Mental Health |OT| Depression & Co.

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Hey dudes I'm back. I could really use some good advice for the situation I'm in right now. Like.. really good advice. I'm a huge mess pretty much crying every night. My sadness is extremely unhealthy and I want some way out.

I was ridiculously happy for the longest time. I got a job in Florida at the same company with my girlfriend, so I moved down here and had the most fun I've ever had in my life. Made new friends, got a decently paying job, rented out an apartment with some good roommates for cheap. I felt like for the first time I had a well-established life with an extremely hopeful future. Working at the same company with my girlfriend wasn't even an issue, we got along great. Healthiest, greatest relationship I've ever been in. We were both so in love with each other.

Fast forward to now... my girlfriend broke up with me over religion. I was Agnostic and she's Catholic. I was very open minded to other religions but that wasn't enough for her to second guess our future together. We decided to take a 'break' that just made her more distant and me more depressed. Then we decided to officially break up and try to be friends, which has been completely agonizing for me. Given our circumstances working together we can't cut ties completely (I see her face daily). But given how much I loved and cared for her and how fast she's become distant to me and put our relationship out of her mind... the past few months have been absolutely heartbreaking and extremely unhealthy for me... we don't hang out anymore and even trying to communicate with her (about the relationship or anything) is very forced feeling. We don't talk about the relationship anymore. She's decided that she doesn't have anything else to say about the situation and she's that she just doesn't want a relationship. There's nothing more to be said on the subject I guess.

On top of that I consider myself a Catholic these days, go to church every week, and it's helped me a huge amount getting through this depression. It's a really weird feeling having someone break up with you over religion, only to find yourself the same religion as the person who broke up with you. I guess she has her other reasons and I need to respect that, but I wish she was able to communicate with me at least a little bit :(

So pretty much, the person I was madly in love with (and she with me) and helped make my life so amazingly happy for the longest time decided to leave me, won't communicate about it with me, and is completely detached from the subject. I'm doing my best to respect her decision and try to be a friend, but it's gotten to the point where I just want to leave. It's usually best to just cut ties and move on, but I can't do that right now. It's like a wound that keeps reopening itself.

Along with the relationship problems, I also have a serious student debt which keeps me from quitting and getting some much needed distance. On top of THAT, the complex that I am staying at discovered that I am renting through my roommates (subleasing, I found them through craigslist). They have a strict policy on not renting out rooms, so I am being evicted in the next month. I have nowhere else to move yet.

Also my dog died, my mom is sick, my brother doesn't have a job and smokes all day, and my dad is physically disabled. I'm just ranting out other problems right now but blah.

I've contemplated quitting and moving back home despite my finances. But both my ex and many of my friends advise me not to leave Florida. She wants me to stick around, and I do wish I was able to be okay with the situation. But these feelings have been killing me for way too long.

My plan of action right now is to try to survive here a little longer, find a new place to live. Then find a new job elsewhere, maybe California, and leave this chapter of my life behind.

I really wish I could find a way to stay here and be happy. I like my job and I like the people here. But this breakup has thrown everything out of whack and I love her way too much no matter how hard I try to put it in the past.

I know she still cares about me.. she's just shut off her feelings. Despite the breakup, we never fought and never had bad feelings towards each other. I'd do anything to fix this situation but the best thing I can do is be her friend and hope these feelings of mine don't rip me apart.

The feelings are ripping me apart though :( No matter how many times I tell myself I can get through this emotionally, the wound keeps opening.

Is finding a new job and leaving the best course to take? Please, any help I can get is greatly appreciated.

tl;dr: I work with my girlfriend. She broke up with me over religion. It's extremely painful to work with her and see her on a daily basis, but I can't quit my job and cut ties with her.
 
Me and my older brother had a talk about me staying at home all day for a month. He told me that I should get out of the house and find a job. I agree with him. I also agree that he told me to stop having self pity. Meaning I make up excuses or telling myself that I wouldn't get a job, that I would fail in life, etc. He said it's not healthy for me to have that kind of thought and to be at home all day. I didn't deny his statements, I just stayed silent because there is nothing I could say.

