like that. I want someone that's been single and knows themselves well.

Yep 100% i like slow relationships, yet ive never had one... Its always been those girls who are always get up and go... Has all guy friends 0 girls, and says its cool, ends up cheating anyway ( always happens to me) , but im older now, been single a good bit and know what i want now more than ever.

Hardest thing though is knowing the girl since you were much younger for me it was 13 -18 and she just changed completely over the years.

 

[Mr.Swag]

I can appreciate that. I really think openness and honesty are some of the best things about a good relationship. There is a vulnerability that you can expose there that you just can't have in a day-to-day interaction with other people.

That said, the people we are now aren't the same people we used to be. It's okay to keep some things close to the vest in order to avoid scaring others away. It's not lying to someone if you don't offer certain things about yourself right away.

Yea, I guess I won't straight up sell myself as someone who's done many mistakes.
Nowadays I'm more calm than I was around a year ago, so I appear to be normal.

Guess I just need to pull it off.

 

[beat]

Has there ever been a movie where the guy is told to flat-out stop putting women on a pedestal?

I'd argue (500) Days of Summer was about this.

 

[Devolution]

You want to volunteer your services?

My current thing has already failed your "kiss (or more) within three dates" rule.

If you want to post or pm me deets, I can. Of course I don't hold my own advice in that high of regard, but the good thing about asking people is a broad range of perspectives and the kinds of people they have dealt with personally. What worked for them and what didn't. Then catering that info to your current situation.

Alright, I don't actually follow this thread but I don't feel like starting a new one right now to ask this.

After reading a shitload of friendzone threads in OT culminating in Kopiate's thread, I need to ask a question: Has there ever actually been any romantic comedy or other romance media focusing specifically on this "Friend Zone" and "Nice Guy" shit ending with a message about confidence and not fishing for sympathy all the goddamn time?

See, a lot of people here seem to not understand how so many guys can believe in the FriendZone, why they fall into the Nice Guy shit, and why so many guys put women on pedestals. I think one reason is because that's what a shitload of media tells them to do.

Yeah yeah media isn't real life and people will probably tell you it doesn't affect them, but it probably does and they just don't want to admit it, especially if it's a guy who doesn't get out with friends a lot. I think a lot of them at least subconsciously get their ideas of romance from movies and music, even if they might deny that. Just look at the dude in China who got dunked.

And just look at movies and music. Romantic comedies usually end in the guy putting the woman on a pedestal and putting himself at her feet and getting rewarded for it. Half of R&B and male pop songs are about this. They also tend to showcase "asshole" guys, casting them as the textbook "what not to do in a relationship." I mean Jesus. I think people miss the fact that most of the stories in that media are about people already in relationships, not people initiating relationships.

I don't watch romantic comedies deliberately and don't listen to popular music anymore, so I don't know if any of this stuff has ever had any other kind of message. Has there ever been a movie where the guy is told to flat-out stop putting women on a pedestal? Or a song from a female singer telling guys to stop fucking doing that? Or any story about girls taking advantage of friendzoned guys? Or a movie about a protagonist who sucks at initiating relationships? The closest I can think of is end of Bedazzled where Brendan Frasier finally just asks the girl out, she says no, and he just moves on.

RomComs are awful for so many reasons. God I hate them so much. They're basically more movies about men written from the opposite perspective. Like it's barely about the woman as a person but her quest to get that man. And then his laughable attempts that would come off creepy in the real world but that's okay because the women are fawning over Hugh Grant and his stuttering. Fuck I hate RomComs.

 

[Mr.Swag]

I'd argue (500) Days of Summer was about this.

How about Forgetting Sarah Marshall? He kinda dismisses Mila Kunis, and it works out. But he worshipped Sarah an that didnt work out.

 

[Pau]

Yea I still don't trust women at all.
My ex got a new boyfriend 3 days after she broke up with me. We went out for 13 months.


All evidence points to her probably having met that guy while she wa with me :/
I didn't even investigate. Just stopped talking to her and cut her out. I don't need to know the truth.

You don't trust women but want a relationship with them?

 

[Mr.Swag]

You don't trust women but want a relationship with them?

Well I'm trying to get past my trust issues.
Being out there hasn't really helped much.
I don't want to label someone as untrustworthy before meeting them, but truthfully Im going to be cautious when getting into anything.

