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[Idde]

Wow. Yesterday I met THE archetypical nice-guys-of OKC...nice guy. He even wore a fedora. We got to talking and somehow we ended up on the subject of nerd culture acceptance. It was at the Dutch language school gathering again, and we discussed how it would be cool to teach Klingo, or Vulcan or Elvish or whatever. That being sort of a nerd was hip enough for there to be a market for this sort of stuff.

Well, the conversation was pretty funny, so we were laughing quite a bit, and girls (and guys) would come up to us. Which is quite normal over there. But it only took him three or four remarks to completely scare every woman away. Stuff like: how long did it take you to decide on these shoes? (doesn"t sound to bad in a conversation, but this just came out of nowhere).

So we were discussing teaching made up languages, and how much thought was put into the grammar, and how official and eloquent sentences are. There were three girls talking and laughing behind us. We heard the word boyfriend in their convo. So the guy said: "this is such a cool conversation. You just can't talk to woman about this sort of stuff." So I asked him why not. He said, they just aren't interested, they only care about boyfriends and shoes.

So I turned around, asked them in how far they they thought nerd culture was accepted nowadays. And since they were students in a language school, if they would be interested in learning Vulcan or Elvish or something. It's true that two girls looked at me like I was speaking Klingon.

But another one (pretty cute) said: "well, Vulcan not so much, but Elvish would be sort of nice." You should have seen the guys face: "What would you know about Vulcan?" Turns out she saw quite a bit of Star Trek and she was in the middle of her annual LotR reread. She was really cool, a bit young though. And the guy was a cool dude to talk to for me. But to women he was really passive aggressive, just oozed bitterness and really tried waaaaay to hard.

And the fedora, by god, the fedora

 

[Deleted member 10571]

My recap for 2013 would be the same as last year: Once you hit 30+, you'll ever only meet amazing women with boyfriends or husbands or those that just aren't into you, the end.

Seems I was wrong. More about that later. Yay 2014. George if you read this shut up, srsly.

 

[SquiddyCracker]

how long did it take you to decide on these shoes?

That is totally a neg.
Sounds like he's been reading a bit of PUA-tactics.

 

[TylerD]

Thank you, I really appreciate that.

Honestly, I am very happy that she put her foot down like she did and hope that means she won't put up with crap from any guys in the future. She doesn't disserve that.

So, it seems like it was a good idea to email and apologize to her because she reached out last night. We chatted for a while and caught up and she asked me what brought on the email. I told her that I just really wanted to apologize. Then told her I care. She understands and we chatted for a bit longer.

Don't think this story is over just yet and that is just fine by me!

 

[Kung Fu Jedi]

So, it seems like it was a good idea to email and apologize to her because she reached out last night. We chatted for a while and caught up and she asked me what brought on the email. I told her that I just really wanted to apologize. Then told her I care. She understands and we chatted for a bit longer.

Don't think this story is over just yet and that is just fine by me!

Good to hear man. I hope you get another chance, just be more careful this time out. Judging from what you've written about her in this thread, it seems there is something there between you two. Hopefully, you'll finally get a chance to explore it more.

 

[TylerD]

Good to hear man. I hope you get another chance, just be more careful this time out. Judging from what you've written about her in this thread, it seems there is something there between you two. Hopefully, you'll finally get a chance to explore it more.

I haven't felt like this about anyone since my 3 year relationship. That ended close to 7 years a go. I'll be handling things with kid gloves and just go with the flow.

Hopefully trust builds and everything else will take care of itself.

 

[jimmypython]

I don't post here very often but have learnt a lot from the amazing people from this thread.

2013. A VERY tough year for me on the dating front...

however I got my PhD degree, moved to a new city, met a lot of cool people.

it would be prefect I could met the right girl for me......2014, a long way to go still

 

[dochuge]

PLEASE guys help me DECODE this woman I'm seeing.

IN PERSON twice: fun, playful, sensual. Brings up sex and relationships in our conversations, as do I. We kiss, hold hands, touch, she tells me how attentive I am, how she likes what she sees. In fact on our first date she took out lip gloss, put it on, and then reached across the table and kissed me. Damn, she made the first move and that rarely happens.

