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[pramod]

Maybe it's because I'm in the hyper competitive tech industry, it's hard for me to see any of my coworkers as friends. Sure we can collaborate and stuff but ultimately we are competing for that same promotion or raise.

It even gets more awkward since companies like to encourage us to be more "social". Like forcing us to eat together or do dumb "activities".

Anyone else have the problem? Or am I just stuck in a company with a horrible culture?

 

[Gabbelgak]

I try not to shit where I eat. Very rare I try to make friends with coworkers and I'm probably in the field where it is the most commonplace, the military. Keeping work and home separate is the only way I can maintain any sanity.

 

[kingwingin]

All my friends are/were coworkers.

Couldn't imagine not being friends with the people I work with. Makes work so much better

 

[haxan7]

I’ve always been friends with my coworkers.

Sounds like you just aren’t feeling it or already have enough friends. The older we get the harder it is to make new friends.

 

[EviLore]

Maybe it's because I'm in the hyper competitive tech industry, it's hard for me to see any of my coworkers as friends. Sure we can collaborate and stuff but ultimately we are competing for that same promotion or raise.

It even gets more awkward since companies like to encourage us to be more "social". Like forcing us to eat together or do dumb "activities".

Anyone else have the problem? Or am I just stuck in a company with a horrible culture?

People in tech often move up through job-hopping rather than internal promotions. Still, I don't see why you can't be friends with people in a competitive environment. Being on better terms with people has a lot of upsides no matter the circumstances. Plus, in tech making friends opens up opportunities to collaborate on side projects that can turn into side hustles or startups.

 

[Deleted member 1159]

Could be the industry you’re in…personally I’ve always tried to find friends with coworkers, but always avoided any semblance of drama. For the most part I’ve been lucky to work with good people, smart and ethical, and I even ended up marrying and having a couple kids with one

 

[Taxexemption]

It's good to talk to people a little, as there will usually be someone better than you that you can learn from. However, at the end of the day you are a cog in a machine. Or perhaps a more apt analogy would be you are a relatively modern PC, when the new models come out, or you get glitchy, they'll throw you away the same way you'd throw an old computer away. If you don't make good dollars and cents its off to the landfill with you, or them. Nothing worse than knowing some poor sap really needs this job to support their wife/family or they need insurance for some health problem they have and then one day for reasons never explained to you it's off to the landfill with him.

 

[Susurrus]

Now why the hell would you want to do that?

 

[nush]

I found that I don't want to make actual friends with my coworkers, I'll just be friendly with them. Also I found in the past that a lot of work friends are just friends of convienience and as soon as you leave the job they'll no longer be friends with you (Ignore messages, don't reply to emails and never get invited out with them ever again).

 

[AJUMP23]

I am friendly and talk to the people I work with. But I am not friends with most people I work with. I do have some that I play video games with. And I have had 1 job were I made 3 genuine friends that I talk to after the job went away.
But my friends are people I go to church with. And travel with.

 

[Deleted member 17706]

I'm friendly and get along well with everyone I work with, but have only made an actual lasting friendship with like... two people out of the hundreds I've worked with.

It's tough when everyone's got their separate lives going and especially after marriage and kids come into the picture.

 

[Dark Star]

I don’t really initiate conversation that isn’t work related. I show up on time and do my job, not really interested in making new friends. Never have really. I feel like most people I’ve worked with other the years haven’t showed much interest in me either. I’ve never thought “hey I should invite Bob, who’s 10 years older than me and married with kids, over this weekend so we can play video games and do a Star Wars marathon” lol. Not a million years. I’m friendly and open to talk about hobbies at work, but I’d like to keep my home separate from work. I just add those folks on LinkedIn and pretend they don’t exist after 9-5.

 

[Nobody_Important]

I have work friends, but outside of work and work related events I try not to get any more personal than that. Only exception being my offices fantasy football league.


I understand the draw of making friends with people that you work with, but to me the downsides of such a relationship vastly outweigh the positives. Because if a situation ever arises such as layoffs or any other work-related issue that has the possibility of bleeding over into personal life it can lead to some seriously sticky and unsavory feelings for everyone involved.


Imagine becoming extremely close friends with your coworkers and then layoffs happen and you end up being the only one that got to keep their job. Or your friend getting laid off and you take over his position. I'm sure that most people would be adults about it, but to say that there wouldn't be any kind of feelings either way would be naive at best. I would rather just avoid the situation entirely if possible.