 

[thestopsign]

You shouldn't be a doormat and you shouldn't be a douchebag. Just be friendly and interesting and things just kind of go from there.

I've been bad with girls for most of my life, but I did a lot of soul searching this summer (I was hiking/backpacking all summer) and came out better for it. I basically realized if you are decisive things end up going much better. A few weeks ago I was at a party, a cute girl walks by looks at me suggestively, as she passes I immediately turn around and just ask her to dance. Ends up working out.

I've been really busy with school work this semester, but my success with girls at parties has gone way up, even though the number of parties I go to is way down. I've found that as soon as you see an opening you take it without second guessing yourself. This applies to non-party situations as well. I caught one girl real off guard in the library, I held a door open for her as she was walking behind me, noticed she was good looking and just started talking to her as we walked together for a bit. She waved hi at me a few days ago.

I have been a little wishy washy on one girl I like, I can't really get a good read on her. Most of the time her face lights up when she sees me and I'll go over and make casual conversation (mind you we are kind of secondary friends), but I know she is possibly casually seeing someone just not sure of how close they are. My fraternity has a date party coming up and I think I'm gonna ask her, even if it is just as friends we'll have a good time. Oh and that reminds me, if you are out for a night, just focus on having a good time rather than any particular girl. If goals are set on girls from the get go, it will lead to disappointment which will affect your mood for the rest of the night and further negatively impact your chances with anyone.

 

[youngwerther]

Any tips on seducing a girl I'm gonna be in a group project with?
Professor set up everyone's groups through email, so we haven't really spoken in class, but I had the greatest luck of being partnered up with the best looking girl in class. Just 2 people per group, so it's jus going to be us working together. Project is due in a month tho, and it very simple, it could easily be done in a day. Is this when I try and prolong our work?
Never spoken to her, she sits on the other side of class, but I've caught her staring before, so I think I got it locked down on the interest department.
How do I escalate this.

I've got the same exact dilemma.
Made eye contact with this girl a lot throughout the semester, briefly spoke to her once.
Then last week we were talking again and she ended up giving me her number on the basis of forming a study group.

So now I have a problem. On one hand she FOINE and I like her, want to ask her out. But on the other hand, I need her because she's my partner for this project we are doing.

Logic says to wait until the semester is nearly over and all work is done, and then ask, but past experience (and consensus) says that it's way better to ask early rather than putting it off forever.

I mean, she has to know what's up right? Surely she knows I think she's hot. I'm sure every guy thinks she's hot, she has to know I do too.

I'm going to see her tomorrow to do some research. I'm thinking about asking her to go get something to eat or drinks.

 

[Symphonia]

OK, this isn't entirely on-topic but I'll post it anyway. I've been texting back and forth - and we've made a few phone calls to one another - with this girl from PlentyOfFish. She seems cool and she's fairly local, too, about a five minute bus ride away. We've been talking for just over a month now and, honestly, I've quite enjoyed it. The thing is, as much as I've enjoyed it, she's come across a little...forward. By that, I mean she's already laid out her plans for the future and what she'd like and expect from me if we ever get in to a relationship. I'm talking children and marriage here, not just the usual 'I want a guy who will take me for me...' stuff. This is proper full-on life commitment talk here. It honestly freaked me out when she bought it up, especially as she three children already - and she's only 23.

Now, I did mention to her at the time that I thought it was a little bit forward to be admitting to a stranger that you want children with them and want to get married to them. I have to emphasise that she did state, in one of her texts, that it's me specifically she wants this with. I mean, I guess I should be flattered that someone wants that with me but, really, after such a short time? It's borderline psycho and seems kind of bunny boilery, if that makes sense. After telling her that, we did argue a bit (which also struck me as odd, not even together - we barely know each other - and we're arguing already) and, really, it's never really stopped since then.

My question to you is this; what do I do? On the one hand, I really do quite like her. She's a looker, she seems adventurous, she's funny and she seems smart. We also have a load in common which would work wonders if we do go anywhere. On the other hand, however, she's just pure crazy. I mean, yeah, I would like to settle down with a family but after a month of knowing each other? Am I wrong for not wanting to go along with that? No, I don't think so, it's all about personal preference. If she likes me, fine, but she doesn't need to tell me, right? I'm kind of swaying toward the 'Steer Clear' router, purely because a relationship could never work with so much arguing, and this comes from experience.

