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Dating-Age |OT4| Realise You're Living in the Golden Years
- Thread starter Minamu
- Start date
- Status
Yeah, I find it a bit weird to lead too if I'm not comfortable with the position because I feel like it's going to end up just being me fumbling around trying to find what doesn't hurt instead of focusing on what feels good for the other person. Plus, there's like that mental block of doing something that hurts, which they other person doesn't quite have, so they're wiling to go at it a bit more roughly which can be good!
And eh, it's not too weird. Girls are taught to hate their sexuality, their genitals, and masturbation is usually talked about as a guy-only thing. You can introduce it as something you two do together. As for the size of the dildo, I say get something that's close to your own girth.
Solideliquid
Member
He's broken her door down, broken her things, he's threatened to come get his son from our house with the police in the middle of the night, he shows up to pick up his son and tells us that my step daughter is a bitch and calls her other crazy things. He's given her an STD, he's shown up telling us "yeah she's not at work she's just telling you that" and "last Thursday she blew me" which is really what I want to know about my step daughter. They are both 22. She can see who she damn well pleases. But she's living in my house and I have a choice about who I want to associate with and whom I don't.
PlayALLtheGames
Banned
Welcome to relationships. I once went out with a girl for 4 years and she had serious conversations with me about marriage and was constantly all over me. Then, within a couple of months, she started acting like she lost all interest and I did us both a favor and dumped her. Literally went from being a perfect relationship to over in a flash.
Shit makes no sense but you learn from the experience and try again with someone else.
Like I said, based on what you've told me, I'd lean towards it being over, and I would strongly recommend you start accepting that now, but of course it doesn't mean you can't have any hope that it may be rekindled once she gets over her trying time. My last bit of advice on this is not to push. When a girl says she wants a break, for whatever reason, the worst thing you can do is start asking things like "what did I do wrong?" "how can we make this better?" and shit like that, especially if she really is having a hard time with her friend moving away; that'll just compound things for her.
Let her be and maybe things will work themselves out. Good luck
NeOak
Member
Buddy:
Be aware that your friend likes you for what you are and hasn't kept secrets from you like your girlfriend did.
I'm surprised you went back to your gf, but I know love can allow you to forgive.
I hope you know what you turned down when you went back though. I hope your gf doesn't do shit that makes you regret forgiving her.
Thanks for the input guys and sorry for the late reply since I was at work, but I'd like to point this out:
I'm really grateful for her always being there and for making me feel better about myself, because I felt rejected by my girlfriend (before I knew why she dumped me) and knowing that I can be attractive to someone else boosted my self esteem.
We're doing slow and steady, though eventually I want to know why she thought that dumping me was the best course of action, I can't blame her because I'm not perfect as well, but I told her that if she can't trust me with that kind of issues, we are going to have problems later down the road. But I love her, and that was the main reason I got with her.
I didn't turn anything down because I have no feelings other than a deep friendship over the years towards my friend, she was the first one to point out that she didn't want to start a relationship with me or whatever because we're better as friends as we would be as a couple and like I said, she's glad I'm back with my girlfriend.
I'm really grateful for her always being there and for making me feel better about myself, because I felt rejected by my girlfriend (before I knew why she dumped me) and knowing that I can be attractive to someone else boosted my self esteem.
We're doing slow and steady, though eventually I want to know why she thought that dumping me was the best course of action, I can't blame her because I'm not perfect as well, but I told her that if she can't trust me with that kind of issues, we are going to have problems later down the road. But I love her, and that was the main reason I got with her.
Holy fucking shit, what an asshole.
I'm not sure what's with this girl I'm chatting too. We talk every day and she even send a photo of herself just for me today saying "good morning!". The thing is she pretty much ignores my flirting and date hints but at the same time, she doesn't act negatively towards them either. Though I did ask if she wanted to get some drinks at night but found out she doesn't drink alcohol so maybe she was weird about that or embarrassed? She also doesn't like going out to big things, she's a very relax with a friend or two or go to the movies/play a game instead of going out to clubs kind of girl. So maybe she's just shy or introverted and not good with it? I just can't get a reading on her.
She did say she has nothing planned for new years so maybe I should ask her out to lunch or maybe go to a movie? I'd normally avoid movies but she's a huge movie buff so it might be her style.
smells like a guy playing people on dating sites. If this is OKC, I wouldn't mind give a look at the profile.
twilitesparklemotion
Member
(As you certainly know) you want to try to keep the relationship with your step-daughter, but otherwise, I think you're definitely making the right call.
