- Status
Well that gets no complaints from me. Enjoy all the fun especially if it's kinky.Oh I know there are! My boyfriend keeps me active
DoktorEvil
Banned
ummm, this story is amazing. I forget about this thread.
Nothing new yet as far as stories.
phxxBullet
Banned
Wow how did I miss this thread, lots of stuff to read here (needed something to avoid learning for my business economics test on friday anyways).
BladeoftheImmortal
Member
had an ex piss on me.i love golden showers, but only got to do it once so far. most girls aren't into it(at least here in china.)
had sex so hard with that same ex that i now have a small bruise on the tip of my penis, which after having sex that can start throbbing unbearably (especially if it's too dry). will have to have surgery if i want it removed.
tried anal with a hot mom. it was way too tight and it hurt a lot (fingered her first, and used a shit ton of lube)
tried a MMF threesome with a married couple, but i couldn't get it up...i was way too nervous.
had sex so hard with that same ex that i now have a small bruise on the tip of my penis, which after having sex that can start throbbing unbearably (especially if it's too dry). will have to have surgery if i want it removed.
tried anal with a hot mom. it was way too tight and it hurt a lot (fingered her first, and used a shit ton of lube)
tried a MMF threesome with a married couple, but i couldn't get it up...i was way too nervous.
Rhomega Beta
Member
If she swallows my fluids, I feel I should repay the favor.
Jedeye Sniv
Banned
OK I have a story to share, happened just last night. I have been with my wife for 14 years now (married 3), we have a great and very satisfying sexlife, all good. So my mrs can only achieve what we call a 'big' orgasm while on top and for years we've wondered why that is, chalking it up to clit rubbage on my belly (benefits of being chubby) but having no proof one way or the other. Either way I liked to imagine my dick was doing something important there other than simply acting as an anchor.
So last night, due to a variety of reasons (it was my treat day, I'd already seen to her needs with my mouth etc) I came while she was on top, all was very nice. So she's sitting up there and we're talking/smooching what have you and I begin to playfully pump again. She looks into it and I dare/bet her to see if she can cum on my spent, flaccid wang. So she starts going at it, grinding into my now-useless genitals, acheiving a proper eye-rolling goosebump inducing climax very shortly afterwards. "Huh" she goes "guess it was your belly all along!"
So basically, all these years my penis has been as necessary as tits on a fish. She was joking how now she knows that the D is optional she can divorce me and become a lesbian.
I'm not sure how to feel about this, I feel emasculated slightly. But I also want to see if she can do it on my hip or my shoulder or my chin or something. I quite enjoying watching grinding anyway, but I feel like my penis is less magical than I did before.
So last night, due to a variety of reasons (it was my treat day, I'd already seen to her needs with my mouth etc) I came while she was on top, all was very nice. So she's sitting up there and we're talking/smooching what have you and I begin to playfully pump again. She looks into it and I dare/bet her to see if she can cum on my spent, flaccid wang. So she starts going at it, grinding into my now-useless genitals, acheiving a proper eye-rolling goosebump inducing climax very shortly afterwards. "Huh" she goes "guess it was your belly all along!"
So basically, all these years my penis has been as necessary as tits on a fish. She was joking how now she knows that the D is optional she can divorce me and become a lesbian.
I'm not sure how to feel about this, I feel emasculated slightly. But I also want to see if she can do it on my hip or my shoulder or my chin or something. I quite enjoying watching grinding anyway, but I feel like my penis is less magical than I did before.
Accept the fact that your penis is not a magic wand. Most women I've been with found it easier to orgasm from clitoral stimulation than vaginal/g-spot stimulation.
Jedeye Sniv
Banned
I knowhahaha. It's all good, an orgasm is an orgasm innit
Damn straight it is. And besides, usually the girls let me do whatever I wanted to them in order to have me climax too.
phxxBullet
Banned
Being completely honest, 2 of my exes told me that I barely made them come when we were having sex, but that I for sure know what to do with my tongue.. lol
i guess that makes up for it. My GF seems to be satisfied with me going down before we have sex.
