There are forms of bi-polar that don't present significant highs. As always, my advice is to seek professional help, as no one on GAF is capable of diagnosing you remotely.
Mental Health |OT| Depression & Co.
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There are forms of bi-polar that don't present significant highs. As always, my advice is to seek professional help, as no one on GAF is capable of diagnosing you remotely.
Haha, thanks. That actually made me feel a little better, so I appreciate it.
Yours is great too
It can totally be glorious but dont become like me and overdo it!
Okay, I need to step in here and say that you get the JB seal of approval. It is a hard-earned (more or less) medal that comes into play when I find you good looking. If you continue to disparage your good looks, I will beat you over the head with my first edition PS3 and I KNOW that goddamned thing is heavy!
A Human Becoming
More than a Member
If that's you in the picture, you're a very handsome man. Mental people like myself were not born so lucky.
For someone who suffers bi-polar, depression type, having social anxiety doesn't help one bit. My support network is so weak I don't think I have anyone but my mother to reach out for. That's pathetic.
I'm really upset my roommate has blown off being a close friend of mine. I plain suck at creating good relationships. The big ambitions I have seem impossible if I have no one to support me.
The good stretch I was having ended the beginning of this year. Now I feel even more alone and less confident in my future.
I've been depressed my whole life due to autism leading to ostracism, which predisposes me to that disposition.
Every day of my life I've always withdrawn into myself, per autism, to attempt to fix myself and live, it's lead to nothing good: fleeting popularity to bulimia.
At the moment, with all my friends gone and family mostly gone and close family now reviled due to my constant close proximity with them-which I'm sure is causing some cabin fever effect- I've reached a point where I feel absolutely nothing but sadness interrupted by stronger feelings of sadness. Just recently I started having issues sleeping past 3-5 hours.
I hate every memory that comprises me and everything looks grey and if it doesn't I search for the flaws in it until it becomes ugly.
I actually tried to ask out a few girls this year due to the loneliness and they all ended fucked, though not through any fault of my own.
I met a girl who's young and still very happy and seemingly unaffected by the stresses of society, she makes me almost feel good just talking with her, but I don't want to fuck her up by asking her to help me through this or even attempting to make something more than a work thing out of me and her(saying that feels like a dream).
My father went through problems like depression and confided in me monetary woes when i was around 16 to today and the stress definitely accumulates; I honestly don't want to put my problems onto anyone.
I have too much pride to affect other people with my issues, and when I think of the future, all it does is make me cry, every little thing that i want to do seems too far away. Additionally, I need to have freedom and I love to create in anyway despite my inability to focus too well, this future of 9-5 jobs that I'm facing for stuff like clothes and food that I really don't want can't justify the effort asked of me to keep progressing.
What I do now is write my feelings down just because I'm having troubles communicating with people lately. When I go to work as the lowly dishwasher-though this current place treats me excellently- I feel so lonely, hearing all these people talk of a good life and I'm in no position to talk even if something may have happened to me, despite wanting to very badly. The days there suck due to that inability and my other days at home consist of me just doing nothing, reading, writing, studying math, etc. in between eating and walking aimlessly while listening to music.It all never yields any results.
I feel all alone, always have, never felt love, and this is nothing I'm saying to come off as cool, I just think it's easy to articulate my mind state with familiar phrases.
Anyway, I think I'm definitely going to be killing myself sometime this year, I've broken myself irreparably and life has never been good for me; I can't keep on like this.
I just was wondering if, when I do it, how I could put my writings out so I can kind of explain my feelings from within this depression, maybe expand understanding and alter perceptions of me and explain why it had to be done.
I just really want to know how I can make sure the writings stay to my name and my family.
When I was younger, I overcame rejection by telling myself I would do something good one day and show everyone that I wasn't just worthless, I don't think I'll have another chance besides this, so I'd appreciate any advice.
I'm so fucking tired of waking up, the tears don't fall uncontrollably when I'm alone anymore at least,but it's not getting better.
Every day of my life I've always withdrawn into myself, per autism, to attempt to fix myself and live, it's lead to nothing good: fleeting popularity to bulimia.
At the moment, with all my friends gone and family mostly gone and close family now reviled due to my constant close proximity with them-which I'm sure is causing some cabin fever effect- I've reached a point where I feel absolutely nothing but sadness interrupted by stronger feelings of sadness. Just recently I started having issues sleeping past 3-5 hours.
