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[Bisnic]

Do you spend any time with friends though? :S

And yes, it is waaay too early to be talking marriage, you don't even know each other yet (no, you don't. No, you do NOT). Perhaps it's the age thing, you know, it's "that time" in both your lives when you're supposed to settle down for good. Don't fall for it just for the sake of it.

I don't have much friends to begin with, so it's not like I have to worry about losing them because I spend too much time with my girlfriend or whatever. That's why her entering my life made it much more better, I was very lonely before.

I think you can probably reassure her that you have the intention of getting married without popping the question right now. Do you guys ever discuss future plans? That's a sure fire indication that you're both interested and committed.

Well, sometimes we discuss about living in a bigger apartment(we're kinda "jammed" a little in our bedroom with the bed, big wardrobe and the computer's desk), future studies/job for her (since she doesn't have a lot of money) or even childrens maybe(although i think it's way too soon for that).

Honestly, it just sounds like she needs a little reassurance. She wants to make sure she isn't just wasting her time on a relationship that won't go anywhere, especially at that age.

Yeah, she had bad experiences with her past boyfriends, I guess that would explain some things. She's not even used to be called beautiful! She gets all shy when I do and that's what she told me. What kind of boyfriends dont tell their girlfriend that they're beautiful?

Thanks for the few comments guys.

 

[isny]

What kind of boyfriends dont tell their girlfriend that they're beautiful?

Most?

 

[Bisnic]

Most?

Really? Well, i'm glad to be different than most boyfriends. Maybe that's why she loves me that much.

 

[isny]

Really? Well, i'm glad to be different than most boyfriends. Maybe that's why she loves me that much.

Maybe.

Most of us on GAF are "nice guys."

 

[PflargBlarg]

So, its been 5 months since i met my girlfriend, and 3 months since we started living together, and she's been giving me some, not so subtle, hints a couple of times that she wants to get married one day. But I never know what to say to that, i love her very much, and so does she, i can perfectly imaging spending the rest of my life with her, but I feel like its way too soon to even say "i want to marry you". Am i wrong? I can't just say "yes i'd like to, but not now, it's too soon, let's wait for a year" either no?

Interesting that she's so intense on getting married. My gf is from Quebec City, and from talking to her and also statistics in general, marriage is not a very big thing in Quebec. Quebec has the lowest marriage rate in Canada by a significant margin as well as having a huge majority of children born outside marriage.

She's not looking to get married ever and also doesn't want children, which is fine by me!

Any how, we moved just as fast as you guys. We would already be living together if it weren't for our current leases not ending until march (been together since early october). I think you're doing just fine, so just let her know that you are totally into the idea of marrying her but you should probably both be very sure that this is what you want to do.

 

[Bisnic]

Interesting that she's so intense on getting married. My gf is from Quebec City, and from talking to her and also statistics in general, marriage is not a very big thing in Quebec. Quebec has the lowest marriage rate in Canada by a significant margin as well as having a huge majority of children born outside marriage.

Well, she was always a bit romantic, the simplest thing(flowers for example) make her go crazy, so imagine what a marriage will do to her. :lol

And yeah, those statistics don't surprise much, Quebec isn't as religious as the rest of the continent i think, no one goes to churches anymore other than old people. When people marry, its more of a symbol of love than anything related to God.

 

[Kung Fu Jedi]

My girl and I have known each other since July, been dating since August, and we're talking about marriage already. We're not in any rush, and it won't happen this year, but we talk about it being in the cards for our future. We're long distance at the moment and working on getting in the same city first. Once we're together and living in the same space, we'll take the next step. If all goes well, I'd like to be engaged this summer and then go from there.

I think it is perfectly okay to talk about those things, even if they aren't in your immediate future. Sharing your thoughts and feelings on the relationship is a good thing, and personally I feel like it is nice to make future plans together.

 

[PBY]

My girl and I have known each other since July, been dating since August, and we're talking about marriage already. We're not in any rush, and it won't happen this year, but we talk about it being in the cards for our future. We're long distance at the moment and working on getting in the same city first. Once we're together and living in the same space, we'll take the next step. If all goes well, I'd like to be engaged this summer and then go from there.

