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Dating-Age |OT4| Realise You're Living in the Golden Years

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Man, this year's been both good an bad for me. Good because I finally got back into the dating scene and have been on dates with 3 different women this year (multiple dates with two of them) and had a hook-up with a friend of a friend a month back.

Bad because none of them have lead to anything. I thought this most recent girl I was going on dates with was going to actually work out, but she doesn't seem to be feeling it as much as I am. I just don't know what to do. It's crazy to me that my friends all have wives or steady girlfriends, yet I can't seem to land anything. It kind of drives me insane, because I am trying. I've changed myself entirely, gotten back in shape, dressing nicer, being outgoing and going on dates, yet while my friends go through multiple girlfriends I can't snag one.

Ah, well, such is life. At the very least I can call it a good dating year, I'm just ready for something steady to come along...
 
This post sums up what I find horrendously wrong with modern day society, and the "dating" culture as a whole.

The guy has questions. There is no need for him to just "bang" this girl to figure anything out. It's a communication exercise, both internal and external. Whatever happened to just talking about things, rather than screwing something until they hopefully make more sense!?

Equally, if the question "...Do I think she's the kind of woman I would be faithful to...?" passes through anyone's mind, then they should not be in a relationship, with anyone, until they grow the hell up.

The emotional ramifications and potential damage to both parties, through this frivolous "banging" are much more dangerous than simply talking to someone to try and figure things out.

Your post is what I find horrendously wrong with America's school system. No reading comprehension. Did you read my entire comment? You're essentially saying what I said. Care to re-read again?

Every woman you meet is just a potential "bang." As in, every woman you have little to no personal/emotional attraction with (essentially, every attractive woman you DON'T KNOW) is someone who you would potentially just have sex with. Dating, and getting to know that person, is of course how you establish emotional connection (if there's any).

(Unless you're the kind of guy who would accept going on a date with a woman you find unattractive, in the hopes that "talking and figuring things out" will have you falling head over heels to her personality alone.)

Those who you have a personal connection with, are those you see sharing things with and being faithful to. That's what a relationship is, sharing things with this other human being; that being your interests, hopes, dreams, thoughts, body, etc. Having just a couple of things in common is incredibly premature and shallow, and letting your mind think that that's a good assessment of relationship material even more so. A relationship forms after you've had an interpersonal interaction. After, is the key word here.

Unless your A) intentions are clear to yourself and B) you get to know that person emotionally, you should not let your mind trick you into thinking she's relationship material until you get to know her. That's what I said.

To be totally honest, her looks really don't matter. I mean, she's pretty but I don't have the mentality of "holy crap, she's so ridiculously hot, I want to get in her pants ASAP! How can I make this happen?!" Attempting to bang is the furthest thing in my mind right now. I feel we have a connection just by what we've talked about in class over the semester, we're comfortable talking to one another, and I'd like to learn more. That's pretty much it.


No, you don't understand. It's not about actively thinking you want to have sex with her. What do YOU want out of a potential relationship? If you've gauged who she is so far, and you've found little compatibility, what are your hopes that asking her out will change anything? Because I think the word relationship is so overused, and its meaning has been so undermined over the years. You share things with this person, on a daily basis. Aspirations, hopes, feelings, PROBLEMS. I'm just trying to figure out what is it that you want with this girl, because joking around in class, and both having iPhone 4s is not exactly relationship material.

Problems arise when guys fail to label the level of commitment they're willing to put into a relationship, mostly because they never know what they're getting themselves into. My earlier comment, which to due to its length my have convoluted my point, is, if you know some about this girl and didn't find much initial compatibility, do not let you mind trick you that if you do ask her out, she might not think you're the guy she'd go with. Essentially, just think that you want to be with this girl, and don't think about what comes after. If emotional connection, beyond that of what you've already talked about, arises, THEN you start thinking about considering her for relationship material. But you'll never know this if you don't ask her out. That was my point, essentially: ask her out, have an open mind, but don't think of her as relationship material just YET, those decisions are made sometimes date after date.
 
No, you don't understand. It's not about actively thinking you wan't to have sex with her. What do YOU want out of a potential relationship? If you've gauged who she is so far, and you've found little compatibility, what are your hopes that asking her out will change anything? Because I think the word relationship is so overused, and its meaning has been so undermined over the years. You share things with this person, on a daily basis. Aspirations, hopes, feelings, PROBLEMS. I'm just trying to figure out what is it that you want with this girl, because joking around in class, and both having iPhone 4s is not exactly relationship material.