I hate every memory that comprises me and everything looks grey and if it doesn't I search for the flaws in it until it becomes ugly.
I actually tried to ask out a few girls this year due to the loneliness and they all ended fucked, though not through any fault of my own.
I met a girl who's young and still very happy and seemingly unaffected by the stresses of society, she makes me almost feel good just talking with her, but I don't want to fuck her up by asking her to help me through this or even attempting to make something more than a work thing out of me and her(saying that feels like a dream).
My father went through problems like depression and confided in me monetary woes when i was around 16 to today and the stress definitely accumulates; I honestly don't want to put my problems onto anyone.
I have too much pride to affect other people with my issues, and when I think of the future, all it does is make me cry, every little thing that i want to do seems too far away. Additionally, I need to have freedom and I love to create in anyway despite my inability to focus too well, this future of 9-5 jobs that I'm facing for stuff like clothes and food that I really don't want can't justify the effort asked of me to keep progressing.
What I do now is write my feelings down just because I'm having troubles communicating with people lately. When I go to work as the lowly dishwasher-though this current place treats me excellently- I feel so lonely, hearing all these people talk of a good life and I'm in no position to talk even if something may have happened to me, despite wanting to very badly. The days there suck due to that inability and my other days at home consist of me just doing nothing, reading, writing, studying math, etc. in between eating and walking aimlessly while listening to music.It all never yields any results.
I feel all alone, always have, never felt love, and this is nothing I'm saying to come off as cool, I just think it's easy to articulate my mind state with familiar phrases.
Anyway, I think I'm definitely going to be killing myself sometime this year, I've broken myself irreparably and life has never been good for me; I can't keep on like this.
I just was wondering if, when I do it, how I could put my writings out so I can kind of explain my feelings from within this depression, maybe expand understanding and alter perceptions of me and explain why it had to be done.
I just really want to know how I can make sure the writings stay to my name and my family.
When I was younger, I overcame rejection by telling myself I would do something good one day and show everyone that I wasn't just worthless, I don't think I'll have another chance besides this, so I'd appreciate any advice.
I'm so fucking tired of waking up, the tears don't fall uncontrollably when I'm alone anymore at least,but it's not getting better.
Polydeuces
Member
Please dont consider ending your life. Although you may have faced some intense conflicts you got to see some positives in there. All of us don't want you to do something you will regret for the rest of your life. Im certain there are people here who will definitely hear your concerns and offer ways to tackle these challenges. I am in a similar boat as you but I don't ever want to make anyone horrified if I were to end my life as well. Once again, please do not consider ending your life.
Lonesome_Raod
Member
A friend of mine committed suicide two days ago. The worst thing is nobody saw this coming and on the surface appeared a lively, outgoing character. It's been a shock to learn at such a cost that not all that looks well is.
i only wish I had been able to pick up a sign, anything. please reach out to someone.
i only wish I had been able to pick up a sign, anything. please reach out to someone.
Don't blame yourself. A lot of people who successfuly end their own life have been struggling with heavy/painful issues for such a long time that they tend to become very, very good at hiding it and appearing like a normal, happy, functioning member of society. Mental health/illness carries such vast stigmas that most people have a lot of issues speaking to others about it in earnest. I've made a point of trying to verbalize when I notice I'm not at my best/feeling off to my spouse sooner rather than blowing up or having a meltdown over nothing much later.
I'm sorry to hear that happened to your friend but I say the best thing you can do is be a good listener to others who need a hand up.
kerotan_eater
Banned
I had depression last year because I felt so alone. Then I oddly woke up one day and got over it kind of got over it as it seemed like such a weird thing to be sad about, something that was so fixable. It felt like the weirdest change of heart on the issue and it wasn't that I gained a friend that day.
I do hope that, that day comes for you, because it was one of the weirdest moments of my life, to just get over something that had caused me so much depression over the course of a day or two.
Thanks you two. Unfortunately this is very different than most people as this has been a loneliness that has existed in some variation through all years of my life.
In other words, to be a dick, my sadness is greater than your sadness. There's no easy way to explain how feeling at all times throughout forever that everyone dislikes you and everything contrary feels like a suspicious lie, how that transforms a person into something that can't be fixed.
I have no family, everyone that I have even if they love me, I have no control anymore, I don't love them. It wouldn't hurt me to know they're sad, and I have no one else that would do anything other than live in the distance they do now and maybe show up just to feel better about themselves.
