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[youngwerther]

Don't tell her to not contact you. That just reveals how frustrated you are, and you'd be lashing out. It's lame.

Just ignore her.

Speaking of, I deleted that other girl out of my phone, the one that always responds warmly but puts off meeting up. Kind of a similar situation I guess. Feels good.


The girl who came over the other night is texting me now and I really just don't get her.
I don't know if it's because she's young and used to getting what she wants but sometimes she acts like a child.

Her - "Hey I forgot about the homework due soon..do you have time to meet up tomorrow?"
Me - "Tomorrow evening"
Her - "Oh, I won't be here tomorrow evening."
Me - "K maybe next time"
Her - "You can't work on it during the day?"
Me - "I have plans during the day."
Her - "Like what?"


This is why I don't know about her. Sometimes she's really cool and other times she's kind of annoying.

Also, I'm tired of only meeting up with girls for the purposes of classwork. That kind of thing is boring me to tears and I'm done with using it as an excuse to meet up with girls and get their numbers because then this happens where you are trapped in circle of only feeling like you can reach out to each other for the purposes of classwork.

I mean she came to my apartment alone a few nights ago and we barely know each other, I feel like that should count for something and I should be able to elevate beyond classwork, but once you get on that track, it isn't clear how to get off of it.

 

[zeemumu]

Thanks guys... Do you see anything in that she keeps initiating contact with me though? Nice to remember what having feelings for someone is like but also a bitch too when a single "bloop" on your phone can elevate your heart rate 50 bpm.

I wish I knew how to not put that much attention on my phone.

 

[NeOak]

Maybe, she JUST msged me again... gahhhhh

I know that feel bro D:

I'm not sending anything to my crush, but I know that she knows I'm not sending anything. So when she sends me something because I haven't sent anything I'll go "nnnnnnnnnggggggggghhhhh" like you

Edit: Speak of the devil. I wrote a Starship Troopers quote as a status message on Skype like an hour and a half ago. I just noticed she asked me like an hour ago if it was a Starship troopers quote. (If you know how Skype works for recent chats, last message was on Sunday. Most likely checked my profile)

Edit: Happened too with a Castlevania quote last week.

nnnnnnnnnnnggggghhhhhh lol

 

[GK86]

Also, I'm tired of only meeting up with girls for the purposes of classwork. That kind of thing is boring me to tears and I'm done with using it as an excuse to meet up with girls and get their numbers because then this happens where you are trapped in circle of only feeling like you can reach out to each other for the purposes of classwork.

I'm in the same boat as you. Got the number (made my intentions known) and then it turned into a classwork helpline. I stopped responding a few days after it looked like it was going nowhere.

 

[RoKKeR]

I'm in the same boat as you. Got the number (made my intentions known) and then it turned into a classwork helpline. I stopped responding a few days after it looked like it was going nowhere.

This just happened to me as well, there's just not much you can do about it if there's nothing there.

 

[NeOak]

I wish I knew how to not put that much attention on my phone.

It's more like, the timing lol

 

[youngwerther]

I'm in the same boat as you. Got the number (made my intentions known) and then it turned into a classwork helpline. I stopped responding a few days after it looked like it was going nowhere.

I don't think I'm in exactly the same boat because I don't think I ever make my intentions known.

I'm pretty sure the girls I do this to have an intuitive understanding of what I'm doing, and I'm sure they equally are wondering if I'm ever going to make a move or if I'm going to keep pretending that the only reason I approached the hottest girl in the class was for classwork stuff.

This chick was over here in a pristine tidy apartment, I was drinking, there was a lava lamp and two candles lit, the windows open letting in the night air, the moonlight coming through from the balcony, and we sat on the couch going over physics. It was rather absurd.

 

[TylerD]

I'm just going to ignore her. I still think her feelings are conflicted though.

Like look at this shit!

-first date, talk for 5 hours and kiss goodnight
-2nd day, cook dinner, cuddle, kissing, asked to stay the night (I should not have accepted)
-3rd day msgs saying she really likes me and had a great time, need to meet her friends on Friday but she wants to see me before. Says that I make her nervous in a good way.
-4th day, we see Gravity, she is blown away by it and impressed with my recommendation. She msgs me that she was disappointed there was no goodnight kiss.
-5th day, no plans to see each other. Her freaking car battery dies and she calls me. We eat dinner and she talks about how great the week has been and that she really hopes that her friends like me because she really likes me
6th day, meet her friends to pass the "douchebag" test. Hit it off really well with everyone. She invites me back to watch a movie and spend the night again.

We both realize, ok... so probably need to slow down here... one date in 2.5 weeks since then. Last Sunday says she doesn't know what to do or how she feels.She initiates contact 90% of time.

Why they got to be crazy GAF?!?

 

[Dark Phoenix]

good luck!! let us know how it goes

Thanks, so far, no response. I don't think she's been on Facebook since Saturday. Guess I just have to wait. I wanted to take her out tomorrow, but that's not happening anymore.