Ding.
Nope. I'm friends/on good terms with all but one of my exes and I'm dating one of them. I love exes.
PflargBlarg
Member
Definitely the skating rink. Being shitty at stuff together is great. It doesn't even matter if she's good at skating. As I've said before, would you mind if a girl that asked you out was bad at skating? Of course you wouldn't. So she won't either unless she's not cool, in which case you wouldn't want to hang out with her any way. No problems!
Yeah, sounds your wife is very right in being angry at you! xD /sarcasm
I assume your wife knows all of this. Granted, she probably doesn't want her daughter to be a single mom, and it's obvious that she's being defensive because it's her daughter, but still, that doesn't sound like a smart kid to hang around. Dumb idea to get pregnant with such a loser as well, but hey, what can you do? I think we'd all agree that you're in the right here, there's just no debating that imho, but at the same time we're talking about your wife's daughter. She might be willing to play by a different set of rules because of that and maybe you need to be slightly more understanding of that, to a limit. I'd totally understand if you've already reached your limit though, of course. The question is, is it worth the risk of breaking up with your wife over this dude?
Thread began with this song, so I guess it's come full circle.
Better than braces at 30.
grap3fruitman
Banned
I wish I was dead. But I'm too much of a coward to do the deed myself. =/
AdventureRacing
Member
It might feel that way right now but i'm sure you don't want that, nobody else does either. Don't let shit like this get you down, this girl might have stopped messaging but it doesn't make you worthless and you will get more chances. Make sure you get yourself some help if you're really going to do something, the mental health thread is always there if you're looking for someone on GAF.
Having been there myself, I'm sorry, I know it hurts, it does get better, professional help is a tremendous help as well
twilitesparklemotion
Member
Good luck to both of you.
PlayALLtheGames
Banned
Invisalign.
Well my ex-girlfriend is back from studying abroad and it's really depressing me. I feel like the only reason we broke up was because she left and neither of us really wanted to try a long distance relationship. We kept in touch for a while but as time went on she got too busy to chat (what she has said anyway) and we didn't talk as much as I wanted to.
So now she is back home and I really want to see her but I feel like she doesn't want anything to do with me.
So now she is back home and I really want to see her but I feel like she doesn't want anything to do with me.
invisalign if your teeth arent too crooked. Im supposed to get some to before I turn 30 so yeah, we might lose them in the long run. Bring on the train rails doc!
Do it sooner rather than later.
PflargBlarg
Member
I've got invisalign right now, I'm 25. Pretty sweet shit, and they're almost done.
hydrophilic attack
Member
Everyone was doing year-in-review posts a few pages back so I thought I should make one as well. Some background: I am a bit shy, slightly socially awkward, have some self-esteem issues and am not in good physical shape (skinny, no muscles at all). I have been working on those during the last year and am doing slightly better on all of them now than before. When the year started I was a 24-year old virgin and thought I would never get with anyone and had never kissed a girl. At the end of the year I'm a 25-year old virgin, but at least I made out with a pretty girl and am feeling quite a bit more hopeful about my future.
So the first half of the year was quite uneventful. I was working at a university abroad and had a very good time. I sang in a really good choir during that time and tried a new sport. I had gotten a bit overweight in 2013 but managed to lose that thanks to living about 25 minutes walking distance from where I was working, which helped me get some well-needed exercise. I had quite a good social life over there but couldn't get anywhere with any girls at all.
So the second half of the year I moved back to my own country and this is when I have had some progress. I was flirting at different points with three different women, but nothing came from it in any of the cases. It's still three more than 2012 and 2011.
