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Dungeons & Dragons For Dummies
- Thread starter FortNinety
- Start date
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Duck of Death
Member
On the plus side, I just ordered the Hackmaster Player's Handbook.
Jill Sandwich
the turds of Optimus Prime
fennec fox
ferrets ferrets ferrets ferrets FERRETS!!!
The Dummies series is weird. In most non-computer topics, the Dummies book is either the best reference on its subject (i.e. most pet topics) or the absolute worst (i.e. the PlayStation 2 one).
Drinky Crow
Banned
1. Park mom's rusting 88 on the street.
2. Enter basement bedroom of nerd friend.
3. Admire posters of Rei Ayanami in provocative, submissive poses on the concrete walls.
4. Sit in a folding chair at the Cheeto-stained card table. Optionally, place belly on table.
5. Place character sheets on table. Continue shading the breasts and leather lingerie of the character art you drew of your recently-rolled level 3 thief/sorceress, Raistla.
6. Whine to fellow players that your character should be allowed to have an additional 2 points added to her Charisma or it will be difficult to keep her in character. Continue until the alpha nerd-slash-dungeon master relents.
7. Ignore the trivial plot concocted by the alpha nerd-slash-DM. Roll the dice when he tells you to. Whine piteously when he tells you the results are bad. Continue whining until he lets you reroll.
8. Periodically, get in a shrill argument with a fellow nerd over one of the following topics:
-- the correct pronunciation of "manga"
-- whether Frank Miller could take Alan Moore in a fistfight
-- whether or not the Stormtroopers from Star Wars would accept women in their ranks
-- why it's sad that Rei Ayanami isn't real
-- Starcraft faction balance issues
-- why 3E sucks more than 2E, even though you can't remember a single fucking thing from 2E save that calculating THAC0 seemed kinda stupid
-- some girl you're stalking. Be sure to give a nervous laugh to indicate that you're kidding, SORTA.
-- whether Willow from Buffy was bisexual or a full-on lesbian. This must be argued with grave earnestness
-- whether or not The Matrix took place in another Matrix, and/or whether or not WE are in that other Matrix
-- Un*x
-- cats versus dogs as pets
9. Oh, look! The evening's over, and everyone wants to watch hentai or play Tekken 5. Tally up your experience points, head for the dirty-ass Mountain Dew-stained couch, and go to Step 8.
2. Enter basement bedroom of nerd friend.
3. Admire posters of Rei Ayanami in provocative, submissive poses on the concrete walls.
4. Sit in a folding chair at the Cheeto-stained card table. Optionally, place belly on table.
5. Place character sheets on table. Continue shading the breasts and leather lingerie of the character art you drew of your recently-rolled level 3 thief/sorceress, Raistla.
6. Whine to fellow players that your character should be allowed to have an additional 2 points added to her Charisma or it will be difficult to keep her in character. Continue until the alpha nerd-slash-dungeon master relents.
7. Ignore the trivial plot concocted by the alpha nerd-slash-DM. Roll the dice when he tells you to. Whine piteously when he tells you the results are bad. Continue whining until he lets you reroll.
8. Periodically, get in a shrill argument with a fellow nerd over one of the following topics:
-- the correct pronunciation of "manga"
-- whether Frank Miller could take Alan Moore in a fistfight
-- whether or not the Stormtroopers from Star Wars would accept women in their ranks
-- why it's sad that Rei Ayanami isn't real
-- Starcraft faction balance issues
-- why 3E sucks more than 2E, even though you can't remember a single fucking thing from 2E save that calculating THAC0 seemed kinda stupid
-- some girl you're stalking. Be sure to give a nervous laugh to indicate that you're kidding, SORTA.
-- whether Willow from Buffy was bisexual or a full-on lesbian. This must be argued with grave earnestness
-- whether or not The Matrix took place in another Matrix, and/or whether or not WE are in that other Matrix
-- Un*x
-- cats versus dogs as pets
9. Oh, look! The evening's over, and everyone wants to watch hentai or play Tekken 5. Tally up your experience points, head for the dirty-ass Mountain Dew-stained couch, and go to Step 8.
Teknopathetic
Member
Drinky Crow said:
:lol
Escape Goat
Member
"Hello? Gay now."
What part do people not understand?
Drinky Crow
Banned
I did forget to mention the regular disputes over whether or not another player is "in character".
"You can't steal that Ring of Protection! Lawful neutral would NEVER do that!"
"I'm making an exception because my AC is too low for my level!"
"You can't DO THAT! Lawful neutral supports order, and stealing is against order!"
"Lawful evil can steal!"
"Yeah, but they steal for a reason, like an evil agenda!"
"Well, I have a neutral agenda: to increase my AC!"
"You're cheating! That would give your Priest of Lathander a higher AC than my Barbarian, which is stupid!"
"Yeah, well, this is a game, and the rules are guidelines, not rules!"
"Rules are rules, you retard!"
"Yeah, and alignment is a guideline, dork!"
(repeat for 30 minutes while the passive-aggressive DM makes audible sighs and/or watches Evangelion on a nearby TV)
"You can't steal that Ring of Protection! Lawful neutral would NEVER do that!"
"I'm making an exception because my AC is too low for my level!"
"You can't DO THAT! Lawful neutral supports order, and stealing is against order!"
"Lawful evil can steal!"
"Yeah, but they steal for a reason, like an evil agenda!"
"Well, I have a neutral agenda: to increase my AC!"
"You're cheating! That would give your Priest of Lathander a higher AC than my Barbarian, which is stupid!"
"Yeah, well, this is a game, and the rules are guidelines, not rules!"
"Rules are rules, you retard!"
"Yeah, and alignment is a guideline, dork!"
