The Artful Dodger
Member
Don't ask about her boyfriend, it's obvious it's just a veiled way to ask her out. So...just ask her out.
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Dating-Age |OT4| Realise You're Living in the Golden Years
- Thread starter Minamu
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Don't ask about her boyfriend, it's obvious it's just a veiled way to ask her out. So...just ask her out.
Delicious Waffles
Member
This is true as well. Asking if anyone else in her family teaches makes sense but specifically bringing up a boyfriend would definitely make it obvious. Why would I specifically include that if there wasn't something behind it?
I think I'll just ask and see what happens. This stuff is difficult, especially for an overthinker like myself.
I generally just ask it for the sake of asking. I'm simply curious so I ask everyone. Or you could be funny about it and ask what their girlfriend works with I suppose. Or like you say, just ask her out, there are millions of ways to do this stuff
Femmeworth
Banned
Movie dates are like half dates, they need something else to go along with them. As for the other stuff, we don't have anything like that around here.
My place is not an option. (I live with my parents.) She is still warming up to letting me over to her place.
There are things to do, just not at night. Museums, art galleries, etc. are usually closed by 6 P.M. We both prefer more low key environments.
Hmm, there might be a comedy club.
Another issue is I don't have a job, so our dates are on the cheap side (which she is fine with). To be clear, I'm looking for places to go/things do 9 P.M. or later.
TurboLibre
Member
I'm thinking it's along those lines. She always had this idea that she'll move away to med school and that's how we would part ways. She hasn't quite made it there yet and is taking college classes to help her get into med school. So I think it's her way of achieving that idea. Get "back together" with me so she can disappear into school.
Still annoys me. She could have at least said goodbye.
trab pu kcip
Member
that's what I thought.
I need some advice, and although I already have a girlfriend I think is the best thread to find it.
I'd like to know how I should go about meeting people (preferably female) of my own age who share the same interests?
The reason I ask is that checking into rehab has forced me to leave behind almost my entire (drug using) social circle. (This is a good thing) I can count the friends I have left on one hand, but those I have are wonderful. It's just that they live in other cities. Since I'm looking for my own apartment at the moment to move into in the coming month in a new city to start over, I could use some advice as to building a new social circle here.
Thanks datingGAF!
EDIT: forgot to add that obviously anything involving parties and drinking is off limits. Things I like: literature, writing, foreign languages, philosophy, history,...
I'd like to know how I should go about meeting people (preferably female) of my own age who share the same interests?
The reason I ask is that checking into rehab has forced me to leave behind almost my entire (drug using) social circle. (This is a good thing) I can count the friends I have left on one hand, but those I have are wonderful. It's just that they live in other cities. Since I'm looking for my own apartment at the moment to move into in the coming month in a new city to start over, I could use some advice as to building a new social circle here.
Thanks datingGAF!
EDIT: forgot to add that obviously anything involving parties and drinking is off limits. Things I like: literature, writing, foreign languages, philosophy, history,...
Meetup.com is perfect for this.
Plenty of meetups surrounding activities/hobbies that doesn't involve drinking.
Yup, pretty much this...except I'd add a little something in the beginning like "hey, I thought we got along really well, wanna..." or "I think you're really cool/cute, we should...", or something else casual and complementary to ease into it and show her that you're interested in her.
It's what your end goal is anyway, no point in asking or bringing up the boyfriend.
It's fairly easy for me to make new friends in the gym. Would go well with your new lifestyle too.
Might be something worth considering.
My life is weird. I've become kinda dis-associative towards a full-on relationship, though if the right person came along I could see it working out. I am not even sure how i'm doing all this but just this week I..
- Had nice talks with roommate. She's got a date planned this next Sunday which is great for her. We've been on and off screwing around and though it was great, I kinda want to avoid making a habit of it.
- Had a friend visit solely for smoking me up and sex while I was building my computer. I even warned her it was super boring.
- Took cute girl out to dinner and a movie. Kissed at the end of the night.
- Same cute girl -- sent her a text later after work the next day so she wouldn't think im obsessing or anything. Her roommates dog ate all her special cookies so I offered to come over and smoke her up. Led to awesome sexytimes.
- Had to tell my ex that no, I will not come over and sleep with her. Couldn't do the relationship thing and she gets into a habit of thinking there's more happening. Gotta be super careful because one of my good friends lives with her and anytime im over there I feel like she's going to try something.
