Damn, why can't people just be upfront?

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RevenantKioku

PEINS PEINS PEINS PEINS PEINS PEINS PEINS PEINS PEINS PEINS PEINS PEINS oh god i am drowning in them
Twice in the past week I've gone and grabbed some coffee with a lady, everything seemed to go fine, she was laughing most the time, after a while we parted, but I got her phone number before leaving. So one I get home and find a facebook invite in my email, figure that's a plus, give her a call a day or so later, no response. Drop an IM, it's "Hello", "Hey", "How's it going?", bam done nothing. So nix that. Today, get home and get a "sorry I don't feel it" message from the second lady.
I mean, I can't help but feel a bit bummed. I was feeling really good these past days, and this just shattered me. Not that I thought any of these ladies would be "the one" or shit like that, but I'm just bummed.
I mean, they were smiling and seemed to have a decent time, but were they just faking it? Am I just a boring person? I don't even know how to begin to fix this problem.
Yeah yeah, livejournal blah blah blah, but I've seen some good advice on this forum and now I'm just really searching.
 
RevenantKioku said:
Twice in the past week I've gone and grabbed some coffee with a lady, everything seemed to go fine, she was laughing most the time, after a while we parted, but I got her phone number before leaving. So one I get home and find a facebook invite in my email, figure that's a plus, give her a call a day or so later, no response. Drop an IM, it's "Hello", "Hey", "How's it going?", bam done nothing. So nix that. Today, get home and get a "sorry I don't feel it" message from the second lady.
I mean, I can't help but feel a bit bummed. I was feeling really good these past days, and this just shattered me. Not that I thought any of these ladies would be "the one" or shit like that, but I'm just bummed.
I mean, they were smiling and seemed to have a decent time, but were they just faking it? Am I just a boring person? I don't even know how to begin to fix this problem.
Yeah yeah, livejournal blah blah blah, but I've seen some good advice on this forum and now I'm just really searching.
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Are you saying you wouldn't be faking it if you didn't like someone? Would YOU be up front with the chick right away? Not laugh at their jokes? That's down right rude!

Be cool.
 
I can't explain to you how much I relate. When I'm with someone in person we get along awesomely and I have a wonderful time. But then when I make phone calls or try to talk on AIM it's like they ignore me.
 
Santo said:
Are you saying you wouldn't be faking it if you didn't like someone? Would YOU be up front with the chick right away? Not laugh at their jokes? That's down right rude!

Be cool.
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I'm saying that if I was straight up uninterested in someone at the end of the meeting I'd make that clear.
Tiger said:
Your use of the word "lady" gives me the impression you're dating 40 year old moms.
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Okay? Chicks, girls, women, vateva!
 
RevenantKioku said:
I'm saying that if I was straight up uninterested in someone at the end of the meeting I'd make that clear.
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You've got a point there. If they act like everything is great, and then it takes them days to let you know they're not interested. Thats not very cool.
 
Not to be an ass or anything, but this brings back memories of that Ebaumsworld flash that went something like "she blocked me", to the tune of that Puddle of Mudd song. Ah, good times.

But in response to the thread, I've also had the "had a good time, but no follow up" thing happen too. Not fun. But the best thing to do is find something else to do and meet other people.
 
Tiger said:
You've got a point there. If they act like everything is great, and then it takes them days to let you know they're not interested. Thats not very cool.
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QFT
 
Really it just sounds like you're going out with aloof women, you're being too hard on yourself. Or you could be showing neediness? Only you know the answer to that one.

You say you're bummed out by this, but really once you learn how to make yourself happy, you won't care about the outcome. Paradoxically, this in turn makes you more successful with dating. Go figure.
 
Yeah, I guess I care what people think of me more than I'd like to admit.
 
Welcome to the fickle world of women. Dont' sweat it, just push on to something else. Eventually you'll meet one that's too nice to say no and you'll get a second date.
 
emomoonbase said:
Welcome to the fickle world of women. Dont' sweat it, just push on to something else. Eventually you'll meet one that's too nice to say no and you'll get a second date.
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mmmmm... pity date...

homerdrooling.jpg
 
No, you're not boring.... but you may be not relaxed when your with her enough to just be yourself.... how are you supposed to enjoy your time with her, and her enjoy your time when your worrying about the outcome. This is all IMHO of course.
 
Well, I have to learn how to be relaxed first.
Cubsfan, that document seems to hold potential, but I'm really having trouble understanding it fully. I think my years of retail sales really fucked with my views on people, but I think I see what it's going for.
 