Here is one from my youth.
When I was 16 I went to a hockey game with my sister, her friend, and a buddy of mine. I can't even remember why we decided to go none of us were big hockey fans but there was a minor league team that was pretty good. My sister and her friend were in college and about 5 years older than me.
I had just gotten my driver's license and my parents said we could go in their car - Mustang for those of you that care. Anyway the deal was I had to drive because they didn't want her driving it - who knows why. So we go and after getting a few miles down the road my sister asks to drive and I say sure. The drive to the arena was about 35 miles.
My friend was too tall to sit comfortably in the back so I get in the back with my sister's friend. She was pretty attractive and I always flirted with her when she was around. On the way to the game I started to flirt and to my amazement she started to flirt back. I was feeling pretty good.
Then she grabs me and we starting kissing. This led to a pretty a pretty intense makeout. We start rubbing all over each other and I start working my way up her leg.
Really I had no idea what I was doing. but as you can imagine as a 16 year old I am starting to get worked up.
Then the next words out her mouth I cannot believe.
She whispers, "Do you want a blowjob?"
Ummmmm Yes please.
I am thinking there is no way she is going to do this. But she proceeds to unzip my pants, pulls it out, and goes to town.
I cannot even remember what I was thinking. I was probably just in shock. I do recall that my friend in the front turned around to ask me something and I wish I had a camera to take a picture of his face. Just stopped mid sentence and looked dumbfounded for a second.
Props to him though, he collected himself and acted like nothing was going on.
She kept going and let me finish and swallowed it down.
I don't know if my sister knew what was happening. She had to, but never said anything and I never have brought it up.
I can remember being at the game but I could not tell you a single thing about it. At one point my friend and I went to get a snack. Standing in line he looked at me and said, "was she giving you head?"
I said, "yup."
"Hell yeah!" was the response.
To this day it still ranks in my Top 5 of blowjobs. A couple of years later during my freshmen year of college I met up with her at a party. Ended up doing it that night and again the next morning.
That was last time we would be around each other until my sister got married a year ago. Of course we both are married and have kids. We talked, but didn't bring up those experiences.
When I was 16 I went to a hockey game with my sister, her friend, and a buddy of mine. I can't even remember why we decided to go none of us were big hockey fans but there was a minor league team that was pretty good. My sister and her friend were in college and about 5 years older than me.
I had just gotten my driver's license and my parents said we could go in their car - Mustang for those of you that care. Anyway the deal was I had to drive because they didn't want her driving it - who knows why. So we go and after getting a few miles down the road my sister asks to drive and I say sure. The drive to the arena was about 35 miles.
My friend was too tall to sit comfortably in the back so I get in the back with my sister's friend. She was pretty attractive and I always flirted with her when she was around. On the way to the game I started to flirt and to my amazement she started to flirt back. I was feeling pretty good.
Then she grabs me and we starting kissing. This led to a pretty a pretty intense makeout. We start rubbing all over each other and I start working my way up her leg.
Really I had no idea what I was doing. but as you can imagine as a 16 year old I am starting to get worked up.
Then the next words out her mouth I cannot believe.
She whispers, "Do you want a blowjob?"
Ummmmm Yes please.
I am thinking there is no way she is going to do this. But she proceeds to unzip my pants, pulls it out, and goes to town.
I cannot even remember what I was thinking. I was probably just in shock. I do recall that my friend in the front turned around to ask me something and I wish I had a camera to take a picture of his face. Just stopped mid sentence and looked dumbfounded for a second.
Props to him though, he collected himself and acted like nothing was going on.
She kept going and let me finish and swallowed it down.
I don't know if my sister knew what was happening. She had to, but never said anything and I never have brought it up.
I can remember being at the game but I could not tell you a single thing about it. At one point my friend and I went to get a snack. Standing in line he looked at me and said, "was she giving you head?"
I said, "yup."
"Hell yeah!" was the response.
To this day it still ranks in my Top 5 of blowjobs. A couple of years later during my freshmen year of college I met up with her at a party. Ended up doing it that night and again the next morning.