And this weekend is going to be all sorts of awesome. Lots of different shows downtown and Halloween parties.
It's funny, I didn't do anything to lead a life this crazy. I got an OkCupid profile and I spend time downtown at shows, outside of working and gaming. If there's anything i've learned it would be:
- Keep yourself available and open to trying all sorts of new things.
- Keeping levelheaded and confident makes a world of difference. Really, just being confident alone can take you places. I've recently become very comfortable with my living situation and my new job that I feel like I can do anything if I put my mind to it.
- First impressions matter. A lot.
- Had nice talks with roommate. She's got a date planned this next Sunday which is great for her. We've been on and off screwing around and though it was great, I kinda want to avoid making a habit of it.
- Had a friend visit solely for smoking me up and sex while I was building my computer. I even warned her it was super boring.
- Took cute girl out to dinner and a movie. Kissed at the end of the night.
- Same cute girl -- sent her a text later after work the next day so she wouldn't think im obsessing or anything. Her roommates dog ate all her special cookies so I offered to come over and smoke her up. Led to awesome sexytimes.
- Had to tell my ex that no, I will not come over and sleep with her. Couldn't do the relationship thing and she gets into a habit of thinking there's more happening. Gotta be super careful because one of my good friends lives with her and anytime im over there I feel like she's going to try something.
And this weekend is going to be all sorts of awesome. Lots of different shows downtown and Halloween parties.
It's funny, I didn't do anything to lead a life this crazy. I got an OkCupid profile and I spend time downtown at shows, outside of working and gaming. If there's anything i've learned it would be:
- Keep yourself available and open to trying all sorts of new things.
- Keeping levelheaded and confident makes a world of difference. Really, just being confident alone can take you places. I've recently become very comfortable with my living situation and my new job that I feel like I can do anything if I put my mind to it.
- First impressions matter. A lot.
Horse Detective
Why the long case?
*dumb shit*
Post is from the bottom of page 206. Sometimes the seemingly most complicated and strange situations have the obvious answers and explanations. In this case: alcohol. I just talked to her on facebook and she doesn't remember anything at all. In her world, she got so wasted that she got kicked out of at least one club, went to mcdonalds, bought food, went out and went home to bed. In my sober world, I ran into her in the food line, hugged and talked for at least half an hour, exchanged numbers and she sent two texts to me and we made out for a few seconds before she left. So the next day, she thought my text was meant for her guy friends who she thought had borrowed her phone and she still until just a few minutes ago had no clue who had sent the strange texts to me in the first place when it was in fact her all along xD And my negative response to what sounded like her mother from my perspective only reinforced her belief that she didn't know who I am since she never met me that night in her world so she obviously had no reason to reach out to me ever again. Communication people! :lol
FantasticMrFoxdie
Mumber
Dear Dating-Age,
Friends with Benefits. Is this a bad idea? Especially if I sort of like this girl?
Friends with Benefits. Is this a bad idea? Especially if I sort of like this girl?
NeOak
Member
It's not bad as long as you aren't doing it for getting a long term relationship out of it.
paging Minamu
level_e11even
Banned
Not at all.
If you sort of like this girl, however, I would recommend setting the record straight about your feelings early on. You don't want her to believe no emotion beyond physical is involved; if she moves on and wants to start something serious with someone (and trust me, it will happen), she has to know you're the first candidate.
Still, I said early on, not right away. Maybe after a couple of fucks just so you get your time's worth in the event your feelings are not reciprocated.
FantasticMrFoxdie
Mumber
Nice. thanks for the quick responses.
How about my approach to bringing it up. Just dive in and make a move, talk about it/ bring it up casually, or subtle hinting?
How about my approach to bringing it up. Just dive in and make a move, talk about it/ bring it up casually, or subtle hinting?
level_e11even
Banned
Well, this will depend on the kind of friendship you have with this girl. Is she an old friend?
Better yet, what makes you think would even agree, regardless of how you asked?
NeOak
Member
If she were an old friend, what would you say is the difference?
level_e11even
Banned
As a friend of many years, you would cement an emotional bond that can't be easily changed with a simple "Wanna be my fuckbuddy?".
It's not impossible, but certainly harder. Even then, these usually end up in full-blown relationships, not Booty Calls.