What do I do, GAF?

 

[Denzar]

Ohh i fucked up so bad today. So i am on a train to the city and like 5-6 rows from me there is very cute girl, she reminded me of Rachel from Suits, looks almost like her. And almost every time i look away she looks at me. I think "ohh i have to do something" and i couldn't just stand up and go talk to her. And then i got, not very bright, but still an idea that i'll write her a note, something like "text me you number, my number is ...", and just hand it to her when i'll be getting off the train. And then i am looking for a pen but nobody has one, digital age my ass.
And i don't think i can find a way to meet this girl again. There is no chance, right?
I need to grow some balls.

Dude, there is always a way!

EDIT:

OK, this isn't entirely on-topic but I'll post it anyway. I've been texting back and forth - and we've made a few phone calls to one another - with this girl from PlentyOfFish. She seems cool and she's fairly local, too, about a five minute bus ride away. We've been talking for just over a month now and, honestly, I've quite enjoyed it. The thing is, as much as I've enjoyed it, she's come across a little...forward. By that, I mean she's already laid out her plans for the future and what she'd like and expect from me if we ever get in to a relationship. I'm talking children and marriage here, not just the usual 'I want a guy who will take me for me...' stuff. This is proper full-on life commitment talk here. It honestly freaked me out when she bought it up, especially as she three children already - and she's only 23.

Now, I did mention to her at the time that I thought it was a little bit forward to be admitting to a stranger that you want children with them and want to get married to them. I have to emphasise that she did state, in one of her texts, that it's me specifically she wants this with. I mean, I guess I should be flattered that someone wants that with me but, really, after such a short time? It's borderline psycho and seems kind of bunny boilery, if that makes sense. After telling her that, we did argue a bit (which also struck me as odd, not even together - we barely know each other - and we're arguing already) and, really, it's never really stopped since then.

My question to you is this; what do I do? On the one hand, I really do quite like her. She's a looker, she seems adventurous, she's funny and she seems smart. We also have a load in common which would work wonders if we do go anywhere. On the other hand, however, she's just pure crazy. I mean, yeah, I would like to settle down with a family but after a month of knowing each other? Am I wrong for not wanting to go along with that? No, I don't think so, it's all about personal preference. If she likes me, fine, but she doesn't need to tell me, right? I'm kind of swaying toward the 'Steer Clear' router, purely because a relationship could never work with so much arguing, and this comes from experience.

What do I do, GAF?

Steer clear seems to be the best option. It's not going to be easy, but going by the things you say, she's clearly loco.


OH YEAH, whatever you do, don't have sex with her. Not even causal sex. DON'T. It will make everything worse and she'll go completely apeshit on you.


How do I know this? I've been there.

 

[Symphonia]

OH YEAH, whatever you do, don't have sex with her. Not even causal sex. DON'T. It will make everything worse and she'll go completely apeshit on you.

See, now this is where the real conflict lies. As I'm sure most of you have done, her and I have discussed our sex lives and it seems we're very compatible. I was kind of hoping to, you know, wet the stick. But, yeah, I can only imagine it getting somewhat messy after the deed is done - and fuck knows what she'd do to get that child she seems to want so bad.

 

[n64coder]

I was kind of hoping to, you know, wet the stick.

I don't blame you. Go for it. Enjoy the relationship and as time goes on, see if it's a good long term fit for you. Just make sure you use protection.

 

[NeOak]

OK, this isn't entirely on-topic but I'll post it anyway. I've been texting back and forth - and we've made a few phone calls to one another - with this girl from PlentyOfFish. She seems cool and she's fairly local, too, about a five minute bus ride away. We've been talking for just over a month now and, honestly, I've quite enjoyed it. The thing is, as much as I've enjoyed it, she's come across a little...forward. By that, I mean she's already laid out her plans for the future and what she'd like and expect from me if we ever get in to a relationship. I'm talking children and marriage here, not just the usual 'I want a guy who will take me for me...' stuff. This is proper full-on life commitment talk here. It honestly freaked me out when she bought it up, especially as she three children already - and she's only 23.