Problems arise when guys fail to label the level of commitment they're willing to put into a relationship, mostly because they never know what they're getting themselves into. My earlier comment, which to due to is length my have convoluted my point is, if you know some about this girl and didn't find much initial compatibility, do not let you mind think that if you do ask her out, she might not you think you're the guy she'd go with. Essentially, just think that you want to be with this girl, and don't think about what comes after. If emotional connection, beyond that of what you've already talked about, arises, THEN you start thinking about considering her for relationship material. But you'll never know this if you don't ask her out. That was my point, essentially: ask her out, have an open mind, but don't think of her as relationship material just YET, those decisions are made sometimes date after date.

Ah, I think I see what you're saying now.

Me thinking those little "connections" aren't really connections at all and not something to base anything off of. They're just extremely tiny, random things we've got in common, which are nothing in the grand scheme of things. I've already prejudged her as the complete opposite of me just by what I've seen/heard/talked about in class every week, which isn't smart. I should just ask her out, go into it like I know nothing about her, and get to know her in a one-on-one situation and, if we connect, see what happens.
 
Ah, I think I see what you're saying now.

Me thinking those little "connections" aren't really connections at all and not something to base anything off of. They're just extremely tiny, random things we've got in common, which are nothing in the grand scheme of things. I've already prejudged her as the complete opposite of me just by what I've seen/heard/talked about in class every week, which isn't smart. I should just ask her out, go into it like I know nothing about her, and get to know her in a one-on-one situation and, if we connect, see what happens.

Indeed.

What you know is not enough. You must establish a bigger connection. Who knows, maybe if you get close enough, she'll turn out to be someone different (hopefully to your advantage).

Even if not, like they say opposites do attract. Sometimes, having things is common is not all of it. Sometimes you just enjoy her how she is, and how her being different from you makes you. But you've got to ask her out, do not let your mind trick you into thinking this won't work, otherwise you'll never know.
 
Its hard to tell what a girl is really like initially. I met one girl and acted much more mature and deep than I usually might since I thought she was less shallow and more complex. I assumed so based on some exchanges we had prior to meeting.

After we met I came to the conclusion that she was/is the most shallow girl I've ever met. And I don't mean this in a way which condescends her, because its her right to be shallow if she wants. All I'm saying is that I completely skewered my perception of her based on minor exchanges which really didn't amount to much.

She may have been slightly older, established, and allegedly serious, but at the end of the day she was almost the opposite of what I thought she was. Basically, its never good to make connections with women based on things in common and such. You can have many things in common, as she and I did, and still be very incompatible.

So yeah, I echo what level_eleven is saying. Ask her out, take all the complex thoughts out of it. Make a move and see what happens.
 
Indeed.

What you know is not enough. You must establish a bigger connection. Who knows, maybe if you get close enough, she'll turn out to be someone different (hopefully to your advantage).

Even if not, like they say opposites do attract. Sometimes, having things is common is not all of it. Sometimes you just enjoy her how she is, and how her being different from you makes you. But you've got to ask her out, do not let your mind trick you into thinking this won't work, otherwise you'll never know.

Its hard to tell what a girl is really like initially. I met one girl and acted much more mature and deep than I usually might since I thought she was less shallow and more complex. I assumed so based on some exchanges we had prior to meeting.

After we met I came to the conclusion that she was/is the most shallow girl I've ever met. And I don't mean this in a way which condescends her, because its her right to be shallow if she wants. All I'm saying is that I completely skewered my perception of her based on minor exchanges which really didn't amount to much.

She may have been slightly older, established, and allegedly serious, but at the end of the day she was almost the opposite of what I thought she was. Basically, its never good to make connections with women based on things in common and such. You can have many things in common, as she and I did, and still be very incompatible.

So yeah, I echo what level_eleven is saying. Ask her out, take all the complex thoughts out of it. Make a move and see what happens.

Thanks for the advice, guys. I really appreciate it. I'm gonna go for it and see what happens.
 
There's this girl in my writing class who has looked at me a lot over the semester. I never thought she was that interested in me (maybe that's how oblivious I am) but today she was outright staring at me and smiling a lot. Maybe I'm just in disbelief that a really cute girl would be interested in me. I really think I should go for it but I don't know how to ask her.