I want to get out of this situation. I don't mind trying to go outside for a walk. But I don't want to work because I hate when I don't have answers to peoples' questions or when my brain shuts off most of the times when getting into bad situations with the customers. Even though I get answers from managers, I still forget and kept asking coworkers or managers for help. I don't want to experience that again. My little brother works at the job I used work in, and he's much more fit to the job than I am. I got laid off. My little brother got hired, and been working there ever since. Oh and the job I used to work in was Macy's.
 
Man I made it through what wouldve been one of the most anxiety filled situations in recent memory on Tuesday afternoon. NYC and Long island were forecasting 8-15in of snow that night and into Wednesday morning. I left work early to catch an early afternoon train to beat most of the storm but everyone had the same idea. Standing room only in the train doorways, literally packed in there like sardines, could not move your arms at all and people were still trying to pack in. Its like that photo of the train conductor pushing passengers into the crowded train car door. I was pinned up against the plexiglass wall where advertisements are taped on, for close to 2 hours. Ugh, it was tough as hell but I made it through. There were a few times I felt my heart pounding and my breathing got more intense. It took me about 3 and a half hours to get home. Proud of myself for not flipping out and jumping out at one of the stops. :)
 
I'm happy to see all of my friends in happy relationships, but whenever they talk about them to me I have to keep myself from breaking down and crying because although I'm happy for them, it hurts to know that I'm pretty much on my own.
 
In the introduction you wrote to Mental Disorders in the Classical World, you talk about "medicalizing mental illness." When and why did people start to be seen as sick instead of crazy?

Some time in the late 5th century B.C., some member of the school of Hippocrates wrote a treatise "On the Sacred Disease," in which he argued that the "sacred disease," i.e. epilepsy, was a physiological syndrome, and very soon all doctors and scientists (in so far as such a category existed) came to think that crazy people were sick (but not that they were not crazy).

Greek doctors did not distinguish sharply between physical and mental disorders, and they did not have concepts that correspond simply with "depression" or "schizophrenia." Roberto Lo Presti, in the book we are talking about, examines at length the development of Greek thinking about epilepsy. Greek doctors always tended to think that what we call psychoses were physiological in nature..
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Diagnosing Mental Illness in Ancient Greece and Rome
 
zeemumu said:
I'm happy to see all of my friends in happy relationships, but whenever they talk about them to me I have to keep myself from breaking down and crying because although I'm happy for them, it hurts to know that I'm pretty much on my own.
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I don't know if this is going to hurt or help, but when you do end up in a relationship, it's not a cure. It is wholly possible to feel isolated and alone in a relationship. The thing is, you're never really on your own, even if you feel that way. The opposite can be just as true...the whole "alone in a crowd" thing.
 
Omegasquash said:
I don't know if this is going to hurt or help, but when you do end up in a relationship, it's not a cure. It is wholly possible to feel isolated and alone in a relationship. The thing is, you're never really on your own, even if you feel that way. The opposite can be just as true...the whole "alone in a crowd" thing.
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It was informative so it did help in that way. I'm not the type to get into a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship. I actually want to find someone whose company I legitimately enjoy. Talking to my friends in relationships just brings up the feeling that, from my current standing in life, there really isn't anyone who I see myself going into a relationship with, which brings up that irrational fear that it's because that person doesn't exist.
 
zeemumu said:
It was informative so it did help in that way. I'm not the type to get into a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship. I actually want to find someone whose company I legitimately enjoy. Talking to my friends in relationships just brings up the feeling that, from my current standing in life, there really isn't anyone who I see myself going into a relationship with, which brings up that irrational fear that it's because that person doesn't exist.
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That it's recognized as an irrational fear is (believe it or not) a good thing. That said, since it's recognized, it sounds like anxiety. Do you feel pressured from anyone directly to be in a relationship, or is it just sort of a "look at where these other people are and look at where I am" thing?
 
