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[Eminem]

http://maddox.xmission.com/c.cgi?u=five_shitty_movies

ah, that was good

 

[Ninja Scooter]

lol

 

[MrPing1000]

I don't like any of those films, go me yay!

 

[Laurent]

This proves that I'm not like everyone...

 

[swoon]

oh gosh. he really stuck it to sum of all fears!

 

[Willco]

http://maddox.xmission.com/c.cgi?u=five_shitty_movies

ah, that was good

Haha, his Top Gun synopsis and pics, along with the Tom Clancy generator made this a classic!

 

[heavy liquid]

Then as if the director didn't think all the high-fiving and shower scenes were suggestive enough, there was a gratuitous scene in which all the guys got oiled up and played volleyball. Every few minutes I half-expected to see Cruise and Kilmer to lock lips to a ballad of "It's Raining Men:"

lol!

 

[Kon Tiki]

Drug lords devise a scheme to smuggle an impressive amount of cocaine for ransom under the watchful eye of corrupt US diplomats. The plot twists when the Drug lords hijack a shipment of life-saving drugs for ransom even after their original demands are met, unless an ex-con with a big heart can learn to trust humanity again and stop the Drug lords once and for all.

I'd watch it.

 

[yoshifumi]

Terrorists devise a scheme to steal plans that need to be explained in layman terms for ransom under the watchful eye of corrupt German officials (played by Americans with fake German accents). The plot twists when the Terrorists threaten to blow up the White House even after their demands are met. Millions of lives are at stake unless a turncoat naval officer can gain the courage to do the right thing and stop the Terrorists once and for all. The movie ends with a mildly comical and/or ironic scene in which the Terrorists blow up or go to prison. Another satisfying tale of political intrigue and personal redemption closes, and we all walk away from this movie a little wiser.

hahaha

 

[Willco]

This sounds like the greatest Tom Clancy movie never made!

Communists devise a scheme to blackmail a congressman for ransom under the watchful eye of corrupt US diplomats. The plot twists when the Communists threaten to unravel the keystone of civilization with wild orgies, unless a sassy cop with street smarts can quell his pride long enough to stop the Communists once and for all. The movie ends with a mildly comical and/or ironic scene in which the Communists blow up or go to prison. Another satisfying tale of political intrigue and personal redemption closes, and we all walk away from this movie a little wiser.

 

[COCKLES]

Scary how accurate that story generator was. And sadly the one hollywood uses at the moment is probably less sophistcated.

 

[Guzim]

Communists devise a scheme to steal plans that need to be explained in layman terms for ransom under the watchful eye of corrupt US diplomats. The plot twists when the Communists hijack a shipment of nuclear warheads even after their demands are met, unless an ex-con with a big heart can learn to trust humanity again and stop the Communists once and for all. The movie ends with a mildly comical and/or ironic scene in which the Communists blow up or go to prison. Another satisfying tale of political intrigue and personal redemption closes, and we all walk away from this movie a little wiser.

 

[jenov4]

Another great post by maddox. Love that Tom Clancy generator.

 

[BuddyC]

No 'The Crow'? For shame maddox!

 

[Desperado]

Braveheart rocked. And the novel of Sum of all Fears was soooo much better than the movie...I mean in the book they blow up the Super Bowl. The motherf'ing SUPERBOWL... In the movie its just some random boring unimportant game...sorry that really pissed me off when I first watched the movie...

 

[Warm Machine]

Well, I've always believed that Disney's Beauty and the Beast was actually a story of a young woman giving up her puritanical religious roots in her small town and falling in love with the Devil. Finally at the end when she has become so seduced by the evil magic around her she sees everthing as normal, with real people instead of the living devil props around her. Even the Devil becomes handsome in her eyes.

This is about as realistic as the homosexual Top Gun monolouge that QT came up with.

 

[Guzim]

This is about as realistic as the homosexual Top Gun monolouge that QT came up with.