I just want help in one way, to know how to go to get a copyright for this finality.
In other words, to be a dick, my sadness is greater than your sadness. There's no easy way to explain how feeling at all times throughout forever that everyone dislikes you and everything contrary feels like a suspicious lie, how that transforms a person into something that can't be fixed.
I have no family, everyone that I have even if they love me, I have no control anymore, I don't love them. It wouldn't hurt me to know they're sad, and I have no one else that would do anything other than live in the distance they do now and maybe show up just to feel better about themselves.
I just want help in one way, to know how to go to get a copyright for this finality.
kerotan_eater
Banned
What I do know is that relationships are fixable in many ways, and even if you feel it isn't, you just never know. Plus you have a bunch of chances to be happy with other people you may meet. That's a life worth living for right?
Perhaps, but even if we eliminate the relationship aspect, I suffer from complete and utter self-disgust. Nothing I do can ever be good enough; I can never be happy. It makes me sick to have to feel so ugly to the point where I can so easily -and have in the past- find flaws in people that are deep that make me feel less alone in this ugly place. I don't want to negatively affect anyone anymore.
I read your longer message earlier, and I have the same diagnosis. I got mine rather early at the age of 4. Some might think that is good, as you get better support that way. Definitely not the case for me, that's for sure. It was tough dealing with growing up. I just wanted to converse normally, and not mess up and attract negative attention to myself in day-to-day life. That never did work out, and I still can't do it now. The vast majority of social interactions will result in failure, if not initially, then later on when the cracks start to show. The depression and constant anxiety added on top just makes life as a whole feel very difficult. It is a fucking nightmare, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.
One thing I will say is that nowhere did you mention about any kind of help you have had, or have tried to get. If it is something you have yet to pursue, I would strongly advise you do. It is bad enough to have all this running constantly inside your head, never mind having no outlet to work through it. A feeling I know too well. I'm looking into different things myself to try and better all of this. Initial appointment with the therapist has been taking a long time to come through, and will probably continue. So I want to explore as many options as I can. If anything worthwhile can come out of this mess of a life that I have, then it would be worth it to me. I wish you the best of luck, and I'm always happy to talk privately as well.
Overview of the 10 day full-time program I'm in.
I want to go into the social rhythm therapy part of the program today.
If you google SRT, you'll read about it as a treatment for bipolar disorder, involving sleep and circadian rhythms. The term is applied a little more broadly in the program I'm in (4 of 5 of us are unipolar depression).
The initial SRT session (it's one of the "courses" we do every day in this program) gave us a rough overview of the theory. Social Rhythm Therapy follows from the "social zeitgeber hypothesis":
[it's such a great word, I wrote it in calligraphy
(and I'll talk about calligraphy more when I discuss mindfulness)]
Wikipedia: A zeitgeber is any external or environmental cue that entrains, or synchronizes, an organism's biological rhythms to the earth's 24-hour light/dark cycle and 12 month cycle.
Some examples are
Light
Temperature
Social interactions
Pharmacological manipulation
Exercise
Eating/drinking patterns
The social zeitgeber hypothesis suggests a link between interpersonal events (loss of a loved one, a breakup, unemployment, etc, which cause changes in social cues and routines (sleep time meal times, the time set aside for productivity, socialization, leisure activities, etc), which then disrupt the biological rhythms governing sleep/wake, energy levels, things like that. The chain goes the other way, too. Those of us with certain biological problems that disrupt things like our sleep have trouble setting our social routines, leading to interpersonal problems.
So, thus far, SRT has been about trying to tune in to biological rhythms, establish routine and structure again, and understand the links between what you did/didn't do and your mood/energy. Then, the larger project is identifying the barriers to holding on to these rhythms, promoting balance in our lives, and filling time with "meaningful activities."
There's quite a bit to it. This is honestly the part of the program that I found most important at the start. I do best when my life has structure and routine. That has completely broken down and made life very difficult.