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Omegasquash said:
That it's recognized as an irrational fear is (believe it or not) a good thing. That said, since it's recognized, it sounds like anxiety. Do you feel pressured from anyone directly to be in a relationship, or is it just sort of a "look at where these other people are and look at where I am" thing?
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Technically it's both but it's the latter one that is more of a problem.


Agent Cooper said:
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This is the best GIF I've seen in a long time.
 
zeemumu said:
Technically it's both but it's the latter one that is more of a problem.
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You have my direct, harmonic sympathies. I just deal with it as more of a "place in life" issue. Oddly, amongst all of my friends I'm furthest along in many areas (though I gotta say they're a helluvalot smarter and generally happier than I am), but I see it as more to lose, so I stress about losing it. Prior to being successful, I looked at it in much the same way, determining that my self-worth was directly proportionate to my income/property/what I could provide.

It's all bullshit, of course, but fuck if it isn't an ugly skeleton that you have to fight to keep in the closet.
 
If you do move icelandic, good luck! I too plan on moving as a means to curb ill thoughts and feelings. Get my technical school degree tomorrow finally which has grounded me to my current city for the last couple of years, so after tomorrow its up to me on where, when, and how to move out. You've already gotten experience with being somewhat self-sufficient despite help from friends and your ex; this will be my first time.
 
Omegasquash said:
You have my direct, harmonic sympathies. I just deal with it as more of a "place in life" issue. Oddly, amongst all of my friends I'm furthest along in many areas (though I gotta say they're a helluvalot smarter and generally happier than I am), but I see it as more to lose, so I stress about losing it. Prior to being successful, I looked at it in much the same way, determining that my self-worth was directly proportionate to my income/property/what I could provide.

It's all bullshit, of course, but fuck if it isn't an ugly skeleton that you have to fight to keep in the closet.
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Yeah, I can't fit coats in here anymore.
Skeletons-in-Closet-Preventing-Landing-Job_0.jpg

I guess what I really want is to be able to still be happy for my friends while not feeling obligated to be in a relationship myself.
 
I just came back from walking out. It felt good tbh. I had a headache when I went out to walk. During my walk, my headache was gone. I really need to do this more often.
 
I find that I feel better when I avoid social media. Not like here, but FB, twitter, etc. I don't know why, either; I only follow people I like and have a genuine interest in what they've got going on. But even the act of logging in, it feels like punching in at work, and that's unpleasant. Trying to break myself of it entirely, but I still check a couple times each day.
 
bjork said:
I find that I feel better when I avoid social media. Not like here, but FB, twitter, etc. I don't know why, either; I only follow people I like and have a genuine interest in what they've got going on. But even the act of logging in, it feels like punching in at work, and that's unpleasant. Trying to break myself of it entirely, but I still check a couple times each day.
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Finding the balance for what "works" with social media is one of the most challenging and interesting parts of my life as it is. Stuck at home with not much else interaction, Twitter is probably the biggest source of pleasure for me when talking with people online, as I don't ever really get the chance to talk to people on an IM service. Yet, at the same time, it's probably the biggest reason why I get into negative thought patterns. I find particularly at the evening, when it's late here and my friends come online during their daytime, I really struggle to keep myself happy and positive. I often want attention and to talk to people, either simply because I'm feeling sorry for myself or because I've just ended up lonely. It sucks and I wish I could reduce my own neediness.

Twitter in particular is so.. transient, that everything you say or do gets lost amidst the endless babble, retweets and inane discussions people are having. I've tried cutting down my number of people that I follow; it just ends up feeling barren and uninteresting. I've tried upping the number; it moves too quick.

Like you, I try to follow people and things that genuinely interest me; yet unless I feel interested in, I somehow don't feel communicated with or interesting enough to count in the social circles that end up developing on any social site. Forums like GAF are different; compared to Twitter, they move at positively glacial speeds. And with Twitter there's almost no recourse - either things get out of hand in an instant (as has happened on many an occasion), or they're brushed under the carpet with a couple of quick deletes, or a timeline is too busy to notice or care.