 

[manfestival]

Going on a date this friday evening

I decided to meet up at a starbucks and hang out there for a little while. Then we are gonna go go-karting at this new indoor place that looks freakin cool. I was asking for advice and everyone told me to play it safe and just go to dinner and do all these personal/romantic things. I just want it to be me naturally and have fun anyways.

So how did I do on my choices for the evening? I am a little nervous but I feel like I got nothing to be nervous about

 

[MeBecomingI]

Going on a date this friday evening

I decided to meet up at a starbucks and hang out there for a little while. Then we are gonna go go-karting at this new indoor place that looks freakin cool. I was asking for advice and everyone told me to play it safe and just go to dinner and do all these personal/romantic things. I just want it to be me naturally and have fun anyways.

So how did I do on my choices for the evening? I am a little nervous but I feel like I got nothing to be nervous about

Those are good choices, I think. They are light and fun. Dinner is a good choice too though. If this one goes well, you should think about going for dinner as your second date. Just don't over think the date. Be relaxed, calm and smile.

 

[GK86]

Going on a date this friday evening

I decided to meet up at a starbucks and hang out there for a little while. Then we are gonna go go-karting at this new indoor place that looks freakin cool. I was asking for advice and everyone told me to play it safe and just go to dinner and do all these personal/romantic things. I just want it to be me naturally and have fun anyways.

So how did I do on my choices for the evening? I am a little nervous but I feel like I got nothing to be nervous about

I like the choices. I'm from the camp that hates dinner/movies though.

 

[Mortimer Brewster]

I'm just going to ignore her. I still think her feelings are conflicted though.

Like look at this shit!

-first date, talk for 5 hours and kiss goodnight
-2nd day, cook dinner, cuddle, kissing, asked to stay the night (I should not have accepted)
-3rd day msgs saying she really likes me and had a great time, need to meet her friends on Friday but she wants to see me before. Says that I make her nervous in a good way.
-4th day, we see Gravity, she is blown away by it and impressed with my recommendation. She msgs me that she was disappointed there was no goodnight kiss.
-5th day, no plans to see each other. Her freaking car battery dies and she calls me. We eat dinner and she talks about how great the week has been and that she really hopes that her friends like me because she really likes me
6th day, meet her friends to pass the "douchebag" test. Hit it off really well with everyone. She invites me back to watch a movie and spend the night again.

We both realize, ok... so probably need to slow down here... one date in 2.5 weeks since then. Last Sunday says she doesn't know what to do or how she feels.She initiates contact 90% of time.

Why they got to be crazy GAF?!?

Go totally no contact for a few weeks. If she likes you, she'll go crazy being ignored. If she's conflicted yo removing yourself from her life might force her to make a decision.

 

[Artofwar420]

Guys, what should I do about a guy complimenting my gf on a FB picture? I just posted a comment like, "yeah she is!" Am I done?

 

[zeemumu]

It's more like, the timing lol

Well it's pretty common that I get text messages really late because one of my friends has a habit of losing her phone or leaving it behind. It's not just with me, it's with pretty much anyone, so I've started getting used to it, but there are times when my paranoia starts getting the best of me and I start thinking that she just doesn't want to talk to me, which is why I keep checking my phone. It happens every time and I wish I could kick that habit.

Guys, what should I do about a guy complimenting my gf on a FB picture? I just posted a comment like, "yeah she is!" Am I done?

Might be overreacting a bit.

 

[Mortimer Brewster]

Well it's pretty common that I get text messages really late because one of my friends has a habit of losing her phone or leaving it behind. It's not just with me, it's with pretty much anyone, so I've started getting used to it, but there are times when my paranoia starts getting the best of me and I start thinking that she just doesn't want to talk to me, which is why I keep checking my phone. It happens every time and I wish I could kick that habit.

I think most of us have that problem at times. I think that is one of the things that has contributed to my falling out with B. She wasn't the most text happy girl and I'm pretty much glued to my phone so I texted her a fair bit. It's one of the reasons going cold turkey from her is going to be a challenge but if there is any hope of reconciliation, I need to give her the time and space to figure things out and possibly realize she still wants to be with me.

 

[EvaristeG]

Guys, what should I do about a guy complimenting my gf on a FB picture? I just posted a comment like, "yeah she is!" Am I done?

Nothing.

 

[Artofwar420]

Might be overreacting a bit.

I wanted to say that, I just commented about another thing in the photo and the guys commented again with another compliment.

Yeah, I will just leave it there even though I wonder why a friend of hers would be saying these things. My inner caveman tells me "hell no, not gonna let this chump step on my turf." But that seems weak as shit.

 

[AdventureRacing]

I wanted to say that, I just commented about another thing in the photo and the guys commented again with another compliment.

