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[wsoxfan1214]

Anxiety attacks have been back every single day since winter break ended. Culminated in essentially a breakdown of sorts today. Was just shaking, couldn't breathe, throwing up... Ugh, anxiety attacks fucking blow.

I don't know if I can finish third term here this year. I can't be having these and be feeling like shit every single day. But at the same time, I don't want to quit and leave a college with 2/3 terms and lose all of the aid and shit to be more in debt from another college next year..

Bah. I don't know what to do. :/

 

[Smiley90]

Anxiety attacks have been back every single day since winter break ended. Culminated in essentially a breakdown of sorts today. Was just shaking, couldn't breathe, throwing up... Ugh, anxiety attacks fucking blow.

I don't know if I can finish third term here this year. I can't be having these and be feeling like shit every single day. But at the same time, I don't want to quit and leave a college with 2/3 terms and lose all of the aid and shit to be more in debt from another college next year..

Bah. I don't know what to do. :/

Try different medication and therapy?

 

[Lionheart1827]

Breaking down more anxiety barriers every day. Delivered a QA training presentation to 2 new hires today and killed it! After work there was a happy hour with about 20 coworkers and was able to go. Had a great time and really felt calm and relaxed through it. Gaining more and more confidence in myself everyday

 

[wsoxfan1214]

Try different medication and therapy?

I don't want to have to take medication every day to be here.

 

[Spring-Loaded]

Not pressing the issue is good. You gave great idea. If you want to help her, ask her if she wants/needs someone to talk to and offer an ear. If she declines it, tell her you'll be there for her if she needs it. That's usually the best course of action, unless you feel like she's an imminent danger to herself or others.

I said that too, I just feel bad/helpless because I have no idea whether it's bad enough to warrant getting her outside help since the call came out of nowhere. I won't pressure her to be more specific next time though.

 

[Smiley90]

I don't want to have to take medication every day to be here.

Well, ask yourself: Would you rather be on medication every day and potentially feel better, or feel the way you're feeling right now just to avoid medication?

 

[ClassyPenguin]

I don't want to have to take medication every day to be here.

Would you say the same if you were a diabetic?

 

[jb1234]

I don't want to have to take medication every day to be here.

You might as well get used to it now because at some point in your life, it's likely going to happen.

 

[Mr. F]

Had to reschedule my first therapy session because I couldn't motivate myself out of bed. The time got away from me and when I got around to noticing it was too late to make it there on time by public transit (roughly 50 min trip).

I felt like complete shit, still do. Another failure. Worst of all because I deeply disappointed someone close to me who I had promised I would pursue therapy to get better. Haven't done anything today, just burnt out.

 

[Smiley90]

Had to reschedule my first therapy session because I couldn't motivate myself out of bed. The time got away from me and when I got around to noticing it was too late to make it there on time by public transit (roughly 50 min trip).

I felt like complete shit, still do. Another failure. Worst of all because I deeply disappointed someone close to me who I had promised I would pursue therapy to get better. Haven't done anything today, just burnt out.

I know exactly how you feel. I barely made it out of my bed this morning to get to my Doc too. Was like 10 minutes late because of it, BUT I made it.

But yeah, I always beat myself up over not being able to do anything I should be doing or WANT to be doing. It's a terrible circle of frustration and paralyzation.

 

[Windam]

My thinking, my sleep schedule, my energy are all screwed up. I've been trying to correct my sleep schedule and I can't. I feel so terrible.

 

[wsoxfan1214]

Well, ask yourself: Would you rather be on medication every day and potentially feel better, or feel the way you're feeling right now just to avoid medication?

I mean anxiety meds. I shouldn't have anxiety from being in college. I never had it at the one I transferred from.

I think it might be how stressful the trimester system is.

I meant I shouldn't need anxiety medication to be able to stay at a college.

 

[OfWhiteSkinOnRedLeather]

My thinking, my sleep schedule, my energy are all screwed up. I've been trying to correct my sleep schedule and I can't. I feel so terrible.

Don't go to sleep tonight. Stay up until 10pm tomorrow night and every night after that force yourself to bed sometime between 10pm and midnight. After a little while it'll become habit and you'll be waking up between 6am and 9am. Just make sure you develop and keep a routine or else you'll quickly slip back into a shit sleep pattern. Be careful about going to sleep too early tomorrow night though, you might end up waking up around midnight, and then you're fucked.