I know I'm happier when I don't check Tweetdeck every 3-4 minutes. I know I am. But at that point, I have basically zero communication with the world, or any of my friends online. Twitter as a communication method sucks. I feel more secure and more independent without it. If I don't post on it and don't check it, I can't get the sinking feeling that people don't care. It's an odd dilemma because in an ideal world, I'd be engaging with my friends in a much more personal manner, meeting up with them, Skyping, on Mumble - whatever. Twitter is ultimately a means to an end and I haven't yet established a happy middle-ground where I can feel comfortable in myself without the need for others to constantly engage me and vice versa. I'd rather be without it, but if I did in my current situation, I'd have pretty much nothing.

Social media is no replacement for actual engagement with other people, rather physical, but if not, then at least Skype or Mumble would let me feel communicated with and not just locked away to a service dependant on 140 character bursts of nothing, where every interaction is here one second and gone the next.

I hope you find a way to get the balance right, if that means giving it up entirely, then good on you.

*Checks Twitter*
 
It may be a matter of logging out and staying off. I don't know why this matters, but friends will go out with people and make glowing posts about how awesome it was and how awesome person x is or whatever. I'll have a day out with the same person and not even get a mention, or I'm listed as "a friend", like I'm some big secret. It's tiring to try and play up to getting that kind of recognition, and the weird thing is, ten years ago this time, I cared exactly 0% about this kind of thing. I don't want to care. I feel like this is a good way to kind of suss out who you matter to and who you don't, but I don't get props from anyone I know, and that's kind of hard to take because I like these people a great deal and wish it worked both ways.

But the feeling that I shouldn't care because I never used to, is the main thing. Trying to get back to that, and then maybe I wouldn't mind so much.
 
Yeah, and also to try not to attach people's personal likes/dislikes in friends simply because they didn't mention you. They probably didn't mean anything by it. I struggle with that kind of thing all the time.
 
It would be a bit easier if I didn't know these people will do it to other people as well, then tell me how they specifically didn't mention them to piss them off. So I can never tell if it's on purpose or not. If it is, why are we bothering?
 
Is there anyone here that had a lot of death anxiety and found a way to get past it? If so, how? Mostly it's death anxiety for others, not myself, although there is plenty for myself too. My parents are are turning 60 this year and it sucks. My grandfather is about to turn 90. All of his friends and siblings are gone, he's getting alzheimer's, I really don't know how he can stand the feeling of "My body and mind's only going to keep getting worse" and just waiting. This is what we have to look forward to.

Overall there's also this feeling that everything is pointless. In all likelihood, no one including us will have a memory of anything we do. Whether we kill our selves now, or live to 90, it will matter just as much in the long run. Why have kids if it'll eventually be like they never existed? I'm not sure why it's better to be born than not born. I'm not even sure why it's better for the Earth to exist and support life than not to exist and not to support life.

Merino said:
So I turned 29 yesterday. Tried inviting some of my closest friends over for drinks and boardgames tonight and been getting cancellations from everyone today. Though I really shouldn't have expected anything as no one showed up last year either.

Could have used some support though this time around as I'm also dealing with my mother dying of cancer (currently has only weeks to go). Then again there barely was anyone to support me when my gf of 6 years left me over a year ago.

I've tried my best to find new local friends this past year (going as far as crashing a random party on my own at new years eve) but haven't been having alot of succes locating people with similar interests and personalities.

Being unemployed (and thus short on random social interactions or collegea's) doesn't really help and makes me feel even more worthless and lonely.
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I can't really help since I feel depressed and shitty myself but it seems like when someone makes a post like this, they should say where they live. Who knows, there's a lot of people in Neogaf, maybe there's someone nearby also feeling lonely.
 
Godofnerdiness said:
Awesome, awesome, awesome. Keep it up, excercise really makes one feel great!