Yeah, I will just leave it there even though I wonder why a friend of hers would be saying these things. My inner caveman tells me "hell no, not gonna let this chump step on my turf." But that seems weak as shit.

I don't really worry about it. There is a guy who works with my partner who did something similar recently (he definitely fancies her) but i'm not worried because i know she wouldn't do anything. It only becomes a problem for me if it becomes a problem for her. Basically if they're posting stuff that is awkward or would make her feel uncomfortable.

 

[TylerD]

Go totally no contact for a few weeks. If she likes you, she'll go crazy being ignored. If she's conflicted yo removing yourself from her life might force her to make a decision.

Yeah, it is essentially over at this point unless she shows interest in seeing me again.

The thing with my phone, is that I was using iMessage to chat with her on my work phone so anytime that one made noise I knew it was her.

 

[Artofwar420]

I don't really worry about it. There is a guy who works with my partner who did something similar recently (he definitely fancies her) but i'm not worried because i know she wouldn't do anything. It only becomes a problem for me if it becomes a problem for her. Basically if they're posting stuff that is awkward or would make her feel uncomfortable.

What are some examples of awkward posts, in your opinion. Complimenting your partner in FB is not awkward? Like everybody knows she's my gf at this point.

Just looking for some perspective here.

 

[AdventureRacing]

What are some examples of awkward posts, in your opinion. Complimenting your partner in FB is not awkward? Like everybody knows she's my gf at this point.

Just looking for some perspective here.

We were just on holiday and she posted a pic of herself in a new dress before we went out. He posted something along the lines of (looking good x) along with a bunch of other people. That doesn't bother me at all and didn't bother her. Maybe if it was a little more crude or suggestive it might bother me.

It probably also depends how often they do it.

Edit: It's hard to think of specific examples of awkward comments.

 

[Artofwar420]

We were just on holiday and she posted a pic of herself in a new dress before we went out. He posted something along the lines of (looking good x) along with a bunch of other people. That doesn't bother me at all and didn't bother her. Maybe if it was a little more crude or suggestive it might bother me.

It probably also depends how often they do it.

Edit: It's hard to think of specific examples of awkward comments.

How about something like "baby"? Granted, English is not his first language and he lives far away. But they were friends from a few years ago.

 

[WolfForager]

Yeah, it is essentially over at this point unless she shows interest in seeing me again.

The thing with my phone, is that I was using iMessage to chat with her on my work phone so anytime that one made noise I knew it was her.

I was in a similar situation about 2 months ago.

I was seeing a girl for almost two months, I had known her for years, she had a boyfriend for ages but one night I bumped into her and she let it slip that she liked me. Anyway I ran into her again a few months after she broke it off with her BF and we ended up gtting together. For the first month we were texting nearly every day but because of our schedules we didn't get to see each other, maybe once every two weeks.

Anyway, we went on a few dates, she loved them all, said she'd never met a guy who put that much thought into dates. I thought things were going great. Then we didn't see each other for about 3 weeks. The regularity of communication stalled and I think I went a week without speaking to her, I thought it had just run it's natural course and it had fizzled out.

Ran into her again one night and ended up kissing her et al. Sent her a text the next day asking if she wanted to meet up sometime and I got some half arsed excuses and what not. Tried it again a few days later and got the same thing, eventually she gave me a fairly clear indication that it was over.

Over the next weeks and even up to now she sends me random messages but when I reply all I get is almost clinical responses until I just give up.

Just leave it man. It's not worth it.

 

[MikeE21286]

So here we go again Dating-GAF...

As you may recall, I was going to go no contact for around 2 weeks with zombie Alice and felt much better about the situation. Then she msgs me first thing Wednesday morning and this morning. Nothing really comes of it. I ask her when is a good night to go out and get no response.

This is fucking with my head. If she is msging me before 7:30 in the morning, I read that as interest (she is thinking about me in the morning).

But if she doesn't want to see me right now, I would rather have her not msg me at all.

I'm thinking of telling her not to contact me unless she is interested in seeing me.

Thoughts?

Is there any reason you could see for her not answering you back? I mean what is the normal rate you guys have discourse back and forth (I'm trying to give her the benefit of the doubt here).

Honestly sounds like she's interested but not too interested. She likes to keep stringing you along....

 

[AdventureRacing]

How about something like "baby"? Granted, English is not his first language and he lives far away. But they were friends from a few years ago.

Depends on exactly what he said. If my GF is uncomfortable with something she normally tells me. If it's just a one off or something i wouldn't worry too much about it.

 

[Artofwar420]

Depends on exactly what he said. If my GF is uncomfortable with something she normally tells me. If it's just a one off or something i wouldn't worry too much about it.

I see now, the way you look at it is it depends on her level of comfort. Let's put a hypothetical up, what if she is comfortable with flirting with other guys? Like, what are your boundaries basically.

 

[Mortimer Brewster]

I was in a similar situation about 2 months ago.