That was last time we would be around each other until my sister got married a year ago. Of course we both are married and have kids. We talked, but didn't bring up those experiences.
Don't!
Can it still shoot pee out of it at the most insane speeds? Magic!
Can it still shrink to the size of a pinky toe and 5 seconds later grow as big as a cucumber? Magic!
Does it still move a little when you flex the right muscles? Magic!
DoktorEvil
Banned
ATTABOY COACH!
Wait, your sister didn't look back while she was driving after hearing sex noises?
Sibling of the year!
I don't know. My sister had to know what was going on, but she never said anything in the days that followed.
I never brought it up either.
Noisy Ninj4
Member
Yeah, there had to be green lines getting to her. Cool siblings never get bothered by that stuff, though.
DoktorEvil
Banned
David Incorporated Esq.
Member
Why do you think she asked to drive?
Have another story earlier in the thread, but I figured since this surfaced again, I would share a couple of others.
1. My first 2 years of college were at this junior college in a pit-stop cow-town in the Midwest. One night I got piss drunk at this party at a friend's house and ended up in a bedroom with a girl I knew to be involved with this asshole cowboy in my dorm, but whatever, I was to wasted to care, but not enough to maintain some semblance of an erection.
We were going at it pretty good when someone else came in the room and apparently recognized the girl I was with, but immediately closed the door, so I didn't think much of it. At some point not long after that, the door opened back up, she was pulled out of the room, and I had the crap beaten out of me in the dark by her boyfriend and 2 of his friends. Somehow I eventually made it back to my dorm room thanks to a friend who was at the party who found me later, but I ended up missing most of a week of classes and lost probably 15-20lbs just due to the amount of pain I had trying to get out of bed, giving up, and just laying back down and passing out.
2. Same college, the next year, drunk again, I hooked up with a girl during some college dance and we went back to my room and fucked for a couple of hours and she left.
The next morning I woke up me, the one set of white sheets I owned, (poor college student and no parents at the time worth a shit to help out) and a good patch of the mattress covered/soaked in blood because it was her time of the month.
Washed the sheets, most of it came out, but there were always a few streaks left noticeable, and the mattress was never the same. I was basically sleeping with the Tell-Tale Heart under me for the rest of the semester until I left for a full 4-year college the next semester.
I asked Period Girl a few days after this all went down what the hell she was thinking, and she said sex was better during her time of the month and she didn't think I would mind.
To this day, I still feel like I need to go shower everytime I think about that morning when I woke up.
1. My first 2 years of college were at this junior college in a pit-stop cow-town in the Midwest. One night I got piss drunk at this party at a friend's house and ended up in a bedroom with a girl I knew to be involved with this asshole cowboy in my dorm, but whatever, I was to wasted to care, but not enough to maintain some semblance of an erection.
We were going at it pretty good when someone else came in the room and apparently recognized the girl I was with, but immediately closed the door, so I didn't think much of it. At some point not long after that, the door opened back up, she was pulled out of the room, and I had the crap beaten out of me in the dark by her boyfriend and 2 of his friends. Somehow I eventually made it back to my dorm room thanks to a friend who was at the party who found me later, but I ended up missing most of a week of classes and lost probably 15-20lbs just due to the amount of pain I had trying to get out of bed, giving up, and just laying back down and passing out.
2. Same college, the next year, drunk again, I hooked up with a girl during some college dance and we went back to my room and fucked for a couple of hours and she left.
The next morning I woke up me, the one set of white sheets I owned, (poor college student and no parents at the time worth a shit to help out) and a good patch of the mattress covered/soaked in blood because it was her time of the month.
Washed the sheets, most of it came out, but there were always a few streaks left noticeable, and the mattress was never the same. I was basically sleeping with the Tell-Tale Heart under me for the rest of the semester until I left for a full 4-year college the next semester.
I asked Period Girl a few days after this all went down what the hell she was thinking, and she said sex was better during her time of the month and she didn't think I would mind.
To this day, I still feel like I need to go shower everytime I think about that morning when I woke up.