So the first step is simply to set goals and collect data. I can't just post their forms, so I'll make up my own versions. For now, here's the basic info you'll collect:
So you set target times for waking up, meals, going to bed, work, leisure, taking meds - it's not like you need to specifically account for every minute of every day, but you want things that aren't set times (waking up) in blocks of 30 minutes or an hour (so things like "play video games" or, more generally, "hobbies," "free time," etc.). Meals, waking, going to bed, meds, are all ideally the same even on the weekend, but that's both unrealistic and undesirable for me. So I'll make a sheet with a column for each day of the week, target time columns for the week and weekend, and I'll fill in wake up, bed time, meals, with enough space between them for you to fill in your usual activities. I hope the general outline form I posted makes sense.
So the other things you record are the presence of other people for these things. It's not about how many people you are with, but more if anyone is there or not, and then their engagement in the activity with you. You either do them alone, in the presence of others, with others, or REALLY with others (like a party, or making sweet, sweet love (if you rate that a "1"...)).
Mood should be recorded at least twice a day - AM/PM - but three or even more times can be even better (we're encouraged to rate our mood 3 times a day). The scale is a little funny. 0 is a neutral mood. Plus one and minus one are going to represent "normal" variations to a positive or negative mood, respectively. So a -1 is a slightly negative mood, but sort of within what you'd consider your ideal "normal" variability in mood. At the extremes, +5 is frank mania and -5 is the kind of depressed state where you should probably be hospitalized. In my group, we've all kind of settled on -2 or -3 as our usual mood when depressed. Something like a +2 might be an unusually good day on a vacation or something.
So really, someone without depression or bipolar disorder will move between +1 and -1, depending on what's going on. Does that make sense?
Confusingly, energy is rated on the same scale. Many of us find little difference between mood and energy - a -3 mood comes with a -3 energy, but you can be tired but happy (+1/-1) or whatever. It's up to you to kind of say what the neutral, zero state is.
The scales themselves are less important (use 5 stars, 0 to 10, words instead of numbers...) than your consistency in using them. You don't want to say that a mood of zero is a neutral, neither happy nor sad state one day, and then later say that you are usually at a -2, so you're going to switch over and make zero your normal mood from now on. So some zeroes are neutral, and later some zeroes actually represent a pretty bad mood. Right?
So, really, the big idea is just to establish your ideal routine, work at meeting it, record how things make you feel and the energy you have, and look at how you're spending your time in social situations.
So you might establish an ideal schedule and initially fail miserably at meeting it. Later, you might meet it perfectly, but find that your energy is always collapsing in the evening. This may coincide with a lack of social contact (I've become an extrovert in the last few years and especially in the past year, which I'll discuss, because it's so weird for a life-long introvert [no one in this community believes me when I describe myself as "painfully shy." I recognize that the way I think of myself is no longer accurate) or you might look at your evening med dose, etc etc.
At first, it's about finding a routine, especially if you don't have a job or school to define big chunks of time. You want to establish your anchors, particularly social anchors - when are you spending time with others? Next, it's about seeing what is making it hard to keep the routine, if that happens (and it often does). Are negative social interactions making it hard to get to sleep? Stuff like that. You identify the barriers and see how to start working at them.
The last piece is looking at the balance in your life. You can divide it up many ways, but we've looked at a triangle of productive time (including work/school and things like housework), self care (meals, sleep, exercise), and leisure. Something like exercise may be in any of those three, or a bit in each. Again, the key is to identify your needs and see how your activities do or do not meet those needs.
Whew. Again, I'm happy to take questions. I'll have more to say as I continue in the program (7 days left). I'm sorry these entries are so long but a) I always post a lot anyway and b) I'm finding it so incredibly helpful, and having talked to some of you in mumble and IRC last night about it, it sounds like there are some of you who think this therapy would be awesome for you too. Fortunately, there really aren't any magical components to the therapy I'm doing. It doesn't involve any specialized equipment or medications (although having sorted out that piece is the reason I can do this therapy now) or anything. A few little forms to track things, which I can whip up, or you can make for yourself, some knowledge of the basic ideas, and a desire to do it are all you really need (having a team of professional leading you is pretty damn good, too, but you don't need a therapist to set your schedule and try to keep to it, right?). The other piece, which I hope we can provide here, is a group to work at things with. It's very, very helpful having that input, perspective, accountability, etc.
I'll discuss mindfulness next.
I want to go into the social rhythm therapy part of the program today.
If you google SRT, you'll read about it as a treatment for bipolar disorder, involving sleep and circadian rhythms. The term is applied a little more broadly in the program I'm in (4 of 5 of us are unipolar depression).