I was seeing a girl for almost two months, I had known her for years, she had a boyfriend for ages but one night I bumped into her and she let it slip that she liked me. Anyway I ran into her again a few months after she broke it off with her BF and we ended up gtting together. For the first month we were texting nearly every day but because of our schedules we didn't get to see each other, maybe once every two weeks.

Anyway, we went on a few dates, she loved them all, said she'd never met a guy who put that much thought into dates. I thought things were going great. Then we didn't see each other for about 3 weeks. The regularity of communication stalled and I think I went a week without speaking to her, I thought it had just run it's natural course and it had fizzled out.

Ran into her again one night and ended up kissing her et al. Sent her a text the next day asking if she wanted to meet up sometime and I got some half arsed excuses and what not. Tried it again a few days later and got the same thing, eventually she gave me a fairly clear indication that it was over.

Over the next weeks and even up to now she sends me random messages but when I reply all I get is almost clinical responses until I just give up.

Just leave it man. It's not worth it.

Sounds like a bunch of have similarly conflicted girls who have no clue what they want. Best thing to do there is to step away and only step back in if they give a clear indication they want to pursue something romantically.

 

[PflargBlarg]

Guys, what should I do about a guy complimenting my gf on a FB picture? I just posted a comment like, "yeah she is!" Am I done?

I almost said it last time, but now it's for sure. You have some serious trust issues my friend. As I pointed out before, these things shouldn't even be popping up on your 'relationship danger' radar or whatever you want to call it. As an example, I went to a halloween dance party with my gf and a bunch of mutual friends. One of them is very good friends with her and they danced together for a bit. I was jealous for like half a second before I realized that I didn't really give a fuck because I knew she wouldn't do anything and hell, I was hitting that just 2 hours ago. I also trust her enough to tell me if somebody made her uncomfortable because of hitting on her, especially since she has already done so.

Aggressively defending your 'turf' makes you come off as a jealous psycho and is really not a good look. If you feel that you have to DO something when somebody compliments your gf, you've got a problem. I mean, if I hear stuff like that I just feel really good that this girl that loves me is thought to be wonderful by many other people as well.

Obviously, there is a point where it turns from comfortably complimenting to repeated blatant hitting on, but you are light years away from there.

EDIT: And I don't know everything about your situation of course. Maybe you do have good reason to not trust her. But if so, that's something that you really need to address with her. Communication is the key. If you have a problem, talk about it.

 

[TylerD]

Is there any reason you could see for her not answering you back? I mean what is the normal rate you guys have discourse back and forth (I'm trying to give her the benefit of the doubt here).

Honestly sounds like she's interested but not too interested. She likes to keep stringing you along....

After we chatted Sunday night and she said she didn't know how she feels about me and that she just doesn't know what to do... I took that as a sign to give her space which was my plan (at least 2 weeks).

I felt a lot better and was able to put my feelings to the side. I went out on a date Tuesday night with another girl and then she messages me first thing Wed at 7:20 I respond a couple of hours later and nothing else really comes of it, both said we are busy.
She was out with her friends Wednesday night and I told her I wanted to take her out other than Thursday. She said, can't busy Thursday.. I knew she was drinking so was done with comm for the night.

Does the same thing Thursday morning. I asked her when would be a good time to go out other than tonight in the afternoon. Got a "?" I said we already established not tonight. No response for 5 hrs then she msged hi again last night around 9:30 after I had already decided to go no contact (but for real this time lol)

I'm starting to think that I am just being strung along too so I am done with it for now. If it isn't just wanting attention the msging first thing in the morning like she was doing was making me think, maybe I am on her mind...

Sent her a msg on OKC last night saying "you know where my feelings are and you say you don't know how you feel or what to do. I cant say anything to help you through this process other than it was scary for me too how fast things started between us, but good scary IMO and I hope you agree." Mentioned how her car breaking down even helped to bring us together that week. Closed in saying if you want to see me again let me know, otherwise, best of luck with everything.

I wouldn't respond to her msgs this week at all if I could do it over.

Been out of the game too long so this was a nice crash course to get going again and I thank you guys for all the help. Really great community here and I am very happy to be a part of it.

 

[MikeE21286]

Yeah it all sounds like she's playing games.

I would consider it done for the time being and move on like you planned. She already sees that you've put yourself out there and if she really wanted to get together with you she would have already.

 

[Artofwar420]

I almost said it last time, but now it's for sure. You have some serious trust issues my friend. As I pointed out before, these things shouldn't even be popping up on your 'relationship danger' radar or whatever you want to call it. As an example, I went to a halloween dance party with my gf and a bunch of mutual friends. One of them is very good friends with her and they danced together for a bit. I was jealous for like half a second before I realized that I didn't really give a fuck because I knew she wouldn't do anything and hell, I was hitting that just 2 hours ago. I also trust her enough to tell me if somebody made her uncomfortable because of hitting on her, especially since she has already done so.