That's what I used to do to change my terrible sleep patterns. It was a whole lot of going to bed at 6am and waking up at 3pm for weeks on end, then a few days of 10pm to 6am and right back to asleep all day.

 

[Smiley90]

I mean anxiety meds. I shouldn't have anxiety from being in college. I never had it at the one I transferred from.

I think it might be how stressful the trimester system is.

I meant I shouldn't need anxiety medication to be able to stay at a college.

I shouldn't have anxiety from things either, but I do. All I can do is try and work through it and hopefully get better eventually.

Do you really feel like your anxiety would just go away if you left college? Wouldn't you just have a different reason for anxiety? From how it is for me, it's not something as simple that just goes on/off, sadly.

 

[wsoxfan1214]

I shouldn't have anxiety from things either, but I do. All I can do is try and work through it and hopefully get better eventually.

Do you really feel like your anxiety would just go away if you left college? Wouldn't you just have a different reason for anxiety? From how it is for me, it's not something as simple that just goes on/off, sadly.

No. I never had it at my community college and I never had it at home or when I'm on breaks.

My first attack and every single one since has been since I started here this August.

 

[Smiley90]

No. I never had it at my community college and I never had it at home or when I'm on breaks.

My first attack and every single one since has been since I started here this August.

Did you move away from home for the first time in August?

 

[wsoxfan1214]

Did you move away from home for the first time in August?

Yeah.

 

[Smiley90]

Yeah.

Moving away from home for the first time is quite a big change.

And change causes anxiety.

So... yeah. I don't know what to tell you, sorry.

 

[Hylian7]

(Finally, something I can maybe help with!)

Do you have a Github? Any public portfolio? If you do, link to it on your resume; if you don't, start one. That's going to be a massive asset. Tons of people say they can program, and tons of people have degrees and other accreditation saying they can program, but those people can not program. Having some volume of publicly-visible work shows you're not one of those people. (And I'm not even entertaining the notion that you are one of those people, and you shouldn't either. Because you're not.)

This is something I've been meaning to do. The only problem is that I don't think I have anything worthwhile that I've done other than class projects. I want to make something but I can't come up with any good ideas that haven't been done to death already. I want to do something fun, preferably related to Dota 2 but I don't have any ideas that haven't been done to death there either.

The only thing that I could come up would be to make an app or Firefox Mobile extension that makes Dotabuff.com mobile friendly.

 

[delta25]

I've suffered from anxiety off and on now for the last 8 years. For along time it got better threw medication and various other things. Now being off the meds for close to two years I can slowly feel it creeping back. The problem with the issues that cause my anxiety are thoughts and ideas that any normal person would deem unnecessary, and when I'm thinking straight I know myself that these issues are not something I should be concerned with. Anywho, I've got an appointment next week to see the doc, I'm looking at getting back on some kind of medication and potentially taken a few months off work.

wish me luck friends

 

[Hop]

This is something I've been meaning to do. The only problem is that I don't think I have anything worthwhile that I've done other than class projects. I want to make something but I can't come up with any good ideas that haven't been done to death already. I want to do something fun, preferably related to Dota 2 but I don't have any ideas that haven't been done to death there either.

The only thing that I could come up would be to make an app or Firefox Mobile extension that makes Dotabuff.com mobile friendly.

Bam. Do it.

And I'm totally with you on not wanting to do the same ol' same ol', but it's more important to have a bunch of things out there than to have something clever out there. The whole point isn't to show that you're clever, it's to show that you're capable. Leave the clever for later.

(If you want, I can try and hound/inspire you with PMs to get working. Maybe having someone to be obligated to could help keep you moving.)

 

[MisterLuffy]

You are still growing up. We all are. And one of the aspects of growing up to be nice and elderly and sagely is learning to balance between knowing how to keep going even if things seem impossible or when to give in and take a break before burning out. Like I said, it's a balancing act that people have to learn over time by trial and error, and most people make plenty of mistakes on making either call.. but somehow life goes on! And you get more chances all the time to try to improve or do something else.