Now, I did mention to her at the time that I thought it was a little bit forward to be admitting to a stranger that you want children with them and want to get married to them. I have to emphasise that she did state, in one of her texts, that it's me specifically she wants this with. I mean, I guess I should be flattered that someone wants that with me but, really, after such a short time? It's borderline psycho and seems kind of bunny boilery, if that makes sense. After telling her that, we did argue a bit (which also struck me as odd, not even together - we barely know each other - and we're arguing already) and, really, it's never really stopped since then.

My question to you is this; what do I do? On the one hand, I really do quite like her. She's a looker, she seems adventurous, she's funny and she seems smart. We also have a load in common which would work wonders if we do go anywhere. On the other hand, however, she's just pure crazy. I mean, yeah, I would like to settle down with a family but after a month of knowing each other? Am I wrong for not wanting to go along with that? No, I don't think so, it's all about personal preference. If she likes me, fine, but she doesn't need to tell me, right? I'm kind of swaying toward the 'Steer Clear' router, purely because a relationship could never work with so much arguing, and this comes from experience.

What do I do, GAF?

Seems her biological clock is ticking at a faster rate than others. I would say she thinks you will give her the sense of security she wants and is doing a trial by fire.

I understand where she is coming from because I've joked about that and said that I would like 6 kids. The reactions are similar to what you are experiencing.

Just be aware that no matter how elaborate her plans seem to be, it never plays out like that. Its not like you'll get married in 3 months. Its more of a sign that she seems to trust you enough to share what she thinks about you and what her plans are if you stayed around. Basically, she is considering you for the long haul and is letting you know.

See, now this is where the real conflict lies. As I'm sure most of you have done, her and I have discussed our sex lives and it seems we're very compatible. I was kind of hoping to, you know, wet the stick. But, yeah, I can only imagine it getting somewhat messy after the deed is done - and fuck knows what she'd do to get that child she seems to want so bad.

Up to you, but you can take extra precautions such as taking the used condoms with you and never letting her handle them.

Or you could discuss it with her and tell her that not for now.

 

[Donos]

I've got the same exact dilemma.
Made eye contact with this girl a lot throughout the semester, briefly spoke to her once.
Then last week we were talking again and she ended up giving me her number on the basis of forming a study group.

So now I have a problem. On one hand she FOINE and I like her, want to ask her out. But on the other hand, I need her because she's my partner for this project we are doing.

Logic says to wait until the semester is nearly over and all work is done, and then ask, but past experience (and consensus) says that it's way better to ask early rather than putting it off forever.

I mean, she has to know what's up right? Surely she knows I think she's hot. I'm sure every guy thinks she's hot, she has to know I do too.

I'm going to see her tomorrow to do some research. I'm thinking about asking her to go get something to eat or drinks.

If you wait out to long because of a project, she maybe thinks you have no real interest or is wondering why you aren't more forward. If she's that pretty then other guys are going to try it. You have the best possible situation you could get.

General "advise" is to be funny. Not forcefully. Beeing funny is nothing everybody can be or become in a short time but it's really one of the things most of the nice/pretty girls i know tell me they like on men (including my gf) besides look.

 

[Symphonia]

I don't blame you. Go for it. Enjoy the relationship and as time goes on, see if it's a good long term fit for you. Just make sure you use protection.

If I do end up sleeping with her, I'll be double-wrapping for sure. I can't be taking the risk of her getting pregnant. Like I said, I like the idea of settling down with a family but not yet and I'm nowhere near sure if I want her to be the one I settle down with.

Just be aware that no matter how elaborate her plans seem to be, it never plays out like that. Its not like you'll get married in 3 months. Its more of a sign that she seems to trust you enough to share what she thinks about you and what her plans are if you stayed around. Basically, she is considering you for the long haul and is letting you know.

I can kind of appreciate that she trusts me enough to let me that she can already see me as 'The One' but, I don't know, it seems like an awful lot to share with me in such a short space of time. Yeah, I think she's hot but I don't keep telling her that, nor do I keep reminding her that I'd love to smash her back door in.

Up to you, but you can take extra precautions such as taking the used condoms with you and never letting her handle them.

Or you could discuss it with her and tell her that not for now.

Wait, what? Have women actually done that in the past?