Aggressively defending your 'turf' makes you come off as a jealous psycho and is really not a good look. If you feel that you have to DO something when somebody compliments your gf, you've got a problem. I mean, if I hear stuff like that I just feel really good that this girl that loves me is thought to be wonderful by many other people as well.

Obviously, there is a point where it turns from comfortably complimenting to repeated blatant hitting on, but you are light years away from there.

EDIT: And I don't know everything about your situation of course. Maybe you do have good reason to not trust her. But if so, that's something that you really need to address with her. Communication is the key. If you have a problem, talk about it.

I understand, by putting all my thoughts out like this, it really comes off as me having trust issues really badly. I recognize there are trust issues here, but the forum format might amplify my feelings. I will work on this, we have talked about this and I really don't have any reason to doubt her. I see the problem, how could I go about managing it?

 

[etrain911]

She really isn't manipulative at all. She's a free spirit. She writes beautiful poetry, dances to music just because, and is just generally kind to people. Which is pretty rad. She's very empathetic and she's very compassionate. It's hard to define what sex is to her, she hasn't really told me, and I haven't asked. I don't know if it's just....fun? Maybe? Or if it means something more to her. She talks about it very casually. Actually, we met because I'm president of a club dedicated to BDSM, kink, and polyamory on campus and she's a member (but that's another story). I don't LIKE ignoring her, but I -do- know she spends her nights sleeping in this guy's bed (A mutual friend told me she talked about it. They haven't had sex yet, but she seemed disappointed by that apparently) and I guess I can't help but feel hurt that she kisses me and then goes and does something with someone else immediately after. I'm not angry at the other guy and I'm not going to stoop to taking pot-shots at him, none of this is really on his head and it isn't fair for me to act like it is. My indifference has kind-of been working. At our last club meeting she mentioned wanting to spend time with me over break (our towns are like 4 minutes apart). and she laughed at all of my jokes. She even seemed a little jealous when I mentioned I had a date this Saturday for the movies. (We're seeing Bad Grandpa, it should be kind of awesome). I just don't know what to do. Should I suggest hanging out? Should I tell her how I feel? Should I just wait out the three weeks til break? Everything I've read has told me to just steel my resolve and keep this up until she messages me first or comes to me directly asking for me to hang out, and if it never happens, it never happens, but those books are so douchey. I just don't know. I really appreciate all of your help, by the way. My goal isn't to steal her or anything, she isn't an object, and if she isn't as happy in my company as I am in hers, then I don't know that I want her in my company.

Edit: So, update. I ran into her while I was getting coffee at the library and we stopped and talked. She immediately asked me how my date went and seemed to be kind of jealous. Same thing when I mentioned how I was spending Saturday afternoon at the movies with a female friend. I, in my infinite wisdom, was high at the time (she was aware of this, we laughed about it) and I asked her about the other guy. She got kind of defensive. In an awkward sort of way. I.e. a lot of false enthusiasm which is uncharacteristic of her I think I've figured it out. She has feelings for me, but those feelings are not equal to the ones she has for the other guy, and that's fine. It isn't a contest. But, I don't need to wait around. What I'm going to do is to just go about doing my own thing and if she ever frees herself up, great, and if not, fine. I don't need to wait around for it. I can be spending my time with people who reciprocate how I feel and don't have feelings towards someone else. I don't need to fall into the pitfall of getting hooked on one person.

One more update (and I don't know if it's in poor taste to dredge this up again, so if so, I apologize sincerely): I'm thinking of sitting her down and setting boundaries by explaining why it is I'm going to have a hard time being friends and why it might be best to just go our seperate ways. She comes to me and she seeks my approval on things (Guess who just learned how to play X on piano? What game are you playing? I didn't grow up with cell phone games but I love pokemon, I even have them on VHS, etc.), but I think the strongest thing one can do when dealing with another person is to be able to walk away and mean it while not holding any animosity. So, should I sit her down and express myself? Or is that just me feeling the need to take action for no reason other than the need to take action?

 

[AdventureRacing]

I see now, the way you look at it is it depends on her level of comfort. Let's put a hypothetical up, what if she is comfortable with flirting with other guys? Like, what are your boundaries basically.

It depends how far she goes. Flirting in general is just fun and i think it's understandable to want to still do it when you're in a relationship. Having said that you can go too far with it but it's really difficult to qualify where the line is drawn.

In general i think it's all about having trust. I don't really worry too much about this sort of thing because i trust her not to go any further.

I don't think there is anything wrong with you being a little annoyed. I think it's natural to be a little protective. I'd just be careful with how you approach this sort of thing, you don't want to come across as being too controlling.

I understand, by putting all my thoughts out like this, it really comes off as me having trust issues really badly. I recognize there are trust issues here, but the forum format might amplify my feelings. I will work on this, we have talked about this and I really don't have any reason to doubt her. I see the problem, how could I go about managing it?