Any help is greatly appreciated.
 
There's this girl in my writing class who has looked at me a lot over the semester. I never thought she was that interested in me (maybe that's how oblivious I am) but today she was outright staring at me and smiling a lot. Maybe I'm just in disbelief that a really cute girl would be interested in me. I really think I should go for it but I don't know how to ask her.

Any help is greatly appreciated.

Here you go. This diagram should explain it.
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There's this girl in my writing class who has looked at me a lot over the semester. I never thought she was that interested in me (maybe that's how oblivious I am) but today she was outright staring at me and smiling a lot. Maybe I'm just in disbelief that a really cute girl would be interested in me. I really think I should go for it but I don't know how to ask her.

Any help is greatly appreciated.

I would suggest introducing yourself to her and asking her if she would like to get together to proofread or go over class notes/assignments. This way you are able to engage and get to know her a bit. As well as see if she is indeed interested in you.

If the get together works out, ask her for her number and go from there. But it starts with you introducing yourself. So make sure to do that the next time you have the class.
 
There's this girl in my writing class who has looked at me a lot over the semester. I never thought she was that interested in me (maybe that's how oblivious I am) but today she was outright staring at me and smiling a lot. Maybe I'm just in disbelief that a really cute girl would be interested in me. I really think I should go for it but I don't know how to ask her.

Any help is greatly appreciated.
zeemumu's post was brilliant :) Stop being mr serious business for starters, stop being a pussy, OF COURSE hot girls like you, why wouldn't they?! Read the OP, I wrote it for a reason, watch the videos, learn some lessons and be the man. Just go talk to her for christ's sakes :) Start with Hi, that's usually a good idea. I'm not gonna wish you good luck, you don't need that crap. I say good luck to the girl, she's gonna have to work hard to win you over :)
 
I was a bit discouraged earlier today, but now I've taken a fuck it mentality and found a drive to better myself.

I took a girl out Thursday night, it was a fun date. Mini golf, she wanted to hang out more after, so we ate some burgers, during dinner she said she still wanted to go do something, so we walked around campus for an hour then sat on a bench and chatted for two hours and had a good time. After six hours of a (in my eyes, at least) a great date, I drop her off, she says thanks for the fun date and that we should hang again sometime during the following week. I agree and leave to go home.

Then the girl goes radio silent all weekend. I text her on Saturday, no reply. Called her this afternoon to try to set something up for during the week, and no call back or follow up text. I'm fairly sure she wasn't busy today, because she told me on the date that she has four day weekends, does nothing on her days off, and usually just reads or plays her xbox. Prior to our date, she picked up both of the phone calls I gave her and texted me back every time.

Just kind of shitty that she would say one thing, and then do another. I guess she could contact me sometime this week, but at this point I'm thinking she's gone and chalking this one up to a loss. I'm not sure if I pursued too much, and made myself seem too available. Been hitting the pool and swimming laps hard this weekend, and I've finally got the drive to sign up for an EMT class I've been meaning to do for a long time. If she's gonna bail, fuck it, I'll make myself better and find another girl to have the chance to enjoy spending some time with me. I would love for her to call me back, but oh well. On to the next one.
 
No big deal, at least you did go on the date. Nothing to blame yourself over, you would be disappointed with yourself if you had done nothing.
 
There's this girl in my writing class who has looked at me a lot over the semester. I never thought she was that interested in me (maybe that's how oblivious I am) but today she was outright staring at me and smiling a lot. Maybe I'm just in disbelief that a really cute girl would be interested in me. I really think I should go for it but I don't know how to ask her.

Any help is greatly appreciated.
not being sarcastic bro

1.a) If she sits closer to the door than you, pack your shit just a smidgen before class ends.

1.b) If you sit closer to the door than her, take a little bit extra time to load your backpack

2.) Time it so you both hit the door at the same time

3.) "Hi!" =)
 
Man, at this rate... I am going to be reaching back out to zombie Alice in a couple of weeks... There are very few girls that are physically attractive to me on OKCupid and POF in a 75 mile radius. lol

Need to figure out the best way to reconnect and what to say. Probably just trying to get to a coffee date aka starting over and then going from there.
 
Anyone ever get chest pain following a break or break up? It's hard for me to sleep and it feels like there's a dull thud constricting my chest right now. Been going on for a few days now..
 
