Mental Health |OT| Depression & Co.

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Hey guys.

So uhh, the last few days have been kinda really rough for me. I feel demotivated, stupid, sad, without any self-esteem and even fucking ugly...

I had quite the terrible year, mostly jobless, broke, failed to get back into school. I don't really know what to do with my life and I have the feeling that I failed for good at only 23... Also, I've been living with my mom for a year and a half after having to come back home from my own place in another town because of debt, and despite having nothing against her, living with is pretty difficult, lots of conflict and all.

When I went back home in August 2012, I broke up with my girlfriend of 2 years then, because I didn't want a long-distance relationship. But I still had some feeling for her, and so when she told me that she's going to study in Paris, close to me, we went back together last summer. Sadly, it didn't last long. She cheated on me, and despite trying to get over it, she blanked me completly for weeks, with just a vague breaking up text.
I was just a bit pissed with her, but I assumed she had a "good" reason. I wasn't the perfect bf. Often depressed, jobless, broke, and I always was pretty coy about my feelings for her. However, I recently found that she was back with her ex. This guy basically destroyed a few years ago, and she always told me I was far better than him.
When I learned that, I felt so fucking humiliated. I felt worthless. To me it's basically saying that I'm worse than a guy that manipulated her and made her felt almost suicidal at some point. Okay, he's better looking and "cooler" than me, but still...
I'm trying to refrain myself to contact her and ask her why and making her aware of how terrible I feel because of her, but I think it's going to backfire pretty hard...

Then there is another girl... We met last year, and had a one-night stand. However she told me that she was with another guy, living far away. I just thought that it was some guy she had an unrealistic crush on. And we started to see each other a lot. She is by far the cutest and smartest girl I know (and we have a pretty strong sexual chemistry) so I ended up having feelings for her. But one night, she arrived at the bar I was with the "other guy". That broke me pretty hard, and I pretty much stormed out of the bar, really drunk. As some of our mutual friend were here, It created a bit of drama and we were a bit mad at each ofter for a few weeks. Fast forward a few months later, her "boyfriend" married another girl behind her back. So one night, she calls me pretty drunk, and start to apologise to me. We talk about it and make a mend about everything that happend, but also, we end up having a few casual hook-ups, but they were not really just sex, there was a lot of affection. She tells me that she don't want a relationship, because of what happend with her ex bf. I said that I understood and that I won't hope for more.
But I am a really stupid guy, and now I have really strong feelings for her again, and I'm super afraid that she'll get a new bf and that I was just there for a "booty call" for her.

So yeah, the worst thing, is that despite having a shitload of more important problems, it's relationship stuff that is driving me down the most. I have a pretty weird affection need. I have trouble being frank about what's wrong with me with friends and families. My ex gf was probably the only person that always knew when I was depressed.
Relationships to me are kind of the best shield against all of the other shit I have to deal with. But now, feeling really lonely and afraid of not finding another one, I feel even worse.

Like I said I don't want to bother my family with it, 'cause they all have worst thing to deal with, and also I'm super shy about my own life with them. As for my friends...Well they kinda know that I feel like shit, but I feel like they don't really care...

But so yeah, it's mostly shallow stuff, but it makes my money/job/school problems/anxiety resonate even more. It's been 4 days and I feel like a total mess. I can't sleep right, I'm often on the brink of tearing up, some thoughts just shatter me pretty violently.

I don't expect much help actually, but I thought talking about it on a more "neutral ground" might help me feel a bit better.

(If there are some grammar mistakes, sorry, English isn't my first language)
 
Pacbois said:
Hey guys.

So uhh, the last few days have been kinda really rough for me. I feel demotivated, stupid, sad, without any self-esteem and even fucking ugly...

I had quite the terrible year, mostly jobless, broke, failed to get back into school. I don't really know what to do with my life and I have the feeling that I failed for good at only 23... Also, I've been living with my mom for a year and a half after having to come back home from my own place in another town because of debt, and despite having nothing against her, living with is pretty difficult, lots of conflict and all.