I'm not sure about the first one whether she was flirting with me or not. She probably was, and was probably coming on to me pretty strong. If you agree with this, feel free to point and laugh at this story, as I failed quite spectacularly. Anyway, I was abroad on a course through my new job. The course had participants from all over the world. Every night there were different social events. On the last night we were having a bbq at a restaurant in the town. One of the girls in the course, who I had talked it bit with asked if she could sit by me. I didn't think anything of it since there were too few spaces to sit and this was one of the only free ones. It was a girl from South America. Anyway, we chatted quite a bit and after dinner I headed with her and two Russian girls to a latino music dance place nearby. The place kind of sucked and there was almost no one else there, but we had a quite a bit of fun. Anyway, the latina girl insisted on teaching me how to dance. I kind of sucked at it but she was sweet and said I was one of her better students. And she encouraged me to come closer during the dance and so on. When we walked home afterwards on some cobbled streets she held onto me. Said she couldn't walk properly on the cobbled streets in her high heels. This was probably true, but still. When we came back to the dorms she asked me which room was mine. Yeah. Anyway, I had a feeling through all of the night that she was coming on to me. But my self esteem was kind of low so I kept second-guessing myself and didn't make any sort of move at all. I should have done some touching or something to see if she reciprocated. Stupidly, before going on the trip I hadn't packed any condoms and that along with my lack of experience made me hold back. Also, the mood had kind of been killed on the way home, because we missed the last train home and had to take a taxi. And that trip was very awkward because the two Russian girls thought it was too expensive and were convinced that the driver was trying to swindle us and proceeded to argue with him. Furthermore, I'm not sure I am entirely comfortable with the one-night-stand thing. Anyway, I never saw her again. If she was indeed coming onto me, I feel really stupid and sorry for not making a move. She probably thought there was something wrong with herself when she gave me all those hints and I couldn't make a move at all. At least lesson learned: always bring condoms, lol.
The second girl I met a week later on a conference dinner abroad. A cute asian girl. I had met her earlier in the day during the conference, and she made it very obvious then that she wanted to speak and flirt with me. Anyway, I sought her out during the pre-dinner mingle and proceeded to spend the rest of the conference dinner with her and one of her friends, like sort of an impromptu date. So we had quite a fun discussion going on, but I felt she was getting a bit bored toward the end (and I feel really sorry for her friend who was a bit neglected by both of us throughout the night). Again, I made a mistake here by not being aggressive. I was too much of a gentleman. I should have gotten some playful touches in during the discussion, and so on. After the dinner, we considered going somewhere else, but the logistics didn't quite work out. This was the last night of the conference and she was leaving early the next day. She lived at a hotel in another part of town and, well we had to cut the night short, even if both of us were reluctant to do so. We added each other on WhatApp and are still sending some messages now and again, text flirting a bit. She works in another country in Europe so nothing will come of this. Anyway, she came to do some touristing in my country, probably meaning to meet up with me, but I was away that weekend
She has said that she wants to come visit another time though and asked if she could have sofa space at my place if she does. If she does come visit, I'll be sure to make some moves.
Once I got home from this trip with two girls flirting with me, my self-esteem was in a much better place, even if I failed miserably on getting somewhere on both occasions. I started noticing that more girls seemed interested in me, and I'd usually be able to get at least one flirty smile in passing from very pretty girl per week, just going about my daily life.
The third girl I have already posted about ITT. To summarize: Pretty girl flirts with me very obviously (long eye contact, cute smiles) on the bus, I fail to make a move, then meet her again on the bus a week later and ask for her number. We go on two dates that go fairly well. I could feel a lot of physical attraction, but maybe not so much chemistry. Learning from my mistakes with the other girls, I made sure to be a lot more physical on these dates. On the first date, a lot of walking very close to each other and "accidental" touching, but I failed to go for a kiss. On the second, we walked with our arms around each other and made out first on the street and then on the bus. I'm probably not very good at kissing and it was a bit awkward at first, but she seemed to enjoy it. She goes abroad for two weeks and doesn't want to speak with me at all after she gets home. Before she went away, but after the second date, she still seemed interested, and even sent me a picture of her looking very pretty in her Halloween outfit. I'm not sure what happened but have moved on since then, even though I still secretly hope to meet her on the bus again. I really should let go of any such thoughts because I'm pretty sure she will not become interested again, and I should focus my energy on other things. I feel a bit bummed out that she would just stop talking to me, without saying anything. Made me feel like I had done something to make her hate my guts, or that she had only pretended to enjoy the dates. But, after reading on the last few pages ITT about girls who keep stringing fellow GAFfers along when they are not interested anymore, maybe I should be thankful that she is at least sending a very clear message. Still, I would have preferred if she would have told me something to my face, but I guess most people are too afraid of awkwardness to do that, even if it would be by far the kindest thing to do.