BY PHONE/TEXTING: Distant. Will go hours and hours between messages or even a day. Sometimes won't return texts at all. Called her once and she texted the next day saying she was having a "technology free day" so turned her phone off. What the hell is that? I call her, arrange a date and she enthusiastically agrees. She calls and cancels the next day saying she is going back to her home state earlier than anticipated. That was 10 days ago. No texting at all, tried reaching out Thursday, no response.

So in short: in person appears VERY interested, by phone she's like a completely different person. So what the hell is going on here?

 

[Darklord]

How much should I message someone if we haven't met yet? I met this girl online but we quickly took it to phone texting and we added each other on facebook. I asked her out but she seemed kind of hesitant and said "maybe" but I think she might just be nervous meeting a random guy so soon. We've been chatting for like 3 days so far but I don't want to annoy her with heaps of texts or anything. We send maybe 10-15 over a day so far. Do you think I should cut back?

 

[Minamu]

Dochuge: She has a life irl. I don't think she means anything by it. Maybe she just doesn't like phones, going by the tech free day. Try to set things up for more irl meetups as quickly as possible.

 

[Liu Kang Baking A Pie]

PLEASE guys help me DECODE this woman I'm seeing.

IN PERSON twice: fun, playful, sensual. Brings up sex and relationships in our conversations, as do I. We kiss, hold hands, touch, she tells me how attentive I am, how she likes what she sees. In fact on our first date she took out lip gloss, put it on, and then reached across the table and kissed me. Damn, she made the first move and that rarely happens.

BY PHONE/TEXTING: Distant. Will go hours and hours between messages or even a day. Sometimes won't return texts at all. Called her once and she texted the next day saying she was having a "technology free day" so turned her phone off. What the hell is that? I call her, arrange a date and she enthusiastically agrees. She calls and cancels the next day saying she is going back to her home state earlier than anticipated. That was 10 days ago. No texting at all, tried reaching out Thursday, no response.

So in short: in person appears VERY interested, by phone she's like a completely different person. So what the hell is going on here?

Attention span. She likes you when you're there and she's emotionally and physically available for you. When you're not, she's got other shit on her mind.

Basically, she really likes you, but not that much. It doesn't really make that much sense, but I've been there.

 

[Vigilant Walrus]

IN PERSON twice: fun, playful, sensual. Brings up sex and relationships in our conversations, as do I. We kiss, hold hands, touch, she tells me how attentive I am, how she likes what she sees. In fact on our first date she took out lip gloss, put it on, and then reached across the table and kissed me. Damn, she made the first move and that rarely happens.

BY PHONE/TEXTING: Distant. Will go hours and hours between messages or even a day. Sometimes won't return texts at all. Called her once and she texted the next day saying she was having a "technology free day" so turned her phone off. What the hell is that? I call her, arrange a date and she enthusiastically agrees. She calls and cancels the next day saying she is going back to her home state earlier than anticipated. That was 10 days ago. No texting at all, tried reaching out Thursday, no response.

So in short: in person appears VERY interested, by phone she's like a completely different person. So what the hell is going on here?

Hey man,

This is a power play. It's power games, hot'n cold. Who knows what her original intentions were. Remember that many women (unlike men who wanna get laid) are fine for a lot of the time of just having guys give them attention, kiss a bit and just get dat ego boost.
It's possible (but I can't say for sure) that she got what she wanted from you and doesn't really care about you. I know everyone is different but my personal take on it is that if a person does not bother to reply back, or after cancelling an apointment, reschedules a new or keeps the torch going... then they really aren't interested in you.

If it was a friend, they would never do shit like that, right? and if they did you would write to your friend that he was a pig and that he should reply his goddam txts while your waiting to make other plans.
It's about self respect.


If I can give you advice: Try not to take this personal. I understand the feeling. It's rational to have a sense of getting false expectations. After all, what is someones word worth if they give impression that they really want you, and then cuts you of later? Forgive this chick and all other chicks who follow this pattern. You just have to appreciate that they make it clear that they are not going to waste your time, resources and love. And that's good. Because that's all the more time for you to keep practicing being a better person and finding companions other places. And that's all that matters.

Nothing is more scary than people who are in love with someone who doesn't really love them back. It's horrible for everyone. Being single is great, even if you don't get laid. Being with someone who doesn't care about you that much will kill a part of your soul and confidence.

