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[AJUMP23]

Think of your children and how you can be there for them and how you need to be there for them. They need you. They love you, they want you in their lives. Find value in that.

 

[lukilladog]

It appears to me that you might not be the easiest person to live with, and your wife have had enough, don´t know exactly why, but a person obsessed with building the perfect family can become a nightmare. Maybe keep working on your behavior and the way you see the world, produce some change, and start again.

 

[12Goblins]

People have been getting divorced for many years now, but I can't help but to blame social media for a lot of this shit today.

I hate social media as much as the next guy, but this just comes off as whining and trying to blame other people for your problems/faults

 

[Excess]

People have been getting divorced for many years now, but I can't help but to blame social media for a lot of this shit today.

I didn't want to derail, but this most certainly has exasperated the problem.

A woman can go on social media and be validated without having to seek it physically from a man, so she delusionally elevates her self-worth. Unfortunately, it's nothing more than illusion. On the flip side, men have figured this out and will just use women like this to "get what they want," and then she goes off wondering why no man out of her league will settle with her.

 

[PSYGN]

If everything is otherwise as good as you make it seem, how selfish of her to put this kind of stress on your daughter.

 

[highrider]

My wife is leaving me. My world. My air. 11 years married, almost 12 together. She's not in love, says she can't reclaim it, that she doesn't believe I can change. I've put in so much effort. I'm seeing a psychiatrist now, getting on medication, getting my depression under control. I'm loyal, I'm a good father, a good man, but it's not enough. She won't even see a marital therapist with me. Says she's not receptive to it, that she's fine, but that I need help.

Is there something in the air? The water? Why is everyone up and leaving each other now? Why are people throwing away decades of devotion and love, partnership and togetherness, all at the drop of a dime.

My daughter is devastated. I feel like it's my fault. It probably is. She had a panic attack last night, held on to me for dear life. I very literally wanted to die. She said the stress was too much, and asked me to stay with her always. I told her I'll always be with her, forever and ever, always on her side and her best friend. She doesn't want just her daddy. She doesn't want just her mommy. She wants both. I told her I tried so hard, I did everything, I changed every part of myself, I did everything imaginable and my life was the two of them. I have no meaning beyond the family I've made. I wanted to give my girl the ideal childhood. The real one, that healthy, beautiful childhood. The dog, the cats, the house, the traveling, the hiking, teaching her music, helping her with homework, playing games, having fun, helping her through good and bad. We've got it all.....it's all so good. She's shattering everything and nothing I do can fix it.

Christ I don't know what to do. I don't know who I am. I'm a father, a husband. That's my joy, and it's all I've ever wanted to be. I love her so much, I'd move mountains for her, but she'd rather move them alone....and I know she can. She doesn't need me. She's better than me.

I don't want to be alone. I'm addicted to love, it's my opium. My daughter is my world, but romance is a drug for me. I'm not like other people, I can't stand to be single. I don't function well, I lift weights and take care of myself because I know I need to be healthy and strong for my family. What reason do I have without them?

My daughter said she'd choose to live with me if it came down to that, but this is a liberal state and I've had severe bouts of depression and the VA sent me a gun lock for my pistol because of my wrestling with suicidal tendencies. That's all on record, and she can use it against me to keep my daughter from me. She said she'd never keep my daughter from me, but she doesn't know that my daughter will choose me. What happens when she finds out? Does she try to take my little girl from me?

I'm 34 years old....this is my second marriage. I thought I was done. I thought everything was going to be a fairy tale this time. I'm fucking terrified, I'm distraught, I'm tired, and I just want this all to be a bad dream. 11 years, family was my existence. Now what is existence?

Man this is brutal and I’ve been through something almost identical. When you use terms like my world, and my air you are pretty far gone. You need to take the bitter but ultimately helpful red pill my dude. You need to fully comprehend the pitfalls that exist for men when we become wards of the state ( which your wife will become ) . Start learning about family law, seek out therapy for your mental issues particularly anything on paper. Remember bro’s, kids, none of it matters, she’s not yours, it’s just your turn. Good luck, now the process of accepting female nature begins. Hypergamy, very important all men fully understand it.