The one constant, whether old friend or not, is: there needs to be physical attraction. Usually the day-to-day interaction one holds with a friend of the apposite sex can be used to gauge a sort of probability level of intimacy. Just like there are friends who have no problem smacking a friend's butt, those usually are more open to this kind of stuff. You have to classify how open is your friend to touch & innuendo.
Even best friends are often attracted to each other, but it doesn't always reach sexual attraction, just merely physical. It's all subconscious. The idea here is to turn "You look great with that shirt" into "I want to see what's under it."
After breaking up with my girl I started messaging people on okcupid to make myself feel better. Not even interested in dating, just looking for some kind of confirmation that there are other options for my future, when I'm ready. Anyways, did surprisingly well and got a few phone numbers and already set up a date for lunch tomorrow. Don't even really feel all that much like going but I guess it's something to try? There is not a lot of info on her profile, just a bit about her job and some shows she likes. I literally only messaged her because she was hot, lol. So it might be a bit of a challenging date but we'll see!
btw am I supposed to pay for this? Do I just wait to see if she pulls out her wallet and if not I go ahead and pay?
btw am I supposed to pay for this? Do I just wait to see if she pulls out her wallet and if not I go ahead and pay?
So you're admitting. It's a challenging date...and you want to go ahead and not pay? Don't be cheap brah, if you're not paying then it ain't a date.
AdventureRacing
Member
Most girls at the gym aren't looking to pickup whilst there, they just want to work out. Also at least the gyms i go to you rarely see single girls there anyway.
Since you said you already had a girlfriend I figured you'd be more open to find male friends.
Just use okcupid or other dating sites. Should be rather easy to find girls with same interests there, I have a feeling most won't mind keeping the relationship platonic. Don't even neccessarely have to stick to your area and just check world wide.
AdventureRacing
Member
Oh just for meeting people for friends the gym is cool, doesn't sound like the sort of friends you would be after though 
.
.ThisWreckage
Banned
I've given up on dating. I'm attractive, educated, healthy, well dressed, etc. but I rarely connect with women on anything past a purely superficial level. People often give me a completely puzzled look when I tell them I'm single. Singledom is a lifestyle I've learned to love, however. I have no other choice, really.
Z
ZombieFred
Unconfirmed Member
Say guys what are your thoughts on having a bit of fun/dating with girls not having English as their primary language? At work there is this girl of similar age who is from Lativa (live in the UK here) who lives near by me and is attractive and is sweet. She works here via agency for any work and she lives by herself and sends a fair amount of wage to her family back in the country so not too sure if getting a bit more involved, even if it was just for some fun would be a good or bad thing considering the former information above.
What would you guys do in this specific situation?
What would you guys do in this specific situation?
Was supposed to have had a coffee date yesterday with this girl. Sunday night we were together on a dinner party and we flirted tremendously, walked hand in hand, and touched each other a lot. Things were looking up pretty great. She bailed on our coffee date 30 minutes after the arranged time however, and that sucked. Said she had a massive hangover (which is normal, we live in a college town and Tuesday was a particularly heavy party night)
GAF, I'm supposed to wait now for her to arrange something right? I'm pretty sure that's the right answer.
GAF, I'm supposed to wait now for her to arrange something right? I'm pretty sure that's the right answer.
chicko1983
Member
I have been going to this coffee shop next to my new office for the last couple of months and the same girl serves me whenever she is working.
A couple weeks ago she would start conversation with me about what I was doing on the weekend, rest of the day etc. I thought nothing of it and just thought she was being polite.
Last week another of my office buddies came with me to get a coffee. The girl stopped what she was doing and came and served me and started up the friendly chit chat.
After she had made the coffees and me and my buddy headed back to the office, my buddy tells me she was pretty keen on me. I told him she was just doing her job but he has convinced me that she probably is keen.
I saw her once since my friend pointed this out and she told me she was heading on holiday until next week.
I want some suggestions on how I can unakwardly progress these conversations.
Surely someone else here has picked up a waitress before. Not me though, I don't have much "game".
There are some (what I see as) constraints to the conversations.
A couple weeks ago she would start conversation with me about what I was doing on the weekend, rest of the day etc. I thought nothing of it and just thought she was being polite.