Anyway, after this girl, I haven't really had anything going on. I have been in a bit of a rut feeling a bit down. And haven't had any more flirty glances from people I randomly run into from day to day. There were three different girls at work (at another division) that seemed interested, but for two of them I either imagined it, they grew tired because I didn't make a move, or they had never intended to flirt, just to be friendly; anyway, they have both been noticeably colder lately. The third one was weird. I was taking a course with her. On the first day of the course she seemed to show a bit of interest, then no interest at all, then a few weeks later was flirting very openly with me one day only (but she left early that day so I didn't have a chance to talk to her) and after that she barely looked at me. Anyway, while she was very pretty, I don't think we would be compatible at all, from what I know about her personality, so it is probably for the better.
I bought a gym membership this fall and have started working out, which will hopefully improve my looks and my confidence. I got a PT to make a routine for me. I haven't really seen any results yet but I will keep at it. I should probably try out a dating website next year. While it didn't really lead anywhere, I quite enjoyed going on dates with the girl I met on the bus (have never really dated before) and want to do more of it. But I've heard it can be quite soul crushing for guys as you can send out dozens of messages without getting a reply. Also, I guess looking good in pictures is important? That's bad news for me, because I always look terrible in photos.
Anyway, all in all, a pretty good year
Edit: Wow that's quite a wall of text. Sorry guys :/
So the first half of the year was quite uneventful. I was working at a university abroad and had a very good time. I sang in a really good choir during that time and tried a new sport. I had gotten a bit overweight in 2013 but managed to lose that thanks to living about 25 minutes walking distance from where I was working, which helped me get some well-needed exercise. I had quite a good social life over there but couldn't get anywhere with any girls at all.
So the second half of the year I moved back to my own country and this is when I have had some progress. I was flirting at different points with three different women, but nothing came from it in any of the cases. It's still three more than 2012 and 2011.
I'm not sure about the first one whether she was flirting with me or not. She probably was, and was probably coming on to me pretty strong. If you agree with this, feel free to point and laugh at this story, as I failed quite spectacularly. Anyway, I was abroad on a course through my new job. The course had participants from all over the world. Every night there were different social events. On the last night we were having a bbq at a restaurant in the town. One of the girls in the course, who I had talked it bit with asked if she could sit by me. I didn't think anything of it since there were too few spaces to sit and this was one of the only free ones. It was a girl from South America. Anyway, we chatted quite a bit and after dinner I headed with her and two Russian girls to a latino music dance place nearby. The place kind of sucked and there was almost no one else there, but we had a quite a bit of fun. Anyway, the latina girl insisted on teaching me how to dance. I kind of sucked at it but she was sweet and said I was one of her better students. And she encouraged me to come closer during the dance and so on. When we walked home afterwards on some cobbled streets she held onto me. Said she couldn't walk properly on the cobbled streets in her high heels. This was probably true, but still. When we came back to the dorms she asked me which room was mine. Yeah. Anyway, I had a feeling through all of the night that she was coming on to me. But my self esteem was kind of low so I kept second-guessing myself and didn't make any sort of move at all. I should have done some touching or something to see if she reciprocated. Stupidly, before going on the trip I hadn't packed any condoms and that along with my lack of experience made me hold back. Also, the mood had kind of been killed on the way home, because we missed the last train home and had to take a taxi. And that trip was very awkward because the two Russian girls thought it was too expensive and were convinced that the driver was trying to swindle us and proceeded to argue with him. Furthermore, I'm not sure I am entirely comfortable with the one-night-stand thing. Anyway, I never saw her again. If she was indeed coming onto me, I feel really stupid and sorry for not making a move. She probably thought there was something wrong with herself when she gave me all those hints and I couldn't make a move at all. At least lesson learned: always bring condoms, lol.
The second girl I met a week later on a conference dinner abroad. A cute asian girl. I had met her earlier in the day during the conference, and she made it very obvious then that she wanted to speak and flirt with me. Anyway, I sought her out during the pre-dinner mingle and proceeded to spend the rest of the conference dinner with her and one of her friends, like sort of an impromptu date. So we had quite a fun discussion going on, but I felt she was getting a bit bored toward the end (and I feel really sorry for her friend who was a bit neglected by both of us throughout the night). Again, I made a mistake here by not being aggressive. I was too much of a gentleman. I should have gotten some playful touches in during the discussion, and so on. After the dinner, we considered going somewhere else, but the logistics didn't quite work out. This was the last night of the conference and she was leaving early the next day. She lived at a hotel in another part of town and, well we had to cut the night short, even if both of us were reluctant to do so. We added each other on WhatApp and are still sending some messages now and again, text flirting a bit. She works in another country in Europe so nothing will come of this. Anyway, she came to do some touristing in my country, probably meaning to meet up with me, but I was away that weekend
She has said that she wants to come visit another time though and asked if she could have sofa space at my place if she does. If she does come visit, I'll be sure to make some moves.Once I got home from this trip with two girls flirting with me, my self-esteem was in a much better place, even if I failed miserably on getting somewhere on both occasions. I started noticing that more girls seemed interested in me, and I'd usually be able to get at least one flirty smile in passing from very pretty girl per week, just going about my daily life.