For example, at the time while I was really depressed, I thought I was such an abject failure and turned super stupid when I felt forced to withdraw from my master's program and was not able to "pass" my fieldwork placements when other students somehow did (some of them with more difficult life circumstances than mien too, I'm sure!). But 2 years later and it actually doesn't seem like the dramatic event it felt like anymore (the strategy is to reinterpret the past and its haze of events with a lighter-hearted and more compassionate attitude). Things actually don't matter so much anymore once it's done and over with, and I try to always remind myself that I know this and can look forward to the future for better things and better chances (and hopefully NOT stress and panic over things that aren't so big in the greater scheme of things).

I do have a lot of time to make changes. I just hope that change comes sooner. I'm listening to relaxation music while breathing for 15 minutes a day thanks to a friend of mine whose supporting me. I don't know how to deal with bad things that's hindering me. Like that message from my university of the probation warning, doing bad in college, or not finding a job. I don't want to live this way...it's unhealthy as my older brother said.

 

[EverythingShiny]

Breaking down more anxiety barriers every day. Delivered a QA training presentation to 2 new hires today and killed it! After work there was a happy hour with about 20 coworkers and was able to go. Had a great time and really felt calm and relaxed through it. Gaining more and more confidence in myself everyday

Just wanted to say that's awesome! I know that feeling and it's wonderful. I hope you continue on that path and when you're having a bad day or the anxiety starts to come crashing in again, remember how great it feels to put yourself out there. The world starts to feel not quite as scary anymore.

 

[Sibylus]

What languages do you work with, Hylian? (Might have a Dota project for you regardless, if you would be interested in Lua)

 

[jb1234]

I've written a bit about my family. Because my dad was written out of my life a long time ago, it was basically just my mom's side. Mom, her mom (grandma) and mom's four sisters. Two of them bipolar, one of them just plain mean and the other relatively stable but mostly dodging everyone else for her own sanity. None of them had children so no cousins. Family gatherings were often like waiting for a bomb to go off. At one Thanksgiving, one of my aunts got so pissed at my grandma's then-boyfriend that she stormed outside and dented his car in with the power of her foot. A few years ago, my mom and I simply stopped going to holiday functions with them. I spent my last Christmas with my friend Bob and his wife, for instance.

I say this to provide context. Tonight, I played Cards Against Humanity with Mike, ClassyPenguin, Stat, Trinn and Sir AcridMeat. We used mumble, of course. About halfway through, it was like the laptop vanished and I could see myself at a table, surrounded by these guys. One has the black card, the rest have the white cards and we're laughing and giggling at some of the foul combinations we were coming up with. It's when I realized how much I loved them. It's not that I wasn't aware of it before but in this community, we talk so much in so many different ways that the lines between friendship and family have blurred to the point where there are no boundaries.

It's pretty amazing.

 

[Smiley90]

I've written a bit about my family. Because my dad was written out of my life a long time ago, it was basically just my mom's side. Mom, her mom (grandma) and mom's four sisters. Two of them bipolar, one of them just plain mean and the other relatively stable but mostly dodging everyone else for her own sanity. None of them had children so no cousins. Family gatherings were often like waiting for a bomb to go off. At one Thanksgiving, one of my aunts got so pissed at my grandma's then-boyfriend that she stormed outside and dented his car in with the power of her foot. A few years ago, my mom and I simply stopped going to holiday functions with them. I spent my last Christmas with my friend Bob and his wife, for instance.

I say this to provide context. Tonight, I played Cards Against Humanity with Mike, ClassyPenguin, Stat, Trinn and Sir AcridMeat. We used mumble, of course. About halfway through, it was like the laptop vanished and I could see myself at a table, surrounded by these guys. One has the black card, the rest have the white cards and we're laughing and giggling at some of the foul combinations we were coming up with. It's when I realized how much I loved them. It's not that I wasn't aware of it before but in this community, we talk so much in so many different ways that the lines between friendship and family have blurred to the point where there are no boundaries.

It's pretty amazing.

I'm upset I missed out on this.

 

[Smiley90]

-curls up in fetal position and tries to keep his shit together for once-

 

[AcridMeat]

I'm really stoked to read that JB. Tonight was fun, I wish there was another game like that online to make the jokey jokes with.

Maybe if we find an online version of Balderdash or something.

Next time we need to tell Smiley. :C

Oh and I wanted to post this here a couple days ago. Was a bit more relevant for me recently because my sister was in town and it's still tough trying to connect since we haven't had much chance most of my life.

