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[Dacvak]

My fiancée bought me one of those fancy-ass Japanese toilets for Christmas this year. The ones with the motion sensors, auto flushing, seat warmers, night lights, pulsating bidet, air dryer, etc etc. Well, we finally got it installed (after a bit of a challenge getting an outlet installed, and modifying our bathroom to better fit the toilet), and I gotta say one thing…

Bidets are the greatest innovation to shitting since John Kohler invented the automatic public toilet flush.

Now, I'm not a caveman; I've used bidets before. But usually they're just retrofitted onto a normal toilet, with ice cold water Super Soaking into the soul of your BH. So in my mind, it was never a priority to install one.

But good lord, I just can't express how much I've upped my shitting game since I've started using this new toilet, specifically with its heated-water bidet. It even moves the nozzle back and forth for a perfect AoE attack. Hell, I'm being pressure-washed as I type this!

The amount of TP I've already saved is insane. I've got GI issues, so there have been times where I've had to wipe and wipe and wipe and wipe… BUT NO LONGER! This bidet life is truly the evolution of man.

So… do you bidet?

 

[HRK69]

And that's how men become metrosexual

But hey, do you

 

[StabbyStabStabStabStab]

Your girlfriend bought you a bidet?

It's like when a girlfriend buys you deodorant

 

[FatallyYours]

What's the perfect Age of Empires attack got to do with cleaning buttholes

 

[The Lunch Legend]

I need a power washer for my swampy ass.

Are there any jet nozzle bidets out there?

 

[San Dan Glokta]

Using toilet paper is disgusting. Bidets are life, Bidets are love

 

[Pejo]

 

[N0S]

Never seen one in my life

 

[Twin Drive System]

I installed an electric bidet seat a few years ago. Heated seats are a god send. Only downside on my unit is power outage causes the settings (heating, nozzle position, jet strength) to get reset. Sitting on a ice cold winter toilet seat can be quite a shock after getting used to something warmer.

 

[Trogdor1123]

Your girlfriend bought you a bidet?

It's like when a girlfriend buys you deodorant

lol. Oh man, that is too funny! Poor bastard.

 

[The Lunch Legend]

What am I seeing here?

Never seen one in my life

 

[Pejo]

What am I seeing here?

 

[mèx]

Every bathroom in Italy has a dedicated bidet, so yeah.

 

[The Lunch Legend]

Damn, I totally forgot about that scene, lol

 

[The Lunch Legend]

 

[kremiso]

shouldn't be optional at all

 

[Trilobit]

I've actually been bidet-curious for a while. Toilet paper feels like a waste when it's so much more efficient with water. I'm really going to have to explore the Japanese bidet culture next time I visit.

 

[jshackles]

I never used one before going to Japan last year. Now I'm a believer.

 

[Maiden Voyage]

I love my bidet. Using TP now feels like sandpaper.

 

[tamago84]

I had a bidet but tbh never cared for it

 

[Digital-Aftertaste]

I fold some TP and dab it with some antiseptic liquid after I'm done with regular dry wipes... I'm like the .0001% in all of this.

 

[badblue]

I recently had to go without my bidet for a couple of weeks. Never again. I'll buy a portable one if I have to.

Heated seats are a god send

A heated seat always feel like you're sharing the warmth of the previous sitter to me. I'll take my ice cold seat thank you very much.

 

[TheDreadBaron]

Always cracks me up that there is some stubborn residual attitude in the US that real men leave skid marks in their whitey titeys for their wives to scrub out, and actually thoroughly cleaning the feces out of their ass crack on a regular basis is somehow suspiciously European and therefore probably gay.

 

[Codes 208]

I cant read that title and not think of Gene from Bobs Burgers

 

[The Lunch Legend]

Always cracks me up that there is some stubborn residual attitude in the US that real men leave skid marks in their whitey titeys for their wives to scrub out, and actually thoroughly cleaning the feces out of their ass crack on a regular basis is somehow suspiciously European and therefore probably gay.

It's a psyop by toilet paper corporations and we all fell for it!

 

[reinking]

I do not have a bidet but unless it is an emergency situation, I shower after I poop and put on clean underwear. Well, I guess I would do it too if it was an emergency but for very different reasons.

