I don't want to scare you or change your behavior but this is what you may be looking forward to.
I was a functioning alcoholic for over 19 years from 1999 to 2018.
My routine was simple & robotic, I always skipped supper and drank 12 beers. Never drank at work, never made an ass of myself but fell asleep shitfaced around 9 PM. Wake up at 6 AM for work not fully rested but who cares.
Early march 2018 I showed up at work with yellow eyes, sent to hospital and eventually diagnosed with cirrhosis of the liver.
2 times they drained 6 litres of liquid from my stomach. I usually weight 190 pounds but one morning my weight was 235 with my belly rock hard looking like an 8 month pregnant woman.
My legs were red, puffed up and constantly sweating liquid.
I was offered to go to rehab and jumped at the chance as this was my true Rock Bottom and I was ready. This sounds cheesy but I was ready to love myself again. Stop sabotaging myself.
Upon my successful return from rehab I had not taken a shit in 5 days so they did a colonoscopy and discovered a nasty tumor in my colon.
A week later my surgeon saved my life at the cost of removing my whole colon and 12 sessions of chemo to erase the lesions on my liver.
I have a stoma with a poop bag which I've now mastered like a pro. The first couple of months were trial & error as I trashed a couple of pairs of underwear & jeans that were too soiled to keep.
I've rambled on too much but what I'm saying is that YOU ARE WORTH IT and you are loved.
We want you here with us for many years to come