Support NeoGAF

[AlphaSnake]

I'm watching all of the shows I TIVOed and it never gets old. I've managed to memorize the lines by hard to some of the skits. The Niggar Family is downright the most envelope pushing sketch ever aired on TV.

It never gets old. The DVD is so far away that it's got me watching recorded episodes. Why'd the DVD have to get pushed back? I wonder if season 3 will be able to top season 2 at all. And everytime I see Bish's avatar I can hear Dave saying it: "Shut. The. Fuck. Up!" Here's my contribution (it's my favorite part of the whole sketch, I didn't care for the second half).

Milkman: Mornin' Niggars!

Father: Why it's Clifton, our morning milkman

Milkman: And this my favorite family to deliver milk to.......the Niggars! Mmmmmm, MMMM! Somethin sho' smells good! You Niggas cookin?

Mom: We sure are. There's some left over bacon if you like some?

Milkman: Ooooh, none for me! I know better than to get between a Niggar and their pork...Might get my fingers bit! ... Here you go! *Hands milk* ...I, I hate to bother you about this. But, uh, why you didn't pay your bill last week? And I know how forgetful you Niggars are when it comes to payin' bills.

Dad: Golly, Clifton, it slipped my mind. Here you go *hands money*, sorry about that.

Milkman: Oh Nigga please! Nig-ga please! Well...take care Mr. "N" word. I have a hot date with the wife tonight.

Dad: Alright, take care.

Milkman: Alright, peace Nigga!

...

...

NIGGAZ! *runs*

Some other notable quotes come from Black Bush:

"THAT NIGGA TRIED TO KILL MY FATHA!" .

"What? Huh? Oil? Who said somethin about oil, bitch? You cookin?"

"Sanction me...sanction me with your army. OH! Wait a minute! You don't have an army! I guess that means you should shut the fuck up!"

"Japan's sending Playstations...Stankonia said their willing to drop bombs over Baghdad"

Making The Band 2 and the Wayne Brady sketch also cannot go without mention. Sigh...Season 3 can't come soon enough.

 

[Megafoo Chavez]

dave chappelle is the coolest mother fucker ever i think

 

[fennec fox]

Ask A Black Dude, definitely.

"Do black people prefer to go to black dentists or black undertakers?" -Stephen King

"Stephen King asking. Now that's freaky. I got a book I wrote for Stephen King; it's called 'Nigger with a Brain'. Now that's scary." -Paul Mooney

 

[Chony]

Women be shopping!

You can't stop a woman from shopping!

 

[aoi tsuki]

"...and so I said to him, 'Look bitch, I'm Rick James'..."

"Now that you mention it, I think I'm bleeding inside my chest. But I got the medicine. Bitch, go have sex with Charlie Murphy!"

 

[bonesquad]

"Is Wayne Brady gonna have to slap a bitch?"

 

[hobbitx]

"Let he who is without sin throweth the first rock, and I shalt smoketh it!"

 

[Ronald_mcd]

Not a quote but it's funny

 

[AlphaSnake]

"Is Wayne Brady gonna have to slap a bitch?"

I actually choked really bad when I heard that line. People say it all the time, but I mean it; I choked bad, but the amount of laughter made me blow that bagel right back into my mouth. What a line.

 

[Lazy]

Charlie Murphy: Things like escalated to the point where, you know, my man got too familiar and I ended up having to whip his ass man, you know, cause you know, he would step across the line. Habitually. He's a habitual line stepper.

 

[Takuan]

She wears underwear with dickholes in 'em.

Buc Nasty, what can I say about your suit that hasn't already been said about Afghanistan? It looks bombed out and depleted.

He looks like Malcolm X before he converted to Islam.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go fill Buc Nasty's mother's dish.

Jasper, there's a nigger around here! That surly monkey was beating on my hood! *cocks head out car window* WHIIIITE POWER!

It's called crack! It's great! And it's so easy to make, all you need is some cocaine and some baking soda, and I think I tasted egg and cinnamon...

Oo-OO! Ah-ah. Oo-OO! Brrrrrrrrrr!

I sip Cris... you drink piss.

Is anthrax bad?

The milk's gone bad, Murphy!

