Lol. I'm in a situation more awkward then that would be.
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Dating-Age |OT4| Realise You're Living in the Golden Years
- Thread starter Minamu
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Lol. I'm in a situation more awkward then that would be.
Yup, yup. I handed all of her things back. I've done everything in my power now, it's time to just let things go. I'm starting to realize I shouldn't feel guilty over her sadness. She can't have her cake and eat it too. She made her choice, now I'm doing what's best for me, and if she feels so strongly about it, that's entirely on her. She got what she wanted so her room for complaining is gone.
bobs...onGaf
Member
Wow this page has been depressing but its exactly what I need today. Had a shitty break up thing myself yesterday. Me and the girl where floundering anyway, not dating exactly but the spark was there - I am glad I went out with her yesterday and we ended sort of on my terms (although it is mutual, her actions made it clear she didn't care about me.) it would have been worse for me if I didnt end on a high note. Im glad it was me who walked away after seeing her actions rather than her just going cold on me.
still sucks.
Edit: just talked to her - she managed to twist it to make me look like that bad guy - we still cool according to her but I really hate the way this girl twists stuff around so easily wtf
I have to fight fire with fire - I'm only intereted in friendship but I still don't wanna be the one at fualt
still sucks.
Edit: just talked to her - she managed to twist it to make me look like that bad guy - we still cool according to her but I really hate the way this girl twists stuff around so easily wtf
I have to fight fire with fire - I'm only intereted in friendship but I still don't wanna be the one at fualt
I've tried this before, being friends with someone that you have feelings for so that you can still have companionship without anything else complicating it. The idea looks probable on paper, but it doesn't work. It's torture. You were right to say no to that.
Let her sort this stuff out, and don't get hung up on it. Continue on with your life.
depths20XX
Member
Giving gifts back seems kind of bitter. I can understand just giving the stuff they left at your house back.
I can still enjoy some of the things my ex gave me and not have bad feels about it.
I can still enjoy some of the things my ex gave me and not have bad feels about it.
If you're unsure about it, ask them if they want it back. Or if you really want to return it, just explain to them that it doesn't feel right to keep it. If the breakup wasn't too bad, they'll probably understand. Bitter would be leaving it spread across the front lawn.
ComputerMKII
Banned
I agree with everything but I'd like to know more about the bolded.
Also, is this the only way? This method bothers me because it feels like beating around the bush -in my opinion- which is not part of my personality.
It was mainly just stuff she left in my dorm room. I guess I just didn't want it around reminding me that she chose someone over me while I'm trying to move on. I can tell it's hitting her hard though. I'd feel bad but I'm taking care of me, she isn't going to, and she has a dude for emotional support, I don't owe her a friendship.
How do you tell if someone's really busy, or are just giving excuses, or simply playing hard to get? Depending on what it is out of these three my persistence can either be annoying, creepy or be seen as a good thing.
Then again she has no reason to keep in contact with me if she doesn't wants to. Yet I've asked her twice for a meet up and on both occasions she said she was busy, during the last one she said she's sure that we can work something out this week.
Then again she has no reason to keep in contact with me if she doesn't wants to. Yet I've asked her twice for a meet up and on both occasions she said she was busy, during the last one she said she's sure that we can work something out this week.
Quantity and quality of the excuses. Also how conveniently they seem to pop up. This is all a thin line down the over thinking road though. If someone's interested but genuinely busy, they'll most likely try to set up plans at a later date, you know, to reciprocate the interest you've shown. If you're the only one putting in work to get together and the excuses keep on coming, just move on, it's not worth it even if the person is busy with work or not.
TurboLibre
Member
I got everything down but the whole sending/receiving signals part. I just don't see it around me, even among other people. I have no idea how to send signals past straight up telling someone, and even worse at seeing any directed towards me.
I just stop contact after a couple of declines. If it's not an excuse, they'll reach out to you at some point.
The first time she reached out to me and arranged for a meetup sounding quite excited for but that meetup never happened and she said it was because she was stressed out from all the work (this was today and the meetup was suppose to be 2 days ago).
Today when I mentioned we can make sure to go out this week she said that she's got a lot to do this week as well and then is away for the weekend but is sure that we can work something out together...so I donno, it's semester end so it makes sense to have all that work and deadlines, but at the same time it popped up so conveniently .
TurboLibre
Member
Maybe she's busy, maybe she's not. Either way the result is the same. I'd leave it be for a bit and see if she arranges something.
I'm bad at this. I usually cave after a while and contact them.
Vigilant Walrus
Member
If you're in a relationship with someone, and you have made it clear that you're not good at being ignored on purpose (being flakey with responding to text msgs they have seen) when they are going out partying without you...