 

[dochuge]

Thanks guys.

Listen, I'm way older than you guys and they are still confusing the crap out of me, this one in particular.

I really do give her space and don't text her every day. I've texted her ONCE since she left town. But believe me, this woman POURS IT ON THICK. I'm pretty good at dating and have dated roughly 20 women this year and this is the first one who is either totally sincere or full of shit. And I can't tell which one. I know sometimes you get "in the moment" but this was beyond anyone I've dated. It felt different. And it could have just been one big act.

I'm not waiting by the phone, trust me. I've already dated two women since she left.

 

[stn]

@dochuge

I agree with what others have said. She might just be relishing the fact that she can kiss you, grab your attention, and so forth. There are always some women out there who are just in it for the ego boost, best thing to do is just ignore them and move on. What should you do with this girl? Seems like you've done all you should. If she wants space, give it to her. Stop proposing hangouts and dates, let her do the work.

I've always believed that the moment one party rejects the invite from another, the onus is on the rejecting party to reach out if they want to. So yeah, just do nothing. If she actually likes you then she'll reach out eventually.

 

[Stormtrooper30]

Would it be appropriate to send my girlfriend's family flowers for Christmas? It seems right to me, but I don't know if thats odd or not. We've only been dating four months and I haven't met any of them yet.

 

[Kung Fu Jedi]

Would it be appropriate to send my girlfriend's family flowers for Christmas? It seems right to me, but I don't know if thats odd or not. We've only been dating four months and I haven't met any of them yet.

I would think it is a bit odd if you haven't met them yet to send them flowers. But, if you're going to meet them for the first time over the holidays, you could take some along with you. That would be a nice gesture.

 

[Minamu]

Interesting day. Yesterday I was visited online by a girl in my neighborhood back home. But I was busy with a hot young mom so I didn't bother xD But today she had the balls to contact me and we got to talking. I did the obvious Brent thing and just told her cold that I assume she would like to meet up. And she said that it wouldn't be a idea at all So I suggested a walk (as I was uncertain on what she truly looked like). But she actually suggested that we meet up and use the local sauna and jacuzzi. I agreed of course, that sounded good and if she suggests something like that on her own, she was obviously interested in more than holding hands xD So, jacuzzi sex achievement unlocked. I've known her for little over 8 hours. We've exchanged numbers and might meet up again before we leave after xmas but we'll see. She was a little upset about the lack of condoms though which put a dent in the mood since we got down to business so fast. Surprisingly good girl though, I'm happy I met her.

 

[War Peaceman]

Interesting day. Yesterday I was visited online by a girl in my neighborhood back home. But I was busy with a hot young mom so I didn't bother xD But today she had the balls to contact me and we got to talking. I did the obvious Brent thing and just told her cold that I assume she would like to meet up. And she said that it wouldn't be a idea at all So I suggested a walk (as I was uncertain on what she truly looked like). But she actually suggested that we meet up and use the local sauna and jacuzzi. I agreed of course, that sounded good and if she suggests something like that on her own, she was obviously interested in more than holding hands xD So, jacuzzi sex achievement unlocked. I've known her for little over 8 hours. We've exchanged numbers and might meet up again before we leave after xmas but we'll see. She was a little upset about the lack of condoms though which put a dent in the mood since we got down to business so fast. Surprisingly good girl though, I'm happy I met her.

You didn't wear a condom? If so, what the hell are you doing?!

 

[Minamu]

You didn't wear a condom? If so, what the hell are you doing?!

Without going into too much detail , I don't think it'll be a problem. Stupid though yeah

 

[Fenrisulvur]

So GAFS I need your help to figure what's going on and whether I should give up on this girl or stick with it. She messaged me at the beginning of the month via Okcupid and we exchanged a few messages before I asked if she wanted to hang out which she said yes to and our first date went amazingly and I got amazingly kiss and since then we've gone on numerous dates all of which ended up with us making out.