King Cole Records comin' at ya, we sip only the best Dom P. because I'm smooth like that. Peace, you punk bitches. Come back next year when I pop some egg nog in yo' face.

I'm one of the baddest muthafuckas of all time... one of the best singers and one of the best lookin' muthafuckas you ever seen. Hold my drink, bitch.

Fuck yo' couch, nigguh!

I'll be back, ya black muthafuckas! Wiiiide nose havin' muthafuckas! They shoulda never gave you niggas money! You don't know how to appreciate shit! You know you could afford another couch! What'm I gon' do without ma leeegs, Eddie Murphyyyy??!

AH-BUMBACLOT! AH-BUMBACLOT! AH-BUMBABUMBABUMBACLOT! I rip and I rhyme, I rhyme and I rip! Dis is da way dat Dy-lon spit... you trying to get summa dis hot fiah?

You will receive the mandatory minimum of life imprisonment. Plenty of time to lift weights and convert to Islam.

Seriously, bro! I can make your penis FAT, and harder for longer!

You don't understand, 'cause I make love to my hand. So I don't need you, honey; I beat my dick like it owes me money. Fuck it.

RUNBITCHRUNFORYOURLIFEGETSOMEHELP!

I smell your lightsaber.

Some mark-ass trick just stepped on my sneakers, and poured morton salt all over me!

There are so many more.

 

[AlphaSnake]

I love Chappelle's Dylon. Hahaha, that puzzled look he does gets me all the time. I lost it when he started choking Wyclef:

Dylon: You tryin to get some of dis hot fiah?
Wyclef: Look, we can either make this record. Or not make it.
Dylon: You're too close man! *chokes Wyclef*

"It's Bad Boy, baby. Can't stop. Won't stop. *does jig* Nuh-uh, nuh-uh"

 

[OG_Original Gamer]

He deserves the 50 mill, because his shit is funny as hell.

 

[Templar Wizard]

Black President: hey White girl, here is the cure for AIDs, sorry about last night...

 

[Master Z]

"The black congregation agrees the whites can have Colin Powell..."

"...as long as they take Condoleezza Rice too."

"Oh hi Dave Chappelle, haven't seen you in a while."

"Dirty muthafucka!"

"That's 100 percent cambodian yo...it's the real thing"

*cling cling*

"Oh breast miiiiiiiiiilk, you made my day-aaaaaaaaaay!"

"Break yo 'self fool!!"

"Oh shit!" "It's Wayne Brady son!!"

*BRRRAAP!! BRRRRAAAAP!!*

"AH!!"

"Riverside muthafucka!!"

Dave Chappelle saved skit comedy. I can't wait for season 3. l

 

[shinjijai]

Dave: "Sometimes when I'm alone. I sit on my hand wait until it gets numb, and masterbate, I call that a stranger. Have you given yourself a stranger"?

Lil Jon: "WHAT?"

Dave: "A stranger"

Lil Jon : "Yah, yah I do".

Dave: "OKAAAAY".

Clip for it ^^

 

[AlphaSnake]

"The black congregation agrees the whites can have Colin Powell..."

"...as long as they take Condoleezza Rice too."

"Oh hi Dave Chappelle, haven't seen you in a while."

"Dirty muthafucka!"

"That's 100 percent cambodian yo...it's the real thing"

*cling cling*

"Oh breast miiiiiiiiiilk, you made my day-aaaaaaaaaay!"

"Break yo 'self fool!!"

"Oh shit!" "It's Wayne Brady son!!"

*BRRRAAP!! BRRRRAAAAP!!*

"AH!!"

"Riverside muthafucka!!"

Dave Chappelle saved skit comedy. I can't wait for season 3. l

:lol :lol

OMG. I love you man. I spent soo much time looking for that very same picture of Dylon! New avatar, baby!

 

[Master Z]

:lol :lol

OMG. I love you man. I spent soo much time looking for that very same picture of Dylon! New avatar, baby!

No prob man. Going through those episodes to get the screen caps has been the best part of my day. I so can't fuckin wait for the new dvd. Nothing like uncensored Chappelle

 

[AssMan]

"Is Wayne Brady gonna have to slap a bitch?"