Just discuss it with her. If you both know your boundaries and what you're comfortable with it makes it a lot easier not to worry about this sort of thing. That plus ultimately it's wasted energy. If she was going to cheat or go behind your back or whatever would you really want to continue the relationship? Do you want her to be with you because she chooses to be or because she can't find someone else? If i have to actively defend my partner from going outside of our relationship then for me that brings into question if the whole thing is worth it in the first place. I've just learned to not worry so much and i've stopped really being jealous in relationships.

 

[DyTonic]

Never mess with girls who say they meditate, they are nuts..

 

[AdventureRacing]

Never mess with girls who say they meditate, they are nuts..

My gf took me to a meditating session. Can't say i quite got into it but it was a fun experience.

 

[TylerD]

I do some ohm meditation after P90X yoga. Feels amazing but never done anything organized.

 

[Artofwar420]

Just discuss it with her. If you both know your boundaries and what you're comfortable with it makes it a lot easier not to worry about this sort of thing. That plus ultimately it's wasted energy. If she was going to cheat or go behind your back or whatever would you really want to continue the relationship? Do you want her to be with you because she chooses to be or because she can't find someone else? If i have to actively defend my partner from going outside of our relationship then for me that brings into question if the whole thing is worth it in the first place. I've just learned to not worry so much and i've stopped really being jealous in relationships.

I totally agree with your sentiment, I wouldn't be in a relationship where I gotta force somebody to love me. My issues I guess is one of knowing, I'd drop a girl that would cheat in a heartbeat, but I'm worried about someone taking me for an idiot until finding out.

I like the way you think, it seems very healthy. I'll work towards something like that.

 

[Mortimer Brewster]

After we chatted Sunday night and she said she didn't know how she feels about me and that she just doesn't know what to do... I took that as a sign to give her space which was my plan (at least 2 weeks).

I felt a lot better and was able to put my feelings to the side. I went out on a date Tuesday night with another girl and then she messages me first thing Wed at 7:20 I respond a couple of hours later and nothing else really comes of it, both said we are busy.
She was out with her friends Wednesday night and I told her I wanted to take her out other than Thursday. She said, can't busy Thursday.. I knew she was drinking so was done with comm for the night.

Does the same thing Thursday morning. I asked her when would be a good time to go out other than tonight in the afternoon. Got a "?" I said we already established not tonight. No response for 5 hrs then she msged hi again last night around 9:30 after I had already decided to go no contact (but for real this time lol)

I'm starting to think that I am just being strung along too so I am done with it for now. If it isn't just wanting attention the msging first thing in the morning like she was doing was making me think, maybe I am on her mind...

Sent her a msg on OKC last night saying "you know where my feelings are and you say you don't know how you feel or what to do. I cant say anything to help you through this process other than it was scary for me too how fast things started between us, but good scary IMO and I hope you agree." Mentioned how her car breaking down even helped to bring us together that week. Closed in saying if you want to see me again let me know, otherwise, best of luck with everything.

I wouldn't respond to her msgs this week at all if I could do it over.

Been out of the game too long so this was a nice crash course to get going again and I thank you guys for all the help. Really great community here and I am very happy to be a part of it.

You handled that well. You laid everything out there and left the door open. Its now up to her to decide if she wants to go through it. But I'm the meantime just go out and have fun.

 

[TylerD]

You handled that well. You laid everything out there and left the door open. Its now up to her to decide if she wants to go through it. But I'm the meantime just go out and have fun.

Yep! So far, super confident TylerD is batting 100 on OKC. Going to keep working out and staying busy and trying to date and follow the sure to be mess of a 2 console launch in the coming weeks

ugh and watch Stargate SG1... thanks zombie Alice!

 

[DyTonic]

My gf took me to a meditating session. Can't say i quite got into it but it was a fun experience.

I just had a bad experience where she was hiding the fact she was suffering from mental illness and was abused etc.. I found her blog and haven't returned any of her calls.

 

[Mortimer Brewster]

Yep! So far, super confident TylerD is batting 100 on OKC. Going to keep working out and staying busy and trying to date and follow the sure to be mess of a 2 console launch in the coming weeks

Thats the style. I'm doing the same, I got a date tonight and the next two weeks with the console launches will keep my mind off B.

 

[hydrophilic attack]

So Tyler, maybe you shouldn't listen to me, because I'm obviously not experienced at all, but maybe it would be useful with an outside perspective on your situation. I remember getting this hunch when I read your posts from a week or so ago, so I went through them again.

Update on meeting her friends and what comes next and some needed advice (hooray complication)

We met up at a bit of a dive bar and I hit it off with them really well. After having some drinks I followed her home on her request to eat dinner that we picked up along the way and watch a movie (The Devil's Rejects, she loves horror films). She passes out and I finish the movie and then watch Risky Business then go in to crash with her. We had crashed together (no sex) 2 other times so far.