So fast forward to last night, we go on a date and then spend a good 4-5 hours at the local make out spot overlooking the city and drinking a few beers and we move to the back of the car where things get steamy and I can see her want to initiate more but hesitant so i make the move and put my hand between her legs and finger her for a good 10 minutes until out of the blue she stops me and says some spiel of not wanting to be in a relationship and how she thought she was ready but isnt, etc and just wants to be friends who make out. At this point I'm perplexed and we drive back, talking like nothing happened and then when I drop her off, she goes in for a kiss and I deflect it with a few kisses on the cheek.

This morning I woke up to a text from her wanting to hang out again when I get back home from the holidays but I'm unsure if I should or not. She's an awesome girl and we have and blast together but I don't want to be regulated to make out sessions that leave me wanting or stuck in and perpetual dating loop due to her not being ready. What should I do?

 

[giga]

So GAFS I need your help to figure what's going on and whether I should give up on this girl or stick with it. She messaged me at the beginning of the month via Okcupid and we exchanged a few messages before I asked if she wanted to hang out which she said yes to and our first date went amazingly and I got amazingly kiss and since then we've gone on numerous dates all of which ended up with us making out.

So fast forward to last night, we go on a date and then spend a good 4-5 hours at the local make out spot overlooking the city and drinking a few beers and we move to the back of the car where things get steamy and I can see her want to initiate more but hesitant so i make the move and put my hand between her legs and finger her for a good 10 minutes until out of the blue she stops me and says some spiel of not wanting to be in a relationship and how she thought she was ready but isnt, etc and just wants to be friends who make out. At this point I'm perplexed and we drive back, talking like nothing happened and then when I drop her off, she goes in for a kiss and I deflect it with a few kisses on the cheek.

This morning I woke up to a text from her wanting to hang out again when I get back home from the holidays but I'm unsure if I should or not. She's an awesome girl and we have and blast together but I don't want to be regulated to make out sessions that leave me wanting or stuck in and perpetual dating loop due to her not being ready. What should I do?

Tell her.

 

[Kung Fu Jedi]

So GAFS I need your help to figure what's going on and whether I should give up on this girl or stick with it. She messaged me at the beginning of the month via Okcupid and we exchanged a few messages before I asked if she wanted to hang out which she said yes to and our first date went amazingly and I got amazingly kiss and since then we've gone on numerous dates all of which ended up with us making out.

So fast forward to last night, we go on a date and then spend a good 4-5 hours at the local make out spot overlooking the city and drinking a few beers and we move to the back of the car where things get steamy and I can see her want to initiate more but hesitant so i make the move and put my hand between her legs and finger her for a good 10 minutes until out of the blue she stops me and says some spiel of not wanting to be in a relationship and how she thought she was ready but isnt, etc and just wants to be friends who make out. At this point I'm perplexed and we drive back, talking like nothing happened and then when I drop her off, she goes in for a kiss and I deflect it with a few kisses on the cheek.

This morning I woke up to a text from her wanting to hang out again when I get back home from the holidays but I'm unsure if I should or not. She's an awesome girl and we have and blast together but I don't want to be regulated to make out sessions that leave me wanting or stuck in and perpetual dating loop due to her not being ready. What should I do?

Depends on what you want out of this girl. If you like her a lot and would like to have it lead to a relationship, then be patient and wait. She may need time, but could easily come around after you've been together longer.

On the other hand, if you're just looking to get laid, she'll probably bring you frustration.

 

[bigfunkychiken]

I would think it is a bit odd if you haven't met them yet to send them flowers. But, if you're going to meet them for the first time over the holidays, you could take some along with you. That would be a nice gesture.

Agreed.

 

[twilitesparklemotion]

Dochuge: She has a life irl. I don't think she means anything by it. Maybe she just doesn't like phones, going by the tech free day. Try to set things up for more irl meetups as quickly as possible.

100% this. You can never correlate How Often She Texts You with Whether Or Not She Likes You.

 

[Fenrisulvur]

Depends on what you want out of this girl. If you like her a lot and would like to have it lead to a relationship, then be patient and wait. She may need time, but could easily come around after you've been together longer.

On the other hand, if you're just looking to get laid, she'll probably bring you frustration.