Anyone ever get chest pain following a break or break up? It's hard for me to sleep and it feels like there's a dull thud constricting my chest right now. Been going on for a few days now..

I only had one girl break up on me and I think I know what you are talking about. Like there is a weight on your heart/chest?
 
I only had one girl break up on me and I think I know what you are talking about. Like there is a weight on your heart/chest?
Yes. Constant weight. I went out with friends last night, and I was fine then, but right when I came back home it comes back. It's hard for me to think about anything else but that when I'm alone…
 
Yes. Constant weight. I went out with friends last night, and I was fine then, but right when I came back home it comes back. It's hard for me to think about anything else but that when I'm alone…

It's only natural. How long has it been since you broke up?

I can promise you it passes. Well, I'm sure of it at least. I have it too at the moment :)

Did she break up with you because of something you did? Or do you feel responsible for the break up?
 
It's only natural. How long has it been since you broke up?

I can promise you it passes. Well, I'm sure of it at least. I have it too at the moment :)

Did she break up with you because of something you did? Or do you feel responsible for the break up?
We're actually not broken up yet. Just on a "break." And I'm the one who suggested the break, but now it seems like she really likes it and is doing just fine without me. Sometimes I try and reach out and she's like "I just need this space right now." So I'm feeling rejection, despite the fact that I was the one who initiated it. :|
 
She's probably either hurting as much as you or it's over unfortunately. Has "needed space" like ever worked?

A friend of mine is sort of on a break as well from her boyfriend of two years. She's 22 I believe and have never been living on her own and their apartment is getting too crowded according to her, they're too close and too much nagging etc, the usual stuff. They still live together today but she has decided that she "needs space", like literally, so she's moving to her first very own apartment alone early next year. She's been dropping hints to me an awful lot but keeps reaffirming that their relationship isn't over. Yet she has told me that they're not having sex anymore and have grown too close etc. She's moving out! How is that not a signal that things are falling apart? It feels like she's delusional, right? More often than not, it seems like breaks are just the starting point of the real break up or the actual break up wrapped in nicer words.
 
We're actually not broken up yet. Just on a "break." And I'm the one who suggested the break, but now it seems like she really likes it and is doing just fine without me. Sometimes I try and reach out and she's like "I just need this space right now." So I'm feeling rejection, despite the fact that I was the one who initiated it. :|

How long have you guys been "on break"? And why did you ask for this?
 
We're actually not broken up yet. Just on a "break." And I'm the one who suggested the break, but now it seems like she really likes it and is doing just fine without me. Sometimes I try and reach out and she's like "I just need this space right now." So I'm feeling rejection, despite the fact that I was the one who initiated it. :|

Ouch man. That sounds harsh...

But don't lose hope just yet.
 
She's probably either hurting as much as you or it's over unfortunately. Has "needed space" like ever worked?

A friend of mine is sort of on a break as well from her boyfriend of two years. She's 22 I believe and have never been living on her own and their apartment is getting too crowded according to her, they're too close and too much nagging etc, the usual stuff. They still live together today but she has decided that she "needs space", like literally, so she's moving to her first very own apartment alone early next year. She's been dropping hints to me an awful lot but keeps reaffirming that their relationship isn't over. Yet she has told me that they're not having sex anymore and have grown too close etc. She's moving out! How is that not a signal that things are falling apart? It feels like she's delusional, right? More often than not, it seems like breaks are just the starting point of the real break up or the actual break up wrapped in nicer words.
Damn. :( I'm sensing it's close to the end too, but I can also tell it's not completely there yet. She admits that even though this newfound space has been really good for her, it's also hard not having me anymore.

How long have you guys been "on break"? And why did you ask for this?
A week. I asked because she admitted that she's not over her previous relationship, even though she said she doesn't see anything happening with him again. To be fair, she jumped straight from that toxic relationship to ours in a matter of a few weeks. So she never got her own personal time. But then again, our relationship has been mostly good.

Ouch man. That sounds harsh...

But don't lose hope just yet.
Trying not to. :( I asked for a time frame, she said to give her one more week.
 
Damn. :( I'm sensing it's close to the end too, but I can also tell it's not completely there yet. She admits that even though this newfound space has been really good for her, it's also hard not having me anymore.


A week. I asked because she admitted that she's not over her previous relationship, even though she said she doesn't see anything happening with him again. To be fair, she jumped straight from that toxic relationship to ours in a matter of a few weeks. So she never got her own personal time. But then again, our relationship has been mostly good.