I think it is perfectly okay to talk about those things, even if they aren't in your immediate future. Sharing your thoughts and feelings on the relationship is a good thing, and personally I feel like it is nice to make future plans together.

Aw man, less than a year and long distance; huge red flags in terms of where you are in a relationship in terms of marriage.

I've been there, thats totally still the honeymoon phase. Take it slow.

 

[Kung Fu Jedi]

Aw man, less than a year and long distance; huge red flags in terms of where you are in a relationship in terms of marriage.

I've been there, thats totally still the honeymoon phase. Take it slow.

Trust me. We're fine. We both have a great perspective on where we're at and where we're going. Lots of great communication between the two of us as well. It helps that I'm older than probably just about anyone in this thread as well.

 

[PBY]

Trust me. We're fine. We both have a great perspective on where we're at and where we're going. Lots of great communication between the two of us as well. It helps that I'm older than probably just about anyone in this thread as well.

Sound like you got solid perspective, best of luck w/ the relationship.

 

[Vigilant Walrus]

Can anyone of you give advice on this:


- We love each other but broke up because we are heading in both directions. Both want to be together, but I am moving to a new life in a new city, she is working like crazy to travel in Asia. Decided breaking up was the best course of action, and try and see if there is still a spark when we meet up again.

- We couldn't figure out what to do. So we decided to have no contact for two weeks. We don't know if we ant to cut off all contacts and for how many months. should we meet? should we hang out every so often? should we allow ourselves to kiss? we're not friends on facebook anymore and stuff like that.

- We've decided that if one of us moves on and is not in love with the other anymore, the person has to tell the other.. in person.

- We're allowed to date other people now that we are not together. to allow us to grow and live our lives, but we don't talk about it unless someone asks.





This is tough for me. I love this girl, she says she loves me deeply, but the way things were going, logistic and free time wise we just couldn't be there for each other right now.

Now I need to move on, but I also have her in the back of my mind. How do I allow myself to date, find new women and still keep my flair for her?
I don't wanna forget her, but I don't wanna obsess over her like some fantasy.

 

[Out of Working Order]

The first bolded: That is actually a textbook (and I mean LITERALLY) a textbook example of way too negative cognitive schemata and self perception. The women who pull up when you're there don't do that because you arrive. They probably don't even see you. Not because they ignore you, but because people in general just don't pay THAT much attention.

And sorry to say, but women glaring at you and looking past or through you might have been a too negative interpretation from your side. In general people smile back and say hello in a friendly manner if you do that yourself. But it has to be a carefree and secure smile. There are ways to change this, CBT is a realy helpful tool, it can be done by yourself, but therapists specialize in this sort of stuff. The only way too overcome this is change your own way of thinking, and getting out of your comfort zone. Smiling to people, talking to people. And if they don't smile back, don't think it's because they don't like you. It's most likely they're stuck up assholes or bitches. Or they have other stuff on their mind. Probably the latter.

The second bolded: get the fuck out of your room There is an entire world out there with cool things to do. Do you live in a big city? Take half an hour and google for things that have your interest. Can be clubs like hiking, concerts, readings, courses, take a train or whatever to a city you don't know and just wander around (I'm DYING o do this again). point is, the only way to experience and do things that you think you'll like, is going out and doing them. If you've got some money, the only thing that's keeping you from doing those is your mind.

The third bolded: Someone on GAF here said it, don't recall who exactly. But the only thing that seperates women from men is their vagina and a pair of boobs. Do you think men operate on a completely different level from you?

I'd be willing to offer some concrete help via PM, because I think I've gone through a LOT of the same shit you've been through, and stil am. But I'd just recommend seeing a therapist. That's why they exist, a lot of people deal with the same stuff, and there's no shame in doing so whatsoever. They won't care, and you shouldn't care.

