Support NeoGAF

[beat]

In their case, I don't see it working out for a variety of reasons. I'm curious as to how one would recover from that. You gave up your life to merge into someone else's, and now you don't have either one. What would you do?

Depends how well I know one or both of them, but at most I'd say my objections once if I really thought it was an oncoming trainwreck. More likely I'd just hold it in and let them be, because it's not really my business.

Or you mean if it was me? I guess I'd have to pick up my old life after the couples one imploded. What else would I do?

 

[NeOak]

Jesus, that "GF kissed her ex" thread.

 

[The Artful Dodger]

In their case, I don't see it working out for a variety of reasons. I'm curious as to how one would recover from that. You gave up your life to merge into someone else's, and now you don't have either one. What would you do?

Reconnect with old friends, go hang out at sports bars/regular bars, and go to music concerts, and museums. Play Team Fortress 2 (The GAF group is awesome and that's generally my go-to game to play)

Just make it a point to go out and meet people. I'd also take up reading books and read about ideas I'm interested in. Moving on is rough, but not impossible.

Jesus, that "GF kissed her ex" thread.

Lol, lately I've taken up avoiding most of the OT threads.

 

[zeemumu]

Depends how well I know one or both of them, but at most I'd say my objections once if I really thought it was an oncoming trainwreck. More likely I'd just hold it in and let them be, because it's not really my business.

Or you mean if it was me? I guess I'd have to pick up my old life after the couples one imploded. What else would I do?

Yeah I meant what would you do if it was you. I think it's pretty obvious that it's going to crash and burn, but I don't plan on getting involved in their life.

 

[Minamu]

Jesus, that "GF kissed her ex" thread.

What's going on there? There's too many weird dating threads these days :lol

 

[NeOak]

What's going on there? There's too many weird dating threads these days :lol

OP has a ~4½ years relationship since 16 with a girl of his same age (both are 20 something).
Girl keeps in touch with ex-bf
Ex-bf hits on her from time to time, OP has noticed it.
Ex-bf kissed the girl while they were in his car, she reciprocated. (More than that, no clue)
Girl tells OP what happened on her own and says that she will cut contact with the ex-bf
90% of posters demand death (well, for OP to ditch her) and go off-topic
Devo and a couple others are trying to explain that its not black-and-white like others see it.
OP was hit by trust issues in p. 15, hasn't done anything yet though

It's a mess.

 

[UltimaPooh]

OP has a ~4½ years relationship since 16 with a girl of his same age (both are 20 something).
Girl keeps in touch with ex-bf
Ex-bf hits on her from time to time, OP has noticed it.
Ex-bf kissed the girl while they were in his car, she reciprocated. (More than that, no clue)
Girl tells OP what happened on her own and says that she will cut contact with the ex-bf
90% of posters demand death (well, for OP to ditch her) and go off-topic
Devo and a couple others are trying to explain that its not black-and-white like others see it.
OP was hit by trust issues in p. 15, hasn't done anything yet though

It's a mess.

Page 15?

 

[NeOak]

Page 15?

Welp, wrong page lol, its 13

http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showthread.php?p=88483538#post88483538

 

[Minamu]

It's a mess.

So regular teenage drama then, basically. Yawn. Not to belittle either of them but talk about inconsequential "problems".

 

[TylerD]

So, no plans came from the weekend with zombie Alice but we had a really nice DTR chat and I can sleep better...

Me: So, do you still like me? I am a pretty big fan of you.

Her: I don't know what I feel

Me: ok, I appreciate that

Her: I just don't know what to do.

Me: I understand, the way things started between us... it was really overwhelming.

Her: yeah

Edit: so now that I am certain of her uncertainty, I feel a lot better lol

 

[PflargBlarg]

Wowza.

Last night my gf went out to one of her francophone parties and I just went home because I had a cold making me feel pretty shit. I was going to head to sleep around 1am when she started sending texts about how much she missed me and that she really wanted me. I told her to not worry about the cold and come over, so she dropped everything and was there in 15 minutes. Fun times occur and then she says she has something she wants to tell me. And then she very shyly says "I love you" .
I knew we had both been feeling it for a bit, but I thought she would hold it back like I had been doing because it seemed so fast. Just over 3 weeks seems crazy, but I've never been so happy.

