Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy

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subversus said:
I think it's a bit stupid and self-destructive to regret about time spent with a girl (and money spent to the boot). Good times were had, money spent are money that you won't get back so I don't see any sound rational reason to regret about this unless you like to feel miserable and hate yourself.
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Oh ease up. It all falls into getting some distance in your mind between you and the ex-gf. It helps get you to the "its over, time for me to find someone better" stage.

Obviously taken to the extreme, its bad. But a little "ugh, what was I thinking, better find someone better" is going to help.
 
subversus said:
I think it's a bit stupid and self-destructive to regret about time spent with a girl (and money spent to the boot). Good times were had, money spent are money that you won't get back so I don't see any sound rational reason to regret about this unless you like to feel miserable and hate yourself.
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Sometimes you find out over time that people suck and didn't have the same considerations for you that you had of them. The issue is, is he going to dwell on it and not grow stronger as person because of the regret.
 
I just don't know. I thought some girl at the gym was looking my way, but I'm pretty sure she wasn't. Couldn't she just be looking? That doesn't exactly mean that it's with a sexual intention, correct?

(P.S. Holy fuck was it awesome going to the gym again. Haven't been there in two months due to medical trepidation, and it feels so good.)
 
Izick said:
I just don't know. I thought some girl at the gym was looking my way, but I'm pretty sure she wasn't. Couldn't she just be looking? That doesn't exactly mean that it's with a sexual intention, correct?

(P.S. Holy fuck was it awesome going to the gym again. Haven't been there in two months due to medical trepidation, and it feels so good.)
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Dude, you got checked out. It happens.

And hell yeah for some gym time. Im about to head there myself.
 
Izick said:
I don't think I did. I don't know, I mean I look at other people at the gym too, I don't check them out necessarily.
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You got checked out. ENJOY IT!!!!!

Unless it was truley a glance, chances are you got checked out. Women don't constantly look at everybody like us guys do.

Good for you.
 
Izick said:
I just don't know. I thought some girl at the gym was looking my way, but I'm pretty sure she wasn't. Couldn't she just be looking? That doesn't exactly mean that it's with a sexual intention, correct?

(P.S. Holy fuck was it awesome going to the gym again. Haven't been there in two months due to medical trepidation, and it feels so good.)
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Should have started flexing in her direction to be sure.
 
Izick said:
I don't think I did. I don't know, I mean I look at other people at the gym too, I don't check them out necessarily.
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Yeah, most people go to the gym to work out primarily.
Maybe she looked at you, maybe she was looking you out - either way, as the gym is no place for flirtatious moves you might as well think that it was the latter for a free ego boost.
 
subversus said:
I think it's a bit stupid and self-destructive to regret about time spent with a girl (and money spent to the boot). Good times were had, money spent are money that you won't get back so I don't see any sound rational reason to regret this unless you like to feel miserable and hate yourself.
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I agree with this. It was all a good learning experience, and without them you wouldn't have learned from the situation.
 
Bah, such bad luck. I have had recently a good streak of communicating with girls on OKC, but they have all gone silent all of the sudden (as if they all lost interest in me simultaneously) so I'm back to square one. Bummer. Anyone else have this happen on a regular occurrence online lately? It just seems to be recently that every girl I try to talk to has suddenly become anti-social.
 
NihonTiger90 said:
Bah, such bad luck. I have had recently a good streak of communicating with girls on OKC, but they have all gone silent all of the sudden (as if they all lost interest in me simultaneously) so I'm back to square one. Bummer. Anyone else have this happen on a regular occurrence online lately? It just seems to be recently that every girl I try to talk to has suddenly become anti-social.
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I usually have interest or lack of interest in waves, and sometimes not when I've sent any fresh messages or changed anything about my profile.

I think it actually can be seasonal (local weather), focus around holidays (you better believe single girls feel more lonely on Valentine's Day), and probably other factors (hell, even a television show episode could trigger reactions).

If there's an episode of Law & Order where a dating site guy murders girls... or if there's a love story where a couple comes together online.
 
MiDNiGHTS said:
Been trying to stay positive for the last 4 days. Basically doing everything by myself so it kind of sucks. Having trouble meeting anyone new and the people I do know already don't want much to do with me.