Thanks for your advice and offer. Very helpful. I really don't know how I ended up having such a negative perception of myself. I don't know whether I am willing to try therapy - it sounds so extreme. It's scary because I am so sensitive to rejection, and yet I have to put myself out there and open myself up to it so fully. And after a few harsh rejections, it will no doubt reinforce my negative perception of women and myself.

I live in a town, but I am within short distance to a city. Only a short train journey away. I keep wondering whether using Meetup is a good idea or not. I'd be so damned nervous though.

One thing I will say is that one woman keeps viewing my okcupid profile. I view her and then it shows that she's viewed back. Normally; if women view my profile at all; they will look one time only, even if I return to their profile a few times. Is this any indication of interest? I sent her a message today and got no response, so... can't say I didn't try. Another woman I wanted to message, I had to request permission to message her because I don't meet her requirements. She viewed my profile but didn't accept. Oh, well. And if she did eventually accept, it'd put pressure on me to meet her expectations.

 

[Kung Fu Jedi]

Sound like you got solid perspective, best of luck w/ the relationship.

Thanks, it should also be noted that despite the fact that we are long distance, we have seen each other every two weeks since August. That's a pretty good rate for two people who live in different states and have to get on a flight to see one another.

 

[Arkos]

Ok, I'm looking for a dating website RelationshipGAF. And by dating website I mean people (women) to have sex with. Please advise.

 

[Servbot24]

Ok, I'm looking for a dating website RelationshipGAF. And by dating website I mean people (women) to have sex with. Please advise.

I think Tinder is the hook-up site these days? Haven't tried it myself.



Do you guys think it's possible to meet girls on facebook? I'm always adding people on there I haven't met if they're good at drawing, and I end up seeing quite a few cute girls in my news feed. Can't think what I would say aside from "awesome drawings!" though.

 

[Out of Working Order]

Can't see why not. Have you got some of your drawings up? Comment and perhaps they'll take interest in you.

 

[Minamu]

Any dating site would work for hook-ups. Making most girls comfortable with the idea though, that's something else entirely.

 

[Arkos]

Ok so how do I tinder. I can only "like" people? Are messages able to be sent? I am confused.

 

[Unicorn]

I think Tinder is the hook-up site these days? Haven't tried it myself.



Do you guys think it's possible to meet girls on facebook? I'm always adding people on there I haven't met if they're good at drawing, and I end up seeing quite a few cute girls in my news feed. Can't think what I would say aside from "awesome drawings!" though.

People aren't typically on Facebook for hookups. It's an uphill challenge, but send a message instead of a comment.

 

[beat]

Ok so how do I tinder. I can only "like" people? Are messages able to be sent? I am confused.

You can only send messages to someone you like who has liked you back. You won't see if someone has liked you before you like or nope them. But if two people like each other on Tinder, then they can send messages.

 

[Arkos]

You can only send messages to someone you like who has liked you back. You won't see if someone has liked you before you like or nope them. But if two people like each other on Tinder, then they can send messages.

Ha clever. I will do research. *ahem*

Wait, so I just check the app to see if I've gotten any common "likes" right?

 

[Minamu]

I'd try OKC, POF and Badoo first and foremost, depending on where you live.

 

[Arkos]

Damnit I need a face pic for all of these dating sites lol. My face is horribly disfigured.

Spoiler

It's not, I'm just shy

And I also have virtually no pictures of myself from the past 5 years, so I'll have to take some creepy selfie. Bleh. All of these people on Tinder have these wonderful face pics. Feelin the pressure, dating is such a grind lol. Get it?

 

[Servbot24]

Damnit I need a face pic for all of these dating sites lol. My face is horribly disfigured.

Spoiler

It's not, I'm just shy

And I also have virtually no pictures of myself from the past 5 years, so I'll have to take some creepy selfie. Bleh. All of these people on Tinder have these wonderful face pics. Feelin the pressure, dating is such a grind lol. Get it?

Just get a friend to take your picture for you.

 

[Minamu]

Just get a friend to take your picture for you.