 

[zeemumu]

Wowza.

Last night my gf went out to one of her francophone parties and I just went home because I had a cold making me feel pretty shit. I was going to head to sleep around 1am when she started sending texts about how much she missed me and that she really wanted me. I told her to not worry about the cold and come over, so she dropped everything and was there in 15 minutes. Fun times occur and then she says she has something she wants to tell me. And then she very shyly says "I love you" .
I knew we had both been feeling it for a bit, but I thought she would hold it back like I had been doing because it seemed so fast. Just over 3 weeks seems crazy, but I've never been so happy.

D'aawwww.

It's about time we got a happy story on this thread.

 

[Dark Phoenix]

So, after not talking to any girl in hopes to make a romantic connection in years due to being busy with school, other responsibilities, etc, I talked to a girl on Halloween night at a nerd bar. I got her facebook and I want to take her out to see Thor: Dark World on opening day since we talked about some Marvel films and comics. (We were playing UMvC3 at the time).

I'm going to ask her tomorrow since I have work soon, I'm very nervous. I hope things can work out, I think things went well when I met her. I just hope I'm not taking too long to ask her out. Wish me luck GAF.

I just asked her out, I'm crazy nervous right now.

 

[macewank]

I just asked her out, I'm crazy nervous right now.

good luck!! let us know how it goes

 

[Mr.Swag]

Well I went out with that chick...
We made out...
But she gave me a little speech at the end about how she doesn't want a boyfriend
Blah blah blah


I'm used to this bullshit already.
Fuck it, she wasn't that great anyways.
We still have to work on the project together tho... So I'm just going to act like it ain't no thang,

I think she just wants to fuck, which is weird because I completely misread her. Thought she was a good girl lol.

Damn. I shoulda toned down the nice guy shit.
Girl don't know how heartless I actually am.


Well time to keep drinking.

 

[Misterhbk]

Well I went out with that chick...
We made out...
But she gave me a little speech at the end about how she doesn't want a boyfriend
Blah blah blah


I'm used to this bullshit already.
Fuck it, she wasn't that great anyways.
We still have to work on the project together tho... So I'm just going to act like it ain't no thang,

I think she just wants to fuck, which is weird because I completely misread her. Thought she was a good girl lol.

Damn. I shoulda toned down the nice guy shit.
Girl don't know how heartless I actually am.


Well time to keep drinking.

So fuck her then? Not seeing the bigger issue here lol

 

[Mr.Swag]

So fuck her then? Not seeing the bigger issue here lol

Well the way I acted,(which was the way I actually felt) was that I wanted a relationship. So she probably doesn't want to deal with that.

But I have a plan.
A dangerous plan lol
I'm just gonna talk to her in person next time and tell her I was basically full of shit on "our first date" and that I'm actually not what I come off as.
It's a gamble, but nothing to lose...

Plus, after she told me all that, I don't want a relationship anyways, so I'm just gonna try and give her the im DTF vibe.

 

[Mortimer Brewster]

Well the girl I was seeing just laid the I'm a great guy but I only wants to be friends thing on me this morning. I said that since I really like her that we can't be friends and told her if she changed her mind about dating to give me a call and if not best of luck to her.


Update

We texted back and forth and it sounds like she is conflicted on what she wants and I suggested we meet up and talk things out and see if we can solve the problems. She said she'd think about it. She and I definitely need to talk and hopefully get on the same page. I will wait to see what happens, I will post an update later.

 

[Minamu]

Well the girl I was seeing just laid the I'm a great guy but I only wants to be friends thing on me this morning. I said that since I really like her that we can't be friends and told her if she changed her mind about dating to give me a call and if not best of luck to her.


Update

We texted back and forth and it sounds like she is conflicted on what she wants and I suggested we meet up and talk things out and see if we can solve the problems. She said she'd think about it. She and I definitely need to talk and hopefully get on the same page. I will wait to see what happens, I will post an update later.