When I went back home in August 2012, I broke up with my girlfriend of 2 years then, because I didn't want a long-distance relationship. But I still had some feeling for her, and so when she told me that she's going to study in Paris, close to me, we went back together last summer. Sadly, it didn't last long. She cheated on me, and despite trying to get over it, she blanked me completly for weeks, with just a vague breaking up text.
I was just a bit pissed with her, but I assumed she had a "good" reason. I wasn't the perfect bf. Often depressed, jobless, broke, and I always was pretty coy about my feelings for her. However, I recently found that she was back with her ex. This guy basically destroyed a few years ago, and she always told me I was far better than him.
When I learned that, I felt so fucking humiliated. I felt worthless. To me it's basically saying that I'm worse than a guy that manipulated her and made her felt almost suicidal at some point. Okay, he's better looking and "cooler" than me, but still...
I'm trying to refrain myself to contact her and ask her why and making her aware of how terrible I feel because of her, but I think it's going to backfire pretty hard...

Then there is another girl... We met last year, and had a one-night stand. However she told me that she was with another guy, living far away. I just thought that it was some guy she had an unrealistic crush on. And we started to see each other a lot. She is by far the cutest and smartest girl I know (and we have a pretty strong sexual chemistry) so I ended up having feelings for her. But one night, she arrived at the bar I was with the "other guy". That broke me pretty hard, and I pretty much stormed out of the bar, really drunk. As some of our mutual friend were here, It created a bit of drama and we were a bit mad at each ofter for a few weeks. Fast forward a few months later, her "boyfriend" married another girl behind her back. So one night, she calls me pretty drunk, and start to apologise to me. We talk about it and make a mend about everything that happend, but also, we end up having a few casual hook-ups, but they were not really just sex, there was a lot of affection. She tells me that she don't want a relationship, because of what happend with her ex bf. I said that I understood and that I won't hope for more.
But I am a really stupid guy, and now I have really strong feelings for her again, and I'm super afraid that she'll get a new bf and that I was just there for a "booty call" for her.

So yeah, the worst thing, is that despite having a shitload of more important problems, it's relationship stuff that is driving me down the most. I have a pretty weird affection need. I have trouble being frank about what's wrong with me with friends and families. My ex gf was probably the only person that always knew when I was depressed.
Relationships to me are kind of the best shield against all of the other shit I have to deal with. But now, feeling really lonely and afraid of not finding another one, I feel even worse.

Like I said I don't want to bother my family with it, 'cause they all have worst thing to deal with, and also I'm super shy about my own life with them. As for my friends...Well they kinda know that I feel like shit, but I feel like they don't really care...

But so yeah, it's mostly shallow stuff, but it makes my money/job/school problems/anxiety resonate even more. It's been 4 days and I feel like a total mess. I can't sleep right, I'm often on the brink of tearing up, some thoughts just shatter me pretty violently.

I don't expect much help actually, but I thought talking about it on a more "neutral ground" might help me feel a bit better.

(If there are some grammar mistakes, sorry, English isn't my first language)
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Im so sorry to hear this. If you allow me to give a small sugestion, talk about this with your mother. For all her faults shes the one who loves you the most in the whole world, if you say you need affection, i dont know a better source from it. Just pour it on her, i know its hard and you might be shy, but for a mother the greatest worry through out her life will always be her children. She probably is feeling all of this from you, and is waiting for you to talk to. Dont be shy, theres no shame in pouring your sadness onto your family , they are the ones who want to see you happy the most.
 
StanleyStutters said:
That sucks, how bad's the damage? Did they even bother to leave a note?
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There's some body damage on the rear of one side and both rear headlights are out. It's driving a lil weird so I'm wondering if a tire rod or something got bent. No note. I filed a police report but they pretty much told me that nothing would probably come of it.
 
