SeriuzBiznus
Member
After reading the picky eater thread in Off-Topic I did a search out of curiosity and couldn't find any threads for those of us that suffer from disordered eating habits. I thought it might be a good idea for us to have a place to discuss the difficulties we face with trying to battle against negative eating patterns and thoughts.
I'm going to put my story in spoiler tags for those that want to avoid any negative thoughts but regardless, I'm not going to list any numbers to prevent triggers etc.
So that's me. Please share your own story if you'd like to talk about it.
The daily struggle is fucking real. How do you guys cope with the negative thoughts and behaviors? Any tips for helping with recovery?
I'm going to put my story in spoiler tags for those that want to avoid any negative thoughts but regardless, I'm not going to list any numbers to prevent triggers etc.
Personally I've struggled with disordered eating for the majority of my adult life. As a child, teenager and up until the age of about 22/23, I was always overweight - to the point of obesity in my late teens and early twenties. After developing gall stones, I had my gall bladder removed and was forced to significantly change my diet and lifestyle. I quite rapidly lost a lot of weight (still in the "normal" BMI range) and became a frequent gym goer.
I had started to develop an obsession with healthy eating but I was not yet in the midst of an eating disorder. I was still able to enjoy "treats" and take days off from the gym. It all seemed to be going well until I got cancer a couple of years ago (Hodgkin's Lymphoma). I blame my former obesity and poor lifestyle for getting the illness. I started obsessively tracking what food I ate, calories cut to under 1200 and even on chemo, I was hitting the gym at least 5 times a week, if not every day.
After entering remission, following 6 months of chemo, the negative behaviour continued. It was reinforced by my cancer recovery (thinking it must be good for me if I'm now in remission, right?). I became anorexic, underweight and obsessed with exercise. This was probably the worst I've felt in my entire life. Miserable, constantly cold and exhausted. I had my friends over for a BBQ at my house one day and after having a breakdown in the bathroom over a god damn banana, I confessed my sins to my sister and have been working towards recovery ever since.
I'm still in the thralls of my illness. My weight is up to a borderline healthy number, but I still weigh myself daily and despite hating myself for it, I know I sub-consciously feel better when that number is hovering by the "underweight" BMI category. I get anxious if I don't go to the gym every morning. My life revolves around my daily workout and my planned meals.
I've tried to find a therapist but the 3 I've seen so far just haven't gelled with me. I'll talk about stuff in the sessions, get all the good advice and then just not follow through when left to my own devices.
I had started to develop an obsession with healthy eating but I was not yet in the midst of an eating disorder. I was still able to enjoy "treats" and take days off from the gym. It all seemed to be going well until I got cancer a couple of years ago (Hodgkin's Lymphoma). I blame my former obesity and poor lifestyle for getting the illness. I started obsessively tracking what food I ate, calories cut to under 1200 and even on chemo, I was hitting the gym at least 5 times a week, if not every day.
After entering remission, following 6 months of chemo, the negative behaviour continued. It was reinforced by my cancer recovery (thinking it must be good for me if I'm now in remission, right?). I became anorexic, underweight and obsessed with exercise. This was probably the worst I've felt in my entire life. Miserable, constantly cold and exhausted. I had my friends over for a BBQ at my house one day and after having a breakdown in the bathroom over a god damn banana, I confessed my sins to my sister and have been working towards recovery ever since.
I'm still in the thralls of my illness. My weight is up to a borderline healthy number, but I still weigh myself daily and despite hating myself for it, I know I sub-consciously feel better when that number is hovering by the "underweight" BMI category. I get anxious if I don't go to the gym every morning. My life revolves around my daily workout and my planned meals.
I've tried to find a therapist but the 3 I've seen so far just haven't gelled with me. I'll talk about stuff in the sessions, get all the good advice and then just not follow through when left to my own devices.
So that's me. Please share your own story if you'd like to talk about it.
The daily struggle is fucking real. How do you guys cope with the negative thoughts and behaviors? Any tips for helping with recovery?