I think you handled it pretty well. But talking about it probably won't help, you two are on the same page already, just in different books perhaps. She knows what you want, you made that perfectly clear, and she's probably just conflicted over you versus another guy and doesn't know who to pick. If you try to convince her to come back to you, she'll probably go in the other direction. There shouldn't be a need for a talk if she likes you in that way. The only proper way to get her to come back is to show her a life without you and hope that it's painful for her to not have you

 

[Tsukumo]

What do you think of someone who fully integrates themselves into their boyfriend/girlfriend's life (his friends are now her friends, his house is now her house, and they leave everything in their life that doesn't have to do with their significant other behind) after knowing them for a little over a year?

Depends.
Narcissists and sociopaths are great manipulators and are able to make you think you are the centre of their world, until they consider someone worth to be tooled. So there's that.
Otherwise it may be someone with dependency issues (a single, neglected child from a rich family, boy or girl, who wants to be part of a big traditional family) someone with an extremely high level of social skill, or... Glenn Close? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OZHe3GYQp_8

 

[Mortimer Brewster]

I think you handled it pretty well. But talking about it probably won't help, you two are on the same page already, just in different books perhaps. She knows what you want, you made that perfectly clear, and she's probably just conflicted over you versus another guy and doesn't know who to pick. If you try to convince her to come back to you, she'll probably go in the other direction. There shouldn't be a need for a talk if she likes you in that way. The only proper way to get her to come back is to show her a life without you and hope that it's painful for her to not have you

I'm going to leave it as is. If she gets in touch with me and wants to talk, I'll probably agree to but be prepared to walk away. From our texts today it sounds like she feels that she is unfair to me and that I deserve better then her, maybe its a product of her feeling guilty for having to cancel plans a few times. I dunno what will happen but if she agrees to meet, I think its worth it to meet and talk out our feelings and expectations which we haven't done yet.

 

[omgkitty]

Got a sort of update from a few weeks ago. Not really sure what the last thing I updated you guys on, so I'll give the general spiel. Girl asked me why I was acting weird and I told her I was interested in her. I got shot down, but I was still cool being friends with her, and with her hanging out with a couple of my friends, I didn't have a choice anyways. My friend who was also interested but said he wasn't interested in making a move, decided to make a move less than a week later, and of course she said yes to him.

I didn't really have a problem with him asking as I knew she liked him, and I want him to be happy. Unfortunately now every time I see them together, I can't help but feel some resentment towards them and I come away just feeling bad about myself. I tried staying away from them through the week, and I would stop thinking about it, but after our game yesterday, we went to eat and I couldn't help but feel bitter afterwards. I'll admit I was kind of a dick to her, but I'm such a sarcastic person that I played it off as me just messing around, since I'm normally like that regardless of the situation.

It also doesn't help that I believe my friend genuinely kind of feels bad for me and he's been telling me how great friends we are and hugging me and stuff (yes we're dudes...and straight). It ends up just making me feel worse. Obviously I can't completely ignore them. He's my best friend and we're going to see each other every weekend regardless. I've already stopped asking to hang out, which doesn't matter since they now have plans almost every day, but even just seeing them makes me feel depressed. It also doesn't help that the other person I've been hanging out with instead was dumped a few months ago, and he's been a sad sack ever since.

I've never really been in a situation like this, and normally when I get shot down I move on by just staying away from her, but this situation is definitely new for me. Anyone have advice for me? Obviously there's nothing I can do about it, besides just trying to focus on myself to make myself better. Still doesn't really help how I feel right now.

 

[Servbot24]

D'aawwww.
It's about time we got a happy story on this thread.

But I want to wallow in sorrow with people.

 

[Mortimer Brewster]

But I want to wallow in sorrow with people.

Stay tuned to mine then.

 

[NeOak]

Got a sort of update from a few weeks ago. Not really sure what the last thing I updated you guys on, so I'll give the general spiel. Girl asked me why I was acting weird and I told her I was interested in her. I got shot down, but I was still cool being friends with her, and with her hanging out with a couple of my friends, I didn't have a choice anyways. My friend who was also interested but said he wasn't interested in making a move, decided to make a move less than a week later, and of course she said yes to him.