 

[Power Pro]

This is a true story

 

[Pimpollo818]

Got this $40 Luxe one on amazon. Fantastic! I still like using baby wipe for insurance/getting the water off. I love wiggling my fanny around against the stream.

https://www.amazon.com/LUXE-Bidet-Non-Electric-Attachment-Self-cleaning/dp/B00P2XZIP2/ref=sr_1_7?sr=8-7

It's fun listening to ppl's first time using one.

 

[Punished Miku]

Its like comparing a shower to cleaning yourself by rubbing handfuls of dry paper over your body.

 

[Sardaukarama]

I use the poor mans bidet (My hand and wet wipes) However the package says they are impreganted with aloe and vitmin E so its good to know that my starfish is getting the nourishment it deserves

 

[lachesis]

I liked using it when I visited Japan. It's nice to have, but not sure if I would put my money to install one.
I would use it if it's there - if not, I'm good.

 

[PSYGN]

Yeah and it also doubles as a water fountain if you're thirsty

 

[Mistake]

I liked using it when I visited Japan. It's nice to have, but not sure if I would put my money to install one.
I would use it if it's there - if not, I'm good.

There's plenty of options under $200 online. I installed one in my house that has a heated seat, which is nice when the home is chilly. A bidet also stops friction from wear and tearing your ass

 

[N0S]

Just took a shit and had to wipe my ass like gucci two times

 

[GymWolf]

Your girlfriend bought you a bidet?

It's like when a girlfriend buys you deodorant

She was probably tired of his nasty, sweaty balls.

 

[Donald mac Ronald]

It makes me sad people don't get that reference. Shelter kids missed out on 90s movies

 

[Rockondevil]

An argument for bidet lovers is that you wouldn't use toilet paper if it was poo on your arm.
But like I also wouldn't use just water either…

And then I also don't eat with my ass so it doesn't need to be clean enough to eat with at all times.

 

[Dr.Morris79]

I only use organic paper

 

[mopspear]

Do not waste your money on the fancy Japanese bidets! They don't work as well as these handheld sprayers. There's a ton more to go wrong and it makes cleaning more complicated.

The handheld sprayers hook into your toilet's waterline and are like $20 on Amazon. Also, you can use the sprayer to help when you're cleaning the toilet too.

Here's some OC for you all:

 

[diffusionx]

I've been a Bidet-Chad for a decade now.

Anything else is caveman tier.

 

[dem]

Do not waste your money on the fancy Japanese bidets! They don't work as well as these handheld sprayers. There's a ton more to go wrong and it makes cleaning more complicated.

The handheld sprayers hook into your toilet's waterline and are like $20 on Amazon. Also, you can use the sprayer to help when you're cleaning the toilet too.

Here's some OC for you all:

I'm unclear on how to use the bum gun and not get my hand showered in shit water.

I'm sure it works... but I just can't picture it.

 

[DragoonKain]

Bidets are great, especially people with IBD who have chronically sore bottoms(me).

 

[mopspear]

I'm unclear on how to use the bum gun and not get my hand showered in shit water.

I'm sure it works... but I just can't picture it.

I don't know what it actually looks like down there but I'm thinking I'm actually hitting it at a nearly flat angle, not shooting up in there.

 

[Bert Big Balls]

An argument for bidet lovers is that you wouldn't use toilet paper if it was poo on your arm.
But like I also wouldn't use just water either…

And then I also don't eat with my ass so it doesn't need to be clean enough to eat with at all times.

What

 

[Londo]

Of course, in my country they are standard equipment along a toilet, except for the public bathrooms.

 

[The Lunch Legend]

 

[Miyazaki’s Slave]

She was probably tired of his nasty, sweaty balls.

wait...it also washes balls?!?

 

[Days like these...]

Get that booty snatch nice and clean you never know when you might get some action.

 

[San Dan Glokta]

An argument for bidet lovers is that you wouldn't use toilet paper if it was poo on your arm.
But like I also wouldn't use just water either…

And then I also don't eat with my ass so it doesn't need to be clean enough to eat with at all times.

Wait don't you have a mouth tongue and teeth don't there? Is it only me?

 

[poodaddy]

Had one for three years now, can't ever go back. Now I'm a total bitch about shitting anywhere that doesn't have one, made a spoiled bitch out of me immediately, but damn they're nice.