So you just don't have sex with women while they're on their period?
c'mon son
it's just hemo-lube
Yeah, it went a little further than just fucking, maybe a visual demonstration of how I looked the next morning is in order.
I had always figured that it was because my parents did not want her to drive the car and she knew I wouldn't care.
I didn't really think about that part of it too much. I was looking forward to sitting in the back and flirting with a college girl. Not know what was going to happen.
Maybe the whole thing was planned.
Seems like a fun night I think.Yeah, it went a little further than just fucking, maybe a visual demonstration of how I looked the next morning is in order.
I discovered my girlfriend (who was a virgin before me) really loves anal about a month ago, so much that she can even orgasm purely from anal, as in with no clitoral/vaginal stimulation. She enjoys me using anal beads and vibrators on her ass.
She also has a tendency to change her tune on things that she said at one point she would "never" do. Two recent examples of that are choking and slapping her in the face. Both of those absolutely drive her crazy.
She also has a tendency to change her tune on things that she said at one point she would "never" do. Two recent examples of that are choking and slapping her in the face. Both of those absolutely drive her crazy.
Jimmyfenix
Member
I think this post took 1st place.
GungHo
Single-handedly caused Exxon-Mobil to sue FOX, start World War 3
As long as she doesn't tell you that she'd never murder you and make it look like an accident for the insurance money, you're good.
TitusGroan
Banned
You have been gifted a golden opportunity to turn your penis into a sexual weapon of mass destruction. You just don't know it yet. You just need to start thinking laterally. Not metaphorically: literally, use your penis laterally.
About a year and a half ago, I hooked up with a girl I'd had an on-off thing with during high school. We'd never gone all the way, but through fate, circumstance and the powers of facebook, we started catching up, and she ended up coming round mine for some fun times.
Problem was, she was incredibly hard to bring to orgasm. As it turned out, despite being older than me, her pussy was far tighter than normal. I literally couldn't fit my penis inside without it feeling like it was going to get bitten off. Even worse, she only really responded to clitoral stimulation. For whatever reason, penetration didn't really do anything for her, no matter how tight she was.
This all sounds pretty hopeless, I'm sure you'll agree. But from the ashes of defeat grew the roses of success. In a moment of inspiration, I lay on my back and got her to straddle on top of me. I positioned her snatch on top of my penis. But rather than standing my penis up like a rocket to go inside her, I instead lay my penis laterally so that it ran from the bottom of her vaginal entrance up past her clitoris. She instantly got where I was going, and started grinding. Her pussy lips were pressed out against the underside of my shaft, and even better, her clitoris was getting directly pressed and stimulated against my cock. Within a minute I could feel her getting wetter and slipperier than a jellied eel.
An erect penis shaft laid out like a saddle is the perfect thing for a girl on top to grind her clit against if clitoral stimulation is what is required. Other than the fact that it wasn't directly penetrative, it wasn't all that different from regular cowgirl sex: I was still grinding my hips, she was still rocking back and forth, my penis was still getting the sensation of a hot slippery snatch against it. It wasn't quite the same as regular sex, but it got this girl off like nothing else could, and it proved to me that my penis could still be an orgasm machine, even to a girl who prefers clitoral stimulation over penetration.
I hope this isn't too graphic for the GAF boards, though will edit if so. I'm merely relaying this to adequately show and explain how a bit of lateral thinking with your penis can turn things around. If your wife gets off just from your belly pressed against her clit, imagine what she'll do with your penis actually rubbing against it like a Sybian machine.
That can be great, unless the girl has shaving stubble regrowth. Then it's like masturbating with a shoe brush (to clarify, very unpleasant).
You never know what some people might enjoy that.
Still surprised that this has been alive for over 4 months.
I'm gonna bump it again because I missed it while it was still pretty active, but I'd like to hear more people's stories.
You shouldn't feel bad, considering, I've read/been told the spot that gives the biggest orgasms on most girls is no more than 2 inches inside. Speaking of such, has anyone tried the technique for the so-called 'squirting orgasm?' I've been wanting to try it out on a partner but I haven't been with anyone since I learned about it.