Trying not to. :(

Starting a new relationship while the previous one still lingers is never a good idea. I understand why you did it though.

In my very humble opinion, you can do two things ATM:

- You can just ask her directly. You'll know right away, but you'll be putting her on the spot and under pressure. And we both know those are not good circumstances to make decisions in.

- You can wait it out until she makes a decision. This is the hard way, but also the way of the gentleman. You're suffering but this way you'll show you respect her. She'll make a decision on her own terms and it's up to you to accept the consequences as a man. If she chooses you, you'll never be happier because you know she did so on her own. If she doesn't you'll also be sure that it was never meant to be.
 
Starting a new relationship while the previous one still lingers is never a good idea. I understand why you did it though.

In my very humble opinion, you can do two things ATM:

- You can just ask her directly. You'll know right away, but you'll be putting her on the spot and under pressure. And we both know those are not good circumstances to make decisions in.

- You can wait it out until she makes a decision. This is the hard way, but also the way of the gentleman. You're suffering but this way you'll show you respect her. She'll make a decision on her own terms and it's up to you to accept the consequences as a man. If she chooses you, you'll never be happier because you know she did so on her own. If she doesn't you'll also be sure that it was never meant to be.
Definitely going with the second one. And I get that's what she wants to do as well, even though it's hurting both of us. (Me much more than her though.) I think this past week has been really hard for me though because I took some time off from work and have had a four day vacation of just sitting home alone and moping. I really can't wait to get back to work tomorrow.

You're a cool cat, Deepack. Very good advice that gives me perspective.
 
Definitely going with the second one. And I get that's what she wants to do as well, even though it's hurting both of us. (Me much more than her though.) I think this past week has been really hard for me though because I took some time off from work and have had a four day vacation of just sitting home alone and moping. I really can't wait to get back to work tomorrow.

You're a cool cat, Deepack. Very good advice that gives me perspective.

Yeah, being at home with not much to do is not a positive thing when you've got things like that on your mind.

And thanks, man! Really appreciate that! I'm just trying to give advice based on integrity and my own experiences.

I'm curious to see how things will turn out and I'm rooting for you!
 
Anyone ever get chest pain following a break or break up? It's hard for me to sleep and it feels like there's a dull thud constricting my chest right now. Been going on for a few days now..

I'm having that feeling whenever I'm not busy doing something. Even when I am busy, I still think of B. Despite trying to leave the door open, Im pretty sure I will never hear from her again.
 
Yeah, being at home with not much to do is not a positive thing when you've got things like that on your mind.

And thanks, man! Really appreciate that! I'm just trying to give advice based on integrity and my own experiences.

I'm curious to see how things will turn out and I'm rooting for you!
Thanks man. Hope you get over your heart/chest pain as well. Glad we all have each other for support.

I'm having that feeling whenever I'm not busy doing something. Even when I am busy, I still think of B. Despite trying to leave the door open, Im pretty sure I will never hear from her again.
:( Sorry man. It's really tough.
 
Ok gaf, this is one game I have no idea how to play, and have problems picking up on no matter how many times I play it.

The girl I mentioned above earlier that went dark just texted me half an hour ago. She said "Hey! I'm sorry I didn't call you back. Things have been so busy for the last couple of days. What's up?"

-____-

I think this girl is really, really cool and super cute, but damn. I don't want to respond to her so she gets the impression she can ignore me for days and then get rewarded for it, at the same time, I hate playing games and if I want to talk to somebody, I'm going to do it.

What's the proper way to go about this? She's had me chase her and think about her for five days now with no reply, and just when I write her off and start talking to another girl she pops back up. Do I actually have to play along in this case and wait a day to respond? Do I address the silence and say it's not cool? Play forgiving, tell her no worries, and talk like normal?

Guide me, dating age.
 
So, I was hanging out with my friend today (the one that I had feelings for and have been trying to ignore the feelings and be okay with being friends with), and I realized that I don't feel the feelings anymore. I pretty much just see her as a friend now. No more being depressed about her not having the same feelings for me, and no more feeling like I have to try to impress her enough for her to want to go out with me every time we hang out. On top of that, I didn't have to cut ties with her to realize that, so we're still friends. I did it. I'm finally free of the friendzone feels.
ibih7oeb3afmap.gif
 
Can't believe I'm posting this but meh whatever...