 

[Rival]

Sorry you are going through this. I have nothing to offer you other than just stay strong for your daughter. Good luck.

 

[Star-Lord]

A woman can go on social media and be validated without having to seek it physically from a man, so she delusionally elevates her self-worth. Unfortunately, it's nothing more than illusion. On the flip side, men have figured this out and will just use women like this to "get what they want," and then she goes off wondering why no man out of her league will settle with her.

What are you on about?

 

[Excess]

What are you on about?

Revealing how I take advantage.

 

[West Texas CEO]

Revealing how I take advantage.

He's right. I've done the same.

 

[Star-Lord]

Revealing how I take advantage.

I mean, sure, you do you. I just don’t see how that rhetorical applies to OP’s current situation. I’m not saying women don’t turn to social media for validation, and I’m not saying men don’t use social media to prey on vulnerable women, I just don’t think it’s healthy nor helpful to plant such notions in OP’s head.

 

[gamescoltsfan]

The implications.

 

[highrider]

He's right. I've done the same.

Most of our lives we’ve been taught to idealize them, they aren’t that different from us but there are key differences especially today.

 

[AlteredForms]

My daughter is devastated. I feel like it's my fault. It probably is. She had a panic attack last night, held on to me for dear life. She said the stress was too much, and asked me to stay with her always.

That shit broke my heart. What parents fail to understand is that even though their unhappiness and misfortune shouldn't be overlooked, it can never compare to the pain and misery inflicted upon an innocent child. An innocent child who had no part in this wicked game, but they are the ones who pay the greatest price of all...

 

[nush]

People have been getting divorced for many years now, but I can't help but to blame social media for a lot of this shit today.

What I learned about relationships from before social media existing is that some women are very competitive with other women (As men can be too). So before you start your career, you're in a young relationship teen to say 20. You take her out on dates, remember her birthday, treat her right and it's all good.

Timeline again pre social media. She gets a job in an office and she's exposed to perhaps older women who are at a different point in their lives different earning power, Someones got a new kitchen, someones been taken on a foreign holiday, someones boyfriend brought them a car etc. So your girlfriend comes home and asks why you haven't brought her a holiday/kitchen/car?

As a guy under 30 you've yet to reach the stride of your earning power which does not typically happen until you are over 30, she does not care if you can afford it or how your going to pay for it (Get into debt to make her happy). So quite often she'll trade up in her mid 20's to someone with more earning power. Although she wont say that, she'll give another reason "It's not you it's me". Then she's off.

What social media has done is expose her to more women showing an idealist version of their life, but it's mostly fake. Whereas before she would settle in her 30's now she'll trade up in her mid 30's or older, or think she can. As a man you have to keep up providing "Content" for her social media now. The value of the things you do are no longer face value but the worth judged by the likes and positive comments from her "Friends". It's some tiring shit. I think there's women out there getting married that don't want a husband, they want a new dad they can boss around who gives them money becuse she's a "Strong independent woman" who's not going to live a traditional role. Although the man is still supposed to do the things she wants that benefit her.

 

[Mossybrew]

Marriage was a mistake. What a clusterfuck. OP you say you can't stand to be single, alone, well welcome to the deep end of the pool, life is telling you, maybe you need to learn to be on your own for a while.

Fucking women. You give them everything, your whole life, then one day they say that's not fucking good enough, so long sucker. This is the crucible moment, where you can either run into the arms of the nearest woman who will have you and repeat the process, or realize you don't need anyone, you can be fine on your own and thrive. And it's this condition that can eventually form the basis for a better relationship in the future, if I'm being optimistic. Not based on need, but on someone who brings value to your life.

Nah what the fuck do I know, ignore everything I say.

 

[bitbydeath]

Sorry to hear OP.
You must stay focused on your daughter, if you took your own life then she would be absolutely devastated so definitely do not do that and always keep her in the back of your mind when those negative thoughts come.