 

[Happosai]

Maybe it's because I'm in the hyper competitive tech industry, it's hard for me to see any of my coworkers as friends. Sure we can collaborate and stuff but ultimately we are competing for that same promotion or raise.

It even gets more awkward since companies like to encourage us to be more "social". Like forcing us to eat together or do dumb "activities".

Anyone else have the problem? Or am I just stuck in a company with a horrible culture?

I work supervising young tech business workers into becoming better in the marketing industry. I give equal incentives, encourage teamwork so they all push to hit our metric goals as a growing tech platform. If one out performs the other -- the commission is obviously higher. However this also challenges those who don't hit their weekly goals to push harder when their teammate is earning above. If they don't befriend each other and I have a bunch of loners...then 3/30 new personnel will hit above salary per month and retention scales higher as many will start job hopping.

 

[Scotty W]

You need to work on a good opener. Try “My pronouns are they/he.”

Everyone likes a gift, and everyone likes homemade fudge, so…

People are fascinated by artists, so I recommend writing some verses and then rapping them to new converts to get an outsiders opinion.

Let them know that their friendship is so important to you that you even asked for advice about it on Neogaf.

Good friends tend to wrestle a bit, so you could try some small, friendly assaults on potential new converts.

You have to neg new friends a bit. Subtly insult them so they doubt their worth, and are forced to cling to you for life.

Nothing unites people as much as a scapegoat. You need to find another coworker and convince everyone that he/they is the source of all your problems. Cruelty is a great friendship builder.

 

[pramod]

Imagine becoming extremely close friends with your coworkers and then layoffs happen and you end up being the only one that got to keep their job. Or your friend getting laid off and you take over his position. I'm sure that most people would be adults about it, but to say that there wouldn't be any kind of feelings either way would be naive at best. I would rather just avoid the situation entirely if possible.

Before when I was a lot more naive and didn't understand stuff like "office politics", it was a lot easier for me to make friends at work. When I was in my 20s one of my best friends was a co-worker, he was eventually laid off and I wasn't, I felt really bad for him, and eventually he had to move away. I tried to help him out and be supportive but in the end our friendship ended. It's experiences like this that has made me more reluctant to make office friends, but I think it's still mainly becoming older and more jaded/cynical about how office politics work, ie knowing you're competing and being compared against every other person there.

 

[crazepharmacist]

I’m an RN in a union. We can’t ask for raises because everything is standardized so there’s no competition or incentive to work hard. As a result, everyone’s friends and we all sleep around

 

[NecrosaroIII]

I'm on friendly terms with all my coworkers but I will never hang out with then outside of work.

 

[GeorgPrime]

Maybe it's because I'm in the hyper competitive tech industry, it's hard for me to see any of my coworkers as friends. Sure we can collaborate and stuff but ultimately we are competing for that same promotion or raise.

It even gets more awkward since companies like to encourage us to be more "social". Like forcing us to eat together or do dumb "activities".

Anyone else have the problem? Or am I just stuck in a company with a horrible culture?

I have 6 friends from work. We know work in different industries but still meet.

 

[Tschumi]

It's your age and life experiences, and maybe some minor prejudices which feel valid when you're home alone but leave you flailing when you're out dealing with real people. I have developed a shyness during a difficult past few years, and that's held me back from speaking up in the office, but I'm aware of it and constantly speaking up despite it.

My problem is with names. I've lived in Asian countries for virtually all of my professional life, and ever since i was a teen-ager my brain just checks out on remembering their names at first meeting.

Chinese is a really fun language to learn, but the reasons for that fun make remembering names pretty tough - they're remixes of pretty standard components and, yeah, it's easy to lose track.

Japanese is even more difficult for first time meetings, they have even more ubiquitous components and slight variations on names, in top of having more than two syllables... Matoko. Makoto. Matoka. Mizuho Mitsuho Mitsuko. Who the hell knows what else.. it can be really easy to mix up the order...

I'm lucky my current boss has an easy name to remember, she's a woman but her name is Kaoru, which i personally consider to be a masculine name. Easy to remember.

.. i keep telling myself i need to make notes on all the names. I'll try do that today.

 

[SpiceRacz]

I'm in a similar situation. Mostly my own fault though. I'm not super social and I don't like being around people most of the time. At work or outside of it.