I really really like her I'm just confused by her at times to the point of not knowing how to act. She has told me that she just got out of a 3 year relationship that made it her have to move from Seattle to her home city of Vancouver. In the two weeks we've been talking, we've gone on almost 8 dates and her even going as far to come out to see me ( I'm in Portland ) when she is exhausted because she wants to see me. I have the vibe she is afraid of committing again even though I've not pressed the issue at all. Getting laid isn't an issue but I do find it very disconcerting that we have hot and steamy make out sessions but and stay thing further she seems to panic.

 

[Kyne]

So GAFS I need your help to figure what's going on and whether I should give up on this girl or stick with it. She messaged me at the beginning of the month via Okcupid and we exchanged a few messages before I asked if she wanted to hang out which she said yes to and our first date went amazingly and I got amazingly kiss and since then we've gone on numerous dates all of which ended up with us making out.

So fast forward to last night, we go on a date and then spend a good 4-5 hours at the local make out spot overlooking the city and drinking a few beers and we move to the back of the car where things get steamy and I can see her want to initiate more but hesitant so i make the move and put my hand between her legs and finger her for a good 10 minutes until out of the blue she stops me and says some spiel of not wanting to be in a relationship and how she thought she was ready but isnt, etc and just wants to be friends who make out. At this point I'm perplexed and we drive back, talking like nothing happened and then when I drop her off, she goes in for a kiss and I deflect it with a few kisses on the cheek.

This morning I woke up to a text from her wanting to hang out again when I get back home from the holidays but I'm unsure if I should or not. She's an awesome girl and we have and blast together but I don't want to be regulated to make out sessions that leave me wanting or stuck in and perpetual dating loop due to her not being ready. What should I do?

explain the concept of blueballs to her. shit's no joke.

 

[Kung Fu Jedi]

I really really like her I'm just confused by her at times to the point of not knowing how to act. She has told me that she just got out of a 3 year relationship that made it her have to move from Seattle to her home city of Vancouver. In the two weeks we've been talking, we've gone on almost 8 dates and her even going as far to come out to see me ( I'm in Portland ) when she is exhausted because she wants to see me. I have the vibe she is afraid of committing again even though I've not pressed the issue at all. Getting laid isn't an issue but I do find it very disconcerting that we have hot and steamy make out sessions but and stay thing further she seems to panic.

Two weeks is not a long time, no matter the number of dates. It does say that she's interested in you, but just might be a bit gun-shy at the moment. My advice would be to let her know how you feel, but that you're also not going anywhere because you do indeed really like her. She very well may want to go further as well, but just can't quite do it just yet.

 

[Minamu]

explain the concept of blueballs to her. shit's no joke.

Yeah I think I got a version of that in november. That pain was actually scary for real.

 

[potam]

So, GAF, tell me if I'm just oblivious to any signs, or if I'm barking up the wrong tree:

I'll recap my last few posts real quick. Met girl at party. GIrl adds me on FB. Immediately likes/comments on a picture. After a couple of days, I grab my balls and ask her to go to a show with me and a friend. We go, and afterwards go to the Clermont Lounge (nasty dive bar with nastier strippers), but she doesn't drink that night. We chat some more, and we decide to watch GoT to get her up to date before the new season starts.

So today she was supposed to come over around 2-3. She asks to come over a later and ends up getting here around 6. We watch the first episode, nothing really happening. Watch the second, she's sitting a little bit closer. Go grab food and come back. I finally put my arm on the back of the couch and she's sitting right up next to me. But nothing more happened. I didn't see any signs from her, or at least I don't think so.

Then she has to leave half way through the third episode, but she told me beforehand so it wasn't some shock. But before she leaves she asks to use my bathroom, and then does her hair and makeup. I didn't ask her where she was going since it isn't my business, but at the same time she didn't volunteer any information either.

She leaves, but says she wants to come back and watch more GoT.

What say you GAF?


Jesus, after rereading this post, I'm astounded I've managed to have sex with real, live women before.

 

[Fenrisulvur]

Two weeks is not a long time, no matter the number of dates. It does say that she's interested in you, but just might be a bit gun-shy at the moment. My advice would be to let her know how you feel, but that you're also not going anywhere because you do indeed really like her. She very well may want to go further as well, but just can't quite do it just yet.