Not surprised that I got an F for prob and stats class. Still pissed off though. Three classes with a lot of time and still did horribly. I should be more scared in my next semester because I'm taking four classes and I'm going to struggle. I don't know what to do. I know I have to ask help from teachers and tutors, but I'm too stubborn to ask help for whatever reason. I hate moving forward so much.
 
Ugh, now that the year's ended and my insurance has reset, I'm going to have to pay ~1700 a month for prescriptions until I hit my premium, which should be March.
 
My situations so complicated, I couldn't even begin to explain it.

I personally don't believe there's an afterlife, but I want to die for the faintest hope.

My birthday, probably.
 
So much shit has been building up inside me over the last few months, death in the family, relationship down the shitter, rejections, poor academic performance. I often get a lump in my throat, sometimes my eyes even well up and then... nothing. All I want to do is cry, get it out of my system but it just stays inside. I don't even remember the last time I cried. Wtf is wrong with me. Where is the release valve.
 
This morning was pretty rough, lost my wallet and spent most of my time in class trying to make sure that everything was cancelled and could be replaced, then went to the DMV and stood in line for hours waiting to replace my license. The amount of frustration, worry, and sadness that built up in my mind over that time period coupled with the depression prior to losing my wallet had me wishing that one of the people taking the driving test would jump the curb and run me over.
 
Hey MHGAF!


As promised, I've been staying off the internet while I participate in this 10 day intensive therapy program. Do you miss me? I had planned to stay away for the full two weeks, but I'm already thinking that's actually a dumb idea. This community helps me so much, and I've made so many friends here. So I'm going to slowly figure out how to engage a little more without letting hours fly by as I browse threads, read twitter, etc. Balance is a big goal for me.

Anyway, I wanted to start sharing some thoughts on this program. In the past, I've done an intensive CBT course, which was half days, 3x a week. This is full days, for two straight weeks. I had worried that this would be a repeat of that content (which was very similar to what I learned during my hospitalization), but it's actually quite different.

The approach here is Interpersonal and social rhythm therapies (IPSRT). In the CBT course (known here as IOP - intensive outpatient psychotherapy), it's a rotating group of 8 - every day, someone new joins and someone else "graduates." IPSRT is a fixed group of 5.

In IOP, I was BY FAR in the best shape of anyone there, to the point that I felt out of place. Everyone in this new program is quite depressed (one person is bipolar, the rest are unipolar depression) - we've all been hospitalized - but we haven't had the constant threat of people breaking down in tears like in the past programs. It's a bit of luck of the draw, as apparently the last group were either all hospitalized or quit during the first week. The one person who hung on is now with us.

You have the same set of classes every day, taught by the same psychologist, nurse, recreational therapist, whatever. Each day is


Social Rhythm Therapy
discussed below

Recreation Therapy/Leisure
stretches, relaxation, and things like planning the weekend

Interpersonal Therapy
discussed below

Psychoeducation
various topics - so far, we've discussed boundaries and the signs/triggers of depressive episodes

Recreation/Leisure
light yoga, relaxation, and more discussion of balance, thinking more about how we spend our free time

Mindfulness
My favorite part. I'll probably go into this more as the program continues.

Synthesis
What did we learn, what did we like/not like - give feedback to all 5 people doing the education.

and a 1-hour individual meeting with the team once a week
Mine is tomorrow, so we'll see.

Maybe, instead of really looking at IPSRT in this first post, I'll just share a few thoughts I had in relation to this community.