Sid: You want subversion on a massive level. You know what one of the greatest fucking scripts ever written in the history of Hollywood is? Top Gun.
Duane: Oh, come on.
Sid: Top Gun is fucking great. What is Top Gun? You think it's a story about a bunch of fighter pilots.
Duane: It's about a bunch of guys waving their dicks around.
Sid: It is a story about a man's struggle with his own homosexuality. It is! That is what Top Gun is about, man. You've got Maverick, all right? He's on the edge, man. He's right on the fucking line, all right? And you've got Iceman, and all his crew. They're gay, they represent the gay man, all right? And they're saying, go, go the gay way, go the gay way. He could go both ways.
Duane: What about Kelly McGillis?
Sid: Kelly McGillis, she's heterosexuality. She's saying: no, no, no, no, no, no, go the normal way, play by the rules, go the normal way. They're saying no, go the gay way, be the gay way, go for the gay way, all right? That is what's going on throughout that whole movie... He goes to her house, all right? It looks like they're going to have sex, you know, they're just kind of sitting back, he's takin' a shower and everything. They don't have sex. He gets on the motorcycle, drives away. She's like, "What the fuck, what the fuck is going on here?" Next scene, next scene you see her, she's in the elevator, she is dressed like a guy. She's got the cap on, she's got the aviator glasses, she's wearing the same jacket that the Iceman wears. She is, okay, this is how I gotta get this guy, this guy's going towards the gay way, I gotta bring him back, I gotta bring him back from the gay way, so I'll do that through subterfuge, I'm gonna dress like a man. All right? That is how she approaches it. Okay, now let me just ask you - I'm gonna digress for two seconds here. I met this girl Amy here, she's like floating around here and everything. Now, she just got divorced, right? All right, but the REAL ending of the movie is when they fight the MIGs at the end, all right? Because he has passed over into the gay way. They are this gay fighting fucking force, all right? And they're beating the Russians, the gays are beating the Russians. And it's over, and they fucking land, and Iceman's been trying to get Maverick the entire time, and finally, he's got him, all right? And what is the last fucking line that they have together? They're all hugging and kissing and happy with each other, and Ice comes up to Maverick, and he says, "Man, you can ride my tail, anytime!" And what does Maverick say? "You can ride mine!" Swordfight! Swordfight! Fuckin' A, man!

 

[Meier]

Mercenaries devise a scheme to take over a generic industrial compound for ransom under the watchful eye of corrupt US diplomats. The plot twists when the Mercenaries threaten to blow up the White House even after their demands are met. Millions of lives are at stake unless an ex-con with a big heart can learn to trust humanity again and stop the Mercenaries once and for all. The movie ends with a mildly comical and/or ironic scene in which the Mercenaries blow up or go to prison. Another satisfying tale of political intrigue and personal redemption closes, and we all walk away from this movie a little wiser.

 

[TheAdamantShot]

Tom Cruise is teh ghay.

 

[Sai]

lol... If it weren't for those, I would've been pissed, 'cause he bad-mouthed my man Morgan Freeman.

... (he does have a big ass nose, true, but it's Morgan mofo'n Freeman God damn it)

 

[Asbel]

Sid: You want subversion on a massive level. You know what one of the greatest fucking scripts ever written in the history of Hollywood is? Top Gun.
Duane: Oh, come on.
Sid: Top Gun is fucking great. What is Top Gun? You think it's a story about a bunch of fighter pilots.
Duane: It's about a bunch of guys waving their dicks around.
Sid: It is a story about a man's struggle with his own homosexuality. It is! That is what Top Gun is about, man. You've got Maverick, all right? He's on the edge, man. He's right on the fucking line, all right? And you've got Iceman, and all his crew. They're gay, they represent the gay man, all right? And they're saying, go, go the gay way, go the gay way. He could go both ways.
Duane: What about Kelly McGillis?
Sid: Kelly McGillis, she's heterosexuality. She's saying: no, no, no, no, no, no, go the normal way, play by the rules, go the normal way. They're saying no, go the gay way, be the gay way, go for the gay way, all right? That is what's going on throughout that whole movie... He goes to her house, all right? It looks like they're going to have sex, you know, they're just kind of sitting back, he's takin' a shower and everything. They don't have sex. He gets on the motorcycle, drives away. She's like, "What the fuck, what the fuck is going on here?" Next scene, next scene you see her, she's in the elevator, she is dressed like a guy. She's got the cap on, she's got the aviator glasses, she's wearing the same jacket that the Iceman wears. She is, okay, this is how I gotta get this guy, this guy's going towards the gay way, I gotta bring him back, I gotta bring him back from the gay way, so I'll do that through subterfuge, I'm gonna dress like a man. All right? That is how she approaches it. Okay, now let me just ask you - I'm gonna digress for two seconds here. I met this girl Amy here, she's like floating around here and everything. Now, she just got divorced, right? All right, but the REAL ending of the movie is when they fight the MIGs at the end, all right? Because he has passed over into the gay way. They are this gay fighting fucking force, all right? And they're beating the Russians, the gays are beating the Russians. And it's over, and they fucking land, and Iceman's been trying to get Maverick the entire time, and finally, he's got him, all right? And what is the last fucking line that they have together? They're all hugging and kissing and happy with each other, and Ice comes up to Maverick, and he says, "Man, you can ride my tail, anytime!" And what does Maverick say? "You can ride mine!" Swordfight! Swordfight! Fuckin' A, man!