Here is how the week played out:
Sunday, first date - met at a busy Starbucks, got coffee went back to her appartment, ate homemade chili that she talked up before and talked for 5-6 hrs. She messaged me after I got home, and we msgd until 2:30 am. She said that she told me some stuff that she doesn't normally say and I replied that her honesty and openness was refreshing.

Monday, she messages me at 8:30 in the morning, says she is free after 5 and we should so something and she had a very good time talking. We message back and forth and I end up taking over stuff to make dinner at her place. We cook, eat, have some wine, watch classic Disney and both start to get tired. That is when I say I should probably be going and she said that I could crash with her if I wanted. I did, just a bunch of cuddling and talking.

Tuesday, she msgs in the morning saying thanks for coming over last night. She initiated a lot of this messaging. We msg throughout the work day and asks when do I want to hang out again. I said anytime. She goes out with friends and then msgs me when she gets back. She says that she likes me but I need to meet her friends.

Wednesday, She msgs in the morning and says that she wants to see me again before Friday. I talk her in to seeing Gravity that night which she did not have high expectations for but ended up absolutely loving it. I dropped her off without a kiss, due to the msg about being nervous making wet contact with me (she said this never happens) earlier in the day. On my way home she says that she is kind of sad there wasn't a kiss... I promised to make that up.

Thursday, general msging, no plans to hang out until her car battery dies and she contacts me... I end up helping her diagnose the issue, meeting her at a shop incase they cant get it in before they close. We go eat dinner and she invites me to come hang out again... We watched house of 1000 corpses and then we crash together again. No kissing because she developed some canker sores as a side effect of her ulceritive colitis.

So I made dinner for the girl last night. It ended up being at her place so she could work on her zombie Alice costume. She msged the night before and said she wanted to eat and watch a movie with me so that was the best option for that. Dinner was a big hit and we watched Scream, Rocky Horror Picture Show, and Plan 9 From Outer Space.

We kept catching ourselves just looking at one another while she was working on her costume and walking in and out of the room. She would say "What?" I would just smile and say "Nothing." Then I would say "What are you looking at?" She would smile and say "I don't know."

She cozied up on the couch next to me and fell asleep during the last movie. I gave her a big hug and kiss before I left for the night and it was a very subtle gesture but the way she very gently rubbed my back after the kiss made me feel really good. Still taking things slowly but it was really good to see her and reminded me that yes, I totally dig this girl.

I want to get more physical but want to keep her comfortable as well. I am going to be a little more aggressive next time we are together, I think she will be OK with that. Given the situation I thought just a goodnight kiss was appropriate.

In light of the bolded stuff, are you sure that you have really been moving too fast? Fast in that you have been meeting very often in a short amount of time, sure, but fast in what you have been doing when meeting up? The way I read your posts it seems like she has given you a lot of signals that she wants to get more intimate (as in she wants to taste the Tyler D if you know what I mean) and you haven't responded in the way she hoped for. If I'm right and she feels that she has given you a lot of signals that you haven't responded to, that could have made her feel really bad about herself ("is there something wrong with me, or why isn't he making a move?") Maybe her current behaviour is just her trying to get you back for that? My suggestion is that if you get another chance with her, you should try and be a lot more aggressive and see how she responds.

Of course, I wasn't there so I don't know how it all went down, but I'm just trying to provide a different perspective.

 

[Valus]

So Tyler, maybe you shouldn't listen to me, because I'm obviously not experienced at all, but maybe it would be useful with an outside perspective on your situation. I remember getting this hunch when I read your posts from a week or so ago, so I went through them again.





In light of the bolded stuff, are you sure that you have really been moving too fast? Fast in that you have been meeting very often in a short amount of time, sure, but fast in what you have been doing when meeting up? The way I read your posts it seems like she has given you a lot of signals that she wants to get more intimate (as in she wants to taste the Tyler D if you know what I mean) and you haven't responded in the way she hoped for. If I'm right and she feels that she has given you a lot of signals that you haven't responded to, that could have made her feel really bad about herself ("is there something wrong with me, or why isn't he making a move?") Maybe her current behaviour is just her trying to get you back for that? My suggestion is that if you get another chance with her, you should try and be a lot more aggressive and see how she responds.

Of course, I wasn't there so I don't know how it all went down, but I'm just trying to provide a different perspective.

Eh, I'm not so sure about that. And even if it's true, then she's immature as all hell and isn't worth Tyler's time. He's a busy man, ain't got time for stupid ass games. But I do agree with your last bit. As we've said before Tyler, you're being very reactionary with this chick, you're basically letting her call all the shots and will respond as such.

Do you care to be her friend? If not, then next time you get a chance, just be assertive and tell her you want her (assuming you still do). She sounds wishy washy and if she pushes you away then you'll once again have a good grasp of the situation and be able to move on.

Edit: Btw, what happened with that cute Asian chick?