Yeah that's what I did. Well they were for facebook really, and my friend photoshop practice so they're pretty touched up but that's cool, I apparently look even better irl xD

 

[TheExodu5]

Do you guys think it's possible to meet girls on facebook? I'm always adding people on there I haven't met if they're good at drawing, and I end up seeing quite a few cute girls in my news feed. Can't think what I would say aside from "awesome drawings!" though.

Sure...I'm seeing a girl who I first messaged on Facebook 2 weeks ago. She wasn't just a random girl though...she knew some friends (though I hadn't talked to them in years).

 

[RELAYER]

Today was my first day of classes. I have anxiety issues.

I got there early and selected a secluded desk in the corner.
People began filtering in.

Suddenly a very attractive girl walked in the door and was headed towards a window seat. She glanced in my direction, did a double-take as we made eye-contact, and then seemingly instinctively changed direction and sat in the desk right next to mine.

I immediately became incredibly nervous and began drawing in my notebook to distract myself from anxiety. The room suddenly seemed very small and cramped. I felt claustrophobic and trapped.

The professor came in and class started. About 20 minutes in he asked me to answer a question, which I did. At the sound of my voice the girl stared at me for about 20 seconds, which I noticed out the corner of my eye as I wrote on my papers.

Eventually it all became unbearable and I excused myself to the bathroom and nearly threw up in the stall.

I'm going to die alone.

 

[Servbot24]

That sounds pretty serious, you should probably see a psychologist about it.

 

[ChubbyHuggs]

Today was my first day of classes. I have anxiety issues.

I got there early and selected a secluded desk in the corner.
People began filtering in.

Suddenly a very attractive girl walked in the door and was headed towards a window seat. She glanced in my direction, did a double-take as we made eye-contact, and then seemingly instinctively changed direction and sat in the desk right next to mine.

I immediately became incredibly nervous and began drawing in my notebook to distract myself from anxiety. The room suddenly seemed very small and cramped. I felt claustrophobic and trapped.

The professor came in and class started. About 20 minutes in he asked me to answer a question, which I did. At the sound of my voice the girl stared at me for about 20 seconds, which I noticed out the corner of my eye as I wrote on my papers.

Eventually it all became unbearable and I excused myself to the bathroom and nearly threw up in the stall.

I'm going to die alone.

Jesus... Do you take meds or see a therapist?

 

[RELAYER]

No.
It's something I just try to deal with the best I can.
It makes meeting people/making friends next to impossible though.

 

[ChubbyHuggs]

No.
It's something I just try to deal with the best I can.
It makes meeting people/making friends next to impossible though.

Well, how do you usually cope with your anxiety?

 

[RELAYER]

Well, how do you usually cope with your anxiety?

A multitude of tactics, some healthy, most not.
It is difficult to remain grounded in those situations because my sensitivity pathologically skyrockets.

From what I remember, I think it started in 6th grade when I used to be bullied on the school bus. I used to get incredibly nervous because I would feel trapped, and I would make myself throw up every morning in the bathroom before leaving the house in order to get rid of the nauseated feeling.

When I became older and I started gaining more autonomy, I began simply avoiding things that seemed stressful to me. I dropped out of marching band, started skipping school, refused to go on family trips, et cetera. I lost a lot of friends over the years who thought I didn't like them or thought I was boring or something because I never wanted to go out.

When I got a little older I started getting drunk before I had to do anything big to help with the anxiety. I still do this for major things. I often get drunk before having to take a big test or giving a presentation. If I do something social, I pretty much have to be drinking.

Last semester, I seemed to briefly discover the power of positive thinking. I felt like I had discovered some magical secret by which I could unfailingly transmute my feelings of nervousness and fear into a sense of excitement and adventure.
Somehow I became this maniacal, absurdly confident übermensch, keen on making the most of life and inspiring others through my heroic deeds.
This lasted for around 5 or 6 months before fading.

I didn't intend to focus the discussion on anxiety. I know this is the dating thread not the mental health thread.