The third girl I have already posted about ITT. To summarize: Pretty girl flirts with me very obviously (long eye contact, cute smiles) on the bus, I fail to make a move, then meet her again on the bus a week later and ask for her number. We go on two dates that go fairly well. I could feel a lot of physical attraction, but maybe not so much chemistry. Learning from my mistakes with the other girls, I made sure to be a lot more physical on these dates. On the first date, a lot of walking very close to each other and "accidental" touching, but I failed to go for a kiss. On the second, we walked with our arms around each other and made out first on the street and then on the bus. I'm probably not very good at kissing and it was a bit awkward at first, but she seemed to enjoy it. She goes abroad for two weeks and doesn't want to speak with me at all after she gets home. Before she went away, but after the second date, she still seemed interested, and even sent me a picture of her looking very pretty in her Halloween outfit. I'm not sure what happened but have moved on since then, even though I still secretly hope to meet her on the bus again. I really should let go of any such thoughts because I'm pretty sure she will not become interested again, and I should focus my energy on other things. I feel a bit bummed out that she would just stop talking to me, without saying anything. Made me feel like I had done something to make her hate my guts, or that she had only pretended to enjoy the dates. But, after reading on the last few pages ITT about girls who keep stringing fellow GAFfers along when they are not interested anymore, maybe I should be thankful that she is at least sending a very clear message. Still, I would have preferred if she would have told me something to my face, but I guess most people are too afraid of awkwardness to do that, even if it would be by far the kindest thing to do.
Anyway, after this girl, I haven't really had anything going on. I have been in a bit of a rut feeling a bit down. And haven't had any more flirty glances from people I randomly run into from day to day. There were three different girls at work (at another division) that seemed interested, but for two of them I either imagined it, they grew tired because I didn't make a move, or they had never intended to flirt, just to be friendly; anyway, they have both been noticeably colder lately. The third one was weird. I was taking a course with her. On the first day of the course she seemed to show a bit of interest, then no interest at all, then a few weeks later was flirting very openly with me one day only (but she left early that day so I didn't have a chance to talk to her) and after that she barely looked at me. Anyway, while she was very pretty, I don't think we would be compatible at all, from what I know about her personality, so it is probably for the better.
I bought a gym membership this fall and have started working out, which will hopefully improve my looks and my confidence. I got a PT to make a routine for me. I haven't really seen any results yet but I will keep at it. I should probably try out a dating website next year. While it didn't really lead anywhere, I quite enjoyed going on dates with the girl I met on the bus (have never really dated before) and want to do more of it. But I've heard it can be quite soul crushing for guys as you can send out dozens of messages without getting a reply. Also, I guess looking good in pictures is important? That's bad news for me, because I always look terrible in photos.
Anyway, all in all, a pretty good year
Edit: Wow that's quite a wall of text. Sorry guys :/
Are they on your legs?
I've finally found some closure within myself. I've spent all break working myself over what will happen with my situation. Long story short: Me and her are casually dating, she starts also casually dating someone else (with my knowledge and approval since I'm not trying to force anyone into a relationship) she spends more and more time with him and less with me, she then tells me that she's "getting serious about him" the week before break. I tell her that I'm not interested in just being friends, but if things don't work out, she could always give me a call. I start giving her less time and affection, she makes eyes at me and always seems to want more, etc. She reaches out to me twice in two weeks, once to see how I was handling things, the next week (we're officially on break now) to ask me to get coffee. I politely explain that I don't think we should hang out as friends, but if she changes her mind or things don't work out, my door is open, otherwise I'm moving on. She comes off as totally indecisive between me and the other guy who she claims she feels like she was "destined to meet before it even happened", I tell her what I want from her and she claims to want the same things and then ends the conversation by saying she's not going to come to a conclusion any time soon and that she'll see me at school. I tell her to give me a call if she changes her mind, but that I have to move on if she's going to get serious with someone else. Then...silence from both of us for the duration of break (I had a small makeout session at a nightclub while on vacation, but nothing serious), but break ends in four days, and I know we'll be seeing each other at school since it's a tiny 1200 person college and she lives in my dorm.