 

[Kung Fu Jedi]

OK, this isn't entirely on-topic but I'll post it anyway. I've been texting back and forth - and we've made a few phone calls to one another - with this girl from PlentyOfFish. She seems cool and she's fairly local, too, about a five minute bus ride away. We've been talking for just over a month now and, honestly, I've quite enjoyed it. The thing is, as much as I've enjoyed it, she's come across a little...forward. By that, I mean she's already laid out her plans for the future and what she'd like and expect from me if we ever get in to a relationship. I'm talking children and marriage here, not just the usual 'I want a guy who will take me for me...' stuff. This is proper full-on life commitment talk here. It honestly freaked me out when she bought it up, especially as she three children already - and she's only 23.

Now, I did mention to her at the time that I thought it was a little bit forward to be admitting to a stranger that you want children with them and want to get married to them. I have to emphasise that she did state, in one of her texts, that it's me specifically she wants this with. I mean, I guess I should be flattered that someone wants that with me but, really, after such a short time? It's borderline psycho and seems kind of bunny boilery, if that makes sense. After telling her that, we did argue a bit (which also struck me as odd, not even together - we barely know each other - and we're arguing already) and, really, it's never really stopped since then.

My question to you is this; what do I do? On the one hand, I really do quite like her. She's a looker, she seems adventurous, she's funny and she seems smart. We also have a load in common which would work wonders if we do go anywhere. On the other hand, however, she's just pure crazy. I mean, yeah, I would like to settle down with a family but after a month of knowing each other? Am I wrong for not wanting to go along with that? No, I don't think so, it's all about personal preference. If she likes me, fine, but she doesn't need to tell me, right? I'm kind of swaying toward the 'Steer Clear' router, purely because a relationship could never work with so much arguing, and this comes from experience.

What do I do, GAF?

I'd suggest stop texting, emailing and talking on the phone and just meet already. A month is a long time to be messaging one another and it is time to see how compatible you are in person. That's a whole different ball game and it'll tell you a lot about chemistry, attraction, etc. Just make plans to meet and do it. Then see how you feel.

 

[zeemumu]

Oh and that reminds me, if you are out for a night, just focus on having a good time rather than any particular girl. If goals are set on girls from the get go, it will lead to disappointment which will affect your mood for the rest of the night and further negatively impact your chances with anyone.

Pretty much. When I hang out with friends, it's usually just me and one other person, with a group of 3 being the maximum. There's this girl that I hang out with all of the time who is essentially my best friend, and I had a kind of crush on her for a while, but I realized that I was just happier being friends because I really just wanted someone to hang out with and I didn't want to feel like I had to impress her every time we hung out like it was some kind of pseudo-date. It kind of undermines the point of having a best friend. They're supposed to be someone that you feel comfortable enough around to just be yourself, not someone that causes you to freak out every time they're around you because you're worried about impressing them.

 

[Miss Riot]

If I do end up sleeping with her, I'll be double-wrapping for sure. I can't be taking the risk of her getting pregnant. Like I said, I like the idea of settling down with a family but not yet and I'm nowhere near sure if I want her to be the one I settle down with.

if you want to be safe you should understand double wrapping is a stupid move and puts you _more_ at risk

 

[Symphonia]

if you want to be safe you should understand double wrapping is a stupid move and puts you _more_ at risk

Forgive me for sounding stupid, but how does that work? Two condoms, double the protection surely? Unless they kind of cancel each other out...

 

[Miss Riot]

Forgive me for sounding stupid, but how does that work? Two condoms, double the protection surely? Unless they kind of cancel each other out...

no. google it if you want more details. friction between the two make it more at-risk for a tear.

think of it this way. if it were double the protection, wouldn't they sell doubled-up condoms? no, because it doesn't actually work like that and they'd get sued to hell. condoms are already only a reasonably effective form of birth control. they are effective but nowhere near foolproof like the pill.

 

[Kung Fu Jedi]

no. google it if you want more details. friction between the two make it more at-risk for a tear.

think of it this way. if it were double the protection, wouldn't they sell doubled-up condoms? no, because it doesn't actually work like that and they'd get sued to hell. condoms are already only a reasonably effective form of birth control. they are effective but nowhere near foolproof like the pill.

How is this not common knowledge by now?

 

[Miss Riot]

How is this not common knowledge by now?

ranks up there with the pull out method and "just the tip"

 

[MacGurcules]

I've got the same exact dilemma.
Made eye contact with this girl a lot throughout the semester, briefly spoke to her once.
Then last week we were talking again and she ended up giving me her number on the basis of forming a study group.