As for myself, I've lived a pretty tame life compared to some of these stories. The only thing I can share is that, with my first girlfriend, sex was difficult because she couldn't get off that way. I would always have to perform oral on her to give her an orgasm. I thought it might be me, or maybe not, but I found out later that she just had a strange libido and was a bit uncomfortable with her body. I had no problems giving other girls orgasms during sex.
There was a benefit to that situation, though. One girlfriend I had specifically said that she didn't like getting oral until she met me. I was the first to actually give her an orgasm that way. In fact I've never had a problem giving an orgasm through oral, and it had become such a normal thing for me. I owe it to my first girlfriend, who unknowingly trained me in the art of oral sex.
terrisus
Member
MilkBeard
lol
I am a married man who has been with my wif for almost 20 years. Last year my wife went out of town and I ended up hooking up with my portorican housekeeper who is 19 years old. She is about 95lbs and 5''. I ate her box about 8 hours and probably blew my load with her more than my wife in the past decade. Honestly zero regrets. She sat on my face and loved every minute.
Dang. Does she still work for you now?
hydrophilic attack
Member
I got really drunk and got to second base with a woman who was thirty years older. I wanted to take it further, but she did not.
terrisus
Member
bro1
I don't want to think,
I just want to eat out my 19-year-old portorican housekeeper, bro.
kaiju
Member
I met a cute Russian girl at a bar and bought her a few drinks. She had one of those thick Russian accents, and talked fast. I usually nodded when she said something, even though I had no idea what she actually said. Eventually she tells me she was a Mail-order bride for a guy here in the states, but he was abusive so she divorced him. She pulled out a restraining order from her purse and showed me. She was very fearful of this guy, and kept looking around like he might show up at any moment.
I offered her a ride and we ended up back at my place. We ended up making out and after awhile she asked to use the bathroom. She came out and did this very sexy strip tease, and then we had sex. Her phone kept ringing, like off the hook. I told her to turn it off lol. Then when we finished up she checked her voicemails and said she had to go, so I drove her home.
We ended up seeing each other a few more times. We'd first meet up at a local bar and have a few drinks, then proceed back to my place and get it on. She always did the strip tease before we had sex, which was pretty awesome. The only problem was she always seemed so nervous while at the bars, excusing herself to check a message or call someone. She was very mysterious, and I wondered if she had a boyfriend or if that abusive guy was bothering her or what. When I tried asking, I couldn't understand her...so I gave up.
Then it happened. On our fourth outing, we met for drinks just as usual. Again she kept checking her phone. She excused herself to go to the bathroom at one point, and I had to go as well so I followed her over soon after. She was on the phone in front of the bathrooms, and seemed surprised when she saw me. I knew something was up with this broad but I didn't really care to be honest lol.
Anyways we get ready to leave and she seemed upset over something. As we are walking to my car I try to hold her hand but she swats it away and walks quickly ahead. At that moment this black van pulls up next to us from out of nowhere and out jumps a butch girl and four guys. The butch girl says "Are we having fun yet?" as I walk by. Then one of the guys pushes me from behind. They all start following me as I'm trying to catch up to the Russian chick and get to my car. The Russian girl eventually stops, turns around, and hugs the butch girl in a kind of crying embrace while these guys continue to follow me. I hop in my car and take off quickly, and I watch them get back in their van with the Russian girl.
I tried to call her but her phone is turned off, so I knew something was up. I didn't really care as she seemed shady the entire time, but that was a strange night lol. I didn't hear from her again until about three months later when she called me out of the blue. I couldn't understand what she was trying to say really lol, other than she apologized for that night and wanted to make it up to me. So we met at a bar again and I took her home after and she did the strip tease thing and we had sex for the last time. She would call me again later but I lost interest soon after that.
I offered her a ride and we ended up back at my place. We ended up making out and after awhile she asked to use the bathroom. She came out and did this very sexy strip tease, and then we had sex. Her phone kept ringing, like off the hook. I told her to turn it off lol. Then when we finished up she checked her voicemails and said she had to go, so I drove her home.