The initial SRT session (it's one of the "courses" we do every day in this program) gave us a rough overview of the theory. Social Rhythm Therapy follows from the "social zeitgeber hypothesis":
[it's such a great word, I wrote it in calligraphy
(and I'll talk about calligraphy more when I discuss mindfulness)]
Wikipedia: A zeitgeber is any external or environmental cue that entrains, or synchronizes, an organism's biological rhythms to the earth's 24-hour light/dark cycle and 12 month cycle.
Some examples are
Light
Temperature
Social interactions
Pharmacological manipulation
Exercise
Eating/drinking patterns
The social zeitgeber hypothesis suggests a link between interpersonal events (loss of a loved one, a breakup, unemployment, etc, which cause changes in social cues and routines (sleep time meal times, the time set aside for productivity, socialization, leisure activities, etc), which then disrupt the biological rhythms governing sleep/wake, energy levels, things like that. The chain goes the other way, too. Those of us with certain biological problems that disrupt things like our sleep have trouble setting our social routines, leading to interpersonal problems.
So, thus far, SRT has been about trying to tune in to biological rhythms, establish routine and structure again, and understand the links between what you did/didn't do and your mood/energy. Then, the larger project is identifying the barriers to holding on to these rhythms, promoting balance in our lives, and filling time with "meaningful activities."
There's quite a bit to it. This is honestly the part of the program that I found most important at the start. I do best when my life has structure and routine. That has completely broken down and made life very difficult.
So the first step is simply to set goals and collect data. I can't just post their forms, so I'll make up my own versions. For now, here's the basic info you'll collect:
So you set target times for waking up, meals, going to bed, work, leisure, taking meds - it's not like you need to specifically account for every minute of every day, but you want things that aren't set times (waking up) in blocks of 30 minutes or an hour (so things like "play video games" or, more generally, "hobbies," "free time," etc.). Meals, waking, going to bed, meds, are all ideally the same even on the weekend, but that's both unrealistic and undesirable for me. So I'll make a sheet with a column for each day of the week, target time columns for the week and weekend, and I'll fill in wake up, bed time, meals, with enough space between them for you to fill in your usual activities. I hope the general outline form I posted makes sense.
So the other things you record are the presence of other people for these things. It's not about how many people you are with, but more if anyone is there or not, and then their engagement in the activity with you. You either do them alone, in the presence of others, with others, or REALLY with others (like a party, or making sweet, sweet love (if you rate that a "1"...)).
Mood should be recorded at least twice a day - AM/PM - but three or even more times can be even better (we're encouraged to rate our mood 3 times a day). The scale is a little funny. 0 is a neutral mood. Plus one and minus one are going to represent "normal" variations to a positive or negative mood, respectively. So a -1 is a slightly negative mood, but sort of within what you'd consider your ideal "normal" variability in mood. At the extremes, +5 is frank mania and -5 is the kind of depressed state where you should probably be hospitalized. In my group, we've all kind of settled on -2 or -3 as our usual mood when depressed. Something like a +2 might be an unusually good day on a vacation or something.
So really, someone without depression or bipolar disorder will move between +1 and -1, depending on what's going on. Does that make sense?
Confusingly, energy is rated on the same scale. Many of us find little difference between mood and energy - a -3 mood comes with a -3 energy, but you can be tired but happy (+1/-1) or whatever. It's up to you to kind of say what the neutral, zero state is.
The scales themselves are less important (use 5 stars, 0 to 10, words instead of numbers...) than your consistency in using them. You don't want to say that a mood of zero is a neutral, neither happy nor sad state one day, and then later say that you are usually at a -2, so you're going to switch over and make zero your normal mood from now on. So some zeroes are neutral, and later some zeroes actually represent a pretty bad mood. Right?
So, really, the big idea is just to establish your ideal routine, work at meeting it, record how things make you feel and the energy you have, and look at how you're spending your time in social situations.
So you might establish an ideal schedule and initially fail miserably at meeting it. Later, you might meet it perfectly, but find that your energy is always collapsing in the evening. This may coincide with a lack of social contact (I've become an extrovert in the last few years and especially in the past year, which I'll discuss, because it's so weird for a life-long introvert [no one in this community believes me when I describe myself as "painfully shy." I recognize that the way I think of myself is no longer accurate) or you might look at your evening med dose, etc etc.