LOL. Where'd you get this from? This and Maddox summed up my thoughts on Top Gun. I'm suprise I didn't see Troy and Interview with a Vampire ripped the same way here. (not saying there weren't good parts in these movies)

 

[davis]

I don't know anyone that loved The Sum of All Fears, me thinks he wants to fuck tom cruise also.

 

[The Faceless Master]

I think no further comment is necessary.

HAHAHAHAHHAHAAHHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHA

 

[MaddenNFL64]

Yeah, Top Gun did suck. I liked Last Samurai though. Tom Cruise' character should have died though, not lived happily ever after.

 

[Pimpwerx]

Drug lords devise a scheme to smuggle an impressive amount of cocaine for ransom under the watchful eye of corrupt Gypsie nationals. The plot twists when the Drug lords threaten to blow up the White House even after their demands are met. Millions of lives are at stake unless an ex-con with a big heart can learn to trust humanity again and stop the Drug lords once and for all. The movie ends with a mildly comical and/or ironic scene in which the Drug lords blow up or go to prison. Another satisfying tale of political intrigue and personal redemption closes, and we all walk away from this movie a little wiser.

Best movie ever. It's got drug lords and explosions and gypsies!!! :lol PEACE.

 

[Warm Machine]

LOL. Where'd you get this from? This and Maddox summed up my thoughts on Top Gun. I'm suprise I didn't see Troy and Interview with a Vampire ripped the same way here. (not saying there weren't good parts in these movies)

Interview with a Vampire is bisexual. Or intends to be on purpose. A lot of Anne Rice's work is about boys with boys and not subversively so either.

 

[BuddyC]

Ahh, gotta love those Hollywood double-standards.

 

[StrikerObi]

Guys I've got the latest Tom Clancy script.

Terrorists devise a scheme to steal plans that need to be explained in layman terms for ransom under the watchful eye of corrupt Gypsie nationals. The plot twists when the Terrorists threaten to unravel the keystone of civilization with wild orgies, unless a turncoat naval officer can gain the courage to do the right thing and stop the Terrorists once and for all. The movie ends with a mildly comical and/or ironic scene in which the Terrorists blow up or go to prison. Another satisfying tale of political intrigue and personal redemption closes, and we all walk away from this movie a little wiser.

 

[Boogie]

Braveheart rocked. And the novel of Sum of all Fears was soooo much better than the movie...I mean in the book they blow up the Super Bowl. The motherf'ing SUPERBOWL... In the movie its just some random boring unimportant game...sorry that really pissed me off when I first watched the movie...

I agree. Also, they replaced the the topical islamic terrorists with $%^&ing Nazis. Nazis?!?!

I mean, the novel wasn't anti-islamic at all. Hell, it had peace in the middle east as the major event in the book. But no, the producers had to go all weaksauce and use Nazis, rather than have it true to life.

 

[jett]

Eh, it wasn't funny to me.

 

[demon]

Communists devise a scheme to blackmail a congressman for ransom under the watchful eye of corrupt German officials (played by Americans with fake German accents). The plot twists when the Communists threaten to unravel the keystone of civilization with wild orgies, unless an ex-con with a big heart can learn to trust humanity again and stop the Communists once and for all. The movie ends with a mildly comical and/or ironic scene in which the Communists blow up or go to prison. Another satisfying tale of political intrigue and personal redemption closes, and we all walk away from this movie a little wiser.

 

[levious]

Sid: "Man, you can ride my tail, anytime!" And what does Maverick say? "You can ride mine!" Swordfight! Swordfight! Fuckin' A, man!

I think the actual quote from Top Gun is, "you can be my wingman anytime! Hell no... you can be mine."