Some of you guys should never take what you have for granted. If I ever got into trouble the only people I could ever call for help is my few family members (I'm still thankful that I have them). That's not really a good place to be.
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Dude, I'd be more than willing to show you a good time if you ever find yourself in Seattle in the near future. Seriously. It's not THAT far away.

Izick said:
I just don't know. I thought some girl at the gym was looking my way, but I'm pretty sure she wasn't. Couldn't she just be looking? That doesn't exactly mean that it's with a sexual intention, correct?

(P.S. Holy fuck was it awesome going to the gym again. Haven't been there in two months due to medical trepidation, and it feels so good.)
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She was checking you out. Hell, even if she wasn't, tell yourself she was, it's a confidence booster.

Definitely don't dwell on it as a missed opportunity though. Continue going to the gym and you'll have plenty more of these instances that you can advance if YOU choose to.

Xun said:
It's always the smallest of things that put a downer on me.

Fuck this shit.
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What's up Xun? I've been away from this thread for awhile. How's your progress coming along?
 
NihonTiger90 said:
It just seems to be recently that every girl I try to talk to has suddenly become anti-social.
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Why only girls? I do this every time when I start dating someone.

also yes, this happens often. Unless there was sex, don't put too much stock in online dating. Even if you met once this means nothing. Sex - that is something but still you have one month evaluation period before you can start building expectations about the partner.
 
Yaargh. I met a girl in a gay club a couple of weeks ago and we hit it off, got her number, and a few days later I texted her and we went out on a date last Friday. It went really well I thought and we kissed a couple of times, I texted her afterwards asking to book in the following Wednesday for another hangout and she said she'd love to.

Fast forward to Tuesday and I texted her just to confirm and she didn't reply, so that evening I sent her another message basically saying 'hey if you're busy tomorrow that's cool, just let me know' and then she immediately replied saying sorry for not replying before, she was busy at work and forgot to get back to me and unfortunately she's sick right now so in no condition to go anywhere. I replied saying I hope she feels better soon and to let me know when she's better.

Should I contact her again on the weekend to see if she'd like to hang out again, or has she lost interest?
 
manipulate said:
Yaargh. I met a girl in a gay club a couple of weeks ago and we hit it off, got her number, and a few days later I texted her and we went out on a date last Friday. It went really well I thought and we kissed a couple of times, I texted her afterwards asking to book in the following Wednesday for another hangout and she said she'd love to.

Fast forward to Tuesday and I texted her just to confirm and she didn't reply, so that evening I sent her another message basically saying 'hey if you're busy tomorrow that's cool, just let me know' and then she immediately replied saying sorry for not replying before, she was busy at work and forgot to get back to me and unfortunately she's sick right now so in no condition to go anywhere. I replied saying I hope she feels better soon and to let me know when she's better.

Should I contact her again on the weekend to see if she'd like to hang out again, or has she lost interest?
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I would not contact her anymore unless she messages you. Even then don't respond right away.
 
manipulate said:
Yaargh. I met a girl in a gay club a couple of weeks ago and we hit it off, got her number, and a few days later I texted her and we went out on a date last Friday. It went really well I thought and we kissed a couple of times, I texted her afterwards asking to book in the following Wednesday for another hangout and she said she'd love to.

Fast forward to Tuesday and I texted her just to confirm and she didn't reply, so that evening I sent her another message basically saying 'hey if you're busy tomorrow that's cool, just let me know' and then she immediately replied saying sorry for not replying before, she was busy at work and forgot to get back to me and unfortunately she's sick right now so in no condition to go anywhere. I replied saying I hope she feels better soon and to let me know when she's better.

Should I contact her again on the weekend to see if she'd like to hang out again, or has she lost interest?
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Either she forgot and is actually interested in you, or she didn't and it was just an excuse.
If it's the former, texting her shouldn't do any harm as she is interested in you, if it is the latter you'll know for sure that she's not interested.

The logical course of action is thus to text her.
 
SquiddyBiscuit said:
Either she forgot and is actually interested in you, or she didn't and it was just an excuse.
If it's the former, texting her shouldn't do any harm as she is interested in you, if it is the latter you'll know for sure that she's not interested.

The logical course of action is thus to text her.
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He already asked her to text him when she feels better.
 
luckyboyceo said:
Dude, I'd be more than willing to show you a good time if you ever find yourself in Seattle in the near future. Seriously. It's not THAT far away.