How much are you allowed to conclude? Girl I'm with have never been flakey before, though I know she saw my text(6 hours ago) because I saw her uploading selfies on facebook. In a quite skimpy outfit at a hot steampy punk concert, with a few of her girlfriends.
Shes been out lots of times without me, me but it has never worried me as she has always at least given a life sign from her. And I've done the same. And we sort of made that deal to sort of let not the other person be worried.
So maybe what I am finding out now, is that I don't trust her, or anyone for that matter unless I have some insurance.
But I can't break up with her over this, right? I just think I won't buy her excuse/explanation. My heart is hurt and wants it to be, "was just to drunk to text back lol" but my brain feels more like we-went-home-with-the-bank-after-getting-back-stage-and-got-our-brains-fucked-out.
Some facts about us and her;
1) I know she cheated in a past relationship, but she said she had a good reason for it. is once a cheater, always a cheater really true? I can't believe it! Or I hope not!
2) shes 21 i'm a fair bit older!
3) shes a decently hot blonde who likes dressing up skimpy for cosplays, concerts, halloween and so on. She gets hit on quite a lot. not outragously, like some girls, but enough to make me go whooaa.
4) she never seem jealous of me, or worried about me. I never knew if it was because she didn't care or knew I would never cheat.
5) she knows I can get jealous even if I try to hide it.
6) My ex didn't have the decency to break up with me. one day she simply didn't respond back to texts or took my calls. Since then I have not been good at other people power playing me in relationship.
7) we don't live together, so we don't have that "she/he didn't come home tonight obligation".
TL;DR - Girl goes out partying. Am I a total tool for having jealous thoughts as well as feeling I'm being ignored on purpose?
How much are you allowed to conclude? Girl I'm with have never been flakey before, though I know she saw my text(6 hours ago) because I saw her uploading selfies on facebook. In a quite skimpy outfit at a hot steampy punk concert, with a few of her girlfriends.
Shes been out lots of times without me, me but it has never worried me as she has always at least given a life sign from her. And I've done the same. And we sort of made that deal to sort of let not the other person be worried.
So maybe what I am finding out now, is that I don't trust her, or anyone for that matter unless I have some insurance.
But I can't break up with her over this, right? I just think I won't buy her excuse/explanation. My heart is hurt and wants it to be, "was just to drunk to text back lol" but my brain feels more like we-went-home-with-the-bank-after-getting-back-stage-and-got-our-brains-fucked-out.
Some facts about us and her;
1) I know she cheated in a past relationship, but she said she had a good reason for it. is once a cheater, always a cheater really true? I can't believe it! Or I hope not!
2) shes 21 i'm a fair bit older!
3) shes a decently hot blonde who likes dressing up skimpy for cosplays, concerts, halloween and so on. She gets hit on quite a lot. not outragously, like some girls, but enough to make me go whooaa.
4) she never seem jealous of me, or worried about me. I never knew if it was because she didn't care or knew I would never cheat.
5) she knows I can get jealous even if I try to hide it.
6) My ex didn't have the decency to break up with me. one day she simply didn't respond back to texts or took my calls. Since then I have not been good at other people power playing me in relationship.
7) we don't live together, so we don't have that "she/he didn't come home tonight obligation".
TL;DR - Girl goes out partying. Am I a total tool for having jealous thoughts as well as feeling I'm being ignored on purpose?
That's exactly why you need to have a cool social life and an exciting and busy life in general so you won't have time to do that. Having multiple women in your life at the same time also accomplishes this. And the great thing is that with a cool life, you'll attract all kinds of new people into your daily life, including women, which will keep the circle going. When you keep women and dating as an after thought in your otherwise very positive and rewarding life, you won't have to cave and reach out to girls in hope of them being interested in you.
Yes, that is an excellent idea, but how do I achieve this cool life?
The Artful Dodger
Member
Play TF2 with me on PC! Go out Drinking, watch Sports! Just get out and keep busy. (lol if you do go outside, then you don't have to play tf2 with me. lol)
youngwerther
Banned
"Just be fucking awesome and busy and cool 24/7" as dating advice is equivalent to "Just pull yourself up by the bootstraps" as economic advice.
A solution to this problem is to delete their number. You can't contact them if you don't have their number.
The Artful Dodger
Member
Except wearing Bootstraps is definitely not cool.
That depends on what you consider cool. Hobbies are easy to start if you just make an effort to find info on them. Jobs are harder of course but studying is always nice. It won't happen over night but it'll go much faster if you're happy with yourself and keep a positive attitude.
Let's not go here. Just don't.
I like to have hobbies that I both enjoy and can use in common conversation. Gaming is a hobby but I can't talk about gaming with all of my friends, at least not all the time.
ThLunarian
Member
I sit next to a girl in one of my classes who I've sort-of become friends with.
The problem is that I'm ridiculously attracted to her, and she has a fiance.