At first, it's about finding a routine, especially if you don't have a job or school to define big chunks of time. You want to establish your anchors, particularly social anchors - when are you spending time with others? Next, it's about seeing what is making it hard to keep the routine, if that happens (and it often does). Are negative social interactions making it hard to get to sleep? Stuff like that. You identify the barriers and see how to start working at them.
The last piece is looking at the balance in your life. You can divide it up many ways, but we've looked at a triangle of productive time (including work/school and things like housework), self care (meals, sleep, exercise), and leisure. Something like exercise may be in any of those three, or a bit in each. Again, the key is to identify your needs and see how your activities do or do not meet those needs.
Whew. Again, I'm happy to take questions. I'll have more to say as I continue in the program (7 days left). I'm sorry these entries are so long but a) I always post a lot anyway and b) I'm finding it so incredibly helpful, and having talked to some of you in mumble and IRC last night about it, it sounds like there are some of you who think this therapy would be awesome for you too. Fortunately, there really aren't any magical components to the therapy I'm doing. It doesn't involve any specialized equipment or medications (although having sorted out that piece is the reason I can do this therapy now) or anything. A few little forms to track things, which I can whip up, or you can make for yourself, some knowledge of the basic ideas, and a desire to do it are all you really need (having a team of professional leading you is pretty damn good, too, but you don't need a therapist to set your schedule and try to keep to it, right?). The other piece, which I hope we can provide here, is a group to work at things with. It's very, very helpful having that input, perspective, accountability, etc.
I'll discuss mindfulness next.
I've been feeling the exact same way lately. Went to a funeral this afternoon and I feel like I'm going to explode, but can't.
Sorry for the double post, but I don't want this bit to get lost in my wall o' text.
After I make up a social rhythm metric sheet, I want to propose that, for those interested, we start using them in here. Every Sunday (or we can choose another day), we can all post our results from the week and have some discussion. It'll give us a structured activity to do, and one that is specifically about structure. We'll be accountable to each other, can help each other, and you'll then have something to look at from your time in mental-health-GAF to see how you've (hopefully!) been getting better.
I'll be on IRC and mumble again tonight for a bit if you want to talk more about my therapy program, or just say hi! It's my scheduled GAF social time! After hanging back from the community a bit more in recent times, and then staying away completely for just a short period, it's been really great to see you guys again and start catching up!
In therapy, I'm realizing how much I've grown and changed because of this community and the friends I've found here. I'll post more about it, but the debt I owe you guys is immense.
<3
Let me know what you think about my social rhythm idea!
After I make up a social rhythm metric sheet, I want to propose that, for those interested, we start using them in here. Every Sunday (or we can choose another day), we can all post our results from the week and have some discussion. It'll give us a structured activity to do, and one that is specifically about structure. We'll be accountable to each other, can help each other, and you'll then have something to look at from your time in mental-health-GAF to see how you've (hopefully!) been getting better.
I'll be on IRC and mumble again tonight for a bit if you want to talk more about my therapy program, or just say hi! It's my scheduled GAF social time! After hanging back from the community a bit more in recent times, and then staying away completely for just a short period, it's been really great to see you guys again and start catching up!
In therapy, I'm realizing how much I've grown and changed because of this community and the friends I've found here. I'll post more about it, but the debt I owe you guys is immense.
<3
Let me know what you think about my social rhythm idea!
I feel like I don't have interests anymore. Everything just seems really meh to me now. It makes things difficult when I'm trying to have a conversation because I'm trying desperately to find something interesting to talk about, and I've learned that you can make virtually anything sound like an interesting conversation topic as long as you're passionate about it. But since I don't have that passion in my voice when I try to make conversation, even things that legitimately ARE interesting fall flat. I just want to be able to have something that I really enjoy doing and love telling others about. Even if they're not interested in what I'm talking about, it would afford some decent filler for those quiet gaps in conversations. I want my interests back. I can be an interesting and likeable person, I know I can. But it's so difficult while I'm feeling like this. I don't have to be super talkative but I want to have words that matter.
My mother has a lot on her mind right now. Heatlh issues, money issues, problems at her job... She is really on her nerves right now, and me being all shitty is making it worse. We had a big clash today. I almost thought she was going to kick me out... I kinda want to get out of the house for a few days, to avoid clashes and to leave her alone. But I don't really know where to go.
I know I need to talk to her. But she's already went to so much of this kind of issues with my bipolar sister, I feel like I need to get better on my own. Everytime I try to explain that I'm not feeling well, she thinks I'm acting or something like that.