I would also recommend using this as a wake up call and get your affairs in order ASAP. Make goals no matter how small and work out how you can achieve them. It’s all about the baby steps.

Wishing you well OP.

 

[KeepYourHeart1989]

Feelings change, people change and some things may change way beyond what we'd want them to. We have control over very little things in this world other than how we react to changes that are beyond your reach. Blaming yourself will make you feel lighter in the short run and absolutely horrible in the long run.

Remember as well that you can't make someone stay if they don't want to, nor can you can control someone towards feeling what they don't. The sooner you realize this the easier it will be to dissociate person from fantasy; and I don't want to see you chasing fantasies. Don't waste your life chasing something which no longer exists. Don't live the present that no longer exists.

There will be no other option than to move on and keep living, and whether this will take a few weeks or entire decades or even your whole life will depend a lot on how you react to this. Know that if you live a life in denial you'll be discarding the only life you'll ever have. The sooner you're able to pick up the pieces and keep living the life that's yours, the more you'll be able to live fuller.

I wish you luck on your journey. Do whatever you can to make sure you can communicate with your daughter so she knows who you are by yourself rather than by versions. Talk to her when she can hear and hear her when she talks. You'll keep on living and I hope your life will be fantastic on however's possible.

Remember; life is long and isn't always how we want it to be. But every single day you can try to make it a little better. Keep living the life you hope to live and it might be not the one you expect, but one that suits you well. Whatever is the life you have, it will be better than to keep in denial for a fantasy. Live.

(And please keep doing therapy. Always.)

 

[Mossybrew]

Feelings change, people change and some things may change way beyond what we'd want them to. We have control over very little things in this world other than how we react to changes that are beyond your reach.

Very true. And that control over how we react, takes a long time to get better at. We have to realize our initial, emotional reaction to things is something that happens beyond our control. We need to allow it space, recognize it, experience it, then evaluate if that emotion is benefiting us and those around us or not - then afterwards act on that sober reflection.

 

[FunkMiller]

People have been getting divorced for many years now, but I can't help but to blame social media for a lot of this shit today.

Divorce rate is actually down.

https://ifstudies.org/blog/the-us-divorce-rate-has-hit-a-50-year-low

 

[nush]

Divorce rate is actually down.

https://ifstudies.org/blog/the-us-divorce-rate-has-hit-a-50-year-low

How does that compare to the marriage rate?

 

[Outlier]

I cannot add anything here that others haven't already done a much better job of.

I can only imagine how you might feel and wish for you to be strong and never give up on yourself.

Find what makes you happy and do it.

 

[FunkMiller]

How does that compare to the marriage rate?

Also down! Though, there’s no correlation between the rise of social media and an increase in divorce, it appears. I guess less people are interested in marriage these days. It’s certainly not in the cards for me and my girlfriend. We’re very happy as goddess (and godless) heathens living in sin

 

[FunkMiller]

Fucking women. You give them everything, your whole life, then one day they say that's not fucking good enough, so long sucker. This is the crucible moment, where you can either run into the arms of the nearest woman who will have you and repeat the process, or realize you don't need anyone, you can be fine on your own and thrive. And it's this condition that can eventually form the basis for a better relationship in the future, if I'm being optimistic. Not based on need, but on someone who brings value to your life.

Thing is, it ain’t about ‘women’. Some women are cunts, some women are fantastic. Exactly the same as men. As soon as you start lumping then all together, you fail. Over and over.

Once you start treating them as what they are: individuals with their own neuroses, desires and attitudes, you make better decisions… and you treat them as equals. That’s when you find the ‘right one’. And if you don’t, it’s time to look at your own conduct.

 

[Artoris]

Also down! Though, there’s no correlation between the rise of social media and an increase in divorce, it appears. I guess less people are interested in marriage these days. It’s certainly not in the cards for me and my girlfriend. We’re very happy as goddess heathens living in sin

"goddess heathens" is that some new religious group

 

[Star-Lord]

Once you start treating them as what they are: individuals with their own neuroses, desires and attitudes, you make better decisions… and you treat them as equals. That’s when you find the ‘right one’. And if you don’t, it’s time to look at your own conduct.