She was checking you out. Hell, even if she wasn't, tell yourself she was, it's a confidence booster.

Definitely don't dwell on it as a missed opportunity though. Continue going to the gym and you'll have plenty more of these instances that you can advance if YOU choose to.


What's up Xun? I've been away from this thread for awhile. How's your progress coming along?
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See, I get the whole "stay positive" mindset that you all have, but I wouldn't like actively lie to myself to make myself feel better, plus deep down I'd know if it was a lie.
 
NeOak said:
He already asked her to text him when she feels better.
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Logical.

SpockVulcan.jpg
 
The Lamp said:
  • I'm extremely self-conscious and think I'm ugly and that I'm not worth dating. I'm sure it doesn't come off that way to my friends because I'm so outgoing in front of them, but inside I'm really insecure.
  • I've never gone after a girl before. I don't know how to initiate anything. My biggest fear is a combination of rejection and looking like a toolbag or overly-confident person that pushes too hard to win someone, and therefore looks like a loser. I know I'm the polar opposite of that because I just flat out don't intentionally pursue ANYONE, but I still have that fear. So I don't know how to approach her. I don't know how to flirt with her meaningfully. I don't know how to initiate anything that might lead us into a relationship
  • I want to be respectful of her recent break-up with her long-term boyfriend, and I don't want to go after her and then her tell me I'm inconsiderate because I went after her straight after a break-up.
  • There's this other guy in our friends group that I can tell might be into her as well. He ferociously insisted on sitting next to her at a movie we went to and is always finding excuses to come hang out when she is there, and he sticks around as long as possible, and is always just talking to her and interacting with her over other people. I've always let other people have the girl, to save a friendship, even when I'm into her too. But the douchey side of me wants to go for her and not let this one get away because I feel like I deserve it for being so passive all the time.
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  • Stop that kind of thinking. I'd like for you to write the exact opposite of what you just wrote and tell it to yourself.
  • Don't be afraid to 'get rejected' (because you will, eventually). Normally I'd say that you shouldn't try too hard, but you're not. You should just open the door for her to keep pursuing you. I'd suggest getting intimate with her (save the sex i guess), just tell her to drop by your place. Getting intimate is one of the best ways to get close to her emotionally.
  • That's totally irrelevant, her boyfriend is no longer there, and as far as you care at this point, he never existed.
  • Well, a few things about that. You deserve all the best things in the world, but you are not 'entitled' to her. And saying that you deserve her because your passive all the time is silly. You have not been intimate with this girl yet and you don't know her as more than a friend. You don't know if she's the one. If your friend 'gets' her, it shouldn't matter so much to you. Everything is cool and there's plenty of fish in the sea, don't be so narrow minded in your selection and focus your hopes on a single human being, it's a bad strategy and could ruin everything if she feels you're desperate (because it sounds like you are).
I can understand you didn't want a relationship in your teen years but relationship experience is valuable. Relationships don't always work out and people don't always know what they want. Just take it easy and take it one step at a time. It sounds like you are putting way too much pressure on yourself over this one girl. This can keep you from being natural and being yourself around her. Just be cool, don't push, but don't be afraid to let her come close to you.
 
manipulate said:
Yaargh. I met a girl in a gay club a couple of weeks ago and we hit it off, got her number, and a few days later I texted her and we went out on a date last Friday. It went really well I thought and we kissed a couple of times, I texted her afterwards asking to book in the following Wednesday for another hangout and she said she'd love to.

Fast forward to Tuesday and I texted her just to confirm and she didn't reply, so that evening I sent her another message basically saying 'hey if you're busy tomorrow that's cool, just let me know' and then she immediately replied saying sorry for not replying before, she was busy at work and forgot to get back to me and unfortunately she's sick right now so in no condition to go anywhere. I replied saying I hope she feels better soon and to let me know when she's better.

Should I contact her again on the weekend to see if she'd like to hang out again, or has she lost interest?
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Protip: Never text to confirm dates, it's needy. Let her confirm if anything.

Never text when the previous text wasnt answered either. Again, it's needy.
 
manipulate said:
Apparently I'm needy?
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Anyone is (well, mostly anyone) if you are into the person but it's better to control it or conceal it. I still don't understand why women don't like it but the fact is that they definitely start being douche when you are very attentive at the beginning. No woman in my experience was different in that regard. I just accepted it.
 
manipulate said:
Haha, right. Oh well. How disappointing.