Oh I know it's not a long time at all but I guess I have a skewed view on it as for the past 8 years or so whenever I do get to the point of making out it always progresses to sex and it is a shock having a girl initiate making out and grab my crotch on occasion but then panic when I make a move to the next step and then make comments about not ready for relationships, etc. Do you think she equates the act of oral and sex as something mutually exclusive to being in a relationship?

explain the concept of blueballs to her. shit's no joke.

Oh I know that is the worst part of it and it doesn't help that when I go in for a simple kiss I get mauled like a face-hugger from aliens!

 

[twilitesparklemotion]

So, GAF, tell me if I'm just oblivious to any signs, or if I'm barking up the wrong tree:

blaaaaaaaaaaah

Jesus, after rereading this post, I'm astounded I've managed to have sex with real, live women before.

Ha. You're overthinking it. Is there any chemistry? If so, next time ask if she wants to cuddle. Move from there. Asking is vastly underused and, in my experience, appreciated.*

Her other plans could have been anything. Even if it was a date, don't worry about it. You're both still in the dating-around phase.

Spoiler

* Jesus Christ, not at clubs.

 

[Minamu]

potam: A single girl wanted to go to a party with you and watch GoT after. And she comes ever closer to you and is okay with your arm basically around her AND wants to come back to watch more with YOU. Those are all signals most likely! Next time just go for it if you have your arm around her again. And I thought I was slow when I had my arm up on the side in a jacuzzi tonight and didn't dare kiss her for like two minutes

doogles: That's it. Next party night I'm asking someone if they want to come home and cuddle! Or maybe right there xD

 

[twilitesparklemotion]

doogles: That's it. Next party night I'm asking someone if they want to come home and cuddle! Or maybe right there xD

Well, you can ask for other stuff, too. potam seems to want to take it slow.

 

[potam]

Well, you can ask for other stuff, too. potam seems to want to take it slow.

Not really, just amazingly bad with women.

 

[Kung Fu Jedi]

Oh I know it's not a long time at all but I guess I have a skewed view on it as for the past 8 years or so whenever I do get to the point of making out it always progresses to sex and it is a shock having a girl initiate making out and grab my crotch on occasion but then panic when I make a move to the next step and then make comments about not ready for relationships, etc. Do you think she equates the act of oral and sex as something mutually exclusive to being in a relationship?

In my experience, more women equate sex of any kind with being in a relationship than guys do. That's not to say that they ALL feel that way, just most that I've known. Also, it is probably more so for her after coming out of a relationship. How long as it been since she's been single? If it has only been a few months, she probably is still figuring these things out. But there is no timetable for this to happen.

In contrast, my girlfriend's best friend ended her six year relationship with her boyfriend back in August. It was the right choice, but now that she's single she's been dating a bit here and there. She had a weekend-long fling with a guy a month or so back that was purely just for the sex and on her own terms. She doesn't have any interest in the guy beyond the physical and isn't sure if she is ready to actually date yet, but she certainly wanted the sex.

Moral of the story, everyone is different. If you like her though, you'll just have to let her go at her own pace. Get use to cold showers.

 

[Minamu]

Well, you can ask for other stuff, too. potam seems to want to take it slow.

Can I have $500 for an xbone?

Edit: Oh man, was I ever in a tight spot a few minutes ago. Battery running short on my phone and had just started getting nudies sent to me from a young mother that I've been talking to all night online and have come to a FWB agreement with as well. But when she didn't get any pictures back due to bad timing, she got all pissy and had a change of heart and said goodbye for good in a bloody psycho heartbeat xD Luckily, her mood came back as I remembered that the chat program tends to save all pictures and I found sonething old to her likings. Crisis averted but now she looks like a complete weirdo. Smells like a one night stand, if even that, now. Most likely anyway due to an at least hourly long train ride every time I'd like to go there.

 

[twilitesparklemotion]

Can I have $500 for an xbone?

No thanks, I'd like to take it slow right now.

Not really, just amazingly bad with women.

How many times have you done this sort of thing before?

 

[NeOak]

Can I have $500 for an xbone?

Dude.

PS4 is where it's at!

 

[Minamu]

No thanks, I'd like to take it slow right now.

Darnit, can I feel your boobs at least? (I wouldn't ask that anywhere)

Spoiler

I just assume it's okay if you're at the clubs xD

Dude.

PS4 is where it's at!