The worse is that I know that. I know this is the worst reason to feel terrible. But I can't stop thinking about it. Everytime those thought pops in my head, I feel shitty, often almost breaking down. I feel really ashamed about it.
To me this is a reminder that I am so weak. Everytime I encounter something bad in my life. I just let go. I give up. I never try to make a serious effort to accomplish something. Mostly due to the fact that I hate pretty much everything I do and that I think that there will always be someone better or more deserving than me. It's the same thing with my social life. I don't have childhood or really good friends. I'm always ankward and end up creeping out or blanking the only few people who care about me, yet, I'm always looking for attention by throwing tantrums or complaining on twitter...
I think I really need to see a therapist and start treatment or it'll get way worse. I almost want to get hospitalised just for having a strong break from this (though that won't happen I guess...). Sadly, 'cause I'm dumb and broke, I don't think I have enough healthcare coverage for this. I'll see on Monday I guess.
Btw, thanks for listening and answering guys. It's nice.
Hospitals that provide behavioral health services also provide what's considered outpatient, partial hospitalization. You don't have to be at the point where you're strapped to a hospital bed to receive treatment. An analysis will be offered free of charge, and they will have a social worker on site to aid in any payment options. More often than not, if you can't pay for it they will provide you with their services for free. Now, of course, the way each state handles this will be different.
Have you looked into your options regarding emergency behavioral health care in your area? The national hotlines can give you referrals to local community resources, but, if you're uncomfortable with that route, can you ask yourself if there's anyone here that you're comfortable with that can help you research your options?
Yup, I know about this, my sister went to a "Resting House" ? (Maison de repos in French). Pretty much a non-medical institute with daily therapy. But I guess I won't qualify for this... It's just that the idea of spending a few days far away from all of my shit seems so appealing to me.
I kinda screwed up by not signing up to the employment agency because I knew I would not get benefits from them. So I have very limited healthcare. I can fix that, but it'll take at least a month before I'll get full coverage. As soon as I get it, I'll probably start to see my sister's therapist as he seems to be really good and kinda already knows about a few of my problems.
I'll probably go to a CMP (sort of free psy clinic) to ask them and maybe talk to someone.
Here's my generic version of the Social Rhythm Metric. You can grab your own version, customize it (at least put your name in a different color!) and we can start this project. Improvements and tweaks are welcome. We're going to make this our January project in the thread. More details to follow, but it's late and I'm going to bed.
Social Rhythm Metric
Note: make a copy of the master file, or download it.
Social Rhythm Metric
Note: make a copy of the master file, or download it.
I am interested but might not be able to commit until next weekend. Exam ahoy..
I'm right there with you - in general, I don't want to have stuff too planned out and fall into too much of a routine. But I know that, ultimately, it does make me feel better. There's research supporting various links between structure in life, and having what they keep calling "meaningful activities" in therapy, and improved mental health. So finding time for activities like, for me, calligraphy and writing, is already clearly linked to how I feel in general.
Having anchors in your routine - waking up, going to bed, meals, the time you take your meds, having a time in the morning where you have coffee with your SO, or send a morning text to a friend - kinda keeps you on an even keel. You don't need to micromanage your life, though. I don't think I'd force myself to do calligraphy every night at 7:00, for example. But having 7:00 set aside as a time when I take an hour (or, if I don't have that much time, even a few minutes) for my hobbies may be very important.
Does that make sense? You can just schedule a few key anchors - sleep, wake, one meal a day? - and see some benefits.
What you might also try, Prez, is just not filling in the target times and instead simply recording what you do during the week and when you do it. Fill in the info on people, mood, and energy, too. If you monitor it for a bit of time then, you might find certain things in your life that you do want to schedule more firmly. You can simply collect the data and leave out the part where you're trying to conform to some ideal routine. After looking at some data, you can decide how much or how little structure you might want to add in.
Thanks Bagel, sounds interesting and it could be really helpful for me! I will definitely participate
Also, it might be useful to note down long-term goals and divide those in smaller subgoals first. That way it should be easier to schedule the activities to reach those goals. And it's interesting to see what other people's goals are
Thanks Bagel, sounds interesting and it could be really helpful for me! I will definitely participate
Also, it might be useful to note down long-term goals and divide those in smaller subgoals first. That way it should be easier to schedule the activities to reach those goals. And it's interesting to see what other people's goals are
Right? Thanks for thinking of trying it even if it doesn't seem like exactly the kind of thing for you. The more people who participate, the more interesting it will be, yeah.