I guess I'm just worried about how things will go. Will she still have the attraction for me that drove her to reach out to me? Will she still feel the same way about him? What will her attraction for him be like? I decided that I did everything that I could. The cake is in the oven, and it's baking, and that it's pointless to sit around the kitchen panicking and biting my nails and checking every five minutes to see if it's done. So, based on the evidence I have (her not reaching out to me all month, etc.) I have to close this case file and put it on the shelf. If she adds any extra evidence while we're at school, awesome, but it's not worth being fixated on her. The cake will come out however it comes out, and it isn't healthy to wait around like a little puppy awaiting her actions when I could be out having an awesome time and meeting cool people.
Edit: Also, the earlier one gets braces, the better. They'll only make you feel better about your appearance when they're off.
I guess I'm just worried about how things will go. Will she still have the attraction for me that drove her to reach out to me? Will she still feel the same way about him? What will her attraction for him be like? I decided that I did everything that I could. The cake is in the oven, and it's baking, and that it's pointless to sit around the kitchen panicking and biting my nails and checking every five minutes to see if it's done. So, based on the evidence I have (her not reaching out to me all month, etc.) I have to close this case file and put it on the shelf. If she adds any extra evidence while we're at school, awesome, but it's not worth being fixated on her. The cake will come out however it comes out, and it isn't healthy to wait around like a little puppy awaiting her actions when I could be out having an awesome time and meeting cool people.
Edit: Also, the earlier one gets braces, the better. They'll only make you feel better about your appearance when they're off.
NeOak
Member
No. Yes. Same.
You'll only know in about a week after break is over, so take it easy and play it casual. If she sees you and says hi, say hi back
I have been delaying the braces thing because I don't want the cheap and shitty, 3-years, metal braces.
There's this Damon braces thing that my dentist mentioned; they're somewhat expensive but if they can get the done job quick, I'm up for it. Anyone knows anything about those?
There's this Damon braces thing that my dentist mentioned; they're somewhat expensive but if they can get the done job quick, I'm up for it. Anyone knows anything about those?
DentalGAF stealth thread.
Anoregon
The flight plan I just filed with the agency list me, my men, Dr. Pavel here. But only one of you!
Hi dategaf. I've never posted in this thread because I've never had a reason to. It had been years since I've had any significant romantic/sexual connection with a lady, and I am enough of an introvert that I would rarely go out and do anything about it. Hell, until recently I was a 28 year old virgin. Don't get me wrong, I had hookups in college and a few after, but nothing that amounted to much and other circumstances in my life led me to stop really seeking that sort of thing out. But that all changed recently, and honestly it all basically fell into my lap.
I reconnected with someone on facebook that I knew years ago, and eventually that connection became more than friendly. It was actually her that made the first move and admitted she had feelings for me. Of course I reciprocated, because beyond her being smart and having a wonderfully fun,devious sense of humor, she is absolutely fucking stunningly gorgeous. We made plans for her to visit me on her way home for the holidays, and thinks went... very well (I said I used to be a virgin, after all). I can't wait to see her again (unfortunately, we have a ~150 mile distance), and the whole thing is just so alien and unreal to me that I frequently find myself stunned that the situation is actually happening. I had never really felt like a particularly desirable, impressive person, but now this ridiculous, magnificent woman is intensely attracted to me and regularly makes it clear how she feels about me.
I'm not really sure what I'm trying to convey/accomplish with this post, other than to say that sometimes good things just happen out of nowhere. I don't want to say that I had given up hope, but it had been a really long time since I had that feeling of really liking someone and thinking that maybe they feel the same way. So long that it was pretty much a memory of a memory and I couldn't even recall what it felt like. But out of nowhere I found it again, and there's a new spark in what has been an otherwise pretty mundane, passionless existence. I'm already kind of worried that the other shoe is going to drop eventually, but for now I'm just riding the high and allowing myself to be happy with allowing something to happen that was totally unexpected.