 

[Smiley90]

I wish I could cry.

I've cried once in the last 10 years or so.

I just want to cry.

Sorry I'm a wreck.

 

[Lionheart1827]

I say this to provide context. Tonight, I played Cards Against Humanity with Mike, ClassyPenguin, Stat, Trinn and Sir AcridMeat. We used mumble, of course. About halfway through, it was like the laptop vanished and I could see myself at a table, surrounded by these guys. One has the black card, the rest have the white cards and we're laughing and giggling at some of the foul combinations we were coming up with. It's when I realized how much I loved them. It's not that I wasn't aware of it before but in this community, we talk so much in so many different ways that the lines between friendship and family have blurred to the point where there are no boundaries.

It's pretty amazing.

Man I gotta stop being a jerk and pop into mumble again one of these days!

 

[ClassyPenguin]

I watched Castaway because I couldn't sleep and I though this was poignant.

We both have done the math. Kelly added it all up and... knew she had to let me go. I added it up, and knew that I had... lost her. Because I was never going to get off that island. I was going to die there, totally alone. I was going to get sick, or get injured or something. The only choice I had, the only thing I could control was when, and how and where it was going to happen. So... I made a rope and I went up to the summit, to hang myself. I had to test it, you know? Of course, you know me. And the weight of the log, snapped the limb of the tree, so I-I - , I couldn't even kill myself the way I wanted to. I had power over *nothing*. And that's when this feeling came over me like a warm blanket. I knew, somehow that I had to stay alive. Somehow. I had to keep breathing. Even though there was no reason to hope. And all my logic said that I would never see this place again. So that's what I did. I stayed alive. I kept breathing. And one day, my logic was proven all wrong because the tide came in, and gave me a sail. And now, here I am. I'm back in Memphis, talking to you. I have ice in my glass... And I've lost her all over again. I'm so sad that I don't have Kelly. But I'm so grateful that she was with me on that island. And I know what I have to do now. I got to keep breathing. Because tomorrow, the sun will rise. Who knows what the tide could bring?

 

[OfWhiteSkinOnRedLeather]

I wish I could cry.

I've cried once in the last 10 years or so.

I just want to cry.

Sorry I'm a wreck.

Crying feels good, man. It's just not easy to so. Probably why it feels so good.

 

[Femmeworth]

I received my first speeding ticket. Can anyone here give me some advice on what to do? I really don't want my dad to know. It seems like I have to pay even to take the driver safety course.

Edit: I'm in Texas.

 

[OfWhiteSkinOnRedLeather]

I received my first speeding ticket. Can anyone here give me some advice on what to do? I really don't want my dad to know. It seems like I have to pay even to take the driver safety course.

Plead not guilty. You'll go to court and they'll give you the option of lowering the fine or continuing with not guilty. Let them lower it. Pay it, and move on. At least that's how it works in CT.

 

[Windam]

Don't go to sleep tonight. Stay up until 10pm tomorrow night and every night after that force yourself to bed sometime between 10pm and midnight. After a little while it'll become habit and you'll be waking up between 6am and 9am. Just make sure you develop and keep a routine or else you'll quickly slip back into a shit sleep pattern. Be careful about going to sleep too early tomorrow night though, you might end up waking up around midnight, and then you're fucked.

That's what I used to do to change my terrible sleep patterns. It was a whole lot of going to bed at 6am and waking up at 3pm for weeks on end, then a few days of 10pm to 6am and right back to asleep all day.

Couldn't do it. Brain was so foggy that I felt really bad and slept at around 3am and woke up at 12pm. :/

 

[OfWhiteSkinOnRedLeather]

Couldn't do it. Brain was so foggy that I felt really bad and slept at around 3am and woke up at 12pm. :/

There's still hope. 3am - 12pm isn't that bad. Try going to bed a little earlier each night. Figure one hour until you get to the hour you want to go to bed and try your hardest to stick to it. It'll probably be tough to fall asleep, but nothing is going to change without determination. Do you drink coffee or any form of caffeine at all? Might want to stop until you can change the pattern and feel comfortable enough with the new one. Even one cup of coffee as soon as you wake up can make it difficult to sleep later that night.

 

[la flama blanca]

I wish I could cry.

I've cried once in the last 10 years or so.