I'm not at all interested in trying to get together with her, because she's engaged and I don't want to deal with that. But I enjoy being her friend. But I was trying to avoid becoming her friend all this time because I'm attracted to her and she's engaged.
Any pointers on what to do here?
The problem is that I'm ridiculously attracted to her, and she has a fiance.
I'm not at all interested in trying to get together with her, because she's engaged and I don't want to deal with that. But I enjoy being her friend. But I was trying to avoid becoming her friend all this time because I'm attracted to her and she's engaged.
Any pointers on what to do here?
TurboLibre
Member
If I still think they're cool enough, I might shoot them an invite when I get a group together. But planning your night around someone that will flake or makes excuses is setting yourself up for failure. Why waste your time with someone that doesn't want to spend it with you?
At the same time, if you don't think you're awesome why should anybody else?
youngwerther
Banned
I think I'm going to just finally have to accept my fate and become a celibate monk or something for the sake of self-preservation. Women just don't like me. I give up.
I spend more time thinking about how to become detached from it than how to fix it.
I spend more time thinking about how to become detached from it than how to fix it.
The Artful Dodger
Member
What happened man? you didn't ask her out?
I wanna say you're being overdramatic but somethin' tells me you know that, just based on your username...
youngwerther
Banned
If anything my user name is an aspiration. Werther got farther than I ever did. Hell, I don't even have friends.
In fact I don't think my previous post is dramatic at all. If anything it's downright rational and backed by nearly 10 years of post-pubescent evidence. My only problem is vacillating between being "over it" and caring again. I'd probably be happier if I castrated myself. Now THERE'S drama.
edit: I just think there's something deep-seated in my personality or appearance that causes people to dislike me. I'm sorry but advice consisting of "just be awesome" sounds absurd in the face of such realizations.
Be her friend? Just fap when u think of her.
The Artful Dodger
Member
Move on.
God Dayumm
Banned
LOL yeah. I'm starting to feel, by the way, that I should give up women and use all that effort I waste going to the gym and taking care of my appearance into dem bootstraps and start a business or something. Seems like I have better luck in that kind of things lol
TurboLibre
Member
Awesome is subjective. The goal is to find out what makes you feel awesome. Find something you like, or something that fascinates you, and reach for it.
I felt just like you. Still fight it off, truth be told. But I constantly find out what it is I want to do and shoot for it. I was out of shape and sought out how to exercise effectively. Couldn't even run five minutes without walking, now I run two miles pretty much daily and shooting to improve. Awful cook, so I started teaching myself some new recipes. Didn't like wasting my days in front of the TV so I bought a camera and started exploring the city looking to teach myself photography. It's all about trying to convince yourself you're interesting and the fun goes from there. If you aren't willing to do that, well, you've already accepted your "fate".
I don't know. I just feel the need to be liked by everyone, even though I know that at some point there's bound to be someone who just doesn't like me for no reason. Also, I really don't like losing touch with people.
I think what they're getting at with that is that it's possible to go with the "I'm awesome and confident so I can talk to women with no problem" approach, for a lot of people, it seems sort of unrealistic due to self-esteem problems, and it's hard to solve self-esteem problems yourself because you're aware that you're biased, so you seek confirmation from an unbiased source. So people develop an "I can only be awesome if other people think I'm awesome" mentality, all the while being unaware that your opinion on yourself affects other people's opinions of you. If you beat yourself down into a door mat then of course people are going to step all over you. Some people might try to pick you up and say "hey, you're not a door mat," but most probably won't. You have to prove that you're not a door mat by not acting like one. So the whole thing turns into a "Other people will think I'm awesome when I think I'm awesome, but I won't think I'm awesome until other people think I'm awesome" cycle. I know this sounds like pretty corny advice, but you gotta believe, because kick punch it's all in the mind.
SquiddyCracker
Banned
Such a simple, yet efficient, solution.
My mopey, bummed out weekend was really great. I needed to get that out of my system.
Watched a lot of movies and played some games, ate great food and drank good beer. WOO!
Went to bed at 10:15 last night and woke up at 5:30 and worked out hard. Ready for Thanksgiving week and spending time with my family then hitting the dating trail next week.
Watch out ladies, I am coming back!
Watched a lot of movies and played some games, ate great food and drank good beer. WOO!
Went to bed at 10:15 last night and woke up at 5:30 and worked out hard. Ready for Thanksgiving week and spending time with my family then hitting the dating trail next week.
Watch out ladies, I am coming back!
CF_Fighter
Member
Joining a gym this week as I get a major discount with my new job.
TurboLibre
Member
Well let me tell you, constantly trying to get someone to hang out when they don't actively want to isn't going to make them like you more. Quite the opposite. And if they do "like" you in some way, they'll try and make plans with you at a latter time.