I didn't really have a problem with him asking as I knew she liked him, and I want him to be happy. Unfortunately now every time I see them together, I can't help but feel some resentment towards them and I come away just feeling bad about myself. I tried staying away from them through the week, and I would stop thinking about it, but after our game yesterday, we went to eat and I couldn't help but feel bitter afterwards. I'll admit I was kind of a dick to her, but I'm such a sarcastic person that I played it off as me just messing around, since I'm normally like that regardless of the situation.

It also doesn't help that I believe my friend genuinely kind of feels bad for me and he's been telling me how great friends we are and hugging me and stuff (yes we're dudes...and straight). It ends up just making me feel worse. Obviously I can't completely ignore them. He's my best friend and we're going to see each other every weekend regardless. I've already stopped asking to hang out, which doesn't matter since they now have plans almost every day, but even just seeing them makes me feel depressed. It also doesn't help that the other person I've been hanging out with instead was dumped a few months ago, and he's been a sad sack ever since.

I've never really been in a situation like this, and normally when I get shot down I move on by just staying away from her, but this situation is definitely new for me. Anyone have advice for me? Obviously there's nothing I can do about it, besides just trying to focus on myself to make myself better. Still doesn't really help how I feel right now.

Sorry man, but we warned you.

That guy chose to go for her knowing what it would do to you. He went for his happiness and its ok to do so. But it is also ok for you to seek your own happiness.

You need to downgrade your "best" friend (the one who stabbed you after lying to your face) to "barely acquaintance" level. He KNOWS he fucked up, that is why he's doing all that affection crap.

Her? You don't know her. She's dead for all you care.

You'll have to do it until you don't care. When is that? No idea, but you have to look out for your own interests too, the same way those two did for theirs.

Its either cut them out or eventually blow up on their faces. Keep your dignity and just cut them.

 

[stn]

@omgkitty

This was bound to happen. I just want to add that you shouldn't feel bad or down about the girl simply because she doesn't even like you in that way. Its futile for you to waste energy when it really won't help AT ALL. As for your friend? Yeah, it stings. My only advice is to spend your time with other people for the time being. Use the fact that he's busy now with his girlfriend as an excuse to stay away.

In the end, however, you should try not to feel bad about a girl that was never really yours anyway. Of course this is very difficult but do what you can. Go out, engage in things, and exercise your mind.

 

[Kung Fu Jedi]

Wowza.

Last night my gf went out to one of her francophone parties and I just went home because I had a cold making me feel pretty shit. I was going to head to sleep around 1am when she started sending texts about how much she missed me and that she really wanted me. I told her to not worry about the cold and come over, so she dropped everything and was there in 15 minutes. Fun times occur and then she says she has something she wants to tell me. And then she very shyly says "I love you" .
I knew we had both been feeling it for a bit, but I thought she would hold it back like I had been doing because it seemed so fast. Just over 3 weeks seems crazy, but I've never been so happy.

A similar thing happened between my girl and I, although it was me that told her I loved her first. It was a fairly quick admission too, but we are both super happy now and have a great outlook on where we are headed together. Spent the whole weekend with her, and next week we're doing 4-days at Disney World. We have our weekends planned out through the end of the year as well, so we'll see each other every few weeks while we do the long distance thing for now. After the first of the year, we're going to get serious about where we want to move together and start our lives together. It has been an amazing ride so far.

 

[Valus]

So, no plans came from the weekend with zombie Alice but we had a really nice DTR chat and I can sleep better...

Me: So, do you still like me? I am a pretty big fan of you.

Her: I don't know what I feel

Me: ok, I appreciate that

Her: I just don't know what to do.

Me: I understand, the way things started between us... it was really overwhelming.

Her: yeah

Edit: so now that I am certain of her uncertainty, I feel a lot better lol

Damn, sorry to hear that this roller coaster is still going on. I wouldn't be able to handle it personally. Sounds like you're keeping your cool which is great. I know it's hard but I wouldn't get too emotionally attached if I were you. Even though you felt a lot of chemistry there's definitely something up. I just don't want to see you take off immediately into 7th Heaven just to crash and burn.

In other words, try not to be on the roller coaster. Just stand beside it and observe.