---

On another note, I really look up to Mateo Tabatabai. His videos often help lift my spirits. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=toKq953pPlc
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I just watched the video, and it's very inspiring. I remember at high school when I wanted to seek attention from other people, and I mostly hang out with them so I wouldn't be alone. However, I was mostly alone when during my freshmen year of college, and I felt grounded ever since. I really don't care of seeking approval from others or I just ignore people around me. But when it comes to jobs or careers, that's when I have to seek approval from others. Especially in schools where we have to work as a group which is a least of my favorite things to do. My CS instructor told me that jobs for programming are heavily in groups. I'm majoring in CS, but I'm not that confident in working with others though unless they want to work with me.
 
Self-hating and stressed with everything. Past a certain point when I feel overwhelmed I kind of shut down and lose all motivation, opting instead to stay in bed for most of the day or spin my wheels on the internet. Just feel like complete garbage.
 
Bagels and of course everyone else in this topic, you're an alright dude(tte) and a most excellent friend. Don't ever fricking doubt it or I'll come over and beat your ass.
 
Just got off with telling my Post-Secondary sponsor about having social anxiety.

It feels difficult to talk about, and I don't normally tell anybody about it. As a kid I was always seen as the "shy type", but I ended up making friends, and some of them I still have today.

The heart of the labeling came last semester when I enrolled in a Japanese language course. I REALLY did not like it. I have done French courses before in highschool, but it was ok since I had at least a couple friends in those highschool classes. When I went into class I would feel shaky, and really nervous. This was ok to bear through until I ended up getting sick. I had to miss a few classes, and fell behind. I didn't want to go into the class before being perfectly caught up, but that would never happen. I just kept falling behind and get more anxiety before trying to going to the class and would just skip it. I did the midterm and probably didn't pass. I skipped the class after that, and later got an email from my prof saying I'd be ineligible to take the exam due to my high absence. This would basically mean I get an F in the course and probably get kicked out of school(due to previous things like this).

Fearing getting an 'F' on my transcript, I decided to try withdrawing from the class, but the date to withdraw was already passed(Oct 10th or something). I seen that you could withdraw if you had academic concession for something like a mental illness. With that I decided that I should see a counselor, so I went to my university's Mental health Clinic. I seen a counselor, and told her that I felt like I had social anxiety. From the descriptions I gave her she believed me and told em to go to a group therapy session. I attended it and decided that, it's how I'd try to gain help for myself. I later went and did a bunch of processes between my academic adviser and counselor, so I could get academic concession and withdrew from the course.

I only told those people involved about it. I haven't told my family, or friends about it(Well one random friend who was going through stuff too). I told my mom I withdrew from the course, but didn't explain why. I never even told my girlfriend(who is japanese) that I withdrew. I feel like I've had this for a lot of my life, and it can leads to bad things such as bad grades, social awkwardness, loneliness, and not getting paid for money I should have. The group session helped somewhat, but I still feel unresolved when it comes to managing it since it was more for anxiety in general, then social anxiety. Does anybody know what kind of treatments you would go for? What kind of people should you see? How can I share something like this with people close to me?
 
I'm going back to college in two days. I'm somehow relieved since I haven't been doing anything on my long break. I stay home all day. I'm just glad that I'm going to move around a lot. However, I'm having doubts because I recently failed two classes, and I feel like my attitude will not change. I want to feel confident and motivated, but I give up easily. Giving up is not the best course of action. I easily get discouraged when I do bad on homework, quiz, and exam.

Why am I like this? I hate feeling this way. Why can't I be like my older brother whose confident in his ability to do so well in his life? Even my little brother is doing better than me.
 
I have the next two days off. Wanted to go see a friend who's been asking me to come out and visit, but I'd been unable to since my car was acting up for weeks and weeks, and it's a far trip for a car I don't trust. So I got a new car (new to me anyway) and now they're out of town. So much for that.

Other friend I usually visit with, is seeing some friend for the friend's birthday, and she's posting all this stuff about how wonderful it is she was born, etc. She didn't even send me a text on my birthday, and when it later came up in a discussion after the fact, she was like, "well... I thought about it, I knew what day it is, but you know." I don't know, actually.

I'm so tired of being by myself all the time.
 