In our first session, we briefly shared our stories and how we felt about our illness. Even with all of our experiences in mental health, the common response was "it's amazing to learn that other people feel this way/understand what I'm feeling." I could see how important that is, but I've really gotten that from this community. I KNOW I'm not alone in what I'm going through and I'm no longer surprised to learn that even people who SEEM to be doing fine out there in the world are dealing with some major shit. It's one thing this community really does well, I think - people who find this thread often have that same response - "wow, I'm not alone!" That's so important. I guess it's just, after the first few hundred PMs, I became a little more used to the idea that all sorts of people are dealing with these issues. :P

The other thing that immediately struck me is that the person I've kind of hit it off with the most in the group (and I actually really like all of them) has a close friend who understands what she's going through, watches out for her, and is aware of exactly what she's going though and, often, what she needs. Again, I really stress that idea in here - I have a few close friends locally who watch out for me, but I actually get the most out of my friendships from this community. I say it over and over, but the people getting the most out of this community are the ones who make use of ALL the things we offer. Posting your story in the thread is generally how we all get started, but when you start talking to people in PMs, on Steam, loiter in IRC (which has been a little slower as many of us have moved to Mumble voice chat, but it's still a place to find friendly, knowledgeable people), follow us on twitter, and make the scary leap into voice chat, you can find very real friendship. There are people in here I talk to every day in one way or another. We really watch out for each other, and we notice when people disappear from twitter or IRC.

Not everyone has that - 3 of the 5 people in the IPSRT group really don't have anyone who really really understands what they're going through. You can see the difference in the people who feel so ashamed of their illness, or have never had the experience of sharing, being ASKED to share, and being listened to. I find structured sharing odd - "Bagels, what do you think about what Prax just said?" - but we all get a chance to share and be heard, so it's how it has to be.

I think more than anything, for me, the really powerful part of this therapy program is that it provides a structured treatment. Not only does it give you scheduled time to work on various aspects of mental health, but there's also homework which generally involves mindfulness, structuring your time, setting goals, digging into your ongoing issues.

This thread is at its worst when it becomes post after post of "my life is shit." I've made those posts - sometimes just saying it is helpful. But there are people who only do that, or we get page after page of vague "fuck everything" posts. We're not discussing, we're not sharing, we're not working at anything, we're just complaining.

Looking at my own experiences over time, I've taken a very piecemeal approach to my mental health. I kind of deal with things when I can, stumble on things that help me, get better, get worse. But treatment for any disease generally involves some kind of regimen - to really treat diabetes, you need to monitor your sugars, plan what you eat, think about your diet, add in exercise, be vigilant about eye health, or foot health. You'll do terribly if you manage it crisis to crisis. Yet that's how most of us are managing our mental illnesses. That's basically what I've always done.

I'll redo the worksheets we use (it's all proprietary stuff) so people can make use of them. As hokey as it feels to do these little classes and exercises, I think I'm already on to something with this course of therapy. You need a structured treatment and you (I?) need that treatment to involve structuring your life.

I welcome any questions, even if I don't get to them right away. I'll go into the individual components of this therapy more in the next few posts.

I'm sorry for not reading and replying for a bit longer - I'm keeping the focus on treatment and slowly figuring out the place of things like my online life in my mental health and/or illness. I'm trying to live more intentionally - planning my time around activities that provide specific things for me, or, right now, trying to figure out what those specific things might be.

Stay as well as possible! I miss being a more active part of this community, here in the thread, but also in IRC, Mumble, Twitter, the whole shebang.
 
6~ days since my last Effexor dose, was legitimately sick for several days, but at present I feel like I've ridden out most of what it had to throw at me. Withdrawal effects all subsiding, mental focus returning, fatigue from the medication withdrawing, etc.

Going in tomorrow to talk replacement and adjustment, past couple of months have me feeling that anxiety has been utterly neglected and depression over-medicated in my particular case. It would be nice if this stuff was evident before the point of trialling meds for extended periods, but I'm not going to gripe about it.
 
Being an anxious person really sucks. Any little thing can become an explosive problem for me to worry about.

I went to a dermatologist today for a skin check-up. Figured I might as well since I've never had one. He checked me everywhere except parts of my genitals.