So there's this girl I like...she wrote this message to me:

"The job is horrible, I have to wake up at 5, work more than 11 hours a day and I get a very bad pay, less than $6 an hour "

I don't know how to reply to that. Was thinking of replying back

"You should be my slave instead... You can be wake up anytime you want, work less than 11 hours and I'll even pay you 50 cents more"

Thought I would make fun of her crap job but I don't know...might make me look like a jerk. Am I thinking too much? Should I just ignore this message?
 
Anyone ever get chest pain following a break or break up? It's hard for me to sleep and it feels like there's a dull thud constricting my chest right now. Been going on for a few days now..
Yeah, no appetite, can't sleep, etc. It's just going to take time. Breakups or breaks trigger the same responses in your body as a death.
 
Ok gaf, this is one game I have no idea how to play, and have problems picking up on no matter how many times I play it.

The girl I mentioned above earlier that went dark just texted me half an hour ago. She said "Hey! I'm sorry I didn't call you back. Things have been so busy for the last couple of days. What's up?"

-____-

I think this girl is really, really cool and super cute, but damn. I don't want to respond to her so she gets the impression she can ignore me for days and then get rewarded for it, at the same time, I hate playing games and if I want to talk to somebody, I'm going to do it.

What's the proper way to go about this? She's had me chase her and think about her for five days now with no reply, and just when I write her off and start talking to another girl she pops back up. Do I actually have to play along in this case and wait a day to respond? Do I address the silence and say it's not cool? Play forgiving, tell her no worries, and talk like normal?

Guide me, dating age.

I don't know if I have any specific advice but I know the thoughts that are popping into my head.

I personally have an extreme dislike for this shit. People can obviously be busy, but there is a 0% chance that she was so busy that she couldn't just fire off a message back to you so that you would know what was going on. I've been in this situation of waiting and I just got sick of it and stopped bothering with her.

Generally speaking, if someone is legitimately interested in you why wouldn't they want to talk to you? It doesn't make any sense unless there are some extreme circumstances. All I interpret from these situations is whoever the person is that's doing the slow replying isn't really particularly interested yet, but still wants to keep the other person around just in case.

I know that you feel like you're giving in or whatever if you respond but I feel very strongly about this. If you're having to 'play games' or get the feeling that that's what they're doing to you, just bail out. I don't have time for that shit, I'm not in high school. Both parties in the [potential] relationship need to be real or just drop it.

So my advice is: Respond to her if that's what you want to do. Don't play games. If she continues to drop off the face of the earth, then you're seeing what's really up and you can make a decision when you personally feel like you've had enough.
 
Can't believe I'm posting this but meh whatever...

So there's this girl I like...she wrote this message to me:

"The job is horrible, I have to wake up at 5, work more than 11 hours a day and I get a very bad pay, less than $6 an hour "

I don't know how to reply to that. Was thinking of replying back

"You should be my slave instead... You can be wake up anytime you want, work less than 11 hours and I'll even pay you 50 cents more"

Thought I would make fun of her crap job but I don't know...might make me look like a jerk. Am I thinking too much? Should I just ignore this message?

Whats the context of this? Did you send her first? Did you ask about her job?

How well do you know her? The slave thing might be a little creepy if you barely know her or she barely knows your sense of humor ;p
 
Ok gaf, this is one game I have no idea how to play, and have problems picking up on no matter how many times I play it.

The girl I mentioned above earlier that went dark just texted me half an hour ago. She said "Hey! I'm sorry I didn't call you back. Things have been so busy for the last couple of days. What's up?"

-____-

I think this girl is really, really cool and super cute, but damn. I don't want to respond to her so she gets the impression she can ignore me for days and then get rewarded for it, at the same time, I hate playing games and if I want to talk to somebody, I'm going to do it.

What's the proper way to go about this? She's had me chase her and think about her for five days now with no reply, and just when I write her off and start talking to another girl she pops back up. Do I actually have to play along in this case and wait a day to respond? Do I address the silence and say it's not cool? Play forgiving, tell her no worries, and talk like normal?

Guide me, dating age.

How close are you? Are you dating? How long have you been seeing each other? This is important in determining how you should respond. If you've only gone out once or twice, then I'd say cut her some slack, say not to worry about it and ask when you can see her again.