Last week another of my office buddies came with me to get a coffee. The girl stopped what she was doing and came and served me and started up the friendly chit chat.
After she had made the coffees and me and my buddy headed back to the office, my buddy tells me she was pretty keen on me. I told him she was just doing her job but he has convinced me that she probably is keen.
I saw her once since my friend pointed this out and she told me she was heading on holiday until next week.
I want some suggestions on how I can unakwardly progress these conversations.
Surely someone else here has picked up a waitress before. Not me though, I don't have much "game".
There are some (what I see as) constraints to the conversations.
- I get the coffee from the cafe window and it takes 2-3mins to make my coffee so there is not a lot of time. She always comes and serves me, even if someone else is working near the window.
- Being the window, the conversations are generally heard by one or two other people waiting for coffee.
- We dont know each other's names and it feels like it will be awkward asking for her name.
- She is younger than I am (I am 30 and she would be early 20s based on what she has told me) so I don't want to seem like a creepy older man.
ThisWreckage
Banned
Your age difference may be a boon to you because a lot of women prefer to date older men. I say go for it. Waitresses and the like are hard to read because their job is to be nice to everyone. You could easily joke that you've been going there for a long time but never thought to ask what her name is.
chicko1983
Member
Do it man.
My mate is going out with a Colombian girl who is studying in my town and its going awesome.
Only thing is, she doesn't have a lot of friends outside of her university friends and my mate. So my mates only complaint is that she wants to spend too much time with him!
chicko1983
Member
Yeah I thought she was just being polite but my mate convinced me otherwise.
His opinion was based on the fact that she starts the conversation with me but she has never said a word to him and he has been going there for the last year.
I was thinking about it and realised that she initials my loyalty card sometimes when she doesn't have a stamp. I will ask her what the initials stand for next time she signs it.
akachan ningen
Member
Too bad girls don't care about any of those things. But why can't you connect with them? Do you not tell them or show them that you like them?¿ You have to do that. I mean, when you talk to them is it just a chore, some work you need to do in order to get some pussy? If you actually like the girl, you can connect just by chatting for fun as you would with any friend and showing them how you feel.
stn
Member
^Girls definitely care about those things, just some of them may be more into personality than others. I don't buy into the "any guy can get any girl" concept, but there are definitely exceptions here and there. Anyway... @ThisWreckage - your attitude is bad. You have a "woe is me" sound to your post. You need to toughen up and get out there. Most important thing is to go out and socialize. Once you meet women - well, be assertive and confident.
EDIT: Why I don't think personality is the only thing that matters:
I met a girl over Beautiful People. Before we met she rated my pic 4/5, that means she objectively judged my looks beforehand. After we met I never heard from her again. So, I'm guessing that 4/5 probably slid down to a 3 or whatever. Definitely nothing wrong with the date itself, we talked and laughed for hours.
Sure, this is one case. But I bet it happens often. Personality can compensate for looks with many women, but its not an instant win. Looks matter.
EDIT: Why I don't think personality is the only thing that matters:
I met a girl over Beautiful People. Before we met she rated my pic 4/5, that means she objectively judged my looks beforehand. After we met I never heard from her again. So, I'm guessing that 4/5 probably slid down to a 3 or whatever. Definitely nothing wrong with the date itself, we talked and laughed for hours.
Sure, this is one case. But I bet it happens often. Personality can compensate for looks with many women, but its not an instant win. Looks matter.
Z
ZombieFred
Unconfirmed Member
Well I decided to give it a shot and gave the girl my number and she'll text me after she's finished work. No harm in having a bit of fun and some female company and see how it goes.
Kung Fu Jedi
Member
Pro Tip: Always pay on the first date. Don't hesitate at all. Just pay. It completely removes the awkwardness and will impress the girl.
If you like her and want to see her again, than contact her and arrange something. There are no "right answers" and trying to play by some set of rules is silly. It sounds like you had a great time, don't blow it by not following up. It has been my experience that most girls will wait for us to make the next move.
If she is keen on you, why not just ask for her number while you're at the window? Don't need much game considering she already seems interested.
Pass her a pen and piece of paper or something.
Dear Gaf, I need your help. I've known this girl for about two years now, I fell hard for her around the second time I saw her, which never happened to me before. We had a great time and hung out with the same crowd but very rarely alone. We have the same interests and have great conversations.