We ended up seeing each other a few more times. We'd first meet up at a local bar and have a few drinks, then proceed back to my place and get it on. She always did the strip tease before we had sex, which was pretty awesome. The only problem was she always seemed so nervous while at the bars, excusing herself to check a message or call someone. She was very mysterious, and I wondered if she had a boyfriend or if that abusive guy was bothering her or what. When I tried asking, I couldn't understand her...so I gave up.
Then it happened. On our fourth outing, we met for drinks just as usual. Again she kept checking her phone. She excused herself to go to the bathroom at one point, and I had to go as well so I followed her over soon after. She was on the phone in front of the bathrooms, and seemed surprised when she saw me. I knew something was up with this broad but I didn't really care to be honest lol.
Anyways we get ready to leave and she seemed upset over something. As we are walking to my car I try to hold her hand but she swats it away and walks quickly ahead. At that moment this black van pulls up next to us from out of nowhere and out jumps a butch girl and four guys. The butch girl says "Are we having fun yet?" as I walk by. Then one of the guys pushes me from behind. They all start following me as I'm trying to catch up to the Russian chick and get to my car. The Russian girl eventually stops, turns around, and hugs the butch girl in a kind of crying embrace while these guys continue to follow me. I hop in my car and take off quickly, and I watch them get back in their van with the Russian girl.
I tried to call her but her phone is turned off, so I knew something was up. I didn't really care as she seemed shady the entire time, but that was a strange night lol. I didn't hear from her again until about three months later when she called me out of the blue. I couldn't understand what she was trying to say really lol, other than she apologized for that night and wanted to make it up to me. So we met at a bar again and I took her home after and she did the strip tease thing and we had sex for the last time. She would call me again later but I lost interest soon after that.
HI. BILLY MAYS HERE
Banned
DoktorEvil
Banned
Oh geez, you really lucked out here. You really don't want Russian Mob on your tail.
That's pretty crazy. I wonder what the deal was. She said she was a mail-order bride, but I wonder if they were making her do sex for money? That wouldn't make sense though, because they probably would have wanted money from you if that was the case. Either way, at least you had a good time out of it.
davepoobond
you can't put a price on sparks
Maybe because she broke her promise of being with the guy who ordered her they were trying to reclaim her or something like that. A lot of those things end up being human trafficking.
Marriage Enforcement
I once got cornered in a pub by a Russian prostitute by accident (Spoilers: No sex):
A few friends and I were due to go to the local pub for the evening for some drinks. I turned up first, got myself a drink and sat down at a table waiting for them to arrive. Get a text, one of them can't make it. Get another, he's had to cancel too. Final text, final friend isn't coming. So I'm sat there for a good half an hour, drinking on my own.
I look up, and see a young blonde woman at the next table over, waving at me with a smile, along with someone who was the spitting image of Niko Beliic next to her. I give a quick wave and half-smile back thinking she's just drunk and being over-friendly. They then come over to my table and ask if I minded them joining me. Seeing as my evening had just gone bust, I figured I might as well have a chat with them before I went home.
So, we get talking, I find out her name is Ludmilla and she's moved over here from Russia, and the guy (whose name I forget, so I'll just call him Niko as they're twins) is a "friend" of hers. I say "we" talked, Ludmilla and I chat, Niko just sits there watching us and giving a smirk whenever I glance at him. At this point, I was still oblivious to the situation because I'm both a social-idiot and a lightweight drinker.
After it's apparent myself and Ludmilla were getting on okay, Niko makes an excuse and says he's heading off and leaving us to it. He doesn't give a usual sort of "friends parting" goodbye, he just says that and goes. Ludmilla then goes on to say that yesterday was her birthday, which is why she was out drinking that night, and that as a birthday present she's had her flat redecorated. She then says that "Because I'm such a cool and interesting person" that she'd like for me to come back to her place and see what a good job had been done to it, and she touches me on the arm as she says so.