I just want to cry.

Sorry I'm a wreck.

I know that feel. I've been conditioned not to cry and it actually physically hurts when I do.

 

[zeemumu]

For those of you on depression medication, is there ever a point where you no longer need the medication or is it pretty much with you forever? How much does it help with that feeling that everything is uninteresting?

 

[Windam]

There's still hope. 3am - 12pm isn't that bad. Try going to bed a little earlier each night. Figure one hour until you get to the hour you want to go to bed and try your hardest to stick to it. It'll probably be tough to fall asleep, but nothing is going to change without determination. Do you drink coffee or any form of caffeine at all? Might want to stop until you can change the pattern and feel comfortable enough with the new one. Even one cup of coffee as soon as you wake up can make it difficult to sleep later that night.

I drink a ton of coffee every day. Like up to 4 cups.

 

[FillerB]

For those of you on depression medication, is there ever a point where you no longer need the medication or is it pretty much with you forever? How much does it help with that feeling that everything is uninteresting?

How much meds help depends case per case of course, but you aren't stuck on them forever. What a lot of people seem to think is that they are some kind of magical pills that make the bad things go away. They aren't. They're nothing more than tools that repress the negative feelings while you drag yourself out of the pit.

I should do a diagram or something on this. My doc gave me a pretty good talk last week.

 

[zeemumu]

How much meds help depends case per case of course, but you aren't stuck on them forever. What a lot of people seem to think is that they are some kind of magical pills that make the bad things go away. They aren't. They're nothing more than tools that repress the negative feelings while you drag yourself out of the pit.

I should do a diagram or something on this. My doc gave me a pretty good talk last week.

That's the answer I was hoping for. I feel like depression meds being a cure-all would promote dependency because you would never feel the need to work yourself out of the hole when you can just take a pill and feel good all the time.

 

[Smiley90]

So, I'm still looking for input on people that have taken either tricyclics or MAOIs before... since those are theoretically much less taxing for my IBS (and thus I get less anxiety from it, win-win), I'm considering talking to my doc/pharmacist about them. I welcome personal stories very muchly, though.

 

[Colin.]

I've been curious about something recently. Do any of you feel especially bad at the beginning of your day, when you first wake up. If so, how do you deal with it at the time? Do you take medication to combat it, or have a daily ritual to get through it? It has always been the case for me, to an extent. But recently, it has been a lot worse. A lot of the time when I wake up now, I feel awful, and don't want to do anything. The only thing I want to do during these spells is to go straight back to sleep. Alters my thinking, so that anything that comes to mind to do that day will be negatively twisted, to the point that everything seems futile. So any advice on the subject would really help.

 

[Pau]

I've been curious about something recently. Do any of you feel especially bad at the beginning of your day, when you first wake up. If so, how do you deal with it at the time? Do you take medication to combat it, or have a daily ritual to get through it? It has always been the case for me, to an extent. But recently, it has been a lot worse. A lot of the time when I wake up now, I feel awful, and don't want to do anything. The only thing I want to do during these spells is to go straight back to sleep. Alters my thinking, so that anything that comes to mind to do that day will be negatively twisted, to the point that everything seems futile. So any advice on the subject would really help.

Yeah, I get this too. I dunno, if I don't have somewhere to be, it's almost impossible to get out of bed.

Do you eat right after getting up? I feel like breakfast is when I'm like: "Okay, over this and ready for the day."

 

[Curtisaur]

I spent a little time rewriting songs from a mental health/my standpoint. I did Eminem's "Rap God," "Stan," and Drake's "Headlines"

If anyone wants me to post them I will. But forewarning I will feel like shit if I I get asked to post them but then get no feedback on them.

Also I kinda want to ask for help on here for tattoo ideas. My tattoos are mostly mental health related in my opinion and I want to keep that theme going. Is that okay? I could copy a post I made on Reddit.

 

[Daria]

For those of you on depression medication, is there ever a point where you no longer need the medication or is it pretty much with you forever? How much does it help with that feeling that everything is uninteresting?

