THE TIME OF MARIO HAS COME TO END
Dec. 12, 2013
President of Nintendo Co., Ltd. Satoru Iwata today announced that the Time of Mario has passed. Over 6 billion people looked at the stars in November and observed the shifting alignment of stars, planets, and galaxies that govern the spirits of video game mascots. In keeping with tradition, Iwata and the high priests dragged down the statue of Mario at headquarters, and ceremoniously garroted it with a hempen cord before burying it in an elaborate tomb.
"The time has passed. The stars have changed, and so has Nintendo," announced Mr. Iwata before a crowd drunk with ritual wine.
The company then erected statues of Luigi and Cranky Kong, and anointed them with oil and sacred herbs, declaring their time to be eternal.