Mike Works
Member
This is what we call an angry rant. A long angry rant. There is a very distinct reason why I have made it long. You will understand at the end.
The game referenced in this thread is Sid Meier's Pirates, a normally fun game. In the game, you start out as a pirate with an alligiance to one of four nations; England, France, Spain, and the Dutch. I started as English with my sole personal enemy being the French, though I eventually branched off into attacking the Spaniards, considering they have so many ports, and England declared war on Spain when I was playing yesterday.
My story begins after roughly 10 hours of play time, in the Florida Keys. I have established an England stronghold in the area through various means. It is basically the best place for me to go in the game, since the Governer gives me free ship repairs, free ship upgrades, their merchant gives me more money for goods than anywhere else, and I've wooed his daughter several times. Life is great in Florida.
Then, one pirate day after ransacking a handful of Spanish ships, I return to the Florida Keys to sell my booty. I go to the Governer's mansion to see how his daughter is doing and OH NO, she's been KIDNAPPED! This is interesting, I didn't know this happened in the game! He pleads for me to rescue her, and I tell him I will, because I gave that bitch a ruby, and rubies aren't fucking free. He tells me she's been taken to some place at the very bottom of the map, which requires me to sail a bunch west, and then east, to get around a big piece of land. But whatever, I worked hard on dancing for that woman, she's mine.
So after stocking up on food, me and my band of pirates set out to sea. Seconds after leaving the port, we're attacked by a Spanish Pirate vessel (the Spaniards friggin hate me at this point in the game). I make short work of him thanks to my big ship, and continue on west, which goes swiftly, because the wind always blows west in the game. After fighting two more Spanish ships, I anchor at a Pirate cove in order to get my ship repaired and hopefully find some more crew. In the bar (where you recruit crew), some pirate is hitting on a woman. I stand up for her, duel the pirate, win, get some shoes or something from her, and leave the town. As we reach the Western most point (the edge of the piece of land seperating the Florida Keys from the South Pacific), I'm attacked by three god damn French ships. After 2 easy fights and a final close one, I have to sail back to the pirate cove for repairs, which takes pretty long, because I'm now going against the wind. I get there, repair, and go back West. I reach the point and sail past it without trouble this time.
By now I've been playing for about 15 or 20 minutes (the ship battles can be long if you're fighting a ship that keeps it's distance). After passing the point, I head due South along a coastline, keeping an eye out for pirates (they usually have good booty). Within the next 10 minutes of my journey I fight 2 Spaniards and 1 Pirate. My ship is a little banged up, but not too bad. I alter my ship's course to go South-East, toward the direction of the woman I'm supposed to save. I'll try and condense this, as it is getting long; it takes me 10 minutes to get there, thanks to a few other fights and repairs.
So I get to the Pirate Cove she's been taken to, duel with the pirate who took her, save her, and she's off with me! Now comes the longest part of the journey, moving East. As mentioned earlier, the wind is always blowing West in the game, so moving East is about 10x slower than West. Eventually I get to the Eastern point of the land that was blocking my way. From then on it's smooth sailing back to Flor- wait a minute! A known pirate! There are 10 (or 9?) known pirates in the game (like Blackbeard for one), their ships have red flags instead of black ones. Defeating them is one of the main objectives in the game. Unforunately, this one is in a fast ship, and the fucker decides to escape to the East. So instead of a fast paced chase, it's the equivolent of 2 cars going 5 mph, zig zagging so as to make best use of the fucking wind. I finally reach him, we fight for 5 minutes, I win.
After that, it's straight to Florida, my crew is restless, my ships are torn up, I need to- Jesus Christ, ANOTHER known pirate! 10 minutes of chasing and battling, I've downed another. This has been a productive trip! After repairing my ships at a pirate cove, I head North West, directly to the Florida Keys. I change from the isometric view to the straight forward one and use my telescope.. I can see it! It's taken pretty much an hour to save this one fucking girl, but I did it. I did it. We're about 5 on screen inches away from the port when- hmm, what's that? A large Spanish warship is ahead of us coming from the West. I suppose I could take down one more large ship before I dock and reap my rewards. So I try to cut him off, but I can't, as he's too far North. He's heading for Florida Keys. He's heading.. he's...
The large Spanish warship sails into the port, literally a few inches ahead of me. A game notice pops up on the lower part of the screen reading; "SPANISH FORCES HAVE CAPTURED THE FLORIDA KEYS". The England flag is suddenly replaced with a yellow one from Spain. The previously docile port cannons start firing on me. No. This isn't right. I sail into the port, and am told that I'll have to sneak in or fight my way in. So I fight. My pirates easily wipe out the Spanish forces. I get into town and appoint an English governer. The town which was once the most wealthy and prosperous in the game is now meager. I go to the governer's mansion.. it's a new governer. He introduces me to his homely daughter. The woman I spent an hour rescuing is magically gone, as is her father, as is the bustling city which would once give me 35 gold pieces per luxury item... the city which now gives me 8.