I reconnected with someone on facebook that I knew years ago, and eventually that connection became more than friendly. It was actually her that made the first move and admitted she had feelings for me. Of course I reciprocated, because beyond her being smart and having a wonderfully fun,devious sense of humor, she is absolutely fucking stunningly gorgeous. We made plans for her to visit me on her way home for the holidays, and thinks went... very well (I said I used to be a virgin, after all). I can't wait to see her again (unfortunately, we have a ~150 mile distance), and the whole thing is just so alien and unreal to me that I frequently find myself stunned that the situation is actually happening. I had never really felt like a particularly desirable, impressive person, but now this ridiculous, magnificent woman is intensely attracted to me and regularly makes it clear how she feels about me.
I'm not really sure what I'm trying to convey/accomplish with this post, other than to say that sometimes good things just happen out of nowhere. I don't want to say that I had given up hope, but it had been a really long time since I had that feeling of really liking someone and thinking that maybe they feel the same way. So long that it was pretty much a memory of a memory and I couldn't even recall what it felt like. But out of nowhere I found it again, and there's a new spark in what has been an otherwise pretty mundane, passionless existence. I'm already kind of worried that the other shoe is going to drop eventually, but for now I'm just riding the high and allowing myself to be happy with allowing something to happen that was totally unexpected.
Can you expand on those a little? I'm sorry, I'm still a bit vulnerable on all of this.
So I shouldn't be asking myself these questions, right? I should just act like she's any other person and see what happens rather than coming in with all of these notions and expectations. Basically, don't overthink things, yeah?
twilitesparklemotion
Member
Dating-Age |OT5| Don't Overthink Things
beat
Member
My two cents: I'm not always on the fatalistic "don't stick your neck out any more" side, but in this case I think she knows what you want and I kinda don't think you're going to win her over with some grand action. Like you said, it sounds like you've done everything reasonable already. And definitely like you said, the cake's not gonna get done any faster if you worry about it.
But yeah, I broadly agree with NeOak. Assume she'll be thinking exactly like how you last saw her. What even would have changed for her over the holiday break aside from having a little distance from everyone? Yeah, she might have cooled down about the other guy, but that might well flare up as soon as she sees him again.
The Artful Dodger
Member
A Crown of Sonnets
I guess you're right. Nothing really should've changed. I'm just trying to avoid reality to salvage my ego or so that I can have the illusion of action. Thanks for all of your help, everybody. Haha, overthinking things is kind of a hallmark of mine. It always leads to me psyching myself out. It's definitely something I need to work on.
The girl I'm dating has so many friends and most of them are guys. On the other hand I'm already at the stage in my life where I only need a handful of friends. She was really into me but lately I've been receiving a cold reception. I asked her what's up and she told me the holiday season makes her slightly depressed. My first thought was to give the girl some space and let her do her own things. I'm not as outgoing as she is so most of the time she goes out with her friends. Now I feel like I should've done more...dammit.
Today I invited her to a new years eve party, I hope she's able to go. If she has other plans then I have a better idea on where our friendship stands.
Today I invited her to a new years eve party, I hope she's able to go. If she has other plans then I have a better idea on where our friendship stands.
Her being slightly depressed by the holiday season might have nothing to do with you. Whatsoever. So I'd say just keep on keeping and don't worry about it.
And I'm in a bit of a conundrum. My best friend and his girlfriend moved really close to me about eight months ago. I've known him my entire life, and her for about two years now. We all get along really great, and I eat at their place once in every two weeks or so. About two months ago her sister came back to Holland, after half a year in Uganda. Every once in a while she joined us for a play, or dinner or whatever. Every time I left I thought to myself, wow she's pretty cool. But also the sister of my best friends girlfriend.
So two days ago, on the evening of second Christmas day she was gonna spend the night at my friends and his girlfriends place. I was there with my father and a couple of other people. She turned up, and we ended up talking for about an hour. And again, it was pretty cool. She did some salsa when she was away, and asked me if I knew if there was a good place to dance here in Amsterdam. And there's a party coming up in about two weeks.
So, I don't really know what to do. On the one hand I like doing nice things with nice people, like salsadancing with someone I get along with fine. And I know both my best friend and his girlfriend wouldn't mind if I asked her to go dancing one day. Quite the opposite, they'd probably encourage it. And it would be just dancing.