I guess the reason I posted that here though is because I'm started to wonder if it will ever be possible for me to find someone and to have life experiences with someone, given the way that I am. It's something that I've been reflecting on a lot lately. I remember over the Christmas break sitting at the airport and observing a father with his two young children preparing to board the plane, and wondering how on earth he does it.

I think that it's hard enough for normal people, much less people as peculiar and apparently damaged as myself.

 

[Pau]

RELAYER, go see a therapist.

 

[bigfunkychiken]

Relayer, if your anxiety is as bad as you described, you really should seek some sort of help or guidance from a therapist.

 

[Out of Working Order]

Thirded. Tell them your coping mechanisms and they might be able to work through it with you and help you find a real solution.

 

[RELAYER]

I'd rather not see a therapist because then "focusing on anxiety" will become a permanent fixture in my weekly life.

I know, "That's kind of the point" you might say, but I suspect that routinely talking about it will just reenforce it rather than the opposite.

Of course, not much is working anyways

The real trouble with all of this is that anxiety is only the beginning. The effects of it spread out and cause more problems. I think that I have no friends because of it. I think that I'm socially maladjusted because of it. I think I'm prone to frequent and consuming fantasizing because of it. I think that I'm depressed, at times dangerously so, because of it.

And the trouble is that all of those secondary problems now exist independently of the anxiety itself. They are now their own demons.

I sincerely believe that this is just who I am at this point. I've been this way for so long. I think that I may have periods like the past 5-6 months where I didn't have a shred of fear in my soul, but I think that returning to how I am now will always be the base line. I think it's simply an embedded part of my personality. Which is troubling, because I feel that it means I will have incredible difficulty finding friends, much less a significant other. "You have to fix yourself before you find others" you might say. But it seems likely that this is just who I am. I'm actually to the point where I consider it more fruitful to focus on how to cope with accepting solitude over focusing on how to become socially successful.

I apologize if I don't seem receptive to your kind attention and suggestions. I understand how frustrating that can be. I'm simply venting I guess.

 

[ChubbyHuggs]

I didn't intend to focus the discussion on anxiety. I know this is the dating thread not the mental health thread.

If you intent to ever have a healthy relationship with anyone you need to focus on finding healthy ways to cope with your anxiety. I'm sure you already know that, but the main point is you should focus on yourself for now.

I'd rather not see a therapist because then "focusing on anxiety" will become a permanent fixture in my weekly life.

I know, "That's kind of the point" you might say, but I suspect that routinely talking about it will just reenforce it rather than the opposite.

It doesn't have to just be focused on your anxiety, but ways to help you be more relaxed in general.

 

[PBY]

I'd rather not see a therapist because then "focusing on anxiety" will become a permanent fixture in my weekly life.

I know, "That's kind of the point" you might say, but I suspect that routinely talking about it will just reenforce it rather than the opposite.

Of course, not much is working anyways

The real trouble with all of this is that anxiety is only the beginning. The effects of it spread out and cause more problems. I think that I have no friends because of it. I think that I'm socially maladjusted because of it. I think I'm prone to frequent and consuming fantasizing because of it. I think that I'm depressed, at times dangerously so, because of it.

And the trouble is that all of those secondary problems now exist independently of the anxiety itself. They are now their own demons.

I sincerely believe that this is just who I am at this point. I've been this way for so long. I think that I may have periods like the past 5-6 months where I didn't have a shred of fear in my soul, but I think that returning to how I am now will always be the base line. I think it's simply an embedded part of my personality. Which is troubling, because I feel that it means I will have incredible difficulty finding friends, much less a significant other. "You have to fix yourself before you find others" you might say. But it seems likely that this is just who I am. I'm actually to the point where I consider it more fruitful to focus on how to cope with accepting solitude over focusing on how to become socially successful.

I apologize if I don't seem receptive to your kind attention and suggestions. I understand how frustrating that can be. I'm simply venting I guess.

Maybe therapy could help.

May I suggest something else- lift. Learn and focus on improving ur body, and your mind will get a boost.