On the other hand, if you're in a relationship, it isn't cool to stay out of communication for too long without an explanation. I'd expect more than that. My girl and I text a couple of times a day at least and if we know we're not going to be in contact with one another, we know the reason why. My point is, expectations should be set appropriately for the depth of the relationship that you're in.
 
I'm having that feeling whenever I'm not busy doing something. Even when I am busy, I still think of B. Despite trying to leave the door open, Im pretty sure I will never hear from her again.

Yep, it's how I felt (every once in a while, still feel) about that guy I wanted to be friends with.

And I will never hear from him again and that's my fault but it is what it is. Oh well!
 
Can't believe I'm posting this but meh whatever...

So there's this girl I like...she wrote this message to me:

"The job is horrible, I have to wake up at 5, work more than 11 hours a day and I get a very bad pay, less than $6 an hour "

I don't know how to reply to that. Was thinking of replying back

"You should be my slave instead... You can be wake up anytime you want, work less than 11 hours and I'll even pay you 50 cents more"

Thought I would make fun of her crap job but I don't know...might make me look like a jerk. Am I thinking too much? Should I just ignore this message?

You're making fun of a shitty situation. If you thought about it, its because you think she will take it as a joke.

Heck, I sent earlier a long ass text with a marriage proposal because of today's date (11/12/13) to a friend and got back the expected response ("what the hey lol"). Yes, the misspelling was in the answer lol.
 
Yeah, no appetite, can't sleep, etc. It's just going to take time. Breakups or breaks trigger the same responses in your body as a death.
Exactly! Totally forgot about the no appetite thing as well. Usually I wake up and I'm starving. But lately, even though I know i'm hungry, my brain doesn't even care.

So, I was hanging out with my friend today (the one that I had feelings for and have been trying to ignore the feelings and be okay with being friends with), and I realized that I don't feel the feelings anymore. I pretty much just see her as a friend now. No more being depressed about her not having the same feelings for me, and no more feeling like I have to try to impress her enough for her to want to go out with me every time we hang out. On top of that, I didn't have to cut ties with her to realize that, so we're still friends. I did it. I'm finally free of the friendzone feels.
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Nice, congrats dude!
 
I don't know if I have any specific advice but I know the thoughts that are popping into my head.

I personally have an extreme dislike for this shit. People can obviously be busy, but there is a 0% chance that she was so busy that she couldn't just fire off a message back to you so that you would know what was going on. I've been in this situation of waiting and I just got sick of it and stopped bothering with her.

Generally speaking, if someone is legitimately interested in you why wouldn't they want to talk to you? It doesn't make any sense unless there are some extreme circumstances. All I interpret from these situations is whoever the person is that's doing the slow replying isn't really particularly interested yet, but still wants to keep the other person around just in case.

I know that you feel like you're giving in or whatever if you respond but I feel very strongly about this. If you're having to 'play games' or get the feeling that that's what they're doing to you, just bail out. I don't have time for that shit, I'm not in high school. Both parties in the [potential] relationship need to be real or just drop it.

So my advice is: Respond to her if that's what you want to do. Don't play games. If she continues to drop off the face of the earth, then you're seeing what's really up and you can make a decision when you personally feel like you've had enough.

Yeah I'm going to text her back in a few and just let her know I have plans for the next couple nights, but if she wants to go on another date sometime later, we could maybe arrange something. Thats where my frustration stems from, she had plenty of time to send me a "hey whats up" message, and was obviously using her phone. She was posting photos to instagram and everything so it was a waiting game.

How close are you? Are you dating? How long have you been seeing each other? This is important in determining how you should respond. If you've only gone out once or twice, then I'd say cut her some slack, say not to worry about it and ask when you can see her again.

On the other hand, if you're in a relationship, it isn't cool to stay out of communication for too long without an explanation. I'd expect more than that. My girl and I text a couple of times a day at least and if we know we're not going to be in contact with one another, we know the reason why. My point is, expectations should be set appropriately for the depth of the relationship that you're in.

We met on a dating app called Tinder, talked a shit ton for a week, and I've taken her out on one date. So we aren't very familiar or anything. Not to read into anything, but a few minutes before she sent me the text she had posted a selfie on facebook with some lyrics along the line of "I've been thinking about what we could be, losing sleep" blah blah blah, and then when I checked her profile half an hour later after the text she had deleted it. Again I read absolutely nothing into it but that was just weird.

Guess I'm just going to play it off and see if she actually chats through text tonight or has sent me a one off text. Maybe ask her if she wants to go on that second date she mentioned this weekend.
 