On the other hand. I usually only ask people I get along with really well, and I tend to get interested in women I get along with really well. And there's no doubt in my mind that if she wasn't the sister of... I'd ask her out on a date. I mean, we go together great, she's handsome, funny, intelligent, athletic. (please somebody pick up on the exaggeration)
So nobody would mind, and I'm sure I can keep it completely platonic if I wanted to, and it would be fun. But I'm still kind of torn.
twilitesparklemotion
Member
So what's the problem here?
Howard Ballou
Member
Marry her and (maybe) become Best Bros with your best friend!
Or just, y'know, ask her to hang out and see what happens.
Well I don't know what's going on (not that I ever did).
So Thursday I meet up with that girl at the park and we take a walk. I explain to her that I'm getting confused by what she's saying, and ask her exactly how she feels. She gives me the same story, she has feelings for me but she doesn't feel right about ditching the other dude. No real progress made.
She calls me up about an hour or so later, saying she's doing something near me and wants to know if she can stop by later that night. I say sure. Fast forward a few hours and the sexual tension is so think you can't breathe. She says she needs to go, we end up making out, she says she needs to go again, we end up having sex. And then again in the morning. She had a good time, I had a good time, so I thought we were all good.
Then Friday she seemed a little more distant, but she had work during the day and then was going out with someone later that night, so I didn't think too much of it. Same thing this morning, so I asked her to call. Now she's telling me she feels bad about the other night, and she knows she can't control herself around me so she wants to give herself time to cool off before we hang out again. And then on the other hand she still doesn't seem sure on the other guy, but won't give me a straight answer about it.
So now I figure it's time for me to just move on, but it sucks because this girl is really cool and I'm actually into her. I'm just going to buy a fucking OR and a waifu sex simulator. Fuck this shit.
So Thursday I meet up with that girl at the park and we take a walk. I explain to her that I'm getting confused by what she's saying, and ask her exactly how she feels. She gives me the same story, she has feelings for me but she doesn't feel right about ditching the other dude. No real progress made.
She calls me up about an hour or so later, saying she's doing something near me and wants to know if she can stop by later that night. I say sure. Fast forward a few hours and the sexual tension is so think you can't breathe. She says she needs to go, we end up making out, she says she needs to go again, we end up having sex. And then again in the morning. She had a good time, I had a good time, so I thought we were all good.
Then Friday she seemed a little more distant, but she had work during the day and then was going out with someone later that night, so I didn't think too much of it. Same thing this morning, so I asked her to call. Now she's telling me she feels bad about the other night, and she knows she can't control herself around me so she wants to give herself time to cool off before we hang out again. And then on the other hand she still doesn't seem sure on the other guy, but won't give me a straight answer about it.
So now I figure it's time for me to just move on, but it sucks because this girl is really cool and I'm actually into her. I'm just going to buy a fucking OR and a waifu sex simulator. Fuck this shit.
PflargBlarg
Member
I'm completely baffled as to what the problem is here. Her being the sister of your best friends girlfriend seems completely irrelevant.
For the love of god do not sabotage yourself for no reason. Ask her out or I'll be very upset.
Is that how I upgrade from BFF to the ultimate Best Bros status? Seems like a good idea. And a perfect way to deal with busy Christmas schedules.
Well...yeah it's sort of kind of irrelevant. But he's like my brother (though not really), so that would make his girlfriend also sort of family (though even less really). And HER sister also kind of sort of family. Hm. I'm not overthinking too much, am I? Btw, my male roommate said: "Well, it's a bit weird, but not really." And my female roommate said: "Go for it, that's soooo romantic!"
Anyway, I wouldn't want to upset you too much. So salsainvitation sent via facebook, and salsainvitation also accepted.
The Artful Dodger
Member
Hang out with pals you really haven't talked to but wanted to, pick up new hobbies, revisit some old ones.
Life goes on, sometimes it sucks and doesn't feel like it is, but just kinda accept what happened and do your best to move on.
If that can soothe your mind my uncle and aunt on my mother's side married a brother and sister.
In fact she can put a good word in for you.
beat
Member
You were overthinking it so much I half suspected you subconsciously wanted to be talked out of dating her. Essentially what I read out of your previous message was "there's no problems here and no one would feel weird about it except me, so should I do it?"
PlayALLtheGames
Banned
Weird situation, for sure. Hey, at least you got to tap it. Getting involved with a chick who already has a guy is messy. Hopefully she will get over that and then you guys can pursue something.
That's awesome; that feeling when someone is really attracted to you and lets you know is unmatched.
~150 miles is not that bad; hope it works out for you.
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