So now I have a problem. On one hand she FOINE and I like her, want to ask her out. But on the other hand, I need her because she's my partner for this project we are doing.

Logic says to wait until the semester is nearly over and all work is done, and then ask, but past experience (and consensus) says that it's way better to ask early rather than putting it off forever.

I mean, she has to know what's up right? Surely she knows I think she's hot. I'm sure every guy thinks she's hot, she has to know I do too.

I'm going to see her tomorrow to do some research. I'm thinking about asking her to go get something to eat or drinks.

Maybe she knows what's up, maybe she doesn't. She very well could be noticing that you're interested in her. But she's not a mind reader. She's not necessarily going to come to the conclusion that you're not asking her out because you're waiting to clear your schoolwork.

So one possibility is you ask her out right now. Make you intentions clear about her but tell her you don't want to jeopardize your schoolwork. Schedule your first date for later in the semester. If there's a mutual attraction there, the anticipation can be a delicious thing.

 

[Kung Fu Jedi]

ranks up there with the pull out method and "just the tip"

Which are just a shade above "Trust me, it'll be fine!"

 

[Symphonia]

OK, I feel like a stupid twat now, you can shut up.

 

[Kung Fu Jedi]

OK, I feel like a stupid twat now, you can shut up.

Sorry man. Wasn't my intention to make you feel silly. I just thought this was common knowledge at this point and that people only said they were going to "double up" as a joke.

My above advice still stands though. Go set up a time to meet with this girl and see if you have chemistry in real life and not just texts and the phone. It doesn't always translate over when you're together in person, at which point which birth control method you use become a moot point.

 

[Loona]

I don't watch romantic comedies deliberately and don't listen to popular music anymore, so I don't know if any of this stuff has ever had any other kind of message. Has there ever been a movie where the guy is told to flat-out stop putting women on a pedestal? Or a song from a female singer telling guys to stop fucking doing that? Or any story about girls taking advantage of friendzoned guys? Or a movie about a protagonist who sucks at initiating relationships? The closest I can think of is end of Bedazzled where Brendan Frasier finally just asks the girl out, she says no, and he just moves on.

As far as songs go, Alanis Morisette's "Not the Doctor" comes to mind.

Spoiler

I used the song as my OKC username as a reminder of sorts

For movies, off the top of my head none focuses primarily on the topic, but I do recall a scene in Battle Royale that felt particularly powerful back when I watched it which sort of relates:

Spoiler

the story's about a classroom of students let loose on an island, armed and told to kill each other; one of them goes searching for the girl he liked but whom he never spoke to - when he finds her, since he expects him to be as threatning as anyone else in that situation, she shoots him on sight; the manga version sucks for a lot of reasons, one of them being that they changed this.

 

[The Artful Dodger]

For movies, off the top of my head none focuses primarily on the topic, but I do recall a scene in Battle Royale that felt particularly powerful back when I watched it which sort of relates:

Spoiler

the story's about a classroom of students let loose on an island, armed and told to kill each other; one of them goes searching for the girl he liked but whom he never spoke to - when he finds her, since he expects him to be as threatning as anyone else in that situation, she shoots him on sight; the manga version sucks for a lot of reasons, one of them being that they changed this.

Hahaha, "you're sooo cool."

Spoiler

It was that scene right? I think it was that scene.

 

[A Human Becoming]

Cross posting from OkGAF:

My friend talked me out of meeting up with a woman last night I met on OkCupid who was down to fuck. After talking to her Monday she sent me her number to text. That's when she started sending very sexually themed messages.

When I showed them to my friend she warned me the woman was a slut and might be carrying a nest of STDs. My friend also said I shouldn't be going after women who would have sex with anyone and that I can do better.

I think I made the right choice, but it wasn't easy because I've never had a woman so easily want to have sex with me and I haven't had it in over three years. Daddy horny Michael.

 

[FallingEdge]

ranks up there with the pull out method and "just the tip"

lol @ "just the tip"

Just to see what it feels like!

 

[Liu Kang Baking A Pie]

Cross posting from OkGAF:

My friend talked me out of meeting up with a woman last night I met on OkCupid who was down to fuck. After talking to her Monday she sent me her number to text. That's when she started sending very sexually themed messages.

When I showed them to my friend she warned me the woman was a slut and might be carrying a nest of STDs. My friend also said I shouldn't be going after women who would have sex with anyone and that I can do better.