Ok gaf, this is one game I have no idea how to play, and have problems picking up on no matter how many times I play it.

The girl I mentioned above earlier that went dark just texted me half an hour ago. She said "Hey! I'm sorry I didn't call you back. Things have been so busy for the last couple of days. What's up?"

-____-

I think this girl is really, really cool and super cute, but damn. I don't want to respond to her so she gets the impression she can ignore me for days and then get rewarded for it, at the same time, I hate playing games and if I want to talk to somebody, I'm going to do it.
What's the proper way to go about this? She's had me chase her and think about her for five days now with no reply, and just when I write her off and start talking to another girl she pops back up. Do I actually have to play along in this case and wait a day to respond? Do I address the silence and say it's not cool? Play forgiving, tell her no worries, and talk like normal?
Guide me, dating age.

For me at least i can only care as much as the other person does, IMO and my experience she is kinda toying with you and the possibility of having someone else and you are second string.
 
Ok gaf, this is one game I have no idea how to play, and have problems picking up on no matter how many times I play it.

The girl I mentioned above earlier that went dark just texted me half an hour ago. She said "Hey! I'm sorry I didn't call you back. Things have been so busy for the last couple of days. What's up?"

-____-

I think this girl is really, really cool and super cute, but damn. I don't want to respond to her so she gets the impression she can ignore me for days and then get rewarded for it, at the same time, I hate playing games and if I want to talk to somebody, I'm going to do it.

What's the proper way to go about this? She's had me chase her and think about her for five days now with no reply, and just when I write her off and start talking to another girl she pops back up. Do I actually have to play along in this case and wait a day to respond? Do I address the silence and say it's not cool? Play forgiving, tell her no worries, and talk like normal?

Guide me, dating age.
Play it off as if you hadn't noticed because you've been busy with cool stuff. Then later down the line, it'll eventually be true and you have an awesome life as your reward :) Telling her off won't help you whatsoever.

Damn. :( I'm sensing it's close to the end too, but I can also tell it's not completely there yet. She admits that even though this newfound space has been really good for her, it's also hard not having me anymore.


A week. I asked because she admitted that she's not over her previous relationship, even though she said she doesn't see anything happening with him again. To be fair, she jumped straight from that toxic relationship to ours in a matter of a few weeks. So she never got her own personal time. But then again, our relationship has been mostly good.


Trying not to. :( I asked for a time frame, she said to give her one more week.
You need to cut off contact. The only proper way to win someone back is to show them a life without you. If you talk to her but aren't there, you'll let her eat the cake and still have it. By not being around, you'll show her how her life is different without you. Of course, she might like it, and good for her on choosing happiness, but she might also choose to come back to you. But the decision must be hers.
 
Got a date with a girl who goes to the gym and also plays Pokemon B-)

Still trying to get over my ex... but today I remembered that she doesn't think the Toy Story movies are any good, and that she likes the new Star Wars movies better than the old ones... so that helped a little. :P
 
Play it off as if you hadn't noticed because you've been busy with cool stuff. Then later down the line, it'll eventually be true and you have an awesome life as your reward :) Telling her off won't help you whatsoever.

You need to cut off contact. The only proper way to win someone back is to show them a life without you. If you talk to her but aren't there, you'll let her eat the cake and still have it. By not being around, you'll show her how her life is different without you. Of course, she might like it, and good for her on choosing happiness, but she might also choose to come back to you. But the decision must be hers.
Well, I think she's starting to already. Just got a text saying "I don't want you to think you're the only one feeling the way you're feeling."

Cutting all communication is just really hard right now because we're still really good best friends (before we even started dating). I think she'll come around. And if she doesn't, then it probably wasn't meant to be.
 
Got a date with a girl who goes to the gym and also plays Pokemon B-)

Still trying to get over my ex... but today I remembered that she doesn't think the Toy Story movies are any good, and that she likes the new Star Wars movies better than the old ones... so that helped a little. :P

....What?
 
Well, I think she's starting to already. Just got a text saying "I don't want you to think you're the only one feeling the way you're feeling."

Cutting all communication is just really hard right now because we're still really good best friends (before we even started dating). I think she'll come around. And if she doesn't, then it probably wasn't meant to be.
Do whatever you want :) Keep yourself occupied with cool stuff like told the other guy and you won't think about it as much.
 
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