Wrong dumbass. He says "Is Wayne Brady gonna have to choke a bitch?"

 

[Gantz]

When is the 3rd season going to be on?

 

[DMczaf]

When is the 3rd season going to be on?

April-May.

 

[GamePnoy74]

The part where he talks about the $3 lap dances in his Showtime stand-up special was hilarious...goes something like this:
(Dave acting as if he's getting a lap dance, he wants the dancer to stop)
"Stop, please, thank you, that's enough."
(Stripper keeps lap dancing/grinding him hard)
"HEY!"
(Pushes stripper off of him)
"Look...lipstick on the collar I can understand...but a SH!T stain on my chest?! How am I supposed to explain this?!"

When he talks about botox:
"But would you like to suck THESE balls?"
"ooh...they're as smooth as eggs!"

 

[Rabid Wolverine]

President Black Bush:

The niggar bought illuminum tubes.. Do I need to tell you, what the fuck you can do with an illiminum tube.

ILLUMINUM!!!!

That don't scare you... fine.....

The motherfucker bought yellow cake, he went to Africa and bought some yellow cake.

Women Reporter:

Are you sure?

President Black Bush:

YES IM SURE BITCH ! :lol :lol


^Fixed
---------------------



Tyrone: Do we get crack at the End

----

Tyrone: Thats impossible Rhonda, how can you be asleep if your high on Crack.

Huh ! Chinease Riddle for you.

 

[AlphaSnake]

Wtf is "illminum"? :|

 

[evil ways]

Some black dude: Don't drop that shit
Mos Def: No, I know what I'm doing, I've got it wrapped in a special CIA napkin
Some black dude: Just don't drop that shit here. Pray to God you don't drop that shit
Mos Def: Yellow cake.......
Some black dude: Fuckin' right

Leonard Washington: My name's Leonard Washington. Where I'm from? A little town called None Of Your Goddamn Business.

Quills: [screaming] All right, nigga! Get butt naked right now!
Leonard Washington: [calm] First of all, I think y'better watch your tone son. I'm Leonard Washington. I don't get butt naked for nobody.
[holds up wad of money]
Leonard Washington: You want this roll, nigga? You gonna have to shoot me for it.
Quills: OK
[shoots him in the knee, takes the money]
Leonard Washington: GOD DAMN, NIGGA! WHAT THE HELL WRONG WITH YOU! THAT'S WHY BLACK PEOPLE CAN'T HAVE ANYTHING! YOUR MAMA AIN'T SHIT!

 

[AlphaSnake]

Rabid: Ok, then wtf is illuminum?

 

[Talas]

Rabid: Ok, then wtf is illuminum?

It's aluminum, like that deal of those aluminum tubes in Iraq.

 

[android]

Nelson Mandela:
This is a full nelson bitch!!! It's a pun :lol

Crrrry Frrrreeedom.

Japanese lady
Brown snake turn into brown stick

Japanese General
Monsters smoking the trees

Prince:
You and your crew verus me and the revolution

Game Blouses :lol

Charlie Murphy
And they were wearing the same thing that they were wearing in the club
Black Bush
Wha. Oil. who said something about oil bitch. You cooking? (spills water and runs) :lol

President Freeman
The R kelly sex tape. That wasn't R Kelly, that was me. That's right I urinate on people when I have sex with them. I'm a disgusting human being and I apologize to the people i've hurt and peed on. :lol

 

[EdLuva]

"Is Wayne Brady gonna have to choke a bitch?"

Fixed

 

[hooded pitohui]

dave visits the internet

 

[hyp]

"This dude can ball." - Charlie Murphy on the Prince skit.

 

[Blacklion]

Gawd ...I'm cryin over here.... his stuff is waay too funny,

Dave as black bush.... "OIL!!?...you cookin or sumthin bitch?"

Tyrone Biggums "You!!! Yknow what Dog food Taste like??! It tastes just like it Smells!!! ....DELICIOUS!!"

Paul Mooney " Wayne Brady makes Bryant Gumble look like Malcom X"

theres so many

 

[Smiles and Cries]

man this stuff never gets old I LOVE U DAVE u funny mother fucker