Exactly. I won’t deny that I was like that in my first couple of relationships, placing my partners on an impossibly high pedestal, but I was a pretty late bloomer and so quickly learned that nobody is above me and nobody is below me. Like you said, we are all equal.

 

[TonyK]

Very sad story. I feel really empathy for you. But you are saying things that could be red flags for another person, so I can't understand your wife's position on this. I had episodes of severe depression and suicide tendencies, and I'm married and I have a son, so I can't connect very easily with your pain and feelings. But at the same time, it's not fair to expect that a person accepts that part from us. It's totally fair that your wife doesn't want to continue building a life with a person with depressive and suicide tendencies. Her life is not devoted to you. If she is not happy, she has the freedom to purchase her own happiness. I'm totally sure she never will fault as mother, but you can't expect she always will be there for you.

Also, you are very young, I'm 47, you can work on control that depression and suicide tendencies. It's hard but it's possible. Now I am a lot more stable than when I was your age. But don't make the effort for her, that's a lost battle, make it for you and your daughter.

 

[chromhound]

Best advice, don't take advice from me lol

Honestly I've been there, and what's turned my life around massively is being 100% positive and realization that's its not me.

Obviously if you have kids that changes everything, but for me my life in the last week's has been amazing, when a month or so before I was at rock bottom

It's corny, but this 100% worked for me, and that's be the positivity to everyone around you, you be that change, and it draws people to you, everything in my life is better now, family and friends relationships,y own self worth.

Don't let someone else's thought and actions define who and what you are.

Good luck dude, if ya need a chat, DM me, happy to be the dude you vent too

He's 100% right

 

[plushyp]

Thing is, it ain’t about ‘women’. Some women are cunts, some women are fantastic. Exactly the same as men. As soon as you start lumping then all together, you fail. Over and over.

Once you start treating them as what they are: individuals with their own neuroses, desires and attitudes, you make better decisions… and you treat them as equals. That’s when you find the ‘right one’. And if you don’t, it’s time to look at your own conduct.

Yes, this is it - guys and girls need to stop generalizing and treat each person as an individual. As soon as someone begins lumping together an entire gender, you get cancerous misandrists and misogynists that are frequently screeching vile stuff.

 

[lachesis]

All I can say is learn to love yourself more. Be strong. You will be fine.
I went thru exact same thing. Said exact same thing to my child too.
You are not worthless. Remember that.

 

[Peggies]

Also down! Though, there’s no correlation between the rise of social media and an increase in divorce, it appears. I guess less people are interested in marriage these days. It’s certainly not in the cards for me and my girlfriend. We’re very happy as goddess (and godless) heathens living in sin

In what way exactly is the point of celebrating a wedding the reason for a long term relationship not to work?

I get when people are scared of divorve because of money reasons or their kids, but do you think you and your girlfriend have the potential to stay together forever as long as you don't marry or do you mean you two don't plan to stay togehter till the end?

 

[FunkMiller]

I get when people are scared of divorve because of money reasons or their kids, but do you think you and your girlfriend have the potential to stay together forever as long as you don't marry or do you mean you two don't plan to stay togehter till the end?

It means we don’t really care about the institution of marriage, and it has no relevancy to our relationship. We intend to stay together as long as we love each other… which shows no signs of going anywhere at the minute

 

[Cockles & Whelks]

Again, best advice I can give here is mid thirties. That's every Man's Golden Age...and it gets better. Up to now was the prequels. Now the Episode 4, 5 and 6 of your life can begin.

 

[Go_Ly_Dow]

Diminishing role of men in the family unit, coupled with ridiculously high expectations from some women is part of the reason for rising divorce rates.

Its of course more complicated than that too, but that's a part of it.

Then there's culture and orthodoxy around what marriage means. In my culture, marriage is a commitment for life and divorce isn't common.