No pressure to start at any particular date. I might post some of what I had for this past week. Next Sunday, I'll post my full week. If I'm the only one, so be it!
I definitely need some basic routine in my life so this seems great for me. Are we supposed to post a full week schedule before it starts or wait until the week is over?
I am gonna do this too. It might be scary to actually see all the time I actually waste sleeping and whatnot but I think it will help. Perhaps it will also help me keep my resolutions on track. The whole idea sounds incredibly fascinating.
I don't have a full week recorded (I started therapy on Wednesday). If people want to start by posting their target times for the week, I'll chop that part of the form out and we can start posting some today (if people want to take screencaps so they're more visible to everyone, that might be best.
There's no pressure to start on any particular day, but I have a week of therapy, so I'll be filling this thing out all week and I plan on posting my results for the full week next Sunday. So start when you're comfortable, you can post target times (your ideal schedule) today (I'll put mine up in a second, and have a link to the form), and we'll plan on having the first data share in a week, on Sunday.
Social Rhythm Club
Target times for week of Jan-13
Again, download or make a copy of the master.
My rough schedule for the week
Target times for week of Jan-13
Again, download or make a copy of the master.
My rough schedule for the week
Well, in fairness, Seattle has been having a bit of a crime wave lately so that gun could still come in useful.
(But no, you should probably sell it, to remove the temptation.)
Sub_Level
wants to fuck an Asian grill.
Going out to the range to plink at targets can actually be good fun and might even be therapeutic at some level, but unless you're comfortable with yourself its maybe not a good idea to have that gun in your house/apartment right now.
When I had my little episode years ago, my dad took my guns away from me and it was probably a good decision.
Take it back. Get rid of it. You don't need it. Please stay.
oconnomiyaki
Member
I keep falling back into depressive states because or the identity crisis I seem absolutely stuck with. For a few days, I'll manage to dig myself out only to have everything suddenly come crashing down. Nothing triggers it, it's just suddenly I feel like I'm faking everything and I just want to run away from everything and start life over. I just don't feel like I have any sense of who I am and what I want in life. Like I have no real hopes or dreams and just feel like I'm existing out of mere curiosity. It's such a horrible, empty feeling.
I'm happy the new meds are working man!
For me, every day is existential crisis day.
MisterLuffy
Member
I don't hate school, I hate myself for not putting the effort into passing classes. I'm so nervous for this spring semester because I'm taking 4 classes. I don't know how I will manage because of my incompetence and not being motivated. I get depressed easily when I fail or when I know I've failed, mainly in exams. I've keep asking myself the same question, what's the point in moving forward? The only thing I'm looking forward towards my future is being a failure. A BIG FAT FAILURE WHOSE AN IDIOT WITH NO FUTURE...just saying that makes me even more depressed.
I look at this and just seeing a wake up time is incredibly overwhelming. I wake up from 11 to 3 on any given day. I spend so much time sleeping and so much time tired that this metric thing is scary.
I look at this and just seeing a wake up time is incredibly overwhelming. I wake up from 11 to 3 on any given day. I spend so much time sleeping and so much time tired that this metric thing is scary.
At which hour do you normally go to sleep?
Well, I do believe that feeling ill can worsen one's mood.
Austriacus
Member
You dont need to live in the future, no need for hopes and dreams. Life is about doing things you enjoy and are passionate about. If you havent found them, theres no need to start from scratch just keep looking for them and when you find them (because you will) make them part of your life.
As someone who struggles deeply with physical pain, I can confirm this. If I'm having a bad pain day, my mood immediately tanks and the depression/stress makes the pain worse. It's a nasty cycle.
DodgyGeezerFella
Member
Looks like i'm signed up for a CBT lecture in February, should be interesting .....
I look at this and just seeing a wake up time is incredibly overwhelming. I wake up from 11 to 3 on any given day. I spend so much time sleeping and so much time tired that this metric thing is scary.
I have the same problem so I'm just filling it in without times. For example, I'm going to do activity A for 1 hour in the afternoon and activity B for half an hour in the evening. I think it's best to start small and get used to a very basic routine before you go further, otherwise it gets too overwhelming and you give up.
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