ALRIGHT ALRIGHT OKAY LET'S GO.
NOW, YOU ALL KNOW I'M PUMPED UP FOR THE OLYMPICS. I ONCE RODE A BIKE, AN' I GOT A FLAT TIRE, SO I HAD TO PUMP IT BACK UP. THAT'S HOW PUMPED I AM 'BOUT THESE OLYMPICS, EH.
CANADA'S GONNA BE THE TEAM TO BEAT, EH. THEY WON THE GOLD IN VANCOUVER IN 2010, SO YA KNOW EVERYONE'S GUNNIN' FOR 'EM, ESPECIALLY THEM DIRTY RUSSIANS, BEIN' IN THEIR HOME TURF AN' ALL, EH. YA GOT SID LEADIN' THE CHARGE, WITH ROBERTA LOLONGO BACKSTOPPIN' 'EM WITH CAREY PRICE AN' MIKEY SMITH, EH. THEN YA GOT JOHNNY TAVARES, PATTY MARLEAU, RYAN GETZLAF, AN' COREY PERRY, TOO. AN' I CAN'T FORGET PK SUBBAN, EH. NOW, SUBBAN, I LOVE THE GUY AN' I AIN'T A RACIST, BUT HE'S GONNA HAVE TO PLAY THE RIGHT WAY TO BE EFFECTIVE, EH. CAN'T BE SHOWBOATIN', GIVIN' 'EM AMMO, ALL THAT FUNNY STUFF, EH.
THEN YA GOT THEM CLASSLESS AMERICANS WITH THEIR SWEATERS AN' HEADPHONES AN' THE HEADBANGIN' AN' ALL OF THAT CLASSLESS STUFF, EH. THEY'RE LOOKIN' LIKE A GOOD TEAM. THEY GOT ZACKIE PARISE, PHIL KESSEL, PATTY KANE, RYAN KESELER, AMONG OTHERS, EH. I CAN SEE A REMATCH OF THE GOLD MEDAL GAME FROM 2010 ALREADY WITH THEIR ROSTER.
RUSSIA'S LOOKIN' TOUGH, TOO, EH. PROBABLY ALL THAT STALIN JUICE AN' COMMUNIST MANIFESTO STUFF, EH. YOU KNOW THEY'RE ON NOTICE FROM DEAR LEADER PUTIN, EH, NOW THAT THEY'RE BACK HOME PLAYIN'. PROBABLY OFF TO THE GULAG IF THEY DON'T GET THE GOLD, EH. NOW, THEIR GOALTENDIN' LOOKS SOLID WITH BOBROVSKY, AN' SIMEON VARLOBLAWS. AIN'T GOT A CLUE WHO ALEX ELMERFUDKO IS. PROBABLY ANOTHER RUSSIAN. YA GOT DATSOOK WITH MALKIN AN' OVECHKIN BEIN' REAL RUSSIAN. THEN THEY GOT THAT WILD CARD WITH THAT DOUBLE-DEFECTIN' RADULOV, EH, AN' KOOLAIDMIN FROM THE LEAFS, TOO. THIS TEAM'S LOOKIN' REAL STACKED.
CAN'T FORGET ABOUT THEM SWEDES, EH. ALFIE, LANDINGSPOG, STEEN, ZETTERBERG, AN' DANIEL SEDIN AS PART OF THE CORE GROUP, WITH LUNDQVIST, GUSTY THE MONSTER AN' ENROTH IN NET FOR 'EM. THAT'S A GOOD GROUP. THEY'RE GONNA CRACK THE MEDAL ROUND, I THINK.
THEM RUSSIANS ARE PROBABLY GONNA TRANSLATE THIS FUNNY AN' SAY THAT I, DON CHERRY, IS ENDORSIN' COMMUNISM. LET ME TELL YOU FOLKS THAT I AIN'T. JUST TO BE CLEAR, EH.
NOW, LET ME TELL YOU KIDS A STORY: I WAS IN THE BATHROOM STALL, WASHIN' MY HANDS, WHEN I SAW THEM RUSSIANS GET IN A BATHROOM STALL. NOW, AS YOU ALL KNOW, RUSSIA'S A FUNNY PLACE AN' THEY DON'T GOT DOORS ON THEIR BATHROOM STALLS 'CAUSE THEY LIKE EMBARRASSIN' THEMSELVES LIKE THAT. ANYWAY, I SAW THEM ALL CROWD INSIDE THAT STALL, NO DOOR, VISORS ON, AN' ALL THEY DID WAS TALK FUNNY AN' SHARE PAGES FROM THE COMMUNIST MANIFESTO TO EACH OTHER, EH. BOY, I WAS STEAMED, EH. SUDDENLY, BOBBY ORR BURSTS IN, PUTS A DOOR ON AN EMPTY STALL, GOES INSIDE, AN' TEARS THE DOOR OFF BY HIMSELF. THEM RUSSIANS WERE SO EMBARRASSED, THEY RAN OFF TO MOSCOW AN' APOLOGIZED TO STALIN FOR GETTIN' EMBARRASSED, EH.
I COULDN'T HELP BUT START CRYIN' 'CAUSE OF HOW PROUD I AM OF BOBBY, EH. GOD LOVE HIM.
NOW THAT YOU GOT THIS FAR, YOU MIGHT AS WELL CHECK OUT THE FANTASY OLYMPIC HOCKEY THREAD, OR ARE YOU A NO-GOOD, VISOR WEARIN', COMMUNIST MANISFESTIN', HOT DOGGIN', GUTLESS PUKIN', HURT-A-WHIRLIN' EUROPEAN?