OT Community fitness thread can help you if you choose this.

 

[Idde]

Thanks for your advice and offer. Very helpful. I really don't know how I ended up having such a negative perception of myself. I don't know whether I am willing to try therapy - it sounds so extreme. It's scary because I am so sensitive to rejection, and yet I have to put myself out there and open myself up to it so fully. And after a few harsh rejections, it will no doubt reinforce my negative perception of women and myself.

I live in a town, but I am within short distance to a city. Only a short train journey away. I keep wondering whether using Meetup is a good idea or not. I'd be so damned nervous though.

One thing I will say is that one woman keeps viewing my okcupid profile. I view her and then it shows that she's viewed back. Normally; if women view my profile at all; they will look one time only, even if I return to their profile a few times. Is this any indication of interest? I sent her a message today and got no response, so... can't say I didn't try. Another woman I wanted to message, I had to request permission to message her because I don't meet her requirements. She viewed my profile but didn't accept. Oh, well. And if she did eventually accept, it'd put pressure on me to meet her expectations.

You're talking about it here already, looking for some sort of help. The only difference with a therapist would be that you pay him, and that he or she should actually be trained in properly helping you

THE advice in DAting Age is to meet as much people as possible, to develop yourself, become as carefree and happy with yourself as possible. You said you wanted to bring something to the table for future dates. A confident and carefree attitude is a big something. And it should make dates or relationships a lot more fun.

Now meeting new people and having fun interactions with them (including women) has been made more difficult for you, for whatever reason. So there's an obstacle between what you would like, and where you're at now, right? So remove the obstacle. This is also very much getting out of your comfort zone, in a way that will DEFINITELY help you on the rest of your way. I know a LOT of people wo just had five or six talks with a therapist and had succes.

Now your situation isn't severe at all, but it's still hampering you. Why refrain from doing something that could benefit you? The potential rewards are huge, and the risks completely non-existent.

I'd rather not see a therapist because then "focusing on anxiety" will become a permanent fixture in my weekly life.

I know, "That's kind of the point" you might say, but I suspect that routinely talking about it will just reenforce it rather than the opposite.

Of course, not much is working anyways

The real trouble with all of this is that anxiety is only the beginning. The effects of it spread out and cause more problems. I think that I have no friends because of it. I think that I'm socially maladjusted because of it. I think I'm prone to frequent and consuming fantasizing because of it. I think that I'm depressed, at times dangerously so, because of it.

And the trouble is that all of those secondary problems now exist independently of the anxiety itself. They are now their own demons.

I sincerely believe that this is just who I am at this point. I've been this way for so long. I think that I may have periods like the past 5-6 months where I didn't have a shred of fear in my soul, but I think that returning to how I am now will always be the base line. I think it's simply an embedded part of my personality. Which is troubling, because I feel that it means I will have incredible difficulty finding friends, much less a significant other. "You have to fix yourself before you find others" you might say. But it seems likely that this is just who I am. I'm actually to the point where I consider it more fruitful to focus on how to cope with accepting solitude over focusing on how to become socially successful.

I apologize if I don't seem receptive to your kind attention and suggestions. I understand how frustrating that can be. I'm simply venting I guess.

Would you one day want to be like the dad with his kids at the airport? Or do you want to live the rest of your life in fear? The way your headed now the latter is a given. If you go see a therapist the first is completely possible. The drinking, agoraphobia and anxiety are all pretty well known, and any therapist worth his salt should be able to help you with this.

I firmly think that nobody just "is who he is", and holding on to that belief can really hold you back in changing. And to me it sounds like you're in a situation where a bit of change would be REALLY good for you. Look at the first post of this thread. Minamu changed a great deal, and is now happier for it. I changed quite a bit, and I'm certainly happier for it. You're dealt a real shitty hand. Change that. You wouldn't break your leg and say: "Well, I broke my leg, I'll just learn to deal with that." You'd get it mended, right?