After awhile I wold her that I have feelings toward her. Sadly she didn't share these feelings and we decided not to see each other for awhile. That worked fine until I heard from a mutual friend that she's having a hard time being fazed out. I reached out to her and she was more involved in our crowd again, which was hard at first but I mellowed out later on.
I thought I had her out of my system and was looking for other dating opportunities. As you can guess, that didn't work out too good. The last few weeks we started seeing each other more frequently again and I noticed that these long forgotten feelings were starting to creep up again.
Here is the tricky part, I'm not sure to handle the situation right now. Should I try to make another move or try to bury these feelings as fast as possible? It's just so frustrating to have such a good time with her and not being able to date her. Would really appreciate some kind of advice Gaf.
After awhile I wold her that I have feelings toward her. Sadly she didn't share these feelings and we decided not to see each other for awhile. That worked fine until I heard from a mutual friend that she's having a hard time being fazed out. I reached out to her and she was more involved in our crowd again, which was hard at first but I mellowed out later on.
I thought I had her out of my system and was looking for other dating opportunities. As you can guess, that didn't work out too good. The last few weeks we started seeing each other more frequently again and I noticed that these long forgotten feelings were starting to creep up again.
Here is the tricky part, I'm not sure to handle the situation right now. Should I try to make another move or try to bury these feelings as fast as possible? It's just so frustrating to have such a good time with her and not being able to date her. Would really appreciate some kind of advice Gaf.
Kung Fu Jedi
Member
Let her go. Nothing has changed for you. It's likely that nothing has changed for her either. If it has, I'm sure she'll let you know. But you're just going to make things super awkward if you try to pursue something again.
level_e11even
Banned
Move on. Women are very complex, but on one thing they are very simple: it's damn hard to change their minds.
Unless, and this is a big unless, she has given you any hints that maybe she's changed her mind. If not, then you can be sure as hell that, for her, nothing has changed and that she's just not into you the way you are into her. To women time means very little.
Men shouldn't be friends with women they are physically and emotionally attracted to. It's a very destructive path. You have to distance yourself and meet someone else. Meeting someone else is key.
The Artful Dodger
Member
If you want to be her friend thats cool, but move on if you want a girlfriend. If you're incapable of the first, then just cut it off. Don't just hang around pining for a girl. It's no good for either party involved.
Seems like I'm officially over my ex 
I happened to pass her on the street today when I was on my bike with a friend on hers. My ex and I locked eyes for an instant and I assume she recognized me. There was no time to see who she was with but I assume it was the new guy. And I felt nothing. No gut reaction whatsoever. I don't even remember when we saw each other the last time but it was back in June or something like that so around 5 months. Feelsgoodman.jpg
I happened to pass her on the street today when I was on my bike with a friend on hers. My ex and I locked eyes for an instant and I assume she recognized me. There was no time to see who she was with but I assume it was the new guy. And I felt nothing. No gut reaction whatsoever. I don't even remember when we saw each other the last time but it was back in June or something like that so around 5 months. Feelsgoodman.jpgSeems like I'm officially over my ex
Congrats!
Getting over made me feel like a new man
level_e11even
Banned
Uh-oh, an equalist challenger appears!
Anyway, this is not accurate. Girls do care about those things.
As for ThisWreckage, you just answered your own question. Your problem is emotional connection. You seem to not have found someone worth your time. If you truly have the attributes you say you have, you have to seek companionship in places out of your comfort zone. Sometimes we think we know who these women are by looking at them but we have no idea.
huh? add in money and humor and those are like all the things they care about
Thanks, yeah this made me happy ^^ I'm still kinda angry and I miss her and all that. But at the same time I don't give a flying fuck anymore. Good thing that she saw me with a much hotter girl too xD
The Artful Dodger
Member
Reminds me of this:
http://www.theonion.com/articles/ar...keting&utm_campaign=LinkPreview:Week1:Default
Idk what to say other than either find girls that think, or don't expect them to open up with a deep conversation right off the bat.
Seems like I'm officially over my ex
Thats a great thing man. My experience is somewhat the reverse thing. I thought i was pretty much over her until i suddenly after having no contact for months she texts me what i'm doing tonight.
Instant sweat, adrenaline, heartrate skyrocketing etc. I think i even said out loud "are you fucking kidding me you dick, you're supposed to be over her"
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