Well now I noticed some moles on my genitals that I never bothered to notice before and I can't go to the derma for another 3-5 months because I'll be away at college. Thanks to my anxiety, I feel like I'm going to die from melanoma now.

Just took my meds and I'm going to bed.

Bo said:
6~ days since my last Effexor dose, was legitimately sick for several days, but at present I feel like I've ridden out most of what it had to throw at me. Withdrawal effects all subsiding, mental focus returning, fatigue from the medication withdrawing, etc.

Going in tomorrow to talk replacement and adjustment, past couple of months have me feeling that anxiety has been utterly neglected and depression over-medicated in my particular case. It would be nice if this stuff was evident before the point of trialling meds for extended periods, but I'm not going to gripe about it.
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I took Effexor for less than two weeks before my penis went numb and I had sexual dysfunction. I panicked that it might be permanent and I quit the med. Now I'm too scared to try anything new.

EDIT: Woops, actually that was lexapro. The new med she gave me was Effexor but I was too scared to try it.
 
Bagels said:
I think more than anything, for me, the really powerful part of this therapy program is that it provides a structured treatment. Not only does it give you scheduled time to work on various aspects of mental health, but there's also homework which generally involves mindfulness, structuring your time, setting goals, digging into your ongoing issues.

This thread is at its worst when it becomes post after post of "my life is shit." I've made those posts - sometimes just saying it is helpful. But there are people who only do that, or we get page after page of vague "fuck everything" posts. We're not discussing, we're not sharing, we're not working at anything, we're just complaining.

Looking at my own experiences over time, I've taken a very piecemeal approach to my mental health. I kind of deal with things when I can, stumble on things that help me, get better, get worse. But treatment for any disease generally involves some kind of regimen - to really treat diabetes, you need to monitor your sugars, plan what you eat, think about your diet, add in exercise, be vigilant about eye health, or foot health. You'll do terribly if you manage it crisis to crisis. Yet that's how most of us are managing our mental illnesses. That's basically what I've always done.
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That program sounds fantastic. I would certainly benefit from something like that.

I just bold some parts that just jump out to me as relevant.
 
The Lamp said:
I took Effexor for less than two weeks before my penis went numb and I had sexual dysfunction. I panicked that it might be permanent and I quit the med. Now I'm too scared to try anything new.

EDIT: Woops, actually that was lexapro. The new med she gave me was Effexor but I was too scared to try it.
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The good news is that it works. The bad news is that it doesn't take hostages.
 
Well sometimes you have to decide whether to get potentially better and deal with some minor side-effects (non life threatening;most sexual side-effects are not life-threatening) than do nothing or jumping on and off drugs.
 
ClassyPenguin said:
Well sometimes you have to decide whether to get potentially better and deal with some minor side-effects (sexual side-effects are not life-threatening) than do nothing or jumping on and off drugs.
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Yup. Virtually all antidepressants (if not all) have the potential for sexual side-effects. I was never able to find one that didn't do that to me so I just settled for the one that actually helped my mood.
 
Having a really rough time lately. Embarrassed by it pretty much. I feel like whenever I have to be around people I have to over compensate and put on a 'show' so I come off as being okay. I don't enjoy anything anymore.
 
ClassyPenguin said:
Well sometimes you have to decide whether to get potentially better and deal with some minor side-effects (non life threatening;most sexual side-effects are not life-threatening) than do nothing or jumping on and off drugs.
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jb1234 said:
Yup. Virtually all antidepressants (if not all) have the potential for sexual side-effects. I was never able to find one that didn't do that to me so I just settled for the one that actually helped my mood.
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I've been on Celexa/Citalopram for a week now and I'm fairly sure I'm gettin gsexual side-effects like that. It's rather embarrassing, but since I'm planning on being single for a while now anyway, I don't really care. Just for the love of god hope that it's reversible.
 