Have you ever tried getting into the moment, like for instance: take in what's around you through your five senses one by one: What do I smell, what do I see, what does the inside of my mouth taste like, what does the outside of my body feel like, and what do I hear. You can perform this quickly, but the more time you give it, the more you will get out of it.

Another meathod is circular breathing: you slowly inhale and exhale without stops in between, but don't force them... this can literaly wake you up into the moment, and is pretty good at relaxing, and as a side benefite it is also stimulating as it gets more oxygen into you blood streem... Circular breathing is one thing we naturaly do as infants, but as the theory goes, streses cause abnormal breathing patterns.

Good luck.
 
I've been on the other end of this situation. I would never tell someone in person on a first encounter that it's not working out. The risk of public humiliation and of the other person making a scene is too much.

After all, you did make a thread about this. Is it wrong to assume that you'd possibly make a situation about it in person as well? I've dealt with people calling and coming over repeatedly. Sometimes, a cell conversation of "this really isn't what I'm looking for, have a good life" doesn't get through. I'm not saying you're a creep, but I'm sure those girls have been in creep situations that they just want to avoid it if you're not 100% compatible.

But honestly, I don't see how someone like you that put 83 hours into Suikoden 3 can be much fun to hang around with.
 
RevenantKioku said:
give her a call a day or so later, no response
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From Swingers:

Mike: So how long do I wait to call?
Trent: A day.
Mike: Tomorrow.
Sue: Tomorrow, then a day.
Trent: Yeah.
Mike: So two days?
Trent: Yeah, I guess you could call it that, two days.
Sue: Definitely, two days is like industry standard.
Trent: You know I used to wait two days to call anybody, but now it's like everyone in town waits two days. So I think three days is kind of money. What do you think?
Sue: Yeah, but two's enough not to look anxious.
Trent: But I think three days is kind of money. You know because you...
Mike: Yeah, but you know what, mabey I'll wait 3 weeks. How's that? And tell her I was cleaning out my wallet and I just happened to run into her number.
Charles: Then ask her where you met her.
Mike: Yeah, I'll ask her where I met her. I don't remember. What does she look like? And then I'll asked if we fucked. Is that... would that be... T, would that be the money?
Trent: You know what. Ha ha ha Mike, laugh all you want but if you call too soon you might scare off a nice baby who's ready to party.
Mike: Well how long are you guys gonna wait to call your babies?
Trent, Sue: Six days.
 
Liu Kang Baking A Pie said:
But honestly, I don't see how someone like you that put 83 hours into Suikoden 3 can be much fun to hang around with.
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O_o
Dude, that's fucking creepy.
norinrad21 said:
Eh don't worry about these things too much, its not healthy for your well being. Besides women are what they are.........women
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I tell you what though, venting and a night of sleep did me good. I don't even feel like I give a shit now.
 
Liu Kang Baking A Pie said:
After all, you did make a thread about this. Is it wrong to assume that you'd possibly make a situation about it in person as well? I've dealt with people calling and coming over repeatedly. Sometimes, a cell conversation of "this really isn't what I'm looking for, have a good life" doesn't get through. I'm not saying you're a creep, but I'm sure those girls have been in creep situations that they just want to avoid it if you're not 100% compatible.
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Well, I'm not sure what there is to make a scene about when we've only known each other for about an hour. I'd prefer a little more honesty than "Hey, yeah here's my number, lets hang out again soon" when it's really "Sorry, I'm not interested." But all of my previous relationships were those "Hey we know each other and just slide into a relationship" kinda deal, so maybe I'm just new to these sort of situations. Live and learn.
 
RevenantKioku said:
Twice in the past week I've gone and grabbed some coffee with a lady, everything seemed to go fine, she was laughing most the time, after a while we parted, but I got her phone number before leaving. So one I get home and find a facebook invite in my email, figure that's a plus, give her a call a day or so later, no response. Drop an IM, it's "Hello", "Hey", "How's it going?", bam done nothing. So nix that. Today, get home and get a "sorry I don't feel it" message from the second lady.
I mean, I can't help but feel a bit bummed. I was feeling really good these past days, and this just shattered me. Not that I thought any of these ladies would be "the one" or shit like that, but I'm just bummed.
I mean, they were smiling and seemed to have a decent time, but were they just faking it? Am I just a boring person? I don't even know how to begin to fix this problem.
Yeah yeah, livejournal blah blah blah, but I've seen some good advice on this forum and now I'm just really searching.
Click to expand...

Were they white?
 
There are about 20 distinctly differnt personalities out there. One of the 20 will match up with you. You just have to find it and most you can rule out pretty quick by your own tastes.
 
