DOWN
Banned
Duh Spoilers
There's a point at which a movie purporting to be based on real events has now set my expectations for what is plausible and ruins itself when it goes beyond that real life plausibility. Doesn't have to be perfectly accurate, but believability matters.
This movie honestly seemed stylistically basic to me and very committee studio from early on, but I said that's fine and plowed onward. But then it starts to get super fucking unbelievable. Like never has a historic movie that I don't even know the historic facts about actually made me feel sure that I've spotted things they must have changed. I don't see how a director could have done much wrong since the movie was clearly script driven so I don't get it being best picture that year and being heralded as Ben Affleck proving his worth, and the script was blatantly packed with drama to the point where it blew it and became obviously false.
They are living with a guy who takes like no initiative and isn't active but rather is getting all the direction he needs to host his guests from the Americans? Oh ok they credit him at the very end with actually having been a good ass spy (and apparently this post script was added because Affleck was getting called out at test screening for how badly he left out the credit due to the guy housing the Americans).
To give authenticity to the fake movie, the Americans have to go out into the wild and dangerous streets! They get terrifying glares and could get caught, but it must be done or this will fail! Hope they don't get spotted and called out oh no - but no. They actually did not wander the streets of Tehran in real life to make their movie seem real as they feared for their lives. They lived with the Canadians the whole time and didn't engage in such dramatic suspense. Let me roll my eyes. Is anyone stupid enough for the script to have gotten away with that? Please tell me you didn't think they'd do something that stupid in real life GAF.
They go to the airport and *gasp* their escape plan is being foiled as the Americans struggle over whether they give them tickets. Heart pounding stares as they hope their tickets go through. This seemed like unprepared melodrama writing and of course, it was. Turns out the Canadians who Baffleck minimized for the patriotism sake bought tickets in advance and there was no drama there. THEN, uh oh, the security is acting suspicious, have they been caught? Now the guards are gonna call their studio to check if they're really filmmakers and the Americans gotta speak their language to try and weasel out of the suspicions oh no! *Phew* that works out too, of course. Oh, turns out they didn't get stopped or checked unusually at all in real life. Again, making some unbelievable drama.
They get through security but as they prepare to depart - SOMEBODY FIGURES OUT THEY JUST SAW AN AMERICAN when they pices shredded papers together. The superiors go on alert and armed guards drive a fucking Jeep down the runway trying to stop the escape! Believe it! Thank goodness they made it out! Oh wait, there was no drama there in real life either. They took off like any normal flight. But the audience wouldn't think that through right? Of course a Jeep would chase a passenger plane down the runway, right?
Yeah sorry, but I've discovered in the past year that I don't like biopics and historical adaptations much these days. They are boring as fuck because real life isn't as cool as scripts, and when the movie does become cool? It's because they do shit in a dramatic or feel good way that I know isn't real and end up finding out I'm right. Clint Eastwood knocked my whole family out a few times with his biopics. Lincoln was hefty on that theatrical feels and boredom rollercoaster. Sure, The Social Network was fun, but that's because we were told in the promotion before the movie that there's plenty we don't know about how things were socially for Mark Zuckerberg so the story is really a gripping modern social tale and less a biopic. Trust me, I can take slow. Mad Men is genius and There Will Be Blood gets me contemplating like nobody's business. But biopics just feel like fishing for your stupidity and emotions as the Oscars come through town.
There's a point at which a movie purporting to be based on real events has now set my expectations for what is plausible and ruins itself when it goes beyond that real life plausibility. Doesn't have to be perfectly accurate, but believability matters.
This movie honestly seemed stylistically basic to me and very committee studio from early on, but I said that's fine and plowed onward. But then it starts to get super fucking unbelievable. Like never has a historic movie that I don't even know the historic facts about actually made me feel sure that I've spotted things they must have changed. I don't see how a director could have done much wrong since the movie was clearly script driven so I don't get it being best picture that year and being heralded as Ben Affleck proving his worth, and the script was blatantly packed with drama to the point where it blew it and became obviously false.
They are living with a guy who takes like no initiative and isn't active but rather is getting all the direction he needs to host his guests from the Americans? Oh ok they credit him at the very end with actually having been a good ass spy (and apparently this post script was added because Affleck was getting called out at test screening for how badly he left out the credit due to the guy housing the Americans).
To give authenticity to the fake movie, the Americans have to go out into the wild and dangerous streets! They get terrifying glares and could get caught, but it must be done or this will fail! Hope they don't get spotted and called out oh no - but no. They actually did not wander the streets of Tehran in real life to make their movie seem real as they feared for their lives. They lived with the Canadians the whole time and didn't engage in such dramatic suspense. Let me roll my eyes. Is anyone stupid enough for the script to have gotten away with that? Please tell me you didn't think they'd do something that stupid in real life GAF.
They go to the airport and *gasp* their escape plan is being foiled as the Americans struggle over whether they give them tickets. Heart pounding stares as they hope their tickets go through. This seemed like unprepared melodrama writing and of course, it was. Turns out the Canadians who Baffleck minimized for the patriotism sake bought tickets in advance and there was no drama there. THEN, uh oh, the security is acting suspicious, have they been caught? Now the guards are gonna call their studio to check if they're really filmmakers and the Americans gotta speak their language to try and weasel out of the suspicions oh no! *Phew* that works out too, of course. Oh, turns out they didn't get stopped or checked unusually at all in real life. Again, making some unbelievable drama.
They get through security but as they prepare to depart - SOMEBODY FIGURES OUT THEY JUST SAW AN AMERICAN when they pices shredded papers together. The superiors go on alert and armed guards drive a fucking Jeep down the runway trying to stop the escape! Believe it! Thank goodness they made it out! Oh wait, there was no drama there in real life either. They took off like any normal flight. But the audience wouldn't think that through right? Of course a Jeep would chase a passenger plane down the runway, right?
Yeah sorry, but I've discovered in the past year that I don't like biopics and historical adaptations much these days. They are boring as fuck because real life isn't as cool as scripts, and when the movie does become cool? It's because they do shit in a dramatic or feel good way that I know isn't real and end up finding out I'm right. Clint Eastwood knocked my whole family out a few times with his biopics. Lincoln was hefty on that theatrical feels and boredom rollercoaster. Sure, The Social Network was fun, but that's because we were told in the promotion before the movie that there's plenty we don't know about how things were socially for Mark Zuckerberg so the story is really a gripping modern social tale and less a biopic. Trust me, I can take slow. Mad Men is genius and There Will Be Blood gets me contemplating like nobody's business. But biopics just feel like fishing for your stupidity and emotions as the Oscars come through town.