 

[beat]

You need to downgrade your "best" friend (the one who stabbed you after lying to your face) to "barely acquaintance" level. He KNOWS he fucked up, that is why he's doing all that affection crap.

I don't agree. I don't think his best friend did anything that wrong. It's just a crappy situation where at least one person was gonna feel rejected at the end.

I do agree that he should get emotional distance though.

 

[TylerD]

Damn, sorry to hear that this roller coaster is still going on. I wouldn't be able to handle it personally. Sounds like you're keeping your cool which is great. I know it's hard but I wouldn't get too emotionally attached if I were you. Even though you felt a lot of chemistry there's definitely something up. I just don't want to see you take off immediately into 7th Heaven just to crash and burn.

In other words, try not to be on the roller coaster. Just stand beside it and observe.

Knowing what I know now, it is going to be easier for me to temper my emotions. Plan is to just msg later this week and see if she wants to do something again. I'm cool with riding this out and seeing what happens because I feel that the end result would be absolutely worth it.

She got me hooked on Stargate SG-1 so between watching 2-3 episodes of that a day and working out things will be OK. I do need to make some guy friends too.

 

[PflargBlarg]

A similar thing happened between my girl and I, although it was me that told her I loved her first. It was a fairly quick admission too, but we are both super happy now and have a great outlook on where we are headed together. Spent the whole weekend with her, and next week we're doing 4-days at Disney World. We have our weekends planned out through the end of the year as well, so we'll see each other every few weeks while we do the long distance thing for now. After the first of the year, we're going to get serious about where we want to move together and start our lives together. It has been an amazing ride so far.

Good to hear you're solid even though it's long distance! We live very close so there's only been 4 or so days out of the last 3 weeks that we haven't seen each other. I don't expect that to change much until she heads back to Quebec for the christmas season. And like you, it's been really incredible and we're both excited for the coming year. I think we would seriously look into moving in together after my lease is up early next year.

 

[Minus_Me]

Wowza.

Last night my gf went out to one of her francophone parties and I just went home because I had a cold making me feel pretty shit. I was going to head to sleep around 1am when she started sending texts about how much she missed me and that she really wanted me. I told her to not worry about the cold and come over, so she dropped everything and was there in 15 minutes. Fun times occur and then she says she has something she wants to tell me. And then she very shyly says "I love you" .
I knew we had both been feeling it for a bit, but I thought she would hold it back like I had been doing because it seemed so fast. Just over 3 weeks seems crazy, but I've never been so happy.

This is going to feel like a drive by post, but what exactly is a Francophone party? On the other hand, nice going and wish you the best!

 

[Go_Ly_Dow]

distancing myself from a girl which dating/relationship wise it fell apart with (something I have mentioned here before). we're close friends now, but whenever we hang out a she kinda sucks me in and I concentrate far too much on her.

she asked me to go to the gym tonight. I said I had already been (haven't really). She lacks the confidence to go alone.

Feel like an ass , but know it was the right decision.

 

[UltimaPooh]

I don't know why this movie gets so much praise. I thought 500 Days of Summer started out great but lost all its potential towards the ending.
instead of sticking with the more realistic and innovative approach from the beginning it became a "you gotta find THE ONE"-cheesy-wedding-shitfest like any other rom-com.
the only movie that really surprised me in that regard was eat pray love, which was much more about finding yourself instead of finding the one, so that wasn't nearly as toxic as all the other hollywood stuff.

You gotta find the one?

Within the plot of the movie he never found the one... He ended up being wrong about Summer.

Autumn is an opportunity. Not finding the one.

 

[Mortimer Brewster]

Knowing what I know now, it is going to be easier for me to temper my emotions. Plan is to just msg later this week and see if she wants to do something again. I'm cool with riding this out and seeing what happens because I feel that the end result would be absolutely worth it.

She got me hooked on Stargate SG-1 so between watching 2-3 episodes of that a day and working out things will be OK. I do need to make some guy friends too.

Waiting things out is the hardest thing to do. I'm going to do the same with my situation and see if she decides she wants to meet and talk things out.

 

[trab pu kcip]

You gotta find the one?

Within the plot of the movie he never found the one... He ended up being wrong about Summer.