Apparently I'm needy?
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I think that's nothing you gotta worry about.
The whole "wait 3 days before you text back, don't text twice in a row, blablabla" seems a bit over the top to me.
If she likes you, it won't matter if you text her once to confirm something.
It's a different story if you're sending off 6-7 texts though, or 600.
 
SquiddyBiscuit said:
I think that's nothing you gotta worry about.
The whole "wait 3 days before you text back, don't text twice in a row, blablabla" seems a bit over the top to me.
If she likes you, it won't matter if you text her once to confirm something.
It's a different story if you're sending off 6-7 texts though, or 600.
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Personally I don't text twice in a row unless:
1) I'm sending one of those "essay" texts (which I oh-so-rarely do)
2) I've already fucked up

I couldn't care less about the three day rule, though.
 
Izick said:
See, I get the whole "stay positive" mindset that you all have, but I wouldn't like actively lie to myself to make myself feel better, plus deep down I'd know if it was a lie.
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Izick, I want to ride you hard.
Take off your shirt and bite the pillow.
 
Goddamn at Cloving's posts over the last two pages.

Now you guys have some idea of what NBA-GAF had to go through during the lockout.
 
It has been a long time since I graced a gym with my presence but I remember it was basically a dating site. I hadn't participated because I was working out vehemently but other people treated it as a bar or a club but without the need to buy drinks.

dunno, may be it differs from country to country or from gym to gym.
 
Pixels said:
OkCupid is a wasteland... Match is a wasteland...

Are there any other options?
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Go outside the vault and become the vault dweller, seriously i think that online dating is more difficult than the traditional club/bar meetup the ratio of boy per girl on those sites is brutal.
 
subversus said:
It has been a long time since I graced a gym with my presence but I remember it was basically a dating site. I hadn't participated because I was working out vehemently but other people treated it as a bar or a club but without the need to buy drinks.

dunno, may be it differs from country to country or from gym to gym.
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Generally, people go to the gym to get fit, and there's nothing more annoying than some chode trying to hit it up when you're just interesting in finishing your workout and stretches.
 
SquiddyBiscuit said:
Generally, people go to the gym to get fit, and there's nothing more annoying than some chode trying to hit it up when you're just interesting in finishing your workout and stretches.
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yeah, that is why I think it differs from gym to gym and from culture to culture. People in our gym saw it as a place where they can socialize.

some people were working out too.
 
I have honestly never spoken to anyone at the gym. I pretty much just hit the weights and the treadmill. Maybe it would be different in an aerobics or yoga class, or something like that.
 
Yeah, Im not sure I have ever spoken with anyone at my gym either.

Not that I wouldn't, but it would have to be very specific circumstances (ie after workout, etc.)
 
Tex117 said:
Yeah, Im not sure I have ever spoken with anyone at my gym either.

Not that I wouldn't, but it would have to be very specific circumstances (ie after workout, etc.)
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I once spoke to a guy because he had the haircut of my dreams. I asked him where he got it and he said he did it himself. Just thinking back at it now I can't help but remember how cool he was.
 
subversus said:
It has been a long time since I graced a gym with my presence but I remember it was basically a dating site. I hadn't participated because I was working out vehemently but other people treated it as a bar or a club but without the need to buy drinks.

dunno, may be it differs from country to country or from gym to gym.
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People at the gym I go to are nice but they generally just go there to get big or get toned.

Had an awkward penguin moment today. Saw a gorgeous girl walking across from me in the hallway, we smiled at each other. About 10 minutes later I went for a drink at the water fountain at the same time she did.

"Go ahead."

"No, you go. It's yours."

And then I walked onto the other side of the building to get a drink of water from another fountain.

All that spaghetti.
 
Sub_Level said:
People at the gym I go to are nice but they generally just go there to get big or get toned.

Had an awkward penguin moment today. Saw a gorgeous girl walking across from me in the hallway, we smiled at each other. About 10 minutes later I went for a drink at the water fountain at the same time she did.

"Go ahead."

"No, you go. It's yours."

And then I walked onto the other side of the building to get a drink of water from another fountain.

All that spaghetti.
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:(
 
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