I literally sailed around the entire carribean for an hour for nothing.
Fuck you Sid.
The game referenced in this thread is Sid Meier's Pirates, a normally fun game. In the game, you start out as a pirate with an alligiance to one of four nations; England, France, Spain, and the Dutch. I started as English with my sole personal enemy being the French, though I eventually branched off into attacking the Spaniards, considering they have so many ports, and England declared war on Spain when I was playing yesterday.
My story begins after roughly 10 hours of play time, in the Florida Keys. I have established an England stronghold in the area through various means. It is basically the best place for me to go in the game, since the Governer gives me free ship repairs, free ship upgrades, their merchant gives me more money for goods than anywhere else, and I've wooed his daughter several times. Life is great in Florida.
Then, one pirate day after ransacking a handful of Spanish ships, I return to the Florida Keys to sell my booty. I go to the Governer's mansion to see how his daughter is doing and OH NO, she's been KIDNAPPED! This is interesting, I didn't know this happened in the game! He pleads for me to rescue her, and I tell him I will, because I gave that bitch a ruby, and rubies aren't fucking free. He tells me she's been taken to some place at the very bottom of the map, which requires me to sail a bunch west, and then east, to get around a big piece of land. But whatever, I worked hard on dancing for that woman, she's mine.
So after stocking up on food, me and my band of pirates set out to sea. Seconds after leaving the port, we're attacked by a Spanish Pirate vessel (the Spaniards friggin hate me at this point in the game). I make short work of him thanks to my big ship, and continue on west, which goes swiftly, because the wind always blows west in the game. After fighting two more Spanish ships, I anchor at a Pirate cove in order to get my ship repaired and hopefully find some more crew. In the bar (where you recruit crew), some pirate is hitting on a woman. I stand up for her, duel the pirate, win, get some shoes or something from her, and leave the town. As we reach the Western most point (the edge of the piece of land seperating the Florida Keys from the South Pacific), I'm attacked by three god damn French ships. After 2 easy fights and a final close one, I have to sail back to the pirate cove for repairs, which takes pretty long, because I'm now going against the wind. I get there, repair, and go back West. I reach the point and sail past it without trouble this time.
By now I've been playing for about 15 or 20 minutes (the ship battles can be long if you're fighting a ship that keeps it's distance). After passing the point, I head due South along a coastline, keeping an eye out for pirates (they usually have good booty). Within the next 10 minutes of my journey I fight 2 Spaniards and 1 Pirate. My ship is a little banged up, but not too bad. I alter my ship's course to go South-East, toward the direction of the woman I'm supposed to save. I'll try and condense this, as it is getting long; it takes me 10 minutes to get there, thanks to a few other fights and repairs.
So I get to the Pirate Cove she's been taken to, duel with the pirate who took her, save her, and she's off with me! Now comes the longest part of the journey, moving East. As mentioned earlier, the wind is always blowing West in the game, so moving East is about 10x slower than West. Eventually I get to the Eastern point of the land that was blocking my way. From then on it's smooth sailing back to Flor- wait a minute! A known pirate! There are 10 (or 9?) known pirates in the game (like Blackbeard for one), their ships have red flags instead of black ones. Defeating them is one of the main objectives in the game. Unforunately, this one is in a fast ship, and the fucker decides to escape to the East. So instead of a fast paced chase, it's the equivolent of 2 cars going 5 mph, zig zagging so as to make best use of the fucking wind. I finally reach him, we fight for 5 minutes, I win.
After that, it's straight to Florida, my crew is restless, my ships are torn up, I need to- Jesus Christ, ANOTHER known pirate! 10 minutes of chasing and battling, I've downed another. This has been a productive trip! After repairing my ships at a pirate cove, I head North West, directly to the Florida Keys. I change from the isometric view to the straight forward one and use my telescope.. I can see it! It's taken pretty much an hour to save this one fucking girl, but I did it. I did it. We're about 5 on screen inches away from the port when- hmm, what's that? A large Spanish warship is ahead of us coming from the West. I suppose I could take down one more large ship before I dock and reap my rewards. So I try to cut him off, but I can't, as he's too far North. He's heading for Florida Keys. He's heading.. he's...
The large Spanish warship sails into the port, literally a few inches ahead of me. A game notice pops up on the lower part of the screen reading; "SPANISH FORCES HAVE CAPTURED THE FLORIDA KEYS". The England flag is suddenly replaced with a yellow one from Spain. The previously docile port cannons start firing on me. No. This isn't right. I sail into the port, and am told that I'll have to sneak in or fight my way in. So I fight. My pirates easily wipe out the Spanish forces. I get into town and appoint an English governer. The town which was once the most wealthy and prosperous in the game is now meager. I go to the governer's mansion.. it's a new governer. He introduces me to his homely daughter. The woman I spent an hour rescuing is magically gone, as is her father, as is the bustling city which would once give me 35 gold pieces per luxury item... the city which now gives me 8.
I literally sailed around the entire carribean for an hour for nothing.
Fuck you Sid.