Autumn is an opportunity. Not finding the one.

she found "the one" though. the whole unconventional take on relationships that was established earlier was ultimately destroyed because of that. instead of saying it's okay and natural for a gal to not want something too serious all together everything ends with "oh what I said earlier was bullshit, I'm a cute white girl in the prime of my life, OF COURSE I want to settle down & marry you fucking idiot. there are not other options. you just weren't the right one."
this really bothered me. it reinforced the same old clichees every other rom-com promotes. I liked that the movie suggested alternative relationship ideas in the beginning but it simply did not follow through with them.

 

[The Artful Dodger]

You gotta find the one?

Within the plot of the movie he never found the one... He ended up being wrong about Summer.

Autumn is an opportunity. Not finding the one.

she found "the one" though. the whole unconventional take on relationships that was established earlier was ultimately destroyed because of that. instead of saying it's okay and natural for a gal to not want something too serious all together everything ends with "oh what I said earlier was bullshit, I'm a cute white girl in the prime of my life, OF COURSE I want to settle down & marry you fucking idiot. there are not other options. you just weren't the right one."
this really bothered me. it reinforced the same old clichees every other rom-com promotes. I liked that the movie suggested alternative relationship ideas in the beginning but it simply did not follow through with them.

Joseph Gordon-Levitt Says His '(500) Days Of Summer' Character Is 'Selfish,' Not A Role Model

"He develops a mildly delusional obsession over a girl onto whom he projects all these fantasies," Gordon-Levitt explained. "He thinks she’ll give his life meaning because he doesn’t care about much else going on in his life. A lot of boys and girls think their lives will have meaning if they find a partner who wants nothing else in life but them. That’s not healthy. That’s falling in love with the idea of a person, not the actual person."

Moral of the Stories: Don't take cues for your life from Rom-Coms. There's nothin' wrong with enjoying them a bit. But like...they're entertainment, it's not meant to guide you.

 

[PflargBlarg]

This is going to feel like a drive by post, but what exactly is a Francophone party? On the other hand, nice going and wish you the best!

Right, since Canada has the heavily french speaking Quebec and the rest is mostly english, it becomes somewhat relevant to distinguish between what culture an event is based around when dating a french-canadian. Anglophone and francophone literally just mean 'english-speaking' and 'french-speaking' but colloquially it's talking about your cultural background as well. Someone who grew up here in Vancouver would not be referred to as francophone even if they were fluent in french.
There are a decent number of Quebecois that have moved here as well as french ex-pats, so there are some french cultural organizations and event organizers that run francophone centered events. This particular one is a dance party that plays Quebecois classics as well as throwing in some stuff like Daft Punk (since they're from France). Generally speaking, Quebecois are very proud of their french culture, and the provincial government is quite protective of it as well. I love it as well, it's fun that there's a place in my country that's so completely different. Being on the other side of the country, it's enjoyable for them to get a taste of their home when they can. As a bonus, we can hit up concerts here that would cost triple the price in Quebec because no one here knows the artists.

I think I may have overexplained on that

 

[trab pu kcip]

Joseph Gordon-Levitt Says His '(500) Days Of Summer' Character Is 'Selfish,' Not A Role Model




Moral of the Stories: Don't take cues for your life from Rom-Coms. There's nothin' wrong with enjoying them a bit. But like...they're entertainment, it's not meant to guide you.

easy to say. most of us grew up with all those different ideals about love/relationships portrayed in certain kinds of movies & other media. it's neatly programmed in our brains by the time we hit puberty. I find myself struggling to get rid of them sometimes, even though I'm fully aware of them and I think this goes for most people who grew up like this.
what levitt said about his role is cool but I was talking about summer's character arc, that's what I'm most upset about.