This is when the alarm-bells rang in my head. One, that's a fairly flimsy excuse to invite someone back with, secondly she called me "cool and interesting" and at that moment in time, unbeknownst to her, I had six separate decks of Magic:The Gathering cards in my shoulder-bag next to my seat. Nobody before or since has called me that. Thirdly; oh my god, that guy was her pimp.
Most normal people would have maybe politely walked away. I am stupidly socially awkward and partly-drunk at this point and I'm worrying that suddenly turning her down like that would be impolite, even rude perhaps. So whilst she went to freshen up and buy us some more drinks, I quickly phoned one of my friends who had cancelled and begged him to get there and provide enough of a distraction so that I could leave or she would.
Credit to him, he's managed to be walking in through the door just as she's coming back thanks to living just down the road, spots us and comes over to talk as though nothing was up. I greet him in much the same way, we have a little chat and I excuse myself to go to the men's room and then hide there for about ten minutes.
When I get back, Ludmilla has gone, leaving a very bemused friend and the rest of the evening coming out of my wallet as recompense for him abandoning a stay-in date-night with his girlfriend.
So yeah, that happpened.
A few friends and I were due to go to the local pub for the evening for some drinks. I turned up first, got myself a drink and sat down at a table waiting for them to arrive. Get a text, one of them can't make it. Get another, he's had to cancel too. Final text, final friend isn't coming. So I'm sat there for a good half an hour, drinking on my own.
I look up, and see a young blonde woman at the next table over, waving at me with a smile, along with someone who was the spitting image of Niko Beliic next to her. I give a quick wave and half-smile back thinking she's just drunk and being over-friendly. They then come over to my table and ask if I minded them joining me. Seeing as my evening had just gone bust, I figured I might as well have a chat with them before I went home.
So, we get talking, I find out her name is Ludmilla and she's moved over here from Russia, and the guy (whose name I forget, so I'll just call him Niko as they're twins) is a "friend" of hers. I say "we" talked, Ludmilla and I chat, Niko just sits there watching us and giving a smirk whenever I glance at him. At this point, I was still oblivious to the situation because I'm both a social-idiot and a lightweight drinker.
After it's apparent myself and Ludmilla were getting on okay, Niko makes an excuse and says he's heading off and leaving us to it. He doesn't give a usual sort of "friends parting" goodbye, he just says that and goes. Ludmilla then goes on to say that yesterday was her birthday, which is why she was out drinking that night, and that as a birthday present she's had her flat redecorated. She then says that "Because I'm such a cool and interesting person" that she'd like for me to come back to her place and see what a good job had been done to it, and she touches me on the arm as she says so.
This is when the alarm-bells rang in my head. One, that's a fairly flimsy excuse to invite someone back with, secondly she called me "cool and interesting" and at that moment in time, unbeknownst to her, I had six separate decks of Magic:The Gathering cards in my shoulder-bag next to my seat. Nobody before or since has called me that. Thirdly; oh my god, that guy was her pimp.
Most normal people would have maybe politely walked away. I am stupidly socially awkward and partly-drunk at this point and I'm worrying that suddenly turning her down like that would be impolite, even rude perhaps. So whilst she went to freshen up and buy us some more drinks, I quickly phoned one of my friends who had cancelled and begged him to get there and provide enough of a distraction so that I could leave or she would.
Credit to him, he's managed to be walking in through the door just as she's coming back thanks to living just down the road, spots us and comes over to talk as though nothing was up. I greet him in much the same way, we have a little chat and I excuse myself to go to the men's room and then hide there for about ten minutes.
When I get back, Ludmilla has gone, leaving a very bemused friend and the rest of the evening coming out of my wallet as recompense for him abandoning a stay-in date-night with his girlfriend.
So yeah, that happpened.
In my mind the obvious conclusion was that you were the "abusive" guy the whole time and the guy who kept trying to call her when she was with you was actually future YOU. You had clearly entered the twilight zone.
Triggerhappytel
Member
I love this topic. Just been catching up with stories over the last few pages. If anyone has anything to add, it's always appreciated on slow days at work!
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