 

[NecrosaroIII]

It's your age and life experiences, and maybe some minor prejudices which feel valid when you're home alone but leave you flailing when you're out dealing with real people. I have developed a shyness during a difficult past few years, and that's held me back from speaking up in the office, but I'm aware of it and constantly speaking up despite it.

My problem is with names. I've lived in Asian countries for virtually all of my professional life, and ever since i was a teen-ager my brain just checks out on remembering their names at first meeting.

Chinese is a really fun language to learn, but the reasons for that fun make remembering names pretty tough - they're remixes of pretty standard components and, yeah, it's easy to lose track.

Japanese is even more difficult for first time meetings, they have even more ubiquitous components and slight variations on names, in top of having more than two syllables... Matoko. Makoto. Matoka. Mizuho Mitsuho Mitsuko. Who the hell knows what else.. it can be really easy to mix up the order...

I'm lucky my current boss has an easy name to remember, she's a woman but her name is Kaoru, which i personally consider to be a masculine name. Easy to remember.

.. i keep telling myself i need to make notes on all the names. I'll try do that today.

Why do you consider Kaoru a masculine name, out of curiosity? It is a pretty generic girl's name from my experience

 

[haxan7]

I found that I don't want to make actual friends with my coworkers, I'll just be friendly with them. Also I found in the past that a lot of work friends are just friends of convienience and as soon as you leave the job they'll no longer be friends with you (Ignore messages, don't reply to emails and never get invited out with them ever again).

I attended a coworker’s small wedding 4+ years after we both left that job (small as in like 10 invitees total, family and close friends only.). Anything is possible but I’d agree your scenario is more likely.

 

[nush]

Chinese is a really fun language to learn, but the reasons for that fun make remembering names pretty tough - they're remixes of pretty standard components and, yeah, it's easy to lose track.

There were 3 Chinese women that I dated, memorable ones not total mind you.

Wan Chen
Wan Chuan
An Chen

Hard to remember in hindsight but I wasn't dating them all at the same time.

 

[Brian Fellows]

I get along pretty well with everyone at work but I’m not looking to hang out with any of them outside of work.

 

[jdforge]

It’s always good to be friendly with people you work with, but I would air on the side of caution of becoming close friends with anyone at work.

Where there’s money, status, hierarchies, deadlines, contracts, responsibility etc. it isn’t the best environment to find true friendship and trusting connections.

 

[TonyK]

Maybe it's because I'm in the hyper competitive tech industry, it's hard for me to see any of my coworkers as friends. Sure we can collaborate and stuff but ultimately we are competing for that same promotion or raise.

It even gets more awkward since companies like to encourage us to be more "social". Like forcing us to eat together or do dumb "activities".

Anyone else have the problem? Or am I just stuck in a company with a horrible culture?

Be encouraged to be social is a horrible culture?

 

[nush]

Be encouraged to be social is a horrible culture?

"Team building" when not organic is a fucking awful fake exercise.

 

[Tschumi]

Why do you consider Kaoru a masculine name, out of curiosity? It is a pretty generic girl's name from my experience

Nothing suspicious about it, i just haven't met women with that name before, just my luck..

 

[Artistic]

Haven't really tried to. Everything seems cool at work, but that's it. Work and go home to our own individual lives.

 

[casablanca]

50% of my friends are old/current coworkers.
All my jobs where referrals from those friends.

It's not mandatory to be BFFs but making meaningful connections is a skill not a choice, if you want to keep evolving in the tech industry.

 

[gimmmick]

Majority of the friends I have made over the years are the ones I have met in the work force. I work in the restaurant industry and it was routine to hang out with them after getting your ass kicked during service.

 

[Quasicat]

I’m an RN in a union. We can’t ask for raises because everything is standardized so there’s no competition or incentive to work hard. As a result, everyone’s friends and we all sleep around

Education is very similar in regards to pay. The difference in public schools, in general, is political. The liberals and conservatives weed out the new hires quickly and once you choose your loyalties, you’re pretty much there until you leave. As for making friends, with the nature of contracts and the education field, new people rarely stay for more than a year or two. The ones that do stay understand that you have a friendship out of convenience (since you get a short time to talk to each other at lunch, between classes, and after department meetings) and rarely associate with each other outside of school hours.

 

[Maiden Voyage]

I’ve met most of my friends through work. My social circle is fairly limited in terms of who I spend a great deal of time with, though. I’m a quality over quantity kind of guy.