(repeat for 30 minutes while the passive-aggressive DM makes audible sighs and/or watches Evangelion on a nearby TV)
Drinky Crow
Banned
DrForester
Kills Photobucket
Chapter 4: Attacking the Darkness
Yeah Doug, I nearly ruptured a blood vessel in my nose laughing - then I realized that the accuracy of your descriptions exposed you as a willing participant.
Mr "Passive-Aggressive DM", indeed.
edit: *ahem* http://home.earthlink.net/~cklarock3/chick.htm
Mr "Passive-Aggressive DM", indeed.
edit: *ahem* http://home.earthlink.net/~cklarock3/chick.htm
Drinky Crow
Banned
I wasn't willing! Honest! Really!
...
i'm really not convincing you, am i
anyway, DROW RULE
...
i'm really not convincing you, am i
anyway, DROW RULE
cubicle47b
Member
All my D&D buddies ever wanted to do was run around the mountains north of Waterdeep and kill hill giants. It was fun (especially when we got that flask of hill giant control) but stupid.
We ended sessions with three hour nerf fights (nerf bow and arrow!).
edit: THAC0 kicks ass. 3rd edition sucks (note: I've never actually played third edition).
We ended sessions with three hour nerf fights (nerf bow and arrow!).
edit: THAC0 kicks ass. 3rd edition sucks (note: I've never actually played third edition).
All my gaming buddies do is MAKE characters... they spend hour after hour pouring over rulebooks and expansions trying to squeeze every advantage out of their character.
But getting everyone together to actually PLAY? It's like herding cats. And when they DO play, half the time they talk about what one of their other characters (usually evil ones) would do in this situation.
And people wonder why I'm playing videogames more often.
But getting everyone together to actually PLAY? It's like herding cats. And when they DO play, half the time they talk about what one of their other characters (usually evil ones) would do in this situation.
And people wonder why I'm playing videogames more often.
shoplifter
Member
Duck of Death said:
You sir, have won. I <3 my Hackmaster stuff.
I never heard of Dungeons and Dragons until orientation during college. The kid across the hall from me saw me playing FF3/6 and told me he was going to play Dungeons and Dragons. He looked kind of wierd, but I was in when I heard it was a "role playing game". Thinking the game would somehow involve videogames of some kind I gamely followed. My ignorance left me unprepared for the horrors that followed.
After watching them for about 5 minutes I abruptly got up, left, and vowed never to return. (Amazingly Drinky Cow was right, these kids all watched hentai too, though I didn't even know that is what it was called back then, I just called it 'horrific tentacle rape cartoon porn'. But that is another story.)
Maybe those guys didn't play the game right, but it was easily the most retarded thing I have ever witnessed and I doubt I will ever understand what entertainment people find from it.
After watching them for about 5 minutes I abruptly got up, left, and vowed never to return. (Amazingly Drinky Cow was right, these kids all watched hentai too, though I didn't even know that is what it was called back then, I just called it 'horrific tentacle rape cartoon porn'. But that is another story.)
Maybe those guys didn't play the game right, but it was easily the most retarded thing I have ever witnessed and I doubt I will ever understand what entertainment people find from it.
Drinky Crow
Banned
PnP RP really isn't that fun, truth be told. I've always suspected it was just a pretense to socialize; hence, the endless dork arguments that had little to do with the game ("no way, I'm a bigger fan of Deanna Troi than you'll EVER be, asshole, I had her sign my ass with an X-Acto knife at LoserCon '93") and how quickly it often turned to a game of Mario Kart or a prickly viewing session of Ranma. In my college honors dorm, it was especially unpalatable because many of the players had external academic rivalries (or were just stalking the same girl), and spent most of the time sniping at one another for being geeks. Many of 'em weren't bad lookin' fellas (or gals), but their introspective nerd neediness and desire for validation subscended any superficial characteristics that mighta separated them from their more HIDEOS peers. Ultimately, their bickering turned the two sessions I attended into nothing but little exercises in geek oneupsmanship punctuated by the occasional clatter of twenty-sided dice.
At that point, I figured I was better off sticking with the SSI Gold Box games.
At that point, I figured I was better off sticking with the SSI Gold Box games.
cubicle47b
Member
I agree that it's more of an excuse to socialize but I had a great time playing D&D in high school. Our DM was surprisingly good (he came up with more compelling scenarios than your average console RPG) and we didn't take the game very seriously so the pointless arguments were limited. It was just good, stupid fun. And the only item on the list that applied to us was #2.
I still have fond memories of those days. I can just imagine playing with some of the guys from the CS department, though. *shudders* I'm glad I live with (mostly) art majors.
I still have fond memories of those days. I can just imagine playing with some of the guys from the CS department, though. *shudders* I'm glad I live with (mostly) art majors.
Drinky Crow
Banned
Well, college freshmen are usually a rivalrous lot, since they're thrust into a new environment and are trying to desperately establish a pecking order -- especially if they were unpopular in high-school. I imagine that D&D could be a lot more relaxed when played with folks who've already accepted their social lot in life for the time being.
cubicle47b
Member
Heh, I accept my social lot *now*. I hate the idea of a pecking order (or at least social climbing) but admit I get in the occasional nerd fight. It's rare, luckily.
Drinky Crow
Banned
This FORUM *is* a big nerd fight. I'm sure as hell not above it.
cubicle47b
Member
I mean real life nerd fights. The weirdest thing I've seen is a computer hardware discussion (EE-stuff, not video cards) so intense a fist fight almost broke out. It was only at the end that mutual respect was given and it ended with both of them saying, "you're all right, man." The room breathed a collective sigh of relief.
I wouldn't post if I didn't like a good online nerd fight.
I wouldn't post if I didn't like a good online nerd fight.
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