PhoenixDark said:
Were they white?
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No, but they were born in America. I have a little bit of the yellow fever, let me tell you. And I'm not sure how that matters.
Cubsfan23 said:
This goes against popular opinion, but I give them my number instead. The quality ones call back. Trust me.
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Just, "Hey let me give you my number and you give me a call sometime." ? Hmm, sounds do able.
 
i think you're a little too eager, a tad too desperate to assess whether or not a female is feeling you.

it's quite easy, once you've calmed down and tempered the excitement, to see where she stands on moving ahead from that initial date.

females aren't hard to read.

some of you, sadly, just haven't learned their language.
 
My trick is to be the one that acts uninterested. I don't call them, I don't even bother talking to girls. I turn down dates and tell them I'm busy playing guitar or something. Chicks can't get enough of it. It must remind of them of the unrequited love they never got from father figures in their life.
 
Haha, I'm not saying you're wrong, but I'm unsure how being calm (Admittantly, an issue with me) allows me to better understand something I don't understand to begin with.
emomoonbase said:
My trick is to be the one that acts uninterested. I don't call them, I don't even bother talking to girls. I turn down dates and tell them I'm busy playing guitar or something. Chicks can't get enough of it. It must remind of them of the unrequited love they never got from father figures in their life.
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Yeah, but there's gotta be more to it that this.
 
RevenantKioku said:
Haha, I'm not saying you're wrong, but I'm unsure how being calm (Admittantly, an issue with me) allows me to better understand something I don't understand to begin with.

Yeah, but there's gotta be more to it that this.
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because you're caught up in the moment, your judgement clouded by the excitement of being out on a date with someone who's showing you (possibly) romantic attention.

you need to gain perspective, step back and just look at the signs.

is there eye contact?

does her smile look forced?

how does she respond to various cues for advancing the date?

such talk about future happenings.

you've got to assess it.

otherwise, you'll continue to make threads like this.
 
Believe you me, I don't, and that's why I'm trying to learn as much as I can. If I've learned anything over the past few days, it's that these things take time and practice, no one is a natural. I've just got catching up to do.
 
Most people can't handle the truth well, this is a fact. But I think most appreciate it, if not at first then after a while. It took someone casually mentioning that I was putting on weight for me to realize it and start working to fix that problem.
 
RevenantKioku said:
Just, "Hey let me give you my number and you give me a call sometime." ? Hmm, sounds do able.
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Or you get them to ask for your number. I never ask for a girl's number. Minimal effort at the start of a relationship with a girl always pays off. Either because they really like you and don't want to lose you, or because they don't like you but also don't like the fact that you don't seem to care :lol. Either way you win really. And then the guy, unless he's really good, has complete control until he's going out with the girl.. at which point she can hold things back and it suuuuuuuuucks.
 
women lie and feign interest, period

i've had women sleep with me and even tell me they love me and the next day they wouldn't even answer my calls anymore
 
I've been reading a lot of stuff today and found this
www.ideagasms.net said:
I literally don’t care about other people’s opinion of me. It's none of my buisness.

When you stop caring what other’s think of you, you're truly free.

Look at it this way. By reacting to disapproval, you are essentially saying, YOUR opinion of me is more important than MY OWN.”
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I want to be able to think this way, but I'm unsure how to.
 
RevenantKioku said:
I've been reading a lot of stuff today and found this

I want to be able to think this way, but I'm unsure how to.
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It comes naturally as you get older.
 
emomoonbase said:
It comes naturally as you get older.
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I can see that, most of the older guys I've worked with plain just do not give a shit about stupid things like what people think about them, and I respect them much for it.
The thing is, I'm tired of living like this. I'm tired of this feeling that I need people to accept me. Why the fuck do I care?
 
Liu Kang Baking A Pie said:
But honestly, I don't see how someone like you that put 83 hours into Suikoden 3 can be much fun to hang around with.
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Just when I think you were going to make your very first worthwhile post, you add that petty little comment at the very last moment. Ugh.
 
Sirpopopop said:
It's pretty easy to think like that. One day you just wake up, and realize you don't give a shit.
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You guys have no idea how frustrating it is to hear stuff like this. :(
 
RevenantKioku said:
I've been reading a lot of stuff today and found this

"Originally Posted by www.ideagasms.net:
I literally don’t care about other people’s opinion of me. It's none of my buisness.

When you stop caring what other’s think of you, you're truly free.

Look at it this way. By reacting to disapproval, you are essentially saying, YOUR opinion of me is more important than MY OWN.” "

I want to be able to think this way, but I'm unsure how to.
Click to expand...

The problem is when you agree with other people's negative opinion of you. :lol :lol :lol

...

*cries himself to sleep*
 
Hmm. Then I guess I'm just unsure of who I am.
 
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