 

[TylerD]

So Tyler, maybe you shouldn't listen to me, because I'm obviously not experienced at all, but maybe it would be useful with an outside perspective on your situation. I remember getting this hunch when I read your posts from a week or so ago, so I went through them again.

In light of the bolded stuff, are you sure that you have really been moving too fast? Fast in that you have been meeting very often in a short amount of time, sure, but fast in what you have been doing when meeting up? The way I read your posts it seems like she has given you a lot of signals that she wants to get more intimate (as in she wants to taste the Tyler D if you know what I mean) and you haven't responded in the way she hoped for. If I'm right and she feels that she has given you a lot of signals that you haven't responded to, that could have made her feel really bad about herself ("is there something wrong with me, or why isn't he making a move?") Maybe her current behaviour is just her trying to get you back for that? My suggestion is that if you get another chance with her, you should try and be a lot more aggressive and see how she responds.

Of course, I wasn't there so I don't know how it all went down, but I'm just trying to provide a different perspective.

Alright, so she said that she wanted to take things slow physically as well. I actually told her last Sunday night that I wanted to kiss her alot more than just a goodnight kiss on our last date and she said she didn't want a kiss and that it could be a date without a kiss goodnight. She also previously said, kissing can be very powerful and that kissing me made her nervous in a good way. She said she had not been nervous making wet contact like she was with me before.

She also mentioned that it can be hard for her to show affection and that she can tend to put up a wall.

 

[AdventureRacing]

My issues I guess is one of knowing, I'd drop a girl that would cheat in a heartbeat, but I'm worried about someone taking me for an idiot until finding out.

Definitely, i made it clear with my partner from the start that infidelity is a straight up deal breaker for me. I definitely understand where you're coming from, i used to worry about that a lot.

I just had a bad experience where she was hiding the fact she was suffering from mental illness and was abused etc.. I found her blog and haven't returned any of her calls.

My partner was abused and is suffering from mental illness, it can be a difficult thing to open up about. I can see how hiding something like that might put you off though.

 

[hydrophilic attack]

Alright, so she said that she wanted to take things slow physically as well. I actually told her last Sunday night that I wanted to kiss her alot more than just a goodnight kiss on our last date and she said she didn't want a kiss and that it could be a date without a kiss goodnight. She also previously said, kissing can be very powerful and that kissing me made her nervous in a good way. She said she had not been nervous making wet contact like she was with me before.

She also mentioned that it can be hard for her to show affection and that she can tend to put up a wall.

Yeah, you should know much better than me what is going on with this girl.

Still, it could be worthwhile to keep my uninitiated perspective at the back of your head for the next time you meet up, and be on the lookout for her giving you signs that you should be more aggressive.

Edit: This is something I found when I googled a bit to find some perspective on my own shitty, but hopefully improving situation that I posted about two pages back: Read the story. It could be relevant to your situation. I know you're not a virgin, but the part about how the situation made her feel could apply if my interpretation is right and she felt that you didn't act on signals that she thought were obvious.

Also, I got similar sentiments from some female friends who have been falling over themselves to provide advice on how I should proceed with the girl I have been dating. But these friends are in the 25-30 yo age bracket, so it may not apply if your girl is younger or not very experienced.

 

[Dr Duncan Steel]

I know I shouldn't give a fuck, but seeing the girl you tried asking out getting hit on can be a little disheartening :/

 

[TylerD]

As we've said before Tyler, you're being very reactionary with this chick, you're basically letting her call all the shots and will respond as such.

Do you care to be her friend? If not, then next time you get a chance, just be assertive and tell her you want her (assuming you still do). She sounds wishy washy and if she pushes you away then you'll once again have a good grasp of the situation and be able to move on.

Edit: Btw, what happened with that cute Asian chick?

I can't be friends with her and want her REALLY bad. If there is next time, I will tell her to her face that I want her. If I didn't think it would scare her off I would text her and say I want you (that I wake up in the middle of the night thinking about how bad I want her).

I am very sexually\emotionally attracted to her. Being in a relationship and having sex with her is very high on my list of things that would be awesome.

Date with Asian chick went well but I didn't feel anything and she seems to be consumed by her marketing PHD work which won't be done for another 2.5 years. Probably won't see her again.

 

[Valus]

I can't be friends with her and want her REALLY bad. If there is next time, I will tell her to her face that I want her. If I didn't think it would scare her off I would text her and say I want you (that I wake up in the middle of the night thinking about how bad I want her).

I am very sexually\emotionally attracted to her. Being in a relationship and having sex with her is very high on my list of things that would be awesome.

Date with Asian chick went well but I didn't feel anything and she seems to be consumed by her marketing PHD work which won't be done for another 2.5 years. Probably won't see her again.

Good! You have the drive man, it's time for her to get off the fence. It's been too long. You know what you want and by pushing her to make a decision (instead of waiting for her to make one) you are doing yourself a favor. Make it happen bro.