I was on medication at the age of 13 after a tramatic loss in the family, I was off of them around 16. It's been almost six years since I've taken a depression medication. They help a lot, that's a fact. They won't fully rid you of your feelings 24/7 but it is a big change. You still will have days where you feel down and out even after medicating but that's just how it goes. Same goes for after you're off of them (if you can). You can learn and train your body on how to handle situations better than you would've before. Remember that medication? Have you ever had a situation while taking them that made you depressed? Yes the medicine did help but it was also yourself that helped get through it. IMO I think a majority of people can be weened off medication but it all depends on the person with how long they need to be on it. But once you're on it and have been staying steady, maybe even better than when you started, most doctors will tend to either lower your dose or keep lowering it until you're off it completely. That was my experience at least.

 

[Buttchin]

So, I'm still looking for input on people that have taken either tricyclics or MAOIs before... since those are theoretically much less taxing for my IBS (and thus I get less anxiety from it, win-win), I'm considering talking to my doc/pharmacist about them. I welcome personal stories very muchly, though.

As mentioned previously those medications have largely fallen out of favor few a few reasons. Some already mentioned include cardiac toxicity including prolongation of the QT interval which can lead to Torsades De Pointes. TCA's also have more interactions with other medications and have higher potential for overdose. This is why SSRI, SNRI, NDRI etc have become the mainstay while TCA's has largely fallen out of favor. MAOi have even potential for problems than TCA's due not only interacting with other medications (one of the big reasons training physicians have duty hours was do to death of a patient from one of these interactions) as well as with foods. These medications are found to be helpful its just that frequently another medication with a lower side effect burden and is easier to be compliant with is found before getting to that point (or risk of self harm is too great, intentional or accidental.)

I would not ask a primary care physician to handle these medications and would ask for a referral to see a psychiatrist as well as ask for a referral for a psychotherapist for talk therapy for anxiety related to physical symptoms (there are people that specialize or have specific interest in this if you didn't know). It has been shown combined therapy works better than either individually (easiest way to think of it is needing less of a dose of a medication to get a similar or greater effect meaning potential for lower side effect burden). Will a psychiatrist prescribe these medications will be up to the comfort level of the psychiatrist with these medications (more so MAOi's than TCA's) and your full detailed history. Definitely speak to your healthcare provider.

 

[Daria]

I spent a little time rewriting songs from a mental health/my standpoint. I did Eminem's "Rap God," "Stan," and Drake's "Headlines"

If anyone wants me to post them I will. But forewarning I will feel like shit if I I get asked to post them but then get no feedback on them.

Also I kinda want to ask for help on here for tattoo ideas. My tattoos are mostly mental health related in my opinion and I want to keep that theme going. Is that okay? I could copy a post I made on Reddit.

Go ahead and post them. I'm sure people here will be more than willingly to give you some feedback, myself included.

Do you have any mental health tattoos currently? I never thought about doing something like that but that's a really cool ider. Hell, I'll take some tattoos ideas too if anyone has one.

 

[Smiley90]

As mentioned previously those medications have largely fallen out of favor few a few reasons. Some already mentioned include cardiac toxicity including prolongation of the QT interval which can lead to Torsades De Pointes. TCA's also have more interactions with other medications and have higher potential for overdose. This is why SSRI, SNRI, NDRI etc have become the mainstay while TCA's has largely fallen out of favor. MAOi have even potential for problems than TCA's due not only interacting with other medications (one of the big reasons training physicians have duty hours was do to death of a patient from one of these interactions) as well as with foods. These medications are found to be helpful its just that frequently another medication with a lower side effect burden and is easier to be compliant with is found before getting to that point (or risk of self harm is too great, intentional or accidental.)

I would not ask a primary care physician to handle these medications and would ask for a referral to see a psychiatrist as well as ask for a referral for a psychotherapist for talk therapy for anxiety related to physical symptoms (there are people that specialize or have specific interest in this if you didn't know). It has been shown combined therapy works better than either individually (easiest way to think of it is needing less of a dose of a medication to get a similar or greater effect meaning potential for lower side effect burden). Will a psychiatrist prescribe these medications will be up to the comfort level of the psychiatrist with these medications (more so MAOi's than TCA's) and your full detailed history. Definitely speak to your healthcare provider.

Yeah I'm definitely considering asking for a referral. I don't trust my doc much. Especially given that my IBS doesn't work well with a lot of medication and I have the feeling that my doc has no idea about either mental health OR IBS, not to mention the interaction between the two.

 

[Curtisaur]

nevermind