That's exactly what therapy is. Breaking a leg is just physical, so you see a physical doctor. Bouts of depression, drinking, anxiety and agoraphobia are psychological, so you see a psychologist. And it already has a huge place in your life. Getting help will give it more attention, but the constructive, good kind. The way it is now, it might deteriorate even more.

And yes, someone who seemingly refuses to listen and disregards advice a bit is a bit frustrating. But not because the advice is not followed up on, but because that most likely means someone will stay in their...less then ideal situation. That's the frustrating part.

Anyway, I spoke to my best friends girlfriends sister two days ago. Asked her if she'd like to get dinner someday. Of course she replied: "I'd love to, but only as friends." Or with her sister and my friend. So major bummer there. We continue talking over facebook for half an hour and it's just SO MUCH FUN. After that facebookconversation I set up a date with somebody else, which I was holding off a bit. So I move on.

But then I had dinner with my friend and his girlfriend yesterday, they asked how everything went. So I tell her she politely blew me of, and the girlfriend said she expected that might happen. But that I shouldn't give up just yet. That it is more Isabelladoras style to just let it grow more naturally. She'd talk to her and see what's up.

So, what do I do? Just see other people, sort of wait this out, and see if it becomes something more over the course of time? Everything I've learned in here boils down to: If a woman doesn't like you immediately, move on, don't linger around waiting to be friendzoned. But the girlfriend knows her sister better then I do, and well..it WAS a lot of fun. And she's really cute, an awesome dancer, very funny, highly intelligent, pretty athletic. And pretty hot. Sooo..thoughts?

 

[bigfunkychiken]

You're talking about it here already, looking for some sort of help. The only difference with a therapist would be that you pay him, and that he or she should actually be trained in properly helping you

THE advice in DAting Age is to meet as much people as possible, to develop yourself, become as carefree and happy with yourself as possible. You said you wanted to bring something to the table for future dates. A confident and carefree attitude is a big something. And it should make dates or relationships a lot more fun.

Now meeting new people and having fun interactions with them (including women) has been made more difficult for you, for whatever reason. So there's an obstacle between what you would like, and where you're at now, right? So remove the obstacle. This is also very much getting out of your comfort zone, in a way that will DEFINITELY help you on the rest of your way. I know a LOT of people wo just had five or six talks with a therapist and had succes.

Now your situation isn't severe at all, but it's still hampering you. Why refrain from doing something that could benefit you? The potential rewards are huge, and the risks completely non-existent.



Would you one day want to be like the dad with his kids at the airport? Or do you want to live the rest of your life in fear? The way your headed now the latter is a given. If you go see a therapist the first is completely possible. The drinking, agoraphobia and anxiety are all pretty well known, and any therapist worth his salt should be able to help you with this.

I firmly think that nobody just "is who he is", and holding on to that belief can really hold you back in changing. And to me it sounds like you're in a situation where a bit of change would be REALLY good for you. Look at the first post of this thread. Minamu changed a great deal, and is now happier for it. I changed quite a bit, and I'm certainly happier for it. You're dealt a real shitty hand. Change that. You wouldn't break your leg and say: "Well, I broke my leg, I'll just learn to deal with that." You'd get it mended, right?

That's exactly what therapy is. Breaking a leg is just physical, so you see a physical doctor. Bouts of depression, drinking, anxiety and agoraphobia are psychological, so you see a psychologist. And it already has a huge place in your life. Getting help will give it more attention, but the constructive, good kind. The way it is now, it might deteriorate even more.

And yes, someone who seemingly refuses to listen and disregards advice a bit is a bit frustrating. But not because the advice is not followed up on, but because that most likely means someone will stay in their...less then ideal situation. That's the frustrating part.

Anyway, I spoke to my best friends girlfriends sister two days ago. Asked her if she'd like to get dinner someday. Of course she replied: "I'd love to, but only as friends." Or with her sister and my friend. So major bummer there. We continue talking over facebook for half an hour and it's just SO MUCH FUN. After that facebookconversation I set up a date with somebody else, which I was holding off a bit. So I move on.