Already got one, was the 8th person to preorder in my town

 

[twilitesparklemotion]

Spoiler

I just assume it's okay if you're at the clubs xD

I've mulled this one around in my head a little (the argument "if she didn't want to get grinded on, why would she be at the club?") All I can supply in opposition is a few anecdotes about friends of mine who just wanted to go dance and didn't want guys to grope them, and it's not something I have to worry about once I realized I don't like clubs.

The best moral question is an avoided moral question.

 

[EviLore]

I've mulled this one around in my head a little (the argument "if she didn't want to get grinded on, why would she be at the club?") All I can supply in opposition is a few anecdotes about friends of mine who just wanted to go dance and didn't want guys to grope them, and it's not something I have to worry about once I realized I don't like clubs.

The best moral question is an avoided moral question.

Just don't talk about it on NeoGAF afterwards!

 

[dochuge]

@dochuge

I agree with what others have said. She might just be relishing the fact that she can kiss you, grab your attention, and so forth. There are always some women out there who are just in it for the ego boost, best thing to do is just ignore them and move on. What should you do with this girl? Seems like you've done all you should. If she wants space, give it to her. Stop proposing hangouts and dates, let her do the work.

I've always believed that the moment one party rejects the invite from another, the onus is on the rejecting party to reach out if they want to. So yeah, just do nothing. If she actually likes you then she'll reach out eventually.

I guess I need to clarify: she's always been horrible at texting. When I asked her out the first time it was a Monday night, she didn't respond until after noon on Tuesday and agreed. She keeps me waiting, constantly. It's almost like she's stuck in a time warp or something. She has also admitted that she doesn't like to text and prefers phone calls. I've never met a woman who didn't like to text. I'm not one to text frequently and texting a woman a lot anyways is a pretty needy thing to do. But reaching out once in a while is ok. Also in her defense she has reached out to me too a few times but it's always one text like "thinking of you". And that's it.

Also when she canceled on me for our 3rd date she did CALL me the next day and told me right away that her plans had changed. She said she didn't want to keep me hanging. She also agreed to get together with me when she gets back but that's going to be after the new year. So I'm looking at roughly mid January to see her again.

She sounds sincere so why is my bullshit detector going off with this one? Something seems well, off about her.

 

[twilitesparklemotion]

I thought you were supposed to post on GAF every time you touched a girl.

 

[Minamu]

I've mulled this one around in my head a little (the argument "if she didn't want to get grinded on, why would she be at the club?") All I can supply in opposition is a few anecdotes about friends of mine who just wanted to go dance and didn't want guys to grope them, and it's not something I have to worry about once I realized I don't like clubs.

The best moral question is an avoided moral question.

Well, it's not like I do it all the time or anything. I pick my battles and if I feel that someone is interested, I might go for it while dancing prior to a kiss. I've never had any complaints, not that that is a good defence obviously I've been lucky in that even taken girls have been okay with it. For some reason, asses seems like a bigger deal. Not sure what's up with that. But it's usually better to beg for forgiveness than ask for permission. That said, I just want to point out that I don't walk around like a zombie, arms raised, going honk honk on girls breasts xD

 

[FO-totality]

Years in review? Okay.

Interned at NASA
Finishing B.S. in Chemistry
Applying to/already accept to some grad programs
Went on a just a couple of dates, all set up through OKC.
Really worked on strengthening personal friendships but still have a long way to go.
Unfortunately still tend to keep people at a distance.
Still really too un-confident to do any sort of cold approach.

Lots of good stuff, lots of stuff to keep working on.

 

[Darklord]

So after really hitting it off with this girl and having a ton in common with interests, music, movies, humour, ect. She even said I made her laugh a lot, I was witty, and cool. I had asked her out for drinks too. Now today it seems she has stopped talking to me for no reason and ignored my messaged(well the 2 I had sent) and now I'm not sure what to think. Maybe she just got bored of me or something. Oh well...

 

[dochuge]

So after really hitting it off with this girl and having a ton in common with interests, music, movies, humour, ect. She even said I made her laugh a lot, I was witty, and cool. I had asked her out for drinks too. Now today it seems she has stopped talking to me for no reason and ignored my messaged(well the 2 I had sent) and now I'm not sure what to think. Maybe she just got bored of me or something. Oh well...

