Situation: Dating girl who is an international student for 5 months, she'll leave in 6 back to her country. She faces some problems regarding her future here, job hunting, etc. I try to be helpful and ask her about it, what's troubling her and why she's unsure about getting her resume out. She says she's been putting thinking about this and doesn't really want to, then becomes upset and mad at me by trying to ask her something she doesn't even have an answer to.
Here's the kicker: Her replies turn into "I don't feel comfortable saying or complaining about these things. I would feel more understood by people from my own country/situation/culture. I also feel frustrated because I can't find the right words sometimes." I say that's fine to seek support from people in the same situation, but at least give me a shot at understanding what she's going through. I say that a relationship shouldn't be just about the good times, I don't mind the complaining and she's the last person I'll be impatient with. Her English is pretty excellent btw, which I mention to her now emotionless face.
More kicker: She starts saying that she may have put off doing things because she enjoyed having fun with me. Not outright blaming me, but come on, it's easy to spot. Then says "maybe we shouldn't hang out everyday." I put on my poker face and say that if she feels I'm stopping her from doing her things, she should tell me that straight up. She says it sounds terrible to say we should stop seeing each other. Granted, ALL of these exchanges were done with her taking looong pauses and her seemingly trying not to say something.
Finally: We end it by her saying, "I am tired, and I might say something I don't want to, I'll go home." I hint that this might be an excuse and she's just putting off talking about it. She storms out of the car. I try to stop her, she really wants to walk, she says. Lastly, I mention the question I asked was simple and I am not pressuring her to do any decisions, just to be of support. She gets super mad, and says "well, this is how I am, bye." Then walks away.
There I am, driving back home wondering what the hell she's thinking. The thought that maybe she's getting closer to one of her male friends who are from the same country crossed my mind. I'd like to think it's innocent and she's looking for support from people going through similar things, but it feels really bad knowing your girlfriend just won't tell you certain things because "I won't understand," but will tell some other dude who's supposed advantage is being from the same place as her. She has occasionally had "only from her country" hang outs, which happened to be just guys. Today she was to have dinner with this one guy, just the two of them. I found out only because I asked her to go out with me and some friends at the same time. I don't mind so much the going out, but the not-telling is what puts me at unease.
She called me back, saying "I'm not mad at you, just need to think by myself about these things." I said, okay, we all do, but I'd like to at least be given the chance. I feel she thinks I just cannot possibly understand, and it hurts.
So... what do.