But then I had dinner with my friend and his girlfriend yesterday, they asked how everything went. So I tell her she politely blew me of, and the girlfriend said she expected that might happen. But that I shouldn't give up just yet. That it is more Isabelladoras style to just let it grow more naturally. She'd talk to her and see what's up.

So, what do I do? Just see other people, sort of wait this out, and see if it becomes something more over the course of time? Everything I've learned in here boils down to: If a woman doesn't like you immediately, move on, don't linger around waiting to be friendzoned. But the girlfriend knows her sister better then I do, and well..it WAS a lot of fun. And she's really cute, an awesome dancer, very funny, highly intelligent, pretty athletic. And pretty hot. Sooo..thoughts?

Well, if you really like this girl, I can't see how it'd hurt to give her a shot for a few more weeks. But set some sort of date where you'll end things or whatever if her feelings don't grow to reflect yours. Some girls just seem to work that way though; sometimes you need a bit of patience.

 

[anarckitty]

Ok, I'm looking for a dating website RelationshipGAF. And by dating website I mean people (women) to have sex with. Please advise.

PoF is probably your best bet. There are a lot of people on there DTF. I know because I used to be on it.

Spoiler

lol. jk.... kinda

 

[SquiddyCracker]

I dreamed of two dating encounters that I then wrote about in this thread.

fml.

 

[mt1200]

Ok, I'm looking for a dating website RelationshipGAF. And by dating website I mean people (women) to have sex with. Please advise.

I'd say Okcupid, but it depends on what country you are in.

 

[stn]

@Arkos

Any of the sites can work, though POF is probably a better bet than OKC. People there seem to be much simpler.

@Relayer

You can either accept your circumstances or work through them. I assume you have anxiety because you fear being judged by others? You need to ignore that feeling and move past it. If you give up on yourself then no-one else will have faith in you, know what I mean? I think if you spend enough time around people you'll realize that many people out there just want to have a good time. And perhaps that will get you over your anxiety. Because, from the looks of it, you have some clear issues being around people.

If sitting in a classroom makes you nauseous, well, I really think you should seek therapy. Vomiting because a girl made eye contact with you is excessive, man. Don't ignore the obvious signs that you need help.

 

[Entropia]

Ok, I'm looking for a dating website RelationshipGAF. And by dating website I mean people (women) to have sex with. Please advise.

PoF is probably your best bet. There are a lot of people on there DTF. I know because I used to be on it.

Spoiler

lol. jk.... kinda

@Arkos

Any of the sites can work, though POF is probably a better bet than OKC. People there seem to be much simpler.

POF has a much lower entry barrier, so yeah it's your best shot.

 

[Minamu]

Pof isnt available worldwide though so theres that caveat.

 

[hydrophilic attack]

Go for it! YOLO.

Don't pass up opportunities.

If you say no, are you sure you won't regret it later?

Yeah, I would definitely regret it if I didn't go for it. I found her pretty damn attractive despite the large age gap (although I was pretty drunk) and the inappropriateness of the situation turns me on.

We decided she'll come over for dinner and sex next week. I love how direct she is. Wish me luck GAF!

 

[zeemumu]

Dating sites appear to be the main method of relationships in this thread, and in GAF in general as I found out in one of my last threads.

 

[Minamu]

Dating sites appear to be the main method of relationships in this thread, and in GAF in general as I found out in one of my last threads.

Hardly I'm a strong advocate for being social irl. It's just that there're so many in here who for multiple poor reasons choose to not do that.

 

[zeemumu]

Hardly I'm a strong advocate for being social irl. It's just that there're so many in here who for multiple poor reasons choose to not do that.

Because it's hard to take that first step in introductions and a dating site profile does it for you? And a dating site let's you be more specific about the kind of person that you're looking for. I don't use a dating site but my reasoning for the irl part is that I'm not particularly attracted to anyone that I see and the only women that I could imagine myself going out with are ones that I already know and are part of my social circle, but I don't want a rejection to ripple through my social circle so I don't.