 

[Minus_Me]

Right, since Canada has the heavily french speaking Quebec and the rest is mostly english, it becomes somewhat relevant to distinguish between what culture an event is based around when dating a french-canadian. Anglophone and francophone literally just mean 'english-speaking' and 'french-speaking' but colloquially it's talking about your cultural background as well. Someone who grew up here in Vancouver would not be referred to as francophone even if they were fluent in french.
There are a decent number of Quebecois that have moved here as well as french ex-pats, so there are some french cultural organizations and event organizers that run francophone centered events. This particular one is a dance party that plays Quebecois classics as well as throwing in some stuff like Daft Punk (since they're from France). Generally speaking, Quebecois are very proud of their french culture, and the provincial government is quite protective of it as well. I love it as well, it's fun that there's a place in my country that's so completely different. Being on the other side of the country, it's enjoyable for them to get a taste of their home when they can. As a bonus, we can hit up concerts here that would cost triple the price in Quebec because no one here knows the artists.

I think I may have overexplained on that

As a Quebecois I had no idea that ex pats organized parties like that for themselves. As I live in Montreal, I've never been to a party that identifies as Anglophone or Francophone which led to wonder why there would be a distinction. That's really cool and something I really never thought about. Thanks for your insight!

 

[level_e11even]

distancing myself from a girl which dating/relationship wise it fell apart with (something I have mentioned here before). we're close friends now, but whenever we hang out a she kinda sucks me in and I concentrate far too much on her.

she asked me to go to the gym tonight. I said I had already been (haven't really). She lacks the confidence to go alone.

Feel like an ass , but know it was the right decision.

You're distancing yourself by being close friends with her? That's a very self-destructive path my friend. And I take it "focusing too much on her" means you still have feelings for her? What happened, she didn't reciprocate?

 

[NeOak]

distancing myself from a girl which dating/relationship wise it fell apart with (something I have mentioned here before). we're close friends now, but whenever we hang out a she kinda sucks me in and I concentrate far too much on her.

I did that.

Run and don't look back.

 

[level_e11even]

Wowza.

Last night my gf went out to one of her francophone parties and I just went home because I had a cold making me feel pretty shit. I was going to head to sleep around 1am when she started sending texts about how much she missed me and that she really wanted me. I told her to not worry about the cold and come over, so she dropped everything and was there in 15 minutes. Fun times occur and then she says she has something she wants to tell me. And then she very shyly says "I love you" .
I knew we had both been feeling it for a bit, but I thought she would hold it back like I had been doing because it seemed so fast. Just over 3 weeks seems crazy, but I've never been so happy.

 

[beat]

what levitt said about his role is cool but I was talking about summer's character arc, that's what I'm most upset about.

Yeah, but ultimately the movie was about Tom's failings, and in that regard I think it's acceptable (not ideal) that Summer's arc was less fleshed out. I mean, part of why she's a mystery to the audience is because Tom doesn't really connect with her.

So really, all we know is that Summer got married, crazy quick, and to someone she thought was the one. Doesn't mean she really got The One as in Tom's fantasies of what that means, and it doesn't mean a lifetime of wedded bliss is her destiny now.

 

[Minamu]

It was also recommended because of its message, nailed by Levitt in that interview, not because of Summer's lacking arc. That doesn't really detract from the wisdom of the movie and it seems to have helped a handful of people in here already. The point was to stop thinking like Levitt's character. We all make that point in here regularly. It helps to see the same crap happen to someone else.

 

[Pau]

I think Trab's misgivings are pretty valid for why someone wouldn't enjoy the movie or would be frustrated by it. It's just another film where the female character's role is to be an object for the main character and in which she ultimately falls into a very expected, set romantic role even if it attempts to be a deconstruction of that.

 

[Mortimer Brewster]

I did that.

Run and don't look back.

Yeah you can't be friends with someone you have those feelings for. Its better to either cut ties or if there is any chance give them the chance to sort their own feelings out about the relationship.

 

[Leeness]

Stay tuned to mine then.

The girl who went to the funeral? Sorry it's not working out

 

[Mortimer Brewster]

The girl who went to the funeral? Sorry it's not working out

Yeah, she gave me the whole I just want to be friends thing this morning. I said I couldn't do that but if she decided she still wanted to date me to give me a shout. That started a long conversation which gave me the impression that she still has feelings for me but is confused about what she wants and there were things we needed to talk about. I suggested we get together in person and talk about everything face to face to see if we could salvage this. She said she would think about it. So now I am going to give her space and see what happens.

 

[bcl0328]

threads leaking into off-topic??