Smiley90 said:
I've been on Celexa/Citalopram for a week now and I'm fairly sure I'm gettin gsexual side-effects like that. It's rather embarrassing, but since I'm planning on being single for a while now anyway, I don't really care. Just for the love of god hope that it's reversible.
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Just need to take that time single to get in better touch with your sexual side! ;)
 
Necedah said:
Just need to take that time single to get in better touch with your sexual side! ;)
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... I know exactly what you mean...

ClassyPenguin said:
Unless it's like a rare and extremely unlikely case of priapism (don't google it, for the love of god), it's reversible.

http://www.pbs.org/thisemotionallife/blogs/sex-antidepressants

Well, wouldn't ya know.
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30-70%? Damn, that's a high number. Well I feel less alone then.

Hey, I might actually last longer if I had a partner, so it's not like it'd be the worst thing ever, right? RIGHT? ... okay maybe it would be.
 
Pacbois said:
Relationships to me are kind of the best shield against all of the other shit I have to deal with.
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It can't be that way, though; have to be strong on our own. Let the past go and learn from it if you can (and if you can't or are unsure of what to learn or even if there was actually anything TO learn, let it go anyway because your mental state will continue to be unstable). As you have learned, people are unpredictable, so a lot of what happened probably wasn't even under your control. Your ex getting back with her ex doesn't somehow reflect on your value; that is silly and really only reflects her subjective individual value system which is independent of other lovely girls who would probably love to meet you. Sorry for your loss but chill; you will be ok. Invest in yourself and solve other problems in your life to get to a better place.

And yes maybe I am projecting based off certain past events in my life >_> but this mind set seems to have worked for me. Still breathing at least. I am 100% not bullshitting you when I say heartbreak didn't do anything to damage my physical body (the weekly pizza and taco bell I consume does, however, but I love pizza and that shit isn't changing)
 
Necedah said:
Great!

.....because I don't know what I mean half the time. o_o
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image.php
 
Smiley90 said:
... I know exactly what you mean...



30-70%? Damn, that's a high number. Well I feel less alone then.

Hey, I might actually last longer if I had a partner, so it's not like it'd be the worst thing ever, right? RIGHT? ... okay maybe it would be.
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That depends on how it affects you. For some, you just last longer. For others, you can't sustain an erection, period. That's the worst scenario (and it's the one that afflicts me). It sucks ass.
 
jb1234 said:
That depends on how it affects you. For some, you just last longer. For others, you can't sustain an erection, period. That's the worst scenario (and it's the one that afflicts me). It sucks ass.
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Well I just started a week ago, so I might end up there. Or it might stay (hehe) the way it is. Or it might get back to normal. We'll see.
 
ClassyPenguin said:
Another name change?



Don't we all. I'm off meds, so I'm just sleeping all day and incredibly lethargic.

Changing psychiatrist and all. The last dude was no help at all.
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Yeah, I might have a problem. Gotta hide from those bad people on the internets. /shifty eyes

edit: your avatar makes me feel like you are unimpressed/silently judging me.
 
Bagels said:
I'm sorry for not reading and replying for a bit longer - I'm keeping the focus on treatment and slowly figuring out the place of things like my online life in my mental health and/or illness.
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Don't be sorry! This is an excellent opportunity for you; I can't wait to read more about it. It sounds like a great program!

Love you man, take care of yourself, and SWAP
 
Fiction said:
Don't be sorry! This is an excellent opportunity for you; I can't wait to read more about it. It sounds like a great program!

Love you man, take care of yourself, and SWAP
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Yup, it was a riveting read, man. Definitely looking forward to hearing more details.
 
Reading the thing bagels wrote was incredibly fascinating. I truly hope it all goes well.

Today was an interesting day for me because it was the first time in a LONG time where I let myself become absorbed in a piece of fiction and just escape for a bit. I've been trying to do this for quite a while, trying to get lost in a book or game or movie but for the past few months I just wouldn't connect regardless of my enjoyment of the actual material.