 

[drganon]

Wish I could help, but I'm a loser staring down his mid thirties without ever having been in any relationship.

 

[Star-Lord]

Wish I could help, but I'm a loser staring down his mid thirties without ever having been in any relationship.

That’s not a bad thing, my friend. Own it. Embrace it. Wear it like armour.

 

[EverydayBeast]

Certainly know what divorce is about at the time it feels like a horror movie but you know how to surround yourself with things you love, keep your wallet fat etc. sorry OP. Life after divorce isn’t easy but could be better.

 

[SidViscous]

Sounds like you need to work on loving yourself, as folks have said - you act like your wife is better than you, no wonder she thinks she can do better. I know it may be the depression talking and it's not an easy fix but stop putting yourself down.

You sound like a great dad, focus on that and set yourself some personal goals for the future, do what would make your daughter proud.

 

[rkofan87]

why do the courts side with the mom 90% of the time?

 

[West Texas CEO]

why do the courts side with the mom 90% of the time?

 

[rkofan87]

this lol

 

[Mossybrew]

Thing is, it ain’t about ‘women’. Some women are cunts, some women are fantastic. Exactly the same as men. As soon as you start lumping then all together, you fail. Over and over.

Once you start treating them as what they are: individuals with their own neuroses, desires and attitudes, you make better decisions… and you treat them as equals. That’s when you find the ‘right one’. And if you don’t, it’s time to look at your own conduct.

Yup, this is true.

 

[West Texas CEO]

we don’t really care about the institution of marriage

If you two live together for a certain amount of time, the State will step in regardless and declare you both married by Common Law.

 

[nush]

If you two live together for a certain amount of time, the State will step in regardless and declare you both married by Common Law.

Depends what country he's from.

 

[StylishMGTOW]

Hang in there, OP. There's a lot of good advice in this thread, but I know in times like this, it's very hard to think straight. I honestly don't know what else to add to it but that my thoughts are with you at the moment.

I know we've clashed in different threads a while back, but I don't think anyone deserved this happen to them, especially you. You sounded like you care a whole deal for your family from the interaction we've had.

But yeah, if there's anything I know about us men: we might shit on each other when we do stupid shit, but in times like this, we always have our backs. This thread kind of exemplifies that.

 

[FunkMiller]

Depends what country he's from.

U.K., so yep.

 

[Star-Lord]

U.K., so yep.

Common-law marriage doesn’t exist in the UK, as far as I know. It’s simply referred to as it is — living together. If you split, there’s no law stating your property and finances are split equally.

 

[FunkMiller]

Common-law marriage doesn’t exist in the UK, as far as I know. It’s simply referred to as it is — living together. If you split, there’s no law stating your property and finances are split equally.

Ah gotcha. Well, she earns a bit more than me anyway, so all good

 

[JimmyRustler]

Diminishing role of men in the family unit, coupled with ridiculously high expectations from some women is part of the reason for rising divorce rates.

Its of course more complicated than that too, but that's a part of it.

Then there's culture and orthodoxy around what marriage means. In my culture, marriage is a commitment for life and divorce isn't common.

Lets boil it down... Way too many women today want babies, not families.

But make no mistake... I put no blame on women. Assuming I'd be a women (and haven't read about how important both mother and father for a child are), I'd probably have the same mindset. Trying to see the whole issue from the perspective of a women (especially a good looking one) it's hard to resist the Tinder & Instagram lifestyle.

 

[GymWolf]

Yes. It's the same side effect as the 'great resignation' stuff in my mind. Covid forced people to re-think their current situation and what they want going forward. Couple that with people who normally spend a good portion of their days apart now living on top of each other and you have the perfect storm.

Why the pandemic is causing spikes in break-ups and divorces

Divorce rates are increasing around the world, and relationship experts warn the pandemic-induced break-up curve may not have peaked yet.

www.bbc.com

Not to be rude, but covid exposed all the weak marriages out there.

Imagine breaking with your beloved one because you have to pass more time with him...