And the way I see it, you shouldn't want to be liked by everyone. You don't want to be this watered down version of yourself that's trying to please everyone. If you're being genuine you're bound to ruffle some feathers here and there. Don't be overly worried about what other people think of you, and just be you.
Sorry, didn't see the green so I overlooked the second part.
You would think other sources would help, but nope. I know because I was in (and still visit) that self-esteem hole. I have had a lot of friends and people I don't even know very well directly tell me I'm awesome but because I was down on myself I brushed it off. Figured they were lying to cheer me up, or the words just had no impact. That's why I firmly believe you need to teach yourself that you're a pretty cool person first. Easier said then done, but speaking first hand, it really helps.
And no, this won't magically make you walk up to random women and ask for dates. But it will build your confidence so when you do see an opportunity you're more likely to take it.
Omegasquash
Member
It's been one of (if not the) best decision I've made in 2013. In a few months, I've increased my strength somewhat, learned to push my limits (which has been even more telling), and lost lots of weight in combination with eating healthy.
Do it, enjoy it, take full advantage of it, as it's simply too good to not do.
I know. I think I'm gonna ease up on always being the one to start the conversation or suggest hanging out for a while. It's exhausting.
TurboLibre
Member
I feel ya. Cut out two girls these past couple of weeks because of that.
And I posted it late on the last page, so I'll put it here again.
Sorry for the edit, I didn't see the green so I overlooked the second part.
You would think other sources would help, but nope. I know because I was in (and still visit) that self-esteem hole. I have had a lot of friends and people I don't even know very well directly tell me I'm awesome but because I was down on myself I brushed it off. Figured they were lying to cheer me up, or the words just had no impact. That's why I firmly believe you need to teach yourself that you're a pretty cool person first. Easier said then done, but speaking first hand, it really helps.
And no, this won't magically make you walk up to random women and ask for dates. But it will build your confidence so when you do see an opportunity you're more likely to take it.
I had to end it with Roxanne. She almost accused me of fraternising with other girls earlier as she saw me online on WhatsApp and sent a couple of long messages (a bunch of needy stuff and trust issues). Now this isn't entirely false as I was quite active on WhatsApp at and around the time she sent those messages and I was talking to my best friend who happens to be female. I didn't respond to her message earlier in the day because, again, it was a long arse message (a perfectly harmless one, though) and I didn't have the time to think out a response and a type it all out. In hindsight I probably should have sent a quick one saying I'll respond later with a proper response, as this mess may then not have occurred.
Long story short, she's too crazy and I literally used the "it's not you, it's me" line because I said I wasn't ready for a relationship as intense as what she was looking for, which is sort of true as I still feel a bit shitty about Jew-girl.
Oh well, the search continues!
Long story short, she's too crazy and I literally used the "it's not you, it's me" line because I said I wasn't ready for a relationship as intense as what she was looking for, which is sort of true as I still feel a bit shitty about Jew-girl.
Oh well, the search continues!
Kung Fu Jedi
Member
Lots of break-ups going on in this thread over the past few pages. Hopefully we'll see some success stories coming through in the days ahead. Lots of girls like to have a date for the holidays.
I'm traveling to visit my girlfriend on Thanksgiving morning. Looking forward to a four-day weekend with her.
I'm traveling to visit my girlfriend on Thanksgiving morning. Looking forward to a four-day weekend with her.
Yeah it's been one hell of a Debbie Downer thread lately
I've been with three girl this november, no fapping seems to do wonders :lol First one is a nice girl but she was way too clingy until I told her so and continues to shower me with unwarranted sweet talk. Nice person though it seems, well-mannered 
Not girl friend material for me though. Second one was from the web, so super sweet and tender. Slim dance instructor who now adores Brent Smith as much as I it seems. Dark haired, first girl since my ex who I really started to like but alas, she wasn't feeling it for whatever reason (as detailed a few pages back). Third was a friend from this summer who surprisingly came over yesterday morning for some cuddling and, well. We had a bit of a falling out around the semester start but that only seemed to increase her interest. But she isn't looking for anything serious. And I gotta be honest with myself, I am looking for that. So I intend to dial down my FWB efforts and recalibrate for something more. But it's also time for some super serious job hunting and there's pointless school work to be done as well.trab pu kcip
Member
indeed. I'm going to date planescape torment, maybe I'm going to have a funny little affair with a newer, younger game too
On that note, I started playing Thomas was alone tonight for a school project. Seems apt somehow
The million-dollar question is how do you get someone to be self-confident again?
It's a long process that sort of just happens when you push yourself into positions your uncomfortable with. Suddenly what you were afraid of, isn't a problem anymore.
Here is what I see confidence as. It's getting over the fear to fail and mess up.
I'm having a threesome with BF4 & Resogun during the whole t-day break.
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