But tonight was special! I watched three things (A Doctor Who episode which was excellent, a thriller that turned into a supernatural thriller which disappointed me, and another thriller that was decent) and somehow actually got absorbed in all of them. I don't know how or why but jesus christ it was nice to be able to disappear into another world for a night instead of being in my own head. It's been too long.

Gonna try and sleep now, hope I dream of something awesome like my friends stealing my couch.. a recurring dream I find quite comforting.

Dear Everyone,
SAWAP.
Love, Mike
 
My inability to sleep, or sleep normal hours is exacerbating my own issues and I can't figure out how to fix this.

*sigh*

I don't suppose y'all have some tips? It started with weird semester class hours (starting at 1, ending at 9 on most days so I'd be up till 4 am doing homework, sleeping, and waking up at noon for class) and break hasn't helped matters at all.
 
So I feel like I'm bipolar... I guess just without the extreme ups. Like some days I feel like everything is falling apart and I'm a mess, but other days I just feel totally normal. Would that just be mild depression??
 
In the waiting room of my doctor. Need a med refill. Very nervous about this hour though, I haven't done much with my life since I was last here and don't want to let him down (a stupid feeling, I know all he wants is to help me but I don't like the feeling of failure) wish me luck!
 
Wilsongt said:
Depression/Anti-Depression medication threads on GAF always make me uncomfortable, or make me rage.

[intense internal raging]
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Those threads always end the same way, although this time i feel like it's gone surprisingly civilized. It's always

"Big pharma is literally hitler"
Vs
"I'm on them cause i need them"
Vs
People not on them who know what they're talking about
Vs
"People just need to go back to being real men and deal with issues themselves"

:/
 
I'll write about social rhythm therapy later today, but I also wanted to say I'll be on IRC and Mumble this evening if you want to talk about this therapy program or just bask in the glow of my improving mental health and/or rapier wit*

*rapier wit subject to availability. Quantities limited. Offer may only apply in some areas, specifically in my own head. Content not suitable for children or people with pacemakers.
 
Bagels said:
I'll write about social rhythm therapy later today, but I also wanted to say I'll be on IRC and Mumble this evening if you want to talk about this therapy program or just bask in the glow of my improving mental health and/or rapier wit*

*rapier wit subject to availability. Quantities limited. Offer may only apply in some areas, specifically in my own head. Content not suitable for children or people with pacemakers.
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Bagels is hawt. o.o
 
First post in this thread. Not good with pouring my heart out... this week I have just been a nervous, self-hating wreck. I just feel so empty, it's not like I haven't even been out - I went to a choir rehearsal on Tuesday and saw friends yesterday, something I did because I needed their emotional support. But the positive feelings those gave me seem so ephemeral and fleeting, and when I'm on my own all I can do is beat myself up. It's like I just can't understand happiness and hate myself for feeling so broken. Even in my house, if I'm not holed up in my room my anxiety spikes and I worry that I'm being a bother to my housemates.

I'm waiting on a CBT referral from my doctor's which is yet to come through. Can't come soon enough. But I still feel like all my problems are petty and wonder why, in the grand scheme of things, I just can't see how good I have it.
 
Zelias said:
First post in this thread. Not good with pouring my heart out... this week I have just been a nervous, self-hating wreck. I just feel so empty, it's not like I haven't even been out - I went to a choir rehearsal on Tuesday and saw friends yesterday, something I did because I needed their emotional support. But the positive feelings those gave me seem so ephemeral and fleeting, and when I'm on my own all I can do is beat myself up. It's like I just can't understand happiness and hate myself for feeling so broken. Even in my house, if I'm not holed up in my room my anxiety spikes and I worry that I'm being a bother to my housemates.

I'm waiting on a CBT referral from my doctor's which is yet to come through. Can't come soon enough. But I still feel like all my problems are petty and wonder why, in the grand scheme of things, I just can't see how good I have it.
Click to expand...

on the plus side yr avatar is wonderful
 
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