I'm in the same boat. People do get busy, shit comes up, etc. She may be unavailable. Whatever you do, don't text her again today as that comes across as being needy. If that happened to me, I would wait a few days and try again. Do not ask why she didn't respond, totally ignore it. Just be playful, witty, etc. like nothing happened. It could also be that there is another dude in the picture, that happens a lot. Trust me, I feel your pain, it's totally frustrating. Doesn't sound like you've dated this one yet, right? This also happens to people after several dates in when things are looking up which is worse.

 

[Darklord]

I'm in the same boat. People do get busy, shit comes up, etc. She may be unavailable. Whatever you do, don't text her again today as that comes across as being needy. If that happened to me, I would wait a few days and try again. Do not ask why she didn't respond, totally ignore it. Just be playful, witty, etc. like nothing happened. It could also be that there is another dude in the picture, that happens a lot. Trust me, I feel your pain, it's totally frustrating. Doesn't sound like you've dated this one yet, right? This also happens to people after several dates in when things are looking up which is worse.

I had a date set up...now I have no idea if it's on or off or what. I won't text her again, I hope she replies. Maybe I'll message her saying Merry Christmas on the day or message her on fb the day after? I dunno. Why did she have to make it awkward all of a sudden? Now I don't know what to do. If she's not interested anymore just say it. I'd rather be told to fuck off than nothing at all. I know it probably sounds super whingy and nerdy, it's just I don't really get on with many people. I guess I'm picky with who I hang around with and we both seemed just right, better than the last couple I've dated that's for sure.

 

[dochuge]

I had a date set up...now I have no idea if it's on or off or what. I won't text her again, I hope she replies. Maybe I'll message her saying Merry Christmas on the day or message her on fb the day after? I dunno. Why did she have to make it awkward all of a sudden? Now I don't know what to do. If she's not interested anymore just say it. I'd rather be told to fuck off than nothing at all. I know it probably sounds super whingy and nerdy, it's just I don't really get on with many people. I guess I'm picky with who I hang around with and we both seemed just right, better than the last couple I've dated that's for sure.

Yes, wait until xmas eve or xmas day and wish her well. And that's it. If she likes you she will respond, if not, it's time to move on dude. She may wish you the same just to be cordial so don't read any more into it. Don't text her again that day.

People don't like confrontation. It's easier for people to just fade away than to be honest and upfront and say that they've reconsidered dating you. It sucks but that's the way it is. It's the Houdini act and both sexes are guilty of doing it.

My advice: you're fixated on one woman that is bad, like really really bad. If you got out there and were talking to several women right now, who gives a shit what this one is doing? Right? I often didn't want to date other women at the same time because I thought that wouldn't be fair to them. Totally NAIVE. Trust me, women will often date several guys at once and you may or may not be the front runner. You may be her 2nd choice and she's waiting to see what happens with her 1st choice. This happens ALL THE TIME. It's almost like jockeying for position. It's important to present yourself to her that you are up there on her list.

 

[Darklord]

Yes, wait until xmas eve or xmas day and wish her well. And that's it. If she likes you she will respond, if not, it's time to move on dude. She may wish you the same just to be cordial so don't read any more into it. Don't text her again that day.

People don't like confrontation. It's easier for people to just fade away than to be honest and upfront and say that they've reconsidered dating you. It sucks but that's the way it is. It's the Houdini act and both sexes are guilty of doing it.

My advice: you're fixated on one woman that is bad, like really really bad. If you got out there and were talking to several women right now, who gives a shit what this one is doing? Right? I often didn't want to date other women at the same time because I thought that wouldn't be fair to them. Totally NAIVE. Trust me, women will often date several guys at once and you may or may not be the front runner. You may be her 2nd choice and she's waiting to see what happens with her 1st choice. This happens ALL THE TIME. It's almost like jockeying for position. It's important to present yourself to her that you are up there on her list.

Would something like commenting on a fb status being any better? Like a more open thing rather than a direct message? Also, I'd date several women if I could...it just doesn't seem to happen that way with me. I'm coming out of a serious thing that ended badly and has really fucked me up the last few months. I don't feel ready to start dating several anyway, I feel wary of even one but we get along so well I took the chance.