I think I made the right choice, but it wasn't easy because I've never had a woman so easily want to have sex with me and I haven't had it in over three years. Daddy horny Michael.

Why wouldn't you do this? Just ask her if she's clean and suit up.

 

[A Human Becoming]

Why wouldn't you do this? Just ask her if she's clean and suit up.

Yeah because there's no chance she'll lie about it.

 

[Liu Kang Baking A Pie]

Yeah because there's no chance she'll lie about it.

Okay, then don't do shit. If you're already in the mindset that people are lying to you, you shouldn't be meeting anyone.

 

[Minamu]

Nice friend you have who call women sluts simply for being a bit raunchy in texts :lol Talk about jumping to extreme conclusions based on almost nothing. Follow your own thoughts and ideas, not the moral codes of your friends. You can do better, what does that even mean?

 

[Ikael]

Cross posting from OkGAF:

My friend talked me out of meeting up with a woman last night I met on OkCupid who was down to fuck. After talking to her Monday she sent me her number to text. That's when she started sending very sexually themed messages.

When I showed them to my friend she warned me the woman was a slut and might be carrying a nest of STDs. My friend also said I shouldn't be going after women who would have sex with anyone and that I can do better.

I think I made the right choice, but it wasn't easy because I've never had a woman so easily want to have sex with me and I haven't had it in over three years. Daddy horny Michael.

It sounds to me that your friend is simply put, jealous of a more sexually active woman than her, hence the whole slut-calling. Having a high libido is no sign of a lesser human being. Diregard your friend's advice and go for it, I say. Just be careful and that's it.

 

[stn]

Maybe your friend is jealous because you're about to shag another girl, or she just likes you herself.

 

[Pau]

Nice friend you have who call women sluts simply for being a bit raunchy in texts :lol Talk about jumping to extreme conclusions based on almost nothing. Follow your own thoughts and ideas, not the moral codes of your friends. You can do better, what does that even mean?

Sluts are just too easy. How can I feel validated if she's willing to have sex with so many other guys?

No seriously, A Human Becoming, you haven't had sex in three years and you missed an opportunity to meet someone new and maybe get laid because someone else said: "This girl likes sex and that makes her bad!"

 

[Count Dookkake]

10 bucks says your "friend" has already messaged her.

 

[Minamu]

Sluts are just too easy. How can I feel validated if she's willing to have sex with so many other guys?

No seriously, A Human Becoming, you haven't had sex in three years and you missed an opportunity to meet someone new and maybe get laid because someone else said: "This girl likes sex and that makes her bad!"

Exactly. And I missed that the friend was a woman herself. Don't listen to your friend AHB, go for it unless it's super obvious from your side of things that it would be a crazy idea. From here it looks like you should find out the truth on your own.

 

[A Human Becoming]

Okay, then don't do shit. If you're already in the mindset that people are lying to you, you shouldn't be meeting anyone.

Fair enough. I guess my friend's thinking rubbed out on me.

Nice friend you have who call women sluts simply for being a bit raunchy in texts :lol Talk about jumping to extreme conclusions based on almost nothing. Follow your own thoughts and ideas, not the moral codes of your friends. You can do better, what does that even mean?

Do better as it someone who isn't already so eager to fuck within days. Yeah, I did think she was being judgemental, but her heart was in the right place.

Maybe your friend is jealous because you're about to shag another girl, or she just likes you herself.

I doubt it, but she did say this over Facebook messenger (I had said I was crazy):

no ur not your A Human Becoming...your original so am I
thats why I love you
and ur funny
u have no idea how much I cracked up about this convo ha

10 bucks says your "friend" has already messaged her.

Couldn't have, my friend doesn't have an OkCupid account. Also, my friend is a woman and has a boyfriend.

Here are the texts I showed my friend the woman from OkCupid sent me:

Txt me tonight when ur out if u want ;p So embarrassed to admit, but upfront ya know... If ur into dirty talk... So am I. But I get we don't know each other well or anything

So I wanna let u know I haven't been with someone in a while but I have talked with some guys and just kinda had fun. But I am totally exclusive regardless once I start dating or sexting or w.e with someone

I have a guy who still wants to meet up and fuck and I'm like dude I got asked on a date. I can't in good conscious do both.

I messaged the woman back after the responses in this thread. I should have just gone with my first thoughts.