This was retweeted by Dylan Matthews from the Washington Post:

On the night of Jan. 27, 2013, I slashed open my right thigh six times with a Swiss Army knife. I then spent four hours thinking about how good it would feel to jump off the fifth floor of Vanderbilt Hall. On Jan. 28, I put on a pretty dress and went to class. Before lunch, my cuts had stained it brown.

That night I texted my Freshman Counselor to tell her what had happened, just as I had done all the other times I felt suicidal and had cut myself. When I went to her suite, I showed her the gashes.

We went to Yale Health Urgent Care, at around 11:00 p.m., where a doctor bandaged my leg. A psychiatrist appeared. I told her that I had experienced suicidal thoughts the night before, but that the cuts had not been a suicide attempt. I told them that I was no longer suicidal.

At midnight, I was strapped to a stretcher under the ashen ceiling of an ambulance, on my way to Yale-New Haven Hospital. There I was taken to the locked ward of the ER — guarded by officers with guns — stripped of all my belongings, including my pants (they had a drawstring), and shunted into a cubicle containing nothing but a bed. I was here for my own good, they told me.
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“We Just Can’t Have You Here”
 
Sometimes I think I have it figured out to some extent but then I don't. I went to the gym this morning for the second time in at least a year or more and it made me feel better. I walked outside and my head and body just felt different. I don't know what it was but it made me realize I need to keep going on.

I had to work afterwards so here I am sucking it up for a paycheck. Before I came in I decided to medicate before I go in. I did. I got to work and my co worker made a comment about the smell. It was probably my coat that been around enough second hand to smell of something. No big deal. But when they said that comment it made me extremely anxious but then I got over it. I told myself that I'm tired of walking on egg shells around people I'm not friendly with. I want to quit my job so fucking bad and just find another one but I'm not in the situation where I can right now and live comfortably. I'm tired of worrying about what other people think of me. This is my life. I made my own choices and that's what I live with. Fuck you, you don't know what I've been through and go through on a daily basis.

Why can't people just stay the fuck out of other peoples life?
 
Icelandic_Jazz said:
Hey dudes I'm back. I could really use some good advice for the situation I'm in right now. Like.. really good advice. I'm a huge mess pretty much crying every night. My sadness is extremely unhealthy and I want some way out.

I was ridiculously happy for the longest time. I got a job in Florida at the same company with my girlfriend, so I moved down here and had the most fun I've ever had in my life. Made new friends, got a decently paying job, rented out an apartment with some good roommates for cheap. I felt like for the first time I had a well-established life with an extremely hopeful future. Working at the same company with my girlfriend wasn't even an issue, we got along great. Healthiest, greatest relationship I've ever been in. We were both so in love with each other.

Fast forward to now... my girlfriend broke up with me over religion. I was Agnostic and she's Catholic. I was very open minded to other religions but that wasn't enough for her to second guess our future together. We decided to take a 'break' that just made her more distant and me more depressed. Then we decided to officially break up and try to be friends, which has been completely agonizing for me. Given our circumstances working together we can't cut ties completely (I see her face daily). But given how much I loved and cared for her and how fast she's become distant to me and put our relationship out of her mind... the past few months have been absolutely heartbreaking and extremely unhealthy for me... we don't hang out anymore and even trying to communicate with her (about the relationship or anything) is very forced feeling. We don't talk about the relationship anymore. She's decided that she doesn't have anything else to say about the situation and she's that she just doesn't want a relationship. There's nothing more to be said on the subject I guess.

On top of that I consider myself a Catholic these days, go to church every week, and it's helped me a huge amount getting through this depression. It's a really weird feeling having someone break up with you over religion, only to find yourself the same religion as the person who broke up with you. I guess she has her other reasons and I need to respect that, but I wish she was able to communicate with me at least a little bit :(

So pretty much, the person I was madly in love with (and she with me) and helped make my life so amazingly happy for the longest time decided to leave me, won't communicate about it with me, and is completely detached from the subject. I'm doing my best to respect her decision and try to be a friend, but it's gotten to the point where I just want to leave. It's usually best to just cut ties and move on, but I can't do that right now. It's like a wound that keeps reopening itself.

Along with the relationship problems, I also have a serious student debt which keeps me from quitting and getting some much needed distance. On top of THAT, the complex that I am staying at discovered that I am renting through my roommates (subleasing, I found them through craigslist). They have a strict policy on not renting out rooms, so I am being evicted in the next month. I have nowhere else to move yet.

Also my dog died, my mom is sick, my brother doesn't have a job and smokes all day, and my dad is physically disabled. I'm just ranting out other problems right now but blah.

I've contemplated quitting and moving back home despite my finances. But both my ex and many of my friends advise me not to leave Florida. She wants me to stick around, and I do wish I was able to be okay with the situation. But these feelings have been killing me for way too long.

My plan of action right now is to try to survive here a little longer, find a new place to live. Then find a new job elsewhere, maybe California, and leave this chapter of my life behind.

I really wish I could find a way to stay here and be happy. I like my job and I like the people here. But this breakup has thrown everything out of whack and I love her way too much no matter how hard I try to put it in the past.

I know she still cares about me.. she's just shut off her feelings. Despite the breakup, we never fought and never had bad feelings towards each other. I'd do anything to fix this situation but the best thing I can do is be her friend and hope these feelings of mine don't rip me apart.

The feelings are ripping me apart though :( No matter how many times I tell myself I can get through this emotionally, the wound keeps opening.

Is finding a new job and leaving the best course to take? Please, any help I can get is greatly appreciated.

tl;dr: I work with my girlfriend. She broke up with me over religion. It's extremely painful to work with her and see her on a daily basis, but I can't quit my job and cut ties with her.
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Religion:"God" wants you to be a good person. If a person needs additional rules,maybe you shouldnt be with her. and you knew you will take another job for more pay.so start looking.
 
ClassyPenguin said:
This was retweeted by Dylan Matthews from the Washington Post:


“We Just Can’t Have You Here”
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You wouldnt believe barbarism went on like that these days. Most people obivously dont because it continues or they dont care because its part of this dehumanisation we have of these people.

The thing that really annoys me is the Doctors(in these hospitals) blatantly dont know how to fix people and dont really care as they continue on in their world of delusion thinking that their actually helping people.
 
Thanks for the advice from a few pages ago those who gave it. I went to see my GP and they've stuck me on Sertraline Hydrochloride. The side effects seem quite scary though. I've also contacted my Uni to try get some counselling on the go. Hopefully I can improve my mood and not let my life go to shit.
 
Multiple attempts at visiting with friendly faces yesterday all fell flat. Some people didn't even reply, yet they were online posting elsewhere. I drove around for a bit, ended up walking around the mall where the anime shop used to be. Nothing has managed to survive in that spot as long as we did. Came home and fell asleep.

Woke up about 12:30 this morning, and I think I'm going to go to the beach. I haven't been to the beach in awhile, but I like going with someone. When I go by myself, it's usually when I'm feeling low like this, and I just sit there and entertain the thought of swimming out as far I can until my body gives out. Always been fascinated by the idea of doing that.
 
just had a pretty rough night.
about a month ago I got dumped over the phone by my girlfriend of ~4 years, my hours at work have been cut now that the holidays are over so saving up to move out of my parent's house (again) is getting hopeless, and school is going terribly. medicore grades, denied research positions, etc so graduating any time soon is out of the question now, its gonna be at least another 2 semesters (i've already been at this damn school for 4 years).

so I went out with a couple of friends wednesday night to try to distract myself and maybe clear my head, and I met an awesome girl. we danced and talked and hooked up and crashed at her sister's apartment and it was the first time I had felt good in months. I told her I wanted to see her again and she agreed. I'm not a one-time hook-up kind of guy. so we made plans to meet up friday night but she cancelled. we rescheduled for last night and she just didn't show up, then texted me around midnight to say she decided to stay in and she'll text me some other time.

I know it was just one date with a girl I don't even know, but it bumped me over the edge.
I couldn't sleep at all. I'm just really really low right now and I guess I needed to vent here
 
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