Support NeoGAF

[Justin Bailey]

http://www.somethingawful.com/articles.php?a=2790

FROM: Chris Lewis cl9904@msn.com
TO: webmaster@somethingawful.com
CC: mrwarrior@earthlink.net

As Director of Communications for Ultimate Creations, Inc. - which owns all rights associated with the wrestling character Ultimate Warrior - part of my job is to address any violations of Ultimate Creations' intellectual property rights associated with the character. Consider this email as your fair notice that we consider your site to be in violation of those rights.

A current posting on your site refers to the Ultimate Warrior as a "racist" - a statement that is not true, and is clearly libelous.

Furthermore, Ultimate Creations, Inc. has never authorized you or anyone affiliated with your website to use the image or likeness of Ultimate Warrior.

If the offending portion of your post is not removed by 9 AM on Monday, April 11, 2005, we will be forced to take appropriate legal action to address the libel and unauthorized use of the Ultimate Warrior likeness. We also expect an apology for your outrageous accusations against Warrior.

Sincerely,
Chris Lewis
Director of Communications
Ultimate Creations, Inc.

It gets much better after that.

 

[shoplifter]

The return of LEONARD J CRABS is inevitable.

 

[Ninja Scooter]

warrior is going to appear in the SA webmaster's mirror when he wakes up to brush his teeth in the morning.

 

[ToxicAdam]

I haven't had a chance to bust out my POPCORN in awhile! This will be good!

:lol

 

[Kave_Man]

Oh I hope this boils into something very interesting.

 

[calder]

This is EXACTLY what I needed on a dreary, rainy cold Monday morning!

*settles in for ongoing law-talking guy hilarity and photoshops*

 

[Zilch]

Haha, reading that made me realize how awesome SA can be (especially all his 'legal battles'). Good stuff.

 

[Borys]

I thought that would be just completely awesome. Imagine, the Ultimate Warrior on the Something Awful forums, suplexing nerds all over the joint and generally just tearing ass all over the Internet.

:lol :lol :lol

There's more and it's pure gold as always.

 

[bishoptl]

:lol :lol

I hope....no, I PRAY that this asshat Chris Lewis continues to write e-mails owning himself. These quotes are golden!

I have but one request: can "Mean" Gene Okerlund be present in the court when your boss testifies against me?

Sincerely,
Richard Kyanka
Director of Communications and Busting Folding Chairs Over Suckers' Heads

Speaking of little man, I've also managed to track down a couple of pictures of you, which I've attached to this email.

I have about two dozen irons in the fire right now for Warrior, and simply don't have time to piddle with you further.

 

[calder]

Good god! Reading lowtax quote Senor Warrior hisself:

I read his article about something happening at the University of Connecticut, and believe your zealous pursuit of legal action goes against Dr. Warrior's own wishes. For example, he writes:

"It’s funny how you could find the words to distance yourselves from the truths I was unafraid to tell, but could not find any words - not one - to tell about the indecent, moronic, and uncivil acts of those who were present who literally threaten the sanity and lawfulness of this world. Every single word you wrote and each silent implication you made said nothing less than that you were unoffended and OK with your opponents' exercise of their First Amendment rights, but offended by mine simply because I put them down bluntly and without political correctness."

This exactly describes what is occurring here.

:lol :lol :lol I've tried like 9 times to make it through Warriors' quote and just can not. My mind just switched off halfway through the first sentence, and even after numerous attempts by the time I get to the "unoffended and OK" part I literally lose the thought and the words become meaningless fragments in my head. Freaky!

 

[boutrosinit]

It just proves that the man is a genius... at least on some level. It's like one of Richard Teversham's press releases, like when you'd ask him a question and he'd give you an answer that does not answer the question at all.

 

[Archaix]

:lol

Also, from now on, I shall refer to you as "Peaches."

This is great stuff. Anybody else think this is just Jim "Helwig and the Angry Inch" Warrior pretending to be a lawyer? After one and a half emails he breaks character and reverts to his good ol' crazy racist self.

 

[Spectral Glider]

:lol



This is great stuff. Anybody else think this is just Jim "Helwig and the Angry Inch" Warrior pretending to be a lawyer? After one and a half emails he breaks character and reverts to his good ol' crazy racist self.

I thought the same thing, no "professional" would send e-mails like that.

 

[ConfusingJazz]

:lol



This is great stuff. Anybody else think this is just Jim "Helwig and the Angry Inch" Warrior pretending to be a lawyer? After one and a half emails he breaks character and reverts to his good ol' crazy racist self.

About the time he started talking about finding his address, and solidified my views when he insulted his arms. Who does that?

 

[Mikey 2x4]

Hot damn, this has made my morning. Awesome stuff.

 

[dark_chris]

Yup, this is a good day. I see it now. In Wrestlemania 22, here in Chicago. The Return of the Ultmate Warrior vs. The Staff of Something Awful. Its been predicted.

 

[Cerebral Palsy]

Good stuff

 

[Forgotten_Taco]

The Warrior hasn't entertained me this much since Wrestlemania VII, I for one hope it never ends.

 

[john tv]

That was priceless.

 

[JayFro]

Wow.......

 

[duckroll]

That was hilarious to read on some level, but mostly..... I feel it's sad. The Warrior has some serious issues he needs to work out within himself before he should interact with the real world again.

 

[Koshiro]

:lol :lol :lol

 

[Willco]

Comedy. Gold.

 

[MC Safety]

I was sort of hoping for a tag-team match between Libelous Lowtax and his surprise tag-team partner Papa Shango against the Warrior and his lickspittle.

Very amusing stuff.

 

[Outcast2004]

I read this whole thing yesterday and damn is it hilarious! Whomever is writing these got his ass owned hard by the SA guy.

Very funny stuff, but you almost feel that the SA guy is picking on the mentally handicapped in Warrior.

 

[human5892]

:lol I'm normally not a big fan of S-A, but that was hilarious.

 

[mrroboto]

helwig totally pwned himself acting like he's his own lawyer. :lol

a lawyer would never, ever get personal with somebody like that.

i heard the sa forums are down. wonder if they were warriorpwned?

 

[MrPing1000]

:lol brilliant

 

[MrPing1000]

...........

 

[ToxicAdam]

Warrior hacked the SomethingAwful forums!

Warrior: 1 SA: 0

EDIT: Oops, they are back up again.